### Dreams 🧫 1. I find a solution to am-am’s skin problems and literacy as well as angkong’s and ama’s skin problems and literacy. Nanay and manang lydia(?) are waiting to apply it to am-am. 1. Says the solution is to be packed in a single page to be mailed to a real solution finder 1. Interpretations: Is this a teaser of my future? I know that it’s impossible or near-impossible to find a solution to Am-am being unable to talk and be normal because now my dead grandparents are brought into the discourse. It’s impossible because they’re dead, and by association it’s impossible for Am-am to be healed of her disability. So now the “solution” faintly reminds me of a magazine because it was a shiny page wrapped in that plastic they use to wrap magazines. And this reminds me of my dream about being published in a magazine in the future at Robinson’s with my sister. I don’t know what to think except maybe that other dream is more “possible” because it’s a normal situation that I have lived through—being published in Clarkesworld. And that dream was talking about “FYRE FYTER” in association with The Willowlands the band. Or something about “You were my brother” song. 2. Then these AI holographic companions that go off on their own little adventures if they are not in use. 2 giant colored wigged anime ones going off their uncontrolled ways. 1. Interpretation: accoiyo and batany? WOWZA 3. Samboy Lim posting a shopee review of a TV in our Balingasag house. Me ruminating about how it would look like in my own room. Something about me being made of an ant and “Christ arise/arrest.” 1. So bumungad sa akin about the engagement of Arisse de Santos and Daniel Velasco from PhilStar. In my lore it makes me think of Christ/ISA and Raven/AM through name meanings. NEAT!!! So ISA can’t exist without AM and AM wouldn’t exist without ISA. 2. So this just reminded me too of Vanessa Hudgens being given a free TV just because she’s a celebrity. I think a teacher mentioned this in my childhood. Just made the wound even more…woundy. I could tell my teacher also had that wound. What about TVs else, God? Why Samboy Lim? 3. **Samuel** is a classic masculine name of Hebrew origin, most commonly translating to **"God has heard"** or **"name of God"**. [[1](https://www.thebump.com/b/samuel-baby-name), [2](https://www.parents.com/samuel-name-meaning-origin-popularity-8627672)] 4. **Lim Meaning:** The most common origin of the name Lim stems from the Chinese character **林**, which translates to **"forest," "woods," or "trees"**. [[1](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lin_\(surname\)), [2](https://www.orientaloutpost.com/shufa.php?q=Lim&srsltid=AfmBOooz7d5oWdkzAU8KQFYVclINS40c1gl3LC4qYj320jh028SMxOfN), [3](https://namecensus.com/last-names/lim-surname-popularity/)] 5. **Western/English:** In the West, Lim occasionally serves as a standalone given name. Additionally, the Latin prefix `-lim-` means **"border, boundary, or threshold"**. [[1](https://www.ancestry.com/first-name-meaning/lim), [2](https://www.wordreference.com/definition/-lim-), [3](https://nameberry.com/b/boy-baby-name-lim)] 6. Interpretation: it’s great that the message from Samboy Lim’s names means “God has heard + my boundaries/threshold or Forest/woods/trees” meaning the Forest app for work. I think. Thank You, God, for listening to Your servant. 1. Right, so there are two Samboy Lims here, the one from Shekinah I knew as an upperclass student, and one who is a famous basketball player. Is this a situation like the Little James and Big James in the Bible? Is this supposed to be important, God? Why are there two Samboy Lims in the world? Did Samboy Lim from Shekinah get his nickname from the basketball player? Is this a special synchrony? Big James was the first to be martyred. Son of Thunder. OMG they are known as cousins of Jesus!!! So I was right about Pedrito being a Cousin to Jesus in the Grand Family Structure!!!! Without even knowing it!!! 4. I think I just had a set of dreams about purgatory. I was also semi-lucid but I couldn’t make anything happen really. Not when I tried to imagine Barbie Princess and the Pauper—the result was a very faint creepy doll-like outline of her. There was also a sheen of glass around these dreams as if I couldn’t penetrate them cleanly. I had the distinct feeling that something protecting me was removed from my feet before these dreams happened, and I’m kind of scared, God. Please restore Your protection on me. I dreamt that these dreams were contained in eyeball-like sockets each their own universe, and that these were surrounded by bony hairs that moved like fish bones, and it was all so creepy. I had another dream where I was staring at Thomas the train(?) pillow in our parents’ old room downstairs, and it immediately clued me in (its creepy winky look) to the CR where I used to masturbate in. It was a twisted happiness kind of thing. And then—this is so embarrassing—an incestuous invitation from my mom to partake in sexual relations with her. It was so strange, like I was really in a hell—though not quite hellish in the suffering sense, but then my mom slowly transformed into other sexual girls like plain flat-chested outlines. And then she transformed into Vanessa Hudgens, and then I had a dream about Vanessa Hudgens and another persona—who was me—having sex where I was fingering her. ### Ruminations 🩻 1. Don’t forget to copy and paste new notes from phone tomorrow 2. Lord, I really wish I could become a full social being in the future, someday. It’s just sad that I never got opportunities in my past—well, I did, but I really didn’t have the mental desire to socialize and develop that part of me. I wish I could interact well with people without having brain freeze and anxiety. It’s not the end of the world for them to dislike me, I know, and my Berggruen win should buffer against that shame, now that they know I’m associated with greatness. I dream of being associated with Vico and somehow becoming friends with his sisters Paulina and Tali and Mochi. I never had sisterly friends before. 