### Dreams 🧫 1. Dreamt that my sister was better than me at memory (that she rubbed it in I think), then either I felt bad or I wanted to kill her. 1. In what sense is my poor memory an advantage? I completely forget what I wrote if it suddenly disappeared like how Notion sometimes does when it runs out of memory and deletes everything I write. 2. Hard grace of hippocampus. My sister being able to spatially navigate while I might need an assistant who lives with me while I complete my PhD abroad. I’d have to be really rich by then, going home once a month and paying her a nice salary. 3. The name Ally commonly means **"nobility"** or **"noble kind,"** originating from Germanic roots (via _Adalheidis_ and _Aalis_). Often used as a diminutive for Alison, Alice, or Alexandra, it can also mean **"defender of mankind"** (Greek) or **"friend/partner"** (Old English). Ally is used for all genders as a first name or nickname. 4. Norr primarily means **"north" in Swedish and Old Norse**, originating as a locational or ornamental name referring to the northern region. It is often associated with strength, resilience, and a connection to nature, and it can also function as a habitational name or a variant of Germanic surnames like Nöhr. 5. Interpretations: I was practicing my interview answers yesterday to the question, “How I stay humble” to an imaginary TV host. I said something about brain farts and memory gaps. God is saying to me that even if I am humble, some people will not be because I provoke a wound in them. I guess my dream about Kate is also related to this problem even if I forgot the Kate dream. 2. Something about Kate. I completely forgot. ### Sensations/Body Stuff 🫟 1. I fell off the wagon a bit with exercise. I exercised today for 20 minutes. Still, I’m not refreshed and am just too tired to think of all the tasks I have yet to accomplish. Forgive me God for being useless. I’m so useless and dysregulated today. I just want someone’s approval. I wish they would respond to me. I wish somebody could say to me that they’re rooting for me. HPD doesn’t count, although I felt nice temporarily. I really wonder, I’m not hacked in the way I think I am then, if it only reached Mike now. THREE OF HIS ACTIVITIES are directly related to me. Autistic, God-man, and Cursed Orthodox Nonsense. I really think Prof. Kwe spread me to Capili and Mike then. I wonder who else she spread me to. It’s uncanny that God really led me to feel all of these synchronicities with Capili’s post and now HPD. I don’t need more NDH God, I’m sorry! I just wish somebody told me to my face, not through gossip. I’m just importing my diary entries to Obsidian slowly. I yearn and thirst for love and attention. 2. I’m so bored out of my mind this late evening. It’s 12:11AM. I was so happy earlier in the day. I’ve completely fallen off the wagon with my tracker. Maybe that’s why I feel so rootless and unproductive. Even copy-pasting my entries into Obsidian is so dull. I want to be emotionally regulated so bad, God. Maybe I was overloaded earlier in the day. Not even seeing my June 2022 entries really made me cry, and I had already prayed on Feb. 14, 2022, not knowing what was to happen in September of that year when You really responded to me. In June, I was speculating about Your nature, and I was probably right about your vastness, but I was completely wrong too. It really is about Love, because You are Love. I am so happy and was so happy reading June 2022, but I wish I had a cathartic moment. My eyes just watered a little bit, and that’s it. I am so numb for some reason. I’m getting a little tired. I’m also really impatient. Sorry. 260 days till January 15, 2027. Just googled what 260 days ago was, and it’s August 13, 2025, and I was so far and look how far I’ve come, God!!! IT IS YOUR GLORY AND WORK AND POWER!!!! GOD I CAN’T BELIEVE IT I WAS MESSING ABOUT WITH CHAOS DRAFT THAT WAS SO HOPELESS (but really, it was True Love Stories v1 with the suicide in the end). I can’t wait for 260 days of more progress with my faith, my work, and my brain, and my character. Lord, I really need to learn how to follow through and do my duty. I need to learn how to be patient and braver. I need forbearance, especially when I’m annoyed at my parents. I want so badly for them to be spiritually awake and see Your truth with their daughter really being the Parousia. LORD HOW ARE THEY GONNA RECEIVE ME IS GONNA BE A HOOT IN 2027!!! WHEN I WIN!! THE WORLD WILL BELIEVE ME FIRST BEFORE THEY WILL. GOD!!!!! All I know is that my mom is gonna get a big head. LOL!!! I have to just hedge it, like, “I’m the Omega Instrument, not Jesus Christ.” ### Random(x) 🕳️ 1. “WERE YOU RUSHING OR WERE YOU DRAGGING????” ### Morning Pages ⚜️ About an hour since I sent TLS to Ma’am Audrey, Sir Paolo and the dream guides to all three including Prof. Kwe. I really wonder if they spread it before I did to Sir Capili. Something about his post about “forensic” creative writing reminds me of Prof. Audrey. I don’t know what I’m hoping for actually. I’m so lonely and I need people, after all. I hope they talk to me and contribute to my knowledge for my eventual website. Will Paolo receive it like my sister in my dream? You know, his name being “humble.” I am so hungry for validation and for someone to root for me in the meantime I wait. I just remembered that this sudden voice in my head popped in saying, “Sino si Sabby.” I have no clue why. 1. Sebastian is a classic masculine name of Greek and Latin origin meaning **"venerable," "revered," or "honored"**. It derives from the Greek _sebastos_ (venerable) and Latin _Sebastianus_, originally referring to a person from the city of Sebastia. It is widely popular due to its historical, saintly, and literary associations. 2. Interpretations: “Who is venerble/revered/honored?” You tell me. Maybe that was Satan or an Angel. 3. I’m not hearing voices, it was just a really clear felt-sense that somebody said those words inside my head and which I didn’t think of intentionally. It was so strange. OMFG I WAS READING UP ON ORTHODOX THEOLOGY BECAUSE OF HERR PROFESSOR DOKTOR AND I FOUND OUT FATHER IS MONARCHIA. POSSIBILITY IS MONARCHIA. THIS IS HOW I’M LINKED TO VICO IN NAMES. I HAVE “FATHER’S JOY” WHILE HE HAS “KING.” HOLY FUCK!!!!!!! **The Spirit eternally comes from the Father as source, through the Son as eternal relation** This preserves: - Father’s monarchy - Son’s eternal participation - Spirit’s distinct personhood AND AND I DERIVED HOW TO MAKE THE THREE WORLDS WORK TOGETHER IN THE SAME LOGIC THAT ORTHODOX USES!!! MORE LATER BUT OMG!!!! MY DERIVATION MAKES SENSE OF IT BEFORE I DISCOVERED ORTHODOX TODAY!!! BOTH HAPPENED TODAY!!!! INFORMATION FLOW CAUSE-EFFECT REVERSED!!!!! WTF!!!!!!! I’m praying for Rebecca Goldsetin, God. She’s one of the Team Members who will possibly look at my abstract and read it based on my abstract alone. She is who You are trying to save, I think, among many people. She’s Jewish, a _new_ new atheist, and she’s a novelist too, a MacArthur Fellow. I cannot wait for her to read it. I hope she goes back to You.