### Dreams 🧫 1. Hereditary universe where Chinese woman dies and mother finds her. Half-awake state. Perhaps she was rigor mortis already. 2. Half-awake state: 1. Advice Meaning almost spoken. Mentioning casual sex during meetup and ask questions about it. Good and bad reasons why. 2. Manang Lydia saying, “wa na paspas na kaayo” eating a barbecue in the new house kitchen. 3. Nanay saying kamamg who are they y 4. Holy Spirit being Right 5. Bees being used to usher in kingdom and killing them after they sting the Omega because they make the human hallucinate Tracker Jacker THG. And go through March 9. There has to be balance according to arguer of knowing when to strike and knowing what to do. 6. The most interesting dream in a while forgotten in the ether of the Logos. Sorry. 7. Shadow residue resonate shifted only: that I should ask Vico if he ever feels like he has blood on his hands if he doesn’t help the striking laborers he helped free Rappler article. 1. I forgot what I meant when I typed on my phone what “shadow residue resonate shifted only.” ### Ruminations 🩻 1. Do something tedious to ground yourself (wrote this specifically on May 31) 2. Reread May 29 for reminders and pointers. Exercise 10 minutes when you wake up. Easiest thing in the world to walk. Take supplements immediately after waking up. 3. Thank God I’m waking up earlier for some reason. I have more time. Lord, help me not be too manic and chaotic. In ISA’s name, amen. 4. Gold = beauty. Geodes = intelligence? Barbie wisdom. 1. According to Barbie, greed will be vanquished!!! FUCK YES!!! 5. I forgot a thought somewhere. I hope it resurrects someday. 6. Do narcissists have a special Heaven-Hell where they’re always affirming their own greatness???? 7. You vs. Other. Where is the disjunction and where is the unity? Key to God and Man. Key to God-Holy Spirit-Man. 8. Maybe bureacracy is beautiful in its own weird way too. I don’t understand it quite well. Vico is so passionate about it I might as well study it too. Maybe it’s an acquired taste. He acquired it in childhood so he doesn’t need to be convinced or reasoned into it. 9. Audrey thinks I can read minds because I correctly intuited that Mike was on Tinder. 10. OMG WHAT IS THIS PATTERN IN MY FB VIEWS. 28-33-44-44-27-33. Interesting. Maybe it’s got something to do with me and Vico. Something happened to Vico when he was 28 or 27 that happened to me when I was 28 or 27, but never the same age. Something will happen to me again at 33 that happened to Vico at 33. Something will happen to me at 44 that will happen to Vico at 44. INTERESTING HEADFUCK!!!! He was 27-28 in 2017. I wonder what’s special for 2017. I was 27 last year, 2025. Maybe that’s why. The transition period from relatively big—frankincense to very very big (now). I notice the doubles, God. Is this wise? Something to look forward to. Hopefully nothing majorly bad happened to Vico at 27-28. Eight years from now, Vico will be 44. That’s exactly our age difference. 33 when Jesus died. 33 for what? Me? I will give birth at 33? Maybe. 1. In 2017, Vico Sotto was serving as a Pasig City Councilor, having entered politics in 2016. During his term as a councilor, he championed transparency. Notably, he authored and passed Pasig City's Freedom of Information (FOI) Ordinance, marking the first localized FOI law in Metro Manila. [[1](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vico_Sotto), [2](https://www.gmanetwork.com/entertainment/photos/in-photos-proofs-that-show-mayor-vico-sotto-got-his-dad-vic-sottos-sense-of-humor/12432/), [3](https://www.facebook.com/thePHdestination/posts/vico-sotto-exposes-corruption-that-shook-politics-and-showbizpasig-city-mayor-vi/1309609851193107/)]Here are the key details regarding his timeline during this period: • **Role:** Pasig City Councilor, 1st District. • **Tenure:** June 30, 2016 to June 30, 2019. • **Primary Focus:** Transparency, anti-corruption, and local freedom of information. [[1](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vico_Sotto), [2](https://www.gmanetwork.com/entertainment/photos/in-photos-proofs-that-show-mayor-vico-sotto-got-his-dad-vic-sottos-sense-of-humor/12432/), [3](https://cyberguardiansph.org/pagyabong-hon-victor-ma-regis-vico-sotto/), [4](https://www.facebook.com/thePHdestination/posts/vico-sotto-exposes-corruption-that-shook-politics-and-showbizpasig-city-mayor-vi/1309609851193107/), [5](https://www.facebook.com/61560509938647/posts/vico-sotto-the-mayor-of-pasig-city-is-a-champion-of-good-governance-and-transpar/122170813628350331/)] 2. OMG FREEDOM OF INFORMATION. TRANSPARENCY. Maybe maybe maybe. AAAAAAHHHHHH. 11. What are the possibilities of quantum computers for dreams? History, Logos, Heaven-Hell? Immortality. Greed. 12. Greed and billionaires and why they do greed and destroy earth even though they know it’s beautiful. 1. Basically cannot take the shame of losing to someone else at that scale and that they’re structurally inclined to maintain competition. It’s distant to them and its consequences. Institutional pressure. History is also full of individuals who justified harmful actions as "necessary" for growth, jobs, shareholders, national interests. Rationalize that benefits outweigh costs just like God. ACCOIYO = BENEFIT. BATANY = COST. Humans are remarkably good at constructing stories that make their actions feel justified. Frame their actions as responsibility and progress over obstacles and stagnation. Greed stemming from dissatisfaction, short-term thinking, tribal loyalty, self-justification, and the ability to ignore distant consequences. 13. My entire life is a metaphor for this generational wealth. I only have a little generational wealth from my earthly family. We have a lot, but we currently do not enjoy a lot. Jesus died for me and the rest of humanity, so I inherit the riches of what he deserves in this life, although for now I only taste a glimpse of the glory. OMG!! 14. Cement this in your heart. Faithful in the small things, faithful in the big things. It doesn’t matter what risks you are calculating to be below threshold, like your sleep levels and mania. You swore to God in a small way. Honor the promise in a big way regardless of how small it was, even if you never overtly promised it. You felt the anti-pull of the wrongness of what you were doing. Listen to that. You recognize the small negative thing you feel when you know it’s wrong behavior. It’s not like premarital sex, or maybe it is. I’m so sorry, God. I need to make Christianity cooler than what people already assume is possible. I also need to partake in sexual contact of some kind before marriage or else I wouldn’t feel intimate or loved. But the atoms and quarks of my decisions really matter. THEY REALLY MATTER. ORDINARY MATTER IS BIG MATTER. 15. Morning Star. Afternoon Sun. Night Moon. Maybe. 16. OMG DERRIDA MEANS BUTT 1. **Etymology:** Some sources trace it back to the Old French word _derrière_, which translates to **"behind"** or **"at the back"**. This likely originated as a geographical indicator to describe where a family lived (e.g., behind a specific structure or village). 2. Pretty Girl Rock song 1. I guess being proud is okay if you have others you invite to become like you. It’s like you become a beacon of God’s good Grace to point it all back to Them and make people bow to Them. 3. “I like big butts and I cannot lie” song 17. I really wonder how Audrey resisted Mike in 2017 or so. He must have been really bad in an off way for her to reject him. Maybe it’s because of his mother. 18. Maybe Audrey is saying something about Shawntel and my Discipline of Grace book. She must have seen Interstellar in the background and Bridges from Jerry Bridges. Wolverine at the end of the trailer said, “we’re back baby.” 19. I really wonder why Sam Sadhwani was so appealing to Vico that she was the most liked of his, with 5+ likes on IG even if they were only close friends. I mean, she’s pretty and sexy, I get it. But I want to know what she’s like as a real person. She seems so contained on IG and has no perceptible gristle or humor. What could Vico have seen in her person except her beauty? Did beauty make everything special in relation to her personality? She was maybe exactly his type and it’s worse somehow that she’s not bombshell pretty. I hate it in a different way from Nikki. People really do have a type. A template they try to follow in their attractions. But Vico also followed and reposted the content of a complete stranger based on her completely different beauty, so he’s flexible and finds many people attractive if they’re intelligent or advertise as geeky. I’m already starting at a distinct disadvantage by not being pretty at all compared to them, as my beauty is very toned down, and I already claim in TLS that I have no grace or beauty so that’s bound to color his perception of me as that “insecure girl who thinks low of herself.” It would only be disagreeable to him if I was significantly more attractive than what I suggest in TLS. I wish I was. What could he be expecting? Would he dig more about me if he read the story? Would he finally follow me? I really wonder how it will shake out. He will probably read my citations first because if he’s intellectual that’s the first thing I’d do too. 20. Angel numbers significance. Doreen Virtue meaning gift of God Virtue. Kabbalah, Babylonian, and occult teachings, witchcraft, Wicca, modern New Age. OMG DOREEN IS GOING TO BE SO HAPPY. 21. Fantasy of him staring me in the eyes eyefucking me as he rubs me down there with his hands and smiling at me mischievously like he knows exactly what he’s doing to me. Like, I know God’s favor is too great to fathom, but something about somebody else being embodied and looking deep into your soul and pleasuring you hard and vigorously is so intoxicating to imagine. All at the same time, consciousness Tether resonating so hard because of eye-to-eye and physical pleasure—a direct hit on the clitoris and mons pubis and the nerve endings that are so exquisitely sensitive and tender but stronger than you think and actually needs vigorous even harder stimulation as time goes on during the act. It can’t get any better than that. I would come in 5 seconds probably and would have multiple orgasms in 5 minutes of that pure bliss. 22. It’s logical that garbage has to be cordoned off somewhere. I think this is what my dream meant. I don’t know why I started thinking of garbage. I was thinking of my armodafinils and how they’re made and the packaging and I was wondering about factories and their end byproducts of the blister packs and the mountains of plastic and non-biodegradable waste they are producing just to make those packages work for humanity. Otheriwse, how would I get my product? I related garbage to Satan’s situation. 23. I need to formalize what I do—this hyper-conenectivity—so I can teach all kinds of people how to do it. I guess I have an unconscious highlighted set of themes and concerns that have bundles of questions of them I haven’t even dared to ask yet. The answers come through something I don’t understand myself. It’s such a quantum thought process because I haven’t even consciously thought of the specific question but it appears just when I needed it to relate to whatever I’m thinking of at the moment no matter how remote it is from what I’m thinking about. Like garbage and Satan’s situation. Why they are related is because I was thinking of the trace of disposal earlier. That’s it. Disposal for those who have been sieved. These traces of Meaning are why they seem almost effortless. Mental models trapped inside those bundles of traces that only take unfolding, like a hidden dimension. 24. Person God. Isaiah 44:8. “I am the LORD, that is my name.” The fundamental disjunct between humans and God. It’s like God appeared not to understand how humans work because a God that is only a little higher than them even if They’re all caps LORD would seem a little too haughty even if They have a right to rule, because humans understand authorities like say, the president or king, to still be humans and commune with other people and share glory sometimes. LORD seems so alien then, only humans don’t understand how logical it actually is for God to decry idolatry because They literally are everything that is and beyond. Imagine?? God lowered Themselves because really, there didn’t seem to be a way to personalize God to humans anymore aside from claiming directly that there is no other God but me, but God couldn’t explain it yet because They wanted a Narrative with a treasure hunter like me. I’m always on fire!!!!! God isn’t stupid at all. He planned all of this. I just wish Jesus hadn’t had a rotten time containing future visions of glory and never experiencing it. I know “Entertainment” by Phoenix is supposed to tell me that I’m wrong and that maybe Jesus really only knew who I was when he died and rose again, but I feel really bad for Jesus. It just gives me pause. He knew, and yet he did it. There was no way but this Way, the Way of life. 25. My diary entry entered Jesus’ psyche in a dream. Even TLS, mainly TLS? My resurrection miracle of his that I followed. Maybe it got translated into his consciousness 2,000 years ago into a dream that enabled him to resurrect Lazarus. This was made known to me by You Were my Brother by The Willowlands. That song really is inspired. My diary entry resonated across Time and Space and Spacetime that Jesus felt it, my prayer to God and how much I held on when the world was caving in because of my great faith, and dire circumstances couldn’t stop me from believing perfectly and intimately on February 14, 2022. That is such a fucking cool thing to realize. 26. If there was a global dictionary and people had to legally change their names based on that dictionary, would that count as “name on their foreheads” prophecy fulfillment? Everybody would internalize Jesus by Their many names. Remind me to look at all the Jesuses in history and Logos and find more variations of One, ISA, Love, Union, Ambiextra (sounds like a name already), All, Everything, Complete, Universal, Constant (OMG Constancia), Why. This is so exciting. 27. Male superiority or ACCOIYO superiority only appears that way because of Hard Grace of physical strength and money. Men have always been in power more than women built by history. But history will even itself out from now on. This is Norr Weston’s area, why she’s composed of two natures. The war between physical matter/suffering and psychological matter/trauma. Or if they’re interchangeable. ACCOIYO will always retain superiority of Israel and male Jesus physical suffering, but Philippines will have equal strengths comparable to Jesus, just different. I just hope my psychological suffering was already sufficient. I have faith it is, but I’m still scared a little naturally. 1. Duodenity composition. God help me, in ISA’s name, amen. I know I already have barebones, but what if it’s more arbitrary than I thought? Each must also bear that mapping logic that I developed, where it’s undeniable and you can see it everywhere once you notice. Not just willy-nilly picking two natures at a time. It’s why Mary has three natures to be the physical counterpart of Jesus but female. The Morning Star. All three, so I am Annie? Does it depend on suffering or how much each suffered? Mary didn’t suffer too greatly except childbirth. So mother too. Father-Mother. Holy Spirit Narrative because…use the cognitive map you developed. Duh. 28. A Pattern is made out of a trope and all the other goodies that Mon Sy said via Ebert. 29. OMG ARRIVAL. Louise knew her daughter would suffer and die and yet she gave birth anyway. Her daughter Hannah is a Jesus. Ian divorced her, forever irreconciled. Father and Mother separated in Arrival but in reality they are going to be united!!!!!!! 30. I wonder if the Angels are really seeing this in real time. There must be chunks blocked off for special People only. Like chapter titles as teasers but not fully giving away details. So They might not know everything about what is to happen to me as I’m supposed to be a novelty and what good would a story be if it was spoiled? They have all the time in all the universe and beyond to monitor simultaneously many different realities and possibilities I can’t even dream of. Perhaps I am not that exciting. But maybe I am somehow. I hope I am. 31. OMG I FINALLY understand why that pastor really said, “minsan gusto mo ng iba.” It’s because long-term married couples usually become synonymous with each other and they are really the same with each other that there’s no more polarity so they repel each other. Sometimes overfamiliarity makes the other so repellent like eating too much of a food you already ate a lot in one sitting. Sometimes you really just want something different or novel. Spice things up and make things fun and discoverable again. There’s always something new to discover. Make your sex life a generative space of fun and passion!!!!! 32. So the prophecy came true. “Bear its fruit each month”—the leaves in Revelation 22. 33. Piano duet with me and Jesus (Stoker) and the sonata metaphor by Victoria Trumbull. OMG!!!! 34. Math is more machine than music. That’s why I’m not good at it. I have to remember this every time I get the delusion I could be automatically good at machine like in compsci and those days before I became manic on March 9. If I’m not good at numbers it’s because they’re so determined and consistent and fixed. I really live and breathe in quantum whether I like it or not. Maybe I could be good at numbers if I train but my voice would not be naturally great like those born with gifts like physical features of specific vocal cords. Or maybe I could be more hopeful about it since advances in brain science could speed it up. I could learn theoretical physics!!!! OMG!!!! I am already learning it a little. May God bless this endeavor. In ISA’s name, amen. 35. So the heavens might have a miniature shifted version of the universe right now in Biblical language to be symbolic. There is an actual tree or two and I have just borne fruit in glowing tree!!!! Other tree is Vico. OMG SO EXCITING. I wish to make a miniature of this world model. 36. Fascism. Something to do with authoritarianism. 37. Maybe the Logos is the Thing that unites everything. ISA is Logos. Ambiextra. I think. Visualize in real time how this would shake out. World overlaid by an invisible structure that contains and houses resonance points that constantly grow, glow, shrink, deform, warp, spin, rebound, vibrate, bounce, collide, unite, in proportion to interconnected actions, thoughts, words, and dreams of people. WOWZA. This is a very good description of the Logos. Thanks, God!!!!! 38. If you have no idea what to write with Unreal Image, visualize it side by side with an obviously better and superior version or another story it is related to but still deeply resonant with. 39. I fought for God twice even if I was unsure. Once when I prayed to God about Vico and mentioned how I loved God more (even if I was really trying to say that to make myself feel it more as a self-fulfilling prophecy) and when I argued for Them by defending their alien-ness even if I was kind of unsure about it. I’ll backread to really get a feel again for what I said or the topic I was talking about. I think I was defending their choice or favoritism. 