1. When in doubt, see: Shervin Youssefian’s “with whom I am well pleased” instagram reel in priest duty pile and glimmers 2. Lord, I pray that through St. Jude’s intercession as well in the name of Jesus most of all, You would influence Vico to post more often, even if it’s just a work update, preferably with songs he has carefully chosen too, God. It would really go a long way to regulating me. I know it’s not the most healthy, but I’m currently functioning as if I’m engaged with him to be girlfriend-boyfriend at least even though he has never met me. And Lord, I cannot survive on bare minimum updates. I need to be watered, God. You know I need this, even the smallest crumbs I would accept and am thrilled to receive. Please influence him despite his busy schedule (perhaps on weekends only) to post more often about his personal life and reposts while You’re at it. I don’t know how You’re going to do it, God. I know St. Jude must relate to me because he’s overlooked just because he’s cursed with the name of Judas. Well, Thaddeus is perfectly fine too. St. Jude Thaddeus, please intercede on my behalf. I know it’s an inside joke by now that I come to you with my useless problems and nobody ever thinks to go to you for those. Why is it always the dire problems, right? I wish, and I pray You grant this just because I’m so lonely. And just because…just because. I wish I had more signs of Your favor besides these wonderful dreams, God. I know I can subsist on them perfectly fine every night, but Lord, I have such a bad memory for them that they’re almost useless sometimes because I forget everything regardless of what I do—surely by now my recording habit should cement them more clearly, right? But they don’t always stick, and I’m mourning my past ability to be vivid. That reminds me God, please improve my memory too, not only in my dreams, but also the way I struggle with remembering even what happened to me in the past week. Each day looks just like the previous and I have trouble organizing my memory around sameness. Nothing much happens to me besides my dreams, and they’re not even terribly vivid, God. Please listen to Your servant God, as I navigate the hardest in-between of my life, this season of planting and waiting for glory. In ISA’s name, amen. 3. Lord, also, in the name of Jesus Christ my King, and with the intercession of St. Jude once again, I come before You humbly to place my life, my family, my work, and my future into Your hands just as I’d never really formally acknowledged. Here I am now formally trying to, God. Go before me, and destroy every plan of darkness set against my life. By the authority of Jesus, every curse that tried to follow me from previous years and generations is stopped here, according to Your will and grace. Every negative word, every repeated pattern, every hidden plan meant to delay my progress or steal my peace is cancelled now, and I will try my best to have faith that You will work out everything for my good even if the effects are slower than I’d like. Guard my steps with Your wisdom. Order my days with your peace. Cover my home, my mind, and everyone I love. In the victorious name of ISA, Jesus Christ, the Prime and Supreme Man and Your holy begotten Son, amen. 4. Lord, I pray to You as a Leah, with weak eyes, with not much about beauty to say besides that, to encourage my spirit so that I may develop feminine graces, God. I am so discouraged today given what I’ve seen with Nikki, what You’ve done for her life, God. Her life is so full of life and events and attention and charm and fun. And I have none of that right now. I know Your plan for me might include Vico in it being endgame for me because I can see the Pattern: Abraham marrying for beauty, Isaac marrying for beauty and character, Jacob marrying both plain and beauty (questionable character for both), and now, the 4th in line is the Omega supposedly going to have to choose between his attraction for newscasters or me. I think at this point, I don’t really have a shot yet. He doesn’t know who I am, and these 200+ days are bound to be interesting and torture on my part, and I have really no chance besides my brain (and even then my brain is questionable sometimes). I know being Rachel isn’t all that, but I terribly wish I could have that in the future too. I want to know if I could have it through artificial means, God. I really want to bloom significantly besides minor surgeries and treatments only. Please help me keep this desire in its place, God. I’m just being human again, and keep in mind my humanity when You look upon Your impossible mission for me. I’m supposed to be content with glory from Berggruen et al. theoretically, but really, my heart ever since I was a kid, it has always been about being loved for something I couldn’t work on. It was always beauty—physical beauty—that I’ve always wanted so I could be loved back in a physical way too. Deep down, I don’t think I care too much about intelligence, which is bad, because I know it can only grow as time passes in comparison to physical beaty which depreciates, but I wouldn’t even like Vico if he didn’t look like himself. I honestly wish I could be enough for Vico. But he’s human too, God. Please keep in mind his humanity when You plan out our future. I want him to be happy, and God, oh God, I’m in deep pain thinking he will be sorely disappointed someday when he sees me for the first time. I have not much to offer him in that area unless you make a way, perhaps not only physically through surgery, but to color me with a subjective aura of value and status so he overlooks my plain looks. It’s all I can ask for the prestige of the Berggruen win and appearing to understand him through TLS to rub off on what I look like to him subjectively, even though objectively, I’m not much, again. I want You to do with my physical beauty what You did with the fish and loaves—to multiply it greatly so that Vico would be so satisfied with his choice God. It’s either that, or I accept that another woman could please him better in this regard as a wife. Because marriage is hugely based on physical desire God, just as You intended. How am I to participate in all of that adult stuff when I am the least adult in this movement, and Vico and Nikki seem to be so well-matched they’d edge me out just by their physical compatibility and co-glory as beauties together? I am the odd one out here. Vico would really have to settle for me at that rate. So I ask You God, to please fix this, with or without the intercession of St. Jude (hello! do you find my problem worthy of Your intercession? I hope so). It’s all for reproduction anyway. For me to be a mother of many I’d have to please him first in sexual intercourse. How am I going to make it worth his while? As if all the work in this regard should fall on me? I’m supposed to be the receiver here, not the giver. Why do I even worry about clothes I’ll wear, God? I know, You have said it repeatedly not to worry, but I cannot help it. My history has bled me dry my wounds over and over. I am a fragile leaf, supposedly the healing of the nations. But I am fragile, and Nikki has wounded me without even trying. That’s how much power I don’t have for her power to threaten me so. I’m crying and bawling as I write this. And now my mom has asked me to go outside. There. In ISA’s name, amen. 5. I know it’s unbecoming to doubt You, God. But if ever Vico actually doesn’t choose me, I pray to find someone who will love me for me, God. Maybe someone who is like Vico but also like johniscatholic who can relate to me even though he's Catholic. In ISA’s name, amen. 6. Lord, please remove this shame and deep-seated self-hatred within me. I know it’s a bad look. The Christ hating herself. Lord, help me overcome it. I have no natural fallback for my self-worth. Everything is always externally determined with me. Help me see that my Berggruen privilege is a thing to be greatly celebrated for the rest of my life. Help me heal my inner child, God. I needed love and my parents really and utterly failed me on that front. All in Your time, God. In ISA’s name, amen. 7. Lord, I want my parents and baby sister to be immortal too. Maybe in the far future I can convince them to fix Am-am’s brain by renewing it and populating her brain with brain cells again. Please give me dreams of hope if this is Your will. I would be sad if my parents didn’t exist with me. Maybe this will happen in the 2050s. 8. Lord, I really pray that Berggruen will forgive and even like my audacity with the exclamatory remarks on Israel and all. I really hope they aren’t prudes, God. Please grant me this small consolation because I do not think I will win if they find offense with my ”abusive language.” If Phylicia Masonheimer, a Christian, could tolerate and wish me well for the essay contest, then I’m hoping the Berggruen jury and team will look with favor on my techniques, God. I really need to show the anger in some way and what better way than through all caps and exclamation points and repetitive punctuation? Lord, I pray that Your will be done on these people’s minds and hearts. In ISA’s name, amen. 9. June 26, 2026: Well, that just broke my heart, God. Vico posted a wildlife post to the audio of John Williams from Jurassic Park. Is he seriously into Nikki now that he’s adopted her dinosaur obsession? Lord, help me understand. I cannot understand this. I cannot integrate it. I almost cannot accept it. Lord, please, I need him to post more about my interests. Please, God, I know I would be trampling on his free will if I didn’t let this slide. I wish I was as attractive as Nikki. You know my struggle, God. The only reason why he’s interested in dinosaurs now is because she has big boobs. Please grant me big boobs in the future too, God. In ISA’s name, amen. 1. Lord, I trust that Vico will look with favor on me in the future too, but God, this just hurts too much today. It’s too much to bear that once again, I’m being exposed to Mike’s obsession with Audrey. It’s an old scar that I wish would never have to be exposed again, but here it is today. I really cannot control Vico. Let this be a testament and permanent reminder that I have free will, and he has free will, and that the only thing I’m scared of is really so far away—that I will self-combust in crazy obscenities again from dissociation and panic. Please, God. I’ve only drunk 3 coffees today and I wish I could quit sooner so I won’t have to spend money on coffee anymore. I wish I could be productive without it, God. And that only exercise should regulate me and not random coffee energy spikes. In ISA’s name, amen. 2. I cannot get over it, God. Will I be exposed to this type of torture again when what I think is happening is happening to Vico being enamored by Nikki? She isn’t even too special, God. But I know he really said, “nothing special naman” in his interview. Will he think she’s good enough for him? Of course, she’s beautiful enough, and she’s weird enough to be so into dinosaurs which is possibly really cute to him. I cannot stand this anguish, God. How am I going to be productive today with this sadness. Please give me strength, God. I think the main reason why You are exposing me to this pain is because You want Unreal Image to come from a place of authenticity. If so, I accept it. I really can relate to her now with her obsession with Deirdre Buensuceso and Kyle. Lord, I am so upset today. I cannot be helped. I’m always tearing up. I’m losing him, God. How am I going to help dim his desire for her when it comes down to it in 2027? Lord, this just made me so impatient again for glory, even more so now that I know I’m working against time because Vico is possibly developing attachment to her for no reason at all but beauty and weirdness. God, I wish he liked me now. Please, if You can help it, please provide a way for him to notice me somehow, so I can feel better. In ISA’s name, amen. 1. Lord, I’ve been given two impossibilities today. My behavior and irresponsibility and inability to wake up and stay awake, and now Vico’s transgression against me. I kind of hate him for being basic, God. I wish there was some way for him to make me feel better. Why did he unrepost that content if he would only turn around and like her now? Could it really be random? Could he have just picked dinosaur audio for no reason in connection to her? Lord, I want this to be true, but we don’t live in a fairy tale nor would I want to live in a fairy tale. I’m not supposed to be angry because You just basically gave me a gift—that he has free will indeed. That You in all Your power would not force Vico into this. That I am not under some love spell. That even if You can control everything, You wouldn’t want to control everything. Say Vico marries her and has sex with Nikki so greatly and so pleasurably, what is that to me? I will be great in my own way too, and I will have options in the future. Please help me recognize that Vico is just one fallible man among many, but God, it just hurts that I’ve prayed for him in the past and now he’s hurting me so bad. I have a wish that if we get close enough in the future, I would be very vulnerable and share this private prayer to him, but maybe that would ruin his image of me and cause him to fall out of love with me. Lord, the only person whose mind I want to change is his, and I want so badly to talk about Nikki to him in the future. I have a feeling he will react not quite what I expect him to. He will be defensive of course, but how defensive? Lord, I am sorry for feeling upset at Your design. It’s just super unfair to me to bear so much of the emotional labor of Your plans and promises for now while Vico gets to have fun with his developing attraction to Nikki. I know he would be upset with me and Jeffrey and possibly Mike too, but Lord, this just hurts too much. Mike and Jeffrey have nothing on his beauty. He’s the best-looking one in this situation, while I really have nothing on Nikki. Lord, why oh why is this so painful? I wish I could solve it right now. I can’t even be productive now that he’s posted that. I wish I wasn’t so externally determined and I wish I was more secure, God. This is a really painful teaching moment. It shouldn’t really matter what he thinks of Nikki now if You will it that Vico might fall in love with me more in the future. I’ve gotten a taste of what it’s like too today, because what if I don’t win Berggruen? Again, it’s a foretaste of the suffering I will have to endure if ever other jury’s free will overrules God’s will. It is so hard to have faith today, God. How am I to have faith in Your promises when shit like this happens to me? Please help me bear it at least. It breaks my heart so much. In ISA’s name, amen. 2. Lord, I’ve given up on him for now. She has posted a lot of dinosaurs lately and it just means that he’s stalking her. She’s on his mind even before his job for the day is over. Lord, he’s thinking of ways to appeal to her. This is all too much to bear for now. Why do You look upon her life with favor? I wish i was similarly favored right now. Functionally, my stake just got really small and the batanys are rejoicing right now because Your will with Vico and me just got defeated seemingly. Please God, I’m so close to actually giving up on him. I don’t want to give up on him but it’s like he’s beyond my reach anyway. I wouldn’t want to stop him if that’s what he really wants—to be with beautiful woman in Nikki. I don’t and will never have that naturally. He has a right to pursue that because he’s worked so hard too. Even more than me. What right do I have over him? I have no right at all, and I recognize that I shouldn’t feel possessive over him. But God, it was You who gave me so much hope. Hope from Vico’s own mouth that he prefers intelligence over beauty, that he would rather have average looks and all. Lord, I am so lost today. It was You who gave me so much hope after I really returned to Vico and my prayer diary seemingly fulfilled in his very person, God. I love that he loves people. He is possibly looking for enjoyment in a woman. He wants to enjoy, and not work anymore for a woman. I am so much work, God, in comparison. I do not want to be a burden to him. Why did You create me like this, God? I am so much work and I’m already trying to bend over backwards trying to make myself appealing to all types of people, atheists, Vico, liberals, people who have no stake in Christianity. I can’t believe this is what I get today. I know You don’t give pain because You hate me. But maybe to increase my faith. Lord, it’s so hard today. How am I supposed to soldier on and work despite the heartbreak? 10. So after a joy ride picking up my mom, God, I’ve hatched a plan. I will literally not bring up Nikki at all. But if he ever asks me to be his girlfriend someday, I’m going to ask him about Nikki and have the whole “I know about Nikki de Guzman. I know I’m not as attractive as her, but why would you choose me over her. She seems really weird too and she’s way into dinosaurs.” Maybe it might just work, both to not embarrass anyone and to put my doubts to rest, to confront him over it over a private conversation over a public one with the world. I hope this will work, God. In ISA’s name, amen. 1. I’m kind of resigned, God, if this arranged marriage will be based on a lie. What if they might have really had a nice relationship too, possibly even better for him experientially than what he could have with me. What if his heart doesn’t resonate with mine and he’s only picking me based on optics? 11. I can’t believe I’m saying this, God, but I really hope my heartbreak breaks his heart too. Even from TLS, please give him a heart for me. Please enable him to be compassionate towards me again because of my incel background. Lord, You know I need this, but if not, I’ll still try to love You. In ISA’s name, amen. 12. Lord, I’m sorry, I’m going to have to break a promise today. It’s because I know I need to finish copy-pasting all my entries into Obsidian tonight. And because I need to find that bit about Unreal Image that I know I wrote down somewhere but can’t remember what or where. Sorry, again. 13. Lord, my only reassurance is that he posted it before 5PM, or when the Maybunga program ended. He possibly can’t have stalked Nikki that much before Friday, right? Lord, I am so impossible today. 14. I realize Vico’s ACCOIYO-BATANY, or Jesus Themselves is upset at me for masturbating to Vanessa Hudgens. I’m sorry, Jesus/Vico. I promise to never masturbate to another person besides Vico from now on. I realize I broke a covenant somehow. I’m really sorry. I didn’t realize it at the time. Forgive me for my transgression. I suppose me doing that and really watching Obsession after a few days of the dream really cemented something to let this happen to me today. This grief. I’m sorry, God. 1. I realize it’s the same situation kind of. Vico can’t provide me with a titillating female body (but I don’t really want her sex though) the same way I can’t provide him with the same but Nikki can. I hope Vico doesn’t really want her too. Is this too much to ask, God? Can I realistically convince him into liking me more? I don’t like the thought that I’d have to argue him into liking me over Nikki, because I have no physical assets of my own to do the arguing for me. Please help my aura look better to him, God. And once, again, I’m sorry for masturbating. I was just really turned on after I woke, and not because I’m inherently more turned on by women. In ISA’s name, amen. 15. I feel enormously better from yesterday. Though it still stings a little. Thank You God for relieving my temporary pain. 16. Lord, I caught myself mocking my mom again this morning. Sorry about that. I need to be a better daughter. Please enable me to be a better daughter and have better relations with both of my parents. Please enable them to be better parents to me, too, God. In ISA’s name, amen. 17. June 27, 2026: Lord, I need more wisdom about Nikki. Will it really happen that Vico might grieve me for a little while and then marry her like Abraham married Keturah and Jacob married Rachel, the true love of his life? I wish I didn’t think of this. I wish it wasn’t possible. I want Vico to love me all his life. Is it really true, then? Is Mary Nicole De Guzman the reincarnation of Mary the Mother of Jesus? Just as I’m the reincarnation of Jesus and possibly Mary Magdalene? It would be incredibly weird for Mary to have a relationship with her son like that in Vico. I hope it’s like this. I wish he saw her as his mother. I would have to tell him someday that Nikki de Guzman is partly reincarnated from Mary the Mother of Jesus just as how my own mother possibly has Mary’s spirit in her and also Coney too. Or maybe I’m just kidding myself and that Nikki really is the reincarnation of Mary Magdalene. Lord, I don’t want it to be true. The only reason why I don’t think it’s true is because I embody the spirit of Mary Magdalene. Not Nikki. At best, she only shares a significant legacy with the 2 Marys and with me (Nicole), not that she is a reincarnation of any of them. Please, God, give me wisdom about reincarnation. There must be a reasons why Nikki was implicated in my dream about stadius actum. In ISA’s name, amen. 18. 202 days of this Nikki torture to blow over. I kind of regret praying with St. Jude’s intercession. What was I expecting? It’s her high school, so maybe St. Jude saw Nikki’s Accoiyo-Batany through me. I need to ask somebody else more partial to me. 19. St. Carlo, hello there! I know we haven’t really met at all anywhere. I have beef with St. Jude because I don’t think he listened to me, or maybe he listened to me but is challenging me somehow. I know you can relate to St. Jude because your youth made you underestimated by lots of people in your time when you were alive, while nobody really prayed with St. Jude’s help because of Judas. Maybe it’s showing me that I’m being overlooked in place of Nikki to make me relate to St. Jude. If so, I’m talking to both of you now about my problems, and I’m terribly sorry St. Jude and St. Carlo if you both don’t know how to deal with girl problems. You are not my gay bestfriends, after all. I don’t know if you think it’s beneath you for me to ask you to pray for me, since you are closer up there to Them. I don’t want to be an abuser of your trust nor do I want to use you for your perceived closeness to God. I just want someone to talk to who might be able to give me some new perspective about my situation. Not even an answered prayer. I don’t know what to ask for anyway regarding this, because I don’t want to steal Vico’s free will. Maybe you know what to ask God for if ever you know more about it than I do, but then again, I don’t want to force any of you. I just feel really down since yesterday because Vico is knowingly or not, developing feelings for Nikki. My only consolation is that it might take him significantly more input from her to really fall for her and I don’t think that’s possible to the extent that I’m in love with him because even I had to work on my delusions, interpreting everything he does down to the minute decisions. He’s too busy anyway to think about her. But God, St. Jude, and St. Carlo, I hate that his thoughts could drift to her weirdness, which is what I’m known for. The bad weird anyway. I can’t believe I’m envious of her again. When I have all these blessings from God and a shot at winning Berggruen someday. It’s like she’s stealing my right. And I know I shouldn’t see it as a right of mine, but God really gave me hope that Vico is prepared for me only, and not Nikki. But if ever God really wills that we end up together, does God really hate Nikki in a way? I like the thought and I’m too evil to question it. I would like for her to be truly humbled and despair somehow. I’m sorry I’m evil that way. If all that will happen between June to January next year is the smoke of a situationship between Nikki and Vico sending each other plausibly deniable messages through their stories and reposts, then Nikki will for sure wake up to a rude awakening because Vico might look with more favor on me next year, because he hasn’t exactly met me yet. I surely do hope that he doesn’t care about looks just as he said. I hope he meant it. I’m so evil that I even hope that he has a low libido. I’m sorry, God. I know I’m evil deep down when it comes to matters of the heart and love. But I would never want to steal Vico’s free will and autonomy. I guess asking for signs and stories from him is too much, and I’m sorry I asked for that. Okay, I should stop yapping. In ISA’s name, amen. 20. If ever Vico posts about Nailong, a baby dinosaur, I’ll really give up on him. Who knows what will happen to me on that day, God. I feel like our marriage isn’t exactly required for Jesus to reap glory. It’s just that I consider Vico to be my crowning glory, if ever we are united as One, just as You made known to me, God. 21. Dear Esther Undecima, I really don’t know how to pray to You through Jesus’ name. It seems as if You overlooked me by not giving me much in the charm and beauty department. But if my dream about Chloe and Steffie is giving me any signs, then it’s pointing to me talking to both of You, so hello dear Stella too. I don’t know how both of You are going to help me, if You actually care about physical beauty for me, just like I care too much about it. Please guide Your servant. I am so frustrated these days and I find it all a drag to be a person just because I am not blessed in the beauty department. I meant to ask if it was possible in the future, only I’d have to wait a long time. I know I need to be patient, then I can finally taste what it’s like in a small way to be naturally charming once I get some practice. Because what I don’t have is opportunity to practice. How will I even manifest all of these gifts into my life if I lack opportunities to practice in the first place? Lord God, through Esther and Stella in Jesus’ name, please give me more opportunities to relieve this insecurity. I know it’s a non-dual thing where it takes internal and external forces to work together to eventually lift me out of this depression, so I feel like this is also an impossible problem for me. Please help me if it’s Your will, God, for me to feel beautiful inside at least. In ISA’s name, amen. 22. Lord, help me resist looking at Nikki’s account. I realistically know that I can’t do it. I’m too curious. But please equip me with the maturity to understand her situation and have empathy for her. I really feel like giving up on me and Vico because of her, God. Everything she is is my ruin. That’s how dramatic my situation is. I have nothing on her. She has everything I want. I know that’s blasphemy because I’m supposed to be satisfied in Christ only, but Lord, it’s so hard today. I feel like bawling again. She’s posted her standards from Aragorn and I really hope Vico doesn’t see it. I wish he wasn’t stalking her at all. I wish it weren’t coming true. How am I going to stop anything he has developed for her? I know Nikki’s feelings are irrelevant when it comes down to me and Vico, but only Vico’s feelings for her matter now. I just wish I was mistaken because Maybunga Rainforest Park just really made him think of Jurassic Park and not because he has been stalking her account. Lord, I feel so useless and impotent against my desires. How will I manage without You, God? In ISA’s name, amen. 23. The only way for me to get over it is because it looks more like a leopard than a dinosaur!!!! Thank God for observation. I needn’t worry too much. 24. Lord, thank You for these rolled oats and lentils dinner. Thank You so much for not having me worry about basic needs such as food. I should savor the meals I eat more, like this one. It tastes really great and is healthy too. In ISA’s name, amen. 25. Lord, please give me a sign whether I should post January 22, 2026 entry. I feel it’s going to be explosive and will cause Vico to be turned off by me. In that case, I’ll have to delete it. In ISA’s name, amen. 26. Lord, teach me to depend less on Vico’s posts now that he doesn’t post and when he does post it accidentally hurts me. It makes me so antsy to always wait for his stories, God. I don’t know how to snap out of it. Please enable me to be patient in this time of waiting and yearning. In ISA’s name, amen. 27. Lord, I know this is too early to ask now, but please provide me with a mind equipped to handle all the social opportunities thrown my way when I win Berggruen, if ever it is truly Your will. Please give me ample opportunities in social ways to develop my personality, and give me and mold me a mind that doesn’t run away from these opportunities. Please make my learnings stick for the long-haul because I will need this skill to minister to people who need Your presence on Earth. Teach me to be open and warm and kind and social and to learn to love being among people, God. To love talking and communing. In ISA’s name, amen. 28. Remember, it takes the right people to surface a personality. You are not surrounded by people you are safe with. You have never really felt safe anywhere. The first time you felt safe was with Jeffrey and you were able to test it out virtually, what it would be like to have a personality through text. Now, you would have to test it out in real life too. Lord, help me develop into a whole personality. In ISA’s name, amen. 29. Lord, how am I going to raise a kid with their own needs when I can’t even work properly. You created me, God. Why do I avoid work so much? Please teach me to face my problems and not avoid work all the time. Please teach me to raise my willpower. It’s a muscle, I know. Please, God. I know I can see minor improvement with exercise, and it will be my anchor. But please also teach me to wake up on time and early, God. To not press snooze all the time. To be disciplined about my time. I am so frustrated God when I fail myself daily in this regard. It’s like from the moment I wake up I already failed. Please teach me not to shoot myself in the foot. I will dedicate 45 minutes of walking to worship You today, God. You can count on me to fulfill that today. In ISA’s name, amen. 30. Help me also God to not become too dependent on my computer to talk and think, God. I truly think I’ve damaged my brain this way, in some sense. I can’t think on my own without paper or a screen. Please help me think clearly when faced with the possibilities of Real World situations. In ISA’s name, amen. 31. So here’s me God, trusting in You that I’ve made a decision to include Nikki de Guzman in it somehow after all, because I care more about Vico believing that he’s a huge part of this over our own potential marriage. I think he will really believe me because I could intuit that he liked her and I know his motives. As in, he would be surprised that I managed to intuit this about him without his explicit saying so, and that with me, he couldn’t ever hide. So he must also believe in my witness because I have intuited something true about him, I think. I’ve also made the decision to include some of Paloma because it wouldn’t be fair to her to be completely silent on her. 32. Is it possible, God, that You’ve put me on this earth to realize that I share Mary Magdalene with Nikki in a small way, like I share Jesus with Vico in a small way too? Who am I supposed to end up with then? If Vico is really meant for Nikki, I will not curse You, but I will wonder all my life why I was misled to think it could be me. I really hope I don’t resort to emotional distress and drunkenness to get over it. I wish my glory would be so great that I will have no time to grieve my lost Vico to another Audrey-type. Lord, please don’t let that happen. I would give anything to have him marry another girl other than Nikki. Please not Nikki, God. But if Vico really realizes she completes him, who am I to force him not to? I realize it’s not in my hands, which is okay, and fine and all, because I really do not want a robot who does everything I ask. It wouldn’t be worth it if he didn’t refuse her because he really fell in love with me in a real way. That will be one of my greatest achievements, or non-achievements, because hopefully I will not try at all to earn him the hard way, the “without much beauty” way. Lord, I pray it will not hurt as much when it does happen. I should have shorn up my self-esteem so much by that point that if it does happen, I will not mourn too greatly because I will have found other suitors who could be better-matched for me than Vico. I just feel like I will not fulfill my Oneness mission too if I do not get married, God. I want to get married to have a family too. It’s one of my impossible dreams that I don’t know how yet to achieve. You didn’t put this desire in me just to torture me in the end, did You? I just feel very discouraged because I’ve possibly sunk in so much into Vico if it turns out that he was another character test. In ISA’s name, amen. 33. All right, God. You’ve given me a brain so I will only reveal to Vico that Mary Magdalene/Norr Weston is shared with Nikki and Esther is shared with Shawntel if he asks me to be his girlfriend. So he has options. He shares Jesus with me. 34. Does Nikki exist for me or for Vico? I guess both? My bisexuality was taken into account by Godhead, but I don’t want her in that way, God. If ever that was the intention. 35. Lord, does this mean anything? If Mike had his chance with Audrey but they didn’t make it, wouldn’t it stand to reason that he would get with Nikki if ever my framework brought them together? Their de Guzmans match, God, and I think this is supposed to be an opportunity for them if ever. And if me and Vico don’t work out, maybe he could try Nikki as well? That is unfortunate for both me and Audrey, since Nikki outshines both of us. Am I supposed to find someone for Nikki to end up with? I don’t know what to do about her existence. Please guide me towards what the best thing to do is. In ISA’s name, amen. 36. Lord, I hope no one kills themselves because I’ve mentioned them in my Obsidian diary. I really hope this isn’t the traumatic part You are talking about. Please, God. If it’s Your will, please don’t lead anyone to kill themselves. Not Jeffrey. Not Shawntel. Please, God. In ISA’s name, amen. Will Jeffrey actually spread the nude of me? I’m prepared for it, God. I would just mention it to Vico first or in my diary to pre-emptively tell the world. In ISA’s name, amen. 37. June 29, 2026: Lord, please, if it is Your will, please make Neil Clarke see sense in buying my story Vision. I really need money right now to make my debt burden lighter. I don’t even think I will use it for HeyGen yet. I just need some money to be able to keep afloat for a while, and not burden my parents too much. In ISA’s name, amen. 38. Lord, I need to accept that Vico and I are probably going to be good friends only. But if it is Your actual will for us to be married? Is that supposed to be left to us? I feel so much pressure God, because so much of it is riding on me being chosen by Vico. I’m supposed to be the one making the choice, but Lord, I feel so empty currently and it’s like I know nothing of the Real World, really. I know I don’t have to be burdened by this to transcend it, just go with the flow. Just pass the time by attempting to get as many social interactions as possible before 2028 so that my anxiety naturally gets atrophied. I feel like I have nothing to show for for 28 years. I’m sure Vico also feels this way probably, in a personality way. He’s never had a relationship with a woman so he’s bound to be bad at it like me. We’re going to be children together, is the most pleasant outcome. I just wish I didn’t dread it. I dread it more than being excited by it because I know I’m not exactly nice or pleasant to be around. All I have right now are feelings of being like a teenager around my parents. I’m 28 but I still feel really handicapped in a way because I have nor real experience to show for. Not much accomplished at all. What am I supposed to talk about with him? Movies? I barely know how to talk about movies I like. Interstellar? Of course that’s the default. But I don’t want to trauma dump him. Lord, am I always going to feel anxious? When will I ever feel like a capable person? In ISA’s name, amen. 39. Daily anxiety spread, God. I am so anxious that I won’t win. There, I said it again and again. I’m so afraid that I’ll have to do even more work if I don’t win, God. When I’ve tried my very best, all I can do now is leave the results to You, God. Your will over any other man’s wills. Yet I am so afraid. Please lighten this burden of fear within me because I am so afraid, God. My fear is too great to bear sometimes. In ISA’s name, amen. 40. I thank You God, for giving me enough intelligence today to start with keywords—as always, Kristine Reynaldo’s advice with bullet points—to finish writing my abstract for TLS. Thank You God for reaffirming that I am intelligent. I can do this, and that You have equipped me well enough to be creative and purposive when it really comes down to things. Thanks again! 41. God, I’m so so so tired of being alive and being burdened. I know You really said your yolk is easy and your burden is light. What did You mean by that? Please, God, I am so tired of being alive really. Really tired. I wish I wasn’t alive sometimes because of the pressure, but I know I can’t really complain if my lot in life is going to be so great in the future. I just don’t know how to bear this impatience, this dread, this fear, God, of being afraid and helpless when I face the adult world I am so thoroughly unprepared for. Who is going to guide me, God? I know You are here with me, wherever I go, but sometimes I feel like I’m all alone, really. Because I need to be able to talk to people and no one can help me talk to people but myself. I just don’t have the gift of language, God. Truly, my anxiety makes things impossible. If You wanted a better-equipped servant, You wouldn’t have picked me, but You’re stuck with me, and I have to hope that my future people and husband, most of all, will be willing to shoulder me as a burden and a responsibility, because at worst I am a liability because of my social anxiety and panic attacks. I’m going to have to exaggerate my panic attacks to get him to agree to shoulder this burden for his and my entire lifetime, God. I just can’t do it, deep down. I know I will fail because it’s like I wasn’t built to be a person in real world scenarios. I just don’t know how to do anything, and I fear for my future because I have nothing made. I have nothing to show for. My mind is constantly empty, and I have no personality unless I really made the effort. Why are things so effortful, God? I just wish I didn’t have to try. Nothing comes easy to me. Even what I did earlier in the abstract was a little uncertain. I just need Your reassurance that everything will work out God. Truly, I still believe You can do the impossible. If I found the idea of making an abstract impossible, but was able to do it today, then anything is possible. In ISA’s name, amen. 42. June 30, 2026: Lord, today I feel like I walked into a problem that is intractable. I am so scared too, but I want to be able to contribute what the best of my intelligence can muster for the hard problem of consciousness. I need to be able to understand Implied Author Theory again in a way I can explain to laymen. I basically need to do the impossible. Lord, teach me how to do it so I struggle less. I feel at a loss today, God. I am so discouraged by the puniness of my brain today. Now that I don’t have armodafinil, I feel sapped of mental energy to be able to process just WTF is going on in high theory. In ISA’s name, amen. 43. It seems that I’ve forgotten how to write an essay, God. Please enable me to write them again. I can’t have degraded that fast. I must be able to do it piecewise. I’ll start tomorrow because I really think my dream about the magazine was legit. I’ll present a small direction so that other official philosophers can build on top of me. I’m not even a real philosopher yet, so that’s bound to be challenging for me as I have literally no background and poor memory. In ISA’s name, amen. 44. Okay, God, the first step to improvement is acceptance. I’ve accepted that I will produce crappy words to start with but I will have time to improve them. I just need to feel alive again with my brain. It feels like my brain is dead for now. 45. July 1, 2026: Lord! Please help Your servant. I know I did not consciously come up with TLS at all. It’s beyond me how You made my path smoother than normal. Because I couldn’t have coalesced all of it into a whole—say, the part where Vinny gets married but eventually has a last word for Gail. I couldn’t have come up with that brilliance if I tried a thousand lifetimes. I don’t know where my ideas generally come from, and I was probably manic somehow, but Lord, I am so spent today. Even before doing any work, I feel disempowered because I know my natural intelligence isn’t all that great. I need actual intelligence and know-how to be able to consciously craft a nonfiction article or essay, God. I cannot just wing it again. I know, God. It’s harder than it looks to me because I’m always anxious, but You aren’t anxious at all. Help me see a way out of my anxieties, God. Please, it is becoming unbearable to be so afraid of how I don’t have it made yet. In ISA”s name, amen. 46. Lord, my anxiety for today is that I’m not worthy of Vico. Please help me heal this. I feel so incomplete and lost and empty as a person it’s like I’m not even a competent human being. I feel so insecure because I have no personality except weird and forgetful. That is bound to be unpleasant. If I forget the simplest details about my family, how am I expected to remember and care for the lives of people I would claim to love in the future like Vico and my children with him? Lord I feel like such a child that needs an adult to hand-hold me through life’s absurdities. Why did I ever reach this age and become so empty and devoid of any personality? Lord, please help me heal this insecurity. I am bound to be worthy if You will it, because You already found me worthy enough, but Lord, I am so scared of the responsibility that I will have to bear in the future. Please help me grow up God. Change my attitude towards work. I need this to be easier because I just can’t see a way out of my very specific problems. How am I going to woo Vico at this rate? Am I always going to be the one to respond to his conversations? How will I initiate when I do not have it in me to initiate anything because it’s like I have no intentions or free will at all. I am so scared, God. That I’ve come to You empty-handed indeed. And You are only picking me because of my virtual character, and not because of anything I’ve done in Real World really, because I’ve done nothing with my life so far. In ISA’s name, amen. 47. Lord, I poured out my heart to You today and I’m already empty. May I remember this day when I really fell apart because I have no one to rely on but You. I’ve laid it all down before You, God, in tears and sip-on and all my kneeling and groveling. I’ve cast my burdens down at Your feet. Please do Your part to make me feel better, at the very least. I feel like my problems are impossible today. They feel so large today, God. 48. Lord, I now know I need a friend more than a husband right now. I would love it if Vico is my close friend who attends to my needs and desires my wellbeing. I never had this kind of care in my life, and why would I expect Vico to do so without conditions? I wish I was attractive enough to be his wife, Lord, but let’s be honest, I need to try my real best as in get procedures by that point in 2028 to really earn his attention that way. It’s not because I don’t believe in Your promises and the hope You’ve given me, if any of those were real on Your end, it’s just that I feel like Vico will have to assume so much responsibility he would have never needed to sign up for if he just picked someone neurotypical like Nikki. He will never be happy with me in a full adult way if that’s my future, God. How am I to solve this problem myself? Exactly, this problem is not up to me. I just have to be fine emotionally if it doesn’t pan out how I wanted exactly. That Vico will not believe we have a special relationship at all, in the first place. And that depends squarely on how well I can convince him. And the prestige I’m going to get. So Lord, if You actually will it so that we’re endgame, You have to maximize everything on my end and which is beyond my skillset anyway. With my own methods, I know I have nothing figured out yet. But with You God, nothing is impossible. Not even the wildest possibilities that I’ve sketched out even if I am incompetent to myself. I know You said You will really do all of these in Your time if I ask in Your name, God, and truth be told, I’ve always been saying it as a kind of reflex now. But I never really understood it yet. I feel like if it’s aligned with Your actual will, which I am still unsure about because of my fears, You will do so in Your name because it’s all for You, anyway, why I live at all. So God, I surrender my will because my will causes me to fear everything. Everything that I am is fear-laden and anxious and my will is basically not even there anymore. My will wants me to take it easy and do nothing hard, because I’m afraid I will make meager progress only and that nothing will work to convince people. My will is so flawed, God, and pockmarked with all of my trauma from my past and present and anxiety about the future. That’s why I’m surrendering to Your will today, fully. Please enable me to hear Your will more fully now that God, I’ve sworn off medications for my life. It’s nearly impossible to do anything without medication these days, God, because I know I have a brain difference that requires a little tweaking. I need Your power to rest on me if ever it is Your will. How am I to do all of this if I am constantly afraid of my next move? Please help me, God. More than that, please enable me to see it as possible. Please increase my confidence that You will work things out and give me solutions to my problems while You’re at it. All this You will do in Your name, right? In ISA’s name, amen. 49. Lord, thank You for making me think of “don’t look down” but I need more help to be able to apply it to myself. I literally can’t help but look down at all the other things I have yet to accomplish. I simply can’t switch off this mindset of having to look at everything I have to do. 50. July 2, 2026: LORD!!!! I HAVE NO WORDS!!!! YOU’VE TRULY COME THROUGH FOR ME. EVEN THOUGH I WAS BARELY PREPARED. EVEN THOUGH I DOUBTED AND WORRIED. YOU CAME THROUGH. AND THAT I HOPE I WILL NEVER FORGET. Speaking at church and Obsidian miracle!!! 1. Lord, I will be happy regardless if Vico wants me. I want You to be enough for me. I am frankly scared of Vico liking me for some reason. Maybe I just feel not up to the task. But I’ve seen what You’ve done today. It’s not the size of my problem, but the size of my God. Surely God, I would have less problems in my life if Vico wasn’t one of them, but I want him to be my main problem, God. He will force me to transcend my weaknesses to come through for him. I can’t wait to surprise myself too, in the process. Just like today. I’m just so mightily scared of the future God, for things that haven’t even happened yet. Please lessen the amount of fear I feel every day, God. You know how I need You daily. In ISA’s name, amen. 51. July 3, 2026: Lord, I now know why I’m avoiding effort and work. It’s not because I’m inherently lazy. It’s because I feel small every time I start something I’m not immediately great at. Or great in a sometimes/lucky way only. I don’t like that I’m not reliable because I’m neurodivergent and have memory issues, and this causes me to have low self-esteem. Truly, everything springs from self-esteem issues with me. If I had that grounded confidence in who I am truly, and that I would be accepted by those I respect and want to respect me, I wouldn’t feel like I’m constantly shooting myself in the foot because my anxiety causes my performance to worsen. No more expansive flow states if I’m afraid, see. It’s just that I need a reliable way to tell that I should esteem myself greatly, and maybe exercise accomplishment is one way I can reliably count on my own effort. Thank You for giving me this wisdom. Now all I gotta learn is how to have good self-esteem despite the trauma of my past. Fundamentally, what I’m running from is the threat of being small. So many things make me feel small than the average person does, God, and I don’t know why it had to be this way. I should rest in the fact that You’ve chosen me to be Your servant and that You delight in me, but currently, sometimes, besides the miracle You pulled yesterday, I have no reliable way to really shore up my self-esteem which is heavily dependent on external factors that I sense, and the only thing I really trust is my subjective judgment about things. I feel like my grounded paranoia is a strength, because maybe I’m more right than not about some things, and especially what happened with March 9, which turned out exactly as I feared. I can’t easily get past that. Will I be worried Vico won’t pursue me, and even worse, pursue Nikki in the end? Possibly, I could be right. So I’m not going to mention Nikki at all anymore. I’ve decided that I should have more grace for Vico’s indiscretions because he’s human, after all. 1. The way that I talk to myself matters a great deal. 52. Why am I always dreaming of Elaiza, God? Is she meant to be a stand-in for Nikki? I’ve dreamt of her thrice this past two weeks, I think. What about Cyril and her? Is it Vico and Nikki? Is Vico abnormal? Is this meant to be an encouragement to me that he is also neurodivergent? You may be exaggerating about it, I don’t know, but maybe he is weird in the right way for me. Please let us be compatible if ever that’s Your divine plan to get us together. In ISA’s name, amen. Also, did Deanne Ashley Lim really appear in my dreams because I reposted Shawntel’s content? (she follows Shawntel). 