### Dreams 1. Dating a little boy innocently in a restaurant/bowling alley-type of place and I brought my own green cup 2. Going to a theater-type open-air place with my classmates and spotted a Vanessa Hudgens lookalike. I was ruminating on the structure to my left that were walls stacked in a triangular shape that I was supposed to trace, only to end up completed by a large solar panel that was the "goal" of the structure. 3. Hologram animal strategy of Christian organization 4. I was on a field trip of sorts and there was this guy whose shirt had to be shared with a lot of other people. I took pity on him and actually agreed to share the shirt more closely with him as in I had to wear it while he was wearing it (it was a white shirt). I think I led him on and he had this Spiderman gesture for me at the end where he pressed his thumbs onto my palm meant to be a "sweet" gesture of a couple (egad). This person reminded me of Entoy and Dian Que and I don't know why. 1. The name Lorenzo is a boy's name of Italian and Spanish origin that means **"from Laurentum"** or **"laurel-crowned"**. It derives from the Latin name _Laurentius_ and the word _laurus_ (laurel tree), which symbolizes victory, honor, and high achievement. 2. The name **Trinidad** is of Spanish origin and directly translates to "Trinity" or the "Holy Trinity" from the Latin word _trinitas_. It refers to the Christian theological doctrine of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. 3. The name **Dian** primarily means **"divine," "heavenly,"** or **"shining one"** as a short form of Diana. In Southeast Asian cultures like Indonesian and Malay, it stands alone to mean **"candle," "oil lamp,"** or **"torch"** symbolizing light and guidance. 4. The last name **Que** has multiple distinct origins, most commonly serving as a Chinese surname meaning =="watchtower" (from the character _Quē_ 闕) or a variant of "outer city wall" (from _Guō_ 郭), and occasionally as a Catalan topographic surname meaning "rock cliff"==. 1. Origins and Meanings 1. **Chinese (闕 / Quē):** Means "watchtower on either side of a palace gate or rampart". It originated from specific place names like _Que Li_ (the birthplace of Confucius) or from families living near palace watchtowers. [] 2. **Chinese (郭 / Guo/Guō):** Pronounced as _Que_, _Kek_, or _Kueh_ in southern Chinese dialects (like Teochew or Hokkien), meaning "outer city wall". [[1](https://www.mychinaroots.com/surnames/detail?word=%E9%98%99), [2](https://www.mychinaroots.com/surnames/detail?word=Que)] 3. **Catalan (Qué):** A geographic or topographic variant of _Quer_, meaning "rock" or "cliff". [[1](https://www.familysearch.org/en/surname?surname=que)] 4. **Vietnamese (Quế):** Derived from the Chinese surname meaning cassia or laurel tree (Gui) 5. Interpretations: now what about laurel God? 1. Mentions and Translation Debates 1. **Isaiah 44:14:** The Hebrew word _'oren_ is translated as "laurel" in several modern versions, describing a tree that a person plants and the rain makes grow, only for a portion of it to be used as firewood or shaped into an idol. Other botanical authorities argue _'oren_ actually refers to the Aleppo pine or a type of fir. [[1](https://biblehub.com/topical/c/cedars,_cypress,_oak,_laurel.htm)] 2. **Psalm 37:35:** The King James Version famously reads, _"I have seen the wicked in great power, and spreading himself like a green bay tree."_ The underlying Hebrew word (_ezrach_) literally means "native-born" or a tree growing luxuriantly in its native soil rather than being transplanted. Most modern translations adjust this phrasing to a "green tree in its native soil" rather than a specific sweet bay laurel. [[1](https://www.biblestudytools.com/dictionary/bay-tree/), [3](https://biblehub.com/topical/b/bay_tree.htm)] 2. Symbolism 1. **False Security:** In Psalms, the thriving tree metaphor illustrates how the wicked can look grand, secure, and deeply rooted for a time, before passing away. [[1](https://biblehub.com/topical/b/bay_tree.htm)] 2. **Folly of Idolatry:** In Isaiah, planting a tree to watch it grow—only to worship a carved piece of it later—highlights the spiritual blindness of manufacturing man-made idols. 6. Interpretations: maybe God is asking me to make a new interpretation method. If I can find no obvious person who reminds me of that person in the dream, then I can fill in the vaguest possible people who remind me of the person because laurel appeared twice in Entoy and Dian. ### Ruminations 1. Okay, I really don't want to talk about the specifics of my August 17 breakdown. Let's just say it started with realizing that I was naked online with gailyap.blog. I was tipped off my this edit on the "How I do it, or the Manual" page that turned into an error called "ENOENT" and I really thought I was hacked for real. It triggered me into a manic episode, honestly. And from then on it was almost exactly like March 9 except more long-drawn-out and possibly worse because I thought I survived the worst already on March 9. I had all these ruminations that kept pinging back fast, like, "will my dad stab me first in self-defense" and I really did get hankerings to kill him even if no God told me it was going to be fine. I don't