### Morning Pages ⚜️ I think of him as “precious” as in, “he’s someone’s baby” especially with some of his pictures but then he’s also really strong and capable. Sweet quantum/Equano thought. 10:48AM: WOW AMAZING (no joke) A.N.G.S.Y. accretions. Or A.N.G.Y.S. (ang wise, angas, ang ice, am-is). No idea what conventions are. This is a little embarrassing. 1. So I made myself “Main Marivic’s Joy” or “King” when I changed the name of North West playlist to billow baggins? Interesting. I didn’t intend that. 2. I “took” or “got gifted” GOD’s Eyes or an implied_author title. Marivic from Marvic. Re: “Father’s Eyes” song. Which makes Nieto mean something. Read it backwards? 1. Made a new playlist called “Song of Songs.” Song from the GODHEAD each. Maybe in order of discovery/exploration. Maybe the Lola really is Sophia the Egg. GODHEAD saw Mary on Earth 2000+ years ago and she seemed to hold an abundance of Wisdom just because her patterns matched Sophia the Egg’s properties, i.e. a grandmother-type. End of Beginning. Young Face of Stella Undécima is now Irish. (Just) Irish. Suppose they all have invisible (Justs) in their names. 3:10PM: I have a mild-moderate hemorrhoid that bleeds sometimes when I take a really huge shit/medium shit. NO GAY?????????????? I’m actually open to it if they manage to cure it. It must be tighter than the vagina, otherwise, why put yourself through possible poop. “It’s just smellz” or something. Even rimming??????? Wow. Use dental dams?????????? Also, my mom had a shit once with the door open and she audibly moaned in a pleasure way, I even think she said “lami” or something (weird memory)?????????? I don’t know if she passed that down to me, but we kind of got the same big legs, only hers are proportional a little, but kind of on the bigger side, like her hands. Anyway, to time travel, or not time travel??? Ugh… So hard to choose… (LOL NO I am only doing this so he can be free to think of other women.) You can’t control someone’s thoughts, as long as they don’t let it _linger_. Emotional cheating happens when you idealize some other option too much. If it’s already hard for me to control intrusive sexual thoughts of him, it’s probably 10x harder for a man with who knows how much more testosterone (I think I was exposed to too much for a female when I was a fetus in the womb). So I guess the W.H.I.P. Formuoli works for me, I don’t know about others. If I seek Answers, I will find it “fast” or faster-than-normal. W - Wish, H - Hope, I - Intend (maybe to somewhat try harder to feel like you will really have to solve it “on your own” without the Answer), P - Pray. Only, I only _hope_ it’s like this for others. It would be unwise to “wish” for something (like me really writing “wish I had that” towards Vico’s love for all types of humans; then come February 1, I get a glimpse of this being possible now). But see, maybe it will be used to do less-than-noble things. I don’t want to game their Luck. Or I guess GODHEAD will take care of that too in the eventual afterlife. I guess GODHEAD likes this pattern, because it really has “I whip my hair back and forth” energy from “I am a god” Willow (Smith) copying her “step-father” Kanye’s original(?) song which is faintly about what I’m doing lol even though those songs came before me. “Whip My Hair” from when she was a child/teenager. Coincidentally and synchronously, I added Tricycle - Special by The April Boys at exactly 4:44PM. Don’t know why. Maybe that’s similar to my 3:33AM/PM? I realize January 4 was “virginity” day. Zero = Ralph, someone I liked noticed me intimately, him holding my math book open(?) for me while I went out of the library to get a pen and putting a “you must be so feverish right now” hand on my forehead after I visibly got flustered at being briefly associate with Angel Phonso Tan, I think, to read something or speak in front of people. First is actually Sabby (who I saw “naked” online when he was very honest and earnest, not knowing I was a lurker). Second is Mike (I saw him at his worst—his puffy eyes from probably regret and shame and the look of contempt—in 2019 and he saw me at my worst). Third is Jeffrey, I guess, because he’s seen me half-naked, not frontal though (but from the side). Fourth? I really hope is not a Huge Prank. So “gold” goes to Jeffrey? Hooray for you, I guess. For looking like my Chinese HS crush—so eerily alike. Why would it be a badge of honor/fame? That is too strange to fathom. Ya’ll are crazy. They are not technically my sex partners but ok. I don’t know what led me to this thought. Oh right, _First Ko Si Third_. So I really took a shower early in the afternoon and dressed up in “working smart casual adult” attire to pretend to be disciplined, “fake it ‘til you make it” ika nga. It is somehow not working and working at the same time. I feel cleaner and lighter. I don’t usually take a real bath in the morning, that is currently illogical to me. The April Boys could have easily been the “K-pop” standard in the 70s, projected to probably shoot up in the 1990s. But Destiny decreed worse things for us. Tragic, I really hope it changes. # Q.E.D. ULTIMATE READER-RESPONSE IS FROM THE GODHEAD. Clues: 1. Severely unlikely to be noticed on your own. Luck had to be involved like me really noticing “Willowlands” not because of a pattern that was cemented (or maybe to me it looked random at the time). I don’t know why I didn’t search “Willow” only. Oh wait, I did, so I landed probably on Willow (Smith). Also, two synchronicities connecting, a popular one and a severely unpopular one that deserves to be popular. 