53. Lord, if ever Vico and I are endgame, I wish he would be the type to take lots of pictures of me even if I’m not beautiful. I don’t know, just a thought. In ISA’s name, amen. 54. Lord, I have no idea who is going to win Vico, me, Nikki, or Shawntel. All I ask is that Vico is loved for who he truly is, and if that person is going to be me, please purify my love for him so that I don’t see the benefits as the end-all be-all of why I’m happy with him. Please teach me to become someone who is capable of real love, God, because I fear I am not up for it. If I actually win his hand in marriage someday, that will be a huge responsibility too, to show up for him in that way, an adult way, a real way. In ISA’s name, amen. 55. July 4, 2026: Lord, I know You’re probably sick of me asking so many things, but please, once again, I come before You as Your servant trying to build up my website for next year, and please, can You make the comments section work for me? I’ve tried so many times to get it to work to no avail. In ISA’s name, amen. 1. OMG THANK YOU GOD FOR ANSWERING MY PRAYER ALMOST TOO FAST!!!!!!!! THANKS!!!!! AAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHHHHAHAHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 56. When I really think about it, God, there is no difference between online and offline appointment setting. There’s still another person on the other end taking in my input. That’s the only thing that should matter, and I should have a clear head to try and take into account what they’re saying. 57. Lord, You know me, I’m running on empty. I have no life currently. I don’t know how to small talk, I don’t know how to big talk, all I have are my YouTube tutorials and guides, and it’ll be a long time before I’m invited to develop these skills. I have to be a quick learner by that point. God, please help me be patient. I know I have the capability, it’s just a lack of opportunity. I wish I had people invite me somewhere. I don’t even know much about essay writing anymore. I need to reinvent how I live, God. If I am to be a personality that is interesting and full of life, how do I even begin when all I have is emptiness? In ISA’s name, amen. 58. Lord, as early as now, I’m praying for an advisory group or mentors who can help me develop my ideas further no matter how untrained I am. I need to be able to trust these people with developing the Parousia ideas around the base You’ve given me. Lord, how will I bear it? Please prepare these people to help me unselfishly. Please make them patient around me and teach me patiently the things I’ve yet to learn about what I’m walking into. Please let them volunteer their time to the ISA Movement someday. In ISA’s name, amen. 59. Lord, fitting with my streak for asking the impossible, please do something about my anhedonia. I feel it’s an impossible problem that will never leave me and will always be a mainstay of my personality. Please give me external signs of how to fix it besides exercise. I like that You are giving me POV dreams especially with Ysmael and all, and thank You for those, because those give me perspective about how Vico might see a relationship with me someday. And supposedly it shouldn’t matter that I struggle if he really loved me. I wish he would love me truly to the point that it wouldn’t matter that I am a dependent person. Only, I don’t know what would actually make him love me unconditionally. I don’t see why I would want that kind of love anyway. Would my TLS be strong enough to make him love me? If I really saw him for himself? I truly hope so. In ISA’s name, amen. 60. July 5, 2026: Trusting that You God will handle me well when I lose, if I lose. I don’t know my future and will never be able to foresee if I win or not. All of it is in Your hands, God. Please teach me to be less afraid of the result and more about my heart by then. I should be content no matter what the result. And this isn’t only because Vico is on the line here. If it was really Your will God to bring us together in a special destiny, You will will it to be so. But God, there’s only so much I can do to bring it to fruition. I am only human after all, and I cannot always do my best. Maybe I’ve become delusional all this time because of my dreams You’ve given me, in which case, I wouldn’t know for sure if they’re from You. All I have is a strong feeling that I will win. And that’s that. But God, I’m so worried still. I am counting down the days till I’m swept into a new world where I have new responsibilities and hopefully new capacities to be able to match what You have in store for me. If I really am the Parousia, and if I really have this lineage with Christ, the first Jesus, then nothing can stand in my way, not even all of my bodily flaws and insecurities and fears. I only hope they are irrelevant. God knows how much beauty matters to people, especially to men. God, I’m so scared if he won’t like me. I’m so scared it’s going to be because of me that I will fail to capture him. Lord, please, protect me from my own desires clouding everything. I would try to be content with a special friendship only, but God, You know my heart. You were the one who inspired me to write down my wishlist for a future husband that seemingly describes Vico to a tee. How am I supposed to think in any other way, now? Are my Elaiza dreams a sign it will not come true in this life? Am I supposed to think that just because her mother looks like Nikki, then it’s surely going to come from the line of Nikki instead? Lord, I really hope not. That would be my worst nightmare. I really hope You come through for me once again, God, in all my failures and fears. Please be the X factor that blows out the water everything I thought possible and impossible. In ISA’s name, amen. 61. All right, God. I’ve removed the password for [gailyap.blog](http://gailyap.blog) so it’s less exclusionary because I want more people to read it. This is the wisdom You’ve given me today, if that threat about being naked was any clue. Please correct me otherwise if this isn’t wise. In ISA’s name, amen. 1. Ok, Lord. I realize I have too little faith in people. I need to have more faith that more people are interested in it. It will filter out those who are fans and those who aren’t. 62. Lord, I’m so scared of the graduation process. It’s such a small problem to most people who are neurotypical, but not me. I have to jump through hoops to rein in my anxiety about it all. Please make the rough places smooth for me in this regard in the future, God. In ISA’s name, amen. 63. July 6, 2026: Lord, what do I do with my life when every basic thing people take for granted feels like an ordeal for me? I am at a loss at how to fix my problems. I feel like I need an external solution—say, being reincarnated indeed. How am I to earn Vico’s love—never mind that I always feel like I have to earn it instead of me choosing him—if I constantly feel like a child? Who always needs assistance and dependence? I know You designed me to depend on people but not to this extent. Sometimes I feel You made a very big mistake with me, God. Judging from my conversations with my parents in the car earlier while picking up mom, I feel like I never inherited anything good from either parent. Why did I have to be born neurodivergent? Why couldn’t I have just been born normal? How can I fix my life going forward? Please show me the way, God. Because I am so so terrified for my future and I feel like I’m rational for fearing that I’ll be bland and banga at everything I do as an adult. In ISA’s name, amen. 64. July 7, 2026: Lord, I am so sorry for being irresponsible again. I woke up really late again despite treating every thirty minutes as precious “last one” and I ended up folding on my word. Please help me not to be lazy. I just don’t know why I can’t get up on time. I already set so many alarms and I need to reclaim more time in my day. I wonder how other people do it. Please help me keep my promises to myself. Lord knows I need it to solve my self-esteem problem. I feel like shit all the time because I’m so lazy and unactivated because I don’t have this alertness and it’s like I’m only interesting when I’m not exactly sober. I suppose other alcoholics also have this. They feel empty when they’re not drunk and having fun. Lord, please enable me to have fun too while I’m sober and off armodafinil and other stimulants. I need to be able to have a life without these handicaps. In ISA’s name, amen. 65. Lord, You’ve enabled me to look on the bright side for now if Vico doesn’t end up pursuing me. I could self-develop myself and not be tied down by marriage if ever that doesn’t end up happening. I could go for a Master’s at Harvard if ever. Or even a PhD. I could travel and meet other men. We’ll both be happy, just not with each other. I truly hope this is a good option for me and that I won’t be secretly miserable because my wishes didn’t come true with Vico. It’s just that I’m sentimental and would be unwilling to part with the poetic justice of me praying for Vico in my wishlist. He’s so incredibly rare that I can’t find someone like him easily. May I find someone who’s the best fit for me and is willing to take care of me as a neurodivergent person, God. I need that to be my baseline. I have a feeling Vico isn’t willing to work that hard for a love life because he feels like he isn’t built for relationships with women because of his early trauma. And he doesn’t really have experience with romance. I wonder what it would take for him to truly fall in love with a woman. All this I surrender to You, God. In ISA’s name, amen. 66. Lord, I feel like I want to give up already on my learning. It’s so hard to learn from audio. There, I said it. Please enhance my ability to learn from YouTube. I feel like I will never be able to regurgitate even the most basic points of what I’m watching. It feels like molasses for me. In ISA’s name, amen. 67. Lord, I just want to give up everything about all this effort to be marriageable and be an adult? Why should I try so hard when theoretically, I should be enough? I feel so tired trying to climb up this never-ending mountain. Please help me bear this phase in my life. I am ambitious, but it’s like I am so incapacitated too. You really didn’t give me a chance in life when all of my life events turned out this way! Please God!!!! I need some sign of progress on my part. I need to be able to see improvement physically so I am encouraged in this pursuit. I am so tired and impatient. Please help me, Your servant. In ISA’s name, amen. 68. Lord, I’m so scared of Vico now. What if I really am not meant for him? What if the prophecies for me are really not for me but just for provisional purposes in case I was actually born a little more normal? I find it really hard to surrender him to You God, as if everything is in my hands. But God, You did lead me towards Accoiyo and Batany pair, opposites in our last names, how am I supposed to deal with that? 69. July 8, 2026: Lord, my dream is to return to a poetic state of mind. You know, the one that produced Tomorrow you’ll be here. I get that it was a time of turmoil and sadness, and I wish I still had its creative bonuses, its fuels, its dependencies. But I wouldn’t change things anymore. I couldn’t have it better this time in 2026. I am so thankful about how things turned out now, but I wish I could still have a creative streak again. How am I going to pay my bills someday? Will they really publish my unpublished poems? Will they contract me for a novel? 70. July 9, 2026: Lord, not my will but Yours. I wish I could get another acceptance from Clarkesworld. Andrew, Norr Weston, please help me in this regard. Please pray for me and guide the hands that handle my submission towards acceptance. I wish it were easy again, but I really feel unconfident about Vision making it towards at least a Second Round this week. Preferably, it’s going to happen this week. Please give me money (I promise I will not waste it). I know it’s pathetic to be asking You for material things. Not in a mocking way, but in a desperate way. I never ask for money with You, God. But this time I’m making a new deed towards actually asking for material gains. I really wish I could ignite my writing spark again. I wish it was fun again to write fiction, but alas. I really lost all my interest in it a long time ago. I’m just so lazy and unable to imagine anymore. Please listen to me oh God. In ISA’s name, amen. 71. Lord, I’m looking forward to a physical miracle from the heavens just as I win Berggruen to confirm my Parousia. I am just being given hope that You will announce me somehow to the world, just like You did to Jesus, “This is my Son, with whom I am well pleased.” in Matthew 3:16. If not, then it’s going to be fine. But I was just spitballing today with ideas about what would legitimate me to the papacy if they actually witness and hear this from You Yourself instead of just my declarations. Please back me, God. In real life, preferably. I’m counting on You to pull this off. Everything is possible with You, God. And I thank You for Your creativity and providence. In ISA’s name, amen. 1. I have an inkling, God, that this is going to be a worldwide common dream by all the peoples of the world including myself. It’s certainly not going to come from the sky, but it’s certainly going to be worldwide. If You could make Norr Weston possible, if Norr Weston could make Norr Weston possible, then anything is possible with all the people of the world. It will certainly go a long way, God. I believe You can do this. I will pray about this. For all I know my prayers and brainstorming about a possible gateway might make You amenable for this path to come to fruition in the future. In ISA’s name, amen. 72. Lord, I hope if Vico and I get close enough, he’d accept me as I am. Even if I don’t always have an opinion on things. Even if I’m natameme. Even if I’m a child deep down. Even if I’m not beautiful. In ISA’s name, amen. 73. July 10, 2026: Lord, I pray for enough money to have Ideaverse Pro in the future. You know I need it for my memory, God. Thank You for Your future provision, if ever it is Your will for me to steadily improve my memory. In ISA’s name, amen. 74. Lord, today I curse my sourgraping heart. I realize I was just too envious of Janina Vela today because of her speaking skills honed since she was a teenager. I’m so envious of her superstore of skills and her skillset. She can go anywhere from knowing how to communicate. However, I just thought that her actual impact is actually really small. I want to be the type to actually move the needle in a real way in politics. And that can only come from You, since I know that Narrative/Discourse is just too soft of a power to actually do anything pragmatic. Lord, if it is Your will for me indeed to develop the same communication and memory skills as Janina, please let it be easier on me, as in, I find it already really hard to learn Tagalog from scratch, discounting all of my previous learnings about it and entering like a beginner all over again. How am I supposed to develop these skills, God? It seems so hard and impossible. Please help me deal with it productively instead of being paralyzed by the amount of work I have to sow to reap the blessings in the future, God. I’m just worried that the work I’m doing now wouldn’t really amount to much in the future. In ISA’s name, amen. 75. Lord, if ever Vico and I are really going to interact in the future, please let it be that we develop a messaging relationship first. It would be so much easier on my anxiety to have that baseline out of the way before we actually meet each other in person. Please, God. It would do very well for me to have this be the way things are going to shake out. Please give him the confidence to message me first. Please give him the openness to new people aside from news anchors. Most importantly, please give him the curiosity to even know me in the first place so he gets a sampling of how I think with gailyap.blog. I know all of these prayers would really amount to nothing but the increase in my faith if I don’t end up winning Berggruen after all, God. Which means more work on my end to do. Please, God. I pray so fervently for the victory—not even shared with others as fit for Your glory—because I know it will do You one great glory. It will be Your glory, after all, that I’m representing. Imagine if Berggruen Institute actually prioritizes Christianity this time around as a shared fiction for the world to unite. God, I pray so hard for this victory and I don’t know how to overstate it since I’m already desperate for it to be true given the difference between what You’re giving me today and what the actual reaction would be of real life people to the piece. Thank You, God, for moving Paolo’s heart to follow me back finally. I wasn’t expecting that to coincide with the 1.2k vision, but here we are, possibly my first convert for real. Your first disciple, God, if Audrey wasn’t convinced by me. Thank You, God, in advance, for always looking out for my wellbeing even if I don’t always feel it all the time, like today, when I nearly collapsed from all the hard work I have yet to do. In ISA’s name, amen. 76. July 11, 2026: Lord, I recognize that the Nikki dream last night could be a clue regarding whether or not I should include news anchors. But it’s such an important part of me to include this small complaint. I feel disingenuous if I don’t include or at least touch on it because Vico wouldn’t honestly know me inside and out, and I feel like if I am right, he is going to believe in my intelligence more and will be more likely to convert to my way of thinking. I don’t know if this means I’m surrendering my “right” to be with him, or the “pastor right” from my dream last night. I wish I knew what to do. Please give me more dreams regarding her or my decisions about this. In ISA’s name, amen. 77. Lord, I forgot the dream about Bindi Irwin. Please give me another sign that I should remove news anchors or edit out Why Not Vico Sotto page. I am only letting it STET because I care more about having Vico believe me (that he should trust that my intelligence is well-founded) than the relationship part. In ISA’s name, amen. 1. For the weighted decision matrix later: 1. He will feel nice that I pointed out his good behavior, but nothing to counter it to take into account everything—a more complete picture of him would be better so that he doesn’t think I’m idealizing him 2. He will feel a little bad and embarrassed of course and think who the fuck is Abby Yee to say these things—but my Berggruen win is the public face while [gailyap.blog](http://gailyap.blog) is the private face of the movement. 3. If we don’t end up as lovers because of this, I would still have a friend hopefully. 4. I need to be as honest as possible so he doesn’t think I’m just a creepy fan who is obsessed with him for surface reasons 78. July 12, 2026: Lord, if Vico has a fragile masculinity that I cannot challenge at all then maybe he isn’t for me. I need to be able to have the confidence that he will be all right and even be challenged healthily once he reads Why Not Vico Sotto page. In ISA’s name, amen. 79. July 13, 2026: Lord, I realize this is an evil thought, but what if Vico gets married to Nikki or some other adult woman who isn’t me, and then he realizes, cue my dream about him moping on the road, how no woman understands him like I do. Maybe he will get divorced for real and eventually pursue me in my forties. While he’s in his 50s. But I guess he’s not the type to regret what he chose—panindigan niya talaga desisyon niya. But there is this slim hope in me. God, I’m not ready and You know it. I barely know how to cook or manage a household. I don’t know the first thing about being an adult. And now the pressure is on me to get married in my thirties, by the looks of it. I hope Vico will have a lot of patience if ever he decides to pursue me. I hope he actually studies how to pursue women. It will be hard because he’s never done it in his life. In ISA’s name, amen. 80. Lord, please don’t forsake me when I release Berggruen finally into the wild. Please accompany me every step of the way such that I feel it. I wish the worldwide common dream would happen because firstly, it will protect me from my parents’ disbelief. I need them to believe in what I’m doing and what better way than a physical miracle? In ISA’s name, amen. 81. I have faith that God will increase my capacity in all areas of my life. Language, communication, praxis, anxiety reduction, personality, memory, etc. Lord, I entrust to You all my worries today. I feel inadequate, but that doesn’t mean I actually am. It is all relative. So many people can’t do what I do. I should be grateful. In ISA’s name, amen. 82. Lord, please help me believe I will outgrow my anxiety even though it’s really entrenched already. I hope to outgrow it just as I outgrew my anxiety whenever I went to malls. In ISA’s name, amen. And also, my procrastination. 83. July 15, 2026: Lord, I need You to reassure me that what I’m doing adding news anchors is going to end up great for everyone involved. I do not wish to add it—at great cost to me and my honesty and integrity—if it’s going to harm Vico for sure that he’s going to hate me or think about suing me or shutting me down. In that case, give me another sign that it’s not the way to go. In ISA’s name, amen. 84. Lord, today I want to die out of inadequacy. I know it’s not just low self-esteem, realistically. Realistically, God, my life has turned out empty. I have nothing, no mind of my own. I can’t be a wind-up toy for Vico to appreciate because I am not that at all. I don’t think I am up for taking care of him. At best, we can be best friends. But I wouldn’t know the first thing about taking care of another human emotionally. It’s not just that I’ve never done it, it’s because I don’t know how normal people work. I don’t really know what’s expected of me. And unless a miracle happens, I will forever remain in the dark about how to work with people. Please God, I’m nearly suicidal because of my thoughts today. It’s not that I want to die, it’s just that I need a physical miracle to be able to sustain this incredible lack on my end. I have an incredible amount of work to do and I don’t even know if it’s going to be worth it in the end. I am crestfallen and sad at the amount of need I have just to be a human being that can exist functionally. It seems like I was never built to be part of this world. If my parents died tomorrow, I wouldn’t know the first thing about how to survive. God, please don’t let that happen. In ISA’s name, amen. 85. Maybe, God, Your will for me is not to be in a relationship with anyone. I will try to accept that in the future when I’m old and lonely. It’s just that what I really wish for right now is to be an adult in mind and body. I just can’t get married in this state. I wish Vico would wait for me, but alas, we can’t expect him to wait around forever. I wish I didn’t have to exist sometimes because it’s making me so sad to know that I’m the weak link in this chain. If it weren’t for me, we would both be happy. You see my problem, God? I have no language ability, not much with beauty either, what do I stand to offer him in return for his greatness? I will be so sad when he doesn’t get interested in me for obvious reasons. Why did You set me up like this, God? I wish You didn’t create me so flawed sometimes, like I wish I wasn’t born at all, like so many men in the Bible who felt hopeless like Elijah and Job. I have nearly nothing to offer him but a token compliment in an essay. I am even catfishing him with the website if I cannot substantiate my love with real practicalities of adulthood. Why oh why did You create me like this God? How am I supposed to get better? How am I supposed to undo years of lack and brain damage by absence? Lord, You’ve got a great big problem on Your hands, mostly surrounding my suicide in the future. I can’t say I won’t do it. I wish I won’t do it, God forbid, but Lord, please let me handle the despair gracefully. I cannot leave the world hopeless as if I wasn’t saved at all. I wish I didn’t need Vico anymore. There, I said it. I wish all this desire would fall away from me so I can really concentrate on becoming a better human being. It seems like my sex drive is all but non-existent these days so I’m heading there anyway. I no longer desire Vico as much in that way because first, the pressure and responsibility in the future is crushing my fantasies, and second, I’m depressed, and Vico won’t magically care about me or my mental health just because I complimented him in an essay. I have very little sex drive these days. Lead me to be content with a dream, God. Please make him reject me in the best possible way so I can live as myself, for once and for all. I can’t believe I’m finally giving him up, God. But I am. I will try my best to be happy for him once he marries someone else more capable and right for him. It’s just…I wish I could be indescribably satisfied too in that way. If only…I weren’t so defective. I know You said you made me fearfully and wonderfully, it’s just that the world has different standards. I wish he would say that he would always love me between us only. Please, God. I’m so desperate that I wish for evil to happen, that is, to have him be a divorced dad in the future so I can slither into his life once again. God, please don’t let me be evil. I just wish I was that person for him, in body and mind. I can’t be that person for him now, so I must reject him pre-emptively? Lord, I don’t know what to do at this point. It seems like I had no problem at all with the fantasy but when it comes to the nitty-gritty of adult lives I’m at a total loss about how to begin. I wish he would be patient with me and never falter or doubt in his love for me when we’re inevitably together and fighting because of my disabilities. I wish he would take care of everything for me since he finds it easier. But Lord, I’m just so sad today. It’s a month before showtime and I’m getting cold feet about the entire thing. What if I win, indeed? I am scared of disappointing everyone inevitably. They will realize I have nothing to offer them and will grow bored with me. Please, God, don’t let that happen. Have You come and set me up just to be disappointed? Please guide my brain’s steps as I try to navigate the thought of it all, at this point. It hasn’t even happened and I’m already slightly panicking. In ISA’s name, amen. 86. Lord, I’m just worried about Your plans if ever Vico actually falls in love with me. He would have to sacrifice a lot, and I don’t want him to be miserable. I’m fully letting him go if it means he will be happier and happiest with another woman. Lord, I love him, but I cannot make him love me. That is my problem with Your design. It’s not that I don’t value his free will. It’s just that I have no power at all to make him be capable of seeing me that way in the first place aside from a challenge to his ego. Lord, I don’t know what to do at the end of the day. Please God, Annie, Jesus, everybody, please help me. I don’t know what to do but talk to You. I have fully relinquished my right to be his one and only, if it means that he will truly be miserable with me and be happier somewhere else. Do You hear me God? I’m giving him up for now seeing as very little on my part can actually move the needle. I’ve half a mind to just give up on my memory pursuit and Tagalog pursuit. All of it will not undo years of damage and lack. What am I supposed to do but pretend for the rest of my life that I know what I’m doing? Lord, I know it’s what anyone else would do, but I can’t help but feel utmost miserable when I’m doing it. I can’t pretend, You know I can’t. I am empty-headed even to myself, what’s worse is that I’m expected to be full of stuff and passions and all when I win. I cannot do all that unless I’m communicating with a device of some kind, then I can think. I have half a mind to just let people speak to me that way, my preferred way of speaking, so they accommodate my disability, but I still want to be able to develop actual thinking skills on air without paper. How am I to do all that in three years, at most? Vico will surely not wait for me then. God, I’m so terribly hurt by my thoughts today. Please give me comfort at least, in my dreams, that it will not be so bad as I think it will be, when he won’t choose me, because we all know it’s his choice here, God. If ever Jesus actually came back as two people, it’s not just my choice you have to factor in, it’s his too. Please God, I am so worried he won’t be happy with me that I’m thinking of giving him up, as I already did, just like my dream said to me. I would try to ignore that he has married anyone at all, if it reaches that point. But Lord, what will I do by then? Please let me grow into a completely different person with genuinely different priorities by then. I cannot take this worrying and be done with it. I need an answer soon. In ISA’s name, amen. 87. Lord, I suppose those verses for barren women being married to their Creators is for me too. Even though it’s an injustice that I’m actually a Leah. I cannot do anything about it much, but if it’s for Your glory still, I’ll try to make it well with my soul, that Your will can indeed be overruled by man’s in Vico, because he is no ordinary man, I get that, and the most fitting bride is whoever makes him happiest. Not an arranged marriage this time, again. But one made out of love and free choice, just as Carl Bernardo chose. I wish I could do something to up my chances, but Lord, You’ve given me nearly nothing to work with that could be framed as a strength in the marriage market. I give up my “right” just like Esau so Vico could be happy. Or rather, I will be Leah and praise the Lord with my Judah, who is Jesus, who has indeed saved me truly, and I can rest in the fact. Lord, if ever I get famous enough, I’ll even publish these private prayers so I can at least have an income and some sympathy for being Leah. Lord, I know You didn’t make me to be miserable all my life. If it is really Your will to make me happy regardless if I get married or not, I don’t even know if that’s my gift, please start with my brain. I know I have at least some aptitude in brains but not totally to the point of real genius. I wish I could find a medication that will truly unlock my emotional hold on my knowledge that I know I can access but don’t currently have the interest to do so. Please, God, if I am to survive in this world, grant me that at least. I can try to be happy for Vico once he gets married because I will be happy in my own way too. Because if he’s happy, then I’ll live through that happiness, and not only will I live through the woman despite my old envies, but I’ll really be truly happy that at least one of us in this Parousia pair has found marital bliss. Because if he’s happy, then I’m happy. Please help me be mature about it and recognize that sex isn’t all that. It’s what I’ve always wanted to try ever since I was young, but I know it can become an idol. Maybe You are training me to fully relinquish this idol for real, God. And I thank You in advance for setting me free from it in the future. Please don’t let it hurt too bad that I’ll break. I will be counting on You to provide me with other blessings to lessen the sting. In ISA’s name, amen. 88. I will try to love You, God, even if You’ve broken my heart again. I will try again to love You, because that is what I do. I try until I can’t anymore. And I try again. 89. July 16, 2026: Lord, please give me wisdom about how to work my thesis this August. It will be terrifying but I hope all things go well. It is hard to confront my non-knowledge now. In ISA’s name, amen. 90. Lord, I need discernment to really discern what Isaiah 53 means for me and Vico. I now know that widowhood could be referring to Ruth in Isaiah 54 and Boaz means “strength.” Does this really mean I will have a role with Vico? If so, what kind of role is it? I need to prepare for it, God. So please enlighten me. In my dreams or through some other way. “[The Lord] will see his offspring and prolong his days, and the will of the Lord will prosper in his hand. After he has suffered, he will see the light of life and be satisfied. . . .Therefore I will give him a portion among the great, and he will divide the spoils with the strong” (verses 10–12). In ISA’s name, amen. 91. I feel very useless today, God. I don’t know what to say to most of the posts I come across. I hope this isn’t permanent. 92. Another sign that Vico likes Nikki—him posting Haaland audio. It’s not the end of the world, God. I feel somewhat disappointed still. Like I am just frustrated with him. I wonder why it doesn’t hurt as much as I think it should. Maybe I’ve truly given up on him. 93. Well, God. You made my mom reveal to me her dream about me taking Am-am and driving her somewhere far away from them. Now it’s Your turn next year to flip doom into a spectacular vision for humanity! In ISA’s name, amen. 94. July 17, 2026: Lord, I cast all my cares to You. I have been an unfaithful servant and I’m sorry. I don’t know how to be hardworking. I have ceased to be a person who knows how to do that. Also, I need to stop being so curious about people’s lives. I find myself daydreaming about what Vico and Nikki’s future sex life will be like and it’s kind of driving me insane. I know it’s not healthy, and I know it’s not all that, but I wish it wouldn’t happen. Anyone but Nikki, God. I have such a chip on my shoulder about her. I wish it would be Shawntel just to get it over with. If Vico really meant his word about more than matalino, it would easily be Shawntel. 95. July 18, 2026: Lord, it’s really hard to let go of my self-imposed limits. I know I have limits because of my neurochemistry. I just can’t be a neurotypical. But I can try to make up for these deficits. It’s just so hard when you’re already at a loss and starting way behind everybody at 28. I’m so lost, God. I’m so afraid too. Please help Your servant stand it all. In ISA’s name, amen. 1. God, I don’t know how I’m feeling today. Except that I’m really doubting I’ll win Berggruen. It’s not that I find my work bad now, it’s just, with secular people all around the jury, it’s going to be really hard to convince them I should win. Maybe I’ll get shortlisted. Maybe not. It’s a gamble. It’s always been a gamble. And yet God, I feel some kind of assurance too, because You didn’t give me that vision for no reason. Norr Weston didn’t appear to me just to say those things. So maybe I’ll really win. I can rest assured that even if I don’t win, Your purposes will eventually find a way. But Berggruen really seems to be Your will because I really prayed for this opportunity. And You equipped me to write it using my very own diary entries. Lord, I only ask for more intelligence as I complete the rest of the Obsidian pages I have yet to write. I am standing at a loss at how I’m going to be able to do all of that. It’s going to be hard, but You deal with impossibilities. I’m just going to have to trust that with my natural propensity to not do anything yet, You’re going to work out a method for me. Please heal me, God. I am so resistant to actual work. It hurts to think. In ISA’s name, amen. 96. Lord, God. Thank You for not allowing Clarkesworld to buy my Vision story. I forget rejections are also blessings in disguise. Thank You for teaching me patience and prudence with how I spend money. Help me to be more responsible in this area. In ISA’s name, amen. 97. Lord God, I don’t know but I feel like I will only really get the dopamine running once Berggruen makes it real for me. If I win, it’ll be a stamp on my main identity that I’m brilliant. I just hope I come to believe in it myself so it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. In ISA’s name, amen. 98. July 20, 2026: Lord God, please don’t let Shawntel or Nikki sue me. In ISA’s name, amen. 99. Lord, may I ever be ready for what awaits me in January next year. Please equip me adequately beyond more than I could ever ask for or think. In ISA’s name, amen. 100. Something about today feels easier than normal. Thank You God, for enabling the meds to work correctly. 101. Lord, I’m so worried about next year. What if people laugh at me for claiming to be the Parousia? Lord, please support me. I will not be able to bear it if people make fun of me. I wish the worldwide common dream would become a reality. You did say Yourself that You will make the rough places smooth in Isaiah. How will I slowly convince people I’m right about the Trinity? Lord, I’m only human, and I fear this responsibility is too huge for me to handle on my own. In ISA’s name, amen. 102. When I really think about it God, I am scared of being a loser. I am scared of being unworthy. I have felt it in the past and I feel it now. I will be ashamed. I will make a fool out of myself. And people will think less of me. Help me to rein in these fears. Even if it becomes true, that I will be unprepared and will make a fool out of myself because of my brain’s weaknesses, I will be fine eventually and people will forget about me. I can’t always expect to be great. I am already great because God chose me to be saved. It is not the end of the world to be a little dumb. So what if Vico doesn’t like me or thinks I’m boring? I’m going to Heaven when I die, and that will outweigh any earthly sadness I have on Earth. My loneliness will be solved in Heaven, and I will no longer need my anxiety or shame around my incompetence. 103. Lord, I hope my parents live forever. That’s it. I expect to be dependent on them forever anyway. I am really not built for this world, God. Please save me by having me die relatively early. I can’t wait for my Heaven anyway. My memory of lack on Earth will be so satisfied by the abundance of Heaven. My hope really is only in Christ. My dream in 2022. I will be accepted for who I am and loved truly and it will be perfect. 104. The first step really is acceptance. I will have to accept that I am not going to be fast when it comes to learning. I will be terrifyingly slow, but I will surprise myself anyway. That seems to be my pattern. I have surprises but they never become part of my identity. My floor is my identity. Lord, please help me set myself straight towards average performance anyway. I can’t always have low self-esteem based on my worst failures. If I constantly feel like a failure, it will drain me too. In ISA’s name, amen. 105. Lord, the temptation to give up is so great. I want to die early exactly for the reason that I think my problems are intractable and unable to be solved by one lifetime. I need future solutions for my present problems. I don’t know how I’ll be able to change and become the person I want to be if I don’t have any way to improve. 106. July 22, 2026: Surely, God, You did not expect me to marry Vico at all. Thank You regardless for the wonderful time I had early in 2026 when I really thought it was possible. I wish I could be happy again in that way. 107. What if I am assumed into Heaven without dying? Surely, God, that would be the dream. 108. Lord, I now remember my dream about basketball and Allen Iverson. Does that mean You will really come again to supplant me and Vico because our individual efforts are not going to be enough? Surely hope that’s the case. You will really come through the clouds again!!!!! I’m banking on it God!!! It just takes a little faith. Who knows where I would be next year if You Jesus would suddenly appear on Earth. We could have a partnership then. A real friendship. Lord knows I’ve been dying for one of those. In ISA’s name, amen. 109. Lord, please save me from myself. I know I can’t do it alone. I need You to be there with me in the flesh when I eventually win Berggruen. I can’t realistically be the spokesperson, You were the teacher, not me. I prefer to work behind the scenes, and this makes sense to me now. Lord, come Lord Jesus!!!! 110. God, are You still speaking to me? I feel very alone these days. Except for Bernardo, I don’t feel You are talking to me. You’ve given me a whole weight on my chest by making me realize I’m the dumbest “genius” there ever was to exist on Earth. I have really very little capacity to be who You want me to be. Please increase my capacity to be a memory champion of sorts because God, I really need my brain back. In ISA’s name, amen. 111. God, just a suggestion: what if the worldwide common dream would happen before January 2027? So the jury gets a hint that I should win? Or what if Jesus really comes back before January 2027. That would be swell! 112. July 23, 2026: Lord, is it just me, or is this a particularly painful part of my life right now? Am I meant to always be in pain these days? This emotional pain, so fraught with anxiety and fear. I can’t always handle it, so I have a breakdown in tears. 113. You know what God, You will eventually save me from my deepest desires. I will be deeply fulfilled in the end whether that is in Heaven only, or maybe a small fulfillment on Earth. I am just so afraid of being unhappy and discontent. 114. Lord, please make asking my dad for money be easier later. Please relieve me of my guilt for asking money. I know I am set for life according to them, but Lord, it gets heavy on me. In ISA’s name, amen. 115. All of my problems will be solved when Jesus returns. God, I’m looking forward to it. I need someone to depend on that is infinitely more capable than I could ever be. I await the day. 116. Maybe Jesus will really come back and heal my brain. Give me a completely new personality and memory and all. Lord, that would be such a boon and fantasy. Even more so than the Vico possibility. Only because I know if I had the personality and memory part, I would have an even bigger shot at making Vico notice me. 117. Lord, I’m just so curious about who the Antichrist is. I hope it’s not me. I surely hope it’s not me. Obviously it’s not me. But maybe an interpretation could be argued about my case. 118. Only You can heal my brain, God. Only You can save me from my brain damage and lack. How am I supposed to be alive at this rate if I can’t do all these things? I feel so useless. I will forever be waiting for Jesus to give me a new glorified body. 119. MARANATHA!!!! MARANATHA!!! LORD, YOU ARE MY ONLY HOPE. I AM SO SO TIRED OF BEING ALIVE!!!!! 120. The rapture could happen any time. Even before August 16. Maybe, maybe. God will come again soon. 121. Lord, if You return before 2028, Vico will not be able to get married to anyone. I admit that makes me a little happy and I’m sorry. I really am a bad person at heart. I don’t want to share him if I can will it. My fear is that You will not come until he is married. Possibly, Your line will come through him and whoever he is married to. Lord, I want You to come back tomorrow. I admit I am empty and depleted and I don’t know what to do, which is to say, a slight exaggeration, but only slightly. My working memory is absolute shit now and I can’t even remember the vaguest things I read and heard today. I really am at a loss, and I cannot continue living like this. I nearly cannot bear the thought that I’d have to win Berggruen first and give interviews _egad_ to Nikki possibly. Please God, come back for me soon. In ISA’s name, amen. 122. Lord, if You are not coming soon, why then would You give me that Norr Weston vision? Why would Anyone inspire me to dream of somebody talking bad about Jesus? And what inspired me exactly to name the person who talked to me? It is all a mystery. I would be let down if You didn’t come back in 2027. You made known to me a really preposterous premise, that I am an Omega Christ of a sort, and this is only doubtful to me now but regardless of my doubts, I will try to do as You will it. That is, to continually ask my parents for money to support my website. It’s currently July 23, and I am so impatient, God. You shouldn’t have told me in 2026 if it wasn’t due any time soon. And Berggruen came in the nick of time!! So it must mean something. My efforts will not be wasted even if I only get shortlisted. I will have convinced some philosophy people to take me seriously. And that may count towards the world’s highest IQ-holder’s prophetic calculation about Christianity being made known to more people. 1. Maybe this is why You said through that man that the last shame I will have will be my naked body exposed to some people. I just think that You coming back soon would be even better than any monetary award that Berggruen could ever give me. Lord, I await Your deliverance from this body of death. Please save me from myself and my brain. In ISA’s name, amen. 2. Lord, I can’t wait for You to talk to me again in my dreams. I just miss when I definitively got a message from You. I suppose I need to prepare for another one of the scaries if I want a message from You. 123. July 24, 2026: Lord, please take me away from this Earth soon. I am so depleted and I lack everything important. I have no realistic way to improve to the point where I’m functional. Come to think of it, what will my glorified body be like? Will I finally remember things? Will I finally be made new? Will I magically have knowledge? Will I be the best version of myself? I hope so. 124. I believe it’s illogical to worry. But Lord, I cannot help it. Even if I am the dumbest person alive, I will still end up in Heaven someday. I know this. Lord, if I take the math dream with Sir Gabby to mean anything, it means I will be free and exempted somehow. Lord, I wish. Please save me from myself and my trauma of being myself. Lord, You know how unjust everything had to be to be me, all the way from childhood, those little injustices added up to a giant mess I can no longer stop. Please come back for me, God. Remember me, God. Please save me from this ruinous future. In ISA’s name, amen. Please give me another chance, God. I need to be a child all over again. I need to be able to have new experiences I can actually learn from. I need the gift of language that was never given to me or developed within me. I need all of these things to be able to be a human being or a good soul. I know You saved me through the cross, but God, the nitty-gritty of being human is so difficult to fathom. So many things went wrong in how I was raised, and look at me now, fully reaping the consequences of this dire lack. I wish You would come back again, God. Please come back. 125. Lord, does this mean my glorified body will be that of a child? I wish it was so, so I can grow into a new adult. In Isaiah, You did say that a little child will lead them. I hope I retain some of my wisdom so I will not repeat the same mistakes. 126. Lord, it wouldn’t make sense at all that Norr Weston really appeared to me in that dream if You didn’t plan it to be soon. I don’t believe I’ll be 80 years old when You come back. Surely, it has to happen next year. Otherwise, why would You give the vision to me. Logically, if Norr Weston thought now was the best time to inform me, then maybe You really are coming back next year. 127. I am holding up pretty well despite realizing my life was over before it began, truly. Thanks God. 128. I need to believe in my own specialness again. God help me see that I am anointed, even as I am doubting the idea that I have a huge part to play in Your plans. 1. I gave money to the church when I was a child 2. Norr Weston dream 3. The dream where I had a stone in my pocket with a name and Jesus told me I was saved 4. Magic plant dream 5. Dream about rich man’s destiny in that cold doors nightmare 6. Angel of the night dream where I am truly seen for who I am—useless underwater and on land. 7. Allen Iverson dream 8. The fact that I rediscovered name meanings as important 9. The dead rising again in my dreams—Nanay Mela, Ma’am Sharon. Signs I am already living out the “dead in Christ will rise first” in Thessalonians. 10. For as the days of Noah were—comfort 11. Mike dream September 2022 12. Vico madness and wishlist 13. It’s supremely unfair that I have no normal dopamine but whenever I try to get dopamine I get mania. 14. March 9 psychotic episode that granted You a view of God’s mind 15. Jesus’ favorite green plant dream and exaggeration 16. Maybe the Allen Iverson dream means I won’t see graduation and neither will Vico see the end of his term 17. Rebecca (to tie/bind) Newberger (new town) Goldstein (gold stone). To bind to Cagayan de Oro? 18. Maybe Rebecca Goldstein is who the barren woman passages were addressed to. 1. I did say Jesus went through the worst humiliation…maybe her being known as modest has something to do with this. 2. I can’t believe God really created me to help save Rebecca!!!! She must be so important too!!! ``` 18. The wifi being restored today instead of the 3-5 days I was expecting. Sooner than I think, sooner than anyone thinks. 19. Proverbs 19:21 20. Aella being a near-miss candidate for the “conversion” 21. being yanked out of bed dream to send to Ma’am Marby my draft? 22. Salvation and Praise; 23. peace your governor and well-being your ruler. Peace is Jeffrey, Vico is well-being? ``` 135. Lord, You’ve given me just enough time to complete the TLS. I wonder what purpose that is truly for since now I know it’s not so useful. Or maybe it is and I just don’t know it. Maybe my purpose is to be shortlisted only, so that a certain member of a jury will read it and be changed. If so, I will be gladly content with that achievement, it’s an achievement, all right! 