### Dreams 🧫 1. My batch at OCGS playing a sophisticated practical joke on me that involves dropping people on top of roofs and giving them a head injury (I don’t know why). And this disabled guy that my mom apparently has a weird relationship with who is rich. No context remembered, only that I was pissed because somebody distracted me from hearing his composition on the violin-theremin-like instrument. Also something about GOTOlanguage or GOTOspeakeasy. I wish I remembered more but it’s just a stream of computer texts on my screen—may have been relevant to ALL_GO. ### Morning Pages ⚜️ Update 4:19AM: I couldn’t sleep because I really took caffeine at 10PM. I was irresponsible because I wanted to get revenge hours—staying up late to reclaim time as I was too lazy the entire day—felt like slacking off and that the energy from my baptism on March 9 had worn off because of my antipsychotics. Now I’m just trying to do the most boring things like continue with this book report duty—my thesis actually. Should be easy enough. Priorities: - [x] Wash face with cold ice, get sunlight, drink water with a pinch of electrolytes, wait 90 minutes before first coffee, walk for 10 minutes, shake exercise minimize stress routine, Activity log: - [ ] 1 hour - Fabric of reality book + Ocean Vhuong On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous - [x] 1 hour thesis work - Critical Essay Activity log: Managed to do 1 hour’s worth of work, though more on finding pertinent passages in Bodyminds Reimagined book, and then copy-pasting already-written sentences into a structure I can arrange in the final essay. 1. I cannot quite locate the source of this dysphoria. I’ve been feeling it ever since I started cycling Bupropion and antipsychotics within one day. I shouldn’t do that since nobody has advised me to do that. Tomorrow I’ll really try not to do it. I only did it these past few days because I was trying to prepare for the avolition caused by antipsychotics. Maybe it’s got to do with that chaos of being made to take uppers and downers within one day. I ate a banana for melatonin and didn’t take any more caffeine after 6PM. - [ ] 1 hour - moving the needle with BOBOBEE and politics/science fiction AI tech to get one step closer to my goal of making a blip on Vico’s radar in Real World—”thinly veiled Vico Sotto fanfiction, my humble contribution to the genre” LOL you can write that on my obituary as well - [ ] A.W. Prihandita techniques on iPad and also her story in Uncanny for pointers on how to write the food scenes and interjections. - [ ] Just capitalism stuff: but to really maximize my space in Clarkesworld reader’s hearts and the awards-giving bodies, I have to make it at least 15,000 words, or a novella. Great! More space to develop BOBOBEE. - [ ] I should be done with BOBOBEE by June-July, just in time for graduation! I will then buy CLEAR + Ideaverse Pro!! - [ ] A better approach to confronting fear when writing this—don’t think of the award or money, but just fun and experimentation. It’s been a while—well, not a long while, but a while. - [ ] 1-2 hours - getting rid of some tabs and putting Anki memorization cards in Brainscape Activity log: managed to get rid of 1 tab about Machiavelli before tapping out—no idea where this resistance is coming from. Maybe I just need to move about for a bit. I feel winded for some reason. Maybe it’s the antipsychotics. Maybe it’s leftover anxiety about yesternight because of too much caffeine late in the night. I swear I won’t do that again. I really need to wean off caffeine anyway. No more anxiety then! The stress I would be free from—can you just imagine? - [ ] Drawings in concert with actual story for Unreal Image using mental models and graphs that are funny (look at iPad screenshots for ideas and that Vin Diesel page and politicalcompass too). You need to beef up on illustration skills since it’s been a while when you really fashioned something out of nothing. Somehow you coming up with chapter outline stuff in collaboration with drawings similar to Diary of a Wimpy Kid is going to help heaps in your emotional attachment to this project, which for now is just a pile of fear and anxiety over being incompetent and procrastinating for this very reason. - [ ] AJ Saxsma and pen.and.polish in conjunction with your Unreal Image attempts - [ ] Once you get Mapping New Stars, find a fertile chapter you can make sense of to fit into thesis—shows commitment to working with Sydney’s ideas no matter how much people think I’m competing with her somehow (also to monitor her academic strengths to see how I can also improve my own). - [ ] News sweep - [ ] CW 198 prangkahan story—2 more months for this one, officially start working on it when you get halfway through Unreal Image draft at about 40,000 words.