### **MORNING PAGES** So Kanye’s version really said, “Nothing in this world is promised but death.” But mine really said “Nothing is this world is promised” (so not even death) and my [[Tomorrow poem]] is about Christian eschatology anyway. So now Pale Horse (Death) is the 5th Horseman who is “optional” while I’m actually the 4th, the Yellow Horse of Prophecy/Deception. So now it’s Dark Blue, White, Yellow, and Red. Philippine flag colors. More on the horses: [[January 2, 2026]] OMG Jeffrey’s first two names are also German. <aside> 😳 “Oh yeah” </aside> Something weird is happening. When I think back to all of Vico’s posts in early December, I now realize that their relation to me might be so faint after all. Like my mind state at the time was fed by delusion mostly, like the “Smells like Christmas [pine tree instead of Christmas treee emoji].” Maybe this is when I really got spread. I don’t remember exactly when it crossed over to “plausible.” I think it really got deeper when he posted the EMO REMIX audio of Deck the Halls. How could that not be about me? Or is it really? Did I really fly too close to the sun? And then it just got followed by his water gun pic = a reference to my “shoot me” and “@Mariahsdiary” re: batampalengke ID = Kuya Vico. And also, why would he use the pic of him with the mask and his smoldery eyes? AND OMG I keep forgetting about “three commas” and the literal moan in Top 10 video. It really got worse with Lakan. How could that not be about me? Deirdre Camba and Fireline (CDO writer) and Human Studies 401-like story. 12:45PM: Mom is kind of scaring me about my liver and kidneys. Fascinations: 1. How gossip spreads through social engineering = another story? 2. The difference between observing and inferring I wonder what Vico’s FB notifs are like. The Top 10 video really got almost 500k likes and reactions. How do you handle that much volume? Counted almost 230 muscle fasciculations. FUCK. It is not really improving at this rate. I got a total of 1,615 or so last month. How could I have almost reached 15% by Jan. 4? I really do have BFS. Motor neurons going haywire. NEURONS in trouble. If my body is like this, how much more my actual mind? On top of that I got 337 on Jan. 2 alone. And 40 on Jan. 3. So that’s 37.5% by Jan. 4. I wonder what I ate that I got diarrhea. <aside> 😳 OMFG Vico literally alluded to Aella by saying “true mission” from my previous entry. </aside> So I just got extra creepy and decided to find out when he reposted Bayani on his story on Jan 1. It was approx. 10:19AM according to my screenshot but IG could have remained only “1 hour ago” until the last minute of that hour so that’s at least 9:20AM which is the minimum. I wrote something about Joyce Manor’s “Over Before It Began” on 10:20AM according to my journal. Between 9:20AM and 10:19AM he could have been watching stories on IG. How is that possible? Maybe he really is reading me at the same time? So Kabulastugan posted their “Grabe ka naman 2026” on Jan. 1, 5AM. If he was online at approximately the time I said between 9:20AM - 10:19AM or maybe beyond, I would have no definitive proof except the hope that he perhaps saw Kabulastugan’s post after 10:20AM when I wrote about Joyce Manor. MAJOR SYNCHRONICITY I DISCOVERED. Thanks to some “sleuthing” I discovered that Vico posted the “patulomg” exactly at 7:05PM, the same time I literally wrote about OMG Peter Thiel being gay. HOW??????? Upon further discovery, I actually googled Johannes von Baumbach and John Collison at 6:49 and 6:50PM and googled “Christian billionaires” at 6:48PM. They posted at 7:05PM. They had 17 minutes. I found out I googled “is Peter Thiel married” at 6:46PM and the phrase “never mind” because I wasn’t sure at 6:47PM. So I likely wrote OMG at 6:47PM too. That gave them 18 minutes to “respond” creatively to get me to notice OMG. So I literally noticed I wrote my 77th and 78th OMG on 6:33PM and 6:40PM. I feel nice that they are studying my patterns, it’s just WTF. They work really fast. I’m just envious. So I’d just like to thank the person who noticed me say something about Nobelium probably and 102. I have no idea why you are taking me seriously. What’s in it for you? So 2 = 10 and 0 = 0 in binary ergo 100? Why would he cut off the “2020 and pic na ‘to”? There are 100 workers in “20” years of service. 