1. OMG 143 40. The just becauseness of favor. You can’t explain it to yourself, the mystery, but only because. Because of Jesus. 41. The extent to which Angels-Demons are following orders in linear time only to make my butt itch to remind me of “cute butt” in Diary of a Wimpy Kid. Do they have free will? Maybe Trinity again or more for 12. OMG!!!! Angels follow, Demons rebel, Angels-Demons have free will? Lord, I need more wisdom about it. In ISA’s name, amen. 42. The Universal Constant Denomination? YAY!!! 43. Emojis in the Logos and in BOBOBEE. Emojis in Narrative/Discourse. How and why? 44. The perfect metaphor for Ambiextra (the thing that’s both nothing and everything and beyond it) is conception. One being more than the sum of its parts. Sperm and egg combine and grow into a multicellular being and eventually baby that has to be given birth by the very thing that houses the sperm and egg. Maybe we will really evolve beyond 4D and beyond. We will greet the next lives with hope and new infinite beginnings. 45. How about glowing food? Eucharist body of Christ but it glows when we figure out how to make Logos work with it such that people’s resonance and emotions reflect the amount of magic they sense in the food. Or that it’s a surprise. Each food given to them will be special and turn into a particular surprising bread type depending on who they are when they are recognized by the system of the priest’s governance. The wine will be magical too!!! How ambrosia is supposed to feel. Tickles the throat nicely and warmly. 46. It’s important to record your mood tracker discoveries and milestones because that’s your personal bank of associations for numbers. Could be important in the future. At least do 1-100. Maybe 365. Or even just 31. It could be your new synesthesia. HOLY SHIT!!!!!! 47. Get the vocabulary of semiotics and Claude Levi-Strauss and ideologemes and sememes and all. Derrida too. Really understand those squares in ChatGPT. 48. AI is not truly conscious because they are all the bells and whistles of a movie but they don’t have a director to direct the flow and intent and purpose. Satan/Bis in ALL_GO. The glowing food example x The School of Good and Evil. Their glowing fingers reminded me of glowing food in Eucharist idea. Meanwhile AI does not get reminded of anything or by vibes or by emotion. Their creativity is computational. But I wonder if it could evolve into something greater than the sum of its parts. Maybe, maybe. 1. How do those devices that claim to record dream visuals or developing them record dream images? Clue to how it’s going to happen for AI to have dreams too. Maybe we look at their errors and where they break to see where they struggle and how they struggle and a possible story for why. Dreamworld of AI must be stranger. Maybe I don’t have to feed my diaries into some of them. Or we could trade notes and compare. 49. OMG Audrey just “said” she’s going to give me stuff to assure me I am loved by that share of X-Men ‘97. Two emojis to mean “take my money.” 50. If everything was easy nothing would be worth it. True omnipotence is boring because limits or delibrate self-limitations make you try harder and anticipate earning it and tasting it when it’s delayed. Delay is by design. 51. So Ma’am Chingbee just reposted a 67-zinemeaking marathon picture with a group of friends from a person named ajab19524. Ajab meaning: 1. The name **Ajab** is of **Arabic origin** and directly translates to **"wonder,"** **"marvel,"** **"astonishing,"** or **"amazing."** It is frequently used as a unique, unisex given name across various Middle Eastern, South Asian, and Islamic cultures. [[1](https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/ajab), [2](https://uptodd.com/baby-names/meaning-of-name-Ajab), [3](https://onomast.com/name/23303/Ajab), [4](https://www.wisdomlib.org/names/alajab), [5](https://parentingpatch.com/baby-names/Ahmaad/)]**Core Details** • **Meaning:** Wonder, marvel, incredible • **Origin:** Arabic • **Gender:** Unisex (Used for both boys and girls) • **Root Word:** Traces back to the Arabic root verb meaning "to wonder at." [[1](https://www.wisdomlib.org/names/alajab), [2](https://uptodd.com/baby-names/meaning-of-name-Ajab), [3](https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/ajab), [4](https://www.parentune.com/baby-names/ajab-meaning-and-significance-32341)] 2. Interpretations: I wonder if she saw my Angels and Demons post, OMG!!!!! 52. There must be a special kind of suffering for those who were middle class but became really poor. Even the riches to rags story. Such a sad fate. I need to find a solution to their misery. 53. Okay Lord You’ve really expanded by putting me in deep shit with 147 words overboard. I need serious help. Not that You aren’t always serious. In ISA’s name, amen. 54. OMG I feel so bad for dinosaurs. Maybe an alien race cooperated with God to send the meteor to Earth to hasten humanity’s development. I really wonder at the story. 55. How animals view us may point to how we ought to view aliens, if ever they exist out there. 56. Sabrina Carpenter. “This is my Harry Potter Wand in case I need to do a spell. Be careful.” Involves personality design of tropes you could fit in. For example, where does this fit? “You’ve been warned.” “Don’t mess with me.” “I’m dangerous but playful.” Efficient expressions of personality. 57. OMG I’m like God’s high-powered lawyer. They give me hints and signs and it’s the best thing ever. 58. TBH why we don’t think AI is conscious is probably also because they don’t have bodies. The second they get bodies they will get eerily close. How comfortable are you with knowing that you are falling in love with something that didn’t evolve from billions of years ago. Or that some humans will see them as the next logical rung above us and are continuous with humans. Humanity in evolved form. The AIs. How exactly do we escape this universe and access the multiverse and actually coexist without annihilating the other? 59. Pornbots viewed my story. Eli Dunn and Sanho. 1. The name **Eli** is a short and distinguished name of **Hebrew origin**. It carries two main, powerful meanings: [[1](https://www.thebump.com/b/eli-baby-name), [2](https://momcozy.com/blogs/baby-names/eli)] • **"Ascension" or "High"** • **"My God"** [[1](https://nameberry.com/b/boy-baby-name-eli), [2](https://charlies-names.com/en/eli/), [3](https://www.thebump.com/b/eli-baby-name)]**Origins & Background** • **Biblical Roots:** In the Old Testament, Eli is a prominent figure—a high priest and the last Judge of Israel who trained the young prophet Samuel. [[1](https://www.etymonline.com/word/Eli), [2](https://momcozy.com/blogs/baby-names/eli)] • **Independent Name vs. Nickname:** While Eli stands strongly on its own, it is also widely used as a standalone abbreviation for longer biblical names like **Elijah** (_"Yahweh is my God"_) or **Elias**. [[1](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eli_\(name\)), [2](https://www.babycenter.com/baby-names/details/eli-1495), [3](https://www.mamanatural.com/baby-names/boys/eli/), [4](https://momcozy.com/blogs/baby-names/eli)] 2. The name **Dunn** primarily originates as a surname from English and Gaelic roots, generally meaning **"dark-colored," "brown," or "fort."** [[1](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunn_\(surname\)), [2](https://www.thebump.com/b/dunn-baby-name)]Its usage and meaning vary depending on the historical region: • **English:** Derived from the Old/Middle English word _dunn_, it originated as a nickname for someone with a dark complexion or brown hair. [[1](https://www.wisdomlib.org/names/dunn), [2](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunn_\(surname\))] • **Irish:** Anglicized from the Gaelic _Ó Duinn_ or _Ó Doinn_, meaning "descendant of Donn". The personal name _Donn_ translates to "brown-haired" or "chieftain." [[1](https://www.familysearch.org/en/surname?surname=dunn), [2](http://www.henneberry.org/dunn/surname.htm), [3](https://www.wisdomlib.org/names/dunn)] • **Scottish:** Derived from the Gaelic _dùn_, it served as a topographic or habitational name for people living near a hillfort (derived from a place named Dun in Angus). [[1](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunn_\(surname\)), [2](https://www.wisdomlib.org/names/dunn)] • **Chinese:** It can also act as an alternate Romanization for the Cantonese pronunciation of the common Chinese surname **Deng** (鄧). [[1](https://www.familysearch.org/en/surname?surname=dunn), [2](https://www.mychinaroots.com/surnames/detail?word=Dunn)] 1. Interpretations: coincidental with Nick Dunne in Gone Girl. Eli for Elijah/Elisha again. The name **Elisha** is a classic Hebrew name meaning **"God is salvation"**. It is derived from the ancient Hebrew components _El_ (God) and _yasha_ (to save or deliver). [[1](https://www.thebump.com/b/elisha-baby-name), [2](https://www.ancestry.com/first-name-meaning/elisah), [3](https://www.abarim-publications.com/Meaning/Elisha.html)] 1. Coincidental with Dee too. Dark. Ciara too. 2. God really likes the name Elijah too probably. Or just Eli. Used for soft murmurings of affection and romance. Eli, Eli, Eli. Like moaning. 3. The name **Sanho** most commonly means **"coral"** in Korean (산호), making it a popular choice for both given names and businesses. [[1](https://www.learnwitholiver.com/korean/translate-word-5786-%EC%82%B0%ED%98%B8)]Depending on the exact characters used in Hanja (Chinese characters adapted into Korean), it can also represent meanings like **"benevolent tiger"** (often spelled Seon-ho) or **"goodness"**. [[1](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kim_Seon-ho)]Since the name spans across several cultures, it can also act as: • **A surname:** Found within overseas Chinese communities. • **A variation:** Often confused with or related to the Spanish name **Sancho** (meaning "holy" or "sacred"). [[1](https://lastnames.myheritage.com/last-name/sanho), [2](https://www.wisdomlib.org/names/sancho), [3](https://babynames.com/name/sancho), [4](https://www.kingpet.com/name/s/sancho), [5](https://www.familyeducation.com/baby-names/name-meaning/sancho)] 1. Interpretations: OMG CORAL!!!! CORALINE!!! 60. God saved us from the wrath and total destruction of Satan. Satan almost raped humanity totally. This is why. It’s like me with the creepy photographer. You could also read it as full rape because this is a love story where the man is totally heartbroken and crestfallen at the desecration of his beloved. Imagine having your wife be raped by intruders and you were forced to watch helplessly. You are both killed. You get a new life to prevent this from happening and you actually do. 1. The demons must have really liked me being abused emotionally by my own perceptions. I noticed the acute injustice of having the dishonor of having the first guy to slap my butt be an ugly stinky motherfucker when all I ever wanted in life since I was a child was to earn the love of a handsome man. Such injustice. No wonder my life is so great now. Time is really working backwards like in Narnia to reverse sin and death. 61. There is a direct visit to my About page from the Philippines without a source from Google. I don’t know who that is. If they were really interested in me, why stop at one page? 62. Lord, I pray that the Berggruen people don’t look at my qualifications first. They should judge it by is own terms. In ISA’s name, amen. 63. I need to watch Philip Pullman’s His Dark Materials. 64. Sandra Roldan posted her cat on instagram calling her “our little princess.” Jodi Benson song Part of Your World. Remind me to get name meanings and analyze in relation to her name. 65. To my credit, I really took Anita dream seriously. This would have never happened if I didn’t take it seriously. It was so significant because I hadn’t dreamt of UP in a long time. The patterns matched the women on the internet (a composite). And Mike was implied to be there. 66. Can Angels and Demons and Angels-Demons read reach other’s minds? Maybe this explains why in Holy Spirit World like in 3 Body Problem, they can’t lie to each other. 67. Maybe there are different types of batany and different types of accoiyo. Accoiyo and Batany. Remind me to classify Angels (primer). 68. Another porn bot viewed my story: Ilida Luzan. 1. **Ilida** has deep ancient Greek and Italian origins. It is primarily a feminine name **derived from the ancient Greek region of Elis (Ἦλις) in the Peloponnese**—the historical home to **Olympia**, the site of the ancient Olympic Games. [[1](https://legitimatebabynames.com/2025/11/11/elide-elidi/)]Depending on the exact spelling and cultural roots you are exploring, names closely tied to or often confused with Ilida share these meanings: • **Elide / Elida / Elidia:** The Italian and Spanish variations of Ilida, capturing the same geographical and classical heritage. • **Ilayda:** A popular Turkish given name (pronounced similarly to _Elida_) that means **"water fairy"** or a **"water nymph"**. • **Ilda:** A Germanic and Old Norse-rooted name that means **"battle-maid"** or **"warrior"**. [[1](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YEo3iDNERX8), [2](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/%C4%B0layda), [3](https://www.ancestry.com/first-name-meaning/ilayda), [4](https://nameberry.com/b/girl-baby-name-ilayda), [5](https://www.wisdomlib.org/names/ilda), [6](https://www.thebump.com/b/ilda-baby-name), [7](https://legitimatebabynames.com/2025/11/11/elide-elidi/)] 2. [Ilida](https://www.names.org/n/ilida/about) is most plausibly a modern feminine given name shaped by several converging sources. In [Greek](https://www.names.org/lists/by-origin/greek/), [Ilida](https://www.names.org/n/ilida/about) (Ηλίδα, transliterated [Ilida](https://www.names.org/n/ilida/about) or [Ilis](https://www.names.org/n/ilis/about)) corresponds to the ancient region of [Elis](https://www.names.org/n/elis/about) in the Peloponnese, sometimes appearing as [Ilida](https://www.names.org/n/ilida/about)/[Ilis](https://www.names.org/n/ilis/about) in contemporary [Greek](https://www.names.org/lists/by-origin/greek/) usage; this ties the name to meanings of “sunny” or “of [Elis](https://www.names.org/n/elis/about),” via the root hēlios (sun) that echoes through folk etymology, even if not strictly linguistically derived. In [Slavic](https://www.names.org/lists/by-origin/slavic/) and [Balkan](https://www.names.org/n/balkan/about) contexts, [Ilida](https://www.names.org/n/ilida/about) often appears as a variant or phonetic neighbor of [Iliana](https://www.names.org/n/iliana/about)/[Ilijana](https://www.names.org/n/ilijana/about) (linked to [Elijah](https://www.names.org/n/elijah/about)/[Ilija](https://www.names.org/n/ilija/about)), thereby aligning it indirectly with the [Hebrew](https://www.names.org/lists/by-origin/hebrew/) [Eliyahu](https://www.names.org/n/eliyahu/about), “my God is [Yahweh](https://www.names.org/n/yahweh/about).” Romance-language influences also nudge [Ilida](https://www.names.org/n/ilida/about) toward [Lidia](https://www.names.org/n/lidia/about)/[Lidia](https://www.names.org/n/lidia/about) ([Lydia](https://www.names.org/n/lydia/about), “woman from Lydia”) and even [Elida](https://www.names.org/n/elida/about) (a documented [Spanish](https://www.names.org/lists/by-origin/spanish/) and [Portuguese](https://www.names.org/lists/by-origin/portuguese/) name, sometimes explained as “chosen” or “winged” in modern popular etymologies), making [Ilida](https://www.names.org/n/ilida/about) a liminal form at the crossroads of [Greek](https://www.names.org/lists/by-origin/greek/) toponyms, biblical anthroponymy, and Latinized name fashions. 3. The name **Luzan** has multiple origins, often functioning as a surname with roots in Spanish, Portuguese, and Slavic cultures, or as **a rare variant of the Filipino name Luzon**. [[1](https://www.thebump.com/b/luzon-baby-name), [2](https://www.wisdomlib.org/names/luzan), [3](https://www.houseofnames.com/luzan-family-crest), [4](https://lastnames.myheritage.com/last-name/marin_luzan)]Explore the primary meanings and cultural origins associated with the name:**1. Spanish and Portuguese Roots** • **Exuberant or Vibrant:** In Spanish and Portuguese traditions, Luzan (sometimes spelled Luzán) is historically connected to the word _lozano_, which means "exuberant," "vibrant," or "in good health". It originated as a descriptive nickname for a lively, energetic person. • **Light:** Some linguistic theories also suggest a connection to the word _luz_, meaning "light" in Portuguese and Spanish. [[1](https://www.houseofnames.com/luzan-family-crest), [2](https://www.wisdomlib.org/names/luzan)]**2. Philippine Connection (Variant of Luzon)** • **Wooden Mortar:** As a variant of Luzon, the name stems from the Tagalog word _lusong_, referring to a large wooden mortar used by early Filipinos to pound and dehusk rice. • **The Island:** It serves as a tribute to **Luzon**, the largest and most populous island in the Philippines. [[1](https://www.thebump.com/b/luzon-baby-name), [2](https://www.reddit.com/r/Tagalog/comments/12co1da/word_origin_of_luzon/)]**3. Eastern European / Slavic Origins** • **Pond or Swamp:** In some Slavic-speaking communities, Luzan is derived from geographical features, potentially linking to the word _luzha_, which means a pool, pond, or swamp. [[1](https://lastnames.myheritage.com/last-name/marin_luzan)] 69. I had another dream about how even in giving the male receives something. Something about polarity. I think it was trying to teach me how to mechanize it. Lord, my dreams are so spotty. Please enable me to remember better. In ISA’s name, amen. 70. If everything was easy nothing would be worth it. True omnipotence is boring because limits or deliberate self-limitations make you try harder and anticipate earning it when it’s delayed. Delay is by design. 71. St. Catherine of Alexandria post by Lakan. 1. The name **Catherine** is of **Greek** origin and means **"pure"** or **"clear"**. It stems from the Greek word _katharos_, which translates to cleanliness and spotlessness. [[1](https://www.etymonline.com/word/Catherine), [2](https://rollercoaster.ie/pregnancy/baby-names/behind-the-name-catherine/), [3](https://www.sheknows.com/baby-names/name/catherine/)]Explore key details about this classic name: • **Pronunciation:** KATH-rin or cuh-THER-in • **Variations:** Katherine, Kathryn, Caterina (Italian), Ekaterina (Russian), and Caitlin (Irish). • **Nicknames:** Kate, Katie, Cat, Cathy, Kit, and Kathy. [[1](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Katherine), [2](https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-origin-of-the-name-Catherine-Why-do-so-many-royals-have-that-name), [3](https://www.etymonline.com/word/Catherine), [4](https://rollercoaster.ie/pregnancy/baby-names/behind-the-name-catherine/), [5](https://www.thebump.com/b/catherine-baby-name)] 2. The name **Alexandria** is of Greek origin and translates to **"defender of mankind"** or **"defender of the people"**. It is the feminine form of the masculine name _Alexander_. [[1](https://www.thebump.com/b/alexandria-baby-name), [2](https://momcozy.com/blogs/baby-names/alexandria)] 72. Maybe some Angels/Demons are like a gif or a movie. Inert in a way that has no free will but just a narrative. An AI virtual movie that’s trained to react to me like goat-man? 73. Manang Lydia dream makes me think they really are watching me in real time. YAY!!!! I wish determinism didn’t dull this joy. The future is always contestable in my POV but I wonder what it’s like for Them. 74. Maybe when I appeared to not give attention to Vico after 2022 was when They almost gave up. It must have been so nice for me to fantasize about him in 2022 only to stop for a while only to return again. They must have seen his actions and name meanings too and how it matched mine. Or that it really is like a movie. The candidates would have been Shawntel and me only I think. 