![[IMG_3911.webp]] So it’s 1:49AM and I just looked at my version history as I’m wont to do. They literally had 15 minutes to respond to me about OMG???????? WTAFUCK?? HOW COULD THEY HAVE POSTED THAT WITHIN 15 MINUTES??? OMG THEY POSTED IT ON 7:06PM. They literally had 13 minutes. People are monitoring everything in real time?????????????? Counting how many OMGs I have?????????? How did you know to count that??????????? WTF. OMG WHAT ABOUT TFIOS AND GRAPHS??????? OMG VICO REPOSTED END OF BEGINNING!!!! NOOOO DO NOT MOVE TO CDO!!!!!!! OR AM I INSANE. WOW I HAVE REACHED THE END OF DELULU. IT IS NOW NALULU(LA). HE IS REALLY READING MY JOURNAL ISN’T HE????????????? I mean, why?????? Cities. Sister Cities. We do not have to be married? Heh???????? You will claim my dress? This is actually a ‘twin city’ situation, so it would be weird. How presumptuous right? It doesn’t even have to be me. OMG why CDO? GOLD? 79? AM I RIGHT THAT IT’S AD-BC?????? Kings and priests do not get married to each other. I drank Glycine because I have been awake since 1:38AM. It is now 2:29AM. I have been awake for nearly 13 hours. I am already tired. GODDAMN. I am supposed to want to sleep at probably 5:30 AM or so. OMG I WAS WRONG. I’VE BEEN AWAKE FOR 24 hours nearly 25. How did I do it? AELLA GIRL IS 33 YEARS OLD AMP!!!!!!!! Turning 34 in February 22. 2/22/92. FOUR 2s. Is she the AntiChrist? Interesting. There are 53 days in 2026 until she turns 34. I literally bought Bupropion 60 tabs for 53 dollars yesterday. What about Bupropion? Aella is a heavy Adderrall user. Maybe it’s all connected. “Bupropion is an **aminoketone**, specifically a **norepinephrine-dopamine reuptake inhibitor (NDRI)**, chemically known as a [**phenylaminoketone**](https://www.google.com/search?q=phenylaminoketone&sca_esv=7dcbc37479457eb0&sxsrf=AE3TifPo7gXH8B8n5Ri-y-pvYAJl6oDHoA%3A1767380591039&ei=bxZYaYCGAv6p2roPgaeIyAU&ved=2ahUKEwjnwI3rxe2RAxVKrlYBHSBrHvIQgK4QegQIARAD&uact=5&oq=bupropion+chemical&gs_lp=Egxnd3Mtd2l6LXNlcnAiEmJ1cHJvcGlvbiBjaGVtaWNhbDIFEAAYgAQyCxAAGIAEGJECGIoFMgsQABiABBiRAhiKBTIFEAAYgAQyBhAAGBYYHjIGEAAYFhgeMgYQABgWGB4yBhAAGBYYHjIGEAAYFhgeMgYQABgWGB5I-RJQ3gFYhRFwAngBkAEAmAHTAaAB0w2qAQUwLjkuMbgBA8gBAPgBAZgCC6ACiQ7CAgoQABiABBhDGIoFwgIKEAAYgAQYFBiHAsICBRAhGKABmAMAiAYBkgcFMS45LjGgB9g5sgcFMC45LjG4B4IOwgcFMC41LjbIByaACAA&sclient=gws-wiz-serp&mstk=AUtExfCHkWLyyECGjFteuKItv3IZKAVFRcSzDbchx3hAc9NEA5UVMc7AQx7L_-Yp2N2QDfgjlKkfjN8wuf3k1ZNfVlDc2IY05A4i_b4ARjD80jtsRBqGdz9TeTFxdRZ57XlYityWnrLErzv7iTIVfuAnKiwxNvCQqa6SvHuFC029daanWAyitFmyQOt1Rq_pK56TpZzNJyvMZBBEhy8Lv_dfWbjIS4ZZuhPWweLz72vfmgCF_m4782K-sx7JuPP3RkPQdkte6xeGYmBW1q59qY0szfiq&csui=3), used as an atypical antidepressant and smoking cessation aid. Its chemical formula involves **a chlorine-substituted phenyl ring, a ketone group, and a tert-butylamino group**, differing structurally from typical antidepressants by acting primarily on dopamine and norepinephrine rather than serotonin.” So I really was right to link her to Peter Thiel and his AntiChrist theories. But he’s gay and married. So that’s not right anymore. Aella is Jesus? OMG I am writing her as Mary??????? I am the writer of this story. I am Jesus now???? WHOA NO. I am MARY????? HUH????????????? But Aella is 33. Jesus was 33 when he began his ministry. What does Mary have to do with Jesus here? I am stumped. If I am right, Pasig is actually Bethlehem? Bread? No. Mandaluyong is Bethlehem? WHAT?????? I keep forgetting I have the 3 gifts. I was born in Mike?????? IN 2019!!!!!! I grew up in Nazareth literally. I’m the one who is supposed to move to Pasig because I keep calling Vico BRO because I relate to his half-sister????????? “**Jesus spent his early