### Dreams 🧫 1. Carla Jariol and Vico being close at The Way Christian Ministries church, my former evangelical church. Weird, since Carla is Baptist. Maybe alternate universe where she was me? 1. The name **Carla** is a classic feminine given name of Germanic and Italian origin, which translates to **"free woman"** or **"strong"**. It is the feminine equivalent of the male names Carl, Charles, or Carlos. [[1](https://www.thebump.com/b/carla-baby-name), [2](https://www.scribd.com/document/704466540/Carla-Name-Meaning-Google-Search), [3](https://www.babycenter.com/baby-names/details/carla-854), [4](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carla)] 2. The surname **Jariol** primarily has **French origins, specifically rooted in the historical region of Provence**. [[1](https://lastnames.myheritage.com/last-name/jariol)] 1. **Roots:** It is believed to be a diminutive form of the Old French name "Jari". 2. **Meaning:** The name likely derives from the Old French root word relating to **strength** or **bravery**. 3. Interpretations: OH WOW. FREE MAN + BRAVE STRENGTH! I think I’m supposed to be Carle in this in a Victory church (an evangelical church with Vico). OMG!!! TLS reference. God keeps making creative ways to talk to me about destiny. Just as God keeps finding ways to relate to me using people I know, people can also relate themselves to characters God intimately knew in the Bible. 2. Me, Sydney Paige Guerrero, and A.W. Prihandita picknicking in a place called Last Kids to die where they played in La Rauchen. A.W. asked me to smell her sweet-smelling straw because her spit was colored. 1. The name **Anselma** is a feminine name of Germanic origin that translates to **"God's helmet"** or **"protected by God."** [[1](https://www.ancestry.com/first-name-meaning/anselma), [2](https://nameberry.com/b/girl-baby-name-anselma)] 2. **Prihandita** is an Indonesian surname and given name of Javanese and Sanskrit origin. The name generally breaks down into two core elements, embodying concepts of **nobility, guidance, and completion**: [[1](https://lastnames.myheritage.com/last-name/prihandayadi), [2](https://lastnames.myheritage.com/last-name/prihananto), [3](https://magdalene.co/story/anselma-prihandita-nebula-award-science-fiction/), [4](https://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2012/08/ironic-etymology-of-the-day-pundit-comes-from-a-sanskrit-word-for-spiritual-leader/261493/), [5](https://www.timesnownews.com/baby-names/meaning-of-parinita)] 1. **Pri:** Often derived from the Sanskrit honorific prefix _priya_, meaning "dear," "beloved," or associated with a noble, high-status person. 2. **Handita:** Likely a variation or root related to "pandita," the Sanskrit/Javanese word for a scholar, spiritual teacher, priest, or wise person (related to the English word "pundit"). [[1](https://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2012/08/ironic-etymology-of-the-day-pundit-comes-from-a-sanskrit-word-for-spiritual-leader/261493/), [2](https://lastnames.myheritage.com/last-name/prihandayadi), [3](https://lastnames.myheritage.com/last-name/prihananto)] 3. Interpretations: OMG SHE’S LIVING OUT HER NAME!!! What if I could also win a Nebula or Hugo and be featured in a Philippine newspaper!!! I’ve seen Anselma use God’s name in vain. Maybe she’s still protected because of her name, which is unfair. 1. OMG I just realized God may be handing me a solution to being scared of evil. So from the sweet-smelling straw I got reminded of the Dengue story for kids by Luis P. Gatmaitan where mosquitoes bred in the brightly colored water colored by artificial colors in a bottle. So I got the association that I should think of demons as mosquitoes—annoying pests, but that not all of them contain dangerous Dengue fever-causing viruses. I should think of my harmless dissociation-noticing of my lips in this way. It’s generally harmless although kind of annoying. It helps to physicalize opaque ideas to make them less threatening. Thanks God!!!! 3. Nirene de Padua saying benta benta benta benta benta in UPTC right after I just played horrifying games with other people and my mom and sister and Indian boy said my eyes were pretty (I was wearing grey belly-bearing shirt with the grad shoot eye makeup). The games were basically a lion who ate whoever was scared of it the most. We strategized and formed a circle, got rid of spaces, man tried to inspect me to put me in the middle of the room but no. I thought I lost my earrings gifted to me. Moana was there feeling pity for herself because I insulted her because she was the reason we were there. At the