3. Contact Victoria Trumbull someday about her paper on Augustine Review of Metaphysics 4. Watch the cheetos video every time you hanker for junk 5. Something about lectins too 6. Lord, I pray that Clarkesworld will accept Vision. If it is your will, God, for me to have money right now to encourage me, foremost, in order to develop my writing. In ISA’s name, amen. 7. Why didn’t I think of this before? Notion format with headers and chatgpt format. Look at books that introduce completely new frameworks, or papers on PhilArchive 8. Robert Worden of the Active Inference Institute. Projective wave theory. “Conscious experience may emerge from a wave-like excitation inside a small but critical brain structure known as the thalamus, acting as a kind of holographic model of the surrounding world.” 1. The decoding problem: information encoded in neural signals does not inherently contain meaning any more than data on a hard drive contains meaning without something to read it. Consciousness presents us with direct spatial experience, seeing where an object is, feeling its texture, without any apparent process of decoding happening. Something else, he argues, must be doing that work. 2. Hard problem: how do physical processes give rise to subjective experience at all? 3. The neurons you have spent your whole life associating with thought, memory, and awareness might be infrastructure rather than the thing itself, maintaining a process that consciousness actually lives inside of. 4. Where does subjectivity come from but from God? Your Accoiyo-Batany being holographically projected into your brain the moment you are conceived. 9. Lord, You have very big problems making people submit to my authority. I’m really a nobody still, and how are people supposed to subscribe to my ideas when they need time to cement themselves in culture first. Society needs to accept ACCOIYO and BATANY as seamlessly as possible, for one, to make my hard problem of consciousness ideas make sense. Lord, I need You to do something impossible to me. That people take at face value my dreams as real revelations from You. My authority is mainly from my dreams, God, and if people don’t agree that they’re important, what can I even say to them to make them believe or agree with me that I am a prophet working for You? People right now do not generally believe that dreams are important to identity and their futures. There needs to be a sea change in the tide of people believing that dreams hold more weight in the Real World more than they thought. If only spiritual people try out my methods to see for themselves, that wouldn’t do. I need skeptics and atheists to put my words—Your wisdom—to the test. Lord, I ask that You make the rough edges smooth again, like You promised. I need people to value things they have not personally experienced. I need them to take my word seriously. I do not lie at all to them, and hopefully my faithfulness will be used for good. In ISA’s name, amen. Give me a way, oh God, to convince them so thoroughly that dreams are tantalizing and must be valued more. Maybe my “believe it to see it” is a good start, but currently, nobody is really making me feel that they are convinced. Nobody really believes me right now, and that’s just sad. Not JB, not Prof. Audrey, not Prof. Paolo, not Phylicia, not Eleonore Stump, not any of the great intellectuals nor the ordinary people believe me. Why is that, God? When reality is staring at them right in the face of their empty and dead lives with no sight at all? They do not see as well as I do. I cannot make them believe in me through force, but the sweetness of Your Good News, God, I am really outraged at them not believing still. They are all being idiots, even the public intellectuals. What will it finally take for at least one soul to deeply believe in me so that they’re rapt with attention at what I have to reveal next? Surely, You did not give me all this virtual glory only to be met with silence and “meh” reactions right now. Please, God, relieve my suffering in this area. Find me a way to satisfy my witnessing drive. All I do is try to witness for You, but it’s like nobody is really hearing me. It’s getting really frustrating to me that my methods aren’t working no matter how palatable I make it for the world. I am already stretched out to my limits and still, hardhearted people give me crickets. What will it take to finally melt some of them? Why is it so hard without institutions awarding me prestige? Why are people really stupid????????????? In ISA’s name, amen. 10. Lord, please give me wisdom about how to develop the Divine Feminine Choice Proxy by the Holy Spirit. In ISA’s name, amen. 11. So whoever has Son/Daughter identity is a Jesus/Norr Weston type. Whoever has Holy Spirit identity is a servant-type/housekeeper-type/concubine-type. Whoever has Father-Mother is exactly that, a mother or father. So I would wager that all of them have these identities to some extent (it depends). How would Jesus have Father-Mother even though he’s not technically an earthly father? Well, he did say “Whoever has seen me has seen the father” so it’s like he’s a proxy for a father and that explains Papa Jesus clout. It’s okay to say he’s a father because he’s also a mediator/pope/one who bridges humanity to God, amongst other functions of the father identity. And also because he’s the Oneness materialized on Earth once. Whoever has Son-Daughter identity had to have been materialized on Earth at some point, so there’s no way Esther could be a Son/Daughter, because the book of Esther is fictional, although there are many instantiations of her in Rachel, Rebekah, and countless other beautiful women on Earth, so her Son/Daughter identity is minor. Pedrito is more minor Son/Daughter too because I based him majorly on Stanley Sayson and my dead brother Samuel Kurt. At least Stanley is not technically my cousin but he is a cousin-type. And my brother was never really materialized to the extent that he lived at all, so that makes Pedrito’s Son/Daughter identity minor. 