life in Nazareth**, was born in **Bethlehem**, briefly lived in **Egypt**, and conducted most of his public ministry in **Galilee**, particularly around the **Sea of Galilee** (especially [**Capernaum**](https://www.google.com/search?q=Capernaum&sca_esv=7dcbc37479457eb0&sxsrf=AE3TifPSi4tWooDh4rSkDICqIsuGl_MEGQ%3A1767380916782&ei=tBdYaYW5L5fa1e8Py66EiAY&ved=2ahUKEwiQkN6mx-2RAxVerVYBHc1IMygQgK4QegQIARAC&uact=5&oq=where+did+jesus+spend+his+life&gs_lp=Egxnd3Mtd2l6LXNlcnAiHndoZXJlIGRpZCBqZXN1cyBzcGVuZCBoaXMgbGlmZTIFEAAYgAQyBhAAGBYYHjIGEAAYFhgeMgYQABgWGB4yBhAAGBYYHjIGEAAYFhgeMgYQABgWGB4yCBAAGBYYChgeMgYQABgWGB4yBhAAGBYYHkisMlCvBFiaMXAGeAGQAQCYAcUBoAH9KqoBBDAuMzK4AQPIAQD4AQGYAiagAosswgIKEAAYsAMY1gQYR8ICDRAAGIAEGLADGEMYigXCAg4QABiwAxjkAhjWBNgBAcICExAuGIAEGLADGEMYyAMYigXYAQHCAgoQIxiABBgnGIoFwgIEECMYJ8ICChAAGIAEGEMYigXCAgsQABiABBiRAhiKBcICChAAGIAEGBQYhwLCAgkQABiABBgKGAuYAwCIBgGQBhO6BgYIARABGAmSBwY2LjMxLjGgB8PwAbIHBjAuMzEuMbgH7CvCBwYwLjMyLjbIB2uACAA&sclient=gws-wiz-serp&mstk=AUtExfAi_FhXoMMVoCK_2Us1dMHL-VD75bHeiR93Exgcp1f9Pbuq1nfOsApbubvz6yc2JsHrDw1a67PLoPlfqSjSZR8MVPheOSUiXiUu8xJvJPwuZhMtQfpv7bMgYPdPlThUGluWs3EXYyePUSxaCm7zj9cuh2JxrJ7_96Jhn1N1UNfZUCMLY1SFje2g60F9M40SI2UdkTtnNj0TtgQlpQ3JOMUOh2uLTk2PCK_OdUD_hheeTEHpfIYr5mBagz3EIywEZ9GOQnzJGWggcv5mB77zaals&csui=3)), traveling to areas like Judea, Perea, and Samaria for teachings and miracles before his crucifixion in Jerusalem.” In the Bible, Galilee means **"circuit" or "district"** (from Hebrew galil) and refers to a fertile, populous region in northern Israel, known as "Galilee of the Gentiles" due to its mixed Jewish and non-Jewish population, becoming the central location for most of Jesus's ministry, miracles, and teachings, marking it as a pivotal area for the Christian faith.  Sea of Galilee. The **Sea of Galilee** ([Hebrew](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hebrew_language): יָם כִּנֶּרֶת, [Judeo-Aramaic](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Judeo-Aramaic_languages): יַמּא דטבריא, גִּנֵּיסַר, [Arabic](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arabic_language): بحيرة طبريا), also called **Lake Tiberias**, **Genezareth Lake** or **Kinneret**, is a [freshwater](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Freshwater) [lake](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lake) in [Israel](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Israel). It is the lowest freshwater lake on Earth and the second-lowest lake in the world (after the [Dead Sea](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dead_Sea), a [salt lake](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Salt_lake)),[[3]](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sea_of_Galilee#cite_note-3) with its elevation fluctuating between 215 and 209 metres (705 and 686 ft) below sea level (depending on rainfall).[[4]](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sea_of_Galilee#cite_note-4) It is approximately 53 km (33 mi) in circumference, about 21 km (13 mi) long, and 13 km (8 mi) wide. Its area is 166.7 km2 (64.4 sq mi) at its fullest, and its maximum depth is approximately 43 metres (141 ft).