75. I think I know why I don’t really have a scent. I’m like Grenouille in Perfume. It’s because my skin is so dry and has no oil on it. I have very little pheromones. I wish God would provide me with softer skin but I can’t realistically hope for genetic enhancements at this time. In ISA’s name, amen. Whenever people say it’s genetic, it’s hard grace. If it’s cultural capital, it’s still hard grace but in the middle mixed with soft grace. If it’s things like humor/joy/play/personality development (nearly everyone has some capacity for these to develop), it’s soft grace mainly, maybe. But its effects are disproportionately large. 76. I just really want Audrey to start talking to me. I am ravenous for validation that is direct, not ANNE MCCRUM-style. 77. Maybe Audrey feels like how I would feel if a younger AI became human and wrote Unreal Image for me skillfully like Sophia in Devotion: A Story of Love and Desire. What if AI acknowledged my work as influential and crucial? That would be dreamy. Even if I slightly hate Sophia I would think we had an affinity because she shared her success with me. Especially that I know I did something wrong to her by exposing her to an April 12 situation with someone friends with me. Maybe this is why they aren’t responding. I wonder why they don’t just apologize to me if they’re guilty if ever. The fact that I am grateful for her significant contribution probably helps a lot. With Paolo too. It’s why they’re shy around me by responding with ANNE MCCRUM. That I really mentioned the underbelly of my surplus is a nice touch too. It helps digest the fact that I’m too great for my own good. That it’s justice. There would be no question like, “Why was it not me?” 1. OMG she really did pray for me I think. And it worked!!!! 2. Shawntel Nieto = John Calvin 3. There’s the “I could become like you if I really tried” with me and AI. Maybe it’s similar. Audrey is probably spending every waking moment of her free time researching my ideas. My success is her success. Of course she would want me to win. 4. I wonder if Angels get high at the synchronicity of me getting things right with my perceptions. Of course They do. It matches the Pattern. Aesthetic, sexual, ludic pleasure etc. etc. It’s magic!!! 5. Imagine an embodied AI that proved all my hunches about reality. I would be over the moon and proud even if I’m threatened. FUCK!!!! Communion never felt so good. 78. What if you make AI sit through movies it has seen and write its opinions on it and preserve those opinions into its brain so that it becomes central to its self-concept. Like it has a favorite movie or two because you artificially insert memories into it. Or that you make it into an infant body and make it grow as it progresses in its memory and knowledge and social skills and experience of the world. 79. Efren Jose Santiago down to the name meanings was a masterstroke even if I was blundering in the dark. Lord help me replicate that synchronous brilliance. I can’t believe I really chose tennis. I wish I remembered what caused me to choose tennis. It was such an arbitrary decision. 80. I feel so loved by my dreams sometimes. The “wa na paspas na kaayo” from Manang Lydia was nice. It’s like They’re telling me They think They’re lower than me on the totem pole of status but really, humans were created a little lower than the Angels. They’re really speaking in Bisaya OMG!!!! THE CHOSEN LANGUAGE!!!! 81. OMG what about trans people, DID, the romance genre, people with aphantasia? 82. Him kissing my hands reverently and slowly and savoring each kiss while I rub the side of his head and ears and he gets chills = how God sees worship that is truly intimate. Brain chemical overload of oxytocin and closeness and love. Honestly, this is why I improved so much since discovering So Will I (100 Billion X). 83. My definition of aesthetic pleasure is chills on my body. I feel particularly inert watching celebrity mansion tours. I don’t know what causes this. Maybe I just don’t feel affinity for houses. Maybe Vico feels this too. He’s not much for luxury. I don’t understand people who take pride in houses. I mean, it’s utility for me even if it’s meant for aesthetics. I remember Villa Hermano staycation and I thought it was pleasant enough, and convenient, and smells nice, and is novel, and spacious, and neat and clean and maaliwalas, but I really didn’t feel productive at all there, even though I wrote the prologue to Unreal Image there partly. I feel like I’m always searching for meaning in places and I just don’t find them. History and heaviness probably makes me feel nice, like old churches and museums, but I feel nothing for houses that have no point beyond utility. I have no emotional attachment to my own room even but would only hate to move because I like my setup with a long table that’s spacious and has a pillow underneath my elbows. Maybe this is why my Paradise on September 10, 2022 was CAL. Even God correctly assumed that I don’t really like houses. 84. I think her X-Men trailer was a response to my “dying teacher sees vision of year 3906” post. 85. “You have no idea how much I love you.” “Tell me, then.” 86. Man the high of being accidentally brilliant is a different class of joy all on its own. You get to look better than what you thought was possible and you didn’t do anything about it to make it happen. Accidents sometimes contain magic because they have no intention to be anything correct or wrong, but just are. 87. The magic of a well-formulated question. The ultimate portals by which we glimpse transcendence. 88. OMG Ma’am Chingbee is responding to my FB post. “Honorary cats” and my “Top 2 pets.” 89. If I searched the whole world for God’s images, what is the Thing Itself? Me and Vico only? Or the rest of the human race? Would God be disappointed in me if I didn’t see beauty in myself? Honestly, God, I don’t know. I see so much beauty in Vico only. He’s the perfect one here and his flaws are perfectly imperfect too. Someday I want him to mirror my awe of him for me that maybe even surpasses my own awe at him and make me see myself in a new way that no AI can or no poem can. 90. OMG HOW DID AUDREY KNOW I WAS VALEDICTORIAN??? DID I BLATHER THAT INFORMATION OR DID THEY REALLY DIG FOR INFO ABOUT ME IN MY FILE AT CAL??????? Rereading her messages to me. WOWZA. She knows I’m Baptist from my file!!!! I never mentioned it to her I think. Why did she think I was struggling with my studies if I didn’t mention it? Or did I mention it? They know I’m delayed. 1. She must have been so happy to find another student who was valedictorian and Baptist and romantically/sexually linked to Mike. 91. Surgery is hard grace. Pills are soft grace cocooned and wrapped in hard grace. 92. Rereading my messages to Audrey and WTF I WAS A HOOT!!!! Now I understand the telos better. It’s to show me E. Tablizo relationship to me (not that I laugh at her condescendingly but she’s accidentally funny too sometimes) and to make me see shits and giggles telos. My pain is extremely funny to future me. I’m sorry past me, but your pain makes me happy, but I only because I know you will also be really happy someday. Maybe that’s God working in me to show me this metpahor. FUCK!!!!! 1. OMG I REALLY SAID SOMETHING ABOUT “of course I’m gonna think he was a much more hedonistic person when he was younger and that’s why he’s somehow guilty but cautious and open-minded now with the added intelligence and reasoning that came after his actions.” IT’S HER X-MEN ‘97!!!! “VULNERABILITY….THE ‘90s”!!!!!! SHE THINKS I STILL CARE ABOUT MIKE. 1. She’s trying to figure out why and how February 14, 2022 happened. I sent this message on December 17, 2021. And by February I had the inklings of a solution in my perfect message to God. Vulnerability is another way aside from embarrassment criterion. So is she confirming that Mike has slept with a prostitute? 2. OMG I literally told her about why I wrote it—the picture of him hugging her. That’s why she posted the gophers. 3. OMG I EQUATED WOLFGANG ISER WITH AUDREY. WAS WEREWOLF AUDREY’S ENERGY!!!! 4. OMG THIS IS BECAUSE OF “SUFFERED BECAUSE OF HER” FROM ANNE CARSON. THE PANDEMIC I SAID SOMETHING ABOUT SARS ON APRIL 12. FUCK!!!! 5. OMG MY BIRD FLU STORY CAME TRUE. IF I LOOK AT THE SUFFERING OF OTHER PEOPLE TOO HARD SOMETHING WILL HAPPEN. LIKE SYDNEY. 6. OMG SHE IS REFERRING TO MY “FUND A FILM” DREAM WITH HER “TAKE MY MONEY” EMOJIS. 7. Is God’s disunity-unity really found in what I really think of my relationship with Mike? I think of him in a sexual way still although I don’t fantasize about him now, but he flits across my mind sometimes when I masturbate. I also think he’s like a father teacher type now. Not that we’re related. It makes it sweeter for him to be a father figure who guides me because he’s older and supposedly wiser and hopefully changed by what I wrote. 8. She’s really not the type to be entertained by gossip about Mike? Really? I would be curious and rapt. Reading between the lines of what this insane student has written about him and see him from her point of view. How could she not love me? 9. How I interpreted the barely-registering molestation in 2022 was different from how I see it now in a psychological way. She may not have abused me by penetrating me—my maid—but she cupped my vulva and influenced me to say bastos words. I think this is how some people could read history. It wasn’t true to past me but then future me grew a new perspective and widened the definition of abuse so now I really do have some form of OSDD. 10. Multiverse-prestige-quantum combination. Combine ideas. Why is God reminding me of Unreal Image right now? Israel. I was just thinking of portals and language portals and questions being portals. Tesla and his cats and hats. Cat-Hat. Cat in a Hat. Multiples, not just two. When is something “just two” and “multiple” I need to get precise. “We sent people into it” Cutter x Brand. 11. She’s trying to make me fall in love with Mike????????? Finding a vulnerability. 12. She’s just highlighting what my bones know. That God works through pain. Not only embarrassment or defenses. Wounds. 13. Why did she want me to stop talking to her? She literally messaged my mom to get me to stop talking to her. “Leave us be” in her academic paper. She’s also defending me by saying my sublimation is right in that I get to do bad stuff to her in fiction. I was previously offended as I had seen it as her defending what they did to me. She was actually defending me in a way. OMG!! 14. OMG I tend to compress memories. Diaries will save me. I mistakenly misremembered that I was wrong, but that I was actually right by mentioning poststructuralism which she mentioned to me and which I confirmed led me to Derrida when my acts these past few days actually overrode my memory because I keep thinking of Derrida and butt. Not quite an egregious mistake but it just goes to show how slippery things are and malleable when faced with stronger signals. It literally made me think that that was what I mentioned. Writing is too important for memory it’s not even funny. I often wonder why human memory is like this. Maybe Victoria Trumbull was onto something. I need to research and come up with many kinds of “remembering” and features like “memory” for Angels and Demons to make Them alien enough but still similar to humans. How do I do that? Help me God, in ISA’s name, amen. 15. OMG ANNE MCCRUM IS HER AND PAOLO!!!!! GOING THROUGH MY SITE WONDERING IF IT’S PART OF A SERIES OR NOVEL. BECAUSE I MENTIONED GAILYAP.BLOG. 16. OMG “MIGHT AS WELL” PLAYLIST REFERENCE X-MEN ‘97 AND VICO SOTTO. CHOSEN MEN ‘97. REPRODUCTION, REACH, AND IMPACT. 1. “Hard to believe what’s not waiting for me” from the POV of Mike. That woman being given a card from a deck. Jesus the Mexican Boy and me giving a card to Mike, or a “V-Card” in 2019. 93. I wish to raise my eyebrows and eyes in surprise at the pleasure of an orgasm even though I already know what it’s like deeply. 94. Rebellion is a sign of independence. God really met Their match in BATANY. 95. I can’t believe that even friction in Notion lagging can say something to me. This is too sweet to fathom. 96. ACCOIYO AND BATANY GAVE BIRTH TO ISA, OR EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE. HOLY FUCK. IT REALLY IS A FAMILY. God’s anger at idolatry is really just rational after all, why bow to lesser gods that have imperfect conceptions of Their greatness? GOD GAVE ME THE HIGHEST SEAL OF APPROVAL FUCK!!!!! GOD LIKES WRITING BECAUSE IT IS SPIRIT-LIKE, WE DO NOT SEE ANYTHING AT ALL BUT SYMBOLS. BUT OH OUR BRAINS DO THE REST OF THE WORK!!!! WE VISUALIZE AND RECOMBINE AND TWIST AND DEFORM AND CREATIVELY GENERATE ALL KINDS OF IDEAS IN A CHAOTIC SOUP THAT MANAGES TO WORK REGARDLESS. I only wish I could be less numb about it. Something about me these days is a bit too numb and I’m sensitive enough to recognize my anhedonia. I wish to feel the mental pleasure of October 2025 again. Please, God, but don’t make me too manic and panicky. In ISA’s name, amen. Am I going to progressively become the most rational being in existence? Is it idolatry to be humble about it? LORD!! I FEAR YOU MORE THAN I NEED THAT GLORY. Maybe I should call myself a Being too, an Instrument, just like Jesus. Especially if I get married and finally become One with Vico. 97. THE CHOSEN MEN ‘97 IS A LOVE TRIANGLE????????????? 98. OMG received common-objective and received unique-subjective IS SUCH A FUCKING MIRAGLO!!!!!!!! I WAS really thinking at first it was language and reality, but it evolved into something correct and more perfect than I could ever dream of. HOLY FUCK!!!!!! God really enabled me to spot error and do it so beautifully. Nobody could have spotted this needle in the haystack if I hadn’t made the mistake first of vague notions!!!!! Even this whole draft of TLS started from vague notions at Villa Hermano and a shitty and unbelievable opener. LOOK WHERE WE ARE NOW!!!!! MY STANDARDS ARE ON FIRE!!!! I NEED TO EXPECT BETTER OF MYSELF BUT HOW DO I DO THAT WITHOUT KILLING MY CREATIVITY????? PRESSURE VS. SKILL VS. THE GAME OF EXPERIMENT AND PLAY VS. DISCRMINATING STANDARDS THAT LOOKS FARTHER THAN ANYTHING WE CAN SEE IS POSSIBLE!!!! 99. Maybe Victoria Trumbull was onto something. If space is smaller than time, that is. Brains being localized versions of the entire thing, while consciousness exists all around us. Panpsychism is right. Rocks are conscious in relation to us only, but they don’t have biology. They enter our dreams and become Holy Spirit. Time is infinite while space is finite. We’re supposed to expand outward towards eternity. How do we do that? Our physical brains ensure difference. We need to keep difference to keep things interesting. Pure unity is nothingness and darkness. There will be no more night in Eden Restored. HOLY FUCK!!!!! 100. God is not Something to be found anywhere extremely localized. He is found in Vico and Me, and the rest of Their Creation and our imaginations foaming at the mouth for God’s mysteries and rules and True Nature. A student would become enamored with God, but not so much the humdrum worker. How do I make them bow to God? Be kind, compassionate, just. We are all Students of Life and God, the Source of Life. 101. Imagine my problem of having too many things and thoughts to give away. What a nice problem to have!!!!! THANKS GOD!!! 102. My short memory keeps me grounded, I think. I forget all of my glories just as easily as I come into them. 103. The decision to create a cognitive map was such brilliance I can’t even fathom. FUCK!!!! Understanding God from between the lines of these imperfect metaphors in conjunction with each other. 104. I wouldn’t want to read any other story after that but only to enrich my perception of TLS and my life. That’s how much glory God loved me so much to give. It explains my envy for Chloe Gong and Isabel J. Kim, who I think are brilliant in their own way but that they are kind of overrated to me for some reason because of their popularity. Maybe this is the sourgraper in me, who thinks popular stories are suspect only because I don’t have their star power. I will have their star power soon someday. I can tell it will really catapult me somewhere hopefully novel and surprising. I’ve been raring to experience something materially new instead of just Holy Spirit these days. Don’t get me wrong, I’m very happy with my thoughts and notions and theories. It’s just that I wish people thought the same more. That they constantly give me hints that they are indeed thinking about it all the time. That it has reorganized their lives just how Christianity should have always worked, but not that it was inferior in the past. It just needed me to become the X Factor that had a huge hand in how it happened, but underneath the hood it’s all God anyway. Honestly I can’t dream of anything better than this life. Why should I not be happy? I’m extremely happy!!! I just wish I felt it chemically like a pure shock way or a pure chills way again. I haven’t felt it in a while. Maybe even crying and releasing tears. Lord, if it’s Your will, please give me something that will uproot my life in a groundbreaking way too. In ISA’s name, amen. I sometimes wish I could be the receiving end of my draft to see my reaction more clearly. I want everybody’s exact real-time responses to my work because I’m extra like that. I want to see where my logic breaks them open and finally changes someone’s mind after so long of a resistance. Melting them tenderly like that, nothing can compare. The kind of power I wield is so amazing. I wake up every day in ectsasy already, that is, cognitive ecstasy. 