### Hermeneutics/Semiotics/Psychophysics/Puso’y Dos Tres ⛰️ In _Slumdog Millionaire_ (2008), the line "God is great!" (or "Allah-hu-Akbar") is **spoken by the older Salim Malik just before he dies**. After killing the gangster Javed and helping Latika escape, Salim bathes in cash and ultimately accepts his fate with this phrase, marking a pivotal moment of redemption and finality in the film. “Lieutenant General.” ### Dreams 🧫 I’m alive at 9:56AM. Mike followed “Princess Light” name meaning. Faint association with my “expected me to come out as light.” Wow. I even felt catharsis and cried. They are reading me now. I cannot reset anymore. This is why I’m so ashamed of writing my dreams down because I really woke up in the middle of the night—no, 5:30AM I think, because I got a good cluster of dreams that were so bizarrely sex-related and weird. I’m already shameless and I’m still ashamed to write it down. What could possibly disturb me now? Yeah, my set of dreams last night. Maybe later. It’s not pedophilia. It’s just really embarrassing. ### Ruminations 🩻 1. Standard = Kanye’s “I Am a God” and Willow’s emo girl or The Willowlands lone 2 songs “especially for me.” 2. I’m losing weight for no reason again. I became 53 kg in 2022-23 because I suddenly stopped taking Depakote (it was causing all the weight gain for years affecting my liver probably), started getting “brain zaps” from withdrawal, and started going hard on Armodafinil (it is like cocaine but lite lite), managing to complete 4 courses in one semester, a real miracle. I was attractive and on top of my academic work and I even dipped my toes into becoming a spokesperson because the increased confidence made me able to turn off the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex (DLPFC) part of my brain like an actor. I’m actually 56.something now. So I still want to be 53kg just to feel nice about my face. My most recent picture is the dirty mirror one. ### Songs 🎤 I’m not much of a shoegaze or emo fan anymore, but I’ve got to hand it to Sabby’s drummer, Daine Rhythm Daling, who had perfect Davao conyo English I think, on Twitter at the time in 2019, and also recommended Joji, Turnover, Citizen, Balance And Composure. Whatever this music is, it’s my type currently. I like electronica but I cannot find the good ones like how Vico does it. <iframe data-testid="embed-iframe" style="border-radius:12px" src="https://open.spotify.com/embed/track/5f4cJRc2JpB92ljQRJeA6K?utm_source=generator&si=da877b0e38294837" width="100%" height="352" frameBorder="0" allowfullscreen="" allow="autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; fullscreen; picture-in-picture" loading="lazy"></iframe> #### Sensations/Body Stuff 🫟 Sensation coming back with music. I feel mini-orgasms just listening to them. Horny is the key to music lol. I’m not easily forgetting that “crazy, crazy, crazy…” audio. God help me. Like, this is so foreign to me, this man and that he’s different from what I expect, and that he’s just different from me, this fact, this tension that he is a separate person who is not my own self propelling these feelings plausibly intentionally in my body, and that he knows exactly what he’s doing, that I can surrender control over it for once and let him do it to me. Now all the songs are hitting again. ### Morning Pages ⚜️ Just re-read my entire CW 200 page Unreal Image. One thing’s for sure, I was brilliant already before Dihexa. Even too brilliant in a different way. I don’t know what changed. I constantly mutate and I never can predict what my brain comes up with. I was always sane, shifted in an “insane” register. I was talking sense all the time. People hate the truth. People cannot stand it. They are all weak. They prefer Discourse/Narrative all the time and Fantasy even more. They are not me. I can stand the Truth with a capital T and this is why, perhaps, one of the biggest reasons why, it’s my strength and why I was practically the only choice for this Norr Weston manifestations: I do not run away from discomfort, not the Real World kind anyway. I confront it because it is logical to my mind to confront it instead of deny. Discomfort is a gateway to a pearl. Always, imbibe this. You were chosen for a reason. You can stand glory. You should and ought to feel responsible over that ability. You cannot be a wimp when it matters. The glories of this world never mattered. It was pain and trauma that made you sharper than anything the God of this universe could have ever thought of. You dissociate because your system cannot stand fantasy not when it knows the truth deep down. ## OMG WHY…Not embarrassing actually, idgaf, this was after I died in March-May 2022 when I took CW 199 for the first time under Ma’am Marby and exposed him; still, Clovis/Jesus showed up in my dreams as if I was justified. Also, this was when the Heaven Lotto decided to land on my molester—she kissed my forehead too in desperation. ![[February 13, 2026-1782475531643.webp]]