### Dreams 🧫 1. So I’m going to write down my dreams from yesterday. A familiar one, actually. This is not the first time I have dreamt of becoming an object (probably a roving eye or camera again) that is somehow propelled to enter rooms, doors, and all kinds of entrances to kind of loop around an area, maybe a staircase in another dream, a hotel ambiance in another. I am always “looping” as if I’m a ball that has been kicked to boomerang back into a place, so that is why I’m zooming through these areas in a circular way (at least, it felt like a circle or a cycle of some sort where I would land in the same place I started). The dream yesterday was a Disney-themed one, although I forgot what. I also put it down in my phone in a blitz early morning yesterday to remember, the “Kim Carnes sex fest drive thru movies” with family for some reason. It was a family affair, so fucking weird. Kim Carnes is a singer I put in the playlist. Something about breaking school rules. And “Don’t Call It Love.” 1. “Dust Bowl” to make me think of Ethel Cain, a trans woman. I guess, yeah. My dream literally pointing me to trans people to take my idea seriously about transwomen being the key to unlocking how Jesus would have become human in the first place. 2. My other dream was underwater, but in a room of some kind. Or this felt slightly like a Real World submerged with furniture everywhere. Then there were sharks that I was either trying to avoid—or that I became a shark. But sharks are less evil than dolphins I think. Pity about their looks and reputation. I also wrote down in my phone notes “blowjob white people.” I have no idea what I meant. I completely forgot—or wait. This was two white people sitting in a picnic somewhere or above a car hood, and then the woman gave him head while he was sitting up. Except my dad was there and it was weird. He was watching them? Or that this was an “Eden” type of place where the thought of my dad and sex being in the same room isn’t weird. I never think of my dad in that context. There is no weirdness with us in that way. He is very upright and would never do that to me. This is why he was disturbed at me saying “oten” in my childhood probably. I wonder if this dream has something to do with my silent wish—that if my dad didn’t immediately react like that, I would not live with shame today about sex and would never have had hang-ups about it like a mental block—I like to think I don’t have this. I am very comfortable talking about it here, but I don’t know what my behavior would be like in real life. I would be very shy probably but if I get a signal that they like it, I will be more confident and in the mood to be sexy and feminine and lean into coyness and being demure/a tease. 3. I was also ruminating in the dream. This happens a lot. It’s like a thought gets material and it’s the only thing I remember. I remember no images, just the idea of “hmm, I wonder what Jeffrey was like in his teens that made him want to try casual sex and be addicted to it.” I suppose it’s so typical, like a woman who is a gold-digger deep down. I felt that way about him, though I still liked him. He is motivated by nothing but sex, easy sex at that. Always enthusiastic when it comes to sex but extremely dry in other emotional stuff. I suppose he’s more emotionally starved than me. He literally has no boundaries with his family because they all sleep in the same room apparently and he has no privacy. I wonder if I changed anything about him. He is currently maybe dating someone for “good” reasons now—maybe love or a long-term relationship. I can sense the new girl is a good person—involved in politics and humanitarian causes, and who is a nerd too. 4. And here comes the oddity. I dreamt of a pool and there were these slightly obscured numbers. 