### Dreams 🧫 1. I was supposed to give a presentation with Kate and other people as my groupmates. I was about high school age in this one. We were rehearsing what we were going to say and we even hired a person to illustrate our presentation’s main points on the drawing board. It was when Kate opened my uniform that I got really mad and told them that this is where it starts, dehumanizing people into objects (same as the Luis Esguerra post I saw yesterday of him posting about Suzanne Collins and Terry Pratchett). So a person’s desire to connect really, is the thing that makes some people’s desires manifest in my dreams, if I see their desire, and not my own desire which is what I thought happened with Danica Roma if I tried it myself. 2. I complained that why did I have to do sex when I’m built for brainy work. Honestly, true. Nothing significant will change in my life if I looked a little bit better except getting validation from men I don’t even want. Or this could mean Vico’s internal feelings leaking into my mind? If I didn’t know any better, I’d have assumed Vico is asexual or aromantic. It’s either he has a really dimmed sex drive or that he’s just really not into women because it’s unheard of for a man with his privilege to not at least partake in dating. 3. I had a vague dream that I was chosen and it ended in an image of a grid-cut mango. ### Ruminations 🩻 1. I really think St. Jude heard me and interceded for me. He’s helped to prepare my brain again for that context of presenting again like in high school. Although in my dream I was about to wing it again. The exposure to the anxiety will help my brain simulate actual situations. Hopefully so. Thank you St. Jude! Thank You Jesus! Please God, Norr Weston too, I need Your help specifically to help me be well-rounded. Thanks in advance. 2. All right, so I really think we should treat saints as people too. In that they don’t like to be harried for prayers if they don’t get something in return. If you only vaguely know something about them but then give them a hollow compliment that doesn’t show how much effort you’ve done in studying them, you won’t go very far, I think. 3. 738 days!!!! AAAAAAAHHHHH!!! Marami pang bigas na kakainin. 4. Why is it that I’m especially gifted to absorb other people’s desires? What do their desires speak to me? Will I remember them better now? Could come in handy in the future. It may be an underrated skill. But then people are already so obvious in real life so what really is the point of God making me absorb their desires? Danica Roma (love/obsession), Luis Esguerra (friendship/kindred spirit). 5. So I have walked 15 minutes for about 18 times now since June 15. It really accumulates. Hopefully I can keep this up. Repetitions make it automatic. I hope I automate this away so I don’t have to think about it. It took that one woman 1000+ repetitions to stop using social media by refusing the craving and rewiring it. I can rewire my brain! Lord God, St. Jude, Norr Weston, everybody please help Your servant through dreams at least. 6. What could happen to humans if we escape causality? When we’re finally able to transcend Space and Time? Is that an ideal situation? In Heaven, God will give us new problems, I think, besides worshipping Them as our best selves. But how would it work? Is God’s mission really to come down to materiality and linearity and enact a heaven-on-earth situation? 7. Currently collecting Latin songs!!! I finally know why I had that “stadius actum” dream. God likes Latin because it’s a constant language. It’s a dead language so there’s no shifts anymore or drifting. 8. Lord, I feel so scared of what if I don’t win. Then that means Your glory would be redirected somehow to some other venue. I did my best, God, and I have time to spare, but I can only do so much in 10k words. I hope I win, I hope Berggruen still has some room for Christianity and God, I hope they realize how valuable You are to the world You created God. In ISA’s name, amen. 9. 204 days till victory day! Or at least until the timeframe I can realistically expect results. We wait and we wait and we wait. 10. Lord, I pray for the Philippines. It seems like what I’m writing about—mass killers in schools—is coming true. One in Tacloban, and now one averted plot in Leyte because of a tip from Sen. Bam Aquino. I wonder if this means anything causal. Was my writing unknowingly fomenting something in the overworlds to cause these kids to take up arms for the first time? Lord, I really hope not. Although I don’t quite feel responsible, thank God. Writing about it and then having it come true in a way is sometimes disturbing. Lord, please help me come to terms with this power. Although I’m actually somewhat happy because my direction with TLS is confirmed by this synchronicity. In ISA’s name, amen. 11. Lord, I know my priorities, but please point me to opportunity when and where You have laid them all for me in the world. Enable me, oh God, to spot the right boons in Your perfect time. I might as well ask You for monetary assistance, like today, when I really submitted my Tomorrow poem again for consideration in Breath & Shadow. Thank You God, for providing a potential client to me for nonfiction in Donna’s message today. May she eventually pick me as her editor. You really do see my need! I am so happy to be noticed in my need. In ISA’s name, amen. 12. So I did two cool things today. I sang a Bisaya worship song and learned Bisaya vocab (we are, in fact, God’’s chosen language now so yay!!!), and I added a bunch of Latin songs to my worship playlist. Also, I’m learning Latin vocab in case God wants to speak to me using Latin. Couldn’t have dreamt of the stadius actum dream for nothing. One of the most unbelievable coolest things to happen to me and AI doesn’t believe me!!!! 13. OMG @johniscatholic liked my story of him I reposted!!!!! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!! 14. Lord, I pray for my grandparents because I never knew them personally. I never even had a relationship with any of them. I don’t really know what it’s like to have a relationship with grandparents. I never knew how to act partly because my parents were born to old parents and the distance really kept us apart. Lord, wherever They are in You, please keep them and give them grace if they already don’t have it. I know my dream the other day was supposed to point to this reality, I think, that they’re unfinished business even though they’re already dead. Please give me dreams of them, God, and even my older ancestors, if ever You have something for me from them. In ISA’s name, amen. Actually, I don’t know exactly what to pray for them because again, I don’t know them at all. So at best, all I can do is a generic prayer. I’m really sorry, God. I’m totally bereft in this area. 15. So I don’t exactly remember why I decided to include Ambiextra in TLS, but I removed it today. I don’t know but I think it would just confuse people who aren’t that deep into the theory yet. Sorry, God. This will give me more room to make more edits to make it shine. 16. Sorry, God. I was unfaithful today. Something in my brain didn’t click and now I’ve wasted hours on nothing much. But I did work on my Obsidian site a little bit. I always think I have enough time until I don’t. Lord, please help me tomorrow. I will do 4 chapters tomorrow, I promise. Please help me keep my promises. I strive to work early tomorrow so I can spend 4 hours at least on work. I need to get used to the grind to get somewhere great. In ISA’s name, amen.