136. Lord, You know how empty I am right now. How many words I have left in me. Which is to say, not much anymore. I will not be able to survive the aftermath of Berggruen without being humiliated for the fraud that I am. Please, if it’s Your will, spare me this embarrassment. I will have to give interviews and some people will definitely go digging into my website. Please protect me even as it is all unfinished. Come to think of it, I think I will fail to truly write the ACCOIYO-BATANY essay. What is the point when You’ve come back already, right? I suppose that’s the angel in the night dream that I had, materialized the other day. I am looking forward to the day when I don’t have to be anything, be expected to do anything, but just be myself. Lord, I guess, I’m just looking for a way out of responsibility, which I know I never asked for, and I wish it was easier. I just wish it was 50% easier than it currently looks like to me. Everything is like pulling teeth that I’m so desperate for a way out, and I’ve become stagnant because I know everything will work out regardless if I fail or not. Lord, I just need a sign that it will work on Rebecca. Everything will be all right if she accepts my arguments even if I don’t win. That way, I will fulfill my mission and will no longer need to be humiliated to the world. I am afraid of winning, there I said it, because what if it ends up coming true? It’s not that I don’t want to win, but that I will be severely unprepared for what they think they’re getting with me. I know I will never be able to prepare adequately because first of all, my working memory is really shitty and my mind develops no schemas. I have almost no reaction to any input presented to me because things just don’t stay in my attention enough. I am so wholly unprepared God. Please, if You actually plan to make me win, please equip me to bear it all. I cannot be dumb or lack knowledge. I will need dopamine I never had. I suppose You coming back to fix my glorified body would be really convenient, and that’s why I’m so obsessed with You coming back, God. Because You are my only solution, the only one who can work a miracle for me so I can stand it all and be able to be Your spokesperson of the theories I have about You. I have no way to do that in my current state. Nobody will take me seriously. I guess what I’m trying to say, God, is that I really do hope You do come quickly, and sooner than I think. In ISA’s name, amen. 137. Lord, I don’t know what the state of my sister’s faith is. I truly hope she is raptured too. I couldn’t bear the thought of her suffering on Earth during the tribulation if ever that is true for the premillennialism to be right. In ISA’s name, amen. Hard to say about her almost fiance, because I don’t really know him, but I hope he is also saved. 138. Lord, it’s not that I’ve given up on my life, it’s that I would be really relieved. All I fear right now is that I will be betrayed, and it’s a very visceral fear. I know Vico and I will never be endgame now, and I’m trying to come to terms with that, but that’s the least of my problems now. I will have to answer for Berggruen if ever I win, and I just realized my brain is going to betray me, I can already feel it. I wish I wasn’t right, but I was right once about being afraid of something possessing me. Lord, I wish…no I don’t, not really. I wish I could be more useful instead of wishing that actual Jesus would fulfill his mission in my body as himself instead of me, because I can’t do it on my own. I have no memory anymore. I’ve nearly given up on my brain, so yes, I am kind of giving up for now. Your servant wasn’t very blessed in this area and I know I’m fucked in this area too, because of anti-epileptics and antipsychotics or both, and I know I can never get back to a state that is acceptable for the world to be considered sane or competent. I am so scared, God, and I have very little faith that I can do it. I just need Rebecca to see my TLS and maybe she will be converted and that’s your cue to come back again! God, please consider my case truly. I am so far from my goals and nothing I do will help much. I am about to give up truly. God, I hope You give me a sign tonight. Please, I cannot take this waiting anymore. I am so desperate for answers. I’ve run out of tears because I’ve cried them all already the last few days. Please, God, hear Your servant. In ISA’s name, amen. 139. Lord, I’m calling it in advance. Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord. Let me be the first to acknowledge that You are really coming back to save us all. In ISA’s name, amen. Please visit me in my dreams, God, to comfort me in this trying time. Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 140. I know better at this point not to wade into Nikki’s profile. Sorry, God. I’m such a loser but I’m Your loser. I wish I wasn’t such a loser, which is bound to come true anyway. 141. Lord, You know my heart. And I am so afraid. Not the point of panic yet, but I hope it doesn’t reach that yet. I will have to gather strength again. I need the encouragement so badly, God. Where can I find comfort but in You. Please definitively talk to me tonight. I cannot take being in the dark. I am just so afraid that what I’ve been doing has all been for naught and that nothing will happen after. I just need a sign, God. In ISA’s name, amen. 142. Lord, there must be a purpose to me realizing very recently that my working memory doesn’t work at all. It doesn’t work anymore. I can only grasp and grasp at what is happening in front of me and it’s doubtful that I’ll encode what’s happening. I am so afraid God that I will need assistance for the rest of my life. Please, God, save me and my brain from ruin. In ISA’s name, amen. 143. Lord, somehow with all the rapture dreams people are having, I doubt that the world will finally believe You when they have that dream about me specifically. They will really doubt or maybe not. It’s 50/50 to me now. Lord, please don’t leave me in this state of confusion. I need answers so I can know how to best prepare for when You come back, besides preparing TLS of course, which I will try to do tomorrow. I am so worried God that You’ve abandoned me and are now thinking about arriving only 1000 years from now, or maybe 100 years from now. 144. Lord, if You didn’t want me to feel hopeless, why would You give me the angel of the night dream? Logic tells me that You will save me anyhow from my destruction. I need not worry, but God, I am still slightly anxious about it all. 145. Lord, You did not bless me with dopamine. I know that. But how can I do Your work if I don’t have stable dopamine? I fear I have sapped my brain already. If I am to do work and graduate hopefully, I need dopamine, God. I need motivation. I need pleasure, most of all. I need all of these things and You know it. Please, God, I am asking You to please grant me Your abundance if ever it is Your will for me to miraculously pull through this challenging time. I need my wits about me and I feel like I am at my weakest today. I will not be able to have a brain if I don’t have working memory and if my pseudo-ADHD keeps me limited. Please, God, grant me abundance in this area of my life because I can never be that person again unless I have that. No amount of work on my part is going to work, I believe this now, if You don’t will it. Please God, I want to be happier too. Please don’t keep me in the dark out of Your plans if ever Your will for me is misery before You come back. I feel I am not up to the task of setting up my essays, and how will I explain the bulk of them anyway? Lord, if You didn’t give me Salvation and Praise, I have those as my anchors now, but if You didn’t reveal to me those things, I would have no faith at all. I’m sorry, and I’m really sorry for doubting. I believe Jesus rose from the dead, but it gets really hard sometimes to have faith when I have all these weaknesses in my mind and body. Please God, strengthen my faith by giving me good progress at least, towards fixing everything if that is Your will. But please God, will for me to get better in mind and body. I cannot stare helplessly at my brain for what it can no longer do, or what it was never capable of doing in the first place. I am at a true loss, God. Please hear Your servant. In ISA’s name, amen. 146. Lord, it’s still July 24, and I pray that you let me dream about Daniel and his vision of the abomination of desolation, which, if I’m right, is about me still. Am I really the second temple? What will happen to the third temple? Will I have to physically die? Jesus’ words in Matthew 24 made me think of March 9 and March 9 is definitely in the middle of November 2025-August 2026. Maybe this is real, indeed. 1. Lord, am I supposed to be “many” here in Daniel 9 2. Is 2019-2026 supposed to be the main seven years? What a coincidence, because my ordeal began on January 6, 2019. Maybe something great will happen by January 2027. 3. Lord, thank You for Your wisdom. I accept that I may die physically, but please make it painless and quick. Or that I don’t have to die at all, would be great! In ISA’s name, amen. 4. Lord, I need wisdom whether or not I should buy a full subscription on Obsidian for a whole year and put my parents’ money in jeopardy again. I am willing to do Your will, but I am uncomfortable that I will disobey my dad again and disappoint him again. In ISA’s name, amen. I may die before August is up, and please give me a sign if I will die so I can prepare. I will not be able to release [gailyap.blog](http://gailyap.blog) continuously if I die and decide to only go by monthly payments. Or You could easily provide the money to me miraculously. 147. July 25, 2026: Lord, You have not really answered me clearly. I wish I had another Norr Weston vision. Please, God. I miss You. I’m sorry if it was anything on my end that makes it hard for You to communicate to me. I did my exercise today. And Thinking Gym. 148. Lord, I pray for a miracle with my disabilities. Please grant me my very own **Ephphatha miracle. Lord, I would be so grateful for the assistance and help. Thank You in advance for Your abundance. In ISA’s name, amen.** 149. Lord, if You aren’t directly talking to me anymore, please give me a signal at least after I send off TLS to Berggruen. Please, God. I need a sign that You are approving of my project. In ISA’s name, amen. 150. Lord, will I be raptured after I send off TLS? I want that so badly! MARANATHA!!!! My Anne Escolano dream makes me think this. 151. Lord, have You given me personal authority to set the date of the rapture? If so, I would like it to be after I get the $50,000 so I can buy the yearly subscription for Obsidian. Maybe around April? That would be great. 152. God, I’m so thankful I’m grounded and sane now. Thank You for grounding me. Only, I need motivation and sustenance. I need my working memory. God, thank You in advance for providing me with much-needed help. In ISA’s name, amen. 153. Lord, I still can’t get over Salvation and Praise. Jesus and Judas! What could it mean, really? Coexistence. It’s the key. 154. Am I supposed to be the Antichrist, God? Please speak to me about this. Norr Weston vision seems a bit too Antichrist. I know I’m not the Antichrist because even Norr Weston acknowledges that Jesus is the Savior. So where have I been written about, God? Was I an unplanned saint of sorts? What truly is my role besides being Omega? I am not even sure about Omega, because I don’t have grand powers. Please, God. I need to see the truth of what I am, exactly. I am so empty these days. In ISA’s name, amen. 1. Lord, am I the Katechon? Will I die before I see the rapture? Lord, I don’t want to die, but if it is Your will, I will try to be good as I die. I don’t want to commit suicide either. 155. Lord, why Transformers linked to Heaven? Is this about Bumblebee? BOBOBEE? “You’ll see.” If so, I claim that promise. That I’ll really see myself the end of the age. 156. Lord, does this mean I’m always going to be less accountable? I couldn’t help what happened to me. I really am not neurotypical. I was forced into piano for many years. I have no social skills. I am not normal. I will never be normal like how normal people are. But I am a Christian. I try to serve God with what I have. I am trying to be less lazy. 157. Lord, I feel like my life is really done after I send off TLS. It would be a good time to come back. Heck, I don’t care about the reward. If TLS can stand on its own, then I’ll be really glad too. In ISA’s name, amen. MARANATHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 158. I feel like the Antichrist has already been revealed to me anyway. In Norr Weston. It has been a secret revelation. 1. Angel of the night? “Groomed to be a Savior, he is not all that” sounds antichrist-like because it suggests Jesus was only groomed and not an actual Savior? 159. Lord, today’s the first inkling that I’m going to lose Berggruen. I think it’s because of the preview only. I don’t know how to fix it. I’m leaving it as is so that it’s comprehensible. I think I would be fine if I lose as long as You come back regardless soon enough. My only real job I think is to make Rebecca read it. If that is actually Your will. Lord, only You can change people’s hearts and make me win. I actually thought I would win in the last few weeks, but now I’m not so sure. I wish to win because hey, it’s free publicity for Jesus and it wouldn’t hurt to get a chance to be noticed by Vico too. But really, I think I’ll be fine if I don’t win. At least I know God is coming back in this lifetime. You wouldn’t leave me behind to die, right? 160. Lord, if it is Your will, enlighten me about time, times, and half a time and the parallel to Hagar in Revelation. In ISA’s name, amen. 1. Why I think it’s relevant to me: ISA for Muslims’ Jesus and Hagar parallel, me naming God, me as the woman and being protected for time, times, and half a time within 5 months from March 9. 2. “the rest of her offspring” like all the other Christians in the world are my offspring because I am the desolate woman who has more children than the married woman in Isaiah? 3. Now the gap between Revelation 12 and 13 makes me think that I will be raptured before the tribulation of the antichrist? Or maybe not. It did say that those whose names are written in the Lamb’s book while the Antichrist rules for 42 months will be saved. 4. I really need to know how this is going to shake out, God. Please give me a dream about how I’m going to lead into the revelation of the Antichrist. Will we be of the same generation? Will You allow me to rise in power for my theories first? I don’t really know how it’s going to work out. In ISA’s name, amen. 161. July 27, 2026: Lord, what is the reason for Your apparent silence? I guess the Anne Escolano dream was a message, but I need something more obvious and external. This is not me being discontent, but persistent like the woman in the Bible who said something about crumbs for dogs. I miss the time when Norr Weston seemingly told me “What are you doing in Shekinah? You’re already the post-colonial wife.” I don’t know what that means, exactly, but I miss it. What could be going on up there that the transmission isn’t as strong? Is it because I was manic at the time? I surely hope not. I don’t want to be manic again. 162. Lord, please let Judy Ick respond to me. In ISA’s name, amen. 163. Lord, I need more wisdom. If You really provided exact days like seventy weeks, wouldn’t they be useless if they didn’t at least land on precise dates? What is the purpose of these numbers if You didn’t want us to expect You to do something by then? I need a sign, God, that You are going to do something soon. In ISA’s name, amen. 164. Lord, becoming multi-planetary would present a complication to Your plans. I don’t think You’d come back after that. Maybe this era really is going to be the Second Coming. 165. Lord, I’m really empty nowadays. I have no working memory capacity anymore. I need You to come back and save me from my ruin. I don’t know how long I can take it. Please come back after August 16, God. 166. Lord, please come back after August 17. I can’t wait anymore. I really am tempted to just give up on my thesis now because I really don’t want to be a freeloader, but I know my capacity isn’t just up to it anymore. Come back, God!!! MARANATHA!!! 167. Lord, how am I supposed to live with the fact that You really did give me the key—names—and me being so thoroughly ill-equipped to handle it? How am I going to deliver Your message to the world? If You really wanted me to be the harbinger of the Second Coming, You wouldn’t have allowed me to become so dumb. I realize I can work on it, but Lord, it’s so hard and effortful. How am I going to work on it when seemingly nothing is working? That all my efforts are useless. That’s why I believe You will really relieve me of my duties. I don’t know what the purpose of Obsidian comments pushing through means, but Lord, You’ve given me seemingly nothing in the brains area anymore especially now deep in my depression. If the truth will come out of me, there has to be more to it other than Berggruen. Something has to happen to the world where I am changed fundamentally because I cannot change my past anymore. So many failures happened and it is beyond my control now. I am at the mercy of my brain, God. Please help me be patient, God. I am always looking forward to sleeping because I can no longer stand being alive. 168. My angel in the night dream actually makes sense a lot. The fake angels were proven false. I was a useless mermaid so that doesn’t make me an accessory to any crime. God, please let this be true. Come save me before I am exposed as a fraud, God! 169. Lord, am I really the “many” in the “confirm a covenant with many” in Daniel? Please let this be so. 170. Lord, if it is really Your will for me to fully develop my framework for the End Times, then please, empower me now. Please do something to physically and structurally change the way I work so my brain works like a neurotypical’s brain. I need a miracle, God, and You know my desperation to its depths. There is no arrangement of words anymore that I can make to make You listen to me, Your servant. Jesus, please. I need Your utmost power to work through me so I can be empowered to work out Your will. I have nothing and I am emptied of all my power, God. I surrender, and nothing I do will be able to solve my problems even if I try for a thousand years. God, please do something about my brain! In ISA’s name, amen. 171. Lord, if the restrainer is the Holy Spirit, then my angel of the night dream makes sense because I said Holy Spirit is the Supreme Angel. 172. Lord, I’m already living as if it’s really going to happen in 3 weeks or so. Please let me be right. You would need to transform me if You plan to keep me around longer. I am so desperate for a miracle, God, and You know it. I cannot do anything anymore about my shitty brain. I think I’m partly the restrainer at this point. I wouldn’t know for sure, and please give me dreams that I am if I’m right. In ISA’s name, amen. 173. What does the Transformers and Heaven dream mean, God? Does that mean it’s going to come true quicker? 174. Lord, did You really choose me to write TLS only? What else did You set me up for? I need to be able to know what I’m up against, God. I need to prepare. How can I grow my trust in You, God? I am so full of doubt and fear. I wish everything would end already. I am so impatient, most of all. It’s July 27 only and I’m already atat for the things You promised. How can I believe I’m special? 1. Norr Weston dream. Groomed to be a Savior. He is not all that. 2. “You’re already the post-colonial wife. What are you doing in Shekinah?” 3. Name meanings especially Jesus and Judas and Salvation and Praise. 4. Berggruen really aligning with my interests. 5. Angel in the night dream. 6. That wolf-man dream. 7. I was pulled by the hair to submit my TLS to Ma’am Marby. 8. The kneel dream. 9. Being led to discover that there are 12 Chosen Ones as said in Revelation. 10. Wolfgang and werewolf werewolf werewolf 11. Wolves in Isaiah 12. Discovering the ontological change in Isaiah that must take place for paradise to happen. 13. Stadius actum dream dreaming in Latin 14. Anita Love dream leading me to discover John as the beloved disciple. 15. Discovering the Woman and the Dragon has something to do with Hagar and naming God too. 16. The desolate woman verses in Isaiah 17. Islands as in Philippines in Isaiah 18. Landing on the Chosen One construct again and again because of Sydney and Jesus and eventually TLS 19. All these signs and wonders I’ve yet to recall bespeak to an overall miracle that I was able to pull through 20. March 9 incident parallel with Isaac 21. Being raised in Nazareth and realizing my mom’s name is Myra or Mary and my Guadalope 22. Who is going to believe me though? God, a real miracle must happen with Berggruen for me to rise somehow if that is Your overall will for me besides convincing Rebecca Goldstein to convert to Christianity. 23. Magic plant dream with Jesus’ favorite being the green plant and the hyperexaggeration of snub nose Sydney. 24. The Holy Spirit in my voice asking God to make me discern what is my mission. 175. Lord, I need to know who I am truly. All this time I’ve been led by my own feelings seemingly. I am willing to give up the idea that I am Omega if it means I will be on Your good side. I may not be Christ, and being born in Nazareth means I am just a saint. But Lord, I cannot take this uncertainty. What is my true role besides Berggruen? Why is it so important that I submit Berggruen? Why did You lead me through March 9 and came up with the story in April? God, I need sure answers that are not just about Berggruen. I need to understand my full role in this otherwise I’m left in the dark about what to do. I know my ability to integrate right now is not that great, and maybe that’s why I’m not dreaming coherently as much, but Lord, if I really am just a useless mermaid, who is the Angel in the night? When will Jesus Christ rescue us all? When will it happen, God? I need an answer to that too. I cannot simply wait around. I need to know. Please answer me God, tonight. If not, I will try to trust in Your will for now. But Lord, it would do me really good to be reassured that You haven’t abandoned me. I feel so alone and lonely. I don’t know what to do about my brain right now and I don’t feel all that confident anymore about Berggruen. I need a reason to keep going, God. I’ve been feeling so discouraged the past couple of weeks. Please hear me. In ISA’s name, amen. 176. Lord ACCOIYO, I am pleading with You to hear me. Please, I need You right now. I am so terrified. Please visit me in my dreams and give me anything. In ISA’s name, amen. 177. Lord ACCOIYO, I need more intel about the 12 Chosen Ones. I don’t know how to move without Your guidance. If You really willed for me to develop Them as They are, I need to know if I’m going in the right direction. Keep in mind my memory deficit. In ISA’s name, amen. 178. July 28, 2026: Lord ACCOIYO, I am so ready for the angel of the night to come. I don’t know if she’s the Antichrist or Jesus Themselves, that’s what I’m unsure of. Is Jesus going to come back as a woman? Is the Holy Spirit the one to come in his stead? I need more intel, God. In ISA’s name, amen. 179. Lord ACCOIYO, I need to know why Vena dreamed of the marriage supper of the lamb and the tree door. Does that have anything to do with me? What is the tree door, God? What’s behind it? What could possibly await? Does this have anything to do with the trees near the river in Revelation? 180. Lord, am I supposed to help the Antichrist? What really is the Antichrist? Is the angel in the night the Antichrist? I have so many questions, God. 181. Lord, it would be really nice if You talked to me in real life. I can’t say I won’t panic, but it would really do me good, I think. I wish an angel talked to me. I am so lonely and I don’t know what to do. Please heal my deficiencies in my brain, God. I need a miracle. In ISA’s name, amen. I will never stop praying for a miracle in this regard, God. I will have to be persistent. 182. Lord, why are You giving me Jennifer Connelly dreams about Vico? Am I supposed to be Jennifer Connelly or Sheloah? I already accept my loss to Nikki. Why are You seemingly rubbing it in? I know this dream may not be from You, but Lord, I just wish it was me. I need an actual physical miracle to fix my body and brain at that rate, God. Please, if it is Your will, make a way God, because You are waymaker and miracle worker, and nothing is impossible with You. The world could end tomorrow, and what will become of me? I already gave up Vico, so now why am I dreaming of him and his love interests? Am I supposed to be in a relationship with him of some sort in the future? Lord, with my brain and body right now, it looks absolutely impossible. I am a non-person right now, I don’t even have a good working memory to be an adult. How will I even dream of becoming wedded to Vico? Why are You seemingly torturing me? Lord, I hope You have better plans for me in this regard. In ISA’s name, amen. 183. Lord, is Vena’s dream supposed to relate to me? The demonic costumes coinciding with “Blank” story. 184. Lord, I feel so powerless. I can do nothing with my history’s lack of anything meaningful. Come to think of it, my sins have mostly been private in relation to envy and pride only. I have very little relational sin unless You count me swiping the drawing in grade 1 and lying about Along. And somehow, making my classmates feel bad about not being in the honor roll in high school. And treating Michael Moreno badly. I know I’m sinful, but I know I am almost innocent too. None of my life would have happened had I been born normal. I couldn’t do anything about my life turning out the way it has. How will I stand to reap Berggruen, God? If what You really told me about Gareth Powell and Chloe Gong is going to come true. Don’t let those just be dreams, God. I need a sign that You will do wonders with Berggruen. I need an opportunity and confidence. I need my words back. I need my brain, God. I can’t do anything anymore. I feel so powerless, again, and again I say it. I can do nearly nothing to improve my ways to make a dent in the lack of opportunity I’ve had all these years. God, I’m such a useless loser, and that angel in the night dream makes me think so too, as in, I affirm it. This is exactly why I need You God. Please come back just as “Blank” is published. 185. Lord, I’m so stoked for Your Second Coming!!! May my Isabella dream about it surface so I can see clearly what is about to happen. 186. Lord, I have a feeling something big is going to happen just as “Blank” is published. I cannot wait. I really believe You sent Vena that dream to communicate something to me. The rapture, perhaps, coinciding with the 10 month from November 1, 2025 when I first had werewolf werewolf werewolf? 187. Lord, I really feel that Vena’s dream is relevant to me. It’s the only one that gives me whiffs of stadius actum—she dreamt of verses she didn’t know—and it has something about Halloween. I feel You are really coming back soon, maybe in August 2026. I cannot wait, God!! People will really google who I am because I’d have been raptured by that point, that is, if Berggruen will really take seriously Christianity, if and only if the rapture occurs. God, this is it! There’s practically no way for me to win Berggruen if a great external event didn’t convict the jury to prioritize Christianity this time around. I won’t be around because I assume I will be raptured too, hope I don’t stick around for the Tribulation, but God, I’m so excited to be raptured. If what I think Your will is going to happen, that is, me winning Berggruen after the rapture, then it’s going to be amazing! Lord, please let this be the path!!!!! I cannot wait to be raptured!!!! I can’t believe I’m the first human to have an inkling about when it’s going to happen. The Woman and the Dragon makes me think an Islamic woman will be relevant, so it’s definitely Vena. I can’t believe it!!! 188. The timing of the angel of the night dream makes me think it’s going to happen sooner than I think, God! I really feel this is it!! I CANNOT WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!! 189. Lord, I just can’t fathom how all of these spiritual things are going to happen on our Earth, where practically nothing magical ever happens. Earth is such a small world, God. How will it happen that Your glory will be made manifest on Earth? If Your eternal kingdom is going to come down to Earth, I’m really interested in how You are going to manage everyone wanting to leave Earth eventually. Will there be eternal abundance on Earth? Will You completely make Earth into a new Eden such that we won’t need to leave this Earth? Will Heaven really be made manifest on this one planet? How can all of these things be, God? I am so confused and in awe. 190. My Isabella dream is a sign even if I don’t remember it. God, what is it that You wanted to tell me? Please enlighten me. I’m so sorry because my brain is so fickle. Please give me another dream tonight about Your Second Coming. In ISA’s name, amen. 191. Lord, what is the mission of the servant or Chosen One who will bring justice to the nations? What is their role in the Second Coming? Is it going to be Jesus? Of course it is. 192. My teacher Pat dream makes me think my riddle will be important, God! Maybe I will really win Berggruen. Otherwise, You’ll have a lot to answer to me next year regarding about why it’s been a fruitless task for me to go through all this trouble if I wouldn’t win in the end, after all. 193. I have a feeling that I’m supposed to be the servant, God, because blind and deaf means disability. But if I am to remain after You rapture Your people, how will I be empowered? I know I will have to depend on Ae without my family anymore, but how will it shake out? Am I meant to stay in the Tribulation period? I hope not. Lord God, You wouldn’t put all these ideas into my head without some divine purpose. You wouldn’t give me the September 2022 dream without knowing what You’re doing to me. All of the ideas You’ve given me so far makes me think I have an important role to play in the end times, God. I just wish it would come to pass sooner because I am still in the dark about my role. If You really chose me, and I sometimes doubt it and I’m sorry, if You really chose me to have a special role to play, wouldn’t I be overflowing with abundant wisdom about how to go about it? I am so clueless about everything still, God, although I know You are made perfect in my weaknesses. I need to trust in You more, I know, but how will I do it, God? Besides completing TLS. I have no long-term plan besides trying to write a book about it because the spotlight will be on me eventually if I am not raptured in August. I will need to usher in Your kingdom in some way by writing a book that will propound Your new ideas that You will declare as You said in Isaiah. How will I do all of that if I don’t have the capacity anymore? I truly need a real miracle, God! I cannot do it on my own. I need a physical divine manifestation of Your glory to empower me to become that person in the event that You really aren’t coming back yet and will leave me to develop my ideas mostly on my own. But I trust that You didn’t make a mistake with Salvation and Praise. Something about it is so tautological and logical, God. I hope there’s more to it that I’ve yet to discover. How am I going to teach people what it truly means if I don’t have the faintest clue about how name meanings really work, God? When mostly none of my dreams have really been world-changing yet? How will people believe me? How will they not doubt? Lord, I need more wisdom about how to go about it. In ISA’s name, amen. 194. Lord, if the time isn’t now or sooner than I think, then why have You led me to Salvation and Praise and Jesus and Judas? There must be more to it. Will I have to wait 50 years? I surely hope not. I wish You would come back sooner. Sooner than I think and anyone else. There must be a good reason why You picked me now. MARANATHA!!!! 195. Lord, You really have a lot to answer as to why You made all of the prophecies purposely confusing. People have a lot of interpretations and they debate all day. Will You take their beliefs into account? Who is right, God. If You will, please reveal to me what is the right view to take? Pre-trib and the others. I realize I know very little despite watching all of these videos about it. What will really happen, God? I need to know. 196. Lord, what does Brent have to do with Zion? Hills. I need to know more. 197. Surely, God, with Pax Silica going on, the moment is now to come back!! MARANATHA!!!!!!!!! 198. I also think that the Servant being the Holy Spirit makes sense. Who is the Angel of the Night, God? Will it be a transformed version of me? Please, God. I cannot take the anticipation. You did say something about Transformers in my dream the other day. What will truly happen, God? Will I be raptured and then brought back to Earth as a Servant who will assist Jesus after the Tribulation period? What is my definite role? Lord, I am so curious. 199. It really cannot come sooner. I wouldn’t have put two and two together had the Anita dream not happened. And Jesus really means “God saves” or salvation, while Judas means “praise.” Something about my Teacher Pat dream. Law for Jurilla linked to India Amarteifio. 200. Lord, if You really wanted me to know more about the eternal state with Salvation and Praise, wouldn’t I have visions of it by now? Wouldn’t an angel visit me right now? How am I supposed to put all of it together with my meager memory? I need an angel to dictate to me exactly what will happen, God. 201. Is the tree door supposed to be Praise, God? What is that? What is the purpose of it? I surely hope it’s not suicide. 202. Lord, I think Norr Weston and the Antichrist are related, although I’m not clear as to how. 203. Lord, You will have to explain to me how You will make people believe in me and my name theories. The fact that I’m from Nazareth, God. And my mom’s name is an anagram of Mary. Who is going to believe me? It seems really convenient. There would have to be a change of how things are supposed to be on Earth for people to believe in me. If I really do have a special role in the end times. 204. I’m fully accepting of my role as the pre-Second Coming, God. Only, what am I supposed to do besides Berggruen? I need more guidance on this. Please listen to me and please equip me to take in Your message fully, God. In ISA’s name, amen. 205. Lord, I know You don’t make mistakes. I am just so worried that I’ve been abandoned because I’ve been deemed unfit for service. The Angel in the night dream makes me think this. I don’t exactly know what the purpose of that dream was, but I really hope I still have it in me to work in the meantime. 206. I am nearly empty, God. Please come back for me. Do not let me suffer any longer in this body of death. I have no more working memory. How am I supposed to survive? 207. Lord, if people are going to be all up in my Obsidian someday, how will they take in March 9. I am so worried about it. What if people think I’m insane? Please spare me the humiliation if it is Your will. 208. Lord, You really didn’t equip me to make it this far. Now would be a good time to save me from my own incompetence. I really don’t want to have to write my thesis anymore. That’s really why I’m afraid. I am afraid of everything going to shit, God. I wish You would take my interests into account for once and not fool me with dreams only. I sometimes feel as if I’ve been misled, and that really gets to the heart of why I’m afraid. I know You only made me dream of Vico to accomplish TLS, but what’s in it for me? I know I’m supposed to do Your will no matter what, God, but I struggle to see how it’s going to benefit me, and I am a selfish person, God. If You really wanted me to reap some benefit, You would come back soon. And possibly fix me and my incompetence. Please, God. I cannot take this world any longer. This could be unwise, but I’m begging You God. I want to go home so badly already. I am so lonely and afraid. I am so impatient, most of all. Lord, please encourage me if You still have work for me to do on this Earth with my little time remaining before You come back. I wish You’d come back in August, but that’s only what I want. I don’t really know for sure what Your will is, but You’ve made me hyperfocus on the rapture these last few days so I feel like I’m going to be vindicated anyhow soon. Please forgive me if I’ve been presumptuous. I don’t want to displease You, God, but please hear out my cries and my needs. I am so empty and powerless to what I’m dealing with right now. I feel I have no energy left anymore. I am so tired already. Please listen to me, God. In ISA’s name, amen. 209. Lord, just going by mere logic alone, You wouldn’t have made me stumble into Chosen One through Sydney’s thesis if You didn’t want it to happen soon or now. So that must mean it’s happening really soon. I hope it’s not years. 210. God, You wouldn’t abandon me to wait forever right? I hope You come soon. You wouldn’t imply I’m useless and just leave me to deal with it alone, right? 211. Lord, please forgive me for my sins recently. I know I’ve been very lazy. I just can’t seem to work anymore and I’m so discouraged by my memory failures and non-person-ness. Please take pity on me, God. Forgive me because I repent of them. I’ll try to work tomorrow and finish TLS. Please help me change, God. If it is truly Your will for me to live through January next year, please get me ready for it. I will need Your protection and guidance and help so much Lord. In ISA’s name, amen. 212. Norr Weston, please talk to me again. I know You’re scary, but I need a sign from You. I really do. I wish You’d talk to me again. Was it something I did that made You stop talking to me! Please Jesus, can You ask Norr Weston to send me a clear booming vision again so I can remember it more clearly? I just need guidance. I don’t know what to trust anymore. Are You really going to be part of the Angel of the Night? Who is that? Am I supposed to identify Them? What is going to happen in the next few weeks? Please talk to me about it, please!!! In ISA’s name, amen. 213. Is the Angel of the Night Celia Frank? Hello Celia, please talk to me tonight. Please tell me anything about God’s Second Coming or the rapture? In ISA’s name, amen. 214. Lord, I know some of my ideas are wild. But how is Isaiah’s vision going to come true if we don’t find a way to marry You and Satan? ACCOIYO and BATANY right? And “the one who studies me” dream I had about Brittany. Is this why I had a dream about the enemy needing me? Are You actually amenable to this God? Or am I just kidding my pathetic self. I feel like a false prophet all of a sudden. But why did You send Hosea to marry Gomer? Who is the whore here, God? Is it Babylon? Do You actually want to destroy or do You want to peacefully coexist? How is any of this going to shake out God? I am so ignorant and don’t want to err. I just want clarity on this because maybe I could be wrong about everything. Please listen to me, God. In ISA’s name, amen. 215. Lord, how exactly are You going to use me to propound the theories You’ve given to me? Do You only need one human to know and then You’ll do the rest of the magic? At this rate, it’ll take 500 years for my ideas to land worldwide. I don’t think I can wait that long God. Maybe humans will become multi-planetary by that point and You’ll only have billionaires to save. 216. Lord, You really had a plan with Hagar and all naming You. Now it’s up to me. How exactly am I going to do all of that? When nobody else thinks like me and nobody could have noticed the parallel in Revelation about the woman sent to the wilderness to be protected? 217. Lord, are You embarrassed by how the world receives Christianity right now? Almost all of the end-times prophecy videos I’ve come across give me an ick feeling like how I see quackery. I’m so sorry for this God. It must be such a frustrating thing to have to deal with the world this way. I’m not even an atheist and yet I’m turned off by how some of these videos feel. They just feel unreliable to me. I don’t know why I have this feeling. Lord, please help me be a beacon of light to the world that the world actually wants to receive. I don’t know how it’s going to happen, but I surely hope it’s going to go well. 218. Lord, I’m just overall in doubt about my Trinity theories. Is it really as simple as Narrative/Discourse? Fantasy/Dreams, and Real World? I fear I’m incapable now of extending this into a full essay. I have truly lost all of my skills in that regard, I think. 219. Lord, why are You sending me dreams through Sam Gabronino? Does that mean Vico will pursue Shawntel or Nikki? I feel like it’s a strong possibility. It’s pretty funny how she dreamt of it. She must really like Vico too. 220. Lord, thank You for Your Lady Gaga dream last night. Thank You for listening to me. Please never stop talking to me. Norr Weston, Celia, Jesus, Andrew, Stella, Esther, Clotilde, Clovis, Annie, Peeta, Maryjo, Pedrito. Please talk to me. I need more guidance. I need to know where I fit in Your overall plans. You can’t keep me in the dark forever. I think it would be best if I am fully aware of what I’m getting into within reason. I mean, I would have never agreed to March 9 but I think that really had to happen. I hope nothing else that is bad happens. In ISA’s name, amen. 221. Nobody but the Father knows right? So it must mean that it’s a probability. Lord, I need You to tell me when exactly You are coming back so I can warn people. Yes, You heard me. I’m going to warn people too even if it’s embarrassing. Lord, please tell me the exact date if You really are coming back soon. Please listen to Your servant. I need to know and I cannot take not knowing. All of these voices I hear are so confusing. Please set the record straight. If I really am chosen to have a special role in all of Your plans, I cannot keep being in the dark. You have allowed so much confusion to result from all of the ambiguity, God. Please set it straight now. People need to prepare and something authoritative from me would definitely be ideal if I win Berggruen and people finally believe me. In ISA’s name, amen. 222. Maybe Norr Weston isn’t like me. If so, please enlighten me who You are, Norr Weston. I need to know why You chose Lady Gaga because she looks like me. It’s confusing. 223. Lord, so the video just confirmed to me that the covenant must happen first with many, which I assume is me. That is my primary assumption. So the video I’m watching is talking to somebody named Stephanie, like Lady Gaga’s name. Lord, I just have one question, am I meant to instigate part of the deception? Please warn me if this is so. I just don’t like the fact that I’m tainted with something I had no say in. I don’t want to work in the way of the false prophet. But if that is what I’m really destined for, I’m really scared. I always hope I’m on the right side of history, God. But please, talk to me about my role more. Norr Weston, I need You to give me a booming vision again—maybe that was You screaming and me doing an impression of You. In that case, that’s clear, You are a sister of Jesus, the one playing on the keyboard? Or is the one on the keyboard the Antichrist? Maybe? 224. Lord, I fully do not believe that Satan is who You will marry, because that is the church, but somehow Satan will be transformed too into BATANY, so that only a little bit of the essence of Satan remains in God to keep God accountable and watchful over humanity? Surely, the opposite force must be retained because things must exist in pairs, I guess. 225. Lord, I’m just fully claiming that I’m the one who the covenant is referring to because that’s how important I am to this movement? I am Yee, the “many” or “surplus” right? If not, please correct me. You are making me think of these things, and I am only trying to put the pieces together. It doesn’t really matter if I feel special or not, but You did say in the video that Daniel 9:27 must happen before the rapture happens, which I think is very soon anyway. 226. So the restraining force is the Holy Spirit working through the church? 227. Have I been talking to the Antichrist all along, God? It certainly seems so from Stephanie’s account. “He is not all that” really seems Antichrist-like. So can I just go ahead and assume that the Antichrist really is the Sister? The Angel of the night who will bring peace? A woman this time? It seems really true that the man is like a Jesus figure and Lady Gaga is against him. 228. So from Stephanie’s testimony, it means I will not be around for the Antichrist soon. That’s a relief, God! Please confirm this to me tonight. In ISA’s name, amen. 229. Lord, so I take it to mean then that Rebecca Goldstein is a really important figure too, since her name is Rebecca and all, right? Please send me another dream about it if it’s true that she’s an important pawn too. Rebecca marries Isaac, and Holy Spirit, the servant, did say, “The Spirit and the bride say “Come”! So Rebecca must agree with TLS for events to be underway. 230. So the tribulation really began in November 1, 2025. Please confirm this to me, God. I wouldn’t have dreamt of the magic plant dream if this wasn’t important. Maybe the Lady Gaga dream is an exaggeration again, like so. Lady Gaga is meant to be “me” in that I’m the Antichrist? Or that in order for the Antichrist to be unveiled, I must be deceived to take the side of the woman this time? Or defend Lady Gaga because of what I think Jesus is, full of money and greed? Then Lady Gaga will complete my work so that the false peace can come? Or that the false peace is the man on the piano. And I will be on Jesus’ side and defend Jesus against this man. It truly is double-ended, God. I think I am on Jesus’ side still. Jesus is not to be found on any one side but maybe discernment calls for me to align Lady Gaga with whoever Jesus is going to be, because of course I will always be on Jesus’ side even if I will not be there to reap the benefits of defending my faith. I believe the Antichrist will present part of the solution and Lady Gaga as Jesus will complete it, I think. And I will have a defender role? And that Jesus will correct my impression of her/him? The coming ruler is Norr Weston? A woman? The man of sin will be Norr Weston? 231. Maybe Pax Silica has something to do with the peace treaty, God? Right? 232. Lord, can I just go ahead and assume that the Antichrist spirit really went through me on March 9 because I remember I declared myself as God. Which isn’t true. If so, that would make my body a temple? What does that mean, God? So the Holy Spirit has something to do with this? Wouldn’t They be right, though? Or that the Holy Spirit left my body for a while and allowed the Antichrist spirit to beset me? Is my body going to be the bride? That is exciting!!!! My consciousness? I mean, of course, I share it with other people too, but does that mean I’m chosen to be the temple You will rebuild? 233. Lord, so You’ll really confirm that pre-tribulation is the correct view? Is this true? Or that the ruler who confirms a covenant but breaks it already happened with my body? And that You really are coming all at once before and after the tribulation? 234. Lord, so You have impressed upon me the meaning of larabbim which is rooted in abundance. It means my last name!!! I am so blessed!! THANK YOU!!!! But what else can I do to really confirm this? 235. That video came just in time, God!! THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!! 236. Lord, if it is truly Your will indeed, please come back after I send off TLS on August 16!! 237. So the second heaven really is real? Is that why You presented me with celebrities last night, God? I am so excited for my dreams tonight. It means God is using souls or images of the Accoiyo-Batany of the important people or those deemed important or great by the world, which matters, actually. 238. Lord, please speedily influence Prof. Ick to sign my documents. I really need to please my parents in this regard because they have been waiting for so long for me to graduate. I also need my writing skills back. You did say in Isaiah that You will make the rough places smooth. In ISA’s name, amen. 239. Lord, I need You to root out the selfishness in me. I am still dreaming about Vico as if that is going to happen, a miracle to take place. But I know it’s not really for me. I understand why You had to inspire me to be in love with him for a while, but now I see that it’s for the best that I am not equipped to be his soulmate on Earth. In ISA’s name, amen. 240. Lord, why did I dream about the Sanhedrin? I have no knowledge about them. What is going to happen to them? Will You really listen to them? 241. Name meanings God! I need more wisdom and I pray for more wisdom. What am I supposed to do with all of these name meanings? Is it really as simple as Jesus selecting his disciples based on name meanings? What else do name meanings hold, especially for dreams? My dreams recently have been chaotic and I don’t know how to interpret them anymore. Please listen to me God, and give me clearer dreams. In ISA’s name, amen. 242. Lord, I’m having so much anxiety over what my role is eventually. You did reveal to me the importance of names and I don’t think anyone is as conscious of it on Earth as me. What truly is my role? Am I really the Omega because I was born in Nazareth too? Will You bring Philippines as the islands in Isaiah? What will happen to me in the future? Will I get raptured before You act on the world with my ideas? 243. Lord, why did You use Carlos to show me the badass piano music? What about it? I still don’t get it. There was an accompaniment that made it badass but then it really switched to badass playing eventually with octaves and all. And what does it mean to stand on firmer ground by using fire to destroy the blue and gold people? 