end John Yohan Ko was beside me. 1. Interpretations: The name **Nirene** is a relatively uncommon, modern feminine name. It is **widely considered a creative variation or elaboration of the Greek name Irene (meaning "peace") or Nerine (meaning "sea nymph" or "sea fairy")**. [[1](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Irene_\(given_name\)), [2](https://www.names.org/n/nirene/about), [3](https://www.thebump.com/b/nerine-baby-name), [4](https://mylofamily.com/parenting/babynames/meaning-of-nerine-57165?srsltid=AfmBOopmEjjUE9n8yti1eVQT4H6mpjiUlauQd5mC9myfa5EwNHIIi-22)] 2. **Geographic Roots:** The city's name originates from the Latin _Patavium_, dating back to Roman times. As a surname, it emerged during the Middle Ages to identify travelers, merchants, or migrants coming from this prominent cultural and educational hub. [[1](https://lastnames.myheritage.com/last-name/padua)] 3. The last name **Padua** is primarily a **habitational surname**. It means **a person or family originated from or had ties to the ancient city of Padua (Padova) in the Veneto region of northern Italy**. [[1](https://www.familysearch.org/en/surname?surname=Padua), [2](https://lastnames.myheritage.com/last-name/padua), [3](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Padua)] 4. OMG DOES THIS MEAN I WILL SELL MY STORY!!!! (FAE-PHAE!!!) AND POSSIBLY WIN A NEBULA TOO!!! It’s like God really spoke to me about Clarkesworld rejection (Fancypants) by encouraging me to think about BOBOBEE!!!! OMG!!!!! Lord, please enable me to write this story well. I don’t know how to restructure it now that I know a few more things about accoiyo-batanys and all. 4. There was a bit where my sister was naked in a Chinese store. I was so embarrassed but I also looked as if I just gotten out of the shower too. ### Ruminations 🩻 1. If the reaction to my TLS piece would be ideally monumental in proportions, why aren’t the people I sent it to bending over backwards to ally themselves with me before I win? Maybe it’s not too impressive yet to them because they have no idea what the Axial Age is and what Berggruen represents. 2. So somebody really accessed abbynicoleyee's blog page today with no referrers anywhere and no home page clicks. A returning visitor!!!! OMG!!!! 3. I’m currently the equivalent of the person who is constantly digging up my plant to see growth. What am I doing?????????? I am so impatient!! 4. Imagine being so starved for attention that you become elated by somebody signing up for a Letterboxd account and it’s your greatest achievement by far in 2023. Convincing someone to do something. Normally this wouldn’t have had to happen if I had normal friendships where this kind of thing is normal. But then I had nothing. I was a bottomless black hole of need and I think Jeffrey sensed this early. I don’t regret it because I discovered aphantasia more acutely because of him, and my theory wouldn’t have hung so tightly if it weren’t for him impinging on my life. 5. I’m so lonely and wish that somebody would crack the riddle. Pls. 6. Who is my audience? People who suspect that reality is more meaningful, interconnected, and intelligible than contemporary culture usually allows—and who are looking for intellectual tools to explore that possibility. 7. How do I make it less threatening? Barbie memes and Spongebob memes. 8. Philippine ISA movement video 9. ISA = LORD = When you pray to ISA you are essentially praying to both ISA and AM. Because One = ISA + AM 1. So this is how we recognize the God in us, because all of us are AMs, I think. Our relation to ISA is ideally so close that whenever we pray in ISA’s name, we are invoking our own humanity too alongside our godhood. 10. The question on people’s minds? How do I get what I want (that is aligned with God’s will for my life)? It’s not going to be easy, in fact, it’s going to challenge you and your entire worldview and philosophy in life. How to make God listen to my supplications? 1. “The best way to get what you pray for” 1. Prayer that requires some effort and creativity but not trying too hard that you lose the point of prayer 2. The Hugot Method: Align with God’s will to get what you want —thumbnail: THE HUGOT METHOD—SPIRITUAL MANNA & FOOD 3. Pray SMARTER by praying the Hugot & possibly get what you want 1. A definition of prayer with supplication 2. This video is for whoever feels that prayer has no rigor, but only feelings and emotions and desires. 