### Dreams 🧫 1. This motherlode of a dream in my short nap. Gareth Lyn Powell (speculative fiction author in real life) wrote a Guardian article about my entire Sir I’m So Fond of You acknowledging my computer science roots and I felt really recognized. He also referred to Bee movie and he—in the dream—resembles these two non-existent characters in Bee movie that had the names ML and Meml (reminding me of “lmrlm” from Project Hail Mary yesterday) and who looked like characters from Shrek or that Despicable Me movie—bald guy with a long nose and a wig (a meme?) and another character that looked like a bear with a beard. Something about Nikki too. Anyway, Gareth Powell proceeded to say something like “5 out of 12” or something. And I was made to reminisce in the middle of reading the article about my computer science “non-experience” of being recruited by the CS department at UPD through a password cracking errand that they had for one of the assignments. 1. So the trigger was definitely Shawntel posting a Guardian article about Kairos. And Nikki's recommendation Project Hail Mary. And coming across Gareth being written about in The Bookseller with his two horror books. 2. Gareth is a masculine name of Welsh origin, generally meaning **"gentle," "courteous," or "spear rule,"** derived from _gwaredd_ (gentleness) or a combination of _gwaredd_ and _rheol_ (rule). It is strongly associated with Arthurian legend, specifically Sir Gareth, a loyal and noble Knight of the Round Table known for his humility and strength. 1. I remember coming across a name with a spear in the last couple of days. This is related to Roger and Gerald. Since I already have spear in my lore too—in ALL_GO especially. So this is about ALL_GO, since computer science. I wonder if that means Clarkesworld will make an exception for ALL_GO and print it out for readers knowing it’s a very groundbreaking and new format. 1. From “Joseph Edgar Foreman” aka ogafroman: The name Edgar is of Old English origin, meaning **"rich spear," "wealthy spearman," or "fortunate warrior"**. It is derived from the Anglo-Saxon components _ead_ ("rich," "prosperous") and _gar_ ("spear"). The name has a long history, associated with nobility, stability, and classic literary flair, frequently used for boys. 3. The name Lyn is a versatile, predominantly female name of Welsh and English origin, commonly meaning **"lake," "waterfall," or "pool below a waterfall"**. It also carries meanings of "pretty" (from Spanish roots) and "from the flax hill" (Old English). It is used as a standalone name, a nickname for longer names like Evelyn, or a surname. 1. In my lore this is linked to the name meaning of Kyle and ultraSOUND and Prince Caspian. And I came across the name Lino from the other day, which means “flax or linen” related to “from the flax hill” meaning of Lyn. 4. The surname Powell is of Welsh origin, derived from the patronymic phrase "_ap Hywel_", meaning **"son of Hywel" or "son of Howell"**. The given name Hywel translates to "eminent" or "distinguished". It is a common Welsh name that often indicates a paternal lineage, which became a fixed surname over time. 1. So this is related to Howell in my lore from Rhian. And Jhepoy Dizon simply because it’s Mo Twister and Rhian. And that Vico post with Clo dela Paz with the two children and one of them being shorter than the girl (me) because “God will increase” the second son. Something related to Mo Twister too at that point, IIRC. Like, Mo Twister will be my future son and he will marry someone like Rhian so it will be fine if ever he is short because he got a beautiful woman anyway. 5. I wonder what I did that all of these names surfaced in relation to links in my lore on the Logos. This is a really packed dream. 6. Interpretations: If I could group my Duodenity into 5 or 7. Maybe it will be like: 5 for Jesus, Celia, Maryjo, Stella, Esther and other 7 into Norr Weston, Andrew, Pedrito, Peeta, Clovis, Clotilde, Annie. I wonder why I have to group them into 5 and 7. ### Catchy Wordplay/Puns/Copy/Bursts & Spritz 👑 “Hard day today. Do you want a bottle of wine to share with me? You know, for a nightcap?” “Sure, but what I really want? You know…” ”What is it?” “I wish I could bottle you up. Your scent. Your soul.” “What’s gotten into you?” “Just…I miss you, every day you’re not with me. It pains me.” “I miss you too. We just can’t have it all, can we? Time gets in the way. And then we die.” “Don’t be morbid. At least we have this little while, to spend with each other.” “I know, and…five minutes with you is enough of a lifetime for me.” ### Morning Pages ⚜️ What disturbs me about my life today is that I can seemingly do seemingly impossible things unheard of to my usual self—who is this usual self anyway? This really plain, lazy self who can do nothing right?—but only when I lock in and go with the flow of chaos. Which does nothing to soothe my desire to control reality. I know fundamentally that it is unpredictable and scary, but that I somehow know what to do sometimes, and it makes me anxious because I can never really control it all the time, which makes me feel like a fraud. I know my agency and empowerment rests on becoming more competent at what I do so I can break free from this learned helplessness that has hounded me all my life, even when I was at my most competent, I had the feeling that I had no idea what I was doing and still pretended to be competent and fooled everybody into thinking I was. But I really see true competence in other people and it makes me think it’s not at all impossible to be truly competent in a balanced, regular way that is reliable. And that’s what I hate about myself—that I’m supremely unreliable because my big breaks and successes don’t seem to source in predictable ways and ends, and I’m almost always dependent on the grace of God to pull me through. I suppose it’s better for my faith to grow in this way—that I have much more faith in God than in myself—but sometimes I wish I was able to control my reality better. That’s why I’m taking steps to really make exercise a regular non-negotiable thing in my life, so it’s one area of my life that’s a seeming impossibility because I’m flat-footed and the pain sometimes is almost too much, but that I manage to pull through through sheer force of will—and it makes me empowered to do anything I set my mind to, which is great for my mental health and agency and subjective belief in my own capacity. 8:03PM: I have now just split up my Hybrid Three-Act Structure story into 30 chapters, and am not trying to look down that cliff too hard, lest I become discouraged by the amount of brains I must scrounge up to be able to climb this mountain and back. 8:24PM: What I noticed is that I have very little natural stamina to go hard on my schoolwork. I wonder if it’s the antipsychotics, really winding me out after 2 hours of work. Remind yourself every so often that you are actually making very good progress!!! You even managed to write BOBOBEE’s skeleton pretty well and continuing to work on it!!! Can’t deny it though, today was a pretty tiring day not least because of my antipsychotics. Regardless, I aspire to wake up at 6AM tomorrow, exercise 15 minutes, read 50 pages, write 500 words of Unreal Image with the help of saxsma and pen.and.polish and Stray, and work out an extra 5 minutes, and take 2 cups of coffee at most, with preworkout. And possibly, work on BOBOBEE some more if time and energy allow. Everything looking up and forward!!! Keep this up (especially the exercise routine—20/15 alternate) for the next three months and I’ll be proudly marching in July knowing I gave it my all!!!!!