25, 26, 57. That were marked for later inspection. This is exactly what I wrote down. Inspection. And then later in the day, Vico posts something that has “inspection” in it, and numbers like 20, 21, 22, 23, 24. BUT NO 25. I have 25, 26, 57. I don’t remember if the 57 is exact. I was in a hurry to write it down on my phone because it wasn’t so clear to me in the dream. This is so strange though, how I had the numbers first—I dreamt of them first—and then Vico posts something with “inspection” in it at 7PMish yesterday during the night. 1. Suppose 2 and 5 are linked now, since the natural next one would be 27 instead of 57. 5. I don’t remember what about Gerald Tejero I dreamt about—weird guy from Shekinah who told my sister “you’re not my type.” He was obsessed with sex too. He bragged he had a big dick, and he was tall. The guy in my dream kind of looked like that guy in Love & Anarchy too, the TV series on Netflix about a young guy catching a woman masturbating in her office, and they get into a flirty relationship that’s “hot” because they challenge each other to do all these crazy shit—the anarchy part. It’s an adultery series. I hate it and love it, but I mostly hate it. 1. Tejero is a Spanish occupational surname derived from _teja_ (roof tile), meaning **a maker or seller of tiles or bricks**. It originated in Spain as a, hereditary, trade-based surname during the Middle Ages. It may also refer to a, person involved in weaving, or, in some contexts, to a location with, yew trees. 2. 21. Gerald is a masculine given name of Germanic origin, meaning "[rule of the spear](https://www.google.com/search?q=rule+of+the+spear&biw=1274&bih=776&sca_esv=c792f36581e0cd30&sxsrf=ANbL-n7rxJRrEaLvPUnvu55ZtbRZvZ_DHA%3A1771065793007&ei=wVGQacoIjMjT6Q-rseyJBw&ved=2ahUKEwj7x4DH6NiSAxWFm68BHViVNUUQgK4QegYIAQgAEAQ&uact=5&oq=gerald+name+meaning&gs_lp=Egxnd3Mtd2l6LXNlcnAiE2dlcmFsZCBuYW1lIG1lYW5pbmcyBRAAGIAEMgUQABiABDIFEAAYgAQyBhAAGBYYHjIGEAAYFhgeMgYQABgWGB4yBhAAGBYYHjIGEAAYFhgeMgYQABgWGB4yCxAAGIAEGIYDGIoFSK4cUL8HWLcbcAZ4AJABAJgBlgKgAbIdqgEGMC4zLjE0uAEDyAEA-AEBmAIXoALXHsICCBAAGIAEGLADwgIOEAAYgAQYsAMYhgMYigXCAgsQABiABBiwAxiiBMICCBAAGLADGO8FwgIKECMYgAQYJxiKBcICCxAAGIAEGJECGIoFwgILEAAYgAQYsQMYgwHCAggQABiABBixA8ICERAuGIAEGLEDGNEDGIMBGMcBwgIOEAAYgAQYsQMYgwEYigXCAgoQABiABBhDGIoFwgIQEAAYgAQYsQMYQxiDARiKBcICDRAAGIAEGLEDGEMYigXCAg0QLhiABBixAxhDGIoFwgIKEC4YgAQYQxiKBcICBRAuGIAEwgIKEAAYgAQYFBiHAsICCRAAGIAEGAoYC8ICBhAAGAMYCsICFBAuGIAEGJcFGNwEGN4EGN8E2AEBmAMAiAYBkAYKugYGCAEQARgUkgcGNi4zLjE0oAeP3QGyBwYwLjMuMTS4B5oewgcKMC44LjEzLjEuMcgHgAGACAA&sclient=gws-wiz-serp)" or "[spear ruler](https://www.google.com/search?q=spear+ruler&biw=1274&bih=776&sca_esv=c792f36581e0cd30&sxsrf=ANbL-n7rxJRrEaLvPUnvu55ZtbRZvZ_DHA%3A1771065793007&ei=wVGQacoIjMjT6Q-rseyJBw&ved=2ahUKEwj7x4DH6NiSAxWFm68BHViVNUUQgK4QegYIAQgAEAU&uact=5&oq=gerald+name+meaning&gs_lp=Egxnd3Mtd2l6LXNlcnAiE2dlcmFsZCBuYW1lIG1lYW5pbmcyBRAAGIAEMgUQABiABDIFEAAYgAQyBhAAGBYYHjIGEAAYFhgeMgYQABgWGB4yBhAAGBYYHjIGEAAYFhgeMgYQABgWGB4yCxAAGIAEGIYDGIoFSK4cUL8HWLcbcAZ4AJABAJgBlgKgAbIdqgEGMC4zLjE0uAEDyAEA-AEBmAIXoALXHsICCBAAGIAEGLADwgIOEAAYgAQYsAMYhgMYigXCAgsQABiABBiwAxiiBMICCBAAGLADGO8FwgIKECMYgAQYJxiKBcICCxAAGIAEGJECGIoFwgILEAAYgAQYsQMYgwHCAggQABiABBixA8ICERAuGIAEGLEDGNEDGIMBGMcBwgIOEAAYgAQYsQMYgwEYigXCAgoQABiABBhDGIoFwgIQEAAYgAQYsQMYQxiDARiKBcICDRAAGIAEGLEDGEMYigXCAg0QLhiABBixAxhDGIoFwgIKEC4YgAQYQxiKBcICBRAuGIAEwgIKEAAYgAQYFBiHAsICCRAAGIAEGAoYC8ICBhAAGAMYCsICFBAuGIAEGJcFGNwEGN4EGN8E2AEBmAMAiAYBkAYKugYGCAEQARgUkgcGNi4zLjE0oAeP3QGyBwYwLjMuMTS4B5oewgcKMC44LjEzLjEuMcgHgAGACAA&sclient=gws-wiz-serp)". It is derived from the Germanic elements _ger_ ("spear") and _wald_ ("rule"). Brought to Great Britain by the Normans, the name historically signifies strength and leadership. 