1. The Willowlands band really had 24 listeners only. Unlikely to be able to be popular on search especially if they were already copied by someone else with the name. 2. Hunch: that you will receive a Response only because GODHEAD knows or has faith you will be able to handle the glory and not be fully tempted to take the bait. Or this is partly the reason. **9.1 to 0.9 or 9.5 to 0.5? Interesting.** ### Ah yes, the VDVVVK Problem, thanks for reminding me. Technically. +or, The 5:29 Theory) 1. Mary was the “foreigner-looking”/alien to their culture? 2. Mary had a silent wish in childhood (most women) that was set up to be the extreme opposite seemingly deliberately and extremely addictive to her (the idea). 3. When I was at Vista 309, I briefly or seriously considered killing myself through water starvation. I don’t know why I forgot about this memory. It was very traumatic to consider a few months later at home to realize I would have really done it. But then I forgot about it. 4. Ever excused yourself to cry in a CR in Okada at your sister’s graduation? Knowing and/or not knowing the subtle differences but they snowballed in worse and worse ways as you grew up to diverge? Despite genuinely feeling happy for her too? ### VDVVK [where I attempt this problem that I (wish and hope) OR (wish and pray) works] I need and want someone’s diary really bad. I cannot blindly do it, unless… ### NVS PROBLEM 8:38PM: Well, Ursula K. Le Guin figured it out “first”—her book, “Words Are My Matter.” Icon of Icons. Even if her books didn’t necessarily pull me in back then (I don’t know now though, haven’t tried). # 10:21PM 2/4/26 Eureka D’OH: If I see an extremely “naked sign” that an extremely beautiful + sexy + smart woman is trying to replace me, that will be my clue to work on Satan theories. Go nuts, I guess? I am frankly being tortured already. Go_AELLA_GO!!! I finished a notebook today that I only started writing in on Januaray 31, 2026. What do? Scary. Childrin R Skary. Q.E.D. They will always appear “motivated” by pleasure but are actually suffering really fucking badly in a way that no one sane is going to be able to tolerate unless X factor happens. I guess, I gave myself the sign? Eh??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? Currently feeling additional blowback even without looking at anyone’s posts since probably 7:30PM. Okay, faint suspicion that I was set up on February 1. ALIZEIAH???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? 10:54PM: You know, I’ll stop doing this for free probably if I get no sign of economic advancement. I’m too available for very shitty reasons. Unless people are just validating my extremely half-baked ideas again? Maybe? If I don’t get a mention at all in Locus or something for BOBOBEE I will kill myself (joke). They look “nice” a little if I do that posture (2 people I want to be), but they do not look nice if I don’t. Who is doing that posture when having sex tho? Really? ### Hermeneutics/Semiotics/Psychophysics/Puso’y Dos Tres ⛰️ So I guess the W.H.I.P. Formuoli works for me, I don’t know about others. If I seek Answers, I will find it “fast” or faster-than-normal. W - Wish, H - Hope, I - Intend (maybe to somewhat try harder to feel like you will really have to solve it “on your own” without the Answer), P - Pray. Only, I only _hope_ it’s like this for others. It would be unwise to “wish” for something (like me really writing “wish I had that” towards Vico’s love for all types of humans; then come February 1, I get a glimpse of this being possible now). But see, maybe it will be used to do less-than-noble things. I don’t want to game their Luck. Or I guess GODHEAD will take care of that too in the eventual afterlife. I guess GODHEAD likes this pattern, because it really has “I whip my hair back and forth” energy from “I am a god” Willow (Smith) copying her “step-father” Kanye’s original(?) song which is faintly about what I’m doing lol even though those songs came before me. “Whip My Hair” from when she was a child/teenager. 