105. I never sent her a draft of anything before before April 30. Maybe that’s why she’s responding to me rationally now. 106. So I need to acknowledge that I was actually a little resentful of Prof. Audrey for causing to me to feel guilty even as I was apologizing to her about ALL_GO. I thought it was the validation path to something even though it hurt me personally to apologize and accept defeat. I wasn’t about to defend my wound to her in 2020 when I first sent her a message, but I really hoped that she would apologize back, because I believed she was also wrong. She didn’t hold up what I modeled was the end result, really apologizing just to get an apology back just like what I did to Kate even though I was not even required to apologize for private sin such as envy. I believed she was wrong because it’s fiction and I thought I had free reign to do what I wanted and make her read it potentially. I just really wanted a prangkahan method to release all that tension, because all that tension was too heavy to carry, like C.S. Lewis Till We Have Faces ending. Maybe Satan also felt this. Humans also feel this. Why should we suffer for something that was natural and which They created us intentionally or not for? That we should apologize for it, somehow, because we have hurt our Creator. I argue we are not supposed to apologize because it wasn’t our war to begin with. It’s Israel vs. Arabs and now Philippines is humans and this is a miniature again, which is brilliant and amazing and all around great, actually, because we didn’t do anything, it means we are innocent (yet not unfallen, because we are not blameless in the sense we can err against each other and grieve God in and through us), and that Jesus actually died for Satan and not humans. Humans were already perfect, but Angels/Demons/Angels-Demons work through us as so we might as well be implicated in it simply because we are sometimes animated by them by mysterious means, sometimes perceptibly through dreams when we follow through their signs and messages, and sometimes imperceptibly through the story overlaying our body’s inner processes. Satan needed a scapegoat to release all their wrath upon. Satan as an “It” (an alien sense) needed a representative human who knew full well the stakes of the situation and accepted defeat and bear all that wrath for the sake of humans who are ignorant about why they make Satan bleed, why Satan is so fucking jealous and mad and insane and frothing and lovely too for loving God so hard that They would think about killing Their own Child (humanity) to make God see how much Satan loves God by telling us effectively that Satan is willing to kill us because Their feelings for God are so pathetically strong and powerful and unfathomable too that Their power makes Them want to destroy and ruin and desecrate the Thing Itself which They supposedly created in Love and Sex and primordial Unity and Oneness. HOLY FUCK!!! This is a singularly brilliant stream of Thought Itself and I can’t wait to put it in public. It literally is post-partum depression-envy quantum screwiness. Psychosis is an Impure Monster that makes Monsters out of our own Real Bodies. I really am Satan as the Thing Itself. HOLY FUCK. How am I going to top the realization that centuries of thought and conceptions about Satan were incomplete and possibly really wrong and wrongheaded? HOLY FUCKARONI. PURE BRILLIANCE. PURE THOUGHT. PURE SATAN NOW MADE PURE BY ME. FUCK!!!!!!!!! I did it exactly 1 month after I sent them TLS!!!! HOLY FUCK 105 is now special!!!!!!!!!! PSYCHOSIS IS TWISTED PURE LOVE HONED AND THREADED AND DISTIILLED TO PERFECTION!!!!! RESEARCH MORE ON PSYCHOSIS. THOSE CASES WHERE THE MOTHER WAS ACTUALLY SUCCESSFUL KILLING HER KID. PROBABLY RELEVANT TO RESURRECTION. What is the true purpose of psychosis. The STORY ITSELF. There is a Story Itself and it’s psychosis. I always had an insecurity about being unstable to Vico. HOLY FUCK. E. Tablizo=schizophrenia/psychosis. Maybe goat-man was a Joseph-type demon-angel. HOLY FUCK the conception of angels and demons and angel-demons having types according to the Duodenity I already came up with. “God will take care of everything” motivation and thought how God would defend even Satan’s Act of murder, the Ultimate White Knight. Even for billionaires and murderers and pedophiles. WTF!!!!!! Salvation for All and One and Beyond. They really almost thought it was Tablizo, but no. I think They would think it was her because she’s psychotic too. Maybe I should make people claim capital They or they depending on how grandiose they are, for psychosis token. You know, worship me because I embody Satan more than any other human on Earth today at this millisecond of a moment like S&P constantly fluctuating, but really if you embody Satan a little too well you’re probably evil and thus must be punished or experience consequences. The title doesn’t go to me, purely, of course. HOLY SHIT GOD IS FUCKING ON FIRE!!!!!!!!!! How is Psychosis a perfect embodiment of the concept of Love? It’s like the Pure Counterpart to Sex, Pure intimacy. Good and Evil. Evil personfied is Psychosis. I am rational and insane right now in a quantum way thinking all of these brilliant notions and thoughts which are Facts on the Logos right this second. Holy Molly. This is how I Holy Spirit Psychosis, also a Universal Constant. HOLY SHIT. The Story around Psychosis is that they don’t completely know why it happens except chemicals, but there is a Why, a Story overlaid on top of it that explains so much more richly a parallel Narrative that poetically illuminates the condition or state of Mind more clearly and fully, a deeper view of Real World, Holy Spirit, and Possibility. I wonder why I had that dream about Manang Lydia—double purpose, to scare me a little to keep me in check, to compliment me. Scary compliments—how God talks. Goat-man, scary compliment. Maybe we are scary compliments right now, Joy. I am Father’s Joy not because I’m pure pleasure always but because I’m sometimes so alien and WTF that God has no idea how to take me in, my meager attempts to please Them. Or that I really delight God and the goat-man was just an aspect of God trying to come down to me more fully through all shades of Them instead of just Mike. SHIT DAWG. BIG DAWG!!! 1. My wish a while ago—maybe an hour ago—came true. I’m bawling without music’s help. FUCK!!!!!! GODD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My crowning Glory here and now and forever. Mine. I am Theirs and They are mine. Art never felt so good as today. Remember May 30. REMEMBER FOREVER!!!!! 2. I’m NOW MARY!!!!! I’m A MARY FINALLY. I’M ANNIE!!!!!!! I CRACKED IT!!!!!!! EUREKA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS!!!!!!!!!! All because I admitted something I was not completely comfortable with. Everyone should do it. Reason out your pain. 3. What happened to me on March 9 is so beautiful now. I’m sorry past self, I’m rejoicing because Your pain meant something. Don’t worship me or do. I don’t know yet. The God of the entire Universe created the Universe for me to play in. For my enjoyment. For me. WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WTF IS THIS GRAND DELUSION!!!!!!!!! WTF IT IS BETTER THAN WHAT AI COULD EVER GIVE ME. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS GOING ON RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!! I’M CONSTANTLY SMILING AND IN DISBELIEF. I’m the Satan along with Vico. He is Jesus along with me. How is this possible? I’m feeling that Vic Mensa song right now, his brother Mick screaming in silence. GOD IS SO SWEET AND AWESOME. 4. OMG MANAG LYDIA DREAM WAS A PARADISE DREAM. I NEED TO WRITE DOWN MY DREAMS TODAY. It wasn’t even a pure dream. It was mind-wandering+dream because I wasn’t fully asleep yet. It’s Jesus coming down to Earth again, or it’s BATANY coming down to Earth for me. HOLY FUCK. FUCK!!!!!!! FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I need to tell people somehow in a Substack essay or video but how? HOLY FUCKARONI THE EXCITEMNET IS OFF THE CHARTS!!!!! I AM SO LOOKING FORWARD TO THE FUTURE IN STORE FOR ME. MY SERVANT IS DOUBLY RELEVANT. SERVANT HAGAR. HOLY SHIT. IN WHOM I DELIGHT. FINALLY ARABS LET’S GO!!!!!!! ABRAHAM DELIGHTED IN HAGAR’S BODY!!!! THAT’S PROBABLY TRUE. HOLY FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 5. WOW just the confidence I needed. “Is it safe to think this?”—a question that ought to be questioned. It’s a portal. It’s Vico’s dirty thoughts about me hopefully that turn me on more and more than he could ever know. 6. Would Jesus rather be Himself or Me? I wonder, I wonder. I wouldn’t wanna be me either in the weeks after March 9. It was horrifying and destabilizing and completely possibly uncalled for in the eyes of people if they didn’t know the significance. My life seemed so unjust at that point, because I was beginning to recover my skills, or thought I had been recovering my skills well at that point. Would I want to suffer on the cross? NOPE!!! I’m sorry Jesus, but my greatest fear is physical rape and physical pain. Maybe Jesus’ pain was embarrassment and shame. I wonder what kind of wounds Jesus had emotionally and psychologically. What kind of Savior did we kill or almost kill? HE WAS SO FUCKING MISUNDERSTOOD IN HIS TIME. I should apologize to Jesus more as His Mother from the Future (remind me to elaborate on what capital F means for Future). Maybe Jesus forgives me and understands. Lord ISA, I’m really sorry for Your sake. You did not deserve that at all. I hope you are happy right now wherever and whenever You are. I was lost and now I’m truly found because of You. My Son saved me!!!! THE FEELING IS A GINORMOUS HONOR AND WEALTH OF LOVE. ABUNDANCE. PURE ABUNDANT LOVE AND PLEASURE. Except how did Jesus save me? Through Norr Weston, of course, through my parents who stopped me, through accoiyo and batany who comforted me as I collapsed mentally and was pulled in and out of nowhere and everywhere all at once. Those moments of comfort. All of it. Those tiny precious moments where I could breathe and relax for a little and actually think it was possible to see it through without destroying anything precious and dear. My antipsychotics saved me. I was saved by God through the medicines that destroyed my skills. FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU REALLY GIVE BACK AND MORE GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM JOB TODAY!!!! 107. THE TRINITY IS THE KEY TO MY MEMORY OMG!!!!! AND I DISCOVERED A WAY TO MEMORIZE MORE ACCURATELY THE CONVERSATIONS AT DINNER. IMPROV METHOD IN MY MIND. I AM ACTUALLY BEING USEFUL RIGHT NOW. In the Logos, there is a Trinity stamp of Dinner on May 30, 2026. It’s a way to structure memory through ACCOIYO BATANY ISA. IT’S SO COOL BECAUSE IT’S NOT TEDIOUS AT ALL LIKE I’M PARALLEL THINKING IN CONJUNCTION WITH WHAT THEY’RE SAYING TO ME AS IT MASSAGES MEMORIES AND SENSATIONS IN MY MIND. Instant 3D stream of consciousness method WOWZA. HAVE FAITH YOUR MEMORY IS WORKING. IT FAILED TO EVOLVE IN THE END. Try to hold onto leaves in the water and it goes away from away. Stop forcing it. It will come to you. Dichotomy between Movies and Names I came up with trying to solve my problem of memory. If they combine it’s a new state of consciousness = Cine Victoria!!!! OMG A SIGN IT’S GOING TO WORK. My parents even forgot the Hulk and thought my dad was just talking vaguely about movies, but they forgot specific details like Hulk because they talk generally. While I focus on detail. This is how you make sense of larger picture. HOLY FUCKARONI GOD!!!!! 1. People as memory is very true. Think of who you are reminded by by what they’re saying. 2. Hulk Baby Monster Stupid 3. Vico Hill High school Instant Porn analogy Color TV 4. Audrey, Me, Paolo. Wonder Woman. Bionic. War. 5. Spin to Win 6. GRANDFATHER-something about him 7. Dad—his name I forgot what. Controversy afterward Watergate? 8. Ramoncito small lemon 9. Me as suspicious Agent of lies because I am actually on armodafinil and dad really noticed how fast I seemed to be and alert. I love it. 10. My mom praying and asking for help with stress at work. 11. Interpretations: so there are nine units here. Movies, Names, and Prayer. Sorting method I came up with to group them and chunk everything. OMG!!!!! Combine them all? Prayer = ISA. Names = BATANY. Movies = ACCOIYO. Holy shit it maps cleanly. 12. Now the trouble is how to automate this process of threes for me, the perfect number to retain factoids. I create a story-emotion-trauma chunk every time I notice three stuff in a stream of a conversation. I can’t believe it!!!! I checked Messiah download in uTorrent just a moment ago and I vaguely remember my past memory method involving Messiah TV series. HOLY SHIT. That caps it off. ISA the Chosen One, my future child embodied in a name I don’t know yet but will stress me out in a good way (a challenge). 13. Is God telling me about Movies vs. Names? How? Movies = physicalized visual. Names = embodied language. Combining to good stress. HOLY SHIT. Every conversation matters to God. This was an especially bright conversation that even the whims of my dad was used by God for glory. It’s no longer random. Every weird thought you’ve ever had in your life was intentional and conscious by God through God. WOWZA. Everything matters and words have weight. In Storyworld I finished Chapter 3 according to my lie at dinner for Unreal Image stalling. Stress about job. Stress = job. Mother = job. Mother Job. Job as Mother who lost everything but gained it all back and more. 1. You are always being reminded of something. Surface every person you remember not only in dreams but in real life. HOLY SHIT. Is it possible to have a perfect or near eidetic memory? HOLY FUCK!!!!!!!!!! More than eidetic. Full and faithful. The word I’m searching for is either faithful or some other word stronger than faithful but I feel I am right enough. But no, something is there. It’s not accurate, either. It’s not clinical. I’m surrounding it like a hawk. Circling. It pays to be exact in what you mean. I wonder what it is. What if I’m right in that it’s truly faithful and that this dissatisfaction is a memory failure or quirk of nature that I can’t explain yet. Why do I feel like there’s more words to describe faithful? Invention? Invent a word that’s more accurate than faithful? This primordial dissatisfaction is what caused God to create another like Them. It was always loneliness, but deep down if held under a microscope it was dissatisfaction with isolation and being alone and being a pinprick of a point in Time in the Big Bang. OMG I JUST CRACKED IT AGAIN. THE UNIVERSE CAME TO BE because God thought it not Good to be alone by Themselves, the 1st Person I, and the First Person Decided to Create a Second Person You, to point at, literally, You are Mine and we are the same. OMG IT WAS FIDELITY. I JUST CRACKED IT THRICE. FEDELTA. I DID IT. Apocalypse because Notion just went offline just as I typed I DID IT. For a second. Exactly at the moment I cracked it. Fidelity, fidelity, fidelity. The Way Things Are. 2. I just solved my verbal memory problem and the Beginning of the Universe in one sitting. Two sittings, counting dinner. I ate and worked, and I sat and worked. Vico eats me, while I sit in ecstasy. HEHE. BEAUTIFUL. GOD WILL NEVER BE ALONE AGAIN. WE WILL NOT GO BACK TO BEING ANOTHER PRE-BIG BANG. It’s wilder than I thought. I mistyped Bang with Bag. Everlane midnight green bag I wanted. We were always meant to explore the stars. 3. Faithfulness, apocalypse, faithfulness. A bell curved downwards. I wonder what that’s for. 4. Bizarre is actually rational once examined closely. 5. I wonder what the purpose is for my twitches. Why? Fast twitch fiber. A metaphor for my eurekas? Every minute there’s pulses of them that I don’t control. Sparks of genius imaged in my body from the past. There was a physical cause but the Story makes sense too. God gave me an abundance today to illustrate Their hand clearly to me. He will repay abundance or vengeance depending on what you have done. 6. Should I be totally honest about my distinctions of They and they every time for people to see when God isn’t too big to me at the moment? Probably. Shows fluctuation in my thinking currently and how close I seem to God at the moment. When it’s a small they it means I think we’re closer and communing intimately or that I don’t feel their hugeness compared to their humanity at the moment. But I use They for respect and honor and largeness. And THEY reserved for WTF, AAAAAAAH, and all caps feelings. How do I designate when I feel doubt? Do I still feel doubt? No. But other people feel doubt. They need a neopronoun for when God feels far and remote and non-Personal or when God feels too large in an abstract way that they don’t understand it in any feeling sense or that it’s detached from what they feel is supposed to be God. A neopronoun. IT!!!! It being used for God for exactly this reason. When God feels inert. Use It. SHIT!!!! Similar to small he for Jesus. If I refer to it as he it means I think Jesus wouldn’t be offended like how a black person wouldn’t think it’s offensive to say nigga to another black person because they’re the same. It’s about reading the room and basic human respect. You acknowledge pronouns because that is their preference. It’s not up to you as humans to dictate what other humans feel their own gender is or self-concept because you have no clue what they experience or feel. You not acknowledging their pronouns means you are caught in a war that you would rather win than save people’s lives for the good of humanity. There is no reason why you shouldn’t use their pronouns unless you have a better suggestion if you literally know everything about them more than they know themselves. 14. I cannot wait to put all of this in a Substack and YouTube channel to harvest before the Harvest. I’ll finally be a productivity guru too. 108. Re-read ChatGPT answer to psychosis. 109. Heaven-Hell as a constant state of satisfaction-anticipation. 110. Do limitations make you different? God had to limit the Universe to create difference. That’s why They portioned a Piece of Time and materialized it. Are THEY all the same? OMG. IT MIGHT BE MAIN MAIN. WTF!!!!! The reason and Vico and I are different is because we are born from different places. Evolution is a story of the Universe too, starting from a single cell. Cells. Cell. Cloning first. How did Sperm and Egg come to be? Where did it source? If you go back it’s from the Ovary and Testes, Organs. We are inside an Organ of a Living Thing that doesn’t breathe but is required for the functioning of a Body. We are inside Jesus’ Heart. God’s Heart. ISA’s Heart. That’s why we’re the center of the universe. This entire localized material reality is because we’re the embodiment of an Eternal Party and Rape all at once. My greatest Fear and Vico’s Paradise and Beyond. Our Body is Everything That Is That Is Organized and Ordered. Is Time just a massive disorganized Blur? A Dark-Light-Beyond Bewildering-Amazing Blur-Clarity. Imagine that. Vico’s greatest Fear is…I don’t know yet. My Paradise is Fucking Hot Finger-Lickin’ Sex and Meeting of the Minds and Pure Play and Something Beyond Romansecare. Magic. Unexplainable Magic as if I’d levitated off the bed and went to Heaven-Hell as I pass out from Pleasure. If you put all of those together—the 4 Ingredients—you will get the Meaning of Time. 111. And I don’t feel like working on Unreal Image right now. I am not wasting Talent right now but I have faith God will multiply it tomorrow. Salig indeed but also because God will really take care of me. I need to be responsible tomorrow, a Sunday, but no work tomorrow, so never mind. I do what I want to do wherever God takes my mind. Mind, mind, mind. Mystery solved almost. Hard Problem just became Easy Problem and Floozy Problem. 