22. Another connection _RODGER/ROGER_ 23. Roger is a masculine [given name](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Given_name) and a [surname](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Surname). The given name is derived from the [Old French](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Old_French) personal names **Roger** and **Rogier**. These names are of [Germanic](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Germanic_languages) origin, derived from the elements **hrōd**, _χrōþi_ ("fame", "renown", "honour") and **gār**, **gēr** ("spear", "lance") 1. Ger-ger = sex slang in Bisaya? 1. "Gerger" (often spelled **jerjer** or **ger-ger**) is a slang term in the Philippines, particularly used in Cebuano-speaking regions and Mindanao, that refers to sexual activity. 24. Spear = wand = wishing = fairies = Fae-PHÆ = Faith-PH = Wanda from Fairly Odd Parents 25. I’m being led to focus on Rodger twice, Elliot **"Jehovah is God" or "the Lord is my God,”** who killed at Isla Vista when I was in high school, and Vista 309 in 2023 at 25 years old, when I heard the news about Audrey Hale, and when I heard again the news about Rootselaar in 2026. This is like a fractal—a linkage of meaning that ties it up neatly together. A complete timeline. Except now it’s expressed to grade school person Gerald and Bisaya “ger-ger.” What’s this got to do with grade school? Is this supposed to be “time travel” in a sense? 1. Love & Anarchy = naked dude and masturbating woman and adultery. 2. I want to know the mechanism that led me to grade school again. It took place at Shekinah/The Way, so basically at the “Wolf-path.” Shekinah (or Shekhinah) is a Hebrew name meaning **"[dwelling](https://www.google.com/search?q=dwelling&sca_esv=d7358c9ad4b11281&biw=1274&bih=776&sxsrf=ANbL-n48WXtYi0Ol-7YeI1jLz1QbHQu6UA%3A1771085648286&ei=UJ-QadiUEYnm2roP_uOR8AU&ved=2ahUKEwiY5_6psdmSAxXgrlYBHUljEKYQgK4QegQIARAC&uact=5&oq=shekinah+name+meaning&gs_lp=Egxnd3Mtd2l6LXNlcnAiFXNoZWtpbmFoIG5hbWUgbWVhbmluZzILEAAYgAQYkQIYigUyChAAGIAEGEMYigUyChAAGIAEGEMYigUyBRAAGIAEMgUQABiABDIKEAAYgAQYQxiKBTIGEAAYFhgeMgYQABgWGB4yBhAAGBYYHjIGEAAYFhgeSIgbUL8EWL0acAN4AZABAJgB5QGgAb0dqgEGMC4xMi43uAEDyAEA-AEBmAIWoAKMHsICChAAGLADGNYEGEfCAg0QABiABBiwAxhDGIoFwgIEECMYJ8ICChAjGIAEGCcYigXCAgoQLhiABBhDGIoFwgIOEC4YgAQYsQMY0QMYxwHCAg0QABiABBixAxhDGIoFwgIKEAAYgAQYFBiHApgDAIgGAZAGCpIHBjMuMTEuOKAH8ooBsgcGMC4xMS44uAf-HcIHBjAuMTguNMgHOYAIAA&sclient=gws-wiz-serp)," "[settling,"](https://www.google.com/search?q=settling%2C%22&sca_esv=d7358c9ad4b11281&biw=1274&bih=776&sxsrf=ANbL-n48WXtYi0Ol-7YeI1jLz1QbHQu6UA%3A1771085648286&ei=UJ-QadiUEYnm2roP_uOR8AU&ved=2ahUKEwiY5_6psdmSAxXgrlYBHUljEKYQgK4QegQIARAD&uact=5&oq=shekinah+name+meaning&gs_lp=Egxnd3Mtd2l6LXNlcnAiFXNoZWtpbmFoIG5hbWUgbWVhbmluZzILEAAYgAQYkQIYigUyChAAGIAEGEMYigUyChAAGIAEGEMYigUyBRAAGIAEMgUQABiABDIKEAAYgAQYQxiKBTIGEAAYFhgeMgYQABgWGB4yBhAAGBYYHjIGEAAYFhgeSIgbUL8EWL0acAN4AZABAJgB5QGgAb0dqgEGMC4xMi43uAEDyAEA-AEBmAIWoAKMHsICChAAGLADGNYEGEfCAg0QABiABBiwAxhDGIoFwgIEECMYJ8ICChAjGIAEGCcYigXCAgoQLhiABBhDGIoFwgIOEC4YgAQYsQMY0QMYxwHCAg0QABiABBixAxhDGIoFwgIKEAAYgAQYFBiHApgDAIgGAZAGCpIHBjMuMTEuOKAH8ooBsgcGMC4xMS44uAf-HcIHBjAuMTguNMgHOYAIAA&sclient=gws-wiz-serp) or "[divine presence."](https://www.google.com/search?q=divine+presence.