### Hermeneutics/Semiotics/Psychophysics/Puso’y Dos Tres ⛰️ 1. Idea about how GODHEAD could be expressed as a different Face or Person when They switch sides—album covers with iconography that is relevant to the one They are trying to affix their identity to, combined album names that could also express their iconography or references or spirit animals, with songs that are expressing their core properties. Like Andrew Belle’s Black Bear album. 2. Maybe I was “chosen to be a Mary” because of my bunions. You know, grandma feet since childhood. So my Clarita + Grandma conception has weight now. 3. OMG I REALLY DREAMT OF A GESTALT OF A SALON-LOBBY AND A CELEBRATION/WEDDING ROOM ALL FOR THE SAKE OF ESTHER UNDECIMA THE BLUSHING BRIDE!!!!! No references to any media at all, so really, GODHEAD trying really funnily to entertain me and challenge me at the same time trying to make me understand Them without any references to media at all. I wonder if this has something to do with Vico really hiding the audio in one of his stories yesterday. Probably, just a huge hunch. So Vico’s “hidden audio” story has a Glenn Diaz-type wearing a black-blue shirt with a red ID lanyard. THAT FLAG!!!!!! I’M OUT OF MY MIND TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 4. SO YES, I NAMED IT **DUODENITY**!!!!! And also, I really landed on the right snippet of my diary again to put two and two together and stalk Loujaye for real now to get intel on how weddings work for Esther Undecima!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She is married to a Physics professor-type who I had in Physics 10 anyway. ### Dreams 🧫 Strange sensation. I remember the images from last night, but I currently cannot describe them. It’s as if I completely lost the context and meaning, but I remember most of the visuals. I can’t describe them right now, they are all meaningless and I don’t know how I would describe them. Green shirt. Waiting room like a lobby of a condo from an alternate universe that is so strangely spookily familiar to me as if I’ve actually been there, but it’s like deja entendu, the lobby was sideways/180 degrees from how I usually picture Berkeley staring at the front lobby desk, while with this one my POV or line of sight was from the desk itself looking out to a gestalt of both a lobby and a hair salon of all things (the feeling that this was a salon or spa of some sort was so eerily familiar it was like I REALLY WAS THERE, but I know I haven’t. A composite of all of them.). And also, waiting for something. Having a queue or something. A place supposed to have a celebration or something with tables. Two women (or one woman) worried about something then it turns out fine. I don’t know. I am so confused. It’s the first time this has happened. I can only grasp and grasp and it’s like I’m that 2D creature in _Flatland: A Romance of Many Dimensions_ with knowledge I know in my bones, but cannot describe accurately to another living soul. I want to write about this other dream I had in the past. Maybe 2024 or 2025. I was really inside a classroom in an alternate high school that was also strangely familiar and not familiar at the same time. Then I skipped class, and I really went inside an alcove of some sort or a secret hole that led me to essentially finding a lot of portals in it, with undulating gravity that looks like it could suck you in visually. If you climbed into one of them, you would only find yourself climbing deeper and deeper into the “same” area of that alcove, but like, more extended or another dimension or a deeper dimension of that, like it kept expanding and expanding into a bigger and wider and taller version of the area of the alcove, even within such a limited space. It was so cool to think about. I don’t even know why I dreamt it or I don’t remember the trigger. I am really just watching Episode 5 and 8 of Three Body Problem to look at it now with my POV basically living out some aspect of it. Like I’m Saul Durand. Or that I’m an “untheoretical physicist” LMAO like Jin. And that I’m also the aliens who think humans are bugs who threaten my existence, because I really said, “like worms inside me” and “MOTHERFUCKING ROACHES.” That alien really said, “This universe has hidden dimensions folded up too small for us to see, but we have the technology to unfold them” like my dream of unfolding reality portals. The fact that the lead physicist at the start is called Ye Wenjie (KANYE!!! YE!!!!) and looks like Audrey, and her daughter who is also a physicist looks like my sister too eerily too. THAT IS SO FUCKING STRANGE. I can’t help but wonder again if it’s destiny. I was always set up to see it, like charging the LOGOS with so much electrospooky