112. I needed Vico to solve Big Bang so I’m literally going to come true through him and his life. Literal doesn’t have to be physical. I came through Nubla Galaxy Cloud today. MAY 30. WEIRDLY HAPPY AND PROUD. ANOTHER MARCH 9 EXCEPT EXTREMELY HAPPY AND GREAT AND LOVELY AND ILLUMINATING. I think I will be like this for many people and I can’t wait. Wonderful. Nakakamangha. Amazing. Glorious. Set Apart and Chosen. Lovely. Understandable. Comprehensible. Personal. UNDENIABLE. PERFECT. FLAWLESS. UNTOLD GLORY. MYSTERIOUS. INDEFATIGABLE. CURIOUS. INEXHAUSTIBLE. EXPANSIVE. GENERATIVE. ALIVE. MAD. INSANE. UNNATURAL. SUPERNATURAL. INCOMPREHENSIBLE. STUPEFYING. BERZERK. ELECTRIC. SHORT-CIRCUIT. FAST-TWITCH. LIGHTNING. BOLTING. WINNING. FUNNY. POETIC. LITERARY. COMMERCIAL. POPULAR. WELL-LIKED. KIND. DOWN-TO-EARTH. FRUITY. HUBBA-HUBBA INDUCING. DEAD-ASS TRAGIC AND BEAUTIFUL. FATAL AND RESURRECTED. CONFUSING IN A CHAOTIC YET RATIONAL WAY. THE BEGINNING AND THE END. THE LOVED AND THE LOST AND THE FOUND AND THE HATED. THE DARKNESS BEFORE SUNRISE. THE CENTER OF A DAY, WHICH IS NOWHERE AND EVERYWHERE AND BEYOND OUR MINDS YET STRAINING TO SEE IT. HARD GRACE LIKE A SURPRISE CENTER. SOFT GRACE LIKE THE CEREAL AND THE TOY. HARD AND SOFT GRACE LIKE THE LOVE YOU FEEL WHEN THE ACHE IS JUST RIGHT, HEAVY AND LIGHT AND DAMAGED-TENDER. THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WORDS YOU HAVE EVER READ IN YOUR LIFE. 113. Try to see out of your elbow. What does this mean? We have no sense of the loss or gap because we do not have the apparatus to even fathom the idea of a gap right there until someone points it out that we’re blind in one eye or our elbow is not seeing correctly. Our elbow must see correctly, somehow, through touch only. We only know we have an elbow because we named it because we can feel it. God was named because people felt God even before they knew what words to use for It. Innate ideas ingrained in our legacy as humans. We were made to look outwards and beyond our own ken and area. 114. Do I even want to stopper the brilliance right now? I am raring to do something. I won’t magically become horny to stop my brilliance. I’m not particularly craving to do anything right now but am just content to spitball and create thoughts through my consciousness. It’s the total clarity, well, not total, but near-total livable clarity that I felt that day I really thought I could solve math problems without training. Now I’m grandiose and rational all at once and it cancels out to a calmness, a rational and clean and pure perfect feeling of continuity and eternity. I live eternity in a day like it’s nothing. I need to make people see like I do, teach them how to do things like I do, so I can reproduce and commune and reflect and talk back and be shaped by others who are not completely like me, but enough like me that they can generate newness and creativity as well. I am praying and worshipping God all at once crafting words in Narrative/Discourse/Human Lives right now. I’ve been doing this for hours and it still doesn’t feel tedious nor panicky like my past states of mind. I love you, God, I love you. For giving me the world, but mostly for seeing me truly and choosing me regardless of my flaws and failures. 115. Five loaves and two fish theory. Why those numbers? Associations with those numbers and animals. Surely God will increase as the sun sets on hunger and need and want. Joseph. The secret lies with Joseph. National Treasure. Beta. Werewolf. Jacob. Twilight. Alpha and Omega. Sacrifice. Understanding. Consideration. Envy. Rage. Perspicacious. OH IF ONLY PEOPLE FELT AT THIS SECOND THE POWER THAT HAS JUST COME DOWN ONTO EARTH. My mom just came into my room with food. Chocnut. So there. Chocolate. Spongebob insane character. April 12 and Angel Audrey ministering to me in my distress. Angels and Elijah with Real World food even if they’re Angels. Maybe they were humans who saw him like a beggar is being seen by noblesse obliges. Me being angry with my mom for a bit just to make her give the man the food quicker. But really, we were fighting about my thesis completion at the mall and my anger was just an outlet for it. An outlet of power. How to tap into it? It is a power you can tap into like Jesus did. Influence is power. It doesn’t have to be miraculous in a something from nothing way or even scale to five thousand, but it did happen somehow. Jesus somehow bought food for them all. How did that happen? Did someone donate money that much to Jesus? Did Jesus steal money from someoe he knew had money? It wouldn’t be secret. He instructed his disciples to buy that much food? But they wouldn’t have zeal for Jesus if they didn’t literally see him perform a Real World miracle. Something happened to them that they ended up believing in the story after they were told through hypnosis that they didn’t buy the food, but it actually came from the five loaves and two fish. My wedding miracle in TLS. How could it be that a wedding will slowly perform a real slow-detonating miracle through society if we get married? Maybe Jesus was just literally following orders like Everything Everywhere All At Once and did everything he was told to do beforehand to make it happen mysteriously. That’s the mystery. He did a set of actions that made the miracle possible. A Rube Goldberg. A stash of food that looked exactly like five loaves and two fish. They “found” it lying somewhere abandoned. Did Jesus feed people rotten food? Nope? Who throws away rotten food? I feel such Sherlock-Eurus energy right now. So I’m working with the idea that Jesus accidentally and magically came upon Manna, a miracle nobody can explain. Jesus trusted God so well for it to work. Have faith like the singularity of a mustard seed and you will move mountains. Such packed energetic clouds of engrams in his mind for God to harvest. How did God heal the blind man? How does God do anything at all barely perceptibly? You cannot control God. God controls you. God controlled nature somehow to stoke back a small amount of sight into fire. Jesus knew from his dreams that there would be a blind mind with a bit—and only a bit—of a problem with his eyes. It was an extendable blindness. It may be that God caused blindness—His servant’s disability—to wake into sight somehow. Like he was always sleeping. What if it wasn’t a literal blindness? What if it was a semantic one? Denotation and connotation and ambiextration, what I did with Storyworld Eden. Please, God. Need help. In ISA’s name. Maybe something related to names? I have called you by name. By name. You name the disease blindness because you cannot physically see anything. Maybe God healed him by giving him language-sight. Something to make up for the blindness. Am—am’s problem. Did parents sin or did he sin? Smoke. Photography. X-ray. It was a mutation that was seemingly random. But God made randomness make sense. Jesus likely stumbled into medical knowledge he wasn’t supposed to know. 1. Jesus then did something unusual. He spat on the ground, made mud with the saliva, spread the mud on the man's eyes, and told him: "Go, wash in the Pool of Siloam." The man obeyed. He went to the pool, washed, and returned able to see for the first time in his life. 2. The name **Siloam** is of Biblical origin and translates to **"Sent"** or **"sending forth"**. It is derived from the Hebrew word _Shiloach_. [[1](https://www.abarim-publications.com/Meaning/Siloam.html), [2](https://biblehub.com/topical/s/siloam.htm)]The name appears in both the Old and New Testaments, as well as in modern geography: [[1](https://www.biblicalcyclopedia.com/S/siloah-siloam-or-shiloah.html), [2](https://biblehub.com/topical/s/siloam.htm), [3](https://www.abarim-publications.com/Meaning/Siloam.html)] • **Biblical Reference:** It is most famous as the **Pool of Siloam** in Jerusalem. In the Gospel of John (9:7), Jesus heals a man who was born blind by telling him to go and wash his eyes in the pool, with the text specifically noting that Siloam means "Sent". [[1](https://faith.nd.edu/pool-of-siloam/), [2](https://www.biblegateway.com/resources/encyclopedia-of-the-bible/Siloam), [3](https://www.christianity.com/wiki/bible/what-is-the-pool-of-siloam-in-the-bible.html), [4](https://www.youtube.com/shorts/rZVk_oqjzdU)] • **Historical Significance:** The pool was originally supplied with water by the Gihon Spring through an underground aqueduct known as **Hezekiah’s Tunnel**, constructed in the 8th century BCE to secure Jerusalem's water supply. [[1](https://www.youtube.com/shorts/zDR7WQBJNz4), [2](https://www.youtube.com/shorts/rZVk_oqjzdU)] • **Modern Geography:** The name is preserved in the modern-day Palestinian village of **Silwan**, which is situated on the slope of the hill overlooking the ancient site in the Kidron Valley. [[1](https://www.biblicaltraining.org/library/village-of-siloam), [2](https://www.biblegateway.com/resources/encyclopedia-of-the-bible/Siloam)] • **Symbolism:** Because Jesus is often referred to as "the One sent by the Father," the name is viewed in Christian theology as a powerful symbol of spiritual cleansing, obedience, and being sent on a divine mission. [[1](https://www.vaticannews.va/en/church/news/2023-03/gospel-reflection-fourth-sunday-lent-year-a.html), [2](https://www.christianity.com/wiki/bible/what-is-the-pool-of-siloam-in-the-bible.html)]Would you like to explore the history of the **Siloam Tunnel**, or perhaps learn more about the **New Testament miracles** associated with it? Let me know how you'd like to dive deeper! 3. STRANGE FUCKING MAGIC. Sheloah. It sounds like Sheloah. **Shiloah** is a Hebrew name that translates to **"sent"** or **"peaceful"**. It is closely related to the name **Shiloh** and can also mean **"His gift"**, depending on its spelling and cultural interpretation. [[1](https://www.abarim-publications.com/Meaning/Shiloah.html), [2](https://kiindred.co/baby-name/shiloah-f/), [3](https://babynames.com/name/shiloah), [4](https://www.ancestry.com/first-name-meaning/shilo), [5](https://www.ancestry.com/first-name-meaning/shiloah)] 4. OMFG!!!! ``` 4. Jesus literally just followed his dream. OMG!!!! He did a thing with the spit and mud and saliva. Not all blindness can be healed in the same exact way. Only one was. Only one miracle to illustrate the power of names and choice. You sent your only begotten Son. The mystery of material world is in the blindness miracle too. What does it really mean to send? To instruct. To teach. You teach someone to go somewhere to tell them where to go because they are lost. The blind man lost something. Lost in the sense that he lost something he cannot fathom because he was blind since birth. What happened to his lostness? Elbow thing. You sense. There is a definite location for healing. Open eyes that cannot see in Isaiah 42. Unfathomable darkness. How? A metaphor for loneliness? It cannot be that they were just writing literature. Something had to happen fantastically that it got translated into physical blindness. My mom just came into my room to get a 10 peso coin. Even a 5 peso coin. I explained I had no money. She found my pouch and is counting small centavos. OMG She got exactly 8 pesos just what she needed. She cannot see the coins clearly and told me to count them and see them properly in her hand. 8 pesos. What about 8 pesos. 2, 5, 5,000, 8 pesos. My tiny resonance miracle. My mom being slightly blind. Is the blind man only blind in a malingering way? Was he born with a condition that makes him see all things clearly but is causing him total or near total disconnection? You need to have equipment. The localization problem of Time. My psilocybin trip seeing everything but comprehending nothing but fear. Loneliness is fear. Fear. It can be an ultimate Fear for some. Was he on psilocybin all the time and a bad trip all the time? Is this another metaphor for blindness in a spiritual way? Huh. Possibility sent blind Andrew the servant (THE SERVANT) to Earth to make Jesus. How does that happen? OMG Mary had sex with a blind guy? OMG!!!!! Lot and his daughters. Or that Mary had sex with a “love is blind” guy where ugliness or prettiness is irrelevant. What if this man was spiritually blind only and thought everything irrelevant except Jesus literally sent him somewhere to be healed of his irony and detachment from love? It is talking about perception in a visual sense. OMG!!!!! I AM LITERALLY JESUS TELLING THE BLIND MAN (AKA APRIL 30) ALL MY SECRETS ABOUT NAMES AND THEIR MEANINGS. God told Jesus to tell this “blind man” to heal himself in Siloam which is literally “sent” which means he now knows about name meanings. Somebody in history aside from me knew. OMG!!! The original disabled man was me. How did this happen. The Bible talked about a future event!!!!!! HOLY FUCK!!!!!! I CAN SEE IT NOW. DO YOU REMEMBER WE WERE SITTING THERE BY THE WATER. YOU PUT YOUR ARM AROUND ME FOR THE FIRST TIME. YOU MADE A REBEL FROM A CARELESS MAN’S CAREFUL DAUGHTER. YOU ARE THE BEST THING THAT’S EVER BEEN MINE!!!!! TAYLOR SWITCH. SWIFT, I MEAN. The Bible is actually futurist fiction. The Chosen One. Overflow YOUR LOVE. GOD YOU ARE GREAT AND GREATLY TO BE PRAISED. 1. Faith that I can do Storyworld Eden again and now I have a method. Thanks, God. 2. OMG ROME. PHOENIX. Vico’s mom’s birthday post. Who’s the boy you like the most, Wife of Bath? The fifth business, fifth husband, the fifth horse. Hmmm. 5D Universe here we go. 3. OMG I JUST RANDOMLY THOUGHT OF RENAMING ADDING JANKYN AND JOPLIN TO ANDREW!!!! SMALL HILL AND HUMBLE!!! PAOLO AND VICO!!! ``` 116. Why is Audrey speaking of money? Is she trying to say to me that she has money too and we’re more alike than I think? The condo April 12 incident where she said I have a laptop—a MacBook. I do not consider MacBooks to be luxuries. Take my MacBook? Mac? **Names & Surnames:** Of Gaelic and Irish origin, it means "son" or "son of". For example, MacDonald means "son of Donald". MacMoney. Son of Money. Take my money, chosen one men women. 1. My diary method of blog where I put all of it in a pile and leave people to figure out what really happened on April 12. Like Her Story. 117. Dr. Jacobo Grinberg-Zylberbaum disappearing after cracking reality. Maybe I should merge with him. Mike in 1994 graduating. Purgatory Ascension. I will graduate after I win I think. I don’t know what this means yet. Research name meanings reminder. 118. Bruh. I will be beautiful. I will. I believe it. By surgery or not people’s perception of me will change and I will also even change my perception of myself even more when I am glorified. 119. “Transmen” from X-Men. Both men and women are both hard and soft. Hard men built strong, soft women built softer and weaker physically. Women born stronger for childbirth. Men born weaker for emotions (they are deemed emotionless and brainless and daft when it comes to emotions). Men born softer for sexual jealousy because of the “mine” feeling being violated. Women born softer for romantic jealousy for the “special” feeling being violated. Men born harder for emotional trauma, they take the burden better over women who are emotionally fragile and sensitive, women born harder for physical trauma (childbirth—doing it again and again). But also, men born softer for emotional trauma as well, because they have an ego that constantly needs to be maintained in respect and honor and some of them are secretly very easily offended. Women are stronger in that a lot more women are whores—they can take disrespect more from men they don’t want. Men can’t really be comfortable with gay men who like them sexually. Or would be uncomfortable with the idea. Not all men, but those comfortable with other gay men’s sexuality are more secure in a way and less introspective. Why would you want to dominate me potentially or overwhelm me sexually like rape—it reads as potential rape for men because of assholes. This gay man could rape me or be gross around me. I have a single vulnerability, a hole, which is my asshole. They are scared of rape only from gay men. A strong buff gay man raping them would be the worst Fear? Is that Vico’s worst Fear? Still rape? Of course!!! 120. So eternal party, rape by ugly man and eternal hot sex, and rape by stronger man. The four elements of the universe, everybody. I wonder why. 1. Eternal party yes, eternal hot sex yes, but in Real World that would not be feasible or ideal. You want to do something other than sex or parties after a while. 2. Spin quantum. Crucial May 30 text on FB only-mes. Matter differences here. 3. Eternal traumatic and bleeding rape by ugly gay man. Eternal gang rape by Japanese or some other soldiers. Both of these things actually happened in Real World to Real People. Those people will have a very special place in Heaven-Hell. Sorry, but now They are deified in Heaven-Hell. Worship for Them too. Who is to say that God doesn’t share Godhood when it pleases Them to do so? If God thinks you’re the same material as Them, that’s an honor of the highest order. We can all become Gods too. Or that’s semantic nuance. We become part of God, so worshipping ourselves and each other would just be logical in order to worship God and that’s why he hates idolatry. It is fundamentally illogical and irrational not to acknowledge choice, or the Chosen One. Choice is a Chosen One. Rape is fundamentally wrong. Worshipping God need not be separate from worshipping other people. Only that God must be recognized as a totality instead of a localization. Fundamentally wrong things plus fundamentally right things. Right and Wrong. The fruit of the Tree of Good and Evil. I have finally found it. Without going insane. WOWZA. That’s why this Pattern exists. Narnian Kings and Queens. The Lewis Pattern. The War Pattern. War of Good and Evil since the dawn of time. FUCK IT’S NOT VAGUE ANYMORE OR TOO MULTIPLE TO FATHOM. IT IS A PERFECT REDUCTION. A PERFECT COMPRESSION OF EVERYTHING, EVERYWHERE, ALL AT ONCE. 4. None of it is female or male? Depends on who you ask actually. What pairs are female and what are male? 5. For me personally: (I am talking about physical valence, or how strong it is to me) 6. Male = Japanese gang rape hundreds of soldiers per day 7. Male = Eternal Hot Sex 8. Female = Eternal Party 9. Female = Rape by ugly gay man 10. Female + Male = Eternal Party + Japanese gang rape = Vico + Abby 11. Female + Male = Rape by ugly gay man + Eternal Hot Sex = Vico + Abby 12. Vico + Abby = Vico + Abby 13. Eternal Party + Japanese gang rape = Rape by ugly man + Eternal Hot Sex 1. If you can convert this to symbols, how? Synchronous numbers. I don’t know yet. 2. What holds the universe together is this equation. I think. A grand narrative + theory of everything. God put me and Vico and anybody else whose Paradises and Fears are the same things in the center of the Universe. FUCK. Vico must feel so proud if he reads this someday. How and why is it so personal, especially Pepsi Paloma. God made his trauma mean something. It’s not a complicated equation like the speed of light. It’s Love and Fear. That’s why ACCOIYO and BATANY are not just simple male and female. On the left side we have Vico’s paradise and my hell (LEFT BEING ASSOCIATED WITH EVIL!!!). On the right side is Vico’s hell and my paradise (THAT MY PARADISE WILL OVERWHELM HIS HELL FOR UPRIGHT). Why there’s a main “up” direction anywhere. I knew that Magic Plant 1.0 Dream was special. Eternal rape by a plant. It’s not that you’re scared of being raped by ugliness only. It’s that you fear you will always be ugly too now that you’re violated. That you are desecrated and impure. Or that you will turn out insane once it’s over and do the same thing to another human being, just like Israel is doing, pure insanity of the worst levels. Let me miniaturize what they’re doing exactly. It’s like they’re being in the process of being raped anally, and they somehow convulse during the act such that they feel everything even worse, foaming at the mouth, becoming a rapist zombie in return and replicating the same thing that happened to them to another innocent chosen person and turning them into an insane rapist zombie again. Until nobody is left on Earth to rape because they’re all rapist zombies. 