%22&sca_esv=d7358c9ad4b11281&biw=1274&bih=776&sxsrf=ANbL-n48WXtYi0Ol-7YeI1jLz1QbHQu6UA%3A1771085648286&ei=UJ-QadiUEYnm2roP_uOR8AU&ved=2ahUKEwiY5_6psdmSAxXgrlYBHUljEKYQgK4QegQIARAE&uact=5&oq=shekinah+name+meaning&gs_lp=Egxnd3Mtd2l6LXNlcnAiFXNoZWtpbmFoIG5hbWUgbWVhbmluZzILEAAYgAQYkQIYigUyChAAGIAEGEMYigUyChAAGIAEGEMYigUyBRAAGIAEMgUQABiABDIKEAAYgAQYQxiKBTIGEAAYFhgeMgYQABgWGB4yBhAAGBYYHjIGEAAYFhgeSIgbUL8EWL0acAN4AZABAJgB5QGgAb0dqgEGMC4xMi43uAEDyAEA-AEBmAIWoAKMHsICChAAGLADGNYEGEfCAg0QABiABBiwAxhDGIoFwgIEECMYJ8ICChAjGIAEGCcYigXCAgoQLhiABBhDGIoFwgIOEC4YgAQYsQMY0QMYxwHCAg0QABiABBixAxhDGIoFwgIKEAAYgAQYFBiHApgDAIgGAZAGCpIHBjMuMTEuOKAH8ooBsgcGMC4xMS44uAf-HcIHBjAuMTguNMgHOYAIAA&sclient=gws-wiz-serp)"** Derived from the Hebrew root _shachan_ (to reside), it represents the manifested glory of God on earth, particularly in the Tabernacle or among people. It is a feminine, theological term often associated with divine light, nurturing, and intimacy with the divine. 3. This shows something clear about Logos, I forgot. That “spear” got linked through “ger” means that it’s visible and quantifiable/conspicuous enough on that surface/plane/area and somehow it relates back to the spear in ALL_GO. The ending in ALL_GO is that she kills them and herself. That Gerald masturbated I think in the backstage means he “kills himself” too i.e. “little death” for orgasm. It’s funny in one context, tragic in another. In grade school, it’s funny, in early college, it’s tragic, and somewhere further than that, it’s devastating and leads to death. It’s showing me a message all right, that I take suicide seriously and research more about how to really prevent it. Material reasons are almost always the best solution to suicides that are caused by desperation, but I don’t know about emotional pain. At some point the fear or depression is too overwhelming that it’s sometimes the only way out for some people who at the moment don’t see a better option or future anymore. That they can’t see a future anymore, though, is really something to think about. I was like this at some point. I saw no point to life anymore, I had blown every chance I got, I could no longer be forgiven, and that I was being tormented by others and they seemed to hate me, and that I was irredeemably dirty and useless and disgusting and shameful. That’s quite the trauma to live with. 26. According to John 19:34, **a Roman soldier named Longinus pierced Jesus' side with a spear while he hung on the cross to confirm his death, causing blood and water to flow out**. This event, creating one of the Five Holy Wounds, is considered a fulfillment of prophecy and a central, symbolic moment in Christian theology. 27. The **Holy Lance**, also known as the **Spear of Longinus** (named after [Saint Longinus](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Longinus)), the **Spear of Destiny**, or the **Holy Spear**, is alleged to be the [lance](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lance) that pierced the side of [Jesus](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jesus) as he hung on the cross during his [crucifixion](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crucifixion_of_Jesus). As with other [instruments of the Passion](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arma_Christi), the lance is only briefly mentioned in the Christian Bible, but later became the subject of extrabiblical traditions in the [medieval church](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christianity_in_the_Middle_Ages). [Relics](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Relic) purported to be the lance began to appear as early as the 