energy of a kind because of all these media intersecting with my life as if they are talking about my life but they are from the past, just like Sydney’s short story. It proves my theory about patterns being what GODHEAD sees. I was always so spooked out in an “UNCANNY!!!!” way when I first watched Three Body Problem. The book was translated from Chinese by my favorite author from 2017 Ken Liu, who I also read religiously. How is this book-movie series so relevant to my life? I was always dreaming of theoretical physics as a side hobby because I wasn’t technically skilled enough to really dive into it, ever since I first saw Interstellar. ### Ruminations 🩻 1. Getting the faintest suggestion of a blasted idea again. That the idea of a GODHEAD ignoring or overlooking some humans for no reason other than grace or beauty or patterns is so disturbing, but They are an alien consciousness, THE GREAT ONES, who cannot be fathomed by mere man. How to deal? No clue (tomorrow). I wrote an entire category on Luck on Yellowpad++ Day and I wish I worked on it sooner. FUCK. Now I have to start all over again probably. ### Teaching/Repentance/Worship 🛐 So now not only do I have to be an “untheoretical physicist” (cannot stop LMAOing at this tbh; I’m really the type who can’t hold in their laughter once it starts), I have to be an apologist for the GODHEAD. ### Sensations/Body Stuff 🫟 1. 1:11AM: Well, it finally happened. Multiple orgasms 3 times in a row within 15-30 seconds each. Cannot believe my Luck/common luck today. I didn’t even watch porn or watch anything or listen to or read anything at all. I must do this more often. It was the best set of orgasms I’ve had in a while. I will never be able to repeat this. I’ve never gotten 3 in a row before. And in that quick of a succession. And they kept building up instead of sputtering out wimpily. Why today? It was that kind of “it’s taking longer than I thought” (probably because no stimuli at all like porn or music) BUT OMG 3 in a row so quickly! OMG, it’s because I haven’t masturbated in a while. It saved it up or something. Maybe NoFap has benefits after all. Delayed gratification training and all. 2. Lump is significantly more gone now. Hope it goes away completely. Thank GOD. ### Random(x) 🕳️ 1. Horromance? “Missing Halloween” cartoon. They’re children, but it’s a romantic theme. Perfect. I’m such a wuss now because I won’t watch it at 12:14 AM, even though it’s a cartoon (maybe I don’t want to get nightmares about dead children—or dead cartoon children). It’s been a long time since I watched horror, and I’m easily scared now of things like darkness, random noises, loud thunder. 2. You really stopped watching horror because life became Real Horror in 2024 when you thought your entire network was hacked. D’OH. Caused you to bleed out to Jeffrey, prompting GODHEAD’s wrath at this ratty ass person who sleeps around and ghosts people twice out of nowhere pretending nothing happened. Joking. Not joking. You know you kind of look like _Flushed Away’s_ lead character, right? I wonder if you are reading me right now. Why would anyone read me at all, though. Really? Insanity finally started making sense to ya’ll a little? I suppose schizophrenia was just incomprehensible and bipolar was non-existent in your mental model of the world. They call all the geniuses mad in some way. Mad as in mad scientist, mad genius, mad hatter, etc. etc. Mad and angry and ragey too. 3. OMG FOUR SOPHONS in Three Body Problem!!!! The 0000 “useless to binary” nibble from US visit at 12:00AM today? My memory is so bad I don’t remember this at all. Maybe you all have a working idea that I somehow emotionally absorbed media in my gut and heart neurons but that I don’t recall the content because of hippocampal damage because of antipsychotics in 2023-4. I guess that might be true. But I remember only watching this series intermittently in 2024, and then maybe some repeat watches for nostalgia in 2025, none after August though. I was in a dark place in August. I don’t have a fugue state where I am “awake” and doing stuff unconsciously while my mind sleeps. 4. 