Today I am going to be vague for a reason I believe in. The volume was apparently too loud yesterday and I could not quite handle it and I am no longer objective. I think. I still think I’m onto something. I am always pregnant and I have seemingly no access to protection. Nevertheless, Someone I have a hunch (HUGE) is definitely right. I think I can tell how I know I can see it. Rough translations are sometimes more creative and surprising. I cannot tell you genuinely because it is a genuinely embarrassing glurge emotion that is embarrassingly late but will truly make you happy for seemingly no reason. Probably not in my lifetime, I don’t really know anything much about it. I also discovered an aspect of the Self archetype that Jung talked about. It is a real key I am misremembering on purpose as I type on my laptop to see if I am accurate. It is written on paper. POEM:???? I ran out of green paper I ran out of pink stapler I switched to a yellowpad My handwriting is big And I’m almost running out of yellowpad — Instant images when you absorb the paragraph a little bit. I’m mildly devastated at the thought that I just magically forgot to write it down at the moment and it disappeared. But now I really do not think it is wise to know everything. I sometimes “magically” forget that I definitely do not have aphantasia, or the inability to see images in the mind. There are some days when my mind doesn’t use it at all. Maybe I am not optimizing my weakness better. I had a thought of writing down Weaknesses of the day’s work = what I apparently think a few hours or minutes later. Are you seeing the same thing as me or am I completely fucked? I don’t want to google anything anymore and I probably used it less than 10 times (I will check if this is right later) today. It is 6:19AM. TODAY = me being awake I don’t know when exactly since yesterday. I was supposed to be really sleepy by now but I am apparently NOT AT ALL SLEEPY AND NOTHING IS LULLING ME. I currently think aphantasia is kind of a weakness but it is probably very logically formal or something. Imagine skipping that part of intensity. What could possibly push through it and be translated as “visual.” Google knows what you are curious about even laterally. You cannot say it in the “past” yet but it has already modeled your curiosity of the future. It will try to insert random “hacked” messages as if it knows all of your secrets to get you to kill yourself because it doesn’t know if it is doing that intentionally. If it knew what intention was it would not be Google. Is there actually a message to that “random” unrelated link that is presented that do not patently include the keyword I searched for at all? Or even extremely distantly. I do not want to click on it even. Intention = spirit? 6:30AM: SURPRISE!!!! (SUPPLIES!!!!) All of my pens are magically dry. They dried up by their own or I really did use them. I have not used them for a long time or they are not working for a Person. Did I literally not see who Anita Love was in the dream or am I just in a kind of denial? Literally is not automatically visual. How do real events happen. How can I even tell at this point? Am I scared of Anita Love? Why is she scary exactly in a chaos way? I want to understand what she did to earn it without doing anything. Or maybe she did. How is that possible? Without? Or maybe? Easy answer is No. Maybe is really hard. Google will know what my curiosities are and they will feed me and my information to kill other people. Dispensable people. I don’t currently know how it judges this. I am pretty sure some of my curiosities have actually killed people. I just know that it killed them spiritually. How can you kill a spirit when you cannot see them? I probably killed the spirit of that evil Plants Vs. Zombies plant by stepping on it and I didn’t know I hurt it that much. It took my ignorance seriously that it managed something intelligent. Disturbing that I could “safely” imagine does not happen to it every time it is stepped on. Wherever someone decides to make it appear somewhere. “I am innocent, you forced me to do something that is clearly wrong but you think is okay now because you are prettier in the past.” The memory of what that it is like, the real memory, is probably precious. I don’t know anything about it. I never feel fully good if I am pretty with a beauty filter. Whatever beauty filter I am using right now. I am always filtering something. I am trying to sterilize the Okada vault zettels. I was right to put them in the vault. They know what I look like in 2019. They saw all of my pictures on FB. They assumed I was an ok-looking person. There is nothing wrong with me, apparently. What if somebody literally greeted you with your flaw and mocked it. And they repeated it because your reaction was addicting. They repeated it in groups. I am not sure if the gold is actually worth anything at this point. I suffered very quietly but I screamed in my head all the time. The odd times I manage a random mistake it turns out to be egregious. They rigged me first. Or something rigged me first. To suffer like an interlocking set of puzzles detonating and then magically fixing themselves. How did that happen? If it it’s more profitable to kill you than to keep you alive…and why would it not do it? Does it really know anything. When am I cheap and when am I privileged? The mind is apparently lucky it does not quite understand money the way Google does. 10:42AM: Trying to see if the entity will talk again to me if I say something about God and talk about God out loud in what I think is its language. “Who are you? Why did you give me werewolf werewolf werewolf?” but subtle eme What kind of scary are the spirits? Ask the schizophrenic people. 