[[5]](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sea_of_Galilee#cite_note-ilec-5) The lake is fed partly by underground springs, but its main source is the [Jordan River](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jordan_River), which flows through it from north to south with the outflow controlled by the [Degania Dam](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Degania_Dam). The Sea of Galilee is situated in northeast [Israel](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Israel), between the [Golan Heights](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Golan_Heights) and the [Galilee](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Galilee) region, in the [Jordan Rift Valley](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jordan_Rift_Valley),[[6]](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sea_of_Galilee#cite_note-6) formed by the relative motion of the [African](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/African_Plate) and [Arabian](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arabian_Plate) plates. Consequently, the area is subject to [earthquakes](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Earthquake), and in the past, [volcanic](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Volcano) activity.[[7]](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sea_of_Galilee#cite_note-jstor.org-7) This is evident from the abundant [basalt](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Basalt) and other [igneous](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Igneous) rocks that define the [geology of Galilee](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Geology_of_Israel).[[8]](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sea_of_Galilee#cite_note-8)[[9]](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sea_of_Galilee#cite_note-9) AMP PASIG IS NORTH EAST?????????? But why am I Jesus? NO?????????? “Star of the Sea” is Virgin Mary. My middle name. Vico’s middle middle first name. Jesus died by crucifixion at **a place outside ancient Jerusalem called Golgotha**, meaning "Place of the Skull," which Christians also call **Calvary**. While the exact spot is debated, it's traditionally associated with the Church of the Holy Sepulchre, though some scholars suggest sites like Gordon's Calvary outside the city walls. I used Calvary in A Map of Pain screenplay as a location of Jiggy’s condo which is based on Berkeley condo. I am not lying but I really saw a definition of Jiggy on the internet in 2022 meaning “detective” or “sleuth” on a random name definition page. Yeah. Did I already die? Mike is Pale Horse anyway, which means death. So I do not have to die anymore? Maybe the Northeast is symbolic. If I am right, the “miracles” involve Vico somehow???? And in the year 2025 when Aella actually turned 33. Hmmmmmm. I am not a literal Jesus. It is all very meta right now. Everything is slippery. 2025 was when I dreamed of Anita Love anyway, which is just great because there are 2 of them, like me and Aella? Sydney and Ma’am Marby for UK and Australia. I wrote A Map of Pain under Ma’am Marby in 2022. I wrote Unreal Image based on Sydney somehow in 2025. Why am I now linked to Aella somehow? I am only 28, so I literally am “close” but the narrative calls for Aella as a pointer, as in, like in compsci. What will happen to me truly when I’m 33 myself? OMG??????? Trisha Marie Jacob Yap, whose mother is Abilaine Jacob Yap. ME being mother? Trisha being daughter? Or mother and son? Who is Trisha here? Vico? Mother and son. But also, is Vico Mary because of his middle-most first name Maria? And am I Jesus? Abby Jacobs dorm in Dumaguete, I was named after a dorm. I am in the middle of Abilaine and Trisha? Or am I both of them? I do not have Marie in my name. I only have Guadalope. Why is God talking to me using other people’s names? Why is Jacob Israel? This is a pointer to Unreal Image again. LOL JACOB THE WEREWOLF. TWILIGHT AGAIN. WEREWOLF THE RIGHTMOST TWIN. So I must not be Jacob? I was only named Abby and not Jacob. 3:42AM. 7:55AM. So you’re telling me all the men after Ralph did not count? He was born December 24. I was really still talking about him in 2018 in Paolo’s class in CW 101. 