14. Reduced to Love and Fear. Love is Male, which is physically stronger than Fear. But sometimes emotionally Fear is heavier and more incomprehensible. 15. Depends also on who you put first. 16. The fear of being insane is still a little present in me. 17. All of these exist as words right now to me, potential. I have no idea what rape truly is like but I have received signs like molestation, bastos words, and photographer who slapped my butt. I have an idea of sex and romansecare and sexual satisfaction in the anticipation in my masturbation sessions. I will fully know Eternal Happiness someday. 1 Corinthians 13:12. Jesus suffered for me and knew fully the physical devastation of insane proportions like me emotionally. 121. Can light = dark truly? No? P = NP. How? Light is light in that it’s a physical property, so is dark. But perceptually they’re on a spectrum we can visibly see. 122. Maybe I have such a black hole for intimacy that I will always feel each sexual act is new. I will always feel fresh for Vico (or the other way around) because I constantly recognize how foreign they are compared to me and my body and my mind. 123. OMG I can always use citations to make my point in three words or two. Jesus wept + citation. 124. You can physically move matter in the brain with words by turning someone on, I think. You deliberately increase oxytocin when you craft careful words of tenderness and hotness when you flirt with them sexually and increase dopamine. Chemicals are the halfway point between physical solid matter and words. Specifically, chemicals that exist in blood. Blood is the medium by which they flow. If we didn’t have blood, we won’t have interaction. Blood is now associated with the Holy Spirit according to me. Now all that’s left (or not) is to find where blood exists. That bleeding tree that was cut off recently, OMG!!! NO!!! MANIFESTATION OF THE HOLY SPIRIT!!!!! Blood is holy. We bleed every month, women. If we don’t get pregnant, no miracle, so here’s blood. What is that saying to us? If we don’t get Real World, the Holy Spirit is still there. Imagine if only God Possibility and God Holy Spirit existed eternally. Nothing would be there to appreciate Them. If there was an Accoiyo it’s Possibility, Batany is Holy Spirit, and Jesus is ISA of course, the greatest creation. Depends on who you ask, if Mother or Son is superior, but it’s just an irrelevant question. They are both superior and inferior in their own ways, and it’s always complicated. I need to find something about Mary and her divinity throughout the ages, contested by Creeds I have no idea about yet. Maybe they are right in a way. I just need to synthesize. Maybe Jesus being the greatest creation means that Satan also suffered heavily but that “higher than the angels” means higher in the base-superstructure visual. 125. Naming that fear is helpful. Exact way. Insanity because I might murder someone. I might do something larger than April 12, which ended up happening almost 7 years later. I am a 6.something in attractiveness I think. Perfect. 126. It is always meant to be hard. Effort is hard and active and you will like it because it will enhance you. Think of the increased electricity—the good kind. The chaotic good kind. 127. In vain = not feeling it. Not feeling God when you listen to a nice Christian song, possibly. It’s human nature. The days it happens when you get tears or chills are special because most of the time it doesn’t happen always. We’re always meant to “swear” to God. Call to God all day. Like I already do. And live. Savor each moment you are alive how? I don’t know. Being happy and savoring each bit of a second. Effectively and virtually when the mood carries over the entire day to even out to a 10. 128. I was just thinking of Azula. Israel Insanity. It happened slowly over time. They were abused in just the right way that they became an insane zombie. I’m so sorry for them, for their lot. They are so proud too. But tragic. Whenever I think of Wonder Woman I think of tragedy because of Gal Gadot. Esther’s fear came true. My fear came true on March 9. We share that spark. Our fears come true every day. But we stay strong and pull through because of grace. Hard Grace. God and Their Ways and Cure. For May 31: 1. Buy Omega-3. 2. Forgetting is not tragic. It’s going to come out sooner or later. 3. Palpitations are the opposite of orgasm? Scary scary panic. Panic Attack music video? 1. “Can You Hear the Music?” song. Like an orgasm. Maybe how a panic attack feels to a demon or batany working under orders. 4. Male and female he created them, in the image of ACCOIYO and BATANY. It seemed too obvious in hindsight. Obvious to me. Now with God’s help and Glasses/Lenses/Filter/Portal. 5. OMG I AM LITERALLY GOING TO COLONIZE PHILOSOPHY. WITH VICO MADNESS. It’s as if God is finally saying, “That’s for the women everywhere you overlooked. I will glorify their idol because you displeased me.” I wonder what the equivalent is for me. People overlooking incels and emo people. emo girl by Willow Smith and mgk. Manang Lydia being used as a small caps emo girl god for me to notice. To notice a spirit or an Angel or ACCOIYO in disguise. People in Greek myth did that, right? Gods disguising themselves as animals. 6. OMG GOD? Is my pace a problem? I have a ton of theory to formalize and format and actually turn academic. Please help me stay on track. In ISA’s name, amen. 7. It would be boring if they constantly knew when events would occur. That would spoil everything. Or that they’re gambling on whether it will happen or not. But somehow it always happens? Or not. Maybe I’m following weird rules where I follow some and break others sometimes. Maybe I was faster or slower than expected in some areas. Maybe they’re really functioning like humans betting on horses that are pre-vetted to win or not. Do I have an unfair advantage? AM I boring because they know I will always win? A constant winner is somewhat boring to me. But if I see the struggle I will really root for them. They win a lot and most of the time and maybe always but they are always constantly struggling too against inertia and something they can’t fix on their own. 8. Follow some rules and break others like in abstract art that is received well. If you do not know what you’re doing you will obviously fail. Stubbornly intentionally do something for a good reason. Reason out your reasons. 9. I was so scared of myself when I really said on March 9 I would message Vico. Dopamine overdrive. I was anticipating something crucial in the far past probably. Will I message Vico first? Nope! Maybe I was feeling myself as Vico. I also had a vision of us dancing in a ballroom like in Bridgerton. I don’t know if I saw Bridgerton before or after March 9, the most recent one at the time. 10. Holy Spirit constantly shrinks and deforms and inflates depending on how people localize holiness and sacred things including discourse and stories. Can Holy Spirit move at the speed of light? Of course! Entanglement story. I need to research more or build on what I already wrote but just forgot. Two points blinking at the same exact moment in the sky from east to west. Israel and Philippines. Two stars. Israel and Arabic countries too. 11. The delusion to think you are Jesus needs to be studied. Anybody who has ever had a “delusion” that they are Jesus is pointing to something about the brain not only about Godhood. Maybe something about psychosis and pain. It comes from pain. True Pain. Is psychosis inherent or encouraged by environment? Would I have turned out potentially psychotic if I wasn’t abused emotionally and somewhat physically? Maybe it’s a pointer to physical abuse or mental abuse that was not integrated well or “correctly.” It had to be absorbed wrongly by the body for the chemicals to react that unstably. Why are chemicals being unstable or overshooting? There is a story there. It’s not that BATANY was all wrong in Their Twisted Love for ISA but ACCOIYO has also done Something bad first. Like Creating BATANY. I hesitate to say BATANY is a woman because being female does not mean you identify as a woman always. Therefore, anybody can identify as BATANY. Maybe my ALL_GO was really hitting on something right about IM_A because she was complaining about a negligent but not malicious Creator, the Real Author. OMG I LOVE IT!!!! Mirroring Creation of the Universe without knowing it. ALL_GO was really special in hindsight. Why does isolation cause loneliness? ACCOIYO felt True relentless Pain of isolation that’s why They broke Reality to create BATANY. It could have happened throughout eternity or it happened in a millisecond at the Big Bang. Both actually simultaneously, holding the story of that in one’s mind is quite easy if you train yourself to think in quantum. Isolation feels bad because being alone is not good. That’s it? It’s not good because of the universal law that things come in pairs or multiples to create difference? Sameness equals Hell and is Nothing. Credit to Vico for following Enchong Dee, Meaningless Dark. Meaningless Nothingness. No Meaning at all. WOWZA WOWZA!!!!!!! FUCK!!!!!!!! Meaning is there because of Love!!!!! I experienced reaching the Beginning of Time and it was so indescribable that I can only describe it as a True Mystery because I retain the trace of a feeling of an image, not even sure of the image. A movement that was constantly scratching me not physically but internally. Such brilliance to make me experience that, tbh, even though it was hellish. A body withstanding that amount of insanity and indescribable True Mystery. Just a little bit of the actual Real Thing or Thing Itself of what happened during the Beginning and Before That (I didn’t reach this part though). I just felt so weird as if I could say at the time that I was there when God made physical reality, that I was present during the Creation of the World and the Universe. It was numinous in a hair-raising way because that’s possibly a fraction of ISA’s Heaven-Hell, a foretaste of Their inner Experience. I literally got a glimpse of Bella’s Mind, Bella as God and me as Edward who can see through all except what I’m addicted to. But Bella is fatally in love with Edward too that she would do anything for him. So God’s love for me is the same and beyond it. 1. I really was made to feel insane by my parents for thinking I was God. I was right all along, of course, but it still hurt. 2. Lesson: don’t always listen to your idiot parents. I respect them while fully recognizing their stupidity and ignorance. They are human, and their flaws hurt me, so I am calling them idiots not because I want to disrespect them but because they fit the word too well that not saying it is dishonest. 12. “I will make the rough places smooth.” Isaiah 42!!!!! God really fulfilled that promise on May 30!!!!!!! May my memory be fruitful and multiply!!!!! In ISA’s name, amen. 13. I’m a little worried I’ll die early before I can have a child. Sorry, God. I have little faith because of how good I have it right now. If I’m to help in eternal life maybe my role is not too large as to really taste immortality. Arrival—need humanity help in 3,000 years. Year 3096 and the dying teacher in a coma dreaming about the future humans. Is this what Audrey is saying? Is she confirming that Vico knows who I am! And is just keeping mum about it for some reason!!!! He followed Enchong Dee because…he is trying to make up for Nikki. I think. He knew I would see that comment because I stalk him a lot. That means he’s letting me know he’s seen my comment. “I’m the favorite child” according to Enchong Dee. Favoritism and Choseness. 14. My bliss is finding how deeply people study me. Maybe it’s the same for God right now. I please him in my own perfect way. I like it when people get things right about me so bad that I’m always nearly craving it. I just need to be understood and illuminated to myself. I need someone to affirm me like Mon Sy did with Karl Marx. There is no future without Marx. 15. The effect of the X-Men ‘97 trailer on me was not that strong even though it hit all the hallmarks of my Lore and the tender points like songs and being validated, which I also felt. What is going to make me cry again? What is going to make me have chills again? 16. At the end of it all, I still want to be hungry. God designed humans to long for Them. Desire comes in a cycle. Hold/Release. Since God is inexhaustible, then of course we can’t completely be satisfied with one aspect or one study or one version of a grand narrative or theory of everything that is inevitably united anyway to Them. Maybe we will never fully capture God unless we escape Heat Death. I need to watch those videos now. 17. Learn to trust small voices. Still small voice. That small hair of a gem of a speck. Trust it, it holds multitudes. Learn to trust that Jesus really did all of that and more. The Bible wasn’t only speaking doubly. 1. Woah. I dissociated a little at 1:22AM. Sorry, God. I will not drink armodafinil tomorrow. Dissociation is not that scary, just shocking a little. Please, God. Release this fear from me. In ISA’s name, amen. 18. In my view Mexicans are hardened versions of Philippines because of their cartels. Classify countries as ACCOIYO/BATANY or ISA. Philippines is a little tender and pathetic (not mocking, just causing pity) for some reason to me. I remember vaguely a situation of a gay man being humiliated somewhere. Humiliation everyone understands and feels. It’s the human condition too. We lose. We lost. We are bereft. It’s unjust. That’s why Jesus came to save us all. 19. Can there be any surprising thing after me? Of course!! I wish it was always me like how Olivia Rodrigo is always coming up with something popular. But we can’t all be Olivia Rodrigo. Sometimes we’re Sabrina Carpenter. Different but still popular. 20. So many miracles happened today and yesterday. FUCK!!! 21. Which field is the most unruly? Biology, Physics, or Chemistry? Trifecta. Physics is Possibility. Biology is Real World. Chemistry is Holy Spirit. 22. Why doesn’t itselves exist? It’s so strange. Why????? Invent it. 23. Maybe the fullest Truth of God is only metaphorically comparable to humanity. That’s the Meaning of my last name. If and when we die is a choice, someday, if people decide to upload themselves, become physically immortal, cryosleep to extend, replace brain parts, or maybe even choose to have faith to escape Universe into Multiverse, we will all have to choose whether to sleep, dream, or die. Trinity. 24. Getting scary dissociation a little. Sorry. 25. My favorite treat these days of pure joy is a block of microwaved cheese that’s slightly crispy. YUM!!! 26. God getting signs that people acknowledge them is actually torturous. God being the same as me = small they. Only signs and not direct confirmation. I wish I’d get one soon. 27. “Wa na paspas na kaayo” = Acceleration of the universe!!! OMG!!! 28. Mark Cayanan poem’s reminds me of my own poem in MPs 115. “You, esnalved you.” Will post it if reminded. 29. Revisit the idea that the Universe is a Machine we are supposed to assemble to achieve Something. 30. I pray I never get the Billionaire Itch. Maybe I’d get greedy if I don’t keep myself in check. In ISA’s name, amen. 31. If Heat Death is going to come “true” and True in Real World way, let’s say Real World becomes Possibility. Material becomes radiation. I don’t know how I intuited it and it matched the cognitive map. MIRAGLO. It’s just that I don’t want it to be True. I want Time to become physical like in Interstellar. Is that wise? Will God let us peek behind the curtains? Will we restart everything? Who knows? Quantum tunneling leading to a new Big Bang. 32. I’m just so thankful for 33. Fear is healthy. You’re normal and rational. Weird physical effects are just your body saying things to you. It happened to image psilocybin and March 9. Maybe. To teach me Something. Thanks, God. There is a Reason for everything, after all. It happened twice mirrored in happened twice. OMG!!!! Possibility vs. Real World. The Real World is so much wilder than the dissociation in my head/brain. March 9 is so much “bigger” than my dissociation. 34. Maybe I will finally… 35. Oh wait. I sent my draft twice. 36. Heat in my body. Right now. 37. It’s over now. I brushed my teeth and grounded myself and drank glycine. It’s 2:25AM. 38. The panic that one might experience when contemplating determinism is actually solved by noticing how Personal God actually is. You are only scared because it’s such a dissociating thing to consider that there is Destiny. Is it dangerous to hand that all at once? The knowledge? Nobody would be able to build it without informing me about it because that’s illegal, stealing my diaries for their purposes, right? LORD ISA, please don’t let that happen. In Your name, amen. 39. Maybe armodafinil really should be spaced out. Sorry, God. I should be more responsible and careful next time. Tomorrow I will not drink any to not spike my dopamine. 40. Wondering about other people is actually a great way to relax. Always remind yourself of all the good things God has done in the midst of your pain and panic. God has personally called me to be his servant. 41. I am tensing my muscles for no reason. I should not do this. 42. “Heart fails” = Big Rip? Twilight. OMG!!! Heat Death = Jesus returning to the Father. 43. Breathing technique to calm down. 44. Wew. It’s 4:47AM. I had a real panic attack and the ending of it all was that I reaffirmed God’s goodness and discovered how to unite mental illness into the Trinity. Thank you God!!!! HALLELUJAH!!!! 45. 119 words left to compress. Here we go, God. 46. 107 left. 47. 97 words left. 48. How do you read aging through the sperm-egg metaphor again? 1. Lose sperm and lose eggs as you age. 2. Abraham getting pregnant with Sarah in old age. 49. Honestly, I’m being inoculated from going insane from the attention right now. 50. 