5:00PM: Decided to rename Clarita Villegas into Annie Blumhouse. Opposite of Simbelmyne (I really attempted to sell sex toys on Shopee in 2021 with the name of my shop being that). What it sounds like to me if read backwards. Even though Blumhouse isn’t a last name. Perfect for Annie Blumhouse too coincidentally, because I’m scared of Sydney and Angela. I also think it vaguely relates to Nick Joaquin’s _Candido’s Apocalypse_ with the main character Bobby being scared of finding his Lola naked too like everyone he sees. ### Dreams 🧫 No dreams last night/early morning. # AND OMG!!!!!!!!!!! How did I not realize this sooner!!! THE THIRD WAY IS NEVER US. IT’S GODHEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (THEY ARE AN ALIEN CONSCIOUSNESS, AFTER ALL.) So there’s no accident that I named the duo in S.O.S. Celia and Frankie. I got Celia from Atonement. I got Frankie from Frank Dillane (teenage Voldemort in Half-Blood Prince). I’m naming Holy Spirit Celia Frank. I really watched Half-Blood Prince yesterday in order to realize this? And backread what happened on February 28? Get it? Celia the Cyborg = atonement for what happened with the underclass bombing and plague, only, for a short while. ### Ruminations 🩻 1. I ought to add Arabic and Hebrew to my goals. 1. (Arabic has gender, Farsi doesn't) 2. **Farsi is the language of Iran, while Arabic is spoken across the Middle East and North Africa**. 2. The power differential between me and a thicc spider. I’m slightly scared of them, I’d hate the idea that they’d get on my skin being creepy-crawly, so I kill them, not with pleasure, but to prevent the idea. Fear of a kind that maybe GODHEAD deals with? I don’t think They’d be afraid of anything, just that they’re annoying and possibly going to cause complications and irritations. 3. So the “trick” to remain exciting in marriage is to never be sure they are fully in love with you? So you try harder? This is why people attempt to make their partner jealous of a new crush to get some attention/care/time/concern. I wish there was a better way. That means you ought never to get married on paper. You really do have more grace after marriage for their flaws, but it will be natural to be stagnant and no longer try to date them because there’s no novelty anymore and also because maybe it does get old after a while even if you were fully head-over-heels in love with them at some point. I guess you must remember why you fell in love with them in the first place and try to meet their needs “in the middle.” ### Catchy Wordplay/Puns/Copy/Bursts & Spritz 👑 1. **GET USED TO THE GRIND (YOU DO LOVE GRINDING, DON’T YOU?). HEH.** 2. SKAN 1. Priorities not necessarily constantly in this order: 1. Sam - wife/girlfriend/situationship/love guru/erotica/marriage counselor 2. Katniss - Gaza/Israel/Unreal Image/school 3. Audrey - Christianity/develop ideas and theory/physics stuff 4. North - Music/poetry/critical race/gender theory/literature/craft of writing/physics stuff of a different kind/language+learning <aside> 🫀 > FUTURE DEDICATION (LOL): THANK YOU PEEPS @ everyone </aside> ### Things to ask AI/Or not 📎 ### Songs 🎤 ### Teaching/Repentance/Worship 🛐 “We woke up at 4:00AM to a tragedy. They struck three little girls and my aunt is an old lady with her daughter who was staying with us. We found my three little nieces in the street. They say ceasefire and all. What did those children do? What did we do? I do not know what we did. What did these three children do? I do not know.” This is just 01:43 of your time. <iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/Cs3pmoIeFvU?si=lI4GBZD9UldFcYyG" title="YouTube video player" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share" referrerpolicy="strict-origin-when-cross-origin" allowfullscreen></iframe> — On tolerating some natural envy and jealousy when your partner thinks of other women. Well, you ought to love all versions of him, not just those that are in love with you and your body. Harder to do in practice, though. I commend women who can actually remain “clear-hearted” when it comes to this. 4:56PM: So the “trick” to remain exciting in marriage is to never be sure they are fully in love with you? So you try harder? This is why people attempt to make their partner jealous of a new crush to get some attention/care/time/concern. I wish there was a better way. That means you ought never to get married on paper. You really do have more grace after marriage for their flaws, but it will be natural to be stagnant and no longer try to date them because there’s no novelty anymore and also because maybe it does get old after a while even if you were fully head-over-heels in love with them at some point. I guess you must remember why you fell in love with them in the first place and try to meet their needs “in the middle.” ### Sensations/Body Stuff 🫟 1. HIIT earlier before 8AM. 05:47m I think. 2. Meditation 9:23AM: 15 minutes 9 Bring-Backs. It was moderately hard, but I managed. 3. HIIT again 10:20AM: 05:00m. ### Random(x) 🕳️ 1. I want to go to law school and be more practical. Sadly, maybe this will only be a side interest. I could be a consultant or something. I don’t know if lawyers or people in that field listen to philosophers/public intellectuals.