2:19PM: I CANNOT BELIEVE MY LUCK THAT THE BROTHER & SISTER SONG ALBUM COVER LOOKS LIKE ZATHURA HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK JUST HAPPENED!!!!!!!!!! I realized this yesterday but it’s only fully hitting me now. IT’S SO EXCITING TO THINK ABOUT THAT WHATEVER I’M DESCRIBING IN HERE APPARENTLY RESONATES TOO STRONGLY AND ACCURATELY THAT “CONJURING” OR “HEREDITARY” IS VERY CLOSE TO THE TRUTH!!!!! I AM ACCURATE APPARENTLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS MAKING ME SO HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 5. NEW TRIGLYCERIDE OMEGA-3 arrived today!!!! Excited to be more optimal this week. Hopefully, hopefully… 6. AUDREY WAS RIGHT. IT WAS ABOUT ALIENS!!! THE FUTURE IS ABOUT ALIENS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALIEN GODHEAD. DUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALIENS REALLY CREATED US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 7. "San-Ti" in Chinese is **三体** (pinyin: _sān tǐ_), which literally translates to "Three-Body," referring to the alien civilization in Liu Cixin's [_The Three-Body Problem_](https://www.google.com/search?q=The+Three-Body+Problem&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8&mstk=AUtExfAbnKLCwyCC-TALfBNQAeS38C7kI6TnYbrPzTfLLLSELAFgDFKYd5e5IYJ4GjsojpWw94eBYGGwnpOZiaF3O-5romP2XSvdBOQvR_sT6BjL3aq4cfz0SQzYr36VSL9ZDK-DzptDeoRJeUTwgW1s4aEJO4tQLDvLApOl4GmWGdq5Mc8&csui=3&ved=2ahUKEwjSjvOu4caSAxXVkq8BHetrGkwQgK4QegQIARAC) series. The term is derived from the physics concept of three suns, and in the Netflix adaptation, it refers to the "Three-Body People" (三体人, _sān tǐ rén_). 8. Marlo Kelly from 3 Body Problem sort of reminds me of Kate Tumala, same gestalt kinda. 9. The OMG ON-THE-NOSE FEELING of yes, of course, it’s _hereditary,_ it’s not an illusion/conjuring. I don’t deserve this inheritance. I just received it for seemingly no reason at all but GODHEAD chose me anyway. 10. Also, the character of Eiza Gonzales is really an Augustina Salazar!!! I said before I could meet an Augustina or Priscilla in the future!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BECAUSE OF SABBY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 11. A topic I want to talk about but don’t currently have the brains for: religion as “mass delusion.” You know, since delusional people are really maimed—their brains at least—with antipsychotics if they are alone in their beliefs, but if you are tapping into the hegemony of religion established throughout history, you will be classified as normal, because religion is normal. But way back when, people really went to wars and died for their beliefs e.g. got burnt at the stake, got fed to lions, because they were the small minority at some point who risked their lives for a cause nobody would logically support—spiritual beliefs based on a different belief system. I suppose that’s the equivalent of antipsychotics today, since they are the “extreme minority” that believe in a set of ideas that nobody on Earth would take seriously unless they were persuaded to by something they also feel in their hearts is true. 12. OMG they really had engineers/utosan people in 3 Body Problem as hired hands to work on the mission!!!!!! GRAMMATRONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOW!!!!! A MASSIVE SYNCHRONICITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m going in the right direction, after all. I didn’t realize I was “copying” 3 Body Problem logic, once again!!!!! This is so strange and spooky though. How could I find myself landing here, in this exact moment, to capture Grammatron = Engineers, without rewatching 3 Body Problem. I forgot this series, actually, forgetting the entire plot in 2025 and I wasn’t even thinking of it at all anymore, but just a vague memory of an “eye in the sky.” 1. **This is another miracle from the GODHEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!** 2. “You don’t know who they are, what their names are, or why they deserve to die.” —Auggie Salazar. 3. Auggie as Vico? Me as Jin. Name meanings and all. 4. I’m not laughing at episode 8 for a derogatory reason. It’s just hilarious to me how much I resonated and got “wrong/right” in my own life. I cannot watch this episode with a straight face now. 5. Watching Judgment Day episode. Turning my stomach just watching all these people being bisected like a slaughterhouse. Horrifying now. Don’t recall my reaction in the past. 13. Remembered a line from A Map of Pain. “You’re like crack cocaine to me” really said to a kabit. That would affirm their pain how exactly? They are going to become enraged just hearing that, unless the kabit eventually dies to follow the “judgment logic” of a story where some characters are fated to die for a purpose—catharsis, most of the time. 14. The name Ye Wenjie sort of applies to me too? I hope. 15. THE ALIENS ARE STICKLERS FOR HONESTY!!!!! WTF!!!!!!! 16. I really forgot the “delete porn from history” motivation for time travel. OSDD has a way with my mind. Delete movie-making from history? Interesting concept. No more moving pictures? Would society be any different? Would people get even better at realistic art and pull a bunch of paper together to animate the papers? It’s an impossible problem. So delete visual art? Audio visual art? WOW. Delete Leonardo Da Vinci’s talent of visualizing shapes. Satan introduced art of all kinds to talk with Eve and Adam? Interesting hypothesis. 