6th century, originally in [Jerusalem](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jerusalem). By the [Late Middle Ages](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Late_Middle_Ages), relics identified as the spearhead of the Holy Lance (or fragments thereof) had been described throughout Europe. Several of these artifacts are still preserved to this day. 1. To make sure that he was dead, a Roman soldier stabbed him in the side. 2. Longinus refers to **the traditional name of the Roman centurion who pierced Jesus Christ's side with a spear during the crucifixion, often known as the "Holy Lance" or "Spear of Destiny"**. The name likely derives from the Greek word _lonche_ (lance) or Latin _longus_ (long). Legend describes him as a convert to Christianity, a martyr, and sometimes a blind soldier healed by Christ’s blood. 3. **Key Details About Longinus:** - **Origin:** While not named in the Bible, the figure appears in the apocryphal _Gospel of Nicodemus_. - **Significance:** Symbolizes both the brutality of the crucifixion and, through his conversion, the possibility of redemption **Pop Culture:** The "Spear of Longinus" frequently appears as a powerful artifact in media like _Neon Genesis Evangelion_, _Constantine_, and various fantasy narratives. - **Pop Culture:** The "Spear of Longinus" frequently appears as a powerful artifact in media like _Neon Genesis Evangelion_, _Constantine_, and various fantasy narratives. **Other References:** The name is also associated with a 3rd-century Greek philosopher and rhetorician, Cassius Longinus. - **Other References:** The name is also associated with a 3rd-century Greek philosopher and rhetorician, Cassius Longinus. 1. If I want to study how to apply prestidigitation, or “The Prestige” teleportation, I start with spears, lances in pop culture, and wands (Harry Potter, Fairly Odd Parents, fairies, wishing). 1. Also a DND reference. 1. [Prestidigitation](https://www.google.com/search?q=Prestidigitation&sca_esv=d7358c9ad4b11281&sxsrf=ANbL-n4J0GMQHaCTp9tnBJWdFL-TSYtw7Q%3A1771086671340&ei=T6OQacnCFIOo2roP887V-AI&biw=1274&bih=776&ved=2ahUKEwjFruzJtNmSAxXDrlYBHcf-KLoQgK4QegQIARAB&uact=5&oq=what+is+prestidigitation+in+dnd&gs_lp=Egxnd3Mtd2l6LXNlcnAiH3doYXQgaXMgcHJlc3RpZGlnaXRhdGlvbiBpbiBkbmQyBRAAGIAEMgYQABgWGB4yBhAAGBYYHjIGEAAYFhgeMgsQABiABBiGAxiKBTILEAAYgAQYhgMYigUyCxAAGIAEGIYDGIoFMgsQABiABBiGAxiKBTIIEAAYgAQYogQyCBAAGIAEGKIESLQjUPADWK8hcAN4AZABApgByAKgAa0zqgEJMC4xNy4xMi4yuAEDyAEA-AEBmAIgoALAL8ICChAAGLADGNYEGEfCAg0QLhiABBiwAxhDGIoFwgIEECMYJ8ICChAjGIAEGCcYigXCAgsQABiABBiRAhiKBcICChAAGIAEGEMYigXCAgoQABiABBgUGIcCwgINEAAYgAQYsQMYFBiHAsICEBAjGPAFGIAEGCcYyQIYigXCAg0QABiABBhDGMkDGIoFwgILEAAYgAQYkgMYigXCAg4QABiABBixAxiDARiKBcICCBAAGIAEGLEDwgIEEAAYA8ICChAAGIAEGEYY-QHCAiQQABiABBhGGPkBGJcFGIwFGN0EGEYY-QEY9AMY9QMY9gPYAQHCAggQABgWGAoYHpgDAIgGAZAGCboGBggBEAEYE5IHBzMuMTUuMTSgB8GtArIHBzAuMTUuMTS4B7UvwgcJMC4xNi4xNS4xyAdygAgA&sclient=gws-wiz-serp) is **a versatile, 1st-level "novice" transmutation cantrip** in D&D 5e available to Bards, Sorcerers, Warlocks, Wizards, and Artificers. It allows spellcasters to perform minor, non-damaging magical tricks—such as cleaning, lighting fires, flavoring food, or creating small, temporary objects/illusions—making it a premier utility spell for roleplay and creative problem-solving. 1. Transmutation related to alchemy = Newton. 1. Apocalypse link. 1. Apocalypto link = Maya raiders with spears 1. In Mel Gibson's 2006 film _Apocalypto_, spears are featured prominently as **one of the primary, brutal weapons used by the Maya raiders to hunt, capture, and execute members of Jaguar Paw's village**. They are central to the film's intense, violent action sequences. 