3. Praying vaguely is anathema to God. You have to be very specific and precise. You know that old story about the genie granting you your wishes but then you failed to specify something important and it warps your answer into something you didn’t expect? Well, it’s kind of like that, only God doesn’t deform your wishes for no reason like amusement. If They grant you the exact opposite of what you asked for, it’s God talking to you about another thing in your life. 4. How do I make people see this is a unique method never seen before? 5. Expose your diary entry (vulnerable) with Mike and explain God answered me 7 months later. 6. The necessity of a prayer journal or diary to keep records of God’s communications. 7. A creative practice is a conversation with God, the ultimate Creator. 8. Making God understand your POV by adding metaphors related to God. 9. If you’re not going to get what you want in real life, then you can be assured that God is going to answer you somehow through your dreams. 1. Video linking how to interpret your dreams with name meanings (believe it to see it) and “if you ever wonder why your dreams present you with the most random people you haven’t thought of in a while, I may have some answers regarding that in my other video.” 10. Make sure you are talking about Biblical characters in the same boat as you—shortcut to God understanding you through the Bible They gave us. “As you did for…” Why this works? You align yourself to one of God’s Chosen Ones in the Bible—exemplary people whether good or bad in a similar boat as you and you want God to see you in them, and it’s basically just logical or rational for God to follow the Story. Because you are basically using God’s own words to argue in your favor. 1. Give an example from the Bible—Job basically, from your own life—and God relieved some part of my suffering in response. 2. Another example is from an extended dream+name meanings interpretation from my own creative writing work (with link to name meanings significance “Believe it to see it.” video) 1. Carla Jariol and Vico interpretations: OH WOW. FREE MAN + BRAVE STRENGTH! I think I’m supposed to be Carle in this in a Victory church (an evangelical church with Vico). OMG!!! TLS reference. God keeps making creative ways to talk to me about destiny. Just as God keeps finding ways to relate to me using people I know, people can also relate themselves to characters God intimately knew in the Bible. 2. Only anonymize this. Do not mention Vico yet but only his name meanings. 11. What are the challenges that these people (your ideal audience) personally face? 12. Why am I suddenly chatted up by a woman named Stephanie Obadiah to get a ”job part time doing work easily to earn” 1. The name **Stephanie** is a feminine given name of Greek origin that translates to **"crown"** or **"garland"**. It is the female equivalent of the name Stephen. [[1](https://www.thebump.com/b/stephanie-baby-name), [2](https://babynames.com/name/stephanie)] 2. **Obadiah** is a Hebrew name that translates to "**servant of Yahweh**" or "worshipper of Yahweh". It is composed of two elements: _'ebed_ (servant or slave) and _Yah_ (a shortened name for the Hebrew God). [[1](https://www.thebump.com/b/obadiah-baby-name), [2](https://www.ancestry.com/first-name-meaning/obadiah), [3](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obadiah_\(given_name\))] 1. OMG!!! 3. Shortest book of the Bible asking me to focus on Esau and God’s disfavor upon him. “hairy, rough, done/made.” I wonder why. It seems so arbitrary. Lord please don’t be annoyed right now with me. I don’t know how to interpret this yet. Vico is hairy, does that mean You will eventually favor hairiness? Or is it talking about being rough-mannered? Uncouth. 13. There’s really nothing to worry about God orchestrating things—you really have free will. God is just suggesting these things to you, they are not absolutes. God, I’m really sorry, but I felt the slightest bit of fear with Stephanie Obadiah. It seems to on the nose. I miss the times when it just made me feel magical before I got panic attacks for no reason. 14. I LOVE YOU GOD!!!! THANK YOU FOR SPICY CHICKEN FROM JOLLIBEE!!!! 15. 213 days till January 15, 2027! Exactly 62 days till August 17!!! I’ll be here!!!! 16. Do the hard thing first—give your brain no chance for a free dopamine hit without earning it. No low-effort rewards such as scrolling, notifications, etc. because everything else pales in comparison and becomes impossible. 