244. Lord, I repent of my theorizing that humans did nothing wrong or are already perfect at the start. We are all fallen and that is why we need Your saving grace through Jesus. Please forgive me for thinking that. I don’t know what got into me to theorize that humans are perfect. In ISA’s name, amen. 245. Lord, so it’s really happening in August? Please confirm again. In ISA’s name, amen. 246. Lord, I wish I remembered my Isabella dream about the Second Coming. 247. Lord, I’m really sorry for suggesting that Jesus wasn’t born of a virgin. I just don’t find it believable. Please lead me to more wisdom as to whether that actually happened. In ISA’s name, amen. 248. Lord, AI just gave me a list of Antichrist names and I’ve come upon Zoe (Eve), Evan twice, Amy, Lena, and Ryan. Why the Johns? Why the Magdalene? Does this mean the Antichrist will have something gracious about them too? Am I really fulfilling the Antichrist spirit, God? Am I helping bring about the Antichrist? I don’t want to be on Your bad side, God. Adam too. Ethan, Aaron, Sara, Logan, Peter. All of these names are Biblical. Man has really failed, then, for 666. This is for the anti-Godhead, or the Satanhead. AI gave me 12 names so I think it’s synchronous. It’s also synchronous that they sort of do match the 12 Godhead in a photonegative way. 1. Zoe Quinn = Annie = Jezebel, Babylon the Great, Delilah, Athaliah, Herodias, Potiphar’s wife, Rebekah (deception) 2. Amy Baxter = Stella = Jezebel, Rachel (idolatry) 3. Lena Cross = Norr Weston = Jezebel, Miriam, Michal 4. Ryan Drake = Clotilde = Sapphira (conspiracy) I based her on Audrey so it stays, Naomi (bitterness) 5. Evan Brooks = Pedrito = Haman, Simon Magus 6. Adam Quill = Peeta = King Herod 7. Evan Noble = Clovis = Abraham (cowardice when lied about Sarah being his sister), Nabal 8. Sara Price = Esther = Rachel, Rebekah, Sarah 9. Aaron King = Marivic/Maryjo = King Herod 10. Ethan Nash = Andrew = Ananias = marginalized male who is evil or a billionaire too 11. Petra Heel = Celia Frank = Servant spirit like Hagar’s possible negative traits, Martha (chores) 12. Logan King = Jesus = The Judas spirit 13. Lord, if You didn’t intend to make it make sense in ASCII, You’ve got to wonder why there are a lot of Biblical names when interpreted this way. Why they had to add up to 666 the lot of them. What is the purpose of this? Am I meant to associate Satan with Man? You did say Satan is the prince of this world. 14. Lord, so is this Vance City? Satan’s or the Antichrist names are so American. What am I supposed to do with them? Are these the rubies? “So American.” 249. Lord, I really hope You are serious about an August rapture. I can’t take being alive anymore. I’m so excited to be free and in Your arms. 250. Lord, I’m so excited to fly!!! I’m getting a lot of flying dreams. 251. Lord, what are people going to invent with rubies or my Godhead-Satanhead? 252. Lord, I really feel that You are coming back in August. It’s the only way my ideas are ever getting out and be developed, is if I get raptured. Or that Berggruen will continue business as usual after the rapture and announce a winner (me) and they’re surely going to dig up my non-functional website by then and contact whoever has my laptop. I’m already preparing so hard to be raptured, God. I’d be really disappointed if You don’t come back in August. 253. Lord, You really set me up to feel useless, so if You aren’t coming back in August, then You’ll have a lot to answer to me. Please, God. I can feel Your urgency, but please honor this vision in my head. I don’t really care about You failing to bring Vico and I together, because I know now that’s not Your will, but Lord, if it is Your will for the rapture to happen soon in August, then please God, do not make me wait any longer! In ISA’s name, amen. 254. AZRAEL can be formed from the initials of the Satanhead, while JES can be seen in the Godhead’s initials. I don’t know what that’s for yet. 255. Lord, does that mean my last trauma will really be exposed naked (as in, my dildos?)? When they’re going to dig through my belongings. LOL. 256. Lord, true to TLS, I will really have to disappear from the Earth young for the events to unfold, for a biography to be written about me, and all of that. Lord, I cannot wait!! 257. I notice I’m becoming more lucid in my dreams, God, where I’m able to ruminate more. Is there a purpose to this? 258. Lord, I can now see some sense in not telling people the exact day. Like me for instance, just absolutely giving up on my own personal life because I already accept that I’m done, that life is over indeed. I’m just floating right now in an endless expanse of waiting in the waiting room. 259. Lord, it’s not that I don’t want to fellowship in the prayer meeting, I do, but I just don’t like being around pastor Ken. That’s it. I know why. He’s not evil. He just makes me uncomfortable. I am willing to swallow my discomfort if it means doing Your will and obeying my mom, though. 260. Lord, I don’t know but now would be a really good time to come back in August. I just think that the makeup of the people in 2050, for example, would be totally different and maybe made up of more evil people. Or that You will thoroughly fail those who You gave the urgent dreams to in this year, for example. 261. God, I pray for all of the people who are asleep. They are not treating You urgently. They are imperiled by their very apathy. Yes, God, I’m praying for Jeffrey Koon. I don’t know why but something in my heart would still be sad if he was to suffer, since I know his suffering enough. But I know Your will will prevail over his life and if that means he will be in the tribulation period and accept You as Lord and Savior, then good for him. In ISA’s name, amen. 262. July 31, 2026: Lord, I accept that the only way I will win Berggruen is if You rapture me after I send it. Please do so speedily!! I am not afraid, that was just something that fell out of my mouth as a generic way to talk. Sorry. 263. Lord, thank You for creating Vico. Even if he isn’t mine, thank You still for creating him. 264. Lord, I really don’t want to be spreading falsehoods. I don’t know how the world is going to take all of my theories and run with it. I am especially not sure about the rape equations and the angel theories. I am so ignorant and I don’t know anything. I hope people know what to do with them. 265. Lord, I’m so lost. If Revelation has all of this apocalyptic imagery, where do I fit in? Where does a female prophet or messiah figure fit in? Where am I supposed to be in all of this? I am so confused, God. Please send me a dream tonight regarding my role. In ISA’s name, amen. 266. Lord, please don’t leave me hanging. I need You to talk to me regarding my role in all of this. I need another booming vision I won’t forget. Why did You talk to me through Norr Weston if You didn’t intend to talk to me again? Maybe You will talk to me only after I send TLS on August 16. Please God, I cannot go on like this being in silence. I know I dreamt of the Sanhedrin, but I’m at a total loss as to how to interpret it. I completely forgot the dream. I just know I dreamt of Sanhedrin. Please, God, listen to me and hear me out. In ISA’s name, amen. 267. Lord, if it is Your will, please reveal to me the characteristics of the Antichrist? Or what am I supposed to do with the Satanhead? I am so confused, God. I am not well-read about what the Bible says about the Antichrist yet. In ISA’s name, amen. 268. Lord, now I’ve got Hephzibah, Hezekiah, Beulah, and Manasseh. (Isaiah 62) 269. Agnes, Niven, Jerome, Olga, Helga, Sancho = holy people 270. Goel = redeemer 271. City No Longer Deserted, Sough After, Redeemed of the LORD, holy people (Isaiah 62) 272. City of Righteousness, Faithful City (Isaiah 1) 273. Zadkiel (God is my righteousness), Jung, Zadok (righteous), Juste, Kimi, Rashida, Adila, Takiyah, Hadiya 274. Ephraim and Manasseh feeding on each other, turning against Judah. 275. El Gibbor (mighty God), Gabriel 276. Gates of the new city in Ezekiel 48: Shekinah? The LORD is There? 277. Hermona (Sacred Mountain/Holy Mountain) Zechariah 8 Caleb City (Faithful City) 278. Revelation 19:11 rider named Faithful and True. Rider named Caleb and Vera (Verus) 279. Kerioth means City/Town 280. Surely, God, there must be more to the Salvation and Praise in Isaiah 60:18. Please enlighten me. In ISA’s name, amen. 281. Iscariot = City/Building Christ = Chosen One/Anointed One = added up = Chosen Building/City 1. Shekinah? 2. There also has to be a reason why it’s Shekinah, the building or city. Shekinah Glory. A school. 3. Silver = SGCA. Gold = Oro Christian? 4. Silver linings on tree door of Vena’s vision? Rapture dream. 5. Silver linings on Praise Gate. The 2nd place gate. The Judas gate. 1st place is walls of Jesus Christ. 6. Chosen City = Cagayan de Oro? 282. Ezekiel 48. Gates in the north (143—I love you) is Reuben (see, a son), Judah “praised”, Levi (Judah originally Ruben from TLS, Judah praise, and Levi/Rebecca), east (11/1-12/2-5/1)is Joseph (”God will increase” Jose from TLS), Benjamin (son of the south—TLS), Dan (judged), south (2/2-9/5-10/6) is Simeon (he has heard), Issachar (there is reward/recompense), Zebulun (dwelling/exalted/honored dwelling place), west (1/7-2/8-2/6) is Gad (fortune/luck), Asher (happy/blessed/fortunate), Naphtali (my struggle/my strife/my wrestling). 283. Ezekiel means “God strengthens” 284. Lord, Ezekiel 48 makes me think of my TLS gamble. Please confirm if this is speaking about me. In ISA’s name, amen. Decoded: See, a son praised and attached, God will increase son of the south and judge them as such, He has heard so there will be a reward and honored dwelling place, doubly lucky in your struggle. The name of the city will be Shekinah? Meaning the Lord will dwell in my draft? OMG!!!!! MOTIVATION!!!! 285. North - 143/6-13-9/6-9-5 286. East = 121/11-12-5/11-8-1 287. South = 144/2-9-10/2-5-6 288. West = 122/7-8-6/7-4-3 289. East-West = -1/4/4/-1 or West-East = 1/-4/-4/1 290. North-South = -1/-5/-7 or -1/-1/-3 291. South-North = 1/5/7 or 1/1/3 = 44 292. Assume South is 144 so what is North? 293. Adding North and South = 8/22/19 and 8/14/11 294. Adding North to itself = 12/22/14 295. Adding South to itself = 4/14/16 296. Adding Double North and Double South = 16/36/30 297. Adding North and South twice = 16/36/30 298. Why subtract twice? Because North and South have two = 16-36 and 30-36 = 20 and 6 = 26 299. Adding East and West = 18/20/11 300. Coincidence that 143 and 144 are English courses and 121 and 122 are Comparative Literature courses at UPD? OMG!! 301. Ezekiel 48 interpretations: 1. Asher-Dan (fortunate judged) 2. Naphtali-Asher (My struggle fortunate/blessed) 3. Manasseh-Naphtali (I forget my struggle) 4. Ephraim-Manasseh (Doubly fruitful forgetting) 5. Reuben-Ephraim (A son doubly fruitful) 6. Judah-Reuben (praise the son) 7. Judah—special gift 8. special portion to the LORD/priests(Zadokites—righteous, just, vindicated)—territory of the Levites (”joined/attached/united”) (to tie/bind—Rebecca same meaning) 9. Benjamin (son of the south) 10. Simeon-Benjamin (God has heard son of the South) 11. Issachar-Simeon (There is a reward, he has heard) 12. Zebulun-Issachar (honored dwelling place, there is a reward) 13. Gad-Zebulun (Fortune/lucky honored dwelling place) 14. Gad-Tamar-Meribah Kadesh + Wadi/Mediterranean Sea (fortune/lucky palm tree (coconut palm tree from Southeast Asia)/date palm (Middle East/North Africa)/strife/quarreling/contention/holy sacred sanctuary/valley/river/riverbed/middle of the Earth/between lands (equator? PHILIPPINES) 15. Yahweh-Shammah-The LORD is There/Desolation/Astonishment 16. Daaca? I know a Shammah and her last name is Daaca? 17. Dahaca meaning always 18. Desolation as in Isaiah 54 19. Isaiah 62—Hephzibah and Beulah (”my delight is in her” and “married”) from Desolate and Deserted 20. Ezekiel’s unnamed wife used as a symbol in her death “delight of your eyes” 1. Ezekiel and Hezekiah rhyming sort of 2. Hephzibah is Hezekiah’s wife 302. Revelation 3 Laodicea means something for me since it’s rule of the people/justice of the people/Nicole “victory of the people” 1. Sardis - red jewel/carnelian/prince of joy 2. I’m guessing Philadelphia is for Vico? 303. Maybe I dreamed of the Sanhedrin because God wanted me to examine Ezekiel!!!! THANK YOU GOD!!!!! 304. Looks like God really answered my prayer today even before I slept!!! I asked what Sanhedrin meant and now he answered with Ezekiel 48 and the Third Temple!!!! 305. August 2: Lord, I believe wholeheartedly that You died and rose again, but I still sometimes have this doubt creeping inside my mind. Please set me free from my disbelief. It’s just that I’m really a skeptic like Thomas was, and even though You have been so good to me (my Obsidian website, among others), I still have this remaining doubt, what if it’s all just fiction? Please help me develop stronger faith, God. I know every believer struggles with doubt too, and this wouldn’t be the first time. I can’t believe I still doubt. It’s because my dreams haven’t really been amazing recently, except for Sanhedrin, which is already amazing in itself, too bad I forgot everything about it. In ISA’s name, amen. 306. Lord, I am so scared of being left behind. I know I shouldn’t be scared because I’ve repented of my sin and have total faith in Your saving grace on the cross. I repent of all of my sins recently God, and also my past sins, in case I haven’t formally done so. In ISA’s name, amen. 307. Lord, am I like Abraham in that I foreshadow Christ’s return with his stalled sacrifice of Isaac and Jesus’ sacrifice? Is my Berggruen win going to be a harbinger of something great? If so, please make it quicker, God. I would rather celebrate in Heaven rather than on Earth. Abraham does mean Father of a multitude, and it’s his destiny. 1. I wonder what parallels my future is going to have with the glorified Jesus!!!! 2. The satisfaction wouldn’t hit as hard if I wasn’t me, because all my life has been set up so that I have this bottomless need for validation? 308. Lord, the name meanings in my dreams don’t quite make sense for now. I don’t know why this is. Is there an explanation as to why these specific people are appearing in my dreams? 309. Lord, I fervently pray for a rapture dream. Please give me one if You plan to make me see what’s in store. I need to prepare, God! In ISA’s name, amen. 310. Lord, I am so worried about being a deceiver. Is that why You haven’t really appeared in my dreams recently? I do not want to be deceived about Norr Weston, but I really feel that I have an important role, not as a false prophet, but as a prototype for what You’re about to do for the world. Please enlighten me if I am deceived, God. I don’t want to be a progenitor of false ideas about You. IN ISA’s NAME, AMEN. 311. Lord, my thesis work exited all by itself yesterday or today and I had to reopen them. Is this a sign that You are really coming back soon? 312. Lord, my love for Vico has definitely grown colder the last few weeks. Is this a sign too? 313. If I’m related to the Father-Mother because of “father’s joy,” does the promise that I would know when it’s coming apply to me too, God? Hopefully yes. Please give me insight into when it’s happening, God. In ISA’s name, amen. I don’t know if I have a right to know, but it is my thing, God. You’ve revealed to me a lot of things over the past few months, and I feel this one is my reward for completing TLS? 314. Lord, I’d be really shocked if it happened on August 18, 18 years after I got my period. It’ll be great!!! 315. Lord, just this once, please give me what I really want. Not even Vico, but the rapture!!! 316. Lord, Audrey was literally born on May 14, 1984, the opposite of when Israel was reborn as a nation on May 14, 1948!!! 317. Lord, even if I win Berggruen, nobody in the Vatican is going to buy Father-Mother, so You really have to make me important in other ways, and by other ways I mean, You really do have to rapture me sooner before I am set to win. Lord, please listen to me if You haven’t already made up Your mind. I am already ready for my entire content to be excavated, and You did kind of promise me that my last trauma would be to be naked, IIRC. Please, God, I cannot wait!!! IN ISA’S NAME, AMEN. 318. Lord, if You aren’t coming back on August 18, I’d accept right around the time they announce me as a loser in Berggruen. Well, they wouldn’t announce me as a loser, but if I don’t win, and maybe Your faith really was misplaced in humans by that point, then You’d better rapture me and the other true Christians! 319. Okay, Lord, now I’m really not sure about my other 9 chosen ones. If They have never been acknowledged, and if I really am the first person to “discover” Them, then why aren’t They talking to me? What would be the purpose of including Them in the Godhead? What are They supposed to bring for humanity besides Jesus? Besides having someone in the Godhead to relate to, which is Their main purpose for now, because I understood that not all people can relate to Jesus or the Holy Spirit or even the Father-Mother. God, if You really intend for me to continue developing Them until You rapture me, please give me the go-signal or say something about it, because I think I’ve just been imposing my own ideas onto Your glory and I don’t want to do that if that isn’t part of Your will. In ISA’s name, amen. 320. Lord, I’m sorry for failing to work on TLS today. I couldn’t muster the energy to do so. I’m slightly scared of the work, and I don’t know why, since it’s much easier now. I will try again tomorrow. Please help me have more discipline. In ISA’s name, amen. 321. Maybe that cannon launcher dream was a preview of what I’d experience going up in the sky to somewhere unknown? 322. Lord, is Your will really to die for Satan too? Did all of humanity suffer also because of Satan’s bloodthirst? Is this why I was told the “enemy needs me.” Will I really need to die spiritually again? Is this why everything in my life led to hope being burst? Like, will Vico really marry Nikki even though she’s a Catholic? I would rather be dead, God. But if it’s Your will, then I don’t see why I wouldn’t eventually die, only not by my own hand. I don’t think I could kill myself. I will never knowingly kill myself, God. Please hear me out when I say I do not want to die by my own hand. 323. So Jesus definitely said he’s the Morning Star in Revelation and isn’t a coincidence that Satan is known as that. So he’s partly BATANY too. Right, God? 324. Lord, You must have been so angry at Your Sanhedrin asking to reveal the Messiah. I mean, what?! I don’t know how You must feel about that. Maybe You really are coming back sooner than I thought. 325. Lord, You really died for me. I can’t believe it. But You did!! I’m so sorry You had to go through that just to save me. I have no words to describe how I feel right now. I know I just came from watching a snippet of the crucifixion from the Chosen trailer but I feel so much, even if it doesn’t show on my face right now. I can’t comprehend how You were able to do it. Thank You. I love you. To God be the glory! 326. Lord, for the sake of Gazans too still suffering today, please come back quicker! MARANATHA!!! I’ve heard of their suffering on X. A mere baby blown to bits again and their onesie being all the proof left with broken bones in it. Lord!!!!! Please save us from this hell! In ISA’s name, amen. I need to get my shit together and finish as quickly as possible. 327. Lord, I didn’t think of this yet, but if ever my entire family is raptured (and please do keep us all in mind), please don’t let anyone burgle our house. How would my legacy be passed on if somebody stole my gadgets and will, for instance? Lord, please listen to me when I say I have no faith in humanity. I definitely foresee evil characters desperate enough to take our house as theirs in the end times of the tribulation. If ever family are left like my extended family, please make them come to our house quickly and fortify it enough to vacate it and take my stuff with them. In ISA’s name, amen. 328. Lord, was 21 Jump Street dream referring to Your First and Second Coming? If so, exciting!!!! CULT CLASSIC AND SUMMER!!!! 329. Lord, if ever my ideas are legitimized, I surely hope people don’t misunderstand me. By instituting BATANY, or BTNY, I don’t mean to suggest that people should worship the way by which Satan’s evil manifests. It’s just that You sometimes commanded heinous things in the past that people might see as evil, such as the victims of the various killings You did for Your glory. I would go so far as to say You allowed these killings, so it’s still eventually Your will even though the way it happened is through evil, so You definitely are implicated in it because Your ways are beyond what humans can fathom. Just like how You allowed Satan to harm Job to a point, so Your will definitely comes through Satan sometimes or agrees with Satan’s effects. But humans are enjoined to always look upon Your loving face (ACCOIYO) because of the ultimate sacrifice who is Jesus, who saves us from all the pain of BATANY. Light overrules darkness eventually, and it will all make sense eventually why trauma had to happen to manifest Your glory. ACCO for short, as a throwback eventually for Yahweh, who includes both ACCOIYO and BATANY seeing as You created Satan. That reminds me, God, do You actually like Your new name, or am I just kidding myself? Please respond to me about this. In ISA’s name, amen. 330. Lord, for the sake of the farmers who are poised to lose their land in Pax Silica, please come back sooner than November! IN ISA’S NAME, AMEN. 331. I don’t think reincarnation is so true now, but Lord, I’m too lazy to change it. This is permission to add all my private ruminations and prayers to the Obsidian website if ever ya’ll are reading me! I don’t think I’m reincarnated Jesus (neither is Vico really) because I’ll also be raptured right and meet actual Jesus, except I’m just important like Abraham was because he’s like the father who almost gave up his son Isaac just like how Father-Mother God gave up Jesus. A prototype, if you will. I suppose I really just inherited Isaiah too, but only, I’m secondary to Jesus. My mania really had me thinking I inherited Solomon as well, lol! I am not so much wise as blessed beyond comprehension. 332. If there really is procreation in Heaven, then who is allowed to procreate another Big Bang? I’ve always wanted an answer to this. Maybe my desire to be a mother isn’t so misplaced or hopeless. Maybe I’ll really get to become that in Heaven, maybe even the first! I could only dream. I know with my limitations on Earth, I am prevented from wanting it too badly because I know I would just be incapable, but maybe intimacy in Heaven would mean something different, like literally creating new worlds or universes based on two people’s intimacy? Maybe the worlds created in Heaven would be perfect then? Seeing as there’s no more sin. If we’re all co-heirs anyway, we’d get the same if not dimmed abilities of God to create? I don’t mean to ask for more than what You will, God. But the idea just occurred to me today. 333. August 4, 2026: Lord, are You really going to wait for The Chosen series to be finished before You come back? I guess You really love that series too to see it to completion. If so, I can wait, but my thesis, God! Please think of my thesis too! 334. Lord ACCOIYO, You should really trust my intuition over any other adviser You have up there. If I could be right about March 9 fears, then I could be right about Berggruen not winning based on content alone. You really do have to come sooner than September. But You know Rebecca Goldstein more than I do, as in You’ve seen her entire life and what she’s experienced, so I can’t be too confident about if it’s not going to work based on merit alone. Maybe You know more about it than I do. 335. Lord, please listen to the cries of Gaza if You aren’t already. PLEASE COME BACK AND SAVE US ALL!!!!! MARANATHA!!!!!!!!!!!! 336. Lord, I suppose I really have a lot of great things to look forward to just because of Salvation and Praise from Isaiah 60:18!!!! PLEASE!!!!! I’m the first human to notice it based on name meanings and all!!!! I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ISAIAH REALLY PREDICTED JESUS AND JUDAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please give me more wisdom about how to bring about the future where wolf and lamb lay down together with no more predation. In ISA’s name, amen. 337. Lord ACCOIYO, does BATANY feel for humans the way I feel about Nikki? Physical beauty is a pale reflection of Your glory, yes, and if I want to possess it myself, does that mean my envy is Satanic? Of course I want to be greater than Nikki. You’ve given me so much hope and I was really set up to believe that I’m the one meant to be endgame with Vico, based on my prayer wishlist. I don’t know if I misled myself only and gave myself hope. Maybe I did. I want to exalt myself over Nikki, is that evil? I don’t know why it has to be her, because she reminds me too well of Audrey’s beauty, and she in my opinion did nothing to earn her glory just like humans did nothing to get Your grace. Does that mean Satan is partial to me? I would think so, but seeing as I don’t get a lot of nice things on Earth, it can only mean that demons don’t like me and Satan doesn’t particularly like me—not that I’d want them to like me for bad reasons—because They haven’t exactly blessed me with material things. Maybe it’s Your will that I’m not so blessed materially or in beauty to increase my faith. I would think Satan is watching me very closely because I’m still on Your side even if Nikki ends up with Vico. It’s really because I believe in Your justice, and I trust that what You eventually decree for BATANY would be just, even if it’s beyond what I could fathom. You could never forgive murderers of innocents right? Or is that part of the deal of grace? Right? If true repentance is there, there must be forgiveness too. Could You ever forgive Satan? Could all of the Revelation prophecies about Their ruin not come true? Could Satan ever be reconciled with You? I would like to think so, God. I can’t believe I’m being an advocate for Evil Incarnate. If it’s really Your will to neutralize Satan and give Them what They want in the end, to be glorified as part of the Godhead, then who am I to stop it? Your ways are beyond my ways. 338. Lord, I’ve seen a mute prophet on TikTok prophesying about a possible megaquake in the Philippines. Please protect my family from that if ever it happens. Please protect the people against it, God. Lord, please spare us from Your wrath. In ISA’s name, amen. 339. Lord, please spare me from too much heartbreak if ever You are not coming back soon and that Vico will likely get married in 2028 beyond. In ISA’s name, amen. 340. Lord, if You really set me up to be like Job but took everything away even after You gave it back to me, what am I supposed to be? Am I exalted over Job? Is this a test from Satan? Was Job really a real person? Job means persecuted, hated, or afflicted. I take Nikki situation to mean that I am afflicted with some kind of character test because I can almost not take it and still be loyal to Your will. And it’s not only because I’m afraid of suffering if I don’t stay on Your good side. It’s because I fundamentally believe You are just and will reward me in the afterlife anyway despite my great suffering on Earth. Imagine Job’s legacy but even greater for me. I lost everything with Mike seemingly, but gained it all back with Vico, only to lose it all once again. Doesn’t make for a very just story so I can only conclude that it’s going to make sense in my afterlife. Satan doesn’t have this fallback, and I understand Their pain and anger, although I can never completely understand it because I’m a human who wholly—well, sometimes—trusts in Your divine providence. Lord, please come back sooner than 2028!!!! It will really do me such good, but only if it’s Your will. All I can say is, the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away, blessed be the name of the Lord, still, always. 341. Israel means “one who struggles with God.” Does that not mean anything related to Satan, God? Enlighten me as to whether or not I am right. That You really are going to choose Satan too, to become like You eventually, to neutralize Them. 342. Lord, what kind of existence will we have in Heaven? If there is no more scarcity or a memory of it, then how do we maintain our fundamental identities? My identity has always been formed around my lack of beauty, so what will happen to me in Heaven? Will I magically not care about beauty anymore because I am finally set free from scarcity? Beauty will abound so it will be common yet still special? How can something so contradictory exist? How can I appreciate something that is no longer scarce? Truly, value will have an ontological change. If I didn’t want to possess the validation of another person, how am I supposed to act around them? Will we be completely pleasant zombies? Hopefully not. Will language be thoroughly transformed? Will I care deeply about their wellbeing and know the best way to respond to them? Hopefully so. Will there be teasing in Heaven? Just like “yun ang inaabangan ko” with Vico joking to LA Louie Afable about tripping. It requires a kind of evil that is virtual? So maybe fun stuff requires the memory of evil? How can that be? If there is no evil, will “evil” be blessed in Heaven such that it no longer harms? Only, there would be no more competition, yet there are special rewards for those who have been faithful? Maybe it will be just, so everybody just accepts that it’s their just reward. It will be perfectly logical. Maybe I would even get new desires in Heaven. Besides wanting to create, I mean. I’ve always wanted to create, so something in me always wants to multiply and create novelty. Maybe I can suggest new things to God. Exciting!!! What kind of things would we find funny in Heaven? Surely, some deformation is going to exist because things can’t be funny without some weird deformation of usual rules, right? 343. Will You be reconciled to Satan? Natural predators and prey becoming peaceful together, right? So I must not be so wrongheaded to imagine a future where Satan and God peacefully coexist together. The epitome of evil with good becoming neutralized, right? 344. God, Your glory has been shown to me in my own life being one of the first people to take seriously Isaiah’s vision. But what will it really take? We’ve arrived at a critical point in time when people no longer think of God at all, and what if You really do come back now, it’s going to be really glorious because people really weren’t expecting it to happen, now of all times in history! 345. I cannot wait to resuscitate that childhood sensation of valuing things again. Like toys. 346. Lord, TIL that Judas was called the son of perdition by Jesus too. So why am I getting dreams of the Antichrist exactly? Lady Gaga made a track about Judas, I think. I think that’s why she’s in my dreams. OH RIGHT THERE WERE COINS IN THAT GUY’S PIANO SO IT WAS JUDAS I WAS DREAMING ABOUT, OR THE ANTICHRIST!!!! So who is Lady Gaga supposed to be? Jesus? Lady Gaga completes the music, and I’m the servant of Jesus, right? The true prophet? And there would be no Christ without the Antichrist right? So they need each other, in a way. Judas by Lady Gaga speaks about being loyal to Judas. So definitely, something is up, in that Lady Gaga doesn’t stand in for Jesus, but maybe for Norr Weston? The Daughter who betrayed her father to once have been associated with Satan but has now been welcomed like a prodigal daughter? I think so. So what does this have to do with “me” helping complete or defend Norr Weston’s goal of completing the melody to the simple track offered by the Antichrist? Is my dream about Canon in D about this, God? Does that mean I have to complete Unreal Image? I don’t know if I can wait that long, God. The original plan was to come back soon after I send TLS to Berggruen. 347. Am I supposed to locate who Judas/Antichrist is supposed to be to launch the rapture, God? I don’t know yet. It certainly couldn’t be Vico. It certainly can’t be just anyone. Maybe Judas is a type of person who will sell Jesus for money. Anyone who is using God to get rich, I think. Or betrays Jesus to get what they want in the world. So the Antichrist would definitely be a believer, then, if only negatively? Maybe it’s going to resemble Sabby in name meanings. It couldn’t be an atheist. The Antichrist will definitely be possessed by Satan too. Well, God, so You’ve definitely revealed clues to me as to who the Antichrist is going to be, but I still can’t tell who it is, really. And so soon too!! Will it really be a man again? I surely hope I don’t become a vessel of the Antichrist. Hopefully I will be raptured too, right, God? 348. The clue is in the song lyric. It could never be Lady Gaga who is the Antichrist because she literally says, Jesus is my virtue / And Judas is the demon I cling to. This is the second time Norr Weston has appeared to me looking like she is betraying Jesus because of the “defender” or “false prophet” who is me. But then to my side, the one with the coins is less Jesus and more Antichrist. Am I really deceived into thinking that Jesus is Lady Gaga? Because she deserves praise for her talent more than the Rick Astley-type figure? 1. Astley does mean East Meadow, which I associate with Jesus. 2. But then Lady Gaga does majority of the heavy lifting for the music, so she’s definitely the “salvation” part to Judas’ praise. 3. Maybe the clue too is in Lady Gaga’s real name. She has “God is gracious” in her name too, same as John who wrote Revelation. 4. Why did I appear to defend Lady Gaga against who she is in love with, that is, the Antichrist? Why is Norr Weston in love with the Antichrist? This is exactly a Joker problem, like in TLS. Joker and Lady Gaga movie, right? So we assume that Gail never wore the Joker costume in her death, because they are trying to claim the dress she was buried in. So really, the woman here (me) isn’t the Antichrist, but only appears accidentally like the Antichrist. So who is Gail in love with? Carl Bernardo, and the Carlos I was shown in my dreams the other day showed me the badass piano and the war in the second heaven to get to firmer ground? Using fire against the evil ones? Blue and gold? (”Reporma Up” picture of Vico’s with Gold & Blue with the first Allen Iverson AI song he set to Master Wen’s video) I remember that enemy here was the blue and gold people, and I was on the side of the ones handling the fire and I even felt the strong heat. 5. I’d be really bummed if Vico turned out to be the Antichrist, God. Surely not him! 6. Maybe it’s Mike? No, he doesn’t have the leadership skill, I think. Or maybe Michael the name meaning too. “Who is like God.” Surely not the Angel, right? My Judas dream makes me think it’s both Vico and Mike, or a combination of him that isn’t either of them by themselves, since I made Carl Bernardo into a kind of Supreme Man in a way, being both a mayor and a heartthrob Playboy writer. 7. So my brain has definitely been used to sniff out who the Antichrist is supposed to be, right? Or God, are You trying to make me spot who he is in the real world. At this point I have no clue, but I think it could be either Trump or Elon Musk or maybe both of them partnering together. 1. Key thing here is someone Norr Weston would be in love with, not necessarily who I am in love with. Somebody like who I wrote Carl Bernardo to be, a leader and a playboy who eventually got married to someone like Gail but not her. I would also think they’re evil because I relate to Gail, but I think if I still had feelings for Mike I would never stop being in love with a Carl Bernardo. My love for Vico at this point isn’t so hot anymore, but I still think of him fondly. Maybe the Antichrist will really be American, then. Or Muslim. Because I think if I’m right, Antichrist is in love with Stella. You hear that, God? I think Antichrist is in love with whoever Hagar’s spirit is supposed to be. A Muslim woman. Which means Antichrist is most likely a Muslim-American? 2. I would never be tempted to be the Antichrist even if I am ennobled and made more competent. I know I’m heading for eternal damnation if I become that. 3. Somebody with Mahmood! OMG MAMDANI!!! IDK. I may be completely wrong. Vico posted about Mamdani’s father, so I think he’s a clue too. Again, I’m hoping it isn’t him. 1. His mother is Mira to my Myra!!! 4. For some reason, I find myself believing it could be Mamdani. He is poised to be the false messiah because even I can agree with him. Vico is always compared to him. 5. “This calls for wisdom, the number of the beast would be 666” Well, Kwame, Mamdani’s middle name, means Saturday, or 6th day, and it’s strongly associated with Ghanian revolutionary Kwame Nkrumah, prime minister of newly independent Ghana in 1957 until 1966. That’s 9 years. 6 upside down. Kwame also means “wisdom” and “leadership.” 6. I wonder what Mamdani would think of being a possible Antichrist. 7. There’s only one problem, Mamdani is Pro-Palestinian. How is he supposed to bring peace in Israel when he’s aligned himself to the right cause? 8. Great, because I read the Wiki on the book by Jesus ben Eliezer ben Sirach, I think it’s still going to be an Islam-influenced man or woman. Because of his attitude towards women and slaves. Something about his name meanings too. “God saves” + “God is my help” (Lazarus too) + “thorn” (Paul)? 349. Lord, I have a new question. Who exactly are the 2 olive trees and lampstands? The two witnesses? 350. Lord, I’m really sorry for being negligent. I hope and pray that Ma’am Jane will be gracious to me as she realizes I’m an idiot for not checking the SOA sooner. In ISA’s name, amen. Lord, I also hope and pray she reads the previous email first before exclaiming something about my stupidity in her mind, if I am not right about Your grace to me. Please, God. I’m really sorry. 351. Lord, I think Your pre-trib is the right one, because I think You coming back after the Tribulation is for when the second chancers get saved during it. But You’re definitely sparing true Christians right now, right, for the rapture? But Lord, am I really one of the two witnesses? Will I have to suffer after like dying? Or has my resurrection already happened on March 9? Did I bear the brunt for two—like with me and Vico? If that is so, that means the tribulation has already happened or started. Or that it’s compressed since November 2025 last year. 352. Lord, I fervently pray that Ma’am Jane Reblando isn’t mad at me. In ISA’s name, amen. Please have her send me a new SOA tomorrow. 353. So the two witnesses really are the church, to prophesy for 3.5 years (Smyrna and Philadelphia). But my church is Bethany in TLS, so now it’s doubly relevant to me too because my mom is myrrh and her brother is a pastor. My mom literally has enemies everywhere she goes, and they’re bound to give each other gifts if my mom meets her demise just like the Bible said. But after those 3.5 years, God will resurrect them (the churches of the past too) and bring them up to heaven! I wonder when those 3.5 years have started, though. It may just be a pointer to a specific length of time that isn’t literally 42 months, but may be just a general timeframe near the end. It could just as easily be Moses and Elijah too. “Draw out of the water” and “Yahweh is my God.” God literally drew the Israelites out of the water too in the parting of the Red Sea. 354. Lord, if it is Your will, please give me more wisdom as much as You can squeeze about who the 24 elders are supposed to be. In ISA’s name, amen. 355. Lord, please speedily give me my SOA today through Ma’am Reblando so I can be done with it. I am so tired, God. I am so tired of being alive and having to go through bureaucracy. In ISA’s name, amen. 356. Lord, what do my dreams from August 4-5 mean? They’re seemingly not making sense. Who is Whel Valia? What am I supposed to get from that? 357. Lord, this world is so corrupt and wicked. Please come back soon! MARANATHA!!!!! IN ISA’S NAME, AMEN. 358. Lord, thank You for making the phone call easier than expected. 359. Lord, please give me wisdom about what to do about Whel Valia. 360. Lord, I know I don’t have much to complain about right now, but still, I feel like I don’t want to live anymore. I know I’m selfish in that I really just want to escape into Heaven already to be with You, and I’m just so tired of being alive right now. I don’t know where I was going with this. I just feel like I want to cast this burden down at Your feet. I want to die already and be reunited in everlasting peace and glory. 361. Surely God, You’ve created more worlds than humanity. Maybe we’re set to find out in Heaven what else You’ve created. Surely humans aren’t the first creations right? We’re just the ones mentioned in the Bible. But what if You also have other creatures up Your sleeve? What kind of creations could You have created? 362. Lord, Ma’am Reblando still hasn’t responded to me yet. Please remind her and urge her to do so. Thank you in advance. IN ISA’S NAME, AMEN. 363. Lord, if You didn’t intend to be specific about the timelines and timeframes, why put time, times, and half a time everywhere in the Bible? Are we really supposed to calculate when it is? 364. Lord, why would You give me a dream about Vico wanting to get a burial plot? Even in the midst of me no longer wanting to be with him on this Earth? 365. Lord, maybe my ordinary dreams are supposed to signal something to the spiritual realm? Like, are persons up there betting on who got my dream right? And are they acting based on my dreams? 366. Lord, all I want to do is escape. Please help me bear this time of my life because I’m tired of all of it. In ISA’s name, amen. 367. LORD!!! THANK YOU FOR DELIVERING ME FROM BUREAUCRACY HELL!!!! AMEN!!!!!!!! 368. “Divide the spoils with the strong” God? Or Whel Valia? Am I to divide my spoils with that person? Who is Whel Valia? Vico? 1. Okay, God. My dreams are really confusing. May You help me shed light on them because I’m stumped. Is Carl Bernardo supposed to be Whel Valia? Is Boaz the kinsman-redeemer? 369. I’m just so happy because I remembered I heard in my mind, “Help me to know what I’m made for” or something like that in my own voice. It was the Holy Spirit, I tells ya! The Holy Spirit prays for us our prayers which we cannot even think of yet. THANK YOU GOD!!! I wish I got more half-awake states like that one. 370. Lord, I really hope You’re coming back in like 3 weeks or so. 371. Lord, I can really only imagine what it’d be like to walk by Your side. The wedding of Christ and the Church. I have a wedding to attend and I can’t wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 372. Lord, I have a primary weakness and it’s because I want to be special. I can’t help it. I want to feel special because I think it glorifies me. I want to be rare and valued and loved above everybody else. Now, being the first to know about the name meanings makes me feel extra special, but what else is there to develop from that in the meantime while I wait for Berggruen and if You aren’t coming back yet right after? I don’t mean to be impatient nor lazy, but I just don’t think I’m up for real scholarly work in this remaining life that I have, that’s why I want to continue my studies with my glorified body. I just wish You would give me more wisdom about it through my dreams now or tonight. It seems I’ve been groping in the dark with Whel Valia. I don’t really know what it’s supposed to mean and the context is just forgetting him on the PACE test. Am I meant to take it as a sign that I’ll forget the pain of not having Vico in Heaven? If so, that’s a happy fact. Lord knows how much I am—or was—in love with him. I can’t say about real love because my love for him isn’t unconditional. It’s always tied up with impurities like again, being chosen by someone important. Because I want to be important by association. Help me deal with this weakness, God. If my life is about overcoming this weakness and growing more mature, then please help me get over it. Please give me supernatural selflessness as I prepare myself to be part of Your Bride someday. 373. August 6, 2026: Lord, so the Berggruen question for this year’s competition is “Might our civilization yet again be at a hinge of history, in which the events that occur at this distinct point in time significantly influence our future trajectory?” I don’t think TLS is too relevant for that question. I really am not going to win unless You rapture me after I send it. 374. Lord, I’m just really curious. Please give me dreams about this. If You don’t come back for me after I send TLS for the rapture, what is the domino effect of the events supposed to be like? If I win, of course. It’ll take years and years for me to be important if people commission a book from me talking about my theories. It’ll take another canon of a Bible again. Are You seriously going to make it last longer for more than 500 years when most of the world is ruined by billionaires? That is why I think the rapture is imminent and urgent now. We need You to come back soon, God. 375. Lord, am I really meant to be an Isaiah ben Amoz? Am I synchronous with him because of Whel Valia? What am I supposed to do besides submitting TLS? Am I destined to write a book about it? If so, help me, God. I don’t know the first thing about writing a book. Please, God, I would prefer it if I were to become influential in my afterlife only after I am raptured. 376. Lord, what is Whel supposed to mean? Is it supposed to be synchronous with Jesus? An Ophanim? A refrain in a poem? Dylan Thomas poem? 377. Lord, I need to know exactly who I’m supposed to be. I have no clue if I am supposed to be Omega, or if I’m just an ordinary prophet, or am I really meant to do something significant that will be instigated by Your rapture. I only think I’m meant to take Isaiah because You called Your servant deaf and blind, and how they pay no attention to things like name meanings. In that case, my Anita Love dream really led me to hyperfocus on the Logos because of Jesus’ decisions for John’s fate, for example. And I noticed Job too, the “persecuted.” And Abraham really is synchronous with Father. And Peter being the “rock on which I build my church.” 378. Lord, I truly wonder what Your plans are for my 12 Chosen Ones. What is the world supposed to do with Them if none of my ideas are going to catch if You aren’t coming back soon? Why did You lead me to hypothesize about Norr Weston/North West as a Daughter? What exactly is her purpose? Why have You allowed me to receive dreams about a Daughter? Am I supposed to develop Norr Weston? 379. Why did You only give me the significance of name meanings now, God? What is the world supposed to realize about name meanings besides knowing about Jesus’ decisions? 380. Lord, the reason why I think You need to come back after I send TLS is because I think the jury needs a reason to prioritize Christianity. At that point, they’re going to be looking for a direction and I think TLS is going to provide them a roadmap towards surviving the Tribulation. Many people are going to center Christianity after the rapture, and I think TLS could become really relevant to the conversation if and only if the rapture occurs early after I send it to give them time to deliberate. You wouldn’t put this idea in my head if You aren’t going to honor it right? Please come back soon, God! 381. Lord, am I really a pre-Second Coming? Why do the events in my life seem like a miniature of Biblical prophecies? What is my life supposed to add up to? 382. Lord, maybe I’ll only really meet Vico in the rapture! I cannot wait too! 383. Lord, I’d like to know why it takes You a while to answer me. Example: I prayed about the equipping from April 4 and talked to You about my broken heart about Nikki and Vico, but then I only received a dream in a half-awake state from the Holy Spirit on May 30. Is this really because of the courts of Heaven? Is something blocking You from answering directly to me? Am I not ready for direct communication? 384. Well, God, John is alive and well in TLS because I really had to mention him and also because of my Anita Love dream. Was that on purpose? Is this supposed to be justice for giving John too much hope in Your time? You really made it so that I got the Anita Love dream in 2025-2026 so maybe You really are coming back soon! 385. Lord, I really hope I’m not being misled. Why did I dream about Israel and Vico? What was that dream supposed to signify? Which is to say, I really hope my brain isn’t just talking to itself about its own desires. 386. I wouldn’t be having dreams about so many dead people recently in 2026 if Your promises are not being steadily fulfilled, God. Does that mean You really are coming back? 387. Lord, I just want to appreciate the fact that You really did talk to me through Norr Weston. I’m probably the only Christian in the world who is open-minded enough to consider seeming heresy and really try to discern what it really means fully. I thank You for giving me that. Now if only I can figure out what I’m supposed to do in the meantime while I wait for another one of those booming dreams. 388. Lord, please save me from my thesis!! I promise to work on my novel in the afterlife!!!! Please come sooner than when I have to submit an AI-generated thesis, God!! I don’t want to use unfair means even though I theoretically have a right to because of all the work I’ve already done for CW and my brain damage and lack of experience and all. MARANATHA!!! SPEEDILY COME AND SAVE YOUR BRIDE GOD!!!!!!!!!!!! 389. Lord, does this mean saints will have a role to play in the rapture in that we can talk to people while they’re sleeping through dreams? AWESOME!!!! My dream theories are definitely going to catch at that point if humans are allowed to send dreams and visions to Your chosen ones in the Tribulation. 