3. The Tejeros Convention, also referred to as the Tejeros Assembly or Tejeros Congress, was a meeting held on March 22, 1897, in San Francisco de Malabon, Cavite, Philippines. [Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tejeros_Convention) 1. Tejeros has “jer” in it. Another spear-like syllable. 4. ALL_GO: 1. Fish also discusses a technique Milton employs in the images constructed in lines 292-4 of Paradise Lost: “His spear, to equal which the tallest Pine / Hewn on Norwegian Hills to be the Mast / Of some great Ammiral, were but a wand.” 2. The result is almost a feat of [emphasis the real author’s] prestidigitation : for the rhetorical negation of the scene so painstakingly constructed does not erase it; we are relieved of the necessity of believing the image true, but permitted to retain the solidity it offers our straining imaginations. Paradoxically, our awareness of the inadequacy of what is described and what we can apprehend provides, if only negatively, a sense of what cannot be described and what we cannot apprehend. Thus Milton is able to suggest a reality beyond this one by forcing us to feel, dramatically, its unavailability (Fish 24-26) 3. Prestidigitation refers to **manual dexterity, sleight of hand, or magic tricks performed skillfully, often to create illusions**. Derived from French and Latin for "quick fingers," this term describes the art of deception through clever, rapid, and often subtle hand movements to astonish an audience. 1. Faint whiff of “The Prestige” which is just teleportation and cloning. Maybe, maybe. What would be the uses? Instant deliveries? Make an exact copy of something like fax? 4. What about wands? And spears? Barbie and the Magic of the Pegasus with Aidan “little fire” in it. I always loved this movie, in equal measure with Barbie Princess and the Pauper. 5. Basically, kneeling towards God, Aella, Muslim, resurrection, Harry Potter, King’s Cross, trains, penis/happiness. Kneeling. Worship. Awe. billow (”undulating”) baggins. LOTR. 1. Maybe this entire Tejero dream has something to do with Norr Weston/billow baggins. Something that relates back to Elliot Rodger and sex. The pain of wanting something so bad and being desperate enough to kill for it. I suppose Norr Weston is neurodivergent too, in a way. Something bout Aella and resurrection and time elapsed. 1992. He was born 1991, Elliot. 1 year before Jesus’ death and Aella birth. What happened one year before all those things? A clue? Preparation time and near-climax. Everything looks pregnant. Aella was 2 months approximately in her mother’s womb when Elliot was born. Jesus? I don’t know yet. Rule of the spear = Gerald = rule of Norr Weston. Bowing towards God. Of course. They all rule up there, but is Norr Weston the Arrival then? They are a big part of the Second Half of the Revelation to me and the rest of the modern world, for such a time as this, and of course, They are honored and rule over whatever I am doing right now. 6. Last dream. I became a millionaire and like Slumdog, I became besties with Vice Ganda and now I had short hair don’t care like some average UP girl with short hair. I have a spirit animal that displays my current avatar’s status, but my real self remains unchanged. That’s what I wrote down. I don’t remember a lot of it, just anxiety, and being unattractive, but becoming rich and besties with Vice Ganda????????? ### Ruminations 🩻 1. Well, if there’s any way to Jesus material instantiation—shrinking down an eternal all-powerful Being into a compacted