### **Grounding and Essential Routines (ง ͡ʘ ͜ʖ ͡ʘ)ง** - [x] Essential Stack - [x] Again Bruno Mars - [x] DLPA prep - [x] MCT oil - [x] HIIT - [ ] Meditation 15m - [ ] Another meditation session 15m - [ ] Practice rap sing-along to get fluid juices flowing - [x] Iron - [ ] Preworkout **Take with fat sources:** - [x] Omega-3 breakfast - [x] Omega-3 lunch - [x] Omega-3 dinner - [ ] Magnesium + Glycine ### Hermeneutics/Semiotics/Psychophysics/Puso’y Tres ⛰️ 1. So my grandmother is a Wolf too. Pabiloño = pavilion or tent. Jacob’s tents. Jacob Black from Twilight. Wolf. Werewolf. So my mom is a wolf. My paternal grandma is also a werewolf. ### Dreams 🧫 1. Tina Mende Calingasan - kinship dream. Somehow earned her approval when I hated her. 1. The surname Mende primarily has German and French origins, acting as **a topographic name for someone living at the edge of a village or settlement**, derived from Middle High German _am ende_ ("at the end"). It may also be a habitational name from places in the Rhineland or a short form of the personal name Menath. 2. The surname Calingasan is of Filipino origin, rooted in the Tagalog language, and is believed to mean **"one who is watchful," "observant," or a "place of looking"**. Derived from the root word _lingas_ (to look/gaze) or _lingas_ (flame), it often signifies resilience, adaptability, or association with specific natural features. 2. Bonbon resort/village dream. Vague feeling of kubo houses. 3. I dreamt that I had acne/cysts on my face erupting and my brain was apparently bleeding chunks of brains through these holes. Worry that I wouldn’t be taken seriously and be rushed to the hospital. 4. Time machine in old dirty kitchen. 2nd dream about time machine in dirty kitchen. Spongebob’s pet snail Gary was apparently going inside the machine to turn younger. Then it transformed into my baby sister turning younger and becoming a 2-year-old again. 5. Tina Mende dream I think. Fashion advice to wear slacks or that she approved of my slacks. 6. There were these tables in the restaurant that vaguely remind me of High Ridge and Bonbon combined. Missing tables for our family. 7. I was in a mall-hospital hybrid and apparently had to go out to fetch something I missed. I was limping or walking with one leg because my other foot was shoeless. I was also wearing something girly and worried I would be looked at. Vague resemblance/gestalt to Katipunan highways/streets near UP Town Center. 8. A doom dream I don’t remember. ### Ruminations 🩻 1. I wonder why I keep dreaming of Bonbon. Maybe it was all the Sports Fests held there. And the Youth Camps. And the general beach coastal resort vibe. 1. In a Philippine context, **Bonbon** (or Bombon) historically refers to the old name of Taal Lake and the surrounding region in Batangas, derived from local terms for water sources. It is also interpreted as **a, local term for scattering grains**. In a modern, general Filipino context, it is also used as the French loanword for "candy" or "chocolate," similar to the [**Glosbe translation**](https://tl.glosbe.com/en/tl/bonbon). 2. **Key Contexts for "Bonbon" in the Philippines:** - **Geographical/Historical (Batangas):** Before being known as Taal, the lake and the area were often referred to as "Bonbon" or "Bombon" by early settlers, notes [**Batangas History, Culture and Folklore**](https://www.batangashistory.date/2018/03/bombon.html). - **Folklore/Origin Story:** One legend suggests the name came from a native scattering grains (bonbon) for wild chickens when a Spaniard asked for the place name. Another interpretation is that it stems from "bombong" (bamboo tube used for water) or "bunbun" (a native word for a spot near water). - **Confectionery:** In Filipino, it is a direct translation for a "sweet" or "candy," Glosbe dictionary indicates. ### Goal/Motivation/Fuel 🛢️ 1. Be for real. You will not survive in America/UK alone. Your best shot is an online degree at California Institute of Integral Studies for your Master of Arts in Philosophy and Religion with a concentration in Philosophy, Cosmology, and Consciousness, and maybe Ateneo for your PhD, where you will master German, French, and Latin as a requirement. You will have plenty of Dihexa. This will likely happen in 2027, when you manage to convince your parents to invest in CIIS degree. ### Progress/Momentum ⚗️ 1. Biggest problem right now is where to contextualize my efforts. Where am I in the discourse? What fields am I tapping into? It seems like such a breathtaking task. This is to be expected as a generalist. You have no idea where your center is. You are interested in everything. 2. Got some of my bearings together with my other planner. That was a tizzy. 3. 11:30AM: HIIT 5 minutes got my legs burning. F. 4. Progress with BOBOBEE. Made up a Peter Thiel kingmaker character running a theocracy under the hood. ### Social Media 🀄 1. Audrey’s Christopher Morley poem. Dark Ages replaced by Byzantine++? ### Sensations/Body Stuff 🫟 1. Took Bupropion 8:30AMish. 2. Wave of fatigue and queasy at 10:10AM. Must be Bupropion and MCT oil. 3. I thought Bupropion was supposed to make me alert. Oh well. I don’t like it currently. It has no perceptible effect aside from “wanting to accomplish things” energy. Still, my fear is preventing me from starting. It is always anxiety undermining your efforts. Anxiety that is too strong for any medication that has dopamine in it. 4. Decided to eat a Lucky Me! Go Cup because breakfast was too spare for my liking. 