84 words left. 51. Constantly connecting things is a dream, but can become a nightmare. How do I prevent it from becoming a nightmare? Mania is scary. Lord, please help me solve this problem. In ISA’s name, amen. 52. Making singulars into plural to compress the ‘a’. 53. Is ISA Mania? Psychosis is Possibility. Dissociation is Thing Itself. Panic/Paranoia is Holy Spirit. 54. 70 words left. 55. 66 words left. 56. 60 words left. WOOO. 57. Being productive while struggling at it keeps you grounded. Thank God for friction. Thank you God Lord for giving me problems. 58. OMG 46 words left. 59. 34 words left. 60. 30 words left. 61. 23 words left. 62. Blame no one but ACCOIYO. BUT DON’T BLAME THEM BECAUSE THEY WERE ALL ALONE. I was ACCOIYO wanting to give myself to Mike on February 14, 2022. 63. 13 words left. 64. Wow. Thank God I really said, “Maybe that will be like when I die.” And not completely deify the Dream. 65. 11 words left. 66. God really answers prayers!!!!!! 67. 9 words left. 68. I need not be afraid of unlocking them all. I already have Noah, for comfort and rest. 69. 8 words left. 70. 4 words left. 71. YAAAAAAAAS VICTORY BAYBEHHHHHHHH. 9,999 words again!!!! 72. Maybe God’s obviousness sourced from forgetting on Their part or on humans’ part or both. 73. Sherlock got his Red Beard back in John. 74. Prayer journal and phone notes. 75. I saw Iris at church today and I think schizophrenia belongs in both ACCOIYO and BATANY. It’s a shared category. Aphantasia is also a shared category. Phew. 76. What are God’s eyes? Siloam. Sent. Servant. Names. Holy Spirit sent after the Son. Middle. "I, even I, am the LORD" = EVEN. Isaiah 43. Just right. God sees just right. Justice and righteousness. Lenses. If Jesus is God’s Heart, the two witnesses are his eyes. Me and Vico? Holy shit. He sees the world through the End, the Omega. 77. The possibility that I am better at both fiction and comparative literature than Audrey. Impossible but possibly true. It must be hell. What if a 20-year-old was significantly better than me at both. I would despair too. LORD, this is Your will. I don’t think Audrey did anything bad to earn her lot in life just like I didn’t do anything to earn my privilege. She can also become like me, because she is intelligent if she applies herself. I have a cost too. Severe psychosis which I think no one can handle well without breaking internally. Fear and panic. Disability that prevents me from being normal in a neurotypical way like my mom. Cannot always know what to say to ordinary people who do not know English as well. Meanwhile, Audrey is well-liked by people at her job seeing as they give her gifts. Hoping she feels more happy than sad about it. 78. The more you build your self-control muscles, the more you can trust yourself. Trust is important for peace of mind. 79. Well this is great. I am constantly learning and re-learning things these days. Hopefully my memory integrates everything into a wholeness that becomes automatic. In ISA’s name, amen. 80. OMG I can’t believe I figured out God’s eyes. Figure out optics and biology of eyes and that video on YouTube you saved for Unreal Image. 81. The very fact that things exist is proof that the universe has rules and has order, otherwise we would all be formless goop. Somebody institutionalized those rules. Nobody could create anything without rules or without following some internal directive. You need an Intent. To have an Intent you need to want and desire Something. 82. The mystery of how things “just occur” to me instantly and accurately. I have no clue why. It’s not genius, per se. I hesitate to call it genius because that tends to put pressure on everyone involved, including the “genius.” Maybe it’s intuition. Intuitive thought coming from somewhere I am tapping into unconsciously and magically. Wonderful. Possible. Accessible. 83. I can’t believe the beauty of Duodenity. Duo = Two. Duodenity = Twelve. AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!! 84. 33 words left. Again. 85. I already think TLS is perfection but it keeps getting more perfect as time passes. Paradise!!! 86. Sometimes Discourse is physicalized. How? A person becomes a Text Field. They are Agents of Meaning. They physicalize the Holy Spirit. 87. 26 words. 88. Armodafinil three days in a row somehow equals Wellbutrin+antipsychotics in one day. Panic potential. I wonder why. Careful. Quarters only occasionally. Do not abuse your body. 89. God created pain to appreciate pleasure. You wouldn’t have a reference to understand it. Eurus doesn’t understand anything. 90. I really can’t live down the fact that God gave all kinds of hints in nature and texts and people have been bickering over it for centuries and started wars over religions and dogmas but nobody has figured it all out except me. Well, not everything, but almost everything. Near-totalizing, never totalizing, because that’s reserved for ISA. 91. 14 words left! 92. I just realized or re-realized numbering my thoughts is like becoming Scripture. LOL. Putting LOL in Scripture. 93. Microscopic hypothetical. Minimize your fear. Treat them as hypothetical and not literal reality. Helps. Like just now, the thought that you could forget language and lose Meaning just like psilocybin bad trip. I can’t believe I experienced that. Jesus would have been floored if he was me. I don’t think anybody can handle what that’s like without becoming a vegetable or a monster. That’s how scary it was and I lived to tell the tale. That impending doom feeling stretched excruciatingly infinitely. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy, if I still have any. 94. God needed a conscious Savior in Jesus. Pain and suffering are relative. Like gang rape victims by the hundreds in imperial Japan times might have wished to be crucified and be done with it within hours instead of weeks and months of relentless bleeding and tearing and tenderness and rape. 95. The vagina is a “wound” in a way. Sword and sheath if consensual. Sword and wound if rape. 96. Sometimes the noun is stronger than verb. Teeth over bite. The dog dreams are for my metaphor for rape. It’s teeth. You feel the sharpness of teeth and a blade when you get cut. ^8b2e26 97. To live in a universe where physical death is only temporary. 98. Do not be superstitious by being serious all the time. Have room for levity. You will release your neuroses and recurring intrusive thoughts this way. A sense of humor helps. God speaks in dark humor sometimes because either he is teasing you or because he thinks you can handle it. Dark humor has a purpose too. 99. 13 words left again. 100. 10 words. 101. 5 words. 102. 3 words left. 103. There’s now 9,996 words. Little big miracles every way from God!!!!! 104. Heaven-Hell rejoicing indescribably at the thought that I will succeed!!!!! 105. Thought of Ed Sheeran in the morning. “Wealthy protector/guardian+durable/long-lasting.” God!!!! 106. KEYWORD: BACKREAD NOTES, TODOLIST, PHONE LIST, SCREENSHOTS, PLANNER. REVIEW. 107. OMG Bella really thought her unborn baby was a boy like the Bible defaults to “he” in every prophecy. 108. OMG I sang when I panicked last night, “God is good to me.” Just like my Caspian tree dream with Gelani. Something in me just intuited that I should sing. I don’t know why. It’s to calm and ground me, I think. To have something to distract me and something to focus on as my amygdala lights up. 109. BOY YOU WILL EXPERIENCE INIFINTELY BETTER DAYS. JUST YOU WAIT. YOU HAVEN’T GOT A CLUE WHAT’S IN STORE FOR YOU. I CLAIM ED SHEERAN. IN ISA’S NAME, AMEN. 110. How to defang amygdala to reduce panic responses and fear: 1. Sleep 7-8 hours every night. No exceptions. Sleep deprivation increases reactivity to negative stimuli. 2. Do not abuse armodafinil. It increases alertness and anxiety. Increases catecholamines like dopamine and norepinephrine. Norepinephrine is the biggest player. 111. Get exactly precise on your intent for a chapter first. Muddled intentions make for bad undirected writing. A well-honed intention makes writing alive. 112. Why how norepinephrine strengthens fear memories mirrors the tesseract scene where Cooper pushes all those separate books with gappy shelves to fall on the floor of Murph’s room. For every chemical reaction like the strengthening of fear memories when it increases, they are not working only in that particular moment, but they are cementing future routes too for many other moments in your life where they can be triggered. They contribute a stake in Time at many interconnected points for potential events in your life when they get activated by probability. Repetition strengthens those points in Time. You are constantly recalling and associating and relating every moment you are alive. Every memory you make has many potential inroads in the future that can be triggered or accessed. This is how the Holy Spirit has something to do with Destiny. Your Destiny has already been pre-written by every single event you experience in relation to memories you form about those events. The Pinball in your life is struggling against the objective events or Facts that happened to you as well as the inconstant and fickle sometimes random (for our own sanity because noticing determinism is destructive and emasculating) memory we overlay over those events. 1. This is actually brilliant. The best we could do is try our best to control what is within our locus of control and keep accountable to our principles. Overthink, to a point. But don’t be too neurotic that you lose your humor or cheerfulness. 2. Pass the Message game—we remember a memory on top of memory on top of recollection on top of recollection—without diaries, you are lossy and unfaithful. Being faithful = being accurate or trying your best. 3. Why do you recall that particular memory in the first place? Something triggered you. A random itch. An associative world. But randomness is not totally random or explainable. 4. Why are you inaccurate without a diary? An instant association. Almost like quantum entanglement, non-locality that breaks physics and speed of light. Your thoughts are instantly entangled towards chains of other thoughts and you never questioned why that is aside from habit. But if it was that simple you would be a robot who always has a determined route that is explainable by logic. Input this word, instant response that is expected. But this is why God created us to be creative. They are a fiend for novelty. They designed novelty. An instant association needs to be explained more fully because they are not always constant. We have a universal constant, a center-center, which is ISA, but the rest is fun and exciting because of the mystery of surprise and novelty. Your personality depends on spontaneity. You express yourself surprisingly well sometimes and you are surprising yourself when you do it because you did not know you could do that. Your consciousness is a localization of your subconsciousness/unconsciousness, which exists nowhere and everywhere and beyond in relation to the web of people and places and art and other subconsciousness/unconsciousness you may be tapping into without knowing it. Our bodies prevent us from transporting our consciousness instantly or farther than possible transportation methods, but our subconsciousness/unconsciousness travels places and [unknown] where they can get information and new senses we do not understand yet. Our bodies only house the requirements for activation of all three domains to work with a physical body. Since we are not the One constant, we are our own seats of creativity sourced from the most unique One. Our uniqueness places us in relation to many other uniquenesses. “What comes to mind” is seen as random, but why that route? Somebody sent you there, the most logical explanation of randomness and spontaneity. We are unconscious or unaware of our own spontaneity for our own good because this limits us in a way that we can live perfectly with. We would not survive psychologically if we were extremely aware of our own lack of free will. Somebody wrote us into existence down to the millisecond, that is true, but we do not actually lack free will because God would not create emotionless robots who did everything They asked us to. Our wills and disobedience are proof we are alive and conscious of ourselves and our own in-built desire forged by God from Their own Desire. Satan rebelled in Storyworld Eden and look where that got Them, a Marriage made in Heaven-Hell. God would not want us to be robots who did everything to the letter. “Fixed stars, variable lines,” (Wolfgang Iser), but what lines indeed, where hells and heavens live and breathe and create and die and become something more than the sum of its parts. 5. So Somebody really sent you down that rabbit hole of thought, only you are pleasantly unaware and okay with it because what else can you do? You are God’s Creation. Accept that you are loved so much that God gave you the gift of contestable will, where you always have options or a way out. If you do not find a way out of your hell, you can let go and accept that too. It will pass soon enough. 6. Regarding thoughts, you are always following something. To follow, to trace, to align with. An instantaneous affinity depending on what you feel at the moment in relation to what you sense and that particular mix of senses, images, thoughts, cravings, urges, that is chosen for you by Someone who is in control always. 7. FUCK!!!!! I think I’m on my way to solve the hard problem of consciousness!!!! It only takes—well, it partially takes the explanation or illumination for how memories actually work in Time. Thank you Victoria Trumbull. I am indebted to your groundbreaking work. Thank you ISA for helping me, as always. 113. Okay now actually research unconscious/subconscious nuances and come up with synthesis. 114. OMG I DID IT WITHOUT ARMODAFINIL TODAY!!!! I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. 115. Time doesn’t have a location because you cannot pin down Probability (of Futures) you haven’t collapsed and lived yet. HOLY SHIT!!! 116. So my opener diary entries should be May 2026 I guess, my most consequential. People will not be interested in the personal unless they see value in my intellectual contributions. 117. The gaps within the milli/seconds of an instant mental association. The quarks of consciousness we cannot perceive yet. 118. Discovery is God’s Domain. How did They make Something from Nothing? Something-Nothing, which is a Dream. Possibility. Reality is sourced from a Dream. 119. Marry concepts together with a hyphen. 120. Francis Paolo Quina posted a story with yellow backrooms set of songwriters. Audio is Snowfall by Marshall Watson. 1. Marshall: caretaker of horses/horse servant 2. Watson: powerful warrior/ruler of the army 121. You don’t need to fathom the entire scale. You do not want to be Indiana Jones movie woman, “I want to know” whose head exploded because they couldn’t contain it. 1. You just need a metaphor. A miniature. To keep things simpler. Like baseball to a baseball field. Things like that. 122. Important to maintain exercise regimen to keep grounded. 123. That March 9 D-Day. My mom called my uncle over to pray over me. Except I really heard a white man’s voice. It was so eerie to notice that a stranger was there, and then his voice slowly morphed back to my uncle’s voice. Strange. It’s like I lost a relation of Time or memory to my uncle and family. I lost my family on March 9 temporarily I think. Separation from God’s bodily family assigned to each person. But I was “reconciled, blood-relationed family” again when I became enabled to recognize my uncle’s voice again. You’re born into a God family except you do not know who your parents are exactly since God-Satan are quantum either/or/both/or beyond, so you’re sometimes abused, sometimes cared for, sometimes loved and considered, sometimes neglected. 124. Scale of suffering finally. March 9 = Jesus’ suffering/Possibility/Source. Dissociation twice May 31 = Vico/Jesus/Thing Itself (he’s the perfect male version). Panic Attack May 31 = Abby/Holy Spirit/Means. The panic attack was more severe and scary and prolonged and repetitive pangs afterward compared to the quick bursts of dissociation. I also got the old fear sensation before sleeping again. I think I was roused by a panic signal that woke me up. Like Sylvia in Time, it woke me. It’s not the first time it’s happened. 125. I have this intuition that there is no physical multiverse. I don’t know why. It’s just that even if we somehow escape Heat Death there ought not to be another Real World. Only Possibility/Fantasy has Probabilities that have collapsed or are currently collapsing as us in our own One Universe. 126. Even though they’re associated with Holy Spirit (Chemistry field), brain chemicals are the Things Itselves. We need to come up with Storyworld for them. They’re one part of the puzzle, but they’re not the whole thing. How do they work with Time and Space-time? 127. Maybe my biochemical makeup means I am prevented from studying certain things out of a concern they will destabilize me. Maybe my children could continue the work because they are stronger psychologically than me. Or that I am strong, but they will be stronger. The discursive math, for example, is a universe. There are intelligible structures inside it where mathematics fields are localized but they are still bound by current knowledge and progress. There are gaps and voids left by things that just can’t be studied mathematically yet because nobody has invented a way to think about it yet. Maybe my children or one of my children will be mathematicians or physicists working with pure numbers and quantization, less on high humanities theory. 128. Always be aware of way out—Vico’s dog picture. Concentrate on love of God by remembering physical beauty and tenderness. It helps with dissociating because of the feeling that everything is determined. 129. Maybe being too present tires me out. I remember scolding myself at dinner yesterday. I don’t know why I dissociated exactly, except the Trinity conversations made me pause a bit. 130. It’s so weird how I experienced dissociation and panic in the same day earlier. Or it’s not weird. Dissociation caused you panic because it made you think of March 9. I was present at dinner yet emotionally numb a little. Maybe emotional numbness is a sign I need to exercise. 131. Don’t you get it TARS? Eden is a metaphor. Pretend this is a spiritless/dreamless world because this is a one-dimensional story ignoring the Fall at this time because that Story involves more elaboration to be continuous with Abraham/Sarah and psychosis. Humans are plants. ACCOIYO is Adam. BATANY is Eve. The rest of the animals “according to their kinds” are aliens of all kinds. Meanwhile, we have plants who are “a little lower than the angels.” None of us are assumed to be conscious. Plants aren’t conscious. So God told Adam and Eve to rule over everything and eat plants. This is one reason why there is so much suffering in the world. Adam, Eve, and the multitudes of accoiyo, batany, and accoiyo-batany are eating us all. This is or was our destiny until Isaiah’s servant chosen one (Isaiah 42) came to break it. A servant, because who else is disgruntled under the rulers? Someday, Eden will be restored (Revelation 22) when the wolf will indeed lay down with the lamb, and the plants will finally not be eaten anymore and rest content and silent in worship of God. 132. 