### Dreams 🧫 All right, last night was rough because my room was hot even with the aircon, and I was feeling the milder form of night terrors—anxiety. I don’t know exactly why I was anxious. 1. Sex with Mike—don’t remember anything because I wrote this in the middle of the night. Phew. Don’t need that distraction, though I’m still a little curious. 2. Gnome water sprinkler that turned into a human. Vaguely felt that she was the black woman from Voicemails to Isabelle. 1. The name **Megan** is primarily of **Welsh origin**. It serves as a traditional Welsh diminutive of the name Margaret, which stems from the ancient Greek word _margarī́tēs_, meaning **"pearl"**. [[1](https://www.thebump.com/b/megan-baby-name), [2](https://www.patpat.com/blogs/baby-names/megan), [3](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Megan), [4](https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-meaning-of-the-name-Megan-in-English)] 2. The surname **Danso** primarily **originates from West Africa**. It is most common in **Ghana** as an **Akan** name, but is also found among the **Mandinka** people in **Gambia and Senegal**. [[1](https://www.ancestry.com/last-name-meaning/danso)] **Ghana (Akan):** A widely used name in the region, often culturally associated with the traits of being **reliable**, **trustworthy**, and **steadfast**. [[1](https://www.thebump.com/b/danso-baby-name), [2](https://www.names.org/n/danso/about)] 3. Shutelah doing something wrong and then just accepting her fate as she was internally moaning and outwardly sighing against the wall. 4. Walking under enormous rock structures above us with Danica Roma. The same feeling that I get when we ride in a car on a road beside a mountain that may potentially result in a landslide. That the rocks above me would collapse onto me and kill me. And then Danica Roma guiding me and Nanay Mela/Mila onto a winding steep curve that was paved by a metallic bar of some kind, and at the end of that narrow metallic road was a hole above which we had to hoist our bodies through. I tried to fit myself in it and it was really snug as if I couldn’t fit, and how much more Nanay Mela who was fatter than me? 1. Interpretations: so I really dreamt of Danica Roma because I was listening to her Lady Gaga Paparazzi TikTok post, the one she put effort in editing her “i’m not obsessed” TikTok video with pictures of Vico. I think I dreamt of her because I was also putting effort in exercise while I was listening to Lady Gaga’s music. So now let me do an experiment: I listen to Vico’s AI music while I exercise to see if I will dream about him too. 1. So I don’t know if this is manipulative in God’s eyes, but it may be a mechanism or a way into getting more intel about situations. 2. I’m kind of scared because I don’t exactly remember if I fit through the hole. Despite my distance from Nanay Mela, I truly hope she finds salvation if she hasn’t already gotten it. That she fits through the hole. In ISA’s name, amen. 5. Ally flirting with Vico but she was a teenager in this dream and she hadn’t bloomed yet. 6. Being able to levitate and having envious friends. Only Chia Chang was able to copy me. Harry Potter giant bird in a book. 7. Israeli video game. Israeli convention with Vico and women delegates being rounded up. I trusted that Vico was telling the truth—that these women were just being escorted to go home. But I had a bad feeling. But we held hands!!! Then next thing I know I’m being escorted to a soundproof room. I was being pinched by kids they taught to hate. I fought back one kid who pinched me really hard. 8. Familiar dudes on TV screens. Isabella and the square umbrella that needs a coin to work. An ambidextrous cartoon figure drawing a cartoon figure of a man in a tux and outlining a star on his tux. ### Ruminations 🩻 1. I have a hankering to have an off-day every other day. Like work-play-work-play so I get to have 4 days work, 3 days play. So I can fully enjoy play, and fully focus on work. No more of this half-and-half life. 2. So there are 205 days left until January 15, 2027. I can’t wait to cross that 200-mark. Then it’s 199 days. Then it’s 152 days from August 16, or the day I’m planning to submit. 3. I really wonder how people are able to take credit for things they didn’t personally do, or that they didn’t put any effort in. It’s the same logic that allows generational wealth to continue. I’m a hypocrite because I sometimes don’t care. 4. God set out to do the impossible, because They are the LORD, and They deserve all the glory for convincing people to believe, millions and billions of people at stake, God. It looks impossible to me but the scale is never a problem with You. I cannot fathom it. If You will for me to fathom it, please guide me through it so I don’t collapse like Indiana Jones lady wanting to know everything. 5. I am allowed to waste time today. I did work yesterday. I will do double the work tomorrow. 