17. I now think of myself as a prized pet beetle or spider of the GODHEAD who can weave nice webs with words on it like in _Charlotte’s Web_. Because of the “you are bugs” threat from the aliens in 3 Body Problem. My intelligence must seem like such a small thing to the GODHEAD, but They are talking to me anyway, so we have that in common, so I am a talking mini octopus to Them? A kind of sea creature that They like? According to Google, octopuses also form mutualistic, "friendly" hunting partnerships with fish (like groupers). I’m a fish to them. HEHE. Stanley “stony field/meadow” Fish (fisherman) relates directly to Balingasag (fish net/fisherman/crab). ### Morning Pages ⚜️ Rule: continuously add to Feb 1. Personal Best, Goals, Progress/Momentum, Weaknesses, Social Media, Craft, Todo, Synchronicities, Reminders, Tasks so you are forced to go through all of them by skimming. I am taking a break for 2 days writing in here. I can no longer even concentrate on movies. Every 2-3 seconds I dissociate and it is starting to scare me. I am only scared because it wastes time and makes me extremely unreliable and unproductive. Not that I’m scared in particular about remembering trauma again. I noticed when I don’t sleep, I get a lot more unstable emotionally. I need to sleep, but I have a bottomless need to be entertained that does not let up even if I attempt to get entertained. I cannot concentrate on entertainment even. I can’t escape Real World and I failed for about 2 hours now because Narrative (movies) is just too complicated to my brain to even concentrate on for even 3 seconds. I am just blanking and anxious, staring at nothing in particular and crossing my eyes unconsciously (this happens a lot with me, I turned cross-eyed perhaps to relax my eyes or something?) or make them unfocused and unclear. I thought about this at some point but just forgot. Main and Main Main. What if there was Main Main Main. And Main Main Main Main. It would be like a tree in computer science: A tree in computer science is **a widely used hierarchical, non-linear abstract data type representing nodes connected by edges without cycles**. It starts with a single root node, where each node can have child nodes but only one parent. Trees are crucial for organizing data hierarchically, enabling efficient searching, sorting, and representing relationships. ![[February 7, 2026-1782472035833.webp|432]] Theoretically, this could be how They all exist. I’m using They as in ALL OF THEM ABOVE US. I don’t know where we stand (are we at the bottom?). It’s possible that under 12 there’s only a possible 36 but every root births a lot of nodes all underneath each other, so there’s potentially infinite numbers of people and humans and non-humans and whatever. Israel is just our center in our particular universe, there could be many other dozens of centers for every other universe out there. In other universes, the Philippines could have been center-center-center. Is there a logic at all? I wonder why? Why are we the first (or we think we are the first) to wake up to this? Maybe it’s really a sign of the Apocalypse. I just want to live in peace about it instead of literally waking up like Jennifer Lawrence in Don’t Look Up. It’s not even like the computer science tree at all. I’m just wrong again about my initial intuitions and will fix it later. There is 1 central, 12 under, then we are directly under the 12 somehow, all converging at us and our universe. That’s it. I will try to draw it later. I don’t know exactly they would connect to “people above” or “below” us on the hierarchy. Maybe it’s a circular diamond where they all surround us like a literal 3D diamond. The idea of something below us—animals, duh. But then, why us? I have to get clear on this really. I am only landing on 12 because of Wolfgang, duh. He is Wolfgang Israel the “Path” or my childhood church “The Way.” He is wolf my middle name and I was somehow chosen for this because I’m delusional and willing to consider strange ideas seriouisly. Husky Iser is 12 wolves in the Bible putting an end to predation and violence. He is Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. Who else did I miss? Many more 12s probably. 