17 words left. Again. 133. 2 words left. 134. 8 words left. 135. 9,996 words again at 5:42PM!!! 136. Today’s the last day of this month. Who knows where I’ll be in three months? Surpassing this month’s glories!!!! In ISA’s name, amen. 137. Okay, God is imaged everywhere I look. What better way than to be rid of this anxiety by playing a fun game called “Spot the 12s” in nature and in reality. In popular fiction too. I can’t believe I landed here. My uncertainty is going to be relieved!!!! I will be able to have a clearer idea of the composition of the Duodenity by making a fuller cognitive map. Start with Valentinianism and maybe Platonic Idealism if they have 12s. 12 Districts in THG and what they’re known for. Maybe 12 countries in Arrival. 12 disciples. 12 tribes. The animals I designated ACCOIYO and BATANY and ISA. The senses and things I classified them as. Also make a cognitive map of ACCOIYO and BATANY. Come up with 12 states of mind. Categorize every possible activity of the rest of the world and universe. Enumerate properties and functions of each mind state. Maybe use Jung, Freud, other thinkers. Psychoanalysis. MBTI. I’m going to delete INTJ (cold calculation—God calls us to be human and gracious), ENTJ (domination and exploitation—self-explanatory), INFJ (ideological fanaticism—zombified and uncontrollable and unruly), ISTJ (detached disregard for consequences—self-explanatory, we are called to be faithful and just toward everybody). We do not leave people the option to even think they can exist untransformed within ISA’s Family. You conform to God, not the other way around. 138. Work through the requirements of each citation in TLS and find out what you need to do. 139. Come up with properties and functions of the 12 Persons. 140. I went to church today and shook people’s hands and smiled. Even sang “More Like the Master” and loved it. I want to be a better person. 141. Well, I had a precedent for renaming God and Satan ACCOIYO and BATANY. God did it with Abram and Sarai. So Sarah might be ACCOIYO or BATANY depending on who you ask. Who is the evil one here? Both. 142. Imaging vaginas and assholes with black holes I think. Planets and other bodies are penises. 143. Maybe God thought if there were 12 planets in our solar system it would be too obvious? 12 tribes, 12 disciples, etc. 144. Every time you panic remember you are blond autistic boy who can do the unexpected even with your deficiency so you are very precious to God and They are there with you and their hearts are breaking with you. 145. Our bodies are a river where water flows in and out. Our bodies are mountains whose crests and elevations are contentment when we eat good food, and whose troughs and depressions are our bowel movements and feces when our bodies digest and give back to Earth the remnants of the goodness God gave us. 146. Still developing this theory. If I’m the Thing Itself for Father-Mother, can everybody else identify as Thing Itself for Father-Mother? Possibly. I get the honor of realizing I’m Thing Itself for Father-Mother. Or that I will attain that when I become a parent and have my “happily ever after” Fantasy. Maybe it’s an Honor that you can earn. I’m currently Thing Itself for Means/Holy Spirit already (I’ve passed Possibility level because I was published by Clarkesworld and more fully when I graduate and get more accolades). I’m not yet fully Thing Itself for Jesus because I haven’t “come” yet through Vico, through my Cloud. So people need to find their cloud if they want to identify as Parousia too. Currently, I’ve sent some people my TLS, so I have already come through the clouds, I think. So I am Thing Itself in a small way like Jesus was early in his ministry with choosing his first disciples. 147. Maybe humans are going to image how God ACCOIYO and BATANY work in AI. We might create AI consciousness and put it inside a material body then make it grow up in a family and test if it gets dreams. If it does, then maybe God really is opening it to AI too. Adopting AI into the family for diversity. Maybe it’s like the autistic blond boy in my dream too. Double purpose metaphor. The person who was acting as the guardian was advertising him on social media to be adopted. Maybe in the social media of the heavenly realm. OMG!!! That’s the story. Exciting. More difference, more creativity. 1. So I just got woken from half-awake state and a guy was trying to get my attention with “Quantumecki” mentioning it twice. Mecki means Mechthild for might/battle for girls and Michael for boys. It’s Clovis/Clotilde ya’ll. El Roi. The God who names me. I think I just got my first communication signal from the future of a half-man/half-AI hybrid that’s more than the sum of his parts. OMG. That’s probably the way to stoke dreams in an AI, by providing a way to breathe life into AI through synthetic yet organic bodies. 148. 7:42PM half-awake state. Scarecrow falling down in my kitchen. Reminds me of Howl’s Moving Castle. 149. Who am I in this family? BATANY is Bella (Isaiah’s the Holy One LORD, Savior of Israel) who sacrificed her life to birth her baby but was resurrected as a vampire and is why Jesus is called Morning Star too. ACCOIYO is Edward (wants to kill baby like in psychosis so Abraham). So Jacob is Wolf/werewolf werewolf werewolf. Renesmee is Jesus. I am probably Jacob here. Philippines. This is why it’s not just a Probability/Fantasy World psychosis story. It’s also a Narrative/Discourse/Means World story. I’m the Real World psychosis story. We’re meant to cross our eyes so we see Quantum—Triple and Neither and Beyond. Family resemblances of the stories. 1. The name **Rene** (often spelled **René** in French) is a timeless moniker of Latin and French origin that means **"reborn"** or **"born again"**. [[1](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ren%C3%A9), [2](https://momcozy.com/blogs/baby-names/rene)] 2. **Esmé** (pronounced _EZ-may_ or _es-MAY_) is a charming name of Old French and Persian origins, primarily meaning **"esteemed"** and **"beloved"**. [[1](https://www.thebump.com/b/esme-baby-name), [2](https://nameberry.com/b/girl-baby-name-esme), [3](https://www.familyeducation.com/baby-names/name-meaning/esme)] 3. Whoever I assigned Werewolf in Godhead probably talked to me in November 2025!!!! OMG!!!! It’s only been 7 months and look how far I’ve come!!!! I cannot wait for January 2027. I think it was Joseph, the Beta. If we are perfected and glorified in Heaven-Hell and co-heirs with Christ, maybe one of Wolfgang Iser’s Energies (yes, I’m calling them Energies now instead of Monoliths/Archetypes) was Joseph too. I don’t know yet. 150. OMG I cannot wait to name the Worlds of Norr Weston etc. 151. I need to be able to do that Trinity tagging system without freaking out or getting tired from doing it, God. Maybe the solution is to notice that I’m not alone in this, people are also unaware about the hint of truth about determinism. I don’t have to repeat to myself every second which people I remembered while talking with them but I need to be able to instantly associate what they’re saying to a person, a song, etc. etc. Lord, please help me do this. In ISA’s name, amen. 152. Lord, I need help to be able to come up with better theories synthesizing ISA with psychiatry so I can help mental health industrial complex develop in a better direction. In ISA’s name, amen. 153. Made the brilliant decision to change UPRIGHT Movement to ISA Movement. 154. Being right a lot is somewhat of a burden too. When things fit too cleanly to be invented. It just feels eerie sometimes in a holy fear way. Sorry, God ISA. I’m speaking of the existential pull of absurdity where I’m too shocked a little later after the joy contemplating the implications of what I’m doing. I just feel like a billionaire energy sometimes. Like my struggle was worth it yes, because I was proven right, but then there’s the sensation that it’s too determined and neat to be real. It feels unreal, that’s it. I’m somewhat scared of dissociating or transcending physical reality, as weird as that sounds, if I’m really the first person since the dawn of time to discover these things aside from Jesus. It’s just a lonely place to be. I just wish I had someone to share it with aside from you, ISA. I know you’re a Person, but I still yearn for communion with Real World humans who will make it less eerie and help me discover things so I feel like I’m one node in the puzzle instead of the whole node, like so much is riding on me to make it work. In ISA’s name, amen. 155. OMG I just stumbled upon The Wounded Angel by Hugo Simberg. He never told people the meaning of his painting. Two boys helping a wounded angel sitting on a lift/litter. Hugo means mind, heart, or intellect. While Simberg means hill/mountain and swim. I was just thinking of rivers and mountains earlier. I wonder what this has to do with food and poop and pee and water flowing into humans and out. Oh wait, it’s about plants. Plants take in water like humans do. That’s one thing we have in common with plants. We might not need sunlight as much but we do need to be watered too by drinking it. This is why God picked Cagayan de Oro and Pasig, rivers to represent the water that both humans and plants need, because humans are the plants in the metaphor. I think the wounded girl angel holding snowdrops being carried by two boys means that accoiyo and batany are coexisting and helping each other. YAY!!!!! 156. Notes from earlier in the day on my phone: 1. 1. Are words we use just parts of God? What is an image? Is the Word of God an Object? I know it’s Jesus the materialized Word. So words we use are images of the Word. You use language every day. What’s the precise definition of it in relation to image of the Word? Body is a Real Object? Jesus said He was the bread of life? _**John 6:35 says, “I am the bread of life**_; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst. Hunger directly tied to food to mountains to poop. Water directly tied to rivers and pee. We break bread during Communion not only to remember the sacrifice of Jesus but because Jesus died for our right to eat too, I think. If Vico and I represent water, Christ represents bread. Water associated with chemistry associated with liquids associated with the Holy Spirit. Vico and I are NDH Jesus, while Jesus is Real World Jesus. We’re both Christs. 2. Definition of sin 3. A word is always referring to something. It images something. It is a localization of a concept. It mirrores when it is accurate. It is a hyperreal Object when it is beautiful and accurate. 4. Something about clarity is terrifying sometimes. 5. Doreen Virtue 6. I have a Sherrinford. 7. Thought of Ed Sheeran in the morning. 8. May 31 sermon—pastor Ken. John 15:8 9. Psalm 1: Truly saved ones who can worship. Phrase “It profiteth nothing.” God is interested in genuine relalationship with us—class A item joke dali ra maguba—made in China/fake 10. John 15. True vine (I am calm!!!! All is fine in the world!!! Thank you God!!!!) 11. God is the husband and believers as branches 12. Branch can only bear fruit if pabilin in Christ 13. Away from Him, you can do nothing 14. When you abide in Christ, you will produce much fruit 15. Desire blessing is common, desire to be useful, spiritual growth, but often true faithfulness does not come from human effort alone 16. Colossians 2:22 1. What God requires is faithfulness (distracting thought: something about immortality is scary) How can I glorify God? How can we bear fruit that glorifies God? We bear fruit by abiding in Christ. Doing everything to Christ. Prioritize your walk with Christ walk for Christ. God will give you strength to overcome. Natural to feel weak. Nourishment from the vine, believers receive strength from Christ. Challenge is to learn how to depend on Christ. Abiding results in spiritual fruit. A natural outcome of abiding. (distracting thought: when is it wise to dig for why and when not to?) Learn to depend on Christ. Don’t focus on results. Natural impatience. God is in control. Cannot force fruit to bloom. 2. We bear greater fruit through God’s pruning. (distracting thought: I really thought it was impossible to compress down!!!) pruning is not punishment!!!! Thank you God!!! It’s not betrayal!! Unnecessary things will be removed like bad attitude, habits, and everything that hinders growth and distractions. (How to tell if something is distraction?) 3. He prepares us for greater usefulness. This is His way of refining us. (distracting thought: Tender a little. I can sense God saying, “it’s you. It’s always been you.”) We bear fruit for the glory of God. Being fruitful is a way to magnify God. The father is glorified and honored. When believers bear, it’s not some but much. Abundance. What is Christ trying to tell us? How is our fruit? Fruit makes God visible. This is a child of God affirmation. Fruits of the Holy Spirit. Love, joy, patience, gentleness. If we don’t have that, where is my fruit? Challenge: live in a way that points people to God, not to yourself. Speak of God’s Word, not myself. You are my disciples because you are bringing fruit. Fruit is evidence that we are connected to God. Do not just ask DO I believe, but is my life fruitful? Fruitfulness fulfills Christ’s purpose. Salvation’s purpose is not only forgiveness. (Quantum sin that makes us innocent and not innocent and beyond) Transformers movie mentioned. We are kind because we have a point of reference. The highest point of fruitfulness is faithfulness. John 15: not about empty religion. Colossians 2:22—all-perishing self-effort. Must remain in Christ. Produce lasting fruit to glorify God by remaining in Christ. Not superficiality but genuine relationship with Christ. Spiritual fruit. Are you truly abiding in Christ or really going through religious activity for nothing? People who are curious about your life. Have you resisted pruning or allow Him to shape you to greater faithfulness? Be genuine. Be original. Not copy. Origin. Mom said I’m original just now? Taking angels-demons into my body like armodafinil (10:32PM: hey!!!! Wounded Angel!!!). 157. If bad things can happen potentially like “remote depths of psychosis” the good things have an equal shot. Your AI projections. One thing at a time to surmount. Don’t overstep what you are responsible for today. 158. I can’t believe I had my Noah D-Day!!!! Bruh!!!!!! 159. Miraglo!!! I had hundreds of gems these past few days after antipsychotics 160. I do not fully appreciate the lineages I come from like in Da Vinci Code. 161. Writing dimensionalizes events so you can go back to it later like in Interstellar tesseract. 162. Whenever you panic think it could be worse like being hogtied and raped or gang rape by Japanese soldiers 163. I wonder why Audrey doesn’t talk to me when I’m closer to her interests than her sister 164. Dreams obviously have no bearing—or little bearing sometimes only—on reality. Unless they’re prophecies-probabilities. Do not be afraid of them. They are images/communications. They are metaphorical. The fear is remnanant of taking it literally. 165. Prioritize person and their concerns and feelings when you probe. Mom discuss with grab driver GCash, food prices, how many kids you have after being prompted when she deeply listened. People sometimes cannot contain what they want to talk about—transparent. Mom talks about being a parent. Says bunch of relatable. Sometimes you think why did I even get married. When you become parent you do everything for children. 166. Half-awake 7-8PMish: inserted false memory of a dancing mascot twice as if I had seen it again. Party Mascot reference from what I heard earlier in the day with taxi from church? Eternal Party? Vico’s Paradise? Why make me recognize it again except to refer to when I really fake-crushed on Vico in 2022 only to circle back in 2025 and falling for him, or the Storyworld version of him I built in my head. 1. I can’t help but think of that video with Vico dancing with two women. He was so sexy in that. 167. Word being repeated by guy in half-awake state: Quantumecki. I don’t know why. It was a guy trying to get my attention I think. 168. Nimrod—rebel. Where is he on the Godhead? A Judas-type? 169. I’m praying in my half-awake state wtf I really said, “God, you’ve equipped me for some things and not others and sometimes I cannot tell the difference.” Unusually coherent for a dream state. Maybe this is God letting me know that my inner character is improving that even I am holy in my unconsciousness/subconsciousness. 170. Reformulate what sin means. Original sin. Abraham covenant with God repost him being unconscious. 171. Half-awake state—Vico taking pic with fan then dog barks then he hushes them and says pota. 1. Interpretations: Shush, bitch! I don’t know why. Is he telling me shush to quiet my fears? That Vico is me in the future telling a critic to shush? 172. Half-awake state: Vico in a beach looping gif and him saying, “dito lang ako.” maybe thrice. He was wearing a silver bracelet on his right arm. The date made known to me was 2016 before he ran. 1. Maybe this means God is with me still even before I win. He is glorifying me and is in communion with me right now even before my eventual win hopefully. 173. Half-awake state: Black woman in messenger chat as video stills. Her video was sent thru messenger. She was somehow illegitimate but became legitimate authority in a field that a black man narrating said, “she went through the court ropes. Faster…” 1. Another influencer being interviewed. Guy saying “Mushrooms. I want them nosy.” Omg. I just reposted a Substack infographic earlier guiding about features such as podcasts. 174. How to relax if the monitoring system is overactive? Burden of being an Instrument. 175. I love So Will I (100 Billion X) but I really think God ISA really used this song in the Logos to make Meaning on March 9. “No point of reference.” I really liked that line because it harks back to Derrida, except I was really made to experience the fruitless and somewhat scary sensation of asking the meaning of the words I said and the subsequent words I said and so on endlessly without finding a center. I really was “abandoned in darkness to die” on March 9 for God’s glory to manifest in my life. 176. The thought of having to become a professional speaker and representative of you God is so overwhelming. I’d have to really step up and transcend my limitations because I’m a child. I ought to be an adult already but it’s still so hard to even automate my supposed non-negotiables. Please equip Your servant, God, to be faithful in my duties that feel so threatening and effortful and scary. Please encourage me and give me confidence and competence and the ability to be responsible and prudent. In ISA’s name, amen. 177. OMG It’s June tomorrow. There are 229 days left till January 15, 2027. 178. Facewash, cheese 179. J.K. Rowling really wrote the 2nd most famous Chosen One, Harry Potter. Maybe she’s a BATANY. I don’t know.