know where these murderous thoughts come from except through fear or the paranoia that I will eventually go through with it. I guess it's a "fight" reaction in fight or flight because my great paranoia has to be dealt with my heightened amygdala. I had all these thoughts that kept circling around whether or not Jesus really died for people, who say, murdered their own baby sister, or if I actually deserved eternal damnation for completely forgetting about the possibility of Nikki ever reading me and feeling suicidal possibly because of the slight invasion of privacy just like ALL_GO. I had a transcript of my thoughts on that day: 1. I realized I didn’t send it to Nikki. You have to believe me. I really, swear on my Servant life, swear I didn’t send it to Nikki. I realized this at 11:21PM. I am trying to save my website because I plan to answer to the worst possible case I didn’t anticipate. 11:30PM I am writing this because I don’t know how to delete my entire website. 2. I realized I need to stay alive for the suicide suing at 11:42PM Now if only I can sleeep for real. 3. I was hacked (or realized I was hacked) with ENOENT. I don’t know how it happened but I guess I really am hacked. 4. I’m removing the link to Gailyap.blog on my Instagram at 11:45PM. 5. I don’t know how to think straight anymore at 11:48PM. I am trying to prepare for the worst possible case where both Vico and Nikki actually killed themselves because I didn’t send it to Nikki but somebody else did. 11:49PM. 6. I feel like dying internally. 7. I’m going to try to soldier on and 8. I realized there’s a button to delete the website at 11:52PM and I’m trying to find out if I can delete it while still staying alive for hearing. 9. It’s 11:53 and I don’t know how to think anymore. 10. No. I will not delete the only option to resuscitate my entire website 11:54PM because I need to stay alive for the lawsuit. I’m not going to quit until I see myself in bars forever. 11:57PM I am willing to be raped in prison. It’s what I more than likely deserve for not thinking of Nikki. 11. How could Vico sophisticatedly read everything? The only reassurance I have to not completely delete my website off the face of the planet is if I was really hacked before I even decided on August 15 not to anonymize anybody. I couldn’t be hacked 12. It’s 12:01AM August 18, 2026. I couldn’t be hacked and they’d not see me typing right now to record everything I do. 13. I’m still not going to kill myself because I really believe I’ll go to a sort of Heaven-Hell 12:03AM where I am set up to experience March 9 over and over again. It’s not the only reason why I won’t kill myself. 14. I don’t believe I deserve infinite damnation 15. Even my Notion was hacked 2. I can really say that I only survived August 17-18 because of God's grace. I kept surviving because I really had all these affirmations that I've survived this before, that the overall arc of the universe is goodness, that Jesus would bat for me, and all of those verses from Psalms that I asked my dad to recite to me so I could recite them back to him as he faithfully kept watch over my frail body. I can imagine a war in second heaven and that the good side prevailed that night. 3. Well, my dream about reaching 1.2k views on gailyap.blog came true earlier than expected. I reached 1.7k yesterday. 4. I wonder how Sydney is taking my take on her Chosen One trope. 5. Man, I'd be so happy to be shortlisted. But we all know how God's glory must work!! Please, God, if it's Your will, make me win totally!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel all of my effort from January to now has been culminated in my Berggruen entry. Everything has been adding up to this point. My Norr Weston dream. Everything. 6. How am I supposed to read dreams without obvious names, God? 7. Okay, I don't know how, but I made a beeline towards the conclusion that "God saves" even the most wicked people on March 9, which caused my almost-murderous thoughts to appear. It really felt like I had to do it, not because God told me to, but because I really thought it was inevitable for God's glory to be manifested. That sensation of inevitability is so scary and which I also experienced on August 17-18. 8. Lord, when are You truly coming back? I still wish it was now, even though I'm excited about the Berggruen win. I wouldn't trade You for the world's glories. I wish You would come back sooner than expected. 9. So the only reason why I don't have a Pasig visit yet is because either Vico hasn't read it yet, or that he uses a VPN to mask his location. I can't tell which. 10. So bad things really happen when you break vows. I vowed to never send it to Vico before Berggruen win but I had a good excuse. I got ENOENT hack. I vowed never to take armodafinil and I not only lost my life but almost my dad's life. 11. All I know is that my thoughts were so loud on August 17-18. The Holy Spirit, perhaps, helping me overcome the psychoticism? It was surreal and I really felt Their power. 12. The Trinity doctrine is foundational!! I HOPE THE BERGGRUEN JURY NOTICES THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOD, PLEASE DO YOUR THING!!!!!!!!!!!!! IN ISA'S NAME, AMEN. ### TODO - [ ] Pay Atome