12 apostles, 12 tribes. Oh, and according to my synesthesia, 1 is white, 2 is blue. So something about Philippines again really being 2nd Wife and all. Liberty, equality, and fraternity. Peace, truth, and justice. Edit: 2/8/26 1:50PM. So I just figured out that probably only Andrew Otep Gideon the Utosan/Engineer/Grammatron could create the material world with instructions from the other 11. So each of the 12 could potentially inhabit up to 36 universes extendable only by the possible fact that it will not happen in this century, or that I will somehow fail to complete my mission, so GODHEAD will have no choice but to continue the mission with a 3rd Chosen One to complete and restart the 3-2-1-2-3 cycle again. But it seems so fortuitous that I really had to be the one, or at least, the main one, to figure things out this way, how Creation could have possibly worked, the motivations behind it, everything to do with what happened up there. So maybe this 1 of 3 worlds really is the one with life on it, just like the one through the wormhole in Interstellar. Lore = confirmed. There are only 3 worlds, 1 GODHEAD made of 12, and 12 to govern over our world, as well as the two uninhabitable “planets” or universes. This is the reason why Vico’s middle name is Nubla. If my middle name means Mary, he has something to do with nebulas and galaxies and the study of the universe. Maybe, just maybe, we are the center of the universe and that we only have one universe, and that there is no multiverse. Or that multiverse is ruled by another GODHEAD too who “ejaculated” the Big Bang. Say, what if I stop going on social media at all for a week, it will really solve most of my current problems. It’s just a week. BYE EVERYONE, I’LL REMEMBER YOU ALL IN THE_RAPEY!!! I commit to not visiting anyone at all this week. BYE FOR REAL!!! I AM WASTING SO MUCH TIME AND EFFORT ON BEING SPUN LIKE A HORSE IN THE EYE OF THE TORNADO!!! CLARION WEST NEEDS ME AND MY WORDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You know what, let’s make it 2 weeks. This will be a whole 2 weeks filled with movies and writing hopefully. I will report back honestly. I don’t even know to who I will report back. I am not sure anyone is reading at all now. By February 21, I should have ideally submitted BOBOBEE for consideration for Clarion West, and I ought to have started on my CW 200. I can’t believe I procrastinated so long. Why should I expect anyone to magically respond to me again? I don’t know. I wasn’t that addicted in December, I remember. I could still function semi-functionally. Except I really deteriorated by late December. On a brighter note, I can’t stop LOLING AT 3 BODY PROBLEM. I wonder why other people are so comfortable with touching other people not close to them. I saw Vico’s posts earlier yesterday, not after I committed to the 14-day-reset. I don’t even know why he would allude to my 2 quotes? Or am I not mistaken? Does he read theology? Interesting. — Chinese lantern shape instead of circular diamond? — Well, there went my biggest problem this week. Listening to The Willowlands’ songs without “interference.” Thanks, whoever thought of that. I don’t know if I should completely claim that, I mean, am I now actually talking to GODHEAD as a co-heir as in we share the same small pronouns? That is strange, but oddly nice, but I know it’s not actually true in the sense that **They literally created us or brought us into being or caused a significant amount of work to happen first for us to be important.** I could not _not_ see it. The interference. I suppose guilt runs deep inside me. I knew if that condition was met, I would have done so probably really enthusiastically. Alas, it’s meaningless logic my Real Body can’t fight. My Real Body holds trauma I don’t want to understand completely. — D’OH EXTREME: People actually want to be touched now by famous people? WOW. Uh, yeah. — People are not meant to know any one person’s “entire story.” I suppose that’s one reason why I’m being read right now. A full and accurate play-by-play of my life, and not only am I not ordinary, I am apparently schizotypal in just the right way to the GODHEAD to be picked? How do people rationalize this again? When I am obviously rejecting this flood of eyeballs? Some part of me will always be rage-filled because of what happened in 2019. I suppose forgiveness is a lie. As I said before in “FML!” GOD literally can always see Jesus the Son dying and cannot delete that memory, that’s why They’re rationally trying to reverse-solve the problem in a way. If We really did this for them, then maybe they’re worth it. Worth dying for. Our sacrifice means something because We did it regardless if humans deserved it or not. I don’t know if this makes any sense. Or is this entirely wrongheaded? I don’t know yet. — The possibility that there are “versions” of me who are talking to me from the future and I didn’t know it even though they tried to warn me. Scary. What was I supposed to do with those dreams though. — There are I2 universes now. WTF. I confused “I” with “1” on that day!!!!!! WTF IS