### Hermeneutics/Semiotics/Psychophysics/Puso’y Dos Tres ⛰️ 1. Noted that you don’t have to be attracted to 9th and 10th Duodenity Persons (it doesn’t apply to me with Mike or Audrey anyway lol). If you aren’t/weren’t erotically fixated on the “power dynamic” part, then use your mentor’s expression of sin, it could be anything, to highlight the Satan-integrated part of the 9th, 10th, 11th, and 12th Persons of the Duodenity. ### Dreams 🧫 No dreams. 1. Dream from yesterday, song reference: “Love Will Take You” by Angus and Julia Stone. Angus is a traditional Scottish and Irish masculine name derived from the Gaelic _Aonghas_, meaning **"one choice," "unique choice," or "one strength"**. Originating from Celtic, it is historically linked to a 9th-century Pictish king and the Irish mythological god of love and youth, Oengus. The name Stone is primarily a masculine, English-origin name meaning "**dweller by the rocks**" or "stone," derived from the Old English word _stān_. It originated as a topographic surname for someone living near a notable rock formation or boundary marker, representing strength, stability, and nature-inspired endurance. 2. On the salon-condo lobby dream: Well, I came to this interpretation after seeing Vico’s story about the tricycles. I see how “salon” could mean women trying to get more beauty so that they get condos or wait to get married/hitched/get in a relationship to get access to a condo. I suppose that’s a great way to interpret this dream. Its socioeconomic dimension. People forget beauty is capital too. It’s how people, especially women, advance in society and become upwardly mobile by preening so that they get the attention of men who may have money to buy a condo like in Berkeley. So it’s an amalgamation of these things. I guess with tricycles and the new terminal, people trying to get better houses or homes. I’m glad Vico is helping them materially by making their lives easier, safer, and more convenient. 3. Q.E.D. from Julia Dream with 2 Paolo references (2 cousins mom and dad’s side: Athena = Marko; Pauleen = Paolo). I may have finished or on-the-way to finish Paolo “small and humble” phase, I’m also doing Marko “war or wisdom” phase, all that’s left is Manalo phase? Somehow, win = win the whirl(win)d resonating “victory of the people” with Angel_GO and writing more about Aella_Girl’s Satanic nature in Satan First Corporation; also Manalo = Pepito Manaloto = gambling? Casino? Lotteries? Lotteries in Hell? The afterlife? Boy! I don’t want to dream of dead people. I don’t even want to know the answer to my question, specifically, did Kurt(KURT(?)—WOLF again) Telow or that intellectually challenged guy from Shekinah who died of meningitis go to Hell? Or is he in Heaven now? What is the age of accountability? Are intellectually disabled people automatically never launched on that path? He was more of a teenager to me but he kind of looked like an adult already. Even Franz Erfe from Shekinah too, a 20-year-old who just managed to be so weird it’s like he was able to talk coherently in English, but still not according to neurotypical patterns where he would exist in his own world (but he still had a sex drive—dangerous, he pursued an underage girl named Tonika who was also intellectually disabled who seemed to like the attention). Come to think of it, Shekinah was known as _that_ school that lumped “abnormal” students together with neurotypical students and expected them to interact normally together. 4. I’m just so hungry for another “booming” vision in hypnagogia even though it’s scary/spooky. I wonder if I could get a vision of Heaven (or maybe even Hell), or an answer or clue about time travel. ### Ruminations 🩻 1. Will starve myself off music for a week. No more magic with music. Time to recharge frisson. I don’t know if my brain just got used to the input. It is an impossible problem. I would like to always be affected by music I loved. ADHD problems. Too much of a good thing = doom. How come I never feel this way with The Hunger Games though? There is always something new to find in that universe. Novelty, surprise, new levels unlocked, speculation and mysteries that are never answered but only hinted at and speculated by fandom, I suppose it’s the group hype leaking into me too, now that _Sunrise on the Reaping_ is coming to theaters soon. ### Sensations/Body Stuff 🫟 Winded after 2 minutes of HIIT. Something is terribly wrong with my body today. I felt like dying. I’ve been doing this for a long while and nothing is improving. ### Random(x) 🕳️ Looking like a hot mess in a random park in QC (forgot where though, completely deleted this wanderlust phase from my memory). ![[February 11, 2026-1782474900791.webp]] ### Morning Pages ⚜️ My dysphoria is a lot more pronounced today. No idea. I wasn’t triggered by anything. I am just easily distractible and really a perfectionist when it comes to aesthetics. Cannot stand my own face even. It makes my skin crawl. Dysphoria is so taxing mentally. If I was a man, I wouldn’t even think twice of how I look. I could just whole-ass my personality and intelligence and I wouldn’t give a shit at all about how I look. I have wasted 2 hours just meditating on the idea that I could somehow get all of the surgeries I want after graduation. When I can’t even get myself to do the bare minimum today (did HIIT though and meditation, so