6. Hello St. Jude Thaddeus, I hope I can talk to you about my problems and ask you to intercede for me regarding my impossible problem, as you are known as the patron saint of impossible problems. I wish I was better at work, plain and simple. I wish I could be efficient and always know what to do and not be mentally fatigued by doing work easily. I always feel like I am not built for actual effort. I am a sloth through and through and now without armodafinil, I’m at a loss at how to make my methods sing again without that lubrication. Without armodafinil, everything feels like pulling teeth. I know God created You not to be overlooked because You deserve more recognition than you got. I acutely relate to you right now because I’m getting little to no recognition about TLS and you must know how frustrating and impossible it seems if you ever wanted acknowledgement at least. I am directly and humbly speaking to your Accoiyo-Batany because I feel like you can understand my problem too like Jesus does, only I would like to get your perspective on it for variety. You work with Jesus and the rest of the Godhead, whoever you were molded after, probably Peeta, I think. Please listen to a fellow servant of Jesus. We are co-laborers in Christ and yet I feel so lost and a greenie regarding hard adult work that will actually move the needle. It doesn’t help that my breakthroughs are mostly unconscious and I can never reliably repeat them again. I know this teaches me to depend on Jesus only, but I wish that I had a better fallback of a brain when not in use to glorify God, like in social situations perhaps that require charm and social graces. Please intercede for me regarding this matter because I feel like I will really need to practice and work on these non-existent skills that will feel like pulling teeth because they’re not automatic yet. I am so scared and so helpless because why was I entrusted with all this responsibility that I feel I cannot handle alone all by myself. I know I have the internet at my disposal, but please, help me apply all of the gems I find so I become shrewd and efficient and not waste time on the wrong strategies and things. In ISA’s name, amen. 7. I wish to see the transformation of the papacy in my lifetime, God. If not, maybe something to supplant it? In ISA’s name, amen. I would really like to contribute to how religion is practiced all over the world. May the world take You seriously, God, just as it should have always been. 8. All right God, You’ll really impress me when You fulfill Isaiah 60:22. How swift are we talking here? I’m so curious. I’m such a doubting Thomas because I live on Earth where I encounter friction and inertia all the time, and I breathe inertia especially so that it’s almost noxious. Lord, You’ll really come through, then? As You promised? I cannot wait! Hopefully it won’t be magical thinking levels where I’ll really suspect reality is off and probably dissociate. Lord, please don’t let that happen. You did say that my heart will swell and throb with joy, and not panic. Please make it smooth God! I believe You can do it, although I am simultaneously worried at how huge of a task that is. Nothing is impossible with You! Truly, maybe I will taste some of that glory and I wouldn’t even have to wait for an heir after me like a child of mine to continue the painstaking work of making people believe. People are really hard-hearted, God. They’ve lost wonder, and they need something to shock them again into awe and submission. Please provide a way to melt their hard hearts, God. Only You can do that, ultimately. No method of mine is going to work unless You permit its full force to work in the hearts of Your Chosen People, of all the people in the world to make them believe. 9. I just got home at 10:07PM from watching Obsession with my mom. One thing I can say though, I’m TOO HAPPY I’m not _that_ obsessed with Vico. I may like him a lot, but that movie’s too much. TOO MUCH. Lord, I pray I don’t get nightmares tonight. In ISA’s name, amen. Unless You really wanted me to see that movie for a reason that there’s something about evil You want me to realize. Like, it really got me to question Your love for me right in the middle of it. How insane is that? It was able to do that! I’m sorry God. I’m just being honest. I know that’s not Your character because first of all, You save, whether it’s now or someday, but You always save and keep Your Word. You may even be distant for a time, like now, whenever I feel Vico doesn’t post as much as before. But You are never far from my heart, God. Jesus suffered a panic attack, I know this fact too deeply to ever be afraid of a fucking movie. Lord, it’s just the worst nightmare of mine being portrayed onscreen and lived by the deuteragonist, Nikki, realizing she had just murdered all her friends and she was the victim here, first of all. Complete and utter evil act done to a completely innocent person and she gets to harvest the worst criminal consequences because it makes her look evil to be the only one alive despite being destroyed in soul and mind. I now realize some things better, God. Sorry if I never realized it. Good can come from evil, and it’s one of those things I will probably keep until I die. Unless someone close to me asks, of course. God, I never realized it. Sorry again, even though it’s just a small metaphor or mirror. 10. I have to do more chores. You know why. 11. Out of all the people God could have picked in all of history and the present, it had to be me!!! What a fucking honor and my greatest non-achievement that I can celebrate as hard grace. It doesn’t matter if God makes me wait twelve, twenty, twenty-five years to see glory. It will taste sweet and pure and lovely once I actually live it. 12. Throwback to that time I was still brainstorming what to write in TLS in April and really almost making Vinny and Efren the same person, and also thinking I was insane for planning to expose my diary entries, but look where we are right now, with it being a half-reality since nobody has actually seen it even though it’s already live! I can’t believe it’s been almost three months now!