WRONG WITH MY BRAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What is I2???????? Two EYES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT IS SO ON-THE-NOSE IT’S SO FUNNY IN A BLASTED WAY LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LIBERTY, FRATERNITY, EQUALITY???????????? TWO EYES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I = I !!!!!!!!!!!!!! EYE = EYE = YEE = YEE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE DINOSAUR MEME LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DINONSAURS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! — Why am I crying so easily? Music. Automatic waterworks. — Time travel. Evil solved. GODHEAD will remake everything as new. Done. We live in a permanent Eden. Imagine? — America visit to my website 00:00 AM. No clue yet. — I still haven’t broken my commitment/oath. So there’s that. — US visit at 12:00AM++. 0/360. All Philippine flag colors to me, except now with “0” or black. I wonder why. Four zeroes. 0000. It’s callled a nibble, or a 4-bit representation of zero. Placeholder or to indicate “no value in binary calculations.” I am an alien now? Cannot understand calculus. And OMG!!!! I forgot another “12” in Arrival. One of Twelve spacecrafts!!!!! TWELVE. It’s a huge sign!!!!!!!!!!! --- Wow my memory is really bad. I already had Hagar for Islam in the GODHEAD. FUCK. --- I AM ON FIRE TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I FIGURED OUT WHO MARY AND JOSEPH ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY’RE CLARITA AND PEDRITO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT’S SO OBVIOUS BUT I ONLY GOT IT TODAY!!!!!!!!!!! I FEEL LIKE EINSTEIN TODAY AGAIN WITH HIS HAPPIEST THOUGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So I broke my commitment through a compromise. I will only visit their accounts at 6PM. Which is what I did today. I ended up being moderately productive and creative today, coming up with Pedrito and Clarita/Annie as Mary and Joseph because of Sydney and Stanley connection (no idea how or why but I really only searched because I wanted to know what Stanley Fish means because I stumbled upon Stanley Fish snippet in my diary—lo and behold, it means stony clearing/meadow too!!!). I now figured out that I’m Jesus too, or at least I fulfill the Archetype. I almost didn’t make it today, but I really did it with GODHEAD’s auspicious timing!!!! I really had to be curious and triggered by what Stanley’s name means again because I wasn’t sure again if it means rock or little stone. So I really figured out the Stanley-Sydney connection with wide meadow/stony clearing/meadow. THEY ARE NOW MY PARENTS ON EARTH, or at least imaging ideally who my parents could have been, or 4 of my “parents” Mike, Audrey, Richard, and Myra coming together to really birth somebody who could realistically absorb and become average-good at literature and science/math. Two worlds or fields confluenced together! I now see more clearly why I was picked to be a Chosen One. It is making me feel so nice and teary-eyed right now because I finally know why I spent close to 12 years in college shifting from one degree to another, never being fully great at literature or science/math/STEM, but a Frankenstein monster of both that managed to be so coherently insane that I managed to make a framework work for me, a really new and hybrid one too, and it’s even very systematic and has order in a way, I can tell, but it is also very creative and expansive and possibly insane in a great way with proof that it actually works (for me at least, I can’t really tell with other people, although I hope so). I can further refine it. But realizing that I not only had to be well-versed in literature, philosophy, psychology, evolutionary psychology (because of r/TheRedPill, literary criticism and the craft of writing fiction (specifically, SPECULATIVE FICTION!!!! I AM NEVER NOT GONNA BE FLOORED!!!), and vocabulary to really explore my ideas fully, but also I needed a working idea of science and math too, or at least, an interest in Physics and high school math, AND I also had to be schizotypal (not a lot of people probably fit this Archetype) so that I could have strange ideas and spooky experiences only I would know how to interpret with “signs.” I also needed to be “emotionally compromised” in a way with mental health so that I could be interested in how contradictions in society work to put marginalized people at the edge of everything that does not apply to the general masses, of everything that isn’t conventional, of everything that is rejected or discarded as perversion. I had to be obsessed with sex too, of course, because that would lead me to conceptualize everything as