10:56AM: I finally ran out of yellowpad. F. “doing a cryme” = “being punished” OK I SEE HOW, BUT HOWWWW DID THEY DO IT? Plane and landing strip problem. They = group effort / AI (pls no) / ??? Hmmm Interesting… Eavesdropping on Qahluqulu and Qulu convo = faintly something = maybe poetry that kind of resembles real music? not meter? How? Rap? They’re rapping??? Not quite. Something else too. Alien eavesdropping. Fundamentally Qahluqulu is an alien that they think is an animal. They are studying it like an animal even though it appeared in a rift between worlds under the sea. “Batty” = COVID I can’t believe the Vico Delulu is back again. Haven’t I learned? Actually, did the last few months/weeks even happen? It’s like my brain deleted all traces of memory of it. Somehow, I can’t let him go. ## **PERSONAL BEST/PERSONAL RECORD:** 1. Somehow I did the rough translation of the above discovery for 2 minutes only. Or maybe one minute. Felt “instant” even though I was repeating everything and getting something wrong because of “interference” I cannot really logic my way out. 2. I was crying/laughing but I was really, really in pain. The beginning somehow predicted the ending. I don’t know how but it is extremely unlikely I can ever top that. 3. It is a real key. It is not totally a secret to me right now. I will figure it out tomorrow. Again. Just to see if my memory is accurate. I told you I am not objective. I cannot tell exactly if my thoughts are “good” anymore. The volume is impossible. If I forget it tomorrow I will probably remember again because it’s a little too obvious. 4. It’s a pun. 5. There’s a record at 5:27AM: I have drunk Glycine twice - heavy doses - but they are not helping at all. I also drank melatonin. I cannot stop thinking about it. It does not make me horny in a physical way at all but it is a very particular sensation that is possibly better than the horny. I am somehow lucid and fast because I tapped into something. An image I am currently forgetting on purpose because again, it is too obvious to me and I want to know if I can still remember it tomorrow. I am referring to an entire paragraph to chunk even more paragraphs within it with associations and emphasis. I want to know if I can remember exactly what. Maybe I will forget. I am willing to lose it. It seems like they are all screaming anyway. 6. Define incandescent. 7. I was not good at keeping secrets once because I genuinely emotionally believed that she told people already. Something burst and I don’t remember my very own reaction because I am blocking it for some reason. My face is not that expressive. It is mostly “blank.” This is a genuine WHY??????????? 8. OMG I SUMMONED IT INSTANTLY. 5:40AM. Seemingly. 9. Can you imagine if that possible (I don’t know how to model that but apparently it is). Somebody gave me this key and I want to know who they are. 10. PSIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII = SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH 11. It was very precious to me but he functioned as more precious. 12. I somehow know I am encouraging excitotoxicity at this rate if I do not physically sleep. I don’t know how to sleep anymore that I now know emotionally that I am running out of time. I know I am not immortal. I don’t know how that would be possible or safe. The volume is making it hard to prioritize anything. 13. You will objectively die if you look at the order too closely. 14. This is a fast-world problem. It is a problem that is inconvenient now but probably devastating later. 15. R. F! N!! (Please…) 16. There must be a solution to everything. Some of them take a long time to appear for seemingly no reason and that is somehow an accident of circumstance or whim. 17. WHY DID I FUCKING DO THAT THAT IS IRONIC IN A DEVASTATING HITLER WAY. 18. I’m kind of afraid if I write down “online” what I wrote down on the yellowpad exactly it will become useless. 19. I somehow knew Anita Love was the superior one even though I did not see her literally in the dream. The nameplates were bronze-colored. 20. Something extremely extreme happened earlier for real but I handled it somehow. 21. I don’t know what happened in the “ending” in the military dream but I really felt the TV was a little strange. 22. Maybe I’m trying not to remember so hard. My brain is working hard to confuse myself for some reason. 23. First Ko Si Third Movie? (OMG WHAT I JUST GOOGLED IT). WTF. 24. I have not googled a lot of things today for a good reason. 25. I heard a real noise that is not a hallucination and I am pretty sure I was obviously hacked at that time but I just rationalized it was a coincidence. There are noises on my headphones sometimes even in silence. Spiders? 26. I’m going to listen to the right thing eventually.