### Dreams 🧫 1. Snippet of a dream where I’m in Shekinah and I’m looking at the laptop trying to do admin stuff with Sheloah(?) gestalt and checking out that I have an email from an editor of a poetry magazine on an Excel file (that Excel files now have message functions). But the message was from months ago and I was just wondering if it was recent. 1. Shiloah is a unisex Hebrew name, often interpreted as **"sent" or "peaceful," with roots meaning "His gift" or tranquil**. It is a variant of the biblical name Shiloh (שילה), which is associated with serenity and the concept of "tranquility" or "peace". The name can also refer to a "send-off" or "branch" in Hebrew, according to [**1**](https://www.abarim-publications.com/Meaning/Shiloah.html) and 11. ### Morning Pages ⚜️ So there are 33 days between March 9 and April 11. Interesting. I asked for a love sign from God in my prayer journal whose deadline is on April 11 as I nearly had a breakdown over Nikki de Guzman being Audrey 2.0. Truly, “true mission,” the Pasig river post, the black theoretical physicists, the portals post, and now the “a.i.” post could not convince me that Vico is interested in me. He seems more interested in Nikki now, and I’m being a good sport about it by accepting that it is she who will likely make his life richer than I ever could—I just needed a love sign from God that I will also have a great love story too, may not necessarily be with Vico, since he’s symbolically taken for now. . In an effort to make myself a better person, I really followed Nikki now. Something unthinkable considering I’m envious of her to the extremes, but also, I realize she is perfect for Vico, so I must think of his earthly happiness too. Hyping her up might just save me from myself. I identify with her anyway. She looks like Cristine Reyes, is a nerd, is a competent and funny person, charming, articulate, and all around compatible with Vico—what’s not to like? Hyping her up might just save me from ruin—I can imagine she’s me since she’s from UP, and I’d rather he’d end up with a fellow Iska. Meanwhile, I can only dream the same thing could happen to me in the future—maybe a foreigner at this point, since I don’t have a lot of local options to choose from. Somebody who admires my work, preferably. Someone with a heart for ugly people. Someone who understands hard grace like I do. Someone who would accept me for who I am and not for what I could bring to the table.