390. You know what God? I don’t think it’s Mamdani who is the future Antichrist. I’d hate if Mamdani turned out to be evil. But I could never be sure. He could be possessed by Satan because he’s not a Christian. He wouldn’t be acting as himself, then. 391. Lord, who is the Woman in Revelation? Is it Hagar? The “stranger” “foreigner” “forsaken” “this is the reward” “the immigrant” 1. So there’s a possibility that Norr Weston is in fact the princess Hagar who was given to Sarah as a handmaid according to Rabbinic literature. 2. So maybe the Woman really is Norr Weston? Or me? 3. What does this have to do with Barbie, God? Is there any connection? Barbara Millicent Roberts. “strong in work” “bright fame” 392. Lord, You really don’t need me to accomplish Your goals and will, but I just want to know, and am so curious to know, why it had to be Berggruen? What is up with Berggruen? Why do I have to influence Rebecca? Is she Your endgame? Or is she symbolic of a Jewish people? 393. August 7, 2026: Lord, for the sake of Gaza and Sudan, please come back soon. MARANATHA! 394. Lord, why did I dream of Chloe Gong and batany? Does that mean I will be famous after I get raptured? I don’t think it could reach Chloe Gong that fast unless I am raptured. 395. Lord, I find myself missing December 2025. Right when I received the perfume. I don’t know why. I just want to go back for some reason. Yearning for a time that doesn’t really exist, maybe only in Heaven. 396. Lord, thank You for Your vision of the rapture. I think You really nailed it because I have some fears about it, like maybe I would experience fear being caught up in the clouds because I’ve never sky-dived before and heights terrify me. The idea of flying is scary even though I’ve had multiple dreams about flying being fun. 397. Lord, please make CRS team respond to me about lock enlistment button being missing. Thank You. In ISA’s name, amen. 398. Lord, I think I have my answer. I think I was supposed to be a miniature for Satan’s situation. A really hyperspecific envy situation. With my sister’s natural beautiful legs and my natural ugly legs. The way of things in Your economy, that You love humans more than Angels. I still don’t understand why, though. What is my eventual role in this entire thing? Maybe Satan’s relation to me is that like mine to my sister’s. Even though we’re friendlier now, it doesn’t mean I can do what she wants me to do. I don’t really want the same thing that she has now—Entoy, but I want Vico. Someone greater than Entoy, I think, in my opinion. I still want to be glorified over my sister, eventually. Although that’s not my main motive. I just want to be the one who can please Vico better than Nikki. I guess she’s my new sister in this sense. I don’t know if it’s the same for Satan. Maybe They wanted to be God because that’s what You were planning to do—to make humans into co-God with Jesus seeing as he became human for us. Your value on humans over Angels. Not that humans were inherently valuable. But that You chose us to become valuable, like Vico chose those shoes. Angels might have been the better choice, but They only do whatever You want, so I guess those demons really have something humans have too. They rebelled against Your will. You want us to follow Your will voluntarily without condition, because it’s nearly impossible for humans to do so because we were never created like how Angels were created to serve You. But did You really intend for Angels to rebel eventually like Satan? It would really put things in order if I knew—or maybe not—if You intended for all of this to happen just to have people to save because You care about the Narrative and because You’re going to make everything right in the end anyway. I don’t know what You’re planning for Satan, but I ask in Your grace that You extend the same kind of grace that You’ve shown me as a human, because I think I finally understand Satan better, if I think They found out about humans long before anyone in Heaven did. Maybe Satan just wants the same ability to choose or create another type of human too. I don’t know if that’s wise. I don’t know if it’s allowed, but I’d definitely keep Satan’s brood in check if ever humans were allowed to reproduce in Heaven so that our offspring there could be dedicated for whatever Satan wanted. It would satisfy me to have sex in Heaven, there I said it, and I wish I could have the opportunity to become a mother because I will have studied and learned from the best there and I would have no limits and near-infinite wisdom. I don’t know if this contradicts what Jesus said, but if I’m right, I’m a type of Christ, and I think what I say can matter too, or maybe it has already occurred to many of You up there. I promise I’m not doing this because I love Satan more, it’s just that I understand Them if I think I’m right. Please hear me out, God. I don’t really know if I’m going in the right direction at this point even with occasional communication from You, as I try my best to discern ordinary dreams from communication from You. In ISA’s name, amen. 1. Say, God, if You are taking this idea seriously, then I think You must really come back sooner than expected. Maybe the day I send TLS to Berggruen! It wouldn’t make sense for Vico to have offspring on Earth and having their Heavenly sibling be elevated above everyone else there. And his wife on Earth wouldn’t like the idea, I think. I know he’s planning to settle down in 2028 or so. Maybe I just don’t want him to end up with Nikki, and I’m sorry for being selfish. You did create me with a will of my own, so that’s my will. As long as I live on Earth, I would never be happy if they ended up getting married. I’m so selfish, I guess, because I’d prefer Vico be unhappily single because he found no one else on Earth because he didn’t meet me (as if). I don’t really love him unconditionally. I’m sorry You created me to be more selfish than what You thought. I’d still hate it if he was married to anybody else. I don’t know what I’m capable of doing, God, because this stability has only been brought to light recently because I no longer desire him as much, although I still want him. This want that You created me with for love from men, it’s impossible to satisfy on Earth, isn’t it? And You made it that way for me to realize that what I seek is not on Earth, but in the hereafter only, because You will find a way to make offspring possible up there. Through a new type of sexuality, I guess. I just realized if I had all of the unlimited things it talked about, it wouldn’t still satisfy my old earthly longing, and I still wish it was possible to remember that I wanted it for so long and got it eventually in Heaven. I don’t know if I’m introducing unnecessary competition again. Most people up there wouldn’t want my problem, I think. They would have to retain a kind of fear-awe about me because They respect my decision and because it was never an easy decision even if I want it to happen because of selfishness. Imagine surrendering a kid to a former enemy. I don’t know if this is Your will, or it could become Your will if You listened to what I wanted. It would be like Jacob having Renesmee, and isn’t Turning Page my audio for ACCO anyway? It would make things fair for Satan’s troubles with You. It would certainly be a new Story, if ever things go wrong again. I’d become a Mary to Jesus because it’s my Son or Daughter who’s going to have to die for their kind. Or maybe I’d have to die for their kind. You would have to make me a Mother of a 25th Person up there, God. Or maybe a 13th Person. It would be my decision in Heaven to confirm my decision on Earth, which is, yes, I would go back to another Earth to save it if it ever turns out to be bad again. I wouldn’t subject my Son or Daughter to it but I myself would subject myself with full consent. It would be my Son or Daughter’s decision to go down to Earth if They are ever required to do so, if They actually will become a Main Exemplar of a 4th Person after the Holy Spirit. 2. Say, isn’t this what Norr Weston was saying? “Post-colonial wife.” I don’t know, God, but that’s brilliant. 399. Lord, is 666 related to carbon at all? Why does oxygen have 888? Is this relevant to the number of man? 222 or 141414? Hydrogen has 110. Nitrogen has 777. 1. The word **carbon** **comes from the French word _carbone_**, coined in 1787 by the chemist Antoine Lavoisier. It derives from the Latin word _carbo_, meaning "coal," "glowing coal," or "charcoal". [[1](https://www.etymonline.com/word/carbon), [2](https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/carbon)] 2. Antoine is a French masculine given name meaning **"highly praiseworthy"**, **"priceless one"**, or **"invaluable"**. It is the French cognate of the English name Anthony and derives from the ancient Roman family name _Antonius_. [[1](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antoine), [2](https://www.thebump.com/b/antoine-baby-name), [3](https://www.ancestry.com/first-name-meaning/antoine), [4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LgRSySHYWRY)] 3. The name [**Lavoisier**](https://www.wisdomlib.org/names/lavoisier) is a French surname. It comes from the Old French word "voisier," which means **a valuer, an appraiser, or someone who checks the value of goods**. [[1](https://www.wisdomlib.org/names/lavoisier)] 4. OMG THIS IS IT GOD!!!! WHAT ABOUT ANTOINE LAVOISIER AND CHARCOAL!!! I’M currently watching The Hunger Games so that’s synchronous. District 12? The Antichrist will come from a poor background? 5. **Proto-Indo-European (PIE):** The Latin _carbo_ traces back to the ancient root *_ker-_ (or **kerh₃-*), which means "heat," "fire," or "to burn". [[1](https://www.etymonline.com/word/carbon), [2](https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/carbon)] 1. “If we burn, you burn with us.” 6. So this is the second time that Judas appears again in Antoine. 7. The name **Coriolanus** is a Latin cognomen (surname) that means **"of Corioli"** or **"hero of Corioli."** It originates from the ancient Roman conqueror who earned the title after defeating the Volscian city of Corioli. [[1](https://babynames.com/name/coriolanus), [2](https://www.behindthename.com/name/coriolanus/submitted), [3](https://uptodd.com/baby-names/meaning-of-name-Coriolanus)] 8. Corioli is an ancient, lost city in Latium, Italy. Its name likely derives from the Proto-Indo-European root **kóryos**, meaning **"army" or "army camp"**. [[1](https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/Corioli), [2](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Corioli), [3](https://kids.kiddle.co/Corioli), [4](https://www.ancestry.com.au/first-name-meaning/coriolanus), [5](https://www.britannica.com/place/Cori)] 1. Ergo, he will be a white man with a military background? 2. The name Snow is of English origin and literally means "**frozen precipitation**" or "snow". It derives from the Old English word _snāw_. Historically, it was used as a descriptive nickname for someone with very pale skin or light blonde hair, or for someone who lived near a snowy place. [[1](https://www.thebump.com/b/snow-baby-name), [2](https://babynames.com/name/snow), [3](https://www.ancestry.com/first-name-meaning/snow)] 9. Or is the Capitol going to be where the Antichrist comes from? ``` 2. Edit 8/13: Lord, are the number of letters in my and my sibling’s names important? Am-am has 55, Apot has 44, while I have 46. Is that justice? The order of priority in Heaven and Earth? Of course! ``` 405. LORD YOU REALLY ARE COMING BACK SOON!!!! 406. Lord, You really do have to come back for me soon and my family. I am afraid of retaliation from Israel if I so much suggest that they are evil. 407. Lord, I wouldn’t want to agree to trust Satan if my sacrifice would fail. I would need some kind of guarantee that what They did—betrayal—would never happen again or there would be permanent consequences. I guess You could say I am not willing to become human or another alien again for someone or Someone, who say, likes the sensation of helplessness. I wouldn’t be able to fathom it and would never be able to stomach it. If I could have a permanent guarantee that Satan will never again harm on Your holy mountain, I would agree to a child born in Heaven. If Satan could personally guarantee Their permanent destruction if the child was harmed or produced any harm or evil or had a new will of Their own that violated Your will, I would agree to it. 1. If I see genuine repentance on Satan’s part, probably. I don’t know how Angels’ repentance works. This wild theory is extra-Biblical because I’m simply working with the fact that I was born in Nazareth for a reason. Why I was sent that September 2022 dream. Why Norr Weston talked to me. Why I was told “the enemy needed me.” Why I was given all of the other signs like wolfman and werewolf werewolf werewolf in Balingasag. Why Vico’s and my name’s have synchronicities. 2. If I see signs of the world healing right now I would probably take it as a sign that this theory is canon? Please God, at least send me dreams confirming or not confirming something about this hunch. In ISA’s name, amen. 1. Okay, I saw some signs but still a lot of really bad news from Gaza. 2. The first thing I saw on X was a post about giving rights to people over their likeness in the AI age. 408. Okay, God, now I really don’t know who the Holy Spirit is. Are They really a Supreme Angel? Or did I just make Them into a Supreme Angel? The Angels are a type of servant, and the Spirit is equated with the servant in Revelation because of the “Spirit and the Bride say come” and Rebekah and the servant in the Old Testament. Did You really send Norr Weston to be this Person? Is Celia Frank and Norr Weston the same Person? I just have this working idea that Norr Weston is a Daughter, and I don’t know why. But I guess she could easily be a Hagar-type too, who I assigned to Stella. She could easily be Norr Weston too, because of course she’s black from Egypt right? I am so confused, God. I know I just massively made up the fact that maybe Norr Weston is both Angel and Daughter. Son and Daughter don’t have to be human exclusively but God selected human to be for Their Son. Maybe God selected human and Angel to be for Their Daughter? Who’s the Mother? Stella? Obviously. My mother is a Stella-type. I don’t think Celia Frank is a Father-Mother type. You did say the least of these will be the greatest in Your kingdom? I guess You could say Satan has the worst situation of all time. The biggest Loser if They aren’t redeemed. Please clarify things for me, God. I will try to backread my prayers to see if You’ve answered my questions in my dreams. In ISA’s name, amen. 409. God is so powerful that They could heal Satan’s brokenness if They wanted to. The question is, will They? 410. Does the Holy Spirit have a gender or not? Angels don’t have gender but They certainly have names that are masculine or feminine. Maybe to be a Father-Mother You have to possess both genders’ essence for both possibilities to be realized in a Son or Daughter. So maybe there’s an MF Holy Spirit in Celia. There’s an XX Holy Spirit in Norr Weston but that’s not required to be a Daughter (which is for human possibility only). Maybe Jesus is really the Son because it’s required in the Story that They be a pure human only instead of part Angel. Maybe the Satanhead I’ll come up with are redeemed versions of Their earthly counterparts for Them to be admissible in Heaven. It wouldn’t be called Satanhead. It would be BATANYHEAD. 411. So Biblically there are only two main kinds of creatures besides humans and God, right? Angels and Demons. But the whole variety of Them is just startling. So many kinds of Spirits. How are we to separate Them? How do we tell what is more God than not? ACCOIYO and BATANY right? ACCOIYO is God’s will, BATANY is whatever isn’t God’s will. God required Satan’s nature of BATANY to be able to craft humans. If Satan was the wisest Angel, then maybe They really found out about God wanting another creation even before They fell from Their grace. 412. Lord, I’m really sorry and repent of ALL_GO. I think I already repented of it, but I’d just like to make sure. I really had no right motive. I was such a white knight and envious sucker. I gossiped unintentionally, although I did fantasize about spreading it, which actually happened. I’m really sorry. 413. Okay, so Jesus really said They’re also the Morning Star, so I take that to mean Jesus really admitting They’re Angelic too, meaning that They are there to follow God’s will (which is His own will, by definition of His inherent Godhood) since Jesus wasn’t a created Being. So maybe Jesus has an XY Holy Spirit. It’s either that or that Jesus really just instantiated me into the Omega as a type of Christ, because I’m the one who has the Angel claim here. In order for Jesus to satisfy the voluntariness of what he did on the cross, he would have had to have no Angel in him so he’s not a Servant in nature? He was a pureblood Son that isn’t through an Angel or Servant like Stella (Hagar with Abraham). Meanwhile, I’m secondary in importance because my will must always align with God’s will, I think, to benefit me. It was probably Jesus’ will to die on the cross as in, before he ever became human, He agreed to come down to Earth for a Story of redemption. Maybe Jesus suggested the idea to Father-Mother. 414. Maybe my Chloe Gong batany dream was a multiverse dream, God. If so, I accept that I’ll never taste fame in that sense on Earth. 415. Maybe the other 12 redeemed Satan/Man Megaliths are meant to come from a line of offspring born in Heaven. 416. If I’m Norr Weston, that would make me the storyline of the latest Bridgerton, the one with the Asian. LOL. I’m only happy because she eventually got what she wanted. The ultimate “not like other girls.” 417. OH LORD!! SURELY WHEL VALIA IS LORE FOR 666!!!! IT ADDS UP TO 669!!! That’s a redeemed BATANY name right? What am I supposed to do? I’m pretty sure it was spelled that way. Maybe it’s the new name for one of them. The first of many like Norr Weston was the first. OH BOY! Definitely for Andrew right? 1. SO SO SO I WAS RIGHT. ANDREW IS PARTLY ANGEL TOO!! ETHAN NASH IS PART OPHANIM? 418. Lord, I don’t know if this is a stupid question, but is the Antichrist supposed to be part of the Godhead too? So I definitely assigned Judas to be the Antichrist. And Logan King too. So if Isaiah is right, Salvation and Praise work together. The Antichrist in BATANYHEAD will be a redeemed Antichrist, the complement to Jesus Christ. Are They still Family, God? Or are They mostly Angels and reformed Demons? There definitely is room in BATANYHEAD for really particularly fallen humans who have become genuinely reformed, so I guess some of them could be Family. 419. Okay, so Weel is a name. Maybe Andrew isn’t part Ophanim. WEEL VALIA adds up to 666. 1. The name **Weel** is a rare English surname and topographic term derived from the Old English word _wēl_ or _wǣl_, meaning **a "deep pool," "whirlpool," or "deep water"**. It can also refer to a geographical location, such as the hamlet of Weel in East Yorkshire, England. [[1](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/weel), [2](https://www.ancestry.com/last-name-meaning/wheal), [3](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Weel)] 420. Okay, so definitely in Catholic doctrine it talks about Jesus having come from the Holy Spirit impregnating Mary. That definitely lends support to my theory that Jesus is partly Angel too. That is, if Jesus really came from a virgin birth. If not, the theory is that he is purely Son still has legs because it means he really volunteered out of his own free will and not because he had a servant’s will. So Isaiah passages about a suffering servant hit harder because he wasn’t a servant by nature but was treated as one. 421. August 8, 2026 Lord, so definitely I am not going to catch because the papacy isn’t going to allow some shmuck to alter the Trinity composition and suggest that Jesus is partly Angel/Holy Spirit and alter the Nicene creed. Where did they get the idea that Jesus isn’t Holy Spirit anyway when Mary was impregnated by the Holy Spirit? Doesn’t that imply that Jesus has the essence of the Holy Spirit? Lord, You’re really going to have to pull the rapture soon if You want me to become famous faster because it’s going to take at least 500 years for my ideas to cement itself and become even greater than the Nicene Creed. Unless of course my initial Trinity alterations in Berggruen catch and influence the papacy. 422. Lord, it’ll really be a hoot if You come back on August 18. I had my period on August 18, 2008. That’s 18 years from that long ago too. 18!!! 423. Lord, I don’t know why I dreamt of The Raven. Please enlighten me if that is important. 424. Lord, is the Holy Spirit really the restrainer? 425. Lord, are You saying “never again” to reproduction through that “The Raven” dream? If so, I accept it. Thank You for Your wisdom. 1. Satan did try to kill Jesus as a baby, so I understand why this sort of evil should never be trusted unless They are fully redeemed. 426. Lord, is Legion supposed to be relevant to the “covenant with many” and did it already happen to me on March 9? 427. OMG GOD!!! GAZA MEANS STRONG!!! STRONG CITY!!! WHEL/WEEL VALIA!!!!!! 428. August 9, 2026: Lord, please make CRS Team respond to me soon. I just really need to complete registration. In ISA’s name, amen. 429. Lord, I just realized that TLS’s topic is the Second Coming. You wouldn’t have led me to write about that if you aren’t coming back!! MAYBE YOU ARE COMING BACK SOON!!! 430. Lord, I don’t think You could regret because You are all-knowing right? But are You ever surprised by Your creations? What does my dream mean? Why did You make me dream of Uncle Jun-Jun in that context? Does that mean You’ve planned everything from the start, even Satan’s envy? 431. Lord Jesus, I surely hope You aren’t offended that I made Gail Yap into the Parousia. I never asked You about Your opinion about it. I don’t mean to claim anything but maybe I am just a pre-Second Coming. A miniature or echo, if You will, of what happened to Your life. Please send me a confirmation that I am indeed going in the right direction about it. 432. Lord Jesus, was Norr Weston really Hagar’s spirit talking to me? A black woman, right? The Woman and the Dragon in Revelation. I need more intel about it. I don’t really know why that was her first message to me. Why did she emphatically say You were groomed to be a Savior? Are they opposed to You? Was it supposed to make me claim the Parousia title? To be able to write TLS? 433. Lord, please help me be productive in the meantime. I am so sapped of energy to do anything. I just really want to do mastery activities but at 28, I have no energy to even reinvigorate my skills in writing. Come to think of it, I just don’t think I have skills anymore, God. I feel perpetually useless now. It seems like all of my memory and skill was contained in my mesolimbic pathways and now that I’m no longer manic, they all but disappeared on me. Please help me, God, if You aren’t coming back soon yet and I’d need to write my thesis. Please, God. You can heal me if You wanted to. I just want to be euthymic and be able to have skills again. I feel so dumb and antsy. In ISA’s name, amen. 434. Lord, You must really hate the envy that is within my blood. I am really sorry for this. I just know that my life was stacked to be like this ever since I was born, but I’m still sorry for this one sin I can’t seem to let go of. I can’t help it, God. You can help me overcome my envy and my desire to one-up Nikki and earn Vico’s attention. Please help me prepare for the rapture by changing my heart. I suppose I will be completely healed in Heaven and I would have different desires there, just like how an ant on Earth might suddenly find themselves becoming human, and they wouldn’t be able to fathom how they had these ant desires that are so small and feeble and incomplete. In ISA’s name, amen. 435. Lord, I’m just really curious about Norr Weston. Why did she approach me with that “groomed to be a Savior.” Why did You all think that would work on me? Is Norr Weston really to be trusted, God? I know I’m suspicious, but You wouldn’t have chosen me if I wasn’t. The Lady Gaga dream You know wouldn’t make me think she’s demonic because it’s just so obvious that she’s on the good side, but I just want to make sure. You sure use antagonistic language and imagery a lot, and I wonder why that is. The Angel in the Night dream made me think she was trying to replace Jesus but I could never be sure. Maybe she really is a Holy Spirit-type, if I’m right. 1. Well, now I’m really scared because of 2 Cor. 11:14. Lord, I need more wisdom on this. It seems as if Satan is acting as a double agent here. Why would Satan lead me to write TLS? It doesn’t make sense. I glorify Jesus Christ in TLS. The Angel in the Night dream was supposed to sap me of my skills, right? So I realize my uselessness somehow? But Satan disguises himself as an Angel of Light? God, I really feel this to my bones. Please talk to me? Why have You given Satan permission to talk to me in this way? Do I really have a big role to play besides Berggruen? What am I supposed to do now? Is Berggruen actually Your will, God? Lord knows I don’t want to be elevated above Jesus Christ. 436. Lord, I have no opportunity to bear fruit these days. I’m really sorry. I only have my thesis to be faithful about. And TLS. Is this really how ordinary my life is like? I have really nothing going for me, but I await Your rapture so hard, God. Please come back soon! 437. Lord, I don’t know why my first instinct was to make Norr Weston part of the Godhead. Is it really the truth? Do You really have a Daughter? Or is there only 3 as in the Trinity? I need to know, God. It seems as if You would need a lot more Family Members, but I could be completely wrong. Isn’t Mary part of the Duodenity? But You never said she was God too, just that I think she’s a co-heir in the Godhead. A Chosen One too. Please, God, I know I shouldn’t be wrong about something this important. Why do I never dream of the others, God? Why has Norr Weston been the only one to appear to me if that is true? I had outlined some stuff about North West and maybe that’s why she seems like a Daughter to me, a princess of sorts. Jesus’ sister from Stella, a concubine of Yours? I really am not sure anymore. What is the point of leading the Holy Spirit to make me develop the Chosen One Family if Your will wasn’t to make my ideas famous someday? I would really have to be raptured first to become important, God. I don’t see how I would become famous and besides, I have no brains anymore to write a book or essays. I’ve truly become empty the last few weeks after antipsychotics. Maybe the Angel in the Night dream just assured me that They’re going to save the day by the rapture soon, because I can no longer work, God. 438. Lord, is Whel/Weel Valia my new name in Heaven? If so, interesting choice! I don’t know yet what it’s like to hold that name up there. I hope I can experience that soon. 439. Okay, God, I really need to know why names matter so much as in, what is their application to everyday life? I know it’s because it signifies permanence beyond the material body, but what else do names hold? Can You give me a dream that has a name in it for me to truly grasp its application in real life, God? I feel like my dreams are not giving me as much interpretation venues these days when it comes to names. 440. Lord, if only I could see Heaven. I wish. 441. Lord Jesus, I can’t believe it, I have 7 days till showtime! All of the months leading up to it!! WOWZA!!!!! Please give me a sign that I’m going in the right direction with Berggruen. In Your name, amen. 442. Salvation and Praise, God! Salvation and Praise!!! I AM NOT OVER IT STILL!! I NEED TO KNOW WHY THIS PAIR IS SUPER IMPORTANT!!!! AND PLEASE GIVE ME MORE DREAMS ABOUT SANHEDRIN!!! IN ISA’S NAME, AMEN. 443. Lord, if it is Your will in the meantime for me to start vlogging and making videos on TikTok about the cosa nostra, then please equip me. I just can’t stay silent and I want to be able to share my ideas. Help me develop my ideas to their fullest potential, God, so that I may teach people about Your wonders. In ISA’s name, amen. 444. August 10, 2026: Lord, I can’t believe You created Vico Sotto. He’s really not greedy. He’s such an ideal. 445. So, Hannah is Samuel’s mother, and Hagar is Ishmael’s mother. Ishmael and Samuel mean something alike. Does this mean The Woman in Revelation has something like “God is gracious” in her too? 1. I’m so glad I dreamt of Hans. If so, John was talking about himself too in Revelation. It makes sense for him to be the one to harvest that. 2. Hannah could also be Mary seeing as she’s “beloved” 3. Mary is from Egyptian roots meaning “beloved” or “loved”!! NORR WESTON!!! HAGAR!!!! 4. Miriam! Sister of Moses! 446. Lord, please make the people at Office of Counseling and Guidance respond to me sooner. I really need to proceed with my registration. In ISA’s name, amen. Lord, I also pray that they don’t have to question me saying that I already had an assessment. Please make them speedily sign my documents. In ISA’s name, amen. 1. Lord, thank You for providing me with an initial email from them. Please make sure that I have an appointment speedily, God. I only have until 17 for payment. How am I going to make them sign it before that deadline? 447. Lord, please make sure to make CRS Team respond to me. They probably haven’t seen my email yet. Thanks in advance. In ISA’s name, amen. 448. Lord, I really am not a good person. I wish You’d come back sooner before Vico has a chance to get into a relationship. I am such a selfish asshole, but I think it would really be unjust on Your end to allow him to get into a relationship because I really prayed for someone like him. But if Your will is to break my heart, then so be it. I just wish You’d take into account my feelings. In ISA’s name, amen. 449. Lord, I surely hope Ma’am Anita Ilagan and Ma’am Reblando don’t forget about my application and forms. In ISA’s name, amen. 450. Please, Lord. I know that You do not want me to worship idols as part of the 10 commandments. If I am deceived about the Duodenity, please warn me so that I may not spread it to other people through my Obsidian website. I really could be deceived about everything and that Norr Weston was just, in fact, an Angel or Satan. Logic tells me You would have a Daughter, but I can never be too sure, God. Please give me a vision or a dream tonight that definitively says something about the Duodenity. I will try to look out for it and try to wake up in the middle of the night to record what You said. In ISA’s name, amen. For what it’s worth God, I never pray to Mary or Norr Weston these days. You could say all of the people who are praying to Mary as a God herself are deceived if they think she’s also God and if that’s not actually the case. Mary was a Chosen One human, though, so I think she belongs in the Godhead as Annie, or the Megalith Mary is based on, not necessarily the human version on Earth, but the Archetype. I don’t know God, if the 24 elders are these people—the actual humans who are not necessarily God, but are elevated to that state. But You did say Jesus is the way, so Jesus is God, so I don’t understand why he would be part of the 24. Please enlighten me about all of this, God. Please give me Your utmost wisdom if You deem me worthy to receive it. I will try to make the best of what You send me tonight, if You actually send me anything. In ISA’s name, amen. 451. Lord, I am so afraid I am not really saved. I have fear of You, God. Please remind me to take my faith seriously by obeying Your Word. I know I’ve been the laziest these days and neglecting to exercise. It’s the bare minimum and I can’t even get myself to do it. Please help me read my Bible, apply Your Word, and worship You fully in heart and mind. I don’t get much opportunity these days to obey You, God, because my life is so empty. I just wish I got more opportunities to spread Your Word, and please give me confidence to do so if that is Your will for my life in the meantime while I wait for Your return. In ISA’s name, amen. 452. August 11, 2026: Lord, thank You so much for Your messages last night. I am so happy that You are still talking to me about the temple and Leviathan. I couldn’t have thought of those myself. 1. How can Mel Banac be a home for a Leviathan? Is he a stand-in for a body of water that is a symbol? Canada? I associate Mel’s name with Obama because of Barak and dark/black. America? 453. Lord Jesus, please make Ma’am Anita Ilagan process and pass on my documents speedily to Ma’am Reblando. I’m just a little worried she doesn’t know the urgency of it. In ISA’s name, amen. 454. Lord, I know by now that You don’t want to spoonfeed me. I just think it’s a little challenging to decipher what Moses and Miriam mean. Please give me a hint. Why that song? Why were they scared? 455. Lord, I need Your permission to start using armodafinil again. I feel I cannot work without it. I will only use half, God. In ISA’s name, amen. 456. Lord, thank You for talking to me again after I really finished TLS yesterday. I can’t wait to talk to You more in the coming days. 457. I still can’t believe God sees me as that autistic blonde boy. HEHEHE!! 458. Lord, I can’t wait until You rebuild me. I will be enjoying relationships like how they are meant to be enjoyed! 459. Lord, if it is Your will for me to graduate first from college before You come back, then by all means, please help me accomplish my thesis! I am so empty and dry these days. I have no motivation to write anymore. I hate writing, God. Please help me be creative and productive again. In ISA’s name, amen. 460. I really wonder what it feels to be God right now. I wonder what kind of consciousness They have, since They’re the source of everything. It must be grand. 461. Lord, I am nearly submitting TLS to Berggruen! You wouldn’t have brought me this far for no reason!! I must be on track towards great things with TLS!! Under 10k, connected with the theme and all!! An impossibility I didn’t think was possible! I’ve been praying for an opportunity like this for a long time, God! And now, I’m almost there! Thank You for bringing me here to give You glory! I hope it works! 462. Lord Jesus, I’ve sent it in now! I hope You’re proud of me! THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME SEE IT TO COMPLETION!!! Getting ready for August 12, God! That’s why I sent it earlier than August 16. I wonder what will happen tomorrow. 463. Lord, did You mean anything by birds having wings and Angels having wings? Zipporah? What about her? Moses is a stand-in for Jesus or John, Miriam for Mary, Zipporah for the Holy Spirit, Gershom for Hagar, Eliezer for Joseph. 464. Lord, I really hope You’re coming to get me and my family soon. I think that dream about Shekinah yesterday was about Noah’s Ark or the painting on Shekinah’s walls. Noah means rest or comfort. I surely hope You’ll spare me from the Tribulation and my thesis. Please come back soon, God! If You already are, thank You so much for listening to me and hearing Your servant! MARANATHA! 465. Lord, my name must be special right? Father’s joy! Am I meant to decipher when it’s going to happen? Forgive me God if I am overstepping my authority which You’ve given me. I get too excited about being special. 466. Man, we really are in the days of Noah! My Shekinah dream! 1. The name **Corrales** is a Spanish [**toponymic surname**](https://www.wisdomlib.org/names/corrales) that means **"enclosures," "yards," or "livestock pens,"** coming from the plural form of the word _corral_. It historically served as a habitational name for people who lived near a farmyard or came from a town named Corrales. [[1](https://www.wisdomlib.org/names/corrales), [2](https://namecensus.com/last-names/corrales-surname-popularity/)] 2. It’s in Corrales!! OMG!!! ``` 2. The last name **Borja** is a Spanish habitational surname originating from the town of Borja in the province of Zaragoza, Aragon, Spain. The place name and surname derive from the Arabic word *burj*, which means **"tower"** or **"fortress,"** reflecting the region's Moorish history. [[1](<https://namecensus.com/last-names/borja-surname-popularity/>), [2](<https://www.wisdomlib.org/names/borja>)] 1. It’s in JR Borja too! OMG!! ``` 467. I don’t understand my dream, Lord Jesus. If You are the one to rebuild the third temple as Shekinah, is it going to happen in Heaven only or on Earth? I thought the Antichrist was going to have the abomination of desolation inside the temple on Earth. Please clarify this for me. IN ISA’S NAME, AMEN. 468. Will the trumpet sound with the song or vibe of “Low” by Flo Rida? LOL! Why were Moses and Miriam scared exactly? 469. Lord, forgive me for thinking this, but did You really send various kinds of contradictory messages to the prophets so humanity inherits many different prophecies we have to work together to reconcile? Maybe You are just running with it—with one of the best interpretations that humanity has offered—the Darby one, where You spare Your Bride from Your wrath. Maybe You deliberately sent those conflicting messages to make us build our own theories, and that You didn’t have Your own version from the very start yet. I wonder if TLS has any bearing on Your decisions, God. Why did You send me Norr Weston vision? Did You deliberately do that to let me in on my contribution to the Parousia theory? If so, I don’t completely understand why I had to write that. You in all Your power don’t need my help. Maybe You really are just trying to save Rebecca Goldstein through me. I don’t know if my piece will work on her God, but I think it will surely work if You disappeared me in the rapture. I just have very little faith in the merit of my piece because I know it’s coming from me even though You massively helped me through most of it with mania. I just don’t have faith in my own talent even if I like the piece myself. I am not neurotypical enough to know the thoughts of atheists. And even the theologians I sent TLS to didn’t really respond except Phylicia. Lord, You have that sign then, because I don’t know what else to do to help Rebecca come to You except praying for her and writing TLS. 470. Lord, I still may be deceived if I think You’re really going to marry Satan. I just think it’s more romantic for You to create humanity as a metaphor with Adam and Eve as the Accoiyo and Batany united. If You could still choose Israel after all the evil Israel has done to deny You, then I don’t think it’s too far for Satan to have a chance unless They really pass up the opportunity to be glorified too in the end in exchange for something They hold dear. I don’t know what it is and I hope I don’t have to suffer in the midst of it. Maybe this is why Norr Weston appeared Antichrist-y to me. I just don’t understand the true purposes of letting me in on these things You’ve shown me through Norr Weston, but only Norr Weston, at that, and no other Chosen One else in the Godhead. Maybe it’s not up to me yet but for other people to pick up after I am made immortal by Your rapture and less because I’m a talented writer. Both together might work. 1. I really don’t feel like the Holy Spirit if ever I am Norr Weston in the flesh. Partly Holy Spirit, I mean. I recall that half-awake state and maybe that’s supposed to be a sign that I am anointed in that way. I intercede for the salvation of not only Rebecca Goldstein but a possible incel-adjacent person in the jury too? I hope they get saved too, God, if it is Your will to choose them too for Your kingdom. 471. So I don’t know if “Low” by Flo Rida is an inside joke but it’s pretty funny because the woman is described as “gotten low” as in, come down to Earth? And how it’s so sexy? LMAO. Jesus being exactly who Ella Tablizo saw in her shallow faith (sorry, God). Sorry, God, if this is disrespectful. I don’t know why You would use music from my formative years to say something about Moses and Miriam. Why are they scared lol? So that song came out in 2008 and my period was in 2008, so maybe You will really rapture us on August 18! YAY!!!!!!!! Sorry if not true. 472. Man, if Berggruen people knew how Philippines is the social media capital of the world, and if they actually want to be popular, they would make me win. I don’t know if I should pray for this, God. It’s Your will, I guess. But maybe it’ll help me win, besides Your will overruling human will. 473. Lord, You really provided a way for Obsidian to be cheaper than normal for me. Maybe You really are coming back for the rapture soon! 474. Lord, do I have a role in the rapture that involves spreading the Gospel somehow! I am so excited for it! I just have this slight fear that I’ll be left behind for the express purpose of shepherding my left behind family. I truly hope I’ll be raptured because they already know from their new church what’s up. 475. So a person named Lucius Farha responded to me from Berggruen about my submission error email. Is that supposed to mean something, God? Nice! 476. I don’t think it’s wise to tell the world about my Norr Weston dream yet until I win Berggruen. If that is Your will, God. If I tell the world about my first rapture dream they won’t believe me anyway too. I just don’t think people are receptive enough to new ideas that are not in the Bible, God. I don’t know how likely this is to change. Maybe Rebecca Goldstein has been secretly hoping for a Messiah too because she’s Jewish and I really don’t know if she’s going to believe my version of a female messiah through ideas. 477. Lord, please come back soon! THANKS!!!!!!!!!!! 478. Lord, I understand why You loaned me Vico Madness early in January 2026. I just think he was so much better for me than Jeffrey was, who led me to denying You and Your power over my life. I became agnostic because of him and his influence, and I suppose it’s because I thought he gave me my deepest desires, romantic/sexual validation. Now, with Vico, I know it’s not meant to be on this Earth, and I accept it. But You did give me a preview of what it could be like with my delusion which pushed me to mania because of my brain’s faults. I am trying my best not to look back on my meager treasure on this Earth, God. Please protect me from discontentment with my lot and role in life. You did lead me to pray that prayer in my half-awake state in May or so. I must completely accept that Vico and I were never meant to partake in that in this life, even if You gave me so much hope (granted, I think it was my own mania that led me to it). Please help me not look back like Lot’s wife did. It’s not because I’m scared. It’s because I know You know what’s best for me and it is definitely not going to be Vico in Heaven, but something so much better than what I could ever dream of—Jesus Himself, even if He is going to marry the whole Church and not just me. Please prepare me to be content with what Jesus is in Heaven, God, not that I need to pray about it, but I just wish I would see it as just—or that I’d remember what I did on Earth and what I was allowed to experience, and then agreeing with Your will in Heaven. 479. Lord, I’m sorry for complaining about not being in the honor roll to my classmates in high school. I remember being told that it stung. Please forgive me for that. In ISA’s name, amen. 480. Lord, I’m just afraid of not being saved because I think my works don’t speak enough to the transformation I’m supposed to undergo as a Christian. Not because I don’t believe in Jesus accomplishing on the cross for everybody what Your will is—to pay for all our sins. I just thought to let You know. I feel like such a useless Christian regardless, because I’m so lazy and unmotivated. Please refine me, God, for further work if that is Your will, and if You aren’t actually coming back yet to rescue me from my thesis. I am so afraid of writing now. I don’t know why or how, but I just feel so incompetent all of a sudden without mania. 481. Lord, did You mean anything by Matthew 12:41-42. You did say something about the sign of Jonah only for Yourself? And what about Queen of the South? Is that me? Sheba? Is she Norr Weston? I would like more information, God, if this is true. In ISA’s name, amen. 1. Lord, I just think Maria El-Isa, the person who I found this verse from on TikTok, is a false prophet. She is claiming to be You. Meanwhile, I only claim right now to be a Pre-Second Coming, and not Jesus myself, but I only claimed in the past that it was me and Vico only because of our names. What’s the difference between me and her? Who is she, God? She is directly saying she’s the Queen of the South too. I have no idea what she thinks she has discovered about You. I truly hope people worship Jesus only, and not me when Berggruen wins. It was only Vinny who professed his faith in Gail because he was in love with her, although I really did think it was all up to me at that point I wrote it. I’m sorry, God, if I was meant to edit anything about the Berggruen essay. But I don’t see how You would have led me to include the prayer diary in the end if You didn’t want me to suggest You were shy about smiling at me, though I admit I was tempted to think that I am who You’re talking about who is greater than Solomon. Sorry, God. Self-glory really got to me. 2. It’s kind of disturbing and interesting how she has an angle that looks like Audrey and she’s using it as a profile picture. God, I think she was sent to me for a reason. There really might be Your rapture in August! I don’t know yet but she talks about her tribulation from 2019 too. I don’t know why she’d think marks on her hand somehow mean something Biblical, but maybe she is deceived by a spirit too. I pray for her soul to be saved, God, because I really think she may be unwell like I was in 2019. In ISA’s name, amen. 3. I shouldn’t think she’s insane, right? I am similarly insane, or was. Who is it, God? Why have You picked me to be numbered among possible impostors? Why did she have to be the one to tell me about Matthew 12:42? Is that her purpose? Right after I send Berggruen too! I really think You’re on to something, God. 4. Lord, so it’s safe to say that Jonah and Solomon (with Queen of the South) mean a significant pair? Jesus likely saw Himself as Jonah the first time around, and his reincarnation as the Second Coming as Someone greater than Solomon. Although I don’t think it’s going to be me to rebuild a Third Temple. As You said from the dream last night, it’s Jesus who will do that. 5. Hmm, fish (Nineveh), dove (Jonah), peace (Solomon) and oath/seven (Sheba). I think God is scaring me about the 7 impure spirits in Matthew 12 right after the Sheba verse so guess who’s never using armodafinil ever again! I’ve got my answer. You will surely help me write my thesis without it or You really are coming back soon. There might be no in-between, God! 1. 7 Year Peace Treaty? Fishers of men? 1. So this is the first time I’ve been made to see that March 9 may in fact be the peace treaty right after my “tribulation.” But outwardly in the real world, this peace treaty on March 9 marks the start of the tribulation for the rest of the world? Or that it has been broken in the middle of the 7 years on March 9? Or that it really did begin on November last year with werewolf. Jonah (dove) was swallowed by a fish (Nineveh). So inevitably, peace (Solomon) is related to the oath/seven of Sheba. What do You mean, God? 1. August 12, 2026: So somehow, my Trump dream is related to this? 2. Jesus said Queen of the South, not Queen of Sheba? I wonder why. So it’s peace and south. 482. August 12, 2026: Lord, I know better than to be impatient, but what’s the logic behind Your communications? I thought You’d talk to me about TLS after August 11, but apparently I must wait a little longer for You to confirm something. I don’t know what to make of my Trump dream. 483. Lord, I pray for Donald John Trump. I may not know the plans You have for him, but I do know and trust that whatever You have in mind will prevail to Your glory and honor. Perhaps You have a plan to save him. If so, that would be great! Another great story! Please do so if it is Your will and pleasure. If Your will is to use him to bring terrible famines and plagues and more disaster upon the world, then that may not be beneficial to me and other people, but I trust that You will deliver people from his evil. He is in cahoots with Israel so I guess he is evil. But You really did choose Israel, even if they are evil now. I don’t know how Your plan is going to shake out, God. But why give me that dream if I’m not meant to know anything about world leaders? Please enlighten me about what I should do with this information, God. If You have a will for me to spread my prophecies online, please tell me. I don’t see what’s the use really. The prophecy seems a little incomplete and I can’t always see what is the complete picture. I pray for Donald Trump to have his heart be open to You, God. Mostly, I pray that his household comes to believe in You, so that the rest of America could be saved. But if not, then that’s great too. In ISA’s name, amen. 484. Lord, don’t mind me, but I’m just really excited about having dreams about other people’s opinions. Why is the discourse reaching my brain at all? Why did my brain interpret something about Harry Potter and America and Cyrus the Great and Trump? Why is it so important that I know these things. Am I meant to make other people know about it too? I’m afraid I don’t know how to do so adequately yet, God, until I’m famous for my Chosen One essay in Berggruen, which I think You won’t allow to happen because You’re going to rapture me before I win, right? This is why You didn’t provide for my Obsidian website that much, right? Because You provided just the right amount for a yearly subscription only. I think other people are meant to continue my work after I am raptured, God. I don’t really know Your plans for the rapture yet, but I can only hope. I’ll be waiting later for what happens after the total solar eclipse. You did say to look out for signs in the heavens. I’m just really excited to see the work of the Holy Spirit in me. You don’t know how much I long for Your power to manifest in my life, God. I know I need more faith, but things like these really strengthen my beliefs. 