singularity of a human body, so limited and frail compared to a literal God, it’s the trans people that’s a giant clue. Personally, that’s what the “Divine message” of this Rootselaar fiasco has taught me even if it wasn’t intentional. God will use Their shenanigans for good anyway even if people died—not in vain, perhaps, I hope not. It’s because I was too focused on the trans man, I forgot about the trans woman in the equation. I can never deeply empathize with them because I want to be a “more powerful” feminine, but in stark contrast, they want to surrender their “masculine” and trade it in for a feminine, a lower plane (supposedly more limited, I assume, and “smaller” status than man’s). They are basically surrendering their masculine power, their status, their strength, their penises, the material symbol of their manhood. Why? Come to think of it, I don’t see sense in wanting to become a man, or male. I don’t know why yet. I will give this thought more room. Maybe it’s a giant flag for a reason. The day I can virtually live this out in my own head and try it out—a homologous situation—then I will understand fully the meaning of it, just like emotional glory day. 2. I didn’t really mean that “sharper than anything the God of this universe could have ever thought of.” I was just really feeling my specialness. I hope They’re not offended. Sorry, God. You designed me, I am working exactly as You had planned before time. I wonder if God knows how it all ends anyway, does it still bring them satisfaction to watch us all come to be aware of everything, and fulfilling all of Their plans “blindly” or linearly. I suppose this is the situation, maybe. 3. Weird oddity 2. I was searching for Vico’s audio with the mass transportation and landed on 4 Non Blonde’s song “What’s Up” which to my mind has the same gestalt as Kim Carnes. My mind went immediately to “blondie hunger” re: Elliot Rodger’s sorority girl fixation (or was that another incel). This is about Elliot anyway, my dream from the other day. Why is everything seemingly pointing towards “My Biggest Star” so far. It’s porn, language stuff, beauty, sex, and incelhood/incelism, and I suppose Godhead et al. too. This is an organic “synchron” (I want to shorten it to synchron, as synchronicity is a mouthful, so now it’s just synchron) that Vico could not have predicted, but he did lead me to AWANA i.e. Pan-African colors red, green, yellow. Such Indian mango colors. 1. I am still very much disturbed by Rootselaar. I don’t want to think too hard about it, but I already am. You mean to say these Angels are so powerful, that they manage to control people’s minute movements? A child victim being led to the right place in the right time, at the exact spot where Audrey Hale’s eyes would land, to shoot them dead. All their whims and tiny micro-actions—controlled down to the breath, like choreography. SO I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER MY BODY NOW??????????????????? EVERYTHING ABOUT IT IS SO FUCKING INSANE. Just ruminating about this is insanity already. Angels are not anthropomorphic, they are possibly EVEN SCARIER THAN ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE SURVEILLANCE!!!!!!!!!!! THEY KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU AND ARE SEAMLESSLY CONTROLLING EVERY MOVEMENT YOU MAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IS THERE FREE WILL AT ALL???????????????????????????????? 1. A case about spirit possession. I need to update my knowledge of Angelhood. They are not separate Beings from us. They are us!!! We are them!!! Kind of!!!!! They have no bodies, but