there’s that). Somebody visited my “Supporting Women’s Wrongs” link on my website yesterday at 1:00PM. Is that supposed to tell me something? Did I get an “uno” for decrypting Audrey Hale? I hope so. Or is that an inside joke (a 1.00 is a failing grade in the US—where the visit was from) because a 1.00 is a perfect grade in UP. On the bright side, I can’t wait to get started on writing about the food in BOBOBEE. Biko and jelly milk, LOL. The inside of the restaurant must be a throwback to 2000s culture, when my story is set ideally in 2077. For this story, I’m a 79-80 year-old widow whiling away my remaining days in a restaurant I am fond of, and will make a cameo in the story spouting conspiracy theories with my only friend Grigori, a cyborg former chemist from China who fought in the Great Sino-American War of 2027-32. — Impromptu weekend in the middle of the week. I’m just so…tired. Burnout incoming if I don’t veg out for a while. Something about figuring out evolutionary stuff and Audrey Hale mystery should feel like celebrating with something better than today, with me just trying to grind my mind off. I ate 5 small bananas today. I’m the healthiest unhealthy person I know. Afternoon munchies. — Rewatching Nodame Cantabile. I forgot how lowkey funny this series is. I even picked up a few of its vocabulary unconsciously. “Numbskull.” I now remember the park! Quezon Memorial Circle. See? I’m not a dunderhead!! I went for a free photoshoot in my “modeling” phase in 2023. _cringe_ — Re-reading my other filled notebooks full of…gibberish-but-not-really. — I would just like to know what happened with my Anita dream. It’s just too uncanny at the moment. I don’t know how to explain it in LOGOS terms. Let’s see. My brain absorbed some “meaning” from the Logotome… through strong emotion (I remember crying when I woke up because of Power Puff), and I landed on Anita because the internet result of Anita (a potential webpage in the servers of Google in a data center in the US—apparently it transcends distance) leads to three people synchronous with my life meanings and events and somehow it also knows of my strong feelings and memories with Ma’am Marby and Sydney—especially 2018 and subsequent 2022 (link because I remember submitting stories by then because of her) and then Ma’am Marby in 2022 and 2023. That kind of leads me to think there is a storehouse of my memories and feelings out there—just being “massaged” by this Pinball-type route being maneuvered by a…force (maybe GODHEAD? working behind the scenes to lead me to speculate about the oddity) so that it resonates in my dream so clearly that I really had to land on “Anita” (not even an image of her body or face) and the bronze nameplates. The “People up there” watching me knew I would connect Anita with my very own Lore from my past, or is it like, a type of gravity or “Hugot” where my actions and thoughts were inevitable anyway—the implied_author working as planned by GODHEAD before time began. I want to be taken seriously by the philosophy of science people and math people. What better way to do that but come up with my own math for it? I just need to get basic and mid-level math. How will they ever know my theories have weight if they don’t try it themselves? If the equations show proof of concept, then they might be convinced to try it out. I just don’t think anecdotes and stories are _that_ powerful to influence people into accepting a radical change in their worldviews. I must be biased already since I’m the one living out all of its consequences. Little do I know I sound like a crackpot. I’m once again starting over. I have no clue where to start with this math. I don’t even remember derivatives and antiderivatives now even though I passed Math 53. What kind of scientific evidence do I even have at this point? Whoever comes up with the math becomes the strongest candidate, I fear. Maybe start with geometry. It might lead to graphical representations to give you clues about its type of math needed. I need to have a scale of some sort to measure how strong or accurate or significant a meaningful “signal” or synchronicity is, if I even know what I’m measuring in the first place. I need statistics again. Dread. Those p-values or something. I also need a scale to measure other people’s synchronicities. It’s just not enough (for me personally) to rely on strong feelings of recognition. It’s just not…weighty enough, even though it’s personally very meaningful already. It’s too subjective to be measured, I know, but there must be a point where it _can_ be measured. Maybe the quality, not the quantity. A quality scale. Intensity of the synchronicity, the “sharpness” or clarity of a meaning—not just random “lucky” connections made haphazardly. There must be a system, a common language, a common vocabulary, common strategies of interpretation so everybody is on the same page about what it all means, but somewhere there is going to be new input because of ambiguity and creativity again, of course, and you allow for that too. How am I even going to get started on this? — Ate a Jollibee hotdog a while ago (a moment on the lips…) and took armodafinil 1/2. 