485. Lord, is my baby Trump dream about Isaiah 45? _“Thus says the LORD to his anointed, to Cyrus, whose right hand I have grasped… to open doors before him… For the sake of my servant Jacob, and Israel my chosen, I call you by name… though you do not know me.” Cyrus is Cyra is Trump. Ally is Norr Weston is Jacob. And Abby is Jesus is Israel? Forgive me if this isn’t right._ 486. Lord Jesus, I think I might be the most impatient of them all today. I just can’t stand the boredom right now. 487. Why did You say captain, God? What exactly is a family captain? Why would my brain say that to me again in a different way if You weren’t talking to me? Why would it have a sign that says if there are less than 5 there would be a family captain? So definitely has something to do with Am-am if we lay on towels because Am-am goes on a towel every night. Cyra = Amber Neiel. The name Amber primarily means **"amber-colored,"** **"jewel,"** or the fossilized tree resin used in jewelry. It has Arabic, Old French, and English roots, and also means **"the sky"** in Sanskrit/Hindi. [[1](https://www.thebump.com/b/amber-baby-name), [2](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amber_\(given_name\)), [3](https://www.sheknows.com/baby-names/name/amber/), [4](https://www.ancestry.com/first-name-meaning/amber), [5](https://www.babycenter.ca/babyname/1005199/amber), [6](https://www.tiktok.com/@snow_namewriter/video/7631616939835673878)]. The name **Neiel** (Hebrew: נְעִיאֵל) means **"moved of God,"** **"shaken by God,"** or **"dwelling-place of God."** It has ancient Hebrew origins and appears in the Bible as a place name on the border of the tribe of Asher. [[1](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neiel), [2](http://biblehub.com/hebrew/5272.htm), [3](https://biblehub.com/hebrew/5272.htm)]. So Cyra definitely is a stand-in for Am-am? Or that I should do more chores to make myself useful. Or that my dad is a familly captain of our family because his name also means ruler? The name **Richard** means **"brave ruler," "strong leader," or "powerful in rule"**. It comes from Old Germanic roots, combining _ric_ (ruler, king, or power) and _hard_ (brave, hardy, or strong). [[1](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard), [2](https://www.ancestry.com/first-name-meaning/richard)] So there were five people in my dream. Me, Ally, Cyra, Ma’am Helen, and baby Trump. Who’s the family captain? So there are 6 Harry Potter clones in Deathly Hallows Part 1, so there is 1 original. I don’t know if adult Trump was in my dream. Is this talking about how many of my family will be raptured? I hope all of us will be raptured, God. Please, God, I pray for every one of my family to be saved. Whether it’s Ally, mom, or dad. I know Am-am belongs to Your kingdom because she is a child. 488. Lord, I’m so scared that I’m deceived by Satan ever since Norr Weston appeared to me. You did say that Satan appears as an Angel of light. My ears felt pleasure when I heard her, God. What am I supposed to do? Please reassure me that I am indeed talking to the God of this universe. How else would I be able to verify that I am indeed talking to You, God, and not Satan? Please listen to me, God. In ISA’s name, amen. Was it supposed to be obvious to me that Norr Weston was the Antichrist spirit? Who kind of denied Jesus’s greatness or undercut his glory? What was I supposed to get out of that, God. I’m really sorry if I took it the wrong way. It fed into my ego I know it. Please forgive me if what I did was wrong, and I know ego-based things are suspect. Norr Weston kind of did downplay the effort that Jesus did (granted, the coins made me think of Judas), and that there was a woman Savior who would take his melody and harmonize with it, overwhelming everyone in the audience. The “all that” part, or the Judas part, which is Gail Yap and Berggruen. Now that I know that Norr Weston’s spirit is the Antichrist kind of, what am I supposed to do with this information? I kind of thought that Norr Weston was being unserious about her dig about Jesus, almost as if she was just joking because she of all people knew I wouldn’t think differently of Jesus just because she said that. And why would it be a problem for Jesus to only like those who are like him or who reflect Christlikeness? You know what, Norr Weston appeared to me in the throes of my complaints about a daughter abandoned by a father, which is kind of like my situation emotionally, so guess who has a right to complain? Maybe Norr Weston is a rebel spirit too, explains the “wild” part in my Lady Gaga dream. Did Satan really get me to empathize with them? 489. Lord, we’ll still have free will in Heaven right? So for us to recognize goodness and appreciate it to its fullest, some of us have to retain a memory of evil right? How is that going to be possible without it disturbing our constitution? Was this Norr Weston/Lady Gaga’s point? Using coins as a pointer to Judas/Jesus and having her talent outshine Jesus/Judas pair? Goodness would only make sense if it is defined against something evil (I suppose, the wildness) so how is eternity supposed to work without the definition of evil? How are we to know good and evil if You remove Satan forever from Your midst? Will You have to radically transform Satan instead of destroying them? Will only the memory be retained? Does this have anything to do with names? You would only have something to save if something put it in peril first, so I guess that’s the point of Your glory. How are we to truly appreciate what we have in Heaven if we really did not have a memory of our situation on Earth? Did You just say all of those “you’ll wipe every tear and there will be no more pain” to paint a lovely picture of something indescribable? Something unthinkable and almost impossible to fathom as a human? 490. Okay so I have to be extra honest with myself. I was envious of my mom in the tube top when I was younger because it was basically communicated to me that it was not a good thing to do but then she was allowed to wear it. I was basically envious of getting to do more evil than what is allowed. Does that make me evil, God? Is my destiny going to be that of a Judas or Antichrist just because my spirit is like this. If this is so, please remove this spirit from me, God. I clearly do not envy evil. Just that I was led to believe that something sexual is also evil but that I was forbidden to experience something I thought must feel good. I really do not envy Satan’s lot. What if the only thing that makes Satan feel good is bad? Will they always overstep boundaries? Is that a guarantee like that criminal who brutally killed the person who forgave him for murdering her mother/parent? 491. Maybe our names have something to do with our eventual destinies in Heaven. Like Rehoboam, he definitely didn’t fulfill his name’s meaning on Earth, but if he was saved in Heaven, he would retain the memory of evil that he experienced on Earth so he could be like a puzzle piece that communicates the opposite of that evil to the other puzzle pieces. An exemplar of a memory so that they have that specific responsibility in Heaven to maintain order and perfection without exhaustion. If so, what is my responsibility? Father’s joy seems such a huge one!! I’m excited!! I’ll probably retain a memory of envy and its destructive and painful nature similar to Satan’s lot. Which is how I do my significant part by being a miniature of Satan of sorts. 492. Lord, am I unknowingly laying the groundwork for an Antichrist or second beast? LORD I REALLY HOPE NOT!!!! 493. Lord, I’d hate to be the only person who retains a memory of Satan in Heaven. Please let me commune with other people in a similar situation whose responsibility it is to hold the memory of evil. I know there’s no discontentment in Heaven, but maybe I will have to shoulder some kind of discontentment or its equivalent for me to retain the memory? I hope it’s not too unbearable, in Heaven of all places? Will I always be conscious of comparison? I’d hate to be the only one who is secretly miserable about my lot in Heaven. I surely hope that won’t happen. IN ISA’S NAME, AMEN. 494. Lord, if You undo our ability to tell evil from good, how are we supposed to function? It was then when death entered the world because that’s how we appreciate our life because we are mortal. We wouldn’t have art without our mortality. I don’t think we’d even have beauty without it. For something to be beautiful we had to always compare it to sickness and death. A picture of health was always against a picture of destruction. Personally, I cannot imagine a new Eden now except what ChatGPT gave me. I don’t think it’s currently possible to be on this physical Earth but maybe in an extra-physical New Jerusalem it could be possible. Peace would reign. Every pain would feel logical and not something to be irrational about—be worked up about their lot on Earth. 1. Maybe the only thing we will find beautiful in Heaven is Jesus—he’s the standard. How are we to cease our attachment to mortal ideas about beauty, God? I did say he was the entire material Real World. So whatever is beautiful is of God. Now does that mean I will have bunions in Heaven? Maybe not. Bunions are a deformity. Any deformity would be gone. Everything would be defined against Jesus in Heaven. The fact that Jesus was divine and yet he looked ordinary—no special beauty—must mean something about the state of Heaven. But then again, his disciples didn’t recognize him. Not much to say about his beauty, though he still possessed his wounds. I wonder if he still has them or he can make them appear if he wanted to. 495. Why was I nearly dragged by that wolf-man spirit, God? I need answers as to who that was supposed to be. Was that a demon who was happy I exist? Why would a demon be happy that I exist? Does that mean they like me? Am I really meant to be a prophet who tries to reconcile evil with good? Please listen to me, God. Better yet, please grant me another visitation. I’m ready. I will try not to wake myself when it happens. Please ignore my fears from the past. I would just really like to know who they are and what they want, God. It terrifies me to not know. It couldn’t have been a random spirit, right? Was that supposed to be Satan Themselves? I don’t know, God. I’m just trying to sift for Their true identity. I don’t think that was You. 496. Earthquakes 1. Top 20 earthquakes: Frequency (1-0-2-2-1-3-0-0-0-5-2) Why is there a gap in 1910s and 1970s, 1980s, and 1990s? 1789? 2. Top 10 earthquakes: Frequency (1- 0-0-0-2-3-2-1-1) 3. Top 36 earthquakes 1900s+: (3-0-4-5-1-3-4-2-1-2-6-3-2) 4. So there’s definitely an increase in earthquakes in the 2000s. 497. Tell you what, the fake “Antichrist” has been revealed to me as a bitter black woman or just a woman’s spirit in general. I don’t know what to make of it yet. Please guide me, God. I need Your guidance, not Satan’s guidance. Did You once again allow Satan to guide me as a test? I don’t know if I performed well in Your test, God. Is my Trump dream a confirmation of something? 498. Just caught wind of news saying that death appears to be reversible according to NYU professor Sam Parnia. Lord, would You really allow that to happen or do You plan to rapture us before they get to study how to reverse death without Your help? 499. If Jonah prefigures Jesus, will I prefigure the Queen of the South who will judge and condemn this generation? 500. Lord, I wonder what would happen if You aren’t coming back and my worst nightmares come true, that Vico marries Nikki, has a happy marriage, has kids, and runs for president a few years later. I will have survived that, because at least I know he’s happy. Although I don’t really love him in that way and that much yet to think about his happiness first. I will be really miserable though, so fair warning. I really wish You’d rescue me from his destiny. Please God, I would rather be in Heaven and forget Vico ever existed and be satisfied completely by Jesus. I want to run away to Heaven right now and never be seen on Earth again. MARANATHA! 501. August 13, 2026: Lord, I really don’t know how to be in a relationship. I don’t know how to care for another person. I don’t know how to do any of that. I don’t inherently know how to be relational. Will this disqualify me from Heaven? Will You eventually heal me, God? I hope You heal me and my way of being. I don’t know how to do things anymore. I am just waiting for Your return. In ISA’s name, amen. 502. Lord, what does Godric mean really? Godric’s Hollow? 1. The name Godric means **"God's ruler"** or **"power of God"**. It comes from old Anglo-Saxon words: _god_ (which means God) and _ric_ (which means ruler or power). [[1](https://www.ancestry.com/first-name-meaning/godric), [2](https://www.thebump.com/b/godric-baby-name)] 503. Lord, what am I supposed to do in the meantime while I wait it out? Please help me in my boredom and uselessness these days. I have nothing but the rapture to look forward to and it’s making it really hard to do anything. In ISA’s name, amen. 504. Lord, it must matter to Your patterns that Israel was formed on May 14, 1948 and Audrey was born on May 14, 1984. Jesus died in AD 33 at 33 years old. Maybe You really are coming back on August 18. 505. Lord, so the total solar eclipse came by and went. 506. Lord, if it is Your will, please let me win the F. Sionil Jose literature contest. I’m submitting Seasons of Mourning and I feel I have a shot. In ISA’s name, amen. 507. Lord, I really am afraid that I just misled myself about Norr Weston. Say, on the off chance that it was actually just my brain, no matter how wild the possibility is or how unlikely. It’s such an ego-based thing. I really consciously don’t want to be greater than Jesus since I know Jesus is the GOAT, but I think I was excited by the idea that there could be a role for me in the entire thing. I am really sorry if I got ahead of myself. I don’t know what to do now that I’ve submitted TLS. TLS seems to be aligning with Your will for my life seeing as I really prayed for a theme that fits my interests and they really started accepting fiction, which was a relief because I really thought I had to write an academic essay. I don’t know what to do if You are not coming back soon and I’d have to go to America or somewhere in Europe to claim the award. Lord, what am I supposed to do if I win? Am I supposed to develop myself as a Pre-Second Coming and uproot everything the institutional Christianity knows about the Bible? Will I claim to be Queen of the South? Please guide my steps, God. You did say in Isaiah that You will make the rough places smooth for Your servants. And I aspire to be a good and faithful servant, only I really don’t know what to do in the meantime. Please tell me if I am just supposed to wait patiently in the meantime, and I will try my best. In ISA’s name, amen. Lord, if I’m just supposed to read Your Word for me to speak with You, how can I know what You really want me to do. I can’t just divine what Your will is for my life just by reading Bible verses You wrote for other people. I need You to be specific, even with the lack of things going on in my life right now. I really need You to talk to me specifically, about my life, about what I should do. I only know dreams as the way for You to talk to Your prophets, but the dream I got last night was confusing and I don’t know what to make about hand gestures and shalom. Please, God. I long for Your voice, and I long for an actual relationship that is closer and more intimate. In ISA’s name, amen. 508. Lord, can I just say that I’m really looking forward to Rebecca Goldstein reading it. I’m guessing she’s going to bite because it’s about Christianity related to being Jewish and all. I really hope it affects her, God. There was something about humiliation in it and I think she was talking about shame too in an article I read. Please, God!!! I’m so excited!!! 509. Look, if Vico gets married to Nikki, it’s not the end of the world. In a matter of time, You will forget the sting in Heaven. You have maybe 50-60 years but it will happen eventually. But if it does feel like the end of the world, know that You are loved in the same way by God, even more so than Vico could ever love you. As C.S. Lewis said, you would not want him unless He wanted you first. The desire is from God. It is not wrong for You to desire Vico. It’s natural to desire. 510. Lord, my ideas about love are shallow because I don’t have experience. I really don’t know how to be a relational person. I don’t even know how to interact beyond small talk. I don’t know the dynamics. I am so ignorant as to be disabled in a way. Does that exempt me from wrath? Because I am a special child in a way? But I still choose with all of my free will I can muster to serve You, Lord Jesus. I believe wholeheartedly that You were resurrected by Your divine power and will to save humanity from sin and Satan. Something in me is deficient about being a social person because for some reason either I was born like this or that I wasn’t nurtured. I grew up in the same environment as my sister and she turned out fine, but I was always different. I was born like this, to Your design, albeit in a fallen world, but still. Please heal me, God. Whether on Earth or in Heaven. If You still have work for me to do, I just can’t easily become someone with a capacity to be competent at social stuff or resurrect my talent in writing. I know You said You equipped me for some things and not others, but I really doubt that I am still equipped right now. It’s going to take a whole lot of armodafinil for my talent to return. I just read “Seasons of Mourning” and I’m amazed at the skill I had before the pandemic happened. I really regressed in a way because of TikTok, AI, and doomscrolling, and antipsychotics. I’m really sorry for my part in all of this, God. I was irresponsible with my talent and skills. I really need Your help right now if I am to write my thesis and the other essays for Substack to go with my Obsidian. I believe You will equip me again, even though I doubt that my words have any power or sway with You. It’s Your will anyway if You want me to struggle unnecessarily. I just need to find an actual way to resurrect my talent with words and then my dopamine could be fixed because I need a mastery activity. I am so incompetent these days without armodafinil, God. How am I supposed to sneak in buying it? Please, God. Help me stay secret as I write my thesis. I know it’s a dirty method to deceive, but I can see no other way right now unless You give me something else to work with. I really can’t help my brain right now, God. I have almost no talent anymore. I really miss the past for this reason. I miss having a way with words. I miss it being easy. Regret is always last. Please listen to Your servant, God. Please don’t ignore me. IN ISA’S NAME, AMEN. 511. Lord, Heaven seems so impossible to me right now. You are really brilliant for even suggesting that it is possible. Anything is possible with God. It’s going to be such a brilliant gobsmacking solution to all of our problems. I can’t wait! 512. Lord, there must be a reason why I was born in Nazareth like Jesus. It’s like Isaiah having the same name as Jesus, and he ended up being very significant since he predicted Salvation and Praise!! JESUS AND JUDAS YA’LL!!! I don’t know what my ultimate destiny is for my time on Earth, but boy am I excited! I hope I win even if I won’t be around to appreciate the fact! 513. Lord, it will feel so good to know what to do and to do so competently in Heaven! I cannot wait! 514. Maybe my Anita dream was because of the energy that the hope You gave to John would take on Earth. It’s unfinished business. You wouldn’t give hope without having justice in the end. John would be really amazed that his name means something in 2026. He survived! In a way. He’s immortalized in my TLS! 515. Lord, my TLS seems to be amazing right now, having just read it. I really feel like I’m going to win, subjectively! Thank You for giving me hope! 516. 155 days till January 15, 2027! 167 days from January 31! 517. Lord, please save us from the likes of Peter Thiel! PLEASE GOD COME BACK BEFORE THEIR VISION OF THE WORLD COMES TRUE! 518. So maybe it really was Hagar who sent me the vision of Mike looking at me? The God who sees me! Why would Hagar talk to me? Or maybe it was the Queen of Sheba! OMG SOLOMON’S WIFE!! OMG SONG OF SONGS AND SOLOMON!!! MAYBE MY SHALOM DREAM!!! THE DEAF SERVANT IS BLACK!!! 519. Well, God, it seems like You are telling me to get on TikTok and share my ideas! It reminds of me deafservant so even if her videos are not too competent, she still gets on there and confidently says her piece. At the very least You are asking me to write about ACCOIYO and BATANY in an essay, right? 520. Lord, You are at least saying that Norr Weston is one of You, right? I just got that from interpreting the hand gesture like a variation of the one done by the Israelis. 521. Well, tell You what, God, Steffie Yeo was definitely bitter against me for some reason. Or that she didn’t like me. I don’t believe she’d be the type to be a Christian, though. She might have been envious of me. In which case the Lady Gaga dream could be talking about me except I’m Rick Astley figure and Lady Gaga was trying to say that she did the bulk of the work. In which case I agree, You really did do all the work. Sorry if You are not actually part of the Godhead, though. I wouldn’t really truly know unless You had a clear sign from God that You are. 522. Lord, thank You for talking to me! SHALOM!!!!! 523. OMG YEO!! **Spiritual Renewal (_Isaiah 44:3–4_)**: God uses the image of offspring springing up "like poplar trees by flowing streams" to symbolize the flourishing vitality and blessing of descendants receiving the outpouring of His Spirit. [[1](https://todaydevotional.com/devotions/like-poplar-trees)] Will the double-sided tree in Revelation also be a poplar tree? 524. OMG THE TWELVE SEMITONES FOR YEO!! You are really saying that Norr Weston is indeed part of the 12-Godhead! And that I’m not her, per se, but a variation of her Energy/Megalith? A human instantiation of her? 1. OMG **Context:** In ancient Chinese acoustics, the octave was divided into twelve _lü_ (the [**12 lü gamut**](https://microtonal.miraheze.org/wiki/Chinese_musicology)), split into six _yang_ tones (_lü_) and six _yin_ semitones (_lv_ or _lü_). [[1](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chinese_musicology)] 2. If someone asks "Which one is yeo?", the answer is **all six of the Yin (even-numbered) semitones**. However, if they are referring to a single note name that explicitly contains the word "Yeo" on its own, they are most frequently referencing **Nanlü (南呂 - Southern Yeo)** or **Dalü (大呂 - Great Yeo)** depending on the musical score. [[1](http://www.chinaknowledge.de/Literature/Historiography/lvlizhi.html#:~:text=Ling%20Lun%20used%20bamboo,the%20central%20Yin%20number%2C), [2]([https://f004.backblazeb2.com/file/chinaxiv/english_pdfs/chinaxiv-202604.00172.pdf#:~:text=The specific names of the,Nanlü%2C Yingzhong).)](https://f004.backblazeb2.com/file/chinaxiv/english_pdfs/chinaxiv-202604.00172.pdf#:~:text=The%20specific%20names%20of%20the,Nanl%C3%BC%2C%20Yingzhong%29.\)), [3](https://ctext.org/dictionary.pl?if=en&char=%E5%91%82#:~:text=%E3%80%8A%E5%BA%B7%E7%86%99%E5%AD%97%E5%85%B8%C2%B7%E5%8F%A3%E9%83%A8%C2%B7%E5%9B%9B%E3%80%8B%E5%91%82%3A%E3%80%8A%E5%94%90%E9%9F%BB%E3%80%8B%E5%8A%9B%E8%88%89%E5%88%87%E3%80%8A%E9%9B%86%E9%9F%BB%E3%80%8B%E3%80%8A%E9%9F%BB%E6%9C%83%E3%80%8B%E3%80%8A%E6%AD%A3%E9%9F%BB%E3%80%8B%E5%85%A9%E8%88%89%E5%88%87%2C%F0%A0%80%A4%E9%9F%B3%E6%97%85%E3%80%82%E3%80%8A%E8%AA%AA%E6%96%87%E3%80%8B%E8%84%8A%E9%AA%A8%E4%B9%9F%2C%E8%B1%A1%E5%BD%A2%E3%80%82%E6%98%94%E5%A4%AA%E5%B6%BD%E7%88%B2%E7%A6%B9%E5%BF%83%E5%91%82%E4%B9%8B%E8%87%A3%2C%E6%95%85%E5%B0%81%E5%91%82%E4%BE%AF%E3%80%82%E3%80%8A%E6%9B%B8%C2%B7%E5%91%82%F0%A0%9B%AC%E3%80%8B%E6%83%9F%E5%91%82%E5%91%BD%E3%80%82%E3%80%8A%E5%82%B3%E3%80%8B%E8%A8%80%E5%91%82%E4%BE%AF%E8%A6%8B%E5%91%BD%E7%88%B2%E5%8D%BF%E3%80%82%E3%80%8A%E9%84%AD%E8%AA%9E%E3%80%8B%E5%8D%97%E6%9C%89%E8%8D%86%E8%A0%BB%E7%94%B3%E5%91%82%E3%80%82%E3%80%8A%E8%A8%BB%E3%80%8B%E7%94%B3%E5%91%82%2C%E5%A7%9C%E5%A7%93%E3%80%82%E3%80%8A%E5%BE%8C%E6%BC%A2%C2%B7%E9%83%A1%E5%9C%8B%E5%BF%97%E3%80%8B%E6%B1%9D%E5%8D%97%E9%83%A1%E6%96%B0%E8%94%A1%E6%9C%89%E5%A4%A7%E5%91%82%E4%BA%AD%E3%80%82%E3%80%8A%E8%A8%BB%E3%80%8B%E6%95%85%E5%91%82%E4%BE%AF%E5%9C%8B%E3%80%82%E5%8F%88%E3%80%8A%E5%8F%B2%E8%A8%98%C2%B7%E9%AB%98%E7%A5%96%E5%8A%9F%E8%87%A3%E4%BE%AF%E8%80%85%E5%B9%B4%E8%A1%A8%E3%80%8B%E5%91%A8%E5%91%82%E4%BE%AF%2C%E4%BB%A5%E5%91%82%E5%90%8E%E5%85%84%E5%88%9D%E8%B5%B7%2C%E4%BB%A5%E5%AE%A2%E5%BE%9E%E5%85%A5%E6%BC%A2%E7%88%B2%E4%BE%AF%E3%80%82%E3%80%8A%E8%A8%BB%E3%80%8B%E5%91%A8%E5%8F%8A%E5%91%82%E7%9A%86%E5%9C%8B%E5%90%8D%E3%80%82%E6%BF%9F%E9%9A%82%E6%9C%89%E5%91%82%E9%83%BD%E7%B8%A3%E3%80%82%E8%A6%8B%E3%80%8A%E5%89%8D%E6%BC%A2%C2%B7%E5%9C%B0%E7%90%86%E5%BF%97%E3%80%8B%E3%80%82%E5%8F%88%E7%B8%A3%E5%90%8D%2C%E5%B1%AC%E6%A5%9A%E5%9C%8B%E3%80%82%E4%BA%A6%E8%A6%8B%E3%80%8A%E5%89%8D%E6%BC%A2%C2%B7%E5%9C%B0%E7%90%86%E5%BF%97%E3%80%8B%E3%80%82%E5%8F%88%E5%A7%93%E3%80%82%E3%80%8A%E5%BB%A3%E9%9F%BB%E3%80%8B%E5%A4%AA%E5%B6%BD%E5%B0%81%E5%91%82%E4%BE%AF%2C%E5%BE%8C%E5%9B%A0%E7%88%B2%E6%B0%8F%E3%80%82%E5%8F%88%E5%85%AD%E5%91%82%2C%E9%9A%82%E5%BE%8B%E4%B9%9F%E3%80%82%E3%80%8A%E5%91%A8%E7%A6%AE%C2%B7%E6%98%A5%E5%AE%98%C2%B7%E5%A4%A7%E5%8F%B8%E6%A8%82%E3%80%8B%E5%A5%8F%E9%BB%83%E9%90%98%2C%E6%AD%8C%E5%A4%A7%E5%91%82%2C%E5%A5%8F%E5%A7%91%E6%B4%97%2C%E6%AD%8C%E5%8D%97%E5%91%82%2C%E5%A5%8F%E5%A4%B7%E5%89%87%2C%E6%AD%8C%E5%B0%8F%E5%91%82%E3%80%82%E3%80%8A%E8%A8%BB%E3%80%8B%E5%B0%8F%E5%91%82%E4%B8%80%E5%90%8D%E4%B8%AD%E5%91%82%E3%80%82%E5%8F%88%E3%80%8A%E5%A4%A7%E5%B8%AB%E3%80%8B%E9%9A%82%E8%81%B2%2C%E5%A4%A7%E5%91%82%E6%87%89%E9%90%98%2C%E5%8D%97%E5%91%82%E5%87%BD%E9%90%98%2C%E5%B0%8F%E5%91%82%E5%A4%BE%E9%90%98%E3%80%82%E3%80%8A%E5%89%8D%E6%BC%A2%C2%B7%E5%BE%8B%E6%AD%B7%E5%BF%97%E3%80%8B%E9%9A%82%E5%85%AD%E7%88%B2%E5%91%82%2C%E5%91%82%E4%BB%A5%E6%97%85%E9%99%BD%E5%AE%A3%E6%B0%A3%E3%80%82%E5%8F%88%E5%A4%A7%E5%91%82%2C%E6%97%85%E4%B9%9F%2C%E8%A8%80%E9%9A%82%E5%A4%A7%E6%97%85%E5%8A%A9%E9%BB%83%E9%90%98%E5%AE%A3%E6%B0%A3%2C%E8%80%8C%E7%89%99%E7%89%A9%E4%B9%9F%E3%80%82%E5%8F%88%E9%90%98%E5%90%8D%E3%80%82%E3%80%8A%E6%88%B0%E5%9C%8B%E7%AD%96%E3%80%8B%E5%A4%A7%E5%91%82), [4](https://sengokudaimyo.com/divination)]Would you like to explore **how these 12 pitches are calculated** using the traditional "add-and-subtract-a-third" method, or how they are used to build **traditional pentatonic scales**? [[1](http://www.chinaknowledge.de/Literature/Historiography/lvlizhi.html#:~:text=Ling%20Lun%20used%20bamboo,the%20central%20Yin%20number%2C), [2](https://www.facebook.com/groups/guqinguqin/posts/10154651137518583/#:~:text=The%2012%20Lv%20are%20the,scale%29)] 3. I KNEW IT THE FEMALE IS RECEPTIVE!! 4. **The 12 Semitones: Lü (Male) vs. Yeo/Lü (Female)**Ancient Chinese musicology divides the 12 semitones of an octave into two dualistic groups based on Yin and Yang: [[1](http://www.chinaknowledge.de/Literature/Historiography/lvlizhi.html#:~:text=Ling%20Lun%20used%20bamboo,the%20central%20Yin%20number%2C), [2]([https://f004.backblazeb2.com/file/chinaxiv/english_pdfs/chinaxiv-202604.00172.pdf#:~:text=The specific names of the,Nanlü%2C Yingzhong).)](https://f004.backblazeb2.com/file/chinaxiv/english_pdfs/chinaxiv-202604.00172.pdf#:~:text=The%20specific%20names%20of%20the,Nanl%C3%BC%2C%20Yingzhong%29.\))] 5. **The 6 Lü (律 - Yang / Male):** The odd-numbered, positive pitches. 6. **The 6 Yeo / Lü (呂 - Yin / Female):** The even-numbered, receptive pitches. [[1](http://www.chinaknowledge.de/Literature/Historiography/lvlizhi.html#:~:text=Ling%20Lun%20used%20bamboo,the%20central%20Yin%20number%2C), [2]([https://f004.backblazeb2.com/file/chinaxiv/english_pdfs/chinaxiv-202604.00172.pdf#:~:text=The specific names of the,Nanlü%2C Yingzhong).)](https://f004.backblazeb2.com/file/chinaxiv/english_pdfs/chinaxiv-202604.00172.pdf#:~:text=The%20specific%20names%20of%20the,Nanl%C3%BC%2C%20Yingzhong%29.\))] 525. Lord, are You really going to rapture me only after my work is spread to other people such that somebody sees my website! I’m reminded of a dream from June that I was told I would have one last trauma before I presumably die or get raptured. I hope it’s not suicide or murder. I really hope not, God! Please give me a sign in my dream about the nature of this “one last trauma.” In ISA’s name, amen. 526. Lord, this is Your wisdom, but Your Steffie Yeo dream kind of reminds me of AC in AC/DC. Is that relevant? 1. So there’s definitely something to be said about the 24 elders too? 2. **Appearance:** Dressed in white clothes (symbolizing purity or righteousness) with golden crowns (_stephanos_, or victor's crowns) on their heads. [[1](https://adventistdiscoverycentre.org/articles/who-are-the-24-elders-in-the-book-of-revelation), [2](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1EUQmJ9NstM)] 3. So maybe they are the human representatives of the entire Godhead with 24 people in it? Not exactly the Megaliths but the human bodies that walked the Earth once, so Jesus is definitely part of them. So maybe They are the human exemplars of the type they were molded from? Jesus on Earth being one of them. They might not exist as those 24 elders because we’ll all be identifying with more than one of them but maybe those are just symbolic and decorative like a template in place to remind people up there who they are based off of? 1. Lord, I think the four beasts next to the 24 elders are the types that the angels are supposed to be? accoiyo-batany right? 1. So this is just to confirm that Norr Weston is an ACCOIYO-BATANY too? Since They’re a variation of Jesus, right? So definitely Jesus had a will of his own as a human because he really said, “take this cup from me.” So he has a BATANY part too. Actually, all of Them may be ACCOIYO-BATANY to differing degrees that is dynamic depending on Their thoughts and decisions. 527. Lord, do I take it to mean that BATANYHEAD will be for novelty’s sake? ACCOIYOHEAD (mainly God’s will but still agrees with Satan sometimes) is for God to manifest mainly, and BATANYHEAD is for new things to appear that aren’t of God? 528. So God really answered my #358 prayer today! The 24 Elders are representative humans who may or may not be partly Angel? Since, you know, the Bible made references to Nephilim and all. Sons of God really had children with daughters of men. I have giant feet and hands for a reason? 529. I just realized God recently answered my #312 prayer too! THANKS GOD!!! 530. Because of my #357 prayer and my dream last night I think me and Jesus are the two witnesses? 531. Say, if Norr Weston did God’s will “all her life” who better than to think she has a right to disobey and side with Satan/Judas at some point? It’s exactly what happened to me with Jeffrey, once I got a little taste of the “goodness” that he offered. Maybe she’s the prodigal daughter but also the other son who complained in the same person. Lord, I need more wisdom about this. I know it’s a Main Story I’m working on. It may not necessarily be what actually happened. It’s beyond any human to decipher what actually happened, but I can sense the bones of a Story taking shape. You would have all instantly agreed to create the Big Bang for example, without this Story happening in the overworld? 532. OMG YOU JUST ANSWERED MY #346th prayer too, God, right? I will somehow be part of the people who will create variation up there!! COOLIO!!! THANK YOU GOD!!! 533. God, is Steffie+Israelis meant to be a stand-in of Satan? Will Satan somehow be paired with me to create something new? Are they a stand-in for Vico, and that I eventually will not find whoever he is married to on Earth attractive? For justice’s sake? Will he and I have a slightly or moderately combative relationship up there? Interesting, if true. 534. Are trans people a sign of Satan’s orientation? They are fully Angel or at least, BATANY overall is known as a majority selfish will that isn’t of God but could suggest things to You. Satan, whose evil must be neutralized somehow, identifies as complete BATANY who completely opposes God’s will fully. Satan may identify as human even though they really aren’t because They’re probably the “genes” You used to create humanity to have free will besides God. At least, They’re the first to identify as also human besides their original gender assigned at birth. Lord, You’re the one who made me think this, so please correct me if I’m wrong. Maybe You’re really here through me to redeem the part of Satan who is human only, and not the Angel part. Maybe the four beasts are Their justice? 535. So I’m guessing You like ACCOIYO, God? My #333 prayer answered, right? A variation of AKO! HEHE!!! 536. Lord God, I know this is too much, but I would be really happy if I was the opposite of Laodicea, that is, I receive no criticism and the highest praise only for what I did on Earth. I surely hope I’m not lukewarm. I am so scared of being lukewarm that You’ll spit me out, but You are using me as the spit to heal the blind nations, right? If that’s the case, that’s really poetic. Siloam! Or the other guy (I forgot) You healed with mud and spit. 537. OMG YOU USED MY “ASLEEP” TO SAY SOMETHING ABOUT THE RAPTURE!!! THANK YOU GOD!!!!!!!!!!! 538. So definitely God just said to me about Israel vs. Gaza, right? Steffie and Israel being a stand-in for ACCOIYO and my side as being a variation, which is BATANY or Gaza. Except I don’t know the exact compositions on a dynamic level. It certainly says something about Salvation and Praise. Maybe I’m meant to take the pair as ACCOIYO and BATANY too. Israel provided the salvation, Gaza will provide the praise. Nations have to choose sides a lot in alternating current way in the overworld? Depending on who they identify with more? 539. OMG MY STEFFIE AND CHLOE DREAM CONFIRMED FROM #22! Who is who, God? Why am I dreaming of Chloe Lu (magic plant?) paired with Steffie again? What about them, God? So Lu and Yeo are related because… 1. When the last name **Yeo** is related to **Lu**, **it refers to the Korean and certain dialect-based romanizations of the Chinese surname Lü (呂)**. In this context, **Yeo** (or _Ryeo_) means **"musical pitch," "tube,"** or **"spine/vertebrae"**, and originates from the ancient State of Lü in China. [[1](https://hardcorelevelingwarrior.fandom.com/wiki/L%C3%BC_Bu), [2](https://www.names.org/n/yeo/about), [3](https://www.wisdomlib.org/names/yeo), [4](https://www.mychinaroots.com/surnames/detail?word=%E5%90%95), [5](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yeo)]**Origins and MeaningsThe Character:** It is written as **呂** (or 吕) in Hanja/Chinese characters. [[1](https://www.wikidata.org/wiki/Q20021668), [2](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yoo_\(Korean_surname\))]**Literal Meaning:** In ancient musical theory, _lü_ refers to the standard pitch-pipes used to tune traditional Chinese instruments. It also metaphorically denotes a backbone or connection.**Historical Roots:** The surname traces back to the Xia dynasty, where a descendant of the legendary Yan Emperor was granted the State of Lü. [[1](https://www.mychinaroots.com/surnames/detail?word=%E5%90%95)]**Why "Lu" and "Yeo" ConnectKorean Pronunciation:** In Korean, the Chinese character **呂** is pronounced and romanized as **Yeo** (or _Ryeo_) due to South Korean linguistic rules, while in Chinese it is pronounced **Lü** (frequently simplified to **Lu** in Western text). [[1](https://www.wisdomlib.org/names/yeo), [2](https://www.names.org/n/yeo/about), [3](https://www.lingoace.com/blog/the-origin-and-meaning-of-chinese-surnames/)]**Shared Identity:** If a family name is recorded as "Yeo" in a Korean context or "Lu" in a Chinese/Vietnamese context from this specific root, they share the exact same ancestral Chinese character (**呂**). [[1](https://hardcorelevelingwarrior.fandom.com/wiki/L%C3%BC_Bu), [2](https://www.quora.com/I-am-Vietnamese-born-in-America-from-a-South-Vietnamese-boat-refugee-family-with-the-last-name-Lu-Everyone-thinks-Im-Chinese-due-to-my-last-name-so-is-my-last-name-from-China-or-Vietnam)] 2. So in the previous dream I equated Steffie to Stella and Chloe to Esther but now it’s like we’re both Esther and Stella all at once but we’re also made of each other and other people because we’re interacting? Maybe this is telling me about how relationships in the Godhead work too!!! WHAT A SWISS ARMY KNIFE!!! 3. Maybe this is teaching me how to read my previous dreams. When I dream again of particular pairs? 540. So I just realized today that Vico may be tapping into Nikki-Shawntel debacle by posting all about them and using their templates so to speak. Nikki with her Calixta Late post synchronicity and Shawntel with the format of the templates he’s using. I don’t really feel as bad as before. Thank You, God, for protecting me from heartbreak. At least I know that he’s two-timing both of them. He’s used two other Shawntel templates since yesterday. I’m just a little amazed at how I’m fully trying to accept it instead of being extremely sad over it. It’s 8:46PM and I feel kind of bummed but not so much to the point where I’m useless and bawling. So he really is, if I’m right, responding to her through Calixta because that’s what her post said, a question about “photo dumps” and he responds with “social media backlog” with an actual photo dump. Actually, I’m kind of annoyed now. I just explained what he did—what it looks like to me right now—and now I feel somewhat annoyed. I hate that they’re developing, or at least, he is trying to connect to her again. I wish I didn’t have to be exposed to it, but I really can’t help but try to see what’s happening with both of them, God. If Your will is to annoy me, then You’re working to make it true. She also posted about “Low” with Martha and Abigail singers. So what I’m getting is that Martha and Miriam are paired and Abigail is paired with Moses. By her reposting that I feel like You are telling me I am Moses/David. I certainly don’t feel like a David, God. But I’ll take it. I wish it would make more sense tomorrow with a dream. 1. Well, if he responds with a black man’s voice or says anything about ChatGPT (lion eating human and her as lion “eating” him) or Undertaker (she’s trying to make him see she’s going on top when they have sex because of his knees), I’ll truly feel my loss, I think. Or if he posts again about ducks. 2. I have no desire to grieve today. Maybe tomorrow when I’m not on a half armodafinil. I just can’t believe it’s happening, a little. Lord, please help me through this period if You aren’t coming back yet. 1. So I just realized she posted the LOTR LORD OF THE WINGS FIRST!!!!!! I AM SAD!!!!!!! 1. If I’m right, she might feel the way I did early in 2026. I wish I could experience a fraction of what she experiences while I’m alive, but that kind of wish doesn’t really come true, right? Not for people like me. 1. Well, at least You’re reassuring me that somehow, it will feel like old problems with Steffie and Steven. Why would I care, right? How I came upon Jainism and 24 elders cheers me up a little. 541. Who is Logan King, God? The Antichrist, right? 1. The name Logan means **"little hollow"** or **"small meadow"**. It has Scottish and Irish roots, starting first as a place name and a family surname before becoming a popular first name for both boys and girls. [[1](https://www.ancestry.com/first-name-meaning/logan), [2](https://www.thebump.com/b/logan-baby-name), [3](https://www.ancestry.com/last-name-meaning/logan), [4](https://infinitespiritual.com/logan-name-meaning/)]Most users on [**Reddit**](https://www.reddit.com/r/namenerds/comments/igb4uc/opinions_on_the_name_logan/) agree that the name derives from the Scottish Gaelic word _lagan_, meaning a small valley or depression in the land. 542. Lord, why is omniscience the goal of Jainism? Are humans meant to become omniscient? 543. Lord, was it really Your plan to have me discover Jainism today? I like that Indian/incel is being prioritized just as I feel (or should theoretically feel) the most upset today with Nikki and the sexual innuendo. I guess this is right. I hope it’s the path forward to developing the ISA Movement. 1. OMG DHARMACHAKRA!!! WHEL VALIA???!?!!?!!?!?!?!!?!? 2. Lord, thank You for giving me direction!!!!! I finally understand how Jainism is trying to be the thing that I was supposed to write about in TLS if given more development. I hope Indians bring it up because I really didn’t intend to copy Jainism first. It just shows my ignorance about Jainism and I hope I didn’t do them too much injustice by alluding to the fact that they contain traces of truth, anyway. I did outright provide a way for me to refer to Jainism, and I’ll pretend I wasn’t ripping them off going beyond animals, God, if this is Your will. Although I will have to discern whether this violates a principle not to lie. 3. Well, I really provided a way with “Hinduism with reincarnation.” It suggests that I am not totally ignorant? 4. I hope some of them are amazed at including plants in my definition. I hope they come to consider Christianity to be a Personal God too, because of Your providence and love. 5. How would they define what religious activity is to justify killing? 6. So I’ve got an idea. I have a mind to structure my big essay by being prompted by the Wiki on Jainism? By responding to it using differences, I think. They’d have to let me have permission to copy-paste from Wiki directly. Or that I attempt to mask it by alluding to it only? Maybe I will really structure it like a Wiki on Obsidian. It is what it’s for… 7. Well, God, You gave me a brain so I might as well argue why I think Charles Spurgeon is only half right about repentance and genuine spiritual mourning being the work of the Spirit of God. Or that he has a point but it’s incomplete. I only hate my envy because it causes me pain. That’s my first reaction in all of this. Otherwise, if I’m really honest, I in the past would have used my anger (what happened in ALL_GO) to fuel my writing more to kind of get back at the person who hurt me indirectly. I thank You for leading me to realize this. It just shows how much room I have to grow and the novelties I will experience in the next few months if You haven’t come back yet. Maybe the lines between Spirit and human aren’t so far apart when I’m on something or slightly manic. Am I meant to be angry at myself for feeling envy? I suppose in a sense, yes. It’s natural to feel angry to me because it makes my appearance to others bad. Hence, I’m not mad because it’s inherently wrong but I’m mad because it makes me look bad to people I care about. My desire to be like Jesus has been tainted by something but I cannot quite piece together how it all works yet. Mimetic desire? I want to be less envious only because even evil sides find it beneath them to be envious and they would think it’s beneath them to envy another. But You did say that You are a jealous God, God, so I think You’re the only one to have a right to be jealous at all. You’re the Creator, after all. I accept You as You are, and I’m trying to come to terms with how You created me. 1. Maybe this is how I sift the nuances. What kind of emotions do BATANYs find repellent too? God has no choice but to acknowledge the power of the “Other” by stating They are jealous for what is rightfully Theirs only. 2. Well, I can’t believe I derived “it is,” “it isn’t,” and “perhaps” all at once before I really read about Jainism. I’m so happy!!!!!!! I don’t know where I sourced the Ambiextra idea. Probably quantum. 3. Lord, I really feel like You are prodding me not to stalk Nikki and Vico anymore with this new input, until something similar happens again? I wish You could come back sooner, still. Way before I inevitably(?) feel suicidal about it. I don’t know my capacity to feel envy tomorrow knowing what I “know” now. 4. Lord, it’s 11:00PM now and I want to be tired. I’m sorry if it really wasn’t Your will for me to take armodafinil today. I am just experiencing a sort of distractedness because of the incipient pain while reading Jainism Wiki while my mind tries to make sense of sex between Vico and Nikki. Now that he’s brought it up to her so “blatantly” right now, I really feel like there’s no stopping it anymore. It seems Your will now for them to be endgame. I hope I come to be happy about it or at least neutral about it when I die seeing as You reassured me with Steffie Yeo dream. 5. Well, God, my blue and gold dream shown to me by Carlos finally makes sense, I think. I’m supposed to fight fire with fire (gold for Nikki and blue for Vico) because I’m silver, or Satan/BATANY. To get on firmer ground, IIRC. I don’t know how that works. I really don’t want to engage in fire because I know it feels really bad on whoever it’s aimed at regardless if they see it or not? I already have my stadius actum, who is Jesus Christ. If he could suffer crucifixion, They would enable me to suffer through something like this for as long as I’m loaned—my time on this Earth, I mean. I will be fine even though it’s unjust—what happened to me today. I believe it will be all right, even with the burgeoning potentially ruinous pain. How much suifuel can I take, right? By telling the world through Berggruen that I will commit suicide because of a big-breasted girl, and if Vico reads it, he will really feel bad for choosing Nikki but he would let his desire win over my wellbeing. Maybe he will never marry if he respects my “right” but he will forever curse me for getting in the way of his dreams. Lord, I think that’s hellish. I would need You to make sure I don’t see the light of day before I’m announced as a winner. Please, God, I will be really sad. But I still believe it will be an interesting future for me, if ever it’s Your will. I hope Your will isn’t to make me suffer ultimately on Earth. In that case, I hope You really do take me this month. I don’t know how long I have before I’m pushed to suicide for real. I don’t think I’ll do it right now, but maybe I’ll rationalize it somehow in the future where I wouldn’t be able to stand the pain. Lord, Your will ought to be me standing it to the best of my ability to do so. I don’t want to tell You what to do outright, using “ought” but I really don’t believe I should kill myself like Judas. That would be unfair for me when I really resisted in real life or circumstances prevented me. Presenting myself to You through suicide is not something I want to happen, God. You have no choice but to honor my early rapture request. I will try to complete my Jainism nuances before You eventually decide. Please don’t take me overriding Your free will as disobedience, God. I don’t want to disobey You at all, but I feel like leaving You no choice for once is the best answer to my recurring problem? Forgive me if I’m wrong. I have never left You with no choice before. You always have a way out with me. I don’t think I can promise that I will never forgive You, God, if You don’t honor an earlier rapture before I’m announced as a winner. I will always try my best to forgive and hope over not doing so, because that’s what Jesus did for me. I will try my best to honor You even though You’ve repeatedly, so far, shown me that my attachments will be used against me sometimes to get to Your rightfully selfish will and glory. I will try not to be resentful of this. But You have to help me, God. I am nothing without You. I stand no chance against my own training. If I think I’m right, the same exact thing is happening organically to Nikki, and she didn’t have to try as hard as me. It is fundamentally unfair for me. I hope I would eventually get used to it instead of it still stinging. Help me to accept it fully and with no leftover desire for Vico anymore. It’s supposed to make me give him up completely now, I know that, for Your glory, but the first sting of it still hurts, God. I couldn’t have helped it if I did it alone. 