### Dreams 🧫 1. Talking with Maphile I now forgot. 2. Talking with black girl who is resistant to accountability when caught cheating. 3. A zombie dream where these zombies were hanging out on a bookshelf and one of them looked like Howl from Howl’s Moving Castle. One of the people who was watching us shot themselves because of the hopelessness of the zombie outbreak. I “saved” Sofia Vergara-type woman from killing herself. I don’t remember what I did, but I just felt kinship with her. 1. Sorry, God. I was so out of it and sleepy last night I didn’t have the will to record more about these dreams. 2. The name **Sofia** (also spelled **Sophia**) is of Greek origin and directly translates to **"wisdom"**. It is the abstract noun of the Ancient Greek word _sophos_, which signifies skill, intelligence, and cleverness. [[1](https://www.thebump.com/b/sofia-baby-name), [2](https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-difference-between-Sophia-and-Sofia)] 3. The surname **Vergara** is primarily of **Basque** and **Spanish** origin. It is **a habitational name derived from a town in the Basque Country of Spain called Bergara** (or Vergara in Castilian). [[1](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vergara_family), [2](https://www.familysearch.org/en/surname?surname=bergara)] 4. **Etymology:** The name is believed to combine two Basque terms: a prefix of uncertain meaning and **gara**, which translates to "hill," "height," or "eminence". [[1](https://www.familysearch.org/en/surname?surname=bergara)] 5. Interpretations: so I had this interaction with Sofia Vergara near Trendline near our house. Trendline is a mini-mall. I don’t know if this means I willl somehow be able to trend because I’m wise about it and become eminent. It is exactly like my Clarkesworld store dream, I think. Or showing me my desire of being trendy online. 4. I had an early evening dream about Vico being prevented from contacting me for about a second only. And the contract burst and I was shocked that I woke up. 5. I had another early evening dream where my [gailyap.blog](http://gailyap.blog) views doubled from 667 to 1,200+!!! Doubly productive!!! I can almost taste it. ### Ruminations 🩻 1. Buy Mara Labs BrocElite Plus Stabilized Broccoli Sulforaphane to get rid of microplastics. 2. So I really dreamt of Nanay Mela and during the day (last night) I went out with her niece, Manang Tisay. I don’t know if it’s just synchronous or destiny. She came from America and we went grocery shopping at Oro Rama. 3. “Humble” from humus meaning soil. To be of the soil. Paolo!! God didn’t make us out of soil, right? Just a poetic thing. 4. God, I just got done from exercising 15 minutes. Burned 75 calories. Am I really destined to be a winner? 5. Future stuff: make short movies using Seedance using my framework. 6. Lord, You know my heart. I am so scared people won’t listen to me. Or won’t like what I represent enough to listen to me. You said Yourself You will make the rough places smooth, God, in Isaiah, the covenant You gave me. I am just living in this ever-present anxiety that my opinions and thoughts don’t matter that much because nobody has been really convinced yet. I’m debating with myself whether to share it with sdaomine/Angel Baleña to get another Chosen One to see it. Please, God, I just need to convert someone. I can’t believe some people are so dead in their spirits as to not be affected by what I’m saying. They truly cannot recognize Your glory if it hit them in the face. Please help me convince people, God. I am so tired of talking to dead ends. In ISA’s name, amen. 7. I need to follow Earth Mastery’s strategy. Only, I don’t want to tap into spirituality too much because I need to reach lay audiences who may be atheist and agnostic and who might be turned off by spirituality. How will I produce videos for this type of audience? Lord, give me wisdom about this because I don’t only want to reach spiritual people, but also heathens. In ISA’s name, amen. 8. I’m being led to so much wisdom by these Instagram gurus who have so much gold to offer the world. How do they do it? Shervin Youssefian for example, talking about Abraham, Isaac, Rebekah, and the servant sent to fetch her as a bride. Abraham is the Father, Isaac is Jesus, Rebekah is the Bride/Church, and the servant is the Holy Spirit!!! 9. Theoretically, I should be happier and more excited about my future. I feel so anhedonic and low-level anxious instead. Sorry, God, my body is failing to glorify You. I don’t know how to help it but with time and exercise. And also less social media but more targeted study of my models. I hope my creativity and spontaneity don’t get dulled because I endeavor not to waste time as much on frivolous content. But why does frivolous content seem to be a rest to me? 10. Lord, even if I don’t win, I’ll still be assured that Your will will work out for my good. I realized I’m living in a quantum bubble of expecting to win and being underconfident all at once, and it’s making my anxiety worse. I wish I fully trusted in Your will, God. Help me not to be attached to the outcome that isn’t within my control. I hope for the best, yet expect the worst. But worst is not winning, which will only set me back years. If it’s Your will God, for me to build a mass audience through YouTube only, then I will try to fulfill it to the best of my ability. But if, Lord, Your will is glory and renown just as You promised in Isaiah, then I will also gratefully accept Your boundless gifts of glory. 11. It’s just so hard to exist in the waiting room. I’ve been through this before. I’m going to make it. God will enable me to wait patiently, I hope. 12. I should be done with all of the chapters this month. Then the next month I’ll devote to drawings. 13. I’m done with half-showering and my third workout of the day at 6:55PM. Hopefully this improves tomorrow. It’s my first time to workout 3 times a day after meals and before dinner. Hopefully this discipline bleeds into other areas of my life where I feel I have agency. Lord, please enable me to feel my own agency even though I have an annoying habit of focusing on my lips today, which has lessened a bit, but still there. In ISA’s name, amen. 14. Lord, I feel so sapped of mental energy. Maybe I have it wrong. Maybe I shouldn’t check social media in the morning and afternoon so I have something to look forward to. It’s so effortful just to stay in a work bubble. 15. Lord, will I ever feel satisfied with my work? It just feels so unrewarding right now, even though I’m in the running for Best Thesis and all of these dreams of glory. I just hate that ordinary humans like JB don’t respect Your greatness as much when I’ve literally handed it all to them on a plate. 16. I wonder if Vico also becomes impatient waiting for 2028 to get started on working on his love/sex life. 17. I ate Bicol express from Josefina’s again and I was promptly disappointed it didn’t taste as great as the first time anymore. I hope sex in the future doesn’t end up llike this. I can’t tell if it’s just my lack of appetite—oh, but I wanted to eat it—or that the taste degraded. 18. I have a feeling Vico picked his audio “ICONIC BY MISTAKE” because he really thinks his birth was a mistake. NO IT IS NOT!!!! 19. Vico has a beautiful heart. _Certain things_ happened on social media and he, three days later, posts pictures of welfare system babies who have been abandoned. Maybe he really wants a baby too, but for now he’s taking care of Pasig’s babies even though they’re not his own babies.