2 100s. 2020 also has 2 100s. This is a little confusing. Did I get 2 things right? Or 4? “True mission” as in study spiritual world through figuring out what happened to me in 2019? Tesla warned that the day science begins to study non-physical phenomena there would be more breakthroughs in a decade than in all the previous centuries of its existence. I remember I misspelled bureaucracy probably because “a slip of the tongue” i.e. beauty. Both Aella and this? Fast-developing countries? I just don’t wanna believe it’s another unconnected coincidence that they really misspelled “patulomg” accidentally. Otherwise, if Vico is not involved in this at all, I must be insane for real, but at least “God” is showing me something extremely important. The timing is just too uncanny. Why would you say something about a “true mission” and put a literal cross figure in the infographic but then talk about bureaucracy? He is using Christian language thus he is a Christian, duh. That doesn’t mean anything about what I’m writing in here. Except I literally said something about being curious about his Christianity. And I literally said “true mission.” Do I really need any more confirmation than that? I gotta research about what Tesla said and what that’s about. I realize Newton had the same problem with alchemy. He was very right about math, but not with alchemy. He also studied the Apocalypse. - **Spiritual Renewal:** Newton envisioned 2060 as a time when corrupt institutions would fall, truth restored, and God's will manifest, leading to a "1,000-year global kingdom of peace," rather than total annihilation. - **The "Apocalypse":** His view of the apocalypse was more about spiritual transformation and the end of the "Antichrist's" (Papacy's) rule, not necessarily the world ending. “OMG” is like another brain worm but I cannot summon the energy to do something about it. It is literally atomic. That must mean either Peter Thiel is way off-base, or that I must be going in the right direction because I realized he was gay and married already. But that it is still about Aella. Such a faint connection, but what about my introjects? I realize 20+ years is faintly like 20ish years old in my Bluesky post about “If I can prove I have introjects…” and something about coercive persuasion. In his literal post, he had “ginagamit at TINATAKOT.” But why would they be looking at my Bluesky? Vico isn’t even on Bluesky. Is this supposed to make me reflect? I have no idea. Am I coercing people? Are my hunches forceful? Also, I’m not actually going to kill myself or feel suicidal at all. I have goals now. Besides, if I can’t have love, then money is the next best thing. Maybe I’ll die trying until God appears in another person? “True mission” might just edge out the others I have mentioned. This is not a thing on the internet aside from brands. If indeed he was not involved at all, then that’s a really strange synchronicity that cannot be ignored from the Self archetype. If they are involved, they are directly manipulating what I infer, so I can no longer trust in Jung because my reality is compromised. Same thing with “OMG.” How can this be? If the previous, my “calling” is now something involving spiritual world and Aella book? I don’t wanna have to borrow other religious systems. Astrology has somehow already done it, but they’re unreliable. I cannot reach other sex workers because they are not “intellectual” or “writers” like Aella, and she is probably the most influential of them all. So literally, Audrey posted a “love poem” on December 30 by scifi writer Phyllis Gottlieb. To wit: “Phyllis Fay Gotlieb (née Bloom; May 25, 1926 – July 14, 2009) was a _**Canadian science fiction novelist and poet**_.” She is DIRECTLY referring to me as recently as December 30 last year. What about it? My best hunch? I know that she unprivates some of her “Only-me’s” sometimes. I wrote about being embarrassed about my own feelings on December 30-31 in the evening. It’s just so unlikely and synchronic that she posted that on 6:28AM on December 30. So that must mean she unprivated it because she wanted to mess with me? Or that she thought it was oddly synchronic too that she “predicted” me or what I’d be consumed about on that day? Why is she alluding to me anyway if she wasn’t also a part of this? Phyllis is literally a science fiction writer AND a