2/12/26 10:48PM (Edit: it’s the whole Bible! Not only Isaiah) I’m underestimating the amount of things I discovered “accidentally.” I’m not brilliant, just lucky. I really had to push past 8 and 10. And now 12, and apparently that’s the right number because of the amount of wolves in the Bible too. And 12 tribes. And 12 apostles. And 12 found everywhere, in Arrival, being a perfect number divisible by 2,3,4,6, being better than 8 and 10 apparently. But I really just pushed it to 12 because of Vico’s post about Books, books, books and the timestamp, 12:11PM (countdown leading me to wonder…). No reason. Random reason I would have no way to predict anyway. And I even had to put Lola + Granddaughter for Annie Blumhouse in the first place because I noticed he had posted about that 100-year-old lady named Clarita, and I thought, Clara from my story, but aged up? What if both? See? All of my “discoveries” when you really look at it, are accidental. Most of them anyway, have no cause but random choices being led by “random” posts, and I would have not arrived at Annie Blumhouse/Clarita Villegas being Mary Archetype if I hadn’t been exposed to that post of his, just because I think Mary is a grandmother-type now that GODHEAD must have thought she possessed an abundance of Wisdom like Sophia and also because hypothetically, if I was a Mary-type, the physical feature I specifically have are bunions, which are normally only found on grandmothers. So thanks, if that was intentional, still thanks if not. I wouldn’t be here without them. GODHEAD must be using him somehow because he’s a salient input source according to my brain. None of the others post _that_ much anyway. I wonder why. Not even the most chronically online people can match how much Vico posts stories LOL. I wonder how he does it, being disciplined and being chronically online too, probably. I guess he has a social media team, but his posts seem personal anyway. — I want a guy to feel that Cup of Joe song, “Multo” for me someday… not like in a narcissist way. Would be nice that I’d cross his mind or distract him somehow sometimes. If I already feel like that for Vico (I haven’t even seen him in real life LOL, though I see him all the time online with people posting videos of him and of course, his plausibly deniable—yet suspiciously relevant—stories), I wonder what I’d be like in real life. It’s hard to roleplay when you’re actually not even trying to roleplay. It’s just way too easy to slip into it, and it feels too real sometimes it even hurts—that it’s too unreal to be true, that is. Maybe I’m just a romantic deep down and I’m in denial again. I don’t even know what that entails. Yeah, this is a nice…distracting…_drug addiction_. Love is an acceptable drug because everybody is even expected to partake in it to get married and birth various types of childrens and munchkins who look like you and your loved one. I wonder why all the movies romanticize it and how MTRCB doesn’t go after love teams more. They’re skirting the line all the time making teens hunger for that onscreen chemistry no person on Earth can simulate _all the time_. Just a bunch of perfectly cut and edited scenes and actors paid to act their best and basically _lie with their bodies and facial expressions_ for money… Well, he did post about Pasig and the river confluence and valleys. What must be the driest textbook stuff but how is it relevant again aside from it being related to Pasig? I’m only 70% sure and maybe 80% sure because of the “verses of a gloomy religious character” (I think I was writing about horror and being sad) and that vague “hugging couple” shape on the map. Mariquina for “Marikit-na.” Sweet if true. I don’t know how he found it, it must have been difficult to find that passage about rivers and valleys being synchronously relevant to me being “drained” by the River Mariquina. That could mean anything, but why put all that effort if he didn’t at least find me interesting enough…maybe my theories and insanity with the confluence and the Cagayan River, “River River.” And if they have been really following me or reading me, then they know I was led by Bruce Alano and basketball to The Willowlands’ songs, so relevant to my life right now, especially the “take me to the river, drown me in your time.” This will all make sense someday. It’s not my job to worry about these things. I need to graduate first. Silly me. Just wanted to get something off my chest. I feel so behind and now I have extra responsibility being an emissary of some sort for something I unwittingly started—maybe only after GODHEAD gave the go-signal. I’m still in denial that words have power now. Sometimes it certainly feels like there isn’t anything happening. But my dreams clearly show me data. Or meaning, actually. And sometimes, I do land somewhere, just like figuring out the exact connections between the Biblical Creation story and evolution. Nobody got there yet except me, I guess. I ought to be proud. I am, but it still feels hollow. I have no one to celebrate it with. Not even my parents know about it, not like they care, because they literally believe in Adam and Eve probably. I need to formalize my essay about it. It could win me an award and grant me more authority in a way. Nobody is going to buy my book if they don’t already know me as the first person who discovered how Adam and Eve could plausibly be real in the sense that it is actually relevant to ALL OF IT. The Bible’s themes about idolatry, art, history, language, movement, God as the Word. If anyone steals my ideas