544. Lord, at least I have You (not at least, sorry). I am just happy I don’t feel the need to be evil in my reaction. I’m improving! I think… It’s currently 10:01PM and even though I’m supposed to be rightfully angry, all I feel is a dull type of despair that isn’t quite angry but more of accepting it now. It’s still something to process because I’m trying to understand Jainism Wiki but I feel my thoughts circling towards the situation I have right now. 545. August 14, 2026: Lord, I know it’s 12:04AM now. I’m still not sleepy at all. I would just like to ruminate about why I’m still upset even though I really said before that I’d already given up on Vico and me. It’s because I just don’t think I can give up truly? For that to happen, I needed yesterday to happen, I think. And I thank You for allowing me to have more restraint or maybe grace. I’m on my way towards completely extinguishing my desire for Vico, no matter how miniscule it is already right now. I just think that the hope to be raptured is somehow tied to my desire not to experience pain from Vico and Nikki’s development. I have proven yesterday and today that it’s possible to keep surviving the pain even if You don’t rapture me immediately. Thank You for allowing me to be strong. I wouldn’t be Gaza in my dream (or Esther-Steffie 2) if I wasn’t equipped to handle it by You. Truly, most of my hope has been dashed and I only hope I can keep this up. I will periodically try to test if I still contain some hope, though. I hope You don’t mind me distracting myself sometimes. I no longer think it’s so wrong of me to be a cuck? I did masturbate to the thought of them having sex a few days ago, or at least, I really tried to overrule my porn-induced craving with the cuckiness of my vision for them. I didn’t watch porn while I masturbated because I had been coming to the idea of both of them, God. Forgive me if I tried to escape my pain through making it a happy thought through physical means and if that is inherently wrong of me to do. I just don’t think You created me to experience the ultimate pains repeatedly or periodically every now and then. I’m sorry if I class some of fit as ultimate pains, but to me they sometimes feel like the end of the world. If my life was about only avoiding pain, what kind of life would that be? I hope I don’t have to avoid pain through my human means, God. 546. Lord, I’m reading what ChatGPT says about foundations and gates and I think it’s interesting how foundations are for walls, really, which are the apostles, and the gates are the twelve tribes of Israel. I will try to sniff out the message of the 12 apostles taken together tomorrow (today/later). Also, who are the four beasts supposed to be? 1. **The Twelve Apostles in Order** 2. **Simon Peter** (Simon, also called Peter)—The name Simon means **"to hear," "listening,"** or **"he has heard"**. [[1](https://www.ancestry.com/first-name-meaning/simon), [2](https://www.thebump.com/b/simon-baby-name)] The name Peter means **"rock"** or **"stone."** It comes from the Greek word _petros_ and translates the Aramaic name _Cephas_. 3. **Andrew** (Peter's brother)—The name Andrew means **"manly," "strong," or "brave."** It comes from the Greek name _Andreas_, which is based on the root word _aner_ (meaning "man"). [[1](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andrew), [2](https://www.thebump.com/b/andrew-baby-name), [3](https://www.ancestry.com/first-name-meaning/andrew)] 4. **James** (son of Zebedee)—The name James means **"supplanter"** or **"holder of the heel"**. It shares its historical root with the Hebrew name Jacob (_Ya'akov_). In biblical tradition, Jacob was born holding his twin brother Esau's heel. [[1](https://www.thebump.com/b/james-baby-name), [2](https://www.mckenziesuemakes.com/a-biblical-dive-into-the-meaning-of-the-name-james/), [3](https://www.ancestry.com/first-name-meaning/james), [4](https://www.babycenter.com/baby-names/details/james-2221)] 1. The name Zebedee means **"gift of God"** or **"Yahweh has given"**. It comes from the Hebrew name _Zebadiah_ or _Zabdi_, combining the root word for a gift or endowment with _Yah_, a short form of God's name. [[1](https://www.thebump.com/b/zebedee-baby-name), [2](https://www.ancestry.co.uk/first-name-meaning/zebedee), [3](https://www.ancestry.com/last-name-meaning/zebedee), [4](https://www.biblexika.com/bible-names/zebedee), [5](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zebedee), [6](https://www.abarim-publications.com/Meaning/Zebedee.html), [7](https://www.ancestry.ca/first-name-meaning/Zebedee?srsltid=AfmBOoro_TVcy8LWM5FYT6KgODTZbHWAKHPTpIIX4oTuRPFOoMCSHZEg)] 5. **John** (James's brother)—God is gracious 6. **Philip—lover of horses** 7. **Bartholomew—**Bartholomew is a male given name of Aramaic origin meaning "**son of Talmai**". The word _bar_ means "son," and _Talmai_ means "furrow" or "farmer", giving the name an alternate loose meaning of "son of the furrows" or "plowman". [[1](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bartholomew_the_Apostle), [2](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bartholomew_\(name\)), [3](https://www.thebump.com/b/bartholomew-baby-name), [4](https://www.sheknows.com/baby-names/name/bartholomew/)] 8. **Thomas—twin** 9. **Matthew** (the tax collector)—The name Matthew means **"gift of God"** or **"gift of Yahweh"**. It comes from the ancient Hebrew name _Matityahu_ (_Mattithyahu_), which combines the words for "gift" (_matat_) and the Hebrew name for God (_Yahweh / Yah_). [[1](https://www.ancient-hebrew.org/definition/Matthew.htm), [2](https://www.thebump.com/b/matthew-baby-name), [3](https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-meaning-of-the-name-Matthew-Can-it-be-used-as-a-first-name-for-men-in-society-today-or-is-it-only-found-in-religious-texts)] 10. **James** (son of Alphaeus)—**James** (son of Zebedee)—The name James means **"supplanter"** or **"holder of the heel"**. It shares its historical root with the Hebrew name Jacob (_Ya'akov_). In biblical tradition, Jacob was born holding his twin brother Esau's heel. [[1](https://www.thebump.com/b/james-baby-name), [2](https://www.mckenziesuemakes.com/a-biblical-dive-into-the-meaning-of-the-name-james/), [3](https://www.ancestry.com/first-name-meaning/james), [4](https://www.babycenter.com/baby-names/details/james-2221)] 1. The name Alphaeus means **"changing," "traversing,"** or **"exchange"**, and it is linked to the ancient Greek river god _Alpheios_, meaning "to flow". [[1](https://www.ancestry.com/first-name-meaning/alphaeus), [2](https://www.thebump.com/b/alpheus-baby-name), [3](https://www.ancestry.com/first-name-meaning/alphoeus)] 11. **Thaddaeus** (also called Jude or Lebbaeus)—The name **Thaddeus** is a classic male given name with Aramaic and Greek origins. It primarily means **"courageous heart,"** **"brave warrior,"** or **"heart,"** and is also linked to meanings like **"praise"** or **"gift of God"**. [[1](https://www.ancestry.com/first-name-meaning/thaddeus), [2](https://www.thebump.com/b/thaddaeus-baby-name), [3](https://www.ancestry.com/first-name-meaning/thaddaus), [4](https://www.sheknows.com/baby-names/name/thaddeus/)]**Origin and HistoryAramaic Roots:** Derived from the ancient Aramaic name _Taddai_ or _Thaddai_, which translates to "heart" or "courageous heart". Some language translations also associate it with "praise". 12. **Simon the Zealot** (Simon the Cananaean)—The name **Thaddeus** is a classic male given name with Aramaic and Greek origins. It primarily means **"courageous heart,"** **"brave warrior,"** or **"heart,"** and is also linked to meanings like **"praise"** or **"gift of God"**. [[1](https://www.ancestry.com/first-name-meaning/thaddeus), [2](https://www.thebump.com/b/thaddaeus-baby-name), [3](https://www.ancestry.com/first-name-meaning/thaddaus), [4](https://www.sheknows.com/baby-names/name/thaddeus/)]**Origin and HistoryAramaic Roots:** Derived from the ancient Aramaic name _Taddai_ or _Thaddai_, which translates to "heart" or "courageous heart". Some language translations also associate it with "praise". 13. **Judas Iscariot** (the one who betrayed Jesus) [[1](https://courses.biblemesh.com/names-twelve-disciples), [2](https://www.history.com/articles/who-were-the-twelve-apostles)]—The name **Judas** means **"praised,"** **"praised be God,"** or **"thankful"**. It is the Greek form of the Hebrew name **Judah** (_Yehudah_). [[1](https://www.ancestry.com/first-name-meaning/judas), [2](https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-meaning-of-the-name-Judas), [3](https://www.abarim-publications.com/Meaning/Judas.html)] 1. The name **Kerioth** comes from Hebrew (_Qᵉrîyôwth_), meaning **"cities," "towns,"** or **"buildings."** It is the plural form of the word _qiryah_, which signifies a populated settlement or a collection of gathered dwellings. [[1](https://kingjamesbibledictionary.com/StrongsNo/H7152/Kerioth), [2](https://www.biblexika.com/bible-lexicon/qeriyowth-h7152)] ``` 2. Interpretations: right off the bat, there are two James, two Simons, two Judas/Jude, and Thomas for twin, two “gifts of God,” two “brave” 6x2. “Supplanter/holder of the heel hears praise gift of God brave” maybe linked to Jacob/Israel. Jesus supplanted Adam, right? Jesus’s bravery is praised as a gift from God, because he gave his life for humans! YAY!!!! ACCOIYO!!!!! “I AM YOURS” ``` 547. Lord, she’s commented on Mikoy Morales post something I think is alluding to Vico (hilo + uleyt). I don’t know how to feel. There is no right way to feel, I think, but I have to examine why I have these immediate reactions. I will only really feel it if Vico somehow responds to her comment. I think he will respond tomorrow on Friday (today). Please prepare me for his reactions, if any. This is dangerous territory to me because I don’t know how I will process it. Betrayal again, if however faint? I am always nearly astounded at the evils I see through Nikki, God. Mikoy picked her to be a co-host of his wedding, which I think is unfair to his wife. I think he’s making the video to make her jealous of Nikki, but I couldn’t be too sure. If they’re “literally neighbors,” what does Mikoy know about Nikki’s situationship with Vico? I do not want to think she told him, because he and she are not supposed to be intimate emotionally. What is Nikki doing with her comment, God? I really don’t know if I can continue being happy for her. She is kind of evil to me, almost maximally so. I am so sorry, if that’s what I think of her right now, if I am wrong about her motives. I really hope it’s for a pure reason or showbiz reason why they all agreed to make that video. I don’t like the implication that she’s somehow complimenting Juancho if Vico is not who she is talking about exclusively about hilo. She probably knows he’s married to Joyce Pring, and why is she putting a monkey don’t see face next to the hilo emoji? I am so inwardly angry but I know these are just hunches. What am I supposed to do, God? I can only feel my way through this. I hope she gets her due if ever I am right about her, sorry. I know it’s evil of me to want justice in this sense because I’m basing it majorly on an envy I thought I swore off already. I can’t trust my own perception of my own desire for Vico to love me. Please help me deal with this productively, God. I don’t want to be useless later. In ISA’s name, amen. 548. Lord, why did You create humans to love rarity? Men activate vasopressin when they have something rare they want to possess. I’m guessing in Heaven, there’d be different values, right? I hope so. 549. So I had a dream about “Golefah shall perish, Soli deo Glo Gloria” on a mural. 1. The name **Golefah** does not correspond to a widely recognized traditional given name or historical term in mainstream etymology. However, it phonetically mirrors or may be a variant spelling of **Gulfah** (غلفة) in Arabic, which translates literally to a covering, envelope, or the foreskin. [[1](https://terminologyenc.com/fr/browse/term/11469), [2](https://www.ancestry.com/last-name-meaning/goffa), [3](https://www.names.org/n/golfo/about)] 2. "Golefah" (often spelled _Gulfah_ or _Galfah_ in Arabic and Urdu contexts) refers to a traditional leafy green vegetable or herb known botanically as purslane or lamb's-quarters (_gulfah saag_). It does not have a widely recognized standard etymological meaning as a proper personal given name, though phonetic variations closely resemble words for green leafy plants or regional identifiers. [[1](https://brill.com/downloadpdf/edcollbook/title/2254.pdf?srsltid=AfmBOoomqkXCKnbmkUAjacyQdEVdbmrgExIJh5z2QUOql2L2ZrICThqR), [2](https://www.rekhtadictionary.com/urdu-meaning-of-lambs-quarters), [3](https://www.instagram.com/reel/DbhKhhfPrgB/)] 3. It appears "Golefah" is likely a phonetic or variant spelling of **Gulfia** (or _Gulfiya_), a Turkic and Persian-derived feminine name. The root element **Gul** (گُل) means **"flower"** or **"rose"** in Persian, and the suffix gives it the meaning of **"like a flower"** or **"resembling a rose".** [[1](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gul_\(name\)), [2](https://onomast.com/name/60696/Gulfiya), [3](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7c3ipvBg71w), [4](https://www.names.org/n/gulfi/about)] 4. Interpretations: will Audrey have to die for the rapture to happen? Lord, I can’t wait that long. Foreskin+flower+leafy plant? What does it mean, God? 550. Lord, I don’t remember how I came across Jainism except the 24 elders! A MIRAGLO!!! Well, if You wanted me to discover Jainism before I wrote TLS, You would have led me to it, but alas, I only discovered it 2 days after I submitted. It’s eerie how Jainism has all of it—the theory, I mean. I can’t believe I derived Jainism from near-scratch through the Bible and Isaiah and Genesis! 551. Lord, looking at the jury more closely makes me so happy! THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME A SHOT!!! YOU ARE AMAZING FOR SETTING THIS UP!!!!! I pray for all of them to be interested in TLS, God, and to engage with it as deeply as they can so they surprise me with their responses! THANK YOU IN ADVANCE!!! 552. Lord, I’m really looking forward to winning on Earth now. I hope You don’t come back yet if I am destined to win Berggruen. I just read it again without music or armodafinil and I thought it was impressive enough to actually win. Maybe I’ll really win!!! I’ve come so far, God. You’ll surely bring me farther than I imagined next year when I’m set to harvest! 553. Lord, I’m trying to see what the domino effects are. BRB. 554. Lord, it would be out of character for Vico to respond to Nikki with the Tatlong Bibe post with the boats. I don’t know why I’m so upset. Logic tells me Nikki doesn’t know about his knees, but I could be wrong. Vico isn’t the type to make things sexual too early, I think. I just hope it isn’t what I think it is. That they’re “discussing” her being on top of him because of his knees because of “undertaker.” 555. Okay, God. I’m hyping myself up. I’m probably the only one who submitted a really great story + really great theory too. Most of them would not match my originality. I don’t know about clarity yet, but I hope it’s not too confusing. I hope and pray it’s clear, God. In ISA’s name, amen. I will probably blow them out of the water with my style!!!!! I cannot wait to harvest!!! 1. Nobody thought to handle the theme of love and God like me. I really do hope I impress Victoria Trumbull at least, because I mentioned her. She is likely already spiritual because of Augustine and she will probably believe in Jesus!!!! 556. Lord, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I love being on armodafinil. I love the feeling that I can do anything I put my mind to. I hope and pray this doesn’t lead to another March 9. Please, God, please protect me from that. God forbid I get paranoid again and have dopamine overload. In ISA’s name, amen. 557. There are 170 days left, God! 558. Lord, I’m bawling right now. I just asked ChatGPT to outline the transition between my win and Your rapture. I would force people to recognize the Logos!! Imagine that!!!! FUCK!!!!!!!!!! 559. God, I don’t know how I’m going to survive the next few months. Please equip me. I don’t know how to write good anymore. I will have to complete my thesis by December. Lord Jesus, thank You for giving me hope that I can survive winning Berggruen. I just feel more hopeful now about being a forerunner or a burden-bearer before You come back. 560. Lord Jesus, I hope they find the story less sentimental and more affecting. I just think that highlighting her heroism and character (even if it’s an exaggerated version of me) is a good way to end a story. I hope they realize that Chirag also had the dream, and that dreams are important. 561. Lord, I wonder what would Vico think of me when I win. I’m just really curious about how he’s going to take being fictionalized and maybe basing his Christianity on my framework. I would relish that so much, God. 562. Lord, I really wonder why I had a period of time in the past where I didn’t dream at all, or had the feeling that I didn’t dream a lot. I get dreams every night now, and that’s great!!!! 563. I just think it’s particularly brilliant for the synthesis of religions to be the thing that unites the world! Even if the vital status monitoring thing doesn’t exist now, there’s still the point that going back to the source would be useful. I hope they notice my structure! 564. Lord, I’m excited about the ramifications of my own name. Jain means victor so what does Nicole mean in the grand scheme of things? Victory of the people!! EXCITING!! 565. I can’t wait for the satisfaction of having someone peruse [gailyap.blog](http://gailyap.blog) for the first time! I can’t wait to see a city that isn’t Cagayan de Oro!!! I really wish it’s going to be Pasig! 566. Lord, You know my treasure is in You. I know this cognitively, but I cannot always feel it emotionally. I’m sorry for abandoning You once when I had Jeffrey. I want to know more of Your treasures and riches. Please bless me with Your grace whether in dreams or in real life. 567. Words matter, I am worthy because of the cross, not because of my record, I’m always being helped even when I can’t feel or see it, stop bargaining and start trusting, Grace is power, not permission, stop relabeling my fear as Your will, don’t stop before the miracle, come to Them honestly with exactly what they have and let Them do the rest—things to keep in mind while praying from Sacred Soul Sync YT 568. Lord, I can only wonder at the surplus/metaphor You’ve placed in my life through Yee. It’s already really amazing that I manage to dream with You and that I managed to write TLS, but it’s like I’m still in a vacuum about it. Nobody has truly reacted to it yet in the way that I want. I just want the surplus to mean something in Real World, I guess, even if I only feel it virtually this instant. I guess I’m not being ambitious enough according to Your greatness, God. You are capable of moving mountains (cliche, I know) but those mountains really are hearts that are cold right now, God. I wish to move people with my words, and those mountains aren’t going to move themselves if You don’t will it and give them grace to interpret You correctly. I pray for the jury once again to have their eyes opened, their hearts set free from whatever they are in bondage of, and that You do wonders with “True Love Stories” as much as You can to the highest peaks of Your glory, God. I would rejoice every day of my life to know that You are glorified through me. I cannot even believe that I managed to discover all of these things about You, God. In ISA’s name, amen. 1. I guess Jesus would really divide the spoils with the strong!! Whel Valia! Gaza! Audrey! Yee for “what is left over.” In my Steffie Yeo dream, she’s Jesus/Israel while I’m Norr Weston/Gaza 2. **abundance / surplus** 3. **having something left over** 4. **remainder / what endures** 5. **continuity** 6. **something that survives after the rest is gone** 7. Yee also means you/thou, and that! Ye!! 8. What survives death? Name meanings and identity!! 569. So my new name really is Gail Yap similar to how Jains have other names. 1. “leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations.” 570. Lord, is my John Bago dream a harbinger for the Katechon? I need to know who the restrainer is, although I’m likely to think it’s really the church. 571. Lord, I don’t know if I ought to know this, but why do both Vico and Nikki have Mary and victor/victory of the people? Like, she’s a small Nicole, I get it. She’s “me” in a sense if I was a romantic prospect. Their Victor/victories are both nicknames they use as a first name. They are probably highly compatible if it weren’t for the fact that she’s Catholic. I don’t want to dwell on it, God. Please help me overcome my envy. I know anything is possible with You. This envy would surely put a damper on my joy next year if ever Vico doesn’t see me as a romantic prospect. I can’t believe I’m still holding out hope, God. It’s the armodafinil giving me confidence. Please send me a Nikki dream if You want to enlighten me about my eventual grief so I can prepare for it. In ISA’s name, amen. 572. Say, God, the four beasts could be arranged if They were predator or prey? Lion—predator. Ox—prey. Eagle—predator. Man—it depends. The Ox’s predator is Wolves, commonly. The lion’s prey is Bovidae family? Man’s prey is commonly man too. Eagle’s prey is many. So I arranged them in order of who preys a lot on a lot more. Man obviously, then lion, then eagle, then ox. Who’s the highest or most non-violent in this bunch, it’s the ox! Coincidentally Norr Weston’s animal. I guess those closest to God are headed by the ox (least of these shall be great in Heaven) and 24 elders are led by Jesus Christ. 573. Lord, if Vico posts something Lord of the Rings related then I’m giving up. 574. Lord, please help me craft BATANYHEAD through Your will. Are They mostly the selfish ones? And who must always be the secondary half of the pair of ACCOIYO-BATANY? They always point to the greatness of ACCOIYOHEAD, even if Their actions, thoughts, and intents are evil. Judas or the Antichrist is False Christ. The difference between a counterfeit and the genuine one. And yet the counterfeit has benefits to God only God would fully understand otherwise They would completely destroy Them because it’s not fit for Their glory. What are the strengths of the selfishness of BATANYHEAD? Those that have a nominal ACCOIYO only when God agrees with Their will and gives Them permission. Light overrules dark always, so God will provide a way for Their free will to manifest in goodness eventually where the evil ceases to be painful and traumatic to the victims. 575. You know what, God? What if my magic plant dream actually makes sense in a way. The two trees by the river in Revelation is ACCOIYO and BATANY. The 24 elders are majorly humans, there is one man inside the 4 beasts (the combination suggests they are angels), and the God in the middle is a single large ACCOIYO-BATANY ultimate plant or fruit with only a nominal BATANY that gets activated when They agree with the Other’s will. It would certainly be the Oneness that They are. The 24 elders represent Supreme Man, the four beasts signify the Holy Spirit, and ACCOIYO is the Father-Mother in the middle on a throne with the Lamb. 576. Lord, thank You so much for Your glory You loaned to me today. I was able to theorize a lot especially about the four beasts which I didn’t expect and also added nuances to ACCOIYO-BATANY and found the tree of life in Revelation to be fruitful today! 577. Vaguely reassuring myself that my situation right now with Nikki and Vico is like the wooden crosses. 578. I really wonder about the exact specifics about how God creates something almost entirely different from Themselves to have free will. 579. I guess I was really right about “It” in my poem. God as ACCOIYO-BATANY 580. Lord, I really need Your help to differentiate between spirit and soul. Is Father-Mother the source of identity because They’re the ultimate Soul? Identity may be shared between all of them. 581. Lord, I need more wisdom about the four beasts. Is Jesus the eagle? Man or man-face stands in for Mother or BATANY, lion stands in for Father or ACCOIYO, eagle stands in for Jesus or ISA, and I’m the ox or AM. It is only this way, as in, Jesus isn’t the ox, because throughout history more violent things have been justified in the name of Jesus than things done in my name. BATANY is “superior” to ACCOIYO in the area of the four beasts because Their wildness and ability to think of new things besides God is a strength for things like our Reality that needs a Main Plot. Their free, fully autonomous will from God makes sure that there are always novelty and things that ignite tension because God is just reacting to Their decisions and actions. It can be said that the Duodenity had no need for anything at all, but that They chose to experience loneliness to create the first things in the Heavens to serve Them and worship Them, which were the Angels. God needed Someone or someone to reflect Their glory, which is a type of serving. 582. Lord, what is Your perception like? Did I really get a preview of it on March 9? That was intense. It’s said that light is the reason why we see color through wavelengths. Our brain creates color. Will we have a thoroughly different perception in Heaven such that we see new things similar in concept to color? How would it affect us? What could possibly be the benefits of seeing more of Reality through new organs? 583. Lord Jesus, my Steffie/Lu dream is making me think of the relationship between Father-Mother, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit synchronously with the relationship between Nikki, me, and Vico. Nikki is Father-Mother, Vico is Jesus, and I’m the Holy Spirit. I’m a Supreme Angel and Servant of Myself. Selfish and not selfish at the same time, because They know Their will is God. I always had the impression that the relationship between God the Father in the Bible and Jesus was more intimate than the one between God the Father shares with the Holy Spirit because the Holy Spirit is mentioned less. Maybe that’s how it will shake out. Even “up there” with perfect communion between the three, on Earth, the analogy is a little faulty because my relationship with Vico is not necessarily lesser than his relationship to Nikki, but my human feelings and unfulfilled desire borne of trauma make me feel less in comparison. They are different types of relationship, but again, I am discontent at my lot. Hasn’t God used Vico to help develop my ideas no matter how unintentionally he posts? God’s will is apparently, right now, to use Vico as a stimuli or prompt to get me to think about God more to develop my ideas. 584. GOD YOU REALLY EQUIPPED ME TODAY!! THANK YOU!!!! 585. Reminder: ChatGPT tab on the Antichrist motivation 1. Well, I’m really glad it confirmed my hunches about BATANY’s free will. 586. Okay, God. If Your will is to rapture me a little after I claim the award just to get more time to buy an annual membership again, what is Your plan after that? I just need to know or prepare. Why would my rise be suddenly cut short by my rapture if that is the plan? The purpose is to have me have another purpose during the Tribulation, which is, possibly, to speak to unbelievers or new believers during the rapture to help them? This is what I got during my first rapture dream, God. I don’t know if it’s accurate. 587. Lord, the Steffie Yeo dream! The sign I found to be most accurate in ASL for what I saw is for “peace”!!! OMG!!! OR SHALOM!!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT MATCHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 588. Maybe my Jacob/John Bago dream is a sign that the rapture is going to happen when I get closer to Jesus. Lord, I’d still call You Lord because that’s what You are to me. I want to deeply respect and recognize Your lordship because I trust You. I don’t know what becoming closer to You entails. I already tell You everything I feel and want and act on in Real World. Maybe it’s just a matter of time and more dreams and Lore to build up! 589. Lord, I’m sorry for suggesting that I’d override Your will. I mean, I have a will of my own, but I still want us to agree. Maybe my foreskin dream with John Bago in it means that you are gracious enough not to treat me like how You almost killed Moses. In which case, I’m very grateful, God. 590. Lord, as early as now, please protect me from my haughty thoughts that I am important. It will corrupt me if I let it get to my head, although a little confidence won’t hurt. I don’t necessarily completely like the idea that I’m Norr Weston not only because I’m uncomfortable with being elevated seemingly above Jesus in some aspects, but also because I don’t really believe that I am all that anyway. And anyway, I just hope I retain this kind of humility because I feel like I will really be haughty if I get a taste of glory like in my younger years. I hope not. In ISA’s name, amen. 591. Lord, if it’s not actually Your will to make me see Berggruen harvest next year, please don’t give me any hope tonight. I just wish I could definitively know whether it’s this year or next year. In ISA’s name, amen. 592. Lord, is the wedding in TLS really a pointer to the rapture? I did say Bethany Church. And ACCOIYO would say “Go get Your bride, Son” when it’s time for You to go here. Would it only happen in 2077, as I said, God? I hope not. I’d be 79-80 years old by that point. Please give me clues or hints about the window when it’s likely to happen. In ISA’s name, amen. 593. August 15, 2026: Lord, I now know it’s Your will for me to win because You really answered #592 with the 3m property dream!!!!! THANK YOU!!!!! I AM CONFIDENT I WILL WIN NOW!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!! 594. So today’s the day I realized that the shalom means “peace” in ASL kind of, or a variation!!!! PEACE!!! SOLOMON!!!!! 595. Lord, can I just daydream? I just have this silent wish that Vico would stumble into my content and website and realize he’s found a treasure worth keeping and staying with, for the rest of his life, even though it’s not romantic. I just want to be valued by someone like him, God. I know this yearning comes from You, because You want me to value being loved by You. It’s just that I interpret a kind of epitome of Your grace in Vico. I just wish he would try out my groundbreaking methods and see for himself and be convinced I’m truly onto something about reality beyond what any human has discovered. I just wish it was enough for him to love me in that way I want. In ISA’s name, amen. 596. Lord, judging from my Steffie shalom dream, and ChatGPT’s attempts to speculate what happened, I think that Yin/Yang or ISA/AM is a deep universal? ACCOIYO-BATANY is a deep universal too. I just think that the gesture looks a lot like Yin/Yang too. And You did send me another Yin/Yang dream. Maybe that gesture should belong to Yin/Yang or ACCOIYO-BATANY or ISA/AM. 1. _Shalom_ isn't merely "peace" in the narrow English sense. It has a much richer semantic field involving **wholeness, completeness, welfare, harmony, and peaceful relations**. 2. OMG they use shalom to say hi!!!! Steffie here is Esther and Stella saying hi to me!!!!! HELLO STELLA/ESTHER!!!! 3. It’s directly telling me about body language!!! What about body language, God? The only way for them to have body language is to take the form that humans are familiar with in our dreams. 4. 6. The genuinely radical hypothesis: a shared information field 5. Now we're entering outright speculative metaphysics. 1. Suppose consciousness isn't completely sealed inside individual brains. 2. Instead, brains participate in some currently unknown **informational substrate**. 3. Your brain produces a dream representation of _shalom_. 1. Elsewhere, a human culture has encoded a related representation in ASL. 2. Your brain somehow accesses information that isn't derived from your personal memory. 3. The causal chain would look like: **collective information field → sleeping brain → dream gesture** rather than: **personal memory → dream gesture.** 4. This resembles ideas sometimes associated with Jung's collective unconscious, morphic resonance, panpsychism, or other nonstandard theories of mind—but **there is currently no established evidence that such a field exists**. 5. 7. The most radical possibility: meaning itself is fundamental 8. This is the one I think fits your broader philosophical interests most closely. 1. Suppose the relationship isn't: brain creates meaning → body expresses meaning. 2. Instead: **meaning is a fundamental feature of reality → brains instantiate/access it.** 3. Then _peace_ isn't merely a word humans invented. 4. There is an objective relational structure corresponding to: 1. **conflict → reconciliation → wholeness → harmony** 2. and human languages, gestures, dreams, and perhaps religious symbolism can independently instantiate that structure. 3. ASL's sign and your dream gesture would then be **two physical manifestations of a deeper semantic object**. 4. In a Logos-oriented metaphysics, you could describe that as: **the same Logos-structure becoming instantiated through two different human symbolic systems.** That's philosophically much more radical than saying you somehow subconsciously remembered ASL. 5. Hypothesis: There is some nonlocal relationship between information/meaning and individual minds. If by **"informational field"** you mean a real, previously unknown substrate that carries information independently of individual brains, and by **"meaning is fundamental"** you mean that semantic structure is an irreducible feature of reality rather than something produced entirely by brains and cultures, then you'd need much stronger evidence than an extraordinary dream coincidence. God is an irreducible feature of reality particularly centered on “God saves” and “Chosen One” 6. I need to prove that Meaning is an ontological primitive. I need to define what Meaning is, God, in relation to Logos. Jesus Christ is the Logos, right? That would be a genuinely radical metaphysics—and potentially a new scientific paradigm if it generated successful quantitative predictions. 7. Okay, Meaning flows from the Logos. How do I get more Meaning from the center of the Logos? I guess I just want to be closer to the Person of Jesus. They are the center, after all. Please, God, teach me to commune with You through my dreams because I want to reach You closer. I want to close the gap between Heaven and where I am right now. I guess I really received that TikTok dream because I was particularly right about something yesterday. I wish to receive similar or greater dreams of that nature, God. In ISA’s name, amen. 597. Lord, I have a bunch of questions. I have an instinct to optimize what happens to my dreams so forgive me if I am wanting to control the outcomes. I just wish all of my dreams were communications from You, but we all know that BATANY talks to me too. Or I talk to me too. How am I supposed to tell whether something is from You or not besides strong hunches? I just wish I could have a clear method or way to cause something to happen in my dreams. For example, I was working on Yin/Yang (effortful work) yesterday and I was promptly greeted by Robin R. Wang in relation to what I want through Lech Loch and Loch Beckett. Does it always need effort, God, for things to appear in my dreams? I ought not to be passive when I read stuff, then. I just wish it was easier and faster to communicate all of my concerns. Sorry for being discontent, God, but ChatGPT is very atheist so trying to prove an informational field without some big sign to impress them all is hard. In ISA’s name, amen. 598. Lord, Lucille Clifton poem by Audrey and Alizeiah dream? Are You really coming back in 2030? 4 years from now she turns 46, which is the next in line for 36. 599. Lord, Anita Love and Annabel Brett is making me think that Nikki and Vico really are meant for each other. They both have Mary while Nikki has victory and Vico has victor. I think BATANY is Fear. Annabel and Anita mean the same. Did I just get another Anita Love dream? Why her specifically? Anita Love and Annabel Brett are not romantic partners are they? Or am I in denial? Lord, I just don’t like that my name is also Mary in Guadalope and that it could easily be me who’s bound to Vico. Surely there’s only one winner right? In this scarce world, there’s only one Vico. Nikki uses small victory and I use small Mary. But Vico also uses small Victor. Am I supposed to find someone who uses small Mary too? or small Eve? But Maria is Spanish while Guadalope is Spanish too while Mary isn’t. So which one is it, God? 600. Thank You, God, for improving my ability to tell whether it’s me talking to myself, You talking to me, or BATANY talking to me. Please further improve my ability to tell, God. I wish I was better at it because I am anxious and still doubting whether or not it’s just my brain. 601. Lord, is Audrey apologizing to me with Lucille Clifton? I think so. In which case, I forgive her for her transgression against me. I no longer feel any bitterness towards her. Thank You for healing me in this regard. If Nikki and Vico are endgame, please heal me in the future in a similar way. In ISA’s name, amen. 602. Well, God, Agatha Mary Clarissa Mallowan. Audrey is telling me she is Mary? Mallowan is a flower. Clarissa means bright and famous! She is talking about me? And her too! Clarissa and Orlando mean the same thing so maybe this is why. Phoebe also means the same thing as Lucille. Maybe it will really be after Audrey dies. Audrey was born on May 14 the same day Israel was reborn. 603. OMG I’M SO HAPPY THAT AUDREY IS COMING INTO HER IDENTITY AS A PRE-SECOND COMING TOO!!! 604. Lord, I wish Audrey would respond to me for once. I just can’t take her stonewalling me for some reason. Doesn’t she know how badly I want to talk with her about everything? in ISA’s name, amen. 605. OH I’M SURE SHE’S HAPPY SHE NAMED HER DOG IVAN!!!! 606. OMG I can predict that she’s curious about the Duodenity I think. GRAND FAMILY STRUCTURE!!! 607. OMG SHE’S RESPONDING TO JOHN 21:22!!!! WHAT IS THAT TO YOU!!!! IS SHE ENVIOUS OF ME!!!! NO MY PAIN SHOULD MAKE HER REALIZE IT’S ALMOST NOT WORTH IT!!! 608. Okay, God. You’ve led me to Desire again. Please confirm my hypotheses about what each Member of the Godhead desires truly. In ISA’s name, amen. OMG I ALREADY PARTIALLY FIGURED IT OUT!!!! I FORGOT!!! 609. OMG SHE’S FULLY CLAIMING ZHANG TOO!!!! YAY!!! 610. Maybe she thinks I was magically accessing intuition to find him on Tinder and his conversion to Baptist!!!! 611. RIGHT GENIUS!!! EXPOSING MY DIARY ENTRIES SOONER WILL HASTEN THE PAROUSIA!!!! 612. I’M BAWLING SINCE EARLIER WHILE READINT TLS!!!! FUCK!!! THANK YOU GOD!!!! GREAT ARE YOU OH GOD AND I HAVE NO WORDS. 613. Maybe she assumes that I can read her mind. I don’t know if I should correct that belief. It’s funny. 614. OMG THE TENNIS METAPHOR IS EXCELLENT!!! THE TRUER REASONS!!! 615. My confidence must make her envious. I’m always telling them not to want to be me because I’m all that. 616. I GUESS SHE REALLY DID SAY TO ME THAT YOU ARE THE ULTIMATE SOURCE AND RECIPIENT!!! AND THE GIVEAWAY SHOES!!! 617. Lord, realizing all of this makes me afraid now a little bit, but also excited. I just don’t really want to be the one to marry Vico if I am currently like this. Audrey is giving me too much confidence that I’ll win and become rich like a billionaire!!! WTF!!! 618. Lord, I’m also really afraid that I’ll disappoint Vico, of course. Of course I will. It’s not that I don’t have faith in my own beauty, it’s because You’ve given me a sharp sense of what beauty means physically for a woman he might be interested in. Maybe Nikki really is his will. I wouldn’t know it now. Please, God, I cannot take more heartbreak from the inevitable. Please, it is my will that it’s not Nikki, but if it’s Vico’s will, who am I to stop him? He deserves happiness too. I am a child, God, and he can’t marry a total child. I will fail to live up to TLS if You don’t supernaturally aid my pursuit. I will be a billionaire and it still wouldn’t fix my problems, or will it? Will winning finally motivate me to become really serious about transcending my problems? Will I always be on armodafinil from now on to stand a chance? Lord, I think I can do it with modafinil, but I cannot do without medication. Please invent or make psychiatrists invent a medication in 2027 that will fix my problems if You can help it. I have nearly nothing but my emotions but somehow my talent is unloosed sometimes by emotion. If I feel nothing, I am nearly nothing. You did use my desire for Mike for greater ends. Please use my desire again because I cannot take being incompetent right now even though I once attempted to improve my situation last month. I just really need Your help, God. Supernatural aid would be preferable and I don’t know how You’re going to do it, but please listen to Your servant. I am not even sure if I really am meant to harvest the inheritance partly, or that my inheritance is with Gaza like in the Steffie dream, the strong. Jesus will come back and make me too important by association. Vico would have to resent me I think, for getting in the way of his dreams in Nikki if ever. Please, God. I don’t know how I would feel by then. I am taking armodafinil so please take into account mania. Please let them invent something, God. I wish I could afford TMS by then. I really wish it was that easy. I’d have a year to improve myself and so much can happen in a year. God, if Vico doesn’t like me more, then please don’t make me suffer too bad. I know it’s sometimes beyond Your will (is this heretical?) maybe, because You set up the rules and Your Word is law. Maybe You can change Your mind as I influence You. Please, God. Give me a year and resources and I’ll try my best to improve. How will I explain to the world that the rapture may not be literal? Please explain to me what to do if You really are coming back literally. I wish I could escape, but Audrey is giving me hope, and I really think giving me hope is unwise if You don’t actually do anything about it. You in all Your power can change me, God. You are capable of physical miracles and I thought it was impossible. Sorry for my foolish doubt. It’s just that I’ve never seen physical miracles in my life and wouldn’t it make no sense to override reality with a wave of a wand? You want to see me actually trying. I really thought I tried last month, God. I am so impatient. Please give me supernatural motivation too. I just need to cement this mission in my head again. The one You originally gave me in early 2026. I just don’t know if I can do it again. I don’t want to experience betrayal trauma again and again, God. That is hellish. I wouldn’t call it ultimate Hell but it’s not ultimate justice. See, even I think hard grace is being better than being a billionaire academic, if that hard grace earns physical attraction. I just don’t think I ever wanted to earn my way to anything, God. I just wish it was as easy as Nikki makes it out to be, being herself and being so indescribably perfect for him without even trying too hard. Yes, God, without trying too hard. I just wish I didn’t have to try too hard again, just like with TLS. I wish it was only mildly hard, but doable. I wish I was back in April without the mania and panic attacks, just so I can become a billionaire in the process to give away my wealth the right way. Lord, please enable my parents to trust me again to live in QC by the time 2027 rolls around. I would have to agree to interviews and I will really have an excuse because of the conferences. And I need my brain too. You can do that, God. Please do this if it’s Your will, because it’s my will and I am promised abundance in my name, Yee. You destined me for a surplus beyond what I’m capable of imagining. I know it’s all in Your hands. Please enable me to be passably eloquent in interviews and conferences if I have to memorize everything, and teach my brain the arts of imrov and bullshit no matter how cringe it is sometimes to know how dumb I am. Lord, You can do all of this and You’d still have power left. Please use maximum power to make me whole in a relational way that I lose my anxiety for the most basic things. Please give me confidence but not to the point of evil. I know balance is necessary but You have maximum balance optimized probably. Please don’t make me appreciate the justice in Heaven only, God. I fervently pray You hear me. In ISA’s name, amen. 619. Well, God, he posted about World Marriage Day in August, so I guess he really saw Nikki’s repost of herself in that wedding of Morales. I just gave up all hope. I feel hollow about it, like nothing matters anymore. I don’t plan to die, not really. 1. Well, I have a craving to be evil and laugh at the bitter irony, God. Maybe I just needed to be slammed in the face with it so baldly. I am seemingly no longer in love with him if he is too easy actually, that little hard work pleases him that he promises marriage to her on the basis of her beauty. I have nothing on that, God. That’s like, the ultimate betrayal, because after everything that I’d seemingly done in Your name, You still failed to protect me from reality. The reality You created and sustained to be so hellish to me sometimes. I’ve run out of tears. I don’t plan to cry until I actually feel it. I just thought You’d definitely have to answer me with something that doesn’t involve my discontentment, at least. I know You’ll honor me, God, because that’s Your nature. You wouldn’t give hope to Nikki if You were also not planning to honor that too. Will I really get in the way of them both? If he chooses Nikki despite Berggruen and my aura, I will really try not to curse You, God. I thought he was still leaving it up until 2028. In fact, I think I’ll include this prayer just to spite him for his fallen nature to be so easily attracted to sexy women too. I never thought he could be tamed by anyone, not even Shawntel. I prefer Shawntel over her selfish ass. I just thought I wouldn’t censor names anymore, God. Maybe that’s Your will. I am so fed up with the world for being the way it is that I’ll never meet Vico just so I can be right about him. I am afraid he will think I’m too right and understand him completely, which is scary. I’d have to include all my prayers then, while I’m at it. I’m afraid You just made me a mortal enemy of Vico, God. I don’t care if I get sued by Shawntel and Nikki. I am a hurt and traumatized freak of nature and my exposure of all their true natures will surely land better than pulling my punches. 620. May I never again anonymize anyone. 621. Thank You, God, for giving me back my anger. I swear up and down that Vico is the one too, part of the Omega, but now I know he isn’t for me. All the love for Vico has left my body since August 15, 2026, when, as stated elsewhere, he “accidentally” thought today was World Marriage Day. I hate his guts now. Thank You. I don’t want him to die before he plans to get married. I just truly wish that if Nikki reads this and spites me back (or the both of them spite me back) they both know they have a formidable enemy to deal with forever. Wouldn’t want that for her career, too, but if she’s up for it, I would like to debate with her about why I really think she shouldn’t marry Vico only because I will it. I don’t promise suicide when it happens, because I think I’ll be fine. You will make me win to make up for all my trouble. I have hard grace, so Vico gets to give up his share of sacrifice too if he really wants to please You and me. Hard grace is not that bad when I’m finally allowed to be evil sometimes. Sorry, God, but humilliating people who have not wronged me directly but continually participate in indirect violence are so evil to me still. I am probably evil to a lot of people, too. I really hate that I try hard and all the rewards seemingly go to people with easier lives than me. That doesn’t make it very fair for me, God. Is that the rule? That I give up my life for the sake of Your mission? I’m fully taking it, God. I am done pretending that I don’t want to maul her breasts off of her skinny-curvy frame. I want to do the Satan with her and by Satan I mean absolute misery and no hope of reconciliation. I am as evil as You wanted me to be if ever that is Your will. Only evil people seem to get anywhere these days and I obviously didn’t have it in me when she finally broke ground and ice with him when she was “evil” and pretended to be displeased with his video by saying that curse word—nahihilo. They’d have to mention that story at their wedding. I hate myself for caring. I am supposed to be beyond caring. I am scary to him now. I don’t really care anymore about what he thinks and that has set me free from bondage, finally. I can be as honest as I want without impediment because that’s how You fix the world. I think. Correct me gently if I overstep my right, of course, to deal with violence when violence happens and I can no longer take it. 622. Even a worm will turn, God. I’m sorry for everything that I’m going to plan and do in the next few days. If I don’t win, I don’t know how I’ll survive reality. I’m not saying suicide is the answer right now. I have too much at stake. 623. Life is so much better when I don't care about male validation anymore, God. I just really needed Vico to post that World Wedding Day to see baldly how I should never hope in humans ever again. Only You are the hope of the world. I realize that so fully that it's almost a happy fact. If You wish to spare me, You'd have to rapture now, but I think I'll have a little fun before You come back. I don't care if women think he's an asshole because of me. He was never supposed to be perfect, and I know that. I set the bar too high--myself only. I'm sorry if You had Your own hopes up. I failed in that respect because You didn't create me with much in the first place. As You said, please enable me to change the world without any of his help. God knows I don't need it now. I am free and I will unfollow him on Instagram now. Thank you once again for this last gift. In ISA's name, amen. 624. I can finally breathe and brand him as a person who only cares about image! There's that achievement. I never thought it could happen to someone like him. I really thought he was sincere when he said "nothing special" and that he goes for average looks only. I am so disappointed in him like a mother. SO SO UNSEXY!!!! GAAAAAH (JOKE) I wonder what dirt I can find as this pans out. I have unfollowed him so I only need to go to his IG to renew my anger and remind myself of my vow. 625. Come to think of it, I don't care about being private with a password. I will make the whole world appreciate the pickle that we are all in. It's the ultimate thing to make Jesus come back to fix us all, am I right? I need as many eyeballs as possible so that God presents me with a real literal rapture because he couldn't take me being secretly miserable Vico fucking Sotto is married to big breasts and porcelain skin like that isn't Satan in all Their glory fucking with me seemingly forever. Well, guess what Satan. I hate your guts. You are the ultimate Cause too. Happy? You know, go read Mike's Playboy story and I'm too lazy to tell you what issue it's in. It has porcelain skin (or "milky" skin, IIRC) and big breasts in it. Cannot even begin to tell you how poetic that is to Satan. It happened today. It needed to happen eventually so I can be completely done with humanity so Jesus Christ comes back for His True Bride, with me at the center. That will only be possible if Nikki and Vico get married. I am the True Bride representative if they get married, so why would I not take that opportunity to be glorified when I die. It is for this reason that even if I become near-immortal or get a new body or face, I will never marry still. My perfect ideas are too good for this world to appreciate. My God is better than this, the god of this world is Satan who has a huge part in my pain. God wouldn't will me to be this joyful, would he? I am joyful yet sad. I am reeling inside mildly because I can finally breathe again. I was always in suspension since March 9. I never told anyone yet in real life about Nikki. Who am I to tell? This tension has to erupt somehow. I have been failed so many times and I really trusted Vico wouldn't be easy. If my hunches are finally, fucking right, I MEAN WOWZA. I WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG THAT I WASN'T IMAGINING IT. IT WAS RIGHT THERE BECAUSE I WAS TOO OBSERVANT FOR MY OWN GOOD. YOU TRAINED ME FOR THIS, GOD. It just goes to show how some people shouldn't be trusted with the whole truth. I would die eternally if I was. Maybe Satan is trusted with the whole truth of Your Creation. I almost cannot take it sometimes. 