### Dreams 🧫 1. Batman-themed for some reason. In the dream, they—or the instances of Batman—resembled Fairy Odd Parents’ munchkin sizes. I don’t remember much except there was a dog-theme going on too. That the dog could swirl in a drain (this drain was mysterious and a new addition) being detached from the Batman was the surprise and that it was shocking that the department had that feature—the dog was like the little-bit violent dog in the new Superman always rambunctious. And that Batman the sidekick turned out to be gay for the dad Batman, in the end, because he had a dream to bed dad Batman in his very own condo-in-the-sky complete with a billboard of a sort—to match “Samoyed” (I don’t know why this dog breed got lumped into the phrases) the “ed” part. I also had a sex dream about Mike, sort of, like he was fondling my thighs in the swimming pool and I was welcoming it for some reason—none of this I feel in real life. Temptation dream? Interesting. Proves that things I feel in dreams are so different from waking self’s feelings and how psychosis is really dangerous. What a coincidence though, that I dream of Mike for the first time in a while considering it’s his birthday today! Happy birthday, for good or for bad! You were a distinct influence on me since God really used your image in my dream to communicate Themselves to me, even if none of that were true in real life. 1. If Batman dog can be taken to mean anything, maybe it’s Jesus who’s talking to me, or that I should completely watch that Superman movie. I think my trigger was the discussion of Batman in one Bookfox video about him being subject to the heightened stakes of losing either Rachel or Harvey Dent. 2. Am I dreaming of Mike because of his birth date? Or am I dreaming of him in relation to his name meanings? It’s the first time in a long while I’ve dreamt of him, practically ever since Anita or even the beatified dream. It’s such a nice coincidence that it’s on March 24. Nobody could have thought about this but God. It proves that my connection to him is so strong because I had to dream about him on his birthday. 1. Once again, Raymond is a male given name of Old German and French origin, meaning **"counselor" or "wise protector"**. Derived from _ragin_ (counsel/advice) and _mund_ (protector), it signifies a "protecting hand". It is frequently associated with strength, wisdom, and leadership. 2. Mike is a masculine name of Hebrew origin meaning "**who is like God?**". It is primarily used as a common diminutive (nickname) of [**Michael**](https://www.parents.com/michael-name-meaning-origin-popularity-8622392), representing strength and protection, as it is derived from the Archangel Michael. It is a very common name in English-speaking cultures, often considered a standard given name in its own right. 3. De Guzman is a Spanish surname meaning **"of Guzman" or "from Guzman,"** indicating an ancestral origin from the town of Guzmán in Burgos, Spain. It is a topographical or locational surname that emerged during the Middle Ages, often associated with a noble house of the same name. The root "Guzman" may originate from Germanic roots for "good man" or "man of God". 4. The name Falguni (often spelled Falgui or Falguni) is of Sanskrit origin, primarily meaning **"born in the month of Phalgun" or "day of the full moon in Phalgun" (February-March)**. It signifies spring, beauty, and prosperity, frequently associated with the Hindu festival of Holi, renewal, and grace. 3. It’s possible that it’s Celia/Caelum Frank talking to me. Convicting me about possible leftover feelings for Mike. Well, I’m only human, and in the case of my mind, it’s always open-minded enough to be bent in that way especially as I meditate on how influential Mike was to my life, and let’s just say I still find him attractive in my imagination, as in, I still sometimes get hankerings because whatever we have lacks closure—now that he’s surfacing Arkai in his HPD account. If I saw him in real life, I would not feel like this because maybe he has been aged out of attractiveness. I don’t mean to make Vico feel bad, I’m just trying to be as honest as possible. ### Sensations/Body Stuff 🫟 1. Wow. Tweak how much MCT oil you ought to drink—no more than half a teaspoon. It seems so logical now that you’ve felt the brunt of the pain from stomach ache caused by fiery MCT oil. That was a _pleasant_ five minutes. Never again. ### Morning Pages ⚜️ I’m so hungry today. What with all the good food to be had around this house and ordering from Army Navy and exercising a lot. I had quesadillas and wintermelon milk tea, which were divine! Too