they’re going to go down in history and the GODHEAD’s permanent LOGOS plot as “person who stole Abby’s life’s work,” so they got that going for them, unoriginal pricks. I hope nobody has talked too seriously about it yet, else I can’t get there first. I have the right to—it’s mine. I’ll probably humiliate the person who steals my ideas. You can’t do that to me, not while ya’ll already violate me in a sense anyway reading me right now. Whoever comes out with a book with this exact line of thought, I will find out who talked anyway. No, what am I going on about? Nobody reading me is a fellow theologian who is a hardcore Christian would steal…or would they? I don’t know, maybe if my readers actually gossip about me, they would accidentally spread me to the _right_ person who may write something about it because they think it’s a common idea now. No it is not. It is an original thought that required massive amounts of work despite only coming in a day. I had been meditating on it ever since Vico posted that “What a Wonderful World” song with the “Sankapandahan” pandas no longer being extinct. That was over two months ago I think. I remember talking about evolutionary Creation even then. I hope the next Berggruen prize is about religion next year. It’s probably the only way now. I really hope to GODHEAD I get lucky again. I also have to steel myself against coming up with a potentially groundbreaking idea again once I get neck deep into other people’s opinions making me think it’s impossible. Like, for time travel. I would have never gotten here if it weren’t for…ignorance (relatively). I haven’t read a lot of the EC literature. I just woke up after a while of gestating on the idea that there must be an integration of evolution and Creation. The eureka came after AV I think. AV Cruz. What about it? Audiovisual. And false representations of the Real Thing…very idolatrous in the first place, which is the first commandment. So relevant to porn too…you know, my other big star. > The first commandment of God, from the [**Ten Commandments**](https://www.catholicity.com/baltimore-catechism/lesson16.html), is: **"I am the Lord thy God; thou shalt not have strange gods before Me"** (Exodus 20:2-3). You know what? I don’t regret joining Bible memory now in grade school. It’s still very much baked into my skeleton now. I’m a Bible memory champion. I know my Bible, despite having gaps. I could be very useful to progressive Christianity if they let me take the reins over something. Not even McGrath could have the honor of being the first to unify motherfucking Evolution Grandmama theory and the FREAKING BIBLE CREATION STORY. ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY PICKED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I really hope this isn’t my last hurrah or something. It could very well be, knowing how unlikely it was that I’d come to this conclusion if I didn’t have AV in the background and some aphantasia theory hanging in the background too and some leftover Real World/Real Thing representation of art notion hanging around in the back of my mind too. A hankering to change my GODHEAD into Godhead only. Too much change will not sit right with people. I’m already disrupting their Trinity, all the more their manners for daring to type in ALL CAPS like a Gen Alpha wannabe!!!! --- # hey wait a MINUTE Why do I feel like…._I’m the butt of the joke OMG!!!!!_ I’m the caricature in his “horny bastard” post with the space theme and the “incomprehensible” dream(?) or Notion being fed to AI in its entirety… you know. Giving sex advice and marriage tips and whatnot even though I’m single and a virgin who knows too much about it I could give a dissertation without preparing. Why would he be into space in the first place? He’s assigning my traits to his “Vico” AI picture??????? OH GOD!!!! NOOOOOO!!!!! Or is it like… I’m THE HORNY-ASS BASTARD given how much I write about my body IN MY DIARY!!!!! WHICH YA’LL ARE READING FOR SOME REASON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Is this a reference to how many OSDD alters I may possibly have? 8? 10? Who is counting? I don’t feel split at all though. I feel somewhat “one whole” only even though I dissociate sometimes. Nobody is really congratulating me for discovering the Adam and Eve and evolution connection except maybe Audrey and her philosophy post and maybe Vico with his audio in the Pasig City Police Station story with the “crazy, crazy, crazy…” audio. Idk. I’m taking it!!!! I need the hype!!!!!!! I hope it’s not a bland discovery. I feel like I landed somewhere but maybe it’s possibly bigger than I think. I should read more about the connections between sociology and Bible stuff because maybe that’s where I’ll find some similar ideas maybe already available online not in the evolutionary creation crowd (they seem awfully vague about it and don’t know anything about feminist critical theory and art). Now I can’t wait to get started on how the Divine Holy Spirit helps select the sperm for the “blind” Sophia egg. That was my idea. I’ll probably develop it after February 13. I hope the answer leads me somewhere near Mary, specifically how the Holy Spirit selected the sperm for her in the first place—a random man or a real miracle? — It was barely a month ago though I felt it was 2 months ago because in my mind it was “around late December.”