they can mimic us and control our movements and whims and thoughts, and can insert their spirits into us for maybe a window of time when we are more porous (probably in a panic state, or an agitated state). If anything, those things being seen by schizophrenic people may just be a clue to the multiverse (ghosts and shadows from outside our universe), and not Angels themselves. Angels might be so alien to us too, that they are not visible at all, but they are everywhere, and they can make you do things you may not want to do, make you feel things and enhance and heighten emotions already there. Maybe bipolar disorder really is just a “chink in the armor” where Angels can insert themselves easier and enhance or heighten depression or mania to levels unknown before in any normal or neurotypical human brain. 2. Yeah, implied_author, aside from a life path, the “breath of God” is probably the ability to hold stuff like a spirit pocket or vase. You can insert anything in it, like a spirit (water) or a magic plant (dirt+seed). They can enter us, we are porous to the angelic realm now. I knew I wasn’t insane for thinking I was porous. That exact vocabulary, being porous, being “hole-y” full of holes like cheese. ### Random(x) 🕳️ 1. People underestimate the amount of influence “mimetic desire” manages to take effect in people’s lives. Say, a couple has fallen out of love or there is no spark or novelty anymore. Once their partner starts receiving attention from another person, it’s like, they get back to trying to win them again and discovering just what about their partner is exciting to the new person trying to get them. They get the drive to explore their partner again like the first time. There is a new level now, all because a stranger got inserted into their lives. Someday, you can have a solution like this with “plausibly real bot or human” company or service that tries to date your partner for you, and they get to unlock areas of their life formerly unknown to you. It’s a gamified relationship now. What about your partner does the robot/human (50/50 chance so it’s uncertain) know that you don’t, what access don’t you have like them, what parts of them does the bot/human unlock that you can’t. It’s gonna feed that drive to constantly maintain a relationship seamlessly—the drive to do it in the first place, you cannot capture that once you get “locked down” or “commitment” anymore, so external solutions must be there. I think I just solved a major problem in relationships. It’s just gonna take capital and a person willing to invest in the idea, who isn’t polyamorous and is staunchly monogamous (or probably cheated on and has a chip on their shoulder about it—bonus), but is willing to be slippery a little to get to a behavior that you want to encourage. 1. Since it’s Valentine’s Day today!! HOORAY!!! FOR COMPROMISE!!!!! 2. Oh, and don’t forget, since you never know anyway how many humans this company hires to take over “rounds” or “shifts” for robots hired everywhere in the world, it will seem real enough, but not to the levels of cheating outright. 2. There really aren’t enough hours in the day!!!! Why oh why do I get a craving to watch all the videos and read all the books at 10:52PM?! I need coffee! And another hit of Vico Sotto being slyly naughty please!!! # What did she mean by this? Idk what letter of the YMCA I’m supposed to be. Ran out of ideas for sporty poses. ![[February 14, 2026-1782475815710.webp]] I’m pointing at that leaf like I’m about to pee on it. WTF. It’s quite obvious I had no idea what I was doing. ![[February 14, 2026-1782475855385.webp]]