poet, two things she thinks I’m doing right now based on my posts on Facebook. Do I have a privilege of some sort? Am I supposed to think I’m fundamental? This is not helping me actually. It is real pressure to be accurate. And competent. Sydney’s story is literally about this happening to her protagonist. Am I Annie who “cracked the universe?” I literally wrote Unreal Image in an indirect tribute to her story, and now my story is important? That is a nightmare, not only for her, but for me too. I do not like being the reason why people are miserable. It doesn’t matter if they are antagonized to me in some way. I don’t see Sydney as an enemy. In fact, I wanna emulate her. She probably doesn’t think of me. She even unfollowed me and I really had to anxiety-message her about my story not ripping off hers, because I have no idea if she unfollowed me because somebody has now informed her about my thesis or what happened in 2019. The thing about Anita Love too is very odd. Anita Love from UK = Sydney from UK university. Anita Love from Australia = Ma’am Marby from Australian university. My dream was literally about UP people. Am I supposed to be a composite of these two people and become a nudist in that movie “Nature’s Paradise?” If people are indeed reading me, then I’m actually living that out virtually. I produce gender-sexual (Marby) scifi (Sydney), or at least these are my niches. Why would my brain say that to me in this convoluted way? Why would it use 2 people from abroad? And not literally Ma’am Marby and Sydney? Maybe it’s the point? They have the same names. Anita Love is “one person” who is triply related to academia in UK and Australia and a nudist movie. The compression is outstanding. But why? HOW?????? How did it filch Anita Love out of thin air? Out of the “knowledge bank” or “collective unconscious” of the entire world? My brain must have been tapping into it in my dreams. I am forgetting Paolo Manalo’s “Horde Poetry” illustration of “me” running amok and naked with an aswang escaping out of my mouth. She was “nude” and “insane.” So this is still really about me, but with the added field of “cognitive poetics” and in a tiny sense, poetry too, which I also do. I cannot deal with this. I have so much on my plate. At best, it is showing me a “vision” or an alternate reality where I am higher in rank than even Prof. Ancheta at such a young age. This is literally a “vision” of Impostor Abby. I do not see myself rising through the ranks of anything. Now that I know my dreams aren’t literally about the people they are talking about, what was that military dream about? Why did Vico suddenly copy my Bluesky pattern (OMG???) of the 3 commas? Who is military? Are they the higher dimension? They notice me when I sleepwalk or tap into their powers? I am somehow “running to the edges” for some reason although I do not feel like it. Am I onto something with Unreal Image? Am I undergoing military training? What for? Psi powers? I don’t even see a use case aside from a neat parlor trick or an odd story that could impress enthusiasts. Maybe I should ask AI about what my hunches mean. Facts exist, such as people I do not know about “directly” existing on the same timeline as me, living out their lives as “Anita” in UK and Australia and in a nudist movie. I do not have to “know” them for my brain to use them in my dreams. So this explains all the random people that I don’t recognize? That is so difficult now, because not all of my dream people have names. I just got really fucking lucky to have somebody display her nameplate in that dream. Ok so in the Shekinah dream I literally dreamt about Barry Acas working on PACEs. His name means “an anglicized version of the Irish name, Báire, which means “fair haired”. Fair haired is often a metaphor used in the U.S. to describe someone who is cherished by somebody else. This could symbolize how Barry is cherished by Fuches (albeit in a twisted and exploitative way), and how Fuches depends on Barry to feel accomplished and to earn money.” So Acas means: “A submission from Texas, U.S. says the name Acas means "_**Leader**_" and is of Arabic origin” Barry was known as a dull and “bastos” student even in Shekinah. Maybe that has implications in my life. Since Anita Love literally means “grace or favor” and Love means obviously love, then Barry Acas means “cherished leader.” Am I Barry now? Am I supposed to be a leader? Why names? Why is my brain specifically using name meanings? And also, I don’t know when it started. I just literally said something about Four Horsemen and Philippines out of an outgrowth of this impulse to search for meanings behind words. This is the language. So my brain is naturally going to focus on Vico and his lineage because his lineage is somehow “connected” to the meanings in my name, especially the two rivers, and Yee/Yap and Victor/Nicole and Maria/Guadalope. I cannot tell if this is right, but it is compelling. It is “random,” almost too much so, because nobody plans out name meanings as if it has any bearing on destiny. Destiny indeed. Why would this even matter if I did not believe in that? It is showing me possibility, not certainty. It is definitely odd that they are not stopping in frequency and that I seem to stumble into more of them every other day. Even numbers and symbols like atomic numbers and “gold.” How????? How could my concerns line up like that, when I was just randomly being led to think about billionaires and Aella? I literally said something about looking Arabic with eyeliner a few days ago, or was it, and now I’m dreaming about Arabic names? Or is this supposed to be indirectly referring to Vico’s smoldering eyes? Besides, he is the “true leader” according to my “I guess that’s being a true leader” a few days/weeks ago. He is cherished by people too. I do not know for sure if he is “bastos.” Barry was just too odd. OMG maybe that’s what Jesus through me and Vico would be like????????? A dull and bastos boy who is nevertheless cherished and a leader? Strange. But only a possibility. Maybe this is a real politician right now. Who do I think is a bastos politician who lacks qualifications but is still cherished? HOLY SHIT DUTERTE. Either him, or Robin Padilla who is known as: [**Robin Padilla](https://www.google.com/search?q=Robin+Padilla&sca_esv=5bb9be823fc6d962&sxsrf=AE3TifP9tcB8-rRJ9jpFk32Zo2xLTKtcYg%3A1767523872425&ei=IEZaaYnVGeni2roPiIbh0Q0&ved=2ahUKEwid3vWK3vGRAxXd4zQHHTisMo0QgK4QegQIAxAD&uact=5&oq=politician+involved+in+sex+scandal+philippines&gs_lp=Egxnd3Mtd2l6LXNlcnAiLnBvbGl0aWNpYW4gaW52b2x2ZWQgaW4gc2V4IHNjYW5kYWwgcGhpbGlwcGluZXNIxUxQmBlYy0twBHgBkAEAmAGlAqABm0iqAQcwLjI1LjIwuAEDyAEA-AEBmAIeoAKcKsICChAAGLADGNYEGEfCAg0QABiABBiwAxhDGIoFwgIKECMYgAQYJxiKBcICCxAAGIAEGJECGIoFwgILEAAYgAQYsQMYgwHCAgUQLhiABMICChAAGIAEGEMYigXCAgoQLhiABBhDGIoFwgIQECMY8AUYgAQYJxjJAhiKBcICBBAjGCfCAg0QABiABBixAxhDGIoFwgIOEAAYgAQYkQIYsQMYigXCAgoQABiABBgUGIcCwgIIEAAYgAQYsQPCAgUQABiABMICDRAAGIAEGLEDGEYY-QHCAicQABiABBixAxhGGPkBGJcFGIwFGN0EGEYY-QEY9AMY9QMY9gPYAQHCAgcQABiABBgKwgIIEAAYgAQYxwPCAgkQABiABBgKGAvCAgYQABgWGB7CAgsQABiABBiGAxiKBcICBRAAGO8FwgIIEAAYgAQYogTCAgUQIRigAZgDAIgGAZAGCroGBggBEAEYE5IHBzQuMTUuMTGgB5_iAbIHBzAuMTUuMTG4B4oqwgcJMC4xNC4xNS4xyAdigAgA&sclient=gws-wiz-serp&mstk=AUtExfCYfaqnJapz8st2h-b36KWDqjI2RGdDrYPoM35nJmQZ-kOW_btb6qS8RDtph_uEZwdN8nupj9nlDDDPevf82QRJrQLNGVSkFhaQeULnA3lZcjWSmKHIdU9SjNkcKVIoyZUNxcHDLFwArZXQUwLhrejej-1sJkgqryaATgAukGKnWF0&csui=3):** A Senator and former actor, he sparked outrage in 2024 for comments suggesting husbands have "sexual rights" over wives, leading to accusations of supporting marital rape. I am betting on it being Duterte. What about him? Lydia is a feminine name of [Greek origin](https://www.google.com/search?q=Greek+origin&sca_esv=5bb9be823fc6d962&sxsrf=AE3TifN8HT1fNciO5wTFa_fkB7y_m5J_iw%3A1767524648823&ei=KElaaY77MYWc0-kP_JbciQY&ved=2ahUKEwiz1fjf3vGRAxVup1YBHW19O4UQgK4QegYIAAgAEAM&uact=5&oq=lydia+meaning&gs_lp=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_QGyBwUwLjkuN7gHpRjCBwYwLjcuMTPIB0eACAA&sclient=gws-wiz-serp), meaning **"from Lydia" (an ancient region in Asia Minor), "beautiful one," or "noble one"**. It's known from the Bible as Lydia of Thyatira, a seller of purple cloth and an early European Christian convert, and also refers to the historical kingdom famous for its wealth and purple dye. "Ginalang" isn't a common given name but likely a variation of Tagalog words, meaning **"respected," or Indonesian "Gilang," meaning "bright/radiant,"** while similar names like "Ginalyn" blend meanings of royalty, beauty, and nature, so the meaning depends on its intended origin (Filipino or Indonesian) and spelling. These people are all positive name meanings.