17. Lord, I now see that Jesus suffered from panic attacks too. Please, if You can (and I’m sure You can), see my pain as the same as Jesus’, only that I don’t bleed outwardly, but that my mind is constantly bleeding and leaking chaotically (if that’s possible) from my anxiety and fear. Fear truly cuts me deep, God. I pray that You lessen my worries over my mouth and dissociation, overall. I am just rapt by that old fear that You will allow March 9 to happen again, at the end of the day of my hyperfocus on my mouth. It causes me panic sometimes, God, and I try to reduce caffeine now to stop myself from physically having a reason for anxiety, but I cannot really help the mental side of it, which is still a mystery to me despite my chat with AI earlier about it. Truly, God, it is so lonely to suffer for a reason I rationally know doesn’t have weight now. I do have free will, and Your continued response and care for me is too great to fathom, but I cannot help my mind sometimes. Maybe You’re even impressed by my brain at how random it is sometimes. I wish it wasn’t true, but now I feel that if I don’t pray about it seriously, it will get worse over time, and I pray that’s not my destiny, especially as I can see, if I win Berggruen, the future will require me to put myself in public speaking situations and high-stakes scenarios that will surely give me a real reason to panic even more, God. I wish I didn’t have to go through it, and I often wonder how sweet the reward would be compared to how much pain I will have to suffer to get it. Maybe You will pull a miracle so that I’m no longer anxious talking to people who I think are children that need to have dumbed down explanations. Maybe I can work with that. I have to gain some pride in myself so this anxiety lessens. God, I do not trust myself ever since March 9 happened to me, and only You can put back my trust in myself. It feels like everything has really fallen apart for me ever since and I find it really difficult to trust now because of it. If I of all people can’t be trusted, who else can I turn to but You? Of course. But Lord, I need to be able to have trust in myself. I feel it’s essential for me to function well as an active agent like Jesus was. In ISA’s name, amen. 18. God, please enable me to skillfully finish BOBOBEE for Clarkesworld hopefully in the vein of 20k words. I now know and realize how grave it possibly is to You for me to make that “going to hell for this” joke. Only, I don’t know how offended You would be given that I used to differentiate between You and Satan. I’m trying to accept both sides of You, God, and somehow I can understand some aspects better now. Please enable me to understand You better but only up to what I can realistically handle, as in, no dissociation and panic, no existential crises, but I’d be fine with dreams regarding the Grudge to give me more insight (how exactly was I supposed to understand that if You didn’t bring it up consciously? I say to myself). In ISA’s name, amen. 19. Maybe I will only really sell my Clarkesworld story after Seedance 3.0 becomes available. 20. I’m so fascinated by how Vico manages to be Vico. There I said it. I’m not nonchalant about my desire and passion for him. Even though he rarely posts these days, I still find myself hungry for more (it’s working). 21. Since people don’t really read captions, 1. put the conclusion of your argument + 2. “I wrote a full personal esasy on this—blah blah” + 3. “Comment _____ to receive it” + 4. I’ll send it straight to your DMs. 22. OMG SO THERE’S A SOPHIA IN PROVERBS 8 SPEAKING BEFORE CREATION!!!! SOPHIA!!! OF MONAD FAME!!!! I now have a citation!!! And some more support for my theory. So Sophia is BATANY is AM is Norr Weston and Andrew (to be fair Norr Weston is also ACCOIYO)!! Who are You made of really? I would wager Esther is not this figure but she’s feminine so it might be that she crafts beauty too. Is she only BATANY? Is Stella only ISA? I guess so. Clotilde is both. Clovis is both. Pedrito is…BATANY too I guess. Peeta is ACCOIYO only. Annie is ACCOIYO only too. Jesus is both too like Norr Weston. Celia Frank is neither? I wonder what she is. I can’t really pinpoint what she is. She is the only one who is possibly either based on any one person’s interpretation of the Holy Spirit’s role. Monad-Sophia is obviously a smaller version (though not by importance) of ISA and AM both. 23. Go back to IG messages from various gurus 24. Just for fun, maybe write Vision to be more than 1000 words? 25. Send Vision on June 24. 26. The vibrating string theory—reality is a thread while we are a needle moving forward from past to present to future. Although that string isn’t fixed, it’s probability, and it can warp, deform, go back to a pre-determined best path towards excellent lives, or go out of alignment again. Excellent!!! 27. Read Deepstash because you spent 600+ on it. One month. Here we go!