bad they lasted like 5 minutes only. I wonder why food from specialized shops are so much more appetizing than hotel food, which is usually so bland even at 5-star hotels. I know why this is—those restaurants specialize in that food, while the hotels don’t. So it’s not a surprise. Regardless, I wish hotels consulted restaurants more so their food tastes better, like Army Navy. I couldn’t resist! They really captured my tastebuds’ type of food!! I can’t wait for the next time. ![[March 24, 2026-1785148307518.webp]] This was kind of an off day for me, at least. Granted, I worked out for 13 minutes and 5 minutes was spent on the treadmill. And I added a lot of plot, structure, and theme to BOBOBEE today. So day wasn’t too wasted. I enjoyed today too, with the joyride fetching my mom after a week of not seeing her and eating great food from Libertea/Army Navy. I can’t help but feel guilty for a slow day. I know to never beat myself up this much but I can’t help but feel like I wasted time even if I rationally know I need to rest sometimes to recharge. My body and mind are not everlasting, never-depleting sources of energy, so I should go hard on play and leisure too just to make sure I don’t burn out. I really watched Love Through a Prism (part of an episode) and parts of Bridgerton (the most recent season, my personal guilty pleasure series even though I know the race swapping is really problematic for history). I should be seeing what 2 weeks of clean living look like on my mental health about tomorrow. Can’t wait to be honest, to be able to really complete 100 pages tomorrow. And also, I should get to finding more upbeat pump-up music so I don’t get bored out of my mind trying to get through a workout without endorphins. I don’t know but I’m always trying to steer clear of getting too bored with my music that I dread exercising. I forget, I also read theology books today. So that’s one other thing I did today that was nice too. Overall, not a bad day for someone on antipsychotics. Sometimes I just stop and think how lucky I am to be a pro-published author. I mean, those venues are not obligated to like me at all or pay me for any words I write. I was just supremely lucky I was talented enough to land with their tastes. Like with the Mental Health Poetry Contest, I had some idea what I was doing since I really copied the structure from another poet I liked and discovered at the time—lucky star! But then I never really expected that they’d crown me a winner. Same with Strange Horizons, and Clarkesworld. I have no idea what they saw in me, but apparently past me had talent. I just wish I could fully own it because sometimes I feel so fragmented and empty and braindead sometimes, like I have nothing going for me when apparently my past work speaks for itself—that I am talented with words, that I have potential that is merely waiting to be unleashed on the world, that I actually have a shot with Unreal Image being a New York Times best-selling novel. Yeah. I’m pretty sure my confidence in October wasn’t misplaced. Besides the fact that I’m probably biased as to its humor, it could very well land with insecure teens everywhere, because I’ve never seen a novel tackle something like what I am concerned with, and I truly wish somebody wrote something like it like What It Means To Be Malaya did for me and my growth. I just hope I figure out what made WIMTBM fail commercially. If it was published abroad, I’d have thought it would have done well, maybe 5k reviews on Goodreads, but as it stands, nobody I know and no one online is really hyping it up, so it’s dead in the water even though it’s personally a favorite of mine. Sucks to have really specific taste like me then. But then insecurity is so common I’m amazed how no writer I’m aware of has written specifically about the hatred and envy itself being toxic in a context like my novel’s. Goal for this month and April—do not buy anything on Shopee. You have everything you need right now. You can do without MCT oil. It was never that useful anyway. On the bright side, I’ve re-read my entries from December and I’m actually doing what December me would have loved to have started working on sooner! Her thesis! I’m neck deep in it now!!! Can you believe it past me? So many things have happened, so many good things, one really bad thing, but all in all, really good things have happened to me because of my hard work these past three months!!! And I’ve had much of a blast doing so too!!! I’ve improved so much and I barely stop to look at all my progress!! My journals looked bare compared to my journals now too. So there’s that!!!!