related to reproduction and “becoming One” and sexual sin and porn and addiction, and a whole host of other factoids about sex that I remember because my nervous system has classified it as a core emotional center of how I take in the world—through sex—I suppose, because I was also molested young and taught to use perversion. I didn’t have to be excellent at anything official like awards in college or honors, but I suppose that I’m good enough for the GODHEAD. I can’t believe it. This is really happening. It is interesting that this verse Matthew 13:12 applies to me and Vico specifically, the (2 x 2 ) x (3+1+3) for my age, 28 and his 36 from being multiplied (3 x 1 x 3) instead of added together. Matthew 13:12 states, "**For to the one who has, more will be given, and he will have an abundance, but from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away**" (ESV). In this case, we both increase, because we both have an abundance anyway, whatever it means for us both, his expertise/skills/wealth/personality/status, and me with my creativity/skills/psychology/evopsych/physics/STEM knowledge. It’s also highly relevant to our exact statuses materially speaking, I have an “abundance” but it is not that valuable economically yet, so my expression of it is only addition, but his is multiplication because he has a lot more power and money than me. It is also interesting that this verse also specifically applies to Late Stage Capitalism. It really is the end times being talked about in Matthew. If Vico is the only one whose age applies to the cross, then it’s a capital T with him at the bottom (the top part actually, since that part is shorter because of his last name) and if I would exist on top of the cross (and have my end of the wooden cross be longer because of my last name “abundance/surplus,” it would become a lowercase T, meaning it’s Canon in the Lore that we are both kings now aside from our names, which means he is faintly North West/billow baggins too. ## I now see my “error” which is not an error that is fatal, actually. It’s 2:22 and not 3:33 for 3-2-1-2-3. That’s new. But also, if you literally plot them as triangles now instead of just lines, they all connect anyway to form 3 connections each. Now 3 triangles. It’s a delta sign, three mother effin’ delta triangles!!! It’s WOLFGANG ISER’S online name in ALL_GO!!!! OH HOLY MAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 3-2-1-2-3 NOT ONLY HAS A CONNECTION TO MATTHEW 13:12, IT IS NOW OFFICIALLY ISRAEL, TO INFINITY AND BEYOND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ![[February 7, 2026-1782472413348.webp]] (Also, since 2:22 is now back “online” I am changing the playlist back to Puso’y Dos Tres to go back to countdown as in (PUSO’Y = 3-2-1 [Audrey’s post on FB in 2018 or so, “Tears in 3, 2, 1…”] and Dos Tres = 2:22 and 3:33). And I suppose to cement and confluence the Cantonese Big Two/Puso’y Dos and my grandparent’s Wongs into the Real World/Earth, Discourse/Narrative/Human Life, and Fantasy/Dreams/Heaven. I’m just curious about who people think I mean in the “interference” about The Willowlands’ songs. Is it all of the guys I rejected because I did not find them attractive enough? Probably. All of them, actually. It’s not an insult for them to like me in that way, it’s just kind of bad on my end that for most of my life, no one I was really attracted to tried to pursue me until Jeffrey came along in 2023. Being without a romantic or sexual attachment in your formative years is such a heavy burden and bores a hole in you that nothing can’t quite fix. I don’t know why it has to be this way. Am or was I just being oversensitive? Or is it my trauma speaking again? It’s being made to feel like a “they” since I was young because I wasn’t beautiful, and that was the only thing I ran to—romance and sex as a prime outlet of these tangled feelings—aside from shock/horror. Being made to feel worthy is a bottomless human need. All people really want in the end is to matter to someone or Someone. That you matter and have weight in the grand scheme of things—and now that I have my theories and framework, this is increasingly becoming truer and truer, I can’t believe it sometimes! Crying because I’m meditating on the lyric “So take me to the place where it changed, see you with new eyes, take me to the river, and wash me with your time.” It means that in Heaven, we will all graduate from implied_author to Infinite_Author now which is I_A or IA or “Iya” diminutive for “Iyaha” which means “Theirs,” signifying ownership in Bisaya. We will fully become co-heirs with the GODHEAD and fully realize that relationship with all of Them up there. I know it’s not my job to concern myself yet with