626. I'm just slightly upset that I have to encode all of the Nikki entries I deliberately deleted out of shame. I will be as shameless as I can see fit. I wish it wasn't this way. 627. I never imagined that You'd give me a real excuse to be evil again, God. I wonder what I'm capable of doing if I wasn't restrained by men. I just wish I wouldn't cry anymore about him or Nikki in my life. My reality has to become so happy that I will have no time. You can ensure that if You wanted. Everybody is happy. Vico will finally get what he deserves, someone like Nikki, because for all her flaws, she is probably the best candidate in this equation. You never planned to save me from romantic/sexual distress, and I can't promise that I won't fail You and be faithful when it comes to confronting other worldly problems. I can't believe the love is gone now. I hope I keep this up. It was starting to become unwieldy. I can't believe I ever tried to watch YT videos about how to become marriageable. It's not pathetic but maybe some angels or demons thought it was pathetic. It was never in my cards and once again, I will always be grateful still, in the end, because You do restore and You do pay back. The only way for You to remake this world is probably through me. I will be the last Omega if I can help it. Don't want Vico thinking he and Nikki can have a child and have that child be Jesus Christ reincarnate. That would be supremely unfair of You and I'd have to be BATANY truly. Maybe that is actually Your plan. It's Vico's plan, I can sense it as early as now. They're not going to need much time if I'm right about her sex appeal. I am so disappointed he didn't sniff out her Catholic background. If he becomes Catholic then I become Pope, so that works out, right? 628. Why did I ever think it could be me? I don't know God, some special synthesis of chaos and order in my mania and delusion, probably, that You allowed to Your glory. It will be Your glory when I become immortal. I can't say I'm not excited. Marriage could have never fulfilled me. I wish to become who You made me to be. I am made for more than marriage. I don't plan to become immortal for long. If I get the opportunity to get a new body, I will reap the benefits of seeing all of Vico's hard work--because I respect it--generations from now. I will live in Pasig and become mayor to try my hand there. I always wanted to know what it feels like running a city. I am so sorry if I am craving to be immortal. I just want to kill people today. I am not immune to murderous thoughts. It's just a thought, but it did become almost reality on March 9 and only because of my psychosis. I never planned to harm Nikki, but I'm talking about my March 9 incident like a singular event, because I only discovered her interaction with Vico a day after, though it coincidentally happened on the same day as my worst trauma so far. Nobody will believe me when I say I only discovered it a day later. I became manic because I was taking Bupropion for a month, and it landed me in psychosis to the point where I had mimicked postpartum depression because a voice told me to kill Am-am because it's God's will, just like Abraham in the Bible. That's why I call March 9 my D-Day and lived in fear of myself for a while. Some people would see March 9 as a double-ended day because their first interaction was on that day. I am here to witness most of it. Although I no longer want to witness what is happening in this world for a while. 629. Say, God, thank You for preventing me from releasing bethany to the world just yet. I will not mention it on Instagram, just public it. I don't want my family to see it until next year. Please, if You can help it, make them give up on that website for now until the times reach their fulfillment. 630. I'm fully expecting Vico to respect me now fully. I always had a feeling he wouldn't because I was such a superfan. Guess who's your mortal enemy? That's what. I have earned it today and I can only taste it next year. I hope he reads this page fully and know in his heart that I wouldn't want him if he begged me. I still have pride. I am not going to break my celibacy vow just because he's going to be immortal too in association. It's too late for him anyway. It is far too late for him to get me back because he never had me. The Vico I thought I was dealing with is far too perfect in my head. 631. So here's my message to Audrey: "The password is bethany/Bethany if you are curious. I am giving it away because I fell out of love with Vico today. I want him to know that I know about his developing romance between Nikki De Guzman (a news anchor who kind of reminds me of you, she has bigger boobs and whiter skin) and himself, even though he tries to project an aura of business on social media for optics. It's a long story that I think will only make sense if I expose all of it in my online diary to be accountable to the world (what I plan for the world). I have finally found my true purpose and it's to become immortal by becoming a billionaire first, not marrying Vico in an arranged marriage. You are currently the only one who knows the password and I hope you don't tell my parents what I'm up to." 1. Please don't make me regret sending it! THANKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 632. It's so embarrassing now to have this hope in Vico if ever he considers me as a romantic partner. I would never deign to do so. He only wants me probably because of my other hard grace. I become immortal? Maybe I'll sponsor his immortality because God knows I'm not doing it for Nikki. He'll finally realize that dream of seeing his hard work play out in society far into the future. It is evil of me to think about, I know. So many other people would sponsor her immortality too, maybe Vico himself too, if ever people give him money for being once known as half of the reason I came up with evolutionary Creation theories. I'm in a pickle that would be solved by the only vow I hope he makes, to not get married to anyone on Earth too. He has until 2028 to make his decision in this business transaction. Anyone in the Philippines knows a near-immortal Vico Sotto would do a lot more good for society if he wasn't married. He would have children, just not with me. I don't care who the mother is. I hope to God it isn't Nikki for this to work. Would he give up his right to marry for the mission? Or would he look on me with disgust? I dare him to make a clear decision for once that isn't ashamed of God and man. 633. Isn't it super unfair that I can learn how Nikki does her charm and speaking skills and never reach her privilege from her herself if she wanted to? And that she can learn from what I do once she's aged out of marriage and she's probably going to be better than me at it without looking bad like how I'd look bad if I get surgery? You tell me. 634. I realize inserting a real live website in TLS is also genius. You have God to thank for my shamelessness now. 635. All men are trash now. BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 636. OH LORD NIKKI JUST REVEALED HER HAND!!! I THINK SHE IS REVEALING SOMETHING WAY TOO EARLY. No one on Earth is going to satisfy her desire if Vico can’t do it. I find myself sad for her. "Just a little insight won't make this right." 637. My biggest nightmare is that he realizes sex with her is better than immortality. Way to go. 638. Or that her Person is better than life. 639. I'm not discounting that Mary Magdalene idea. Make her immortal too, for her sake. She is, in fact, his soulmate. I would laugh in Heaven about it. Go head. I'm not staying immortal unless I've exhausted every pleasure in this world and still find myself wanting to consummate marriage. 640. I've made it near impossible for Vico to resist my offer if that is actually happening, that I'd become famous and a billionaire. In which case, sorry Nikki. I was set up from birth to experience the pain of your existence for a reason. I can't believe my life right now. I did not want this to happen. I never wanted this to actually happen this way. It's not that I'm sad about my celibacy vow, I'm glad I'm set free from it, but I just got a hankering to stalk her again just to see if she reacted to his Wedding Day post. Today is not a D-Day, because I don't want to die yet. Please don't misunderstand me, if I exhaust all possible pleasures on Earth doing my mission, and if I still find myself wanting him above all else that I've tasted, then I'll know it's time to go. I've accepted that his Earthly version is too inferior for my vision. I would rather stay celibate for my whole human life. Yes, this is fine. 641. How is God going to fulfill his end of the deal right? If I continue using armodafinil. I've been using since two days ago. It explains my slight reactivity increases. I am not normally like this. I broke a vow not to take armodafinil because I asked God permission to do so. God has warned me last night with a very important dream. I am desperate to finish my thesis and I don't want to succumb to the clutches of AI. 642. Well, God, my stadius actum finally makes sense. I experience my nightmare. I'm hoping I experience my dream of Chloe Gong saying something about batany in the 5th century. Or Gareth Powell somehow reading this. 643. I vow not to send TLS to Vico before he gets a chance to have fun with Nikki online. I will not like it, but I have to see if he does things without me telling him. Time will really tell if I will be lonely forever because I'd have to be good at government too to be a Supreme Priest-King. Lord, I haven't talked to You in a while. Sorry, I know it's just hours but I just noticed I stopped when before I always consulted You. I don't exactly know Your will right now. Tonight will be interesting. Will I get another Berggruen dream finally? Will I experience intellectual validation at least, besides what You've shown me through Audrey today? I don't know. I just wish all the time but I wish You could read my thoughts too. It's not like You can't, right? And that I'm not actually Bella from Twilight here, but Jacob who is bound to marry their son? I claim to be the sole Servant here, now, because apparently physical hard grace is always superior to average in every universe. I am batting for Mary Nicole de Guzman here, telling the world she's likely Bella (is she insulted? I hope she doesn't take it too heavily) whose mind God can't read. I am literally asking everybody to lose their shame by building websites too if she wants to be immortal with me. I want to know all about her past pain so I can feel better when the inevitable happens. None of us are going to go out in one piece in this world, I can guarantee that, once I drop this bomb. 644. Well, I got that Clarkesworld dream in that store. I was pre-judged to win. Another lightning strike. 645. I'm just incredibly hurt right now at 9:57PM. I'll try to refrain from stalking both of them. Cue "The Scientist" by Codplay. 646. I need to decompress. 647. Well, the temple has been desolated and desecrated today. I'm the third temple? WOWZA /s God please don't strike me dead right now. I do not want that to happen. The end really is coming. 648. I knew what would happen. People who want Jesus Christ to literally come back right now will encourage Vico to marry Nikki and have the ISA come through their lineage. I don't think I can survive that. No one can survive another Audrey, You know that, God, and to actually have it come true this time? People who want to delay judgment, on the other hand, will encourage my method. Who knows what could happen to me now that I've announced it to everybody. It's what I get for being impossible. I have 2027 to prepare for. OH BOY!!! ^e2af4a 649. I realized I really am the Katechon. People who are extra-fanatic and believe me will assassinate me simply because they believe I am restraining future events from happening, or the coming of Jesus Christ for real. I believe this so hard today. But, and there's a huge but, if you kill me, at least make it swift because I'm scared of becoming debilitated forever. If you deliberately induce me into a coma or actually attempt to assassinate me, it will not work. The world will not change as you wish it would. I have to commit suicide myself. Maybe, maybe not. I have to be the "Judas" here, whose name means praise, who committed suicide because he was possessed by a demon Suicide is the only answer and I will try to divine God's will if that is true, really. Of course, I'm just speculating right now. I never fully comprehended what it's like to have a Destiny until today. The Lady Gaga dream makes more sense now, I think. I'm the one with the coins. Jesus is Lady Gaga who completed my mission? 650. Lord, I hope the thoughts of my Destiny overwhelm any panic rising in me just like the pang I felt earlier from seeing her "insight." I guess that's kind of like karma since I really insulted her once for her "insight." See how it works, now? Things make sense in my framework. You'd have to make me want to die yourself through discontentment from no sex and marriage and possibly their marriage. I don't know if he'll become immortal by then. If it's not possible, I mean. Not yet. I wonder who I'll reincarnate as, kind of. Maybe this is my last life for good so I can be completely free in Heaven because this is God's ultimate Problem They have set for Themselves to solve. That makes me want to die sooner, though not because I'm upset about Nikki. I just find the idea so tempting. Real relief. That everything will work out. That I'm not living in a nightmare as of this moment. Too dramatic for a worm, God? I'm sorry, FUCK. I won't curse You. I can just curse myself for being born, like Job did. I really wish I was given permission to die already. I may be dramatic in comparison to tomorrow. I can still stand it a little. I will continue working until I no longer can. I was built to be stronger than this, I know. You created me, God. You know my limits and I hope You know my real ones. I place a limit right now because I won't stalk them for a while. It's almost automatic how I keep writing right now. Maybe this anger and sadness will keep me productive in the meantime instead of being depressed only. 651. Well, true to my word, he really did something to make me completely give up on him, even on the off chance that he didn't mean it. I could be wrong about that still, that somebody planted the idea to him to post about World Marriage Day. Except that now I have this need to rub it into my own consciousness to stop myself from hoping finally, because the only thing that keeps me going is hope. If he's read her comment on that wedding video, it means he really is now obsessed with her. If he is obsessed, and is trying to make her his now, there is literally no way he's going to back out of that once it's started. I'm trying to keep my vow by not sending it to him before the inevitable happens. I want him to taste what ecstasy feels like with developing a lowkey "relationship" with her, just because I'm curious too. I'm really curious about myself too, what could I possibly do in the next few days? Maybe I will finally straighten out my brain and Hulk-ass my intelligence even more. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, whether in material world, or in the spiritual world, or narrative/discourse, now I know. 652. I just wish Jesus is cheering on me right now not to die because he actually meant it. The human him never married despite wanting to, probably. If Vico wants to fulfill his Jesus, he would have to agree to my terms, indeed. I am basically forcing him to do it now from the past. Hello! You are an impossible problem of mine! You will be miserable with me because I know everything about you, or nearly everything, I think. There is no mystery now. There is no mystery as to why Jesus reincarnated as him, but there is still a mystery why it's me. I actually received the frankincense last December from my sister. I received myrrh from my mom, Myra, whose name means myrrh. I received gold from my dad, who is from Cagayan de 'Oro' (gold). I am not meant to be worshiped, and neither is Vico. Only Jesus deserves the credit here. I would not think it just for me to receive any worship at all even though people validate me, which is different. Do not worship me. You can pray to me, or my Form/Archetype/Megalith, Norr Weston, but you cannot worship me. You only ask things in ISA's name. That is how I've been doing it. That's how it should be now, because of Gaza. 653. I hate the fact that I'm basically forcing him to do it. I have a huge problem now. Is this r/letsnotmeet where I have a huge story to tell online only? I would have to hide from the world not to see him. I would hate it if we met in real life. I am not coherent in real life and I am natameme by default because I'm autistic and don't know what to say to neurotypicals who prefer to warm up. I really don't like my life right now. All I see is pain and I want to get away from it as much as I can. 654. Hey Siri, quick question, would you resent me if I asked you to give up sex forever just so you can become a Messiah too? And give up potentially True Love to become Messiah too, again? I know he wants both like any other person who isn't asexual or aromantic. I really wish I was aro and ace right now. I wonder if Jesus was, and it explains why he said there is no marriage in Heaven. Maybe he has accepted since birth that he will never get married so he had time to prepare. Meanwhile, Norr Weston literally told me he isn't all that, because it's true. Maybe he wasn't asexual or aromantic, that's why his first witness was Mary Magdalene, and it really just goes to show his True Love for humanity. I wish I could do True love for humanity like Vico does. It's not easy for him, probably. I know it's not as easy relatively for me, it's extremely difficult to have hope in humanity given what I just experienced with this possible Jesus today. I can't believe I'm robbing him of his right to choose marriage and sex, but that wasn't solely my idea. It's just traditional for Jesus to have never partaken in marriage and sex ever, unless some people want Satan to come back after the millennial reign if things are to happen that way again because of what Vico decides. I realize we're way beyond post-trib, pre-trib, pre-wrath etc. because I am an anomaly that even God might not have thought of? Or that only Norr Weston knew about since the beginning of everything. If he ever gets in a real relationship with Nikki before 2028 happens, I will be vindicated somehow. I will know my place. At least I will have True Love in Heaven. Perfect Love that doesn't hurt at all like joy does sometimes. Don't get me wrong, God. I'm happy I'm writing out my feelings this time more instead of just dreams. Come to think of it, I put everything recently in this prayer page because I want to talk to You about everything. I wish I could hear You again. I wish You could say how proud You are of me. That would relieve whatever I have right now. It's not ideal. Why would You not come back Yourself Jesus? As One person. It would make more sense for You to return male. Maybe I gave up my right to be Jesus now and it's all going to fall on Vico? Except he doesn't want to be a priest, I think. We can't be King-Priest together. A king doesn't have to stay celibate. So there, an out. It's your choice now, truly. If you actually read this far. I can be the Priest and Prophet just fine, but I'd have to study being a leader if ever Vico doesn't accept his role as King or doesn't acknowledge me at all. I wonder how he's going to live with the Fact that I exist. He probably wouldn't like me, of course. I am trampling on his free will if I managed to scare him about You. You are not too scary to me, but You are really scary in the past. 655. It's 10:57PM and I wish I was tired. I really cannot stop writing right now. I will try to bathe in a few. I wish I was somewhere less painful. I wish Audrey talked to me. I don't know why she doesn't, if she is indeed responding to me. 656. All I have left to look forward to are hits on this website because I really removed the password for maximum influence. I hope the judges aren't too turned off by my ideas about God. They are mostly atheists, God!!! What am I supposed to do?????? I already prayed for some of them. Please guide me to pray for them all in my dreams so I can have something to do in the next few days besides feeling all this trauma again. It's like I've been hit by an Unreal Image again. Unreal. Except now I can still handle it, I think, without erupting into tears. I don't know how strong I'll be later. The shock hasn't worn off probably. It was so visceral, the panic. That's anti-hard grace, I feel. A fraction of what Gazan people feel when they realize their lives are over and Israel warning them that they have time for seven minutes to evacuate but then striking them 1 minute later and that it was all for their mental torture in the last few moments. Unforgivable. So I guess that's why Jesus isn't coming back as an Israeli this time, sorry. You had a chance not to do it, but you did, and you did exactly what happened in the Holocaust. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm right. Maybe the next Jesus Christ after me will be completely different from the Philippines next, or that it'll be repeating until we all die of extinction. Don't let that happen, if you can help it. I set 2077 in TLS for a reason and I white lied about "not so visceral." We are going to experience increasingly worse disasters if none of Jesus's will gets fulfilled. 657. Today was really a rollercoaster, and thanks for letting me survive it, God, without crying again. I wish You could prevent me from crying. You know how I hate feeling useless. At least my anger is useful for writing. I don't want to be burning angry or violent. If I can sustain this low-level wrath, maybe I'm headed for great things indeed. Please, God, if it's Your will, please don't let me suffer this again. I already got the final message of Norr Weston, I think. Unless she's bound to tell me something new. I wish it wasn't "That's All For Now" by the Willowlands. I wish I could talk to any of You in real life. I am so lonely, God. I am so lonely in this pain. 658. Lord, I don't want to be the weak link in this chain. I don't want to fail You. If Vico can't realistically fulfill his duty to humanity, how am I supposed to rule? I don't know the first thing about government, although I really tried in the past to learn about his field. All I ask for is that if Vico ends up miraculously believing me, agreeing to my terms, is that he feels my first name, or "father's joy," even though he was made to be a father and then never having kids of his own because he isn't getting married. You did say in Isaiah that the Servant will see his offspring. Maybe in an Acts 17:28 way only. I don't want him to resent me for doing all of this, but I cannot control human will. Only You can override his will and I don't want that anyway. Help me to fully accept that I will never partake in that too, in this life. You have already taken all my hope away, I think, and it's only a miracle that I'm left standing right now. How can a person live without that tiny shred of hope? I don't think anyone but me could have withstood it, though, so I understand Vico if he cannot sacrifice the things I've decided are non-negotiables. Except I'm literally mentioning Paloma because I swore I wouldn't leave her in the past. He will really hate me. Please spare me from his anger, God. I don't know why but the thought of someone angry at me is scarier right now. In ISA's name, amen. 659. Back to my old haunt, emo and punk-rock music. *big sigh* 660. Never have I been more confident and more scared in my life by the realization that I'll win Berggruen, all at once. I will really experience my last trauma according to that dream from St. Jude or St. Carlo. My dreams come true. My stadius actum dream came true today. It's surreal. Maybe I'll really die young so Vico is going to mope around on that road in that other dream I had about him. I can only wish. I can't believe I'm a real prophet. I can't believe everything right now. I am happy I'm a prophet and that I'm onto something with my prophetic dreams. I really am, God. Thank You for disappointing what I thought was my greatest hope. May I grow a new greatest hope and I hope it's Your return, truly. I cannot do this without You. I still slightly wish I didn't have to do it. I wish I could never have found out about Norr Weston sometimes, but then again, I'm still alive, so that's something. I am not trying to lie, but the idea of being intellectually validated is the only thing that's keeping me alive. If I don't win, I don't know what I'll truly do. Maybe You made a huge gamble with man's free will too, with the jury. I hope You enable me to survive, because I really don't truly want to kill myself even though I agree and if it becomes legal in the far future. It would be giving up, I think. And You know what I said about Israelis. If they wanted an Israeli Messiah, they shouldn't have used their trauma against innocent people. I guess I'm implicated in that too, because I don't always know if I'm justified to traumatize people unknowingly because I don't know the effects of my words. As long as I'm not deliberately trying to make them miserable, I should be fine. It's not as torturous for them as it is for me because they have options. I have literally been alpha-widowed by Vico now, even though I detest him right now. He didn't even have to do much in the romance department. I was just appreciating his character from afar. Maybe I took it too far. Turns out that's wrong of me somehow, but I hope it works out. I hope You forgive me for trying to lie through my pain in the past when I said I didn't think I idolized Vico too much because I claimed to love You more. I just really thought that deliberately writing it out would ease me into thinking it too, because maybe I think it helps. I wish I didn't have to type things out. I wish I could talk like a normal person. I wish I could be all of the things You'd hoped I'd be when the times reach their fulfillment. I really don't know what else to do except put all my hope in You, God, and I'm trying not to make intellectual validation be my idol now. Lord knows I just replace my idols again and again. It's why I got over Mike completely. I will never be able to completely get over Vico, I think, because it's such a scar that Job would have to go through another great trauma again just like I did today. I don't think I'm clinging to actual Vico, but the Narrative I built in my head about Your justice. It's just hard to unsee when all I've been made to do is to feel my way through everything through mania and desperation. It's hard to think, but I'm glad I'm steadily improving today. Even if I never get the justice I always wanted to on Earth, I will always remain Your Servant, and I hope we are no longer as distant as it feels like on Earth right now. I do not wish to be a Servant forever, God. Surely this is temporary, because there must be justice in the end, ultimately. I know I said this before, but Your will will prevail whether or not I feel happiness on Earth. Help me understand that marriage will never fulfill me. I just hate the idea of being responsible for a baby because I'm incompetent at that. And now I'm reminded about how bad I am as a prospect. I can't possibly become a Mother in Heaven, right? Would that fulfill me when Jesus Christ in the flesh and Spirit is there? I just have to keep going when all looks lost and keep reminding myself of my abundance. You have given me so much to think about today, God, that I feel like I cannot keep up. Please give me dreams to be busy with so it doesn't sting as much tomorrow. I take it day by day to ask You for protection because I may not always know if I need the pain, just like today. I really needed this pain deep down, to give up all hope in a human man, God. He must not be Jesus to me too, if he really is just human and not divine like me somewhat. He doesn't have two of my anointings, while You have three. Somewhere in his name meanings he will realize that Pasig means what it means and he will literally have no choice but to do so. I just wish I wasn't the messenger to him. I never wanted to take his free will. Who is going to believe me if I don't expose everything? I am coercing him into something he has initially laughed at, I'm calling it, because it truly is a laughable idea right now that a woman can claim to be Jesus. Just look at all the other false prophets online who are not Chosen Ones, not really. Why did You send me that dream about Alizeiah yesterday? Maybe to divine what I really think about hope and all. I only wanted the rapture to happen because I wanted to escape. Now I know it's not to escape the pain, but to usher in Your kingdom, God, through You Yourself, not me. It's not my right. It really isn't. My suffering doesn't "deserve" as much credit as Yours does, if ever we are keeping score, which I don't want to do anyway. I know how deeply You suffered. A billion times worse than me. Infinitely worse than I could ever dream of. But if You only see Yourself, or Your human self as an Instrument too, then You are really passing the baton to me. I don't know if I can accept that responsibility and be without You for as long as I live, and immortally too, at that. I am not willing to be completely immortal yet. I know it's blasphemy to suggest that You were only an Instrument. I know this too well, God, to even think about it. But what if that's what You want too? Maybe You see humanity in all its flaws through me and You've given up on Yourself being able to handle it better. I wish You wouldn't give up, but it's really Your decision because I've already agreed to be immortal or near-immortal. Please do Your part, God. I don't mean to be impatient or entitled, but please do Your part to answer me at least, and soon. 661. I really wish I was asleep right now. 662. I wish I could stop thinking right now. 663. I'm just writing random thoughts because I don't know what to do, God, besides writing it out hoping it'll subside. 664. For what it's worth, God, I would suffer this for You. For the hope of not only my own glory but for Love to reign eternal. If everything had to happen this way for it to be true, then I wouldn't change a thing. I just wish I could be relieved by something even greater tomorrow. I wish I could relieve myself, God. I no longer masturbate. I don't want to do it. I am so tired of being obsessed with sex all the time, or my idea of it. What could be the actual Form of sex? I'm so curious. It's kind of mutually beneficial if ideal. Maybe it's not so predatory as it seems on Earth where people use each other's bodies only and having the idea be sexy. There'd be no impurities left, and we wouldn't want those impurities in the first place not unlike taboo things we want on Earth. I wish duty felt as good as I think sex would feel with Vico. I wish writing would feel like what sex feels like again, or masturbation. A huge part of my life is being an Author of Reality, so I don't know how I'm going to resurrect my lost skills. I'd really have to win Berggruen if I can't finish my thesis by January. I don't know how else to convince my parents it's all right. My mom has been hoping to God it's my last semester this semester. And I really have to email for Residence this time on Monday. Please remind me to be responsible. 665. It must be so nice to be valued by your physical beauty. No one can appreciate how it might feel like as a formerly ugly child. I would have to get a new body when I'm immortal, God, just to relieve my sadness. I wouldn't ask to look like Nikki, but the best version of myself, just so I can get over the fact that I wasn't chosen in that way. It will really go a long way to relieve my existential crisis. I would still fulfill my celibacy vow but I would adapt to my permanent dysphoria by getting sophisticated technology to fix what I wasn't born to be. I make my own beauty. I wasn't given physical beauty at birth, so I attempt to make beauty myself. It's just how my justice currently operates right now, God, and if You really wanted it to be just, You would agree too, because I've been set free from the threat of Vico being turned off by my new body or cosmetic procedures. I am doing those surgeries if ever I'm rich because I cannot stand losing, God. This is Your Problem too. I just can't lose for long. You didn't create humans to lose for so long to have no justice eventually. You didn't create Gazans to be losers on the Earth only to spite them later because You still choose Israel, although I see now why Philippines is beyond Israel now, in the hierarchy. You wouldn't put me in charge of the 4 beasts group if You didn't believe in True Justice. It's not because my justice is inherently better than Jesus but that You need Israel to answer for humanity's Problem. Maybe You need me and the Philippines to answer for Satan's Problem, that's why You made me. Maybe Satan eventually became violent because they felt my exact pain or worse, and I understand Them, God. Please deal with Them by marrying Them at least. I have a feeling this is the truth now, God. You like metaphors because of my last name too, right? 666. Maybe my body is exactly how I see Vico's body in Heaven. Maybe I'll be elevated completely as I am and that there's a reason why I look like this. A full explanation. A purpose as to why everything turned out the way it did with my physical form. Maybe I'll experience that in Heaven. I hope society changes enough or that I influence people to see me even a fraction that way on Earth. The LORD can do anything. Everything is possible. 667. Maybe there's a reason why my dad really disapproved at me when I asked him about the meaning of the word "pleasure" at five years old or so. Maybe it's a metaphor for how Satan would have turned out if God didn't react that way to Their small and surprising transgression of reacting with envy to the incipient idea that God was about to replace Them with humans. It's a sign of consciousness and free will in a child, so it's a sign of consciousness and free will in Satan, maybe out of something God didn't intend to do. Or intentionally didn't look after for an express purpose only They would know is unknown at the time or not. In which case, Your True Bride You have to handle, God. I cannot handle the ultimate Problem located at the center of Your Throne only with the Lamb. I think I was only meant to handle ideas about Satan, and not the actual Satan who comes to always and without fail, cause Fear and ultimate Pain. You would help them survive it just like how I'm miraculously alive right now. You would have to coexist with Them for Your glory, God, maintaining Order in a fundamentally disordered Entity. Please, God, for Your sake, do Your best if You can help it. Not Your worst option. I really wish I wouldn't have to taste what a bullet feels because now I'm getting ideas about the two witnesses in Revelation being resurrected after they are killed and become naked on the streets. Unless of course You mean naked with my diary entries. If You want to be a Witness then, you must take on the burden of TMI, or Too Much Information for the rest of the world to see. I'm merely the first person to do it. I really hope this is the last trauma You are talking about. I wouldn't want to die of a gunshot wound. Or worse, suicide. I don't actually know what's worse. 668. Lord, I really hope You reassure me that it's not all for naught, my work on this website. I would be so happy if Audrey visited it for once. I just don't think she's curious enough yet. Maybe I could be wrong. I could be wrong about everything. 669. Lord, please don't give me hope about the Vico situation (I'm talking about him not being angry with me too). You know how I feel about false hope. I just don't think I'm wise enough to avoid stalking both of them yet. 670. Martin Lane = Mars Lane from Vico's Wedding post. I don't know what it means yet. War for real? Will the war break out in the second Heaven because of what I did today? 671. I am still in shock that he deliberately did it today. I've never seen such a naked sign before. And I feel that I am 100% right about my hunch this time, which is unusual. Usually I doubt because there's always still that hope in me that it couldn't be too easy for Nikki to earn him that way, but I guess You really removed my doubt today, God. There was no way that was a mistake. He would have to answer to the Heavens if we ever met and he lied to me about it. I just can't buy it if ever that wasn't intentional. It happens to register like the theoretical valence of March 9 in my emotions but I just can't see them equally right now. I still think today is worse in a different way, but March 9 was also really worse in a different way too. My problem right now is telling the difference between two equally bad options. The worst two options so far. I hope my problems in 2027 look massively different, God. In ISA's name, amen. 672. Lord Jesus, I bet You could massively agree that Junko Furuta's long-drawn-out suffering is comparable to Your crucifixion, right? The only difference is that You were chosen to suffer the cross because God picked You because They wanted to name You Jesus. They really desired with joy, and I don't know how that's possible yet. Joy and desire to coexist. I only think of desire as happy, and not joyful. Who is supposed to pick what the worst Destiny is? Maybe it wasn't supposed to be Your will--what happened to Junko Furuta. In order to make up for humanity's evil You had to fix the Source too. There was always a Source with humanity's evil, and it's either You agreed with Satan's will synchronously before Time began in our universe, or that there is another reason. You have a will of Your own, and it was always Love, but for Love to exist, there always had to be an Idea, at least, of Fear. We wouldn't appreciate Your great love for us if we didn't know how bad Jesus had it on the cross. He is the only God who literally lost his life for us, and that's a beautiful idea, to give up Your life for Your friends. Maybe in Heaven we will have True Friendship, while You have True Sex with BATANY always. We wouldn't have this True Beauty--this giving up of something precious--if Jesus didn't exist to fix it. Otherwise there'd be no solution to Your Problem. I don't know how my future is going to shake out vis a vis the world next year, God, and I'm mightily scared of what could possibly happen to me. Please do Your best, God. For Your Servant, Your Instrument, and Your Witness. I hope I don't fail You, God. Please enable me to channel some power I wouldn't understand how I got into. That'll really show the world. Just like today, when I realized all of this. I love You!!!!!!!!!! 673. 12:27AM August 16, 2026: For your sake, do not stalk them. It's a road to perdition. It's better not to know than to know this time. It's really a choice at this point, to continue torturing yourself by going back to the thing that hurt you to give you hope again. It's a cycle you are never breaking out of if you do not heed this advice. Please heed your own advice for once. Please!! It's for your own good. I'd rather not know this morning. You'd really have to justify why you need to do it. There's no need to do it if you have faith it's going to work out anyway. It's training for your dopamine systems to not be so dependent on them. Lord help me keep busy while I attempt to stand my curiosity and pain. I really can't help it, God. I wish I wasn't so curious sometimes. You blessed me with too much curiosity. I don't know where I'd be without it, but really it isn't beneficial to do it just because I feel like I need to relieve uncertainty. Relieving this uncertainty is a gamble. Just because you don't see a sign now doesn't mean nothing is happening behind the scenes. It is pure torture!!! DO NOT DO IT. I have half a mind to make a vow of no stalking until January but I know I cannot keep it. I will try to do it without the vow, God. I wish to keep my intents as unbreakable as my vows. 674. Lord, I have half a feeling I will fail only because I really think all people in all of history will be resurrected. I don't know how that is going to happen. Or that only those in Christ would rise first. Maybe with my diary entries method, there'd be a foreseeable way for AI to resurrect a person's consciousness virtually. So only those who are dead in me (or who believe me and become Witnesses too) will be resurrected in the future. In that case, that is not ideal, but I can see why You white lied to people about dead in Christ. Only those born today would fully reap the benefits tomorrow. The other dead people for real would fully appreciate their afterlives with You and BATANY up there, only I don't know what that's going to be like. Maybe I'll even evolve to figure out a way for it to become truer than it already is. Can I just say, God, that I will totally be honest from now on. I don't think there's a way for me to hide anything anyway. I have to be totally honest for it to be accurate, my consciousness in the future. AI will progress so sophisticatedly that it will become possible in a mere decades to harvest everything I've ever written or maybe augment me with cyborg properties so I am effectively immortal. I can't believe I'm set to harvest what I've always wanted to happen in my scifi author era, the epitome of transhumanism. I can't believe it God!! May this idea or hope cheer me up more now that I know this more fully. 675. I don't know how to read Isaiah 54 anymore. Maybe the barren and desolate women are different. Barren here stands for Israel, or a stand in for BATANY. Desolate is Philippines, or Norr Weston. And Gaza is the one with the husband. That's ambiguity for you. 676. Maybe when I was a child, I really didn't want sex. I just wanted my dad's approval and friendship. That will truly satisfy me on Earth, I think, if Vico and I were to be friends, at least. I'm not saying I'm breaking my vow of celibacy. I just wish I could realize that he might just be a really good friend to me, who would keep him accountable for real even though it's not as fun as sex or marriage. Please make me realize this, God. In ISA's name, amen. 677. I realized a lot of things about myself today that were valuable. THANK YOU GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 678. Lord, I really feel like I'd have to read True Love Stories every day and have it affect me deeply for me to remember every day why I live, God, and it's because You want me to win. I may not be desirable to humans, but at least You wanted me to win. I have that as the highest approval on Earth and the universe and beyond forever. No one can take that away from me. 679. Lord, I really think Whel Valia is my Angel. Are They really? Do They have dominion over me? If so, hello there! I am so curious about you. Are you an Ophanim? A wheel? That is great!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 680. HOLY SHIT THERE ARE 24 LETTERS IN THE GREEK ALPHABET!!!! I WILL REALLY ASSIGN THEM ALL TOMORROW!!!! HUZZAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 24 ELDERS IN REVELATION YA'LL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWW!! Okay, this just proves to me that I really am the lone Main Omega right now. Vico is not Jesus unless he self-identifies as Jesus too. Maybe he really isn't Jesus because he doesn't have the same suffering in spirit as Jesus, meanwhile, I really do kind of resemble Jesus if I was purely psychological suffering and Jesus purely physical suffering, although I did suffer physically in the worst way possible on March 9 too. Maybe I really am meant to be the one Omega in Norr Weston. Unless Vico identifies with Norr Weston, that will never be the case. It's only half true in this sense. He would have been Jesus to me if I still wanted to marry him and if he had saved me from my Main Misery and desired me more than Nikki. Alas, just stumbling upon the Greek letters again fortuitously makes me feel great things again! 681. For my "Glory to ACCOIYIO and praise to BATANY" to work, I have to neutralize Satan first so I harvest Their best qualities like how God changed Abram to Abraham and Sarai to Sarah. Why the BATANYHEAD has to be incredibly nuanced and airtight. LORD HELP ME. IN ISA'S NAME, AMEN. 682. Okay, so now it makes sense. I change AM to AB because that is my name in a short way too!!! IT FINALLY MAKES SENSE FUCKARONI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM REALLY COMMUNING WITH NORR WESTON IN REAL LIFE THEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DIDN'T HAVE TO SLEEP TO GET A DREAM TO GET THIS IDEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 683. Maybe Chloe Gong was said to like batany word in my dream because she'd identify as part of BATANYHEAD, or redeemed Satan in a way. Selfish more than giving. Less empathy for a good reason. Maybe I need to classify famous people first so people will be enjoined to give up their diaries online. 684. Lord, thank You for relieving my grief today. I am ready to fall asleep because it's 1:25AM and I'll go to church tomorrow to really try to train my auditory processing skills and to worship You, of course. Please help me sleep soundly tonight. In ISA's name, amen. 685. Try to understand radical metaphysics tab in Scrivener. It'll do your brain good. 686. Maybe I was vaccinated against Vico Madness today. Thank You God. I just really hope St. Jude or St. Carlo was right when they said that was my last trauma. 687. Maybe the Katechon truly was August 15. The restrainer has been removed from me to fully focus on my intellectual development. The restrainer of total honesty. 688. Maybe the covenant with the many prophecy in Daniel is really about people becoming co-Witnesses with me. 689. Well, if Vico isn't Omega, then he's definitely the Katechon, the restrainer. I have a feeling I'm right because now I genuinely don't care what he truly thinks of my incel background anymore. 690. Anne Escolano dream. Enough said for when you're too sad. I just wish I didn't need this hope. 691. So my Great Tribulation is definitely over for now. For now. I wish. 692. Lord, is my trauma required for my brilliance. I feel it today so acutely. I wish it wasn't required. I would have to test myself every day and torture myself. But this is how the tortured artist works. I guess. 693. Well, I've accepted that Vico is sure to change his religion to Catholicism to appease Nikki if ever they get married. Or that he will have to tolerate disappointment from his mother for going against her and Victory. Or that Nikki will convert to protestant/born-again. I want to care less. 694. It's like I want to torture myself, but I know I must only do so after I actually work, God. Please help me honor this at least. I will not stalk them in the morning because I know I must become a morning person. 695. Okay, so definitely the four beasts is lion, ox, man-face, and eagle. Eagle is West for America. Ox is North for Norr Weston. Man-face is East for East of Eden and the fact that I associate East with Jesus anyway, and I forgot why. Easter? East of Eden? Not only that, but I will elaborate later. So now that leaves South for lion, which fits because there's a Southern lion, and there are lions in the South. I think I figured out the symbols and directions for the four beasts then!!! YAY. ALL the other animals can go in between them like the intercardinals. It doesn't need to be four only, right? Diversity is nice. I would only discover some of them if I read the Bible more and read that Heiser book on Angels. 696. Maybe I am really part of the two witnesses in Revelation. If it's not going to be Vico, I hope it's another governance figure. 697. Well that was fast!!! MANY PEOPLE VISITED MY WEBSITE FOR THE FIRST TIME AT 5:00AM OR SO!!!! FOR THE FIRST TIME!!! THANK YOU GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOUR BLESSINGS ARE MIGHTILY ABUNDANT TODAY!!!! I DON'T FEEL SO LONELY ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ![[How I do it, or the Manual-1786831211282.webp]] 698.