5. Mangosteen for days!!!! 😋 6. Hungrier than the usual these days. Craving sweet lumpia of all things. And cheese sticks that you fry in lumpia wrapper. ### Random(x) 🕳️ 1. Moving like a slug through “I Sexually Identify As an Attack Helicopter” Clarkesworld story. I can tell it’s beautiful prose, it’s just really dense to me. ### To-do ☑️ - [ ] Come up with a list of rookie mistakes Suzanne Collins definitely does not make, like hiding behind verbs to tell instead of show, “She shouted,…” blah blah and uses dialogue to show anger and a well-placed exclamation point. - [ ] Read a shitty book to see why it sucks. Read your work after to improve your phrasing or finesse. - [ ] A hankering to harvest the strengths of Nexus method, Antinet Zettelkasten, Smart Notes by Ahrens, Syntopicon (not the template, I realized, it’s too basic, but the method from other websites), Commonplace book (already in Ideaverse), and of course, Ideaverse Pro itself. CANNOT WAIT. (PRETEND) IT’S INEVITABLE. - [ ] Workbook N.K. Jemisin - [ ] Daniel Keyes Flowers For Algernon study - [ ] Mental Models/Tools for Thought fertilizer - [ ] Wonderbook - [ ] Dark Humor Bloom - [x] Semiotics reading - [ ] Thinking in Systems and Mental Models - [ ] 2 Mental Models Focus - [ ] 2 Tools of Thought Focus - [ ] 2 from that website collated models - [ ] The Open Secret: A New Vision for Natural Theology by Alister E. McGrath - [ ] No Bad Parts Internal Family Systems - [ ] Save the Cat Writes a Young Adult Novel and Judy Blume Guide and NK Jemisin Guide for CW 200 critical essay and Atwood class workbook and Writing the Uncanny, World Building Ben Bova, Story Trumps Structure, Putting the Science in Fiction (Schizophrenia, DID), Anatomy of Story, The Art of War for warfare plot points, Story Engineering too, Science of Storytelling, Dan Brown guide; Beginnings, Middles and Ends; - [ ] Philosophy Book of Ideas - [ ] Smart Thinking Skills/informal logic - [ ] Truth and Fiction in The Da Vinci Code —This idea niggling at me: Mother-Girlfriend relationship in Justine Davidson, mirroring archetype of the Madonna with Mary Magdalene. A possibility that has hounded and haunted history too. Even in the Da Vinci Code. Seems right. - [ ] Julia Kristeva Stabat Mater - really important resource considering she was your inspiration too in 2018. —The essay is experimental, and (in two columns) combines a scholarly investigation of the cult of the [Virgin Mary](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_\(mother_of_Jesus\))[[3]](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stabat_Mater_\(Kristeva\)#cite_note-DoaneHodges1992-3) and of "the maternal" symbolized by the Virgin with a personal account of Kristeva's "bodily and psychic experiences surrounding and including the birth of her son".[[1]](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stabat_Mater_\(Kristeva\)#cite_note-Crownfield-1) - [ ] A Scientific Theology Alister McGrath ### Morning Pages ⚜️ 12 is such a fortuitous number. 12 tribes, 12 apostles, now 12 in the GODHEAD, 120° in my astral projection, then there’s the 144,000 handpicked saved before the Tribulation prophecy. 5:08PM: Abby moved a lot today (physically and emotionally and intellectually). Abby is very tired (of her own shit). Hagar (pointer to Muslims/Arab people) is the only woman in Scripture to name God “El Roi” (God sees me)!!!! She was visited by an angel in the wilderness. It’s like me in a small way, with my many “eyes” or “yees” in my ALL_GO and being “visited” or dreaming a lot about Angelo Gabriel Bautista Llamas. It’s like I derived Stella from Hagar without knowing fully about her. It just proves that I’m always pointing to Palestine and Arab nations now. Philippines has a role, finally. We are the Sidekick, not the two main characters (Hebrews/Jews and Arabs for Isaac and Ishmael). Erya? Interesting. So the order seems to be: 1. Hebrew/Jews - IvanaVerse 2. Arabs - AwanaVerse 3. Philippines - AnitaVerse 1. We are “bronze” in the eyes of the GODHEAD. Wild how in December I was still not over Jeffrey, but now, just a little under two months(!!!) I just couldn’t give a fuck if I tried, like I really thought he was the One at some point (I was very wrong, lol). Scary how replaceable people are apparently, even if I valued them as the be-all end-all, just because I found someone better. I suppose the Vico Delulu will pass someday, I hope. I’ve never had a stretch of time in my life that I remember where I wasn’t emotionally/sexually attached to a man. Maybe I’d find real clarity or purpose after this. I wonder what it’s like to be completely free of concern for sexuality and romance. It’s like I was fed this huge fairytale lie since I was conscious enough of my mom and dad being beautiful and being married and having a beautiful daughter (not me). It didn’t help that all the movies I watched like Tangled had romance as a throughline. Tumor scare on my right forearm. I just hope it’s a damaged vein and not a tumor since it’s an angiotensin, known to constrict blood vessels. Please. This is how I know I’m autistic or neurodivergent. Bupropion has counterintuitive effects on me at first. It’s like it’s unmasking how much anxiety and background tension I’ve been dealing with. The calmness I somehow interpret as fatigue. A craving to use Capacities in conjunction with Ideaverse. OH YAY, found out I don’t have to spend on Obsidian Sync anymore, because it apparently got linked to my hard drive already (thank GOD).