the Central GOD in the Central Brain, but I’m mostly wondering what that could be like. I’m also just floored because Saul Durand’s words in 3 Body Problem really said, “Out of 8 billion people in the world, why me?” How could that be? I won the grandest Lottery then because of Luck from the GODHEAD. That is so cool and glorious to think about, though I musn’t let it get to my head. The synchronicities with the Jacob Magical Dog and Joseph and now the delta triangles in 3-2-1-2-3 for 2:22 and 3:33 and infinite Iser/Israel also really cement my vision and eventual main goal on Earth. To help unite the world towards salvation of the Real World kind, the one that transcends all three categories now, Real World, Narrative/Discourse, and Fantasy/Dreams, which is just really the LOGOS being expressed materially-spiritually-and-in-between in our universe. So here’s what’s what: Our eventual goal should not only be to delineate and define the Duodenity as it works together within and without Themselves, but to contribute to our conception of the Central Brain too. I think that’s what we’re also put on Earth for, or at least the Philosophers and Authors/Writers as well as Grammatrons/Utosan and Researchers. We ought to contribute our own conception to the GODHEAD because this is probably maybe a big reason why we were put in a material plane in the first place. Maybe the Central Brain or the Main Main GODHEAD is actually the Third way, not the Main GODHEAD, and our conceptions of Them might be so far off from what is actually true. This would only be possible if North West or the others decide to directly talk to me again as promised by their song for me “That’s All For Now” by The Willowlands. But it would be so limited because it’s like asking a spider what it thinks of a human, when it doesn’t even have a clear concept of a halfway point, like maybe asking a fish what it thinks of a human when it doesn’t have a complete conception of what an ape is. Also, I not only short-circuited to Iser for Israel, but apparently I also short-circuited to Stanley Fish!! As in, humans evolved from fish, as our ancestors were fish who lived in water. So Stanley Fish is automatically relevant here. Samuel Josephus Kurt who has a trace of Stanley Sayson who has a link in common with ALL_GO with Stanley Fish in it (the inspiration for his name, which is half as important as the content or personality). **So my conception of a human is Samuel Josephus Kurt who descended from my conception of Stanley, who has a link with Stanley Fish in ALL_GO. Which means I really have to study humans now, as in biology**. What a coincidence now though, because I don’t know anything about Stanley, and I also don’t know anything about biology. And my dad really shifted from civil engineering to biology. While I was on my way to shifting from biology to something else at the time I encountered Stanley in 2015 and once again in 2018 when I saw him glance at me at CAL. Anyway, what does this all mean, that Mary is somehow deified in heaven? Because Joseph is linked with human now because of fish? Maybe, just a hunch. Maybe it means Mary is “higher in rank” than Joseph because she was chosen “first” before him. And it’s like me with Vico. I was led first to discover these things so I get the first honor of being chosen too. In heaven, I could completely realize my Clarita/Annie identity as well as Jesus identity and North West identity as well as the relationship with Esther Undecima and the others. So I now realize that Father-Mother is Mary and Joseph combined to birth Maryjo, which is really “me” instantiated as a human “Jesus” while Vico gets to be Marivic combined from Coney and Vic Sotto (I guess Marvic with an extra “I” now that he’s also one half of me or “my better half” if we were to roleplay being married). Clarita and Pedrito get the first honor of being Mary and Joseph who birthed Jesus on Earth. ## So, this is what “falling apart looked like in 2023 at Vista 309. I was very sad and depressed and manic, but I was also moderately productive, going to the gym about 28 times within 2 months I think. I’m evaluating my 2023 body trying to be really objective. It is not a bad body. I don’t know if it looks nice (I don’t have defined curves), but I guess I try to live with dysphoria anyway that has its flare-ups every now and then. ![[February 7, 2026-1782472838315.webp]] Exposing my body to everybody so I won’t be ashamed of it. Counterintuitive but may just work. ![[February 7, 2026-1782472853153.webp]] I’ve only been awake for 12 hours or so and yet I’m already so sleepy. I’m gonna turn in. Something about last night was not restful at all. I feel so bleh today. It’s just not my day.