12. So I don’t exactly know what I had in mind with BOBOBEE, now. I don’t know how to drive it home. It’s currently 4k words and I even included spirits in it. I don’t know how to make it shine. What if I work so hard on it and nobody’s going to take it? Not even Clarkesworld? I wish there was some way for me to know if BOBOBEE is going to make it. 13. Ok, people who say the Bible is a myth are some of the most ignorant creatures on Earth. Just looking at Threads posts today wondering why would I even bother reaching them when they’re so biased and stupid. They’re so loud too. Why do you vehemently deny the Bible? Why do they hate God? Why do they hate You? I don’t quite understand anymore because I’m no longer traumatized, and maybe trauma made them deny You, God. I’m really sorry. But is there some way these lost sheep could be brought back into the fold again? Why are people so protective of their beliefs? Why are they so stubborn? 14. Ok, so this idea of persistence of memory from Victoria Trumbull—I think this is Story? This Narrative/Discourse that we tell and continuously hold closely to ourselves as our identity—the story we tell ourselves, that orients us in real-time and makes us agents with a free will. 15. I’m tired for no reason again, God. Please heal my brain and body. Please give me strength and willpower to resist against social media overuse. Especially first thing in the morning. It’s not like their stories are going anywhere. 16. Why am I so lazy God? I wish I had more mental energy to take on the day’s responsibilities. Please grant me more strength and willpower to carry through the day in one piece, God. I cannot keep breaking down and sputtering out to nothing when everything is at stake. Why am I easily crumbling at the thought of my work? It’s supposed to light me up!!!! Please, God, correct my attitude and stance towards my work. It is really not funny at all how I’m so terrible at time management and managing my energy. Please, God, I claim Matthew 7:7 which invites me to try and try again and persist in asking You this because I really don’t know who else to run to to help me overcome this huge problem. It’s been a huge problem all my life and it’s really rearing its ugly head now. Please, God, fix me. In ISA’s name, amen. ### Teaching/Repentance/Worship 🛐 Sermon Pastor Kit June 21, 2026 “Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.” ‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭4‬:‭13‬ ‭NIV‬‬ [**](https://bible.com/bible/111/heb.4.13.NIV)[https://bible.com/bible/111/heb.4.13.NIV**](https://bible.com/bible/111/heb.4.13.NIV**) “You have set our iniquities before you, our secret sins in the light of your presence.” ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭90‬:‭8‬ ‭NIV‬‬ “If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,”” ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭139‬:‭11‬ ‭NIV‬‬ “even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.” ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭139‬:‭12‬ ‭NIV‬‬ “He said to me, “Son of man, have you seen what the elders of Israel are doing in the darkness, each at the shrine of his own idol? They say, ‘The Lord does not see us; the Lord has forsaken the land.’ ” Again, he said, “You will see them doing things that are even more detestable.”” ‭‭Ezekiel‬ ‭8‬:‭12‬-‭13‬ ‭NIV‬‬ [**](https://bible.com/bible/111/ezk.8.12-13.NIV)[https://bible.com/bible/111/ezk.8.12-13.NIV**](https://bible.com/bible/111/ezk.8.12-13.NIV**) “Woe to those who go to great depths to hide their plans from the Lord, who do their work in darkness and think, “Who sees us? Who will know?”” ‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭29‬:‭15‬ ‭NIV‬‬ [**](https://bible.com/bible/111/isa.29.15.NIV)[https://bible.com/bible/111/isa.29.15.NIV**](https://bible.com/bible/111/isa.29.15.NIV**) 1. Acknowledge and humbly admit secret sin. Do not deny, rationalize, or justify. Call it what God calls it. Search me, oh God verse. 2. Confess our sins. He will be faithful and just to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. Psalm 32. “When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy on me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer. Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord.” And you forgave the guilt of my sin.” Psalms‬ ‭32‬:‭3‬-‭5‬ ‭NIV‬‬ 3. Forsake it. Proverbs 28:13 “Whoever scorns instruction will pay for it, but whoever respects a command is rewarded.” Proverbs‬ ‭13‬:‭13‬ ‭NIV‬‬ 4. Starve it. Romans 13:14 “Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the flesh. Romans‬ ‭13‬:‭14‬ ‭NIV‬‬ Isaiah 53:10 “Yet it was the Lord’s will to crush him and cause him to suffer, and though the Lord makes his life an offering for sin, he will see his offspring and prolong his days, and the will of the Lord will prosper in his hand.” “Return, faithless people; I will cure you of backsliding.” “Yes, we will come to you, for you are the Lord our God.” Jeremiah‬ ‭3‬:‭22‬ ‭NIV‬‬