### Dreams 🧫 1. Long-ish evening nap: 1. Something pulling my feet repeatedly, my hair/head—really thought I would be magically lifted and could tell it was an angel trying to get me to work. 2. Apot and me and my dad in a car going to Ket Kai then the passage of time was so fast that once Apot was dropped off, we almost instantly arrived home with a wave of a hand. 1. Interpretations: according to name meanings these two people are the only ones with noble/royal blood in my line (mom wasn’t there, she’s “royal” by marriage only moving to CDO and getting Yee). 3. Paolo believing in me and teaching me manners like, “You’re supposed to invite us inside your house.” And I end up making neurotypical expressions on my face to be polite but then I fell asleep so Paolo had to follow my lead, even as he was crushing my feet underneath his feet gently. Kyra Aves was there in the picnic outside my house to the right side. 1. Paolo—small/humble 2. Marko—Mars 3. Manalo—winning 4. Kyra—Kyra is a feminine name of primarily Greek origin, meaning **"lady"** or **"mistress"**. It is commonly understood as the feminine form of the Greek name Kyros (lord) or the Persian name Cyrus, which can mean "sun" or "throne". The name is pronounced "KY-ruh" or "KEE-ruh". [[1](https://www.thebump.com/b/kyra-baby-name), [2](https://momcozy.com/blogs/baby-names/kyra), [3](https://www.wisdomlib.org/names/kyra), [4](https://babynames.com/name/kyra)]**Key Details About the Name Kyra:** • **Meaning:** "Lord/Lady," "Sun," "Throne," or "Ruler". 5. Mae—Mae is a primarily feminine name of English origin, meaning **"month of May" or "maiden," symbolizing spring, growth, and renewal**. Often used as a variant of May, it is also a popular diminutive for Mary ("beloved") or Margaret ("pearl") and has Latin roots connecting it to the Goddess Maia. [[1](https://www.thebump.com/b/mae-baby-name), [2](https://www.ancestry.com/first-name-meaning/mae), [3](https://www.patpat.com/blogs/baby-names/mae), [4](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mae_\(given_name\)), [5](https://nameberry.com/b/girl-baby-name-mae)] 1. Interpretation: directly related to Aluma earlier from Vico 6. Aves—interesting that she’s directly placed by the edge of my house and her last name means “living by the eaves or edge of a building.” I’m only speculating, but maybe this has got to do with homeless people from Vico’s transition housing earlier. I’m supposed to invite these “homeless” people inside but then I’m sleeping outside the house too and am too lazy to invite them in or can’t be bothered. 1. The surname Aves is primarily of English origin, functioning as a variant of **"Eaves" or "Avis"**. It is derived from the Old French female personal name _Ave_ (or _Avice_), which is rooted in Germanic or Latin origins. It may also hold a Latin connection meaning "birds," or serve as a habitational name. [[1](https://www.ancestry.com/last-name-meaning/aves), [2](https://www.houseofnames.com/aves-family-crest), [3](https://parentingpatch.com/baby-names/Aves/), [4](https://www.ancestry.com/last-name-meaning/ave)]**Key Aspects of the Aves Last Name:** • **Origin:** Primarily English (Norman) and occasionally German/Dutch. • **Meaning:** Derived from _Avice_, a medieval female personal name (originally _Haduwig_, meaning "refuge in war"), or as a variant of Eaves, referring to someone living by the eaves or edge of a building. • **Latin Connection:** The word _Aves_ is Latin for "birds" (plural of _avis_), occasionally used in connection with bird-related nicknames or in Dutch as a variant of the name _Koet_. 4. My sister, dad, and I at Robinson’s where she told me Fire Fighter is published and sold on a magazine stand. 1. Interpretations: this is about FYR FYTR’s song with The Willowlands, “You Were My Brother.” Thanks God! I was worried about how to explain the (n-1) besides Elijah Moses etc. 5. Something pulling my feet and transporting them to another location near my piano and I heard laughter as they tickled me—embarrassing but I wanted them to masturbate me, or at least, my dream consciousness opened my legs to receive them. 6. False awakening where I actually woke up in my current house and finding the door wide open and closing it. ### Ruminations 🩻 1. Still struggling to get into work. Today’s just not my day. I was too exhausted to work out. FUCK ANTIPSYCHOTICS. 2. What the fuck is wrong with me? Do I not value anything anymore? I value Vico, I keep saying his name like a totem today, even after I masturbated to him, just taking in the gravity of what I started. Vico, Vico, Vico. How can I link this drive towards real action and movement? How do I get from A to B on time? Truly, I need more time, God. I have 10 days to go before I’m completely weaned off antipsychotics again. It’s been a month since I really got neck deep into work. God help me. 3. I watched Multiverse of Madness the other day, and Elizabeth Olsen made her way into my dreams even if I wasn’t consciously remembering her name. It just goes to show how images are tied to words and Meaning. 4. You know what? Trying will only get me so far. Tomorrow I will really step up. Today’s Isabella’s birthday. I am going to celebrate her birthday by giving myself time to get into the thick of things again. I really tried today, no matter how unpleasant it was (it was surprisingly not unpleasant to re-read my Unreal Image first chapter). I just wish it was less painful to get started. Something about the thought of completing an entire novel is so unpleasant and painful to me. 5. June 11 is the deadline for grade submissions. I should be done with this novel by May 29. AI will save me. Lord, I’m so sorry. I failed. I should finish 4,375 words per day for each day after May 13 tomorrow. Lord, by hook or by crook with some allowances. You have put me in impossible circumstances and there is no way I am doing this shittily because my conscience cannot take submitting a substandard product. 6. Lord, I ask that You steadily wear away Ma’am Marby’s resistance and dislike of me and my work. Perhaps she has heard about me. Maybe. Lord, I will only submit a short story based on CW 199 former research on porn. Please bless my efforts as I will complete the story tonight. Ideally, I shouldn’t be so shitty so much as unpolished and lackluster. 1. Hello Prof. Villaceran, 1. I have tried to gather participants for this study online, but I could not find other people who are willing to participate in this study or answer my survey or allow themselves to be interviewed. Since I have no partner at this time, and since you have not responded to my emails about how to go about this research, I have decided to use my previous CW 199 work that has all the other equivalent field work from honest responses mostly from users of a community on Facebook to produce a short story based on their lived experiences surrounding pornography. Hopefully, this will go towards the completion of my INC in your class. 7. Lord, this is so unpleasant right now. I can tell I’m in an okay-ish mood but this is just unpleasant too. Realizing that I’m in a circuit of linear time that I have to complete and live through somehow. It’s all so heavy. I will only really savor it next year, all my hard work coming to fruition. Possibly earlier than that if I manage to complete the novel in 16 days. GOD WHY DID I PUT IT OFF!!!!! I’m so sorry for being irresponsible. I can’t help the chemicals in my brain, God. What will it finally take for it to be pleasant? Pressure and deadlines? Anxiety? Overwhelming the fear of starting? Lord, this is an impossible problem with an impossible solution from You, ideally. I’m sure You’re always in control, but I find myself so lost and helpless to my own emotions. ### Sensations/Body Stuff 🫟 1. I worked out a cumulative 10 minutes today. Three times I tried to get off my ass and start working out, but my energy was just so depleted for some reason and no amount of psyching myself up and motivating myself with rivals worked at all.