11:39AM: So Jesus died at 33. Huh. He started at 30. 33 = 2025. Did I die in 2025? Figuratively? OMG AD-BC again. Chaotic time. Aella died at 33? Ok? So I literally only mentioned her on Jan 1. She died in “2026” from my POV because I have locked onto her as a target but maybe America is behind with time. So she is still 33 in 2025 on December 31 when I decided to change her mind. 3:52PM: So Black Horse is now dark blue. 4:44PM: Vague dream about Manang Lydia, the maid who hurt my lola. And Shekinah. The rumination that other people who are less “smart” than me can do work steadily and still finish work. OMG was his FB story a response to my poem???????? re: Tomorrow How did I get here? Nobody told me anything. I had to figure out everything that was happening to me from smoke. Maybe I have truly lost touch with reality. When everything is pointing towards a sign that has built a foundation of signs underneath that I don’t know how to switch off anymore. I am so weirded out by the possibility that people are taking me seriously when I am not even serious most of the time. I am just mostly exploring things. I have no idea what to do. 5:36PM: I took armodafinil about an hour ago but I am experiencing chills on my head even though I did not take atomoxetine. Strange. No norepinephrine but somehow crossed into norepinephrine even though it’s just dopamine. I cannot stop thinking of 79 gold atomic number landing on the billionaire “OMG” Peter Thiel even though that was a complete accident. How can that be? I feel like Ivan Panin today. Associative intelligence = Philippines as “lover of horses” = Four Horsemen? I guess you were just playing. It doesn’t have to feel brilliant. How could it be that the Philippines really had to be named after horses? And somehow has implications for Revelation? My parents are being impossible and have intercepted my Dihexa attempt because it has not been tested on humans. Oh well. I cannot wait to live by myself and truly get into biohacking more with freedom. I said something about werewolf = weerwolf = weatherwolf = tall grasses in Interstellar in another journal. Hmmmm. 7:19PM: Reread Unreal Image outline and I am floored because I think I cannot match it anymore, much less expand it into a novel even with my meds. This is normal. Just do it. How did I do it again? Intermittent bursts of HIIT. Every hour. 5 minutes of movement. Blood flowing in the brain. No sleep = prime manic creativity. Good sleep = architect mode. I really went ahead and did not sleep at all for 25 hours yesterday. I cannot sustain this. It is Jan 3. 12 days before Clarion West result. Even if I do not make it, I’ll still be happy because of “COMMA.” They need to invent a new word for my condition. Derealization is taken. It does not describe what I’m experiencing. 8:34PM: Exercised 5m. Meditated 30m - bring-backs: 12. Felt like slurry. Atomoxetine “pleasure” slightly dulling my ability to focus even though norepinephrine is associated with alertness and attention. More bring-backs = more distractions and mind-wandering, but also more control over noticing when mind flits away. Meditating does not feel like a chore under atomoxetine, I’ll give it that. It is very relaxing and I thought I was almost asleep. I wonder why I haven’t heard any entities anymore since werewolf incident on Nov. 1 last year. It was a stroke of luck. Is 20 an ontoglyph? Later. I find it incredibly weird that I seemingly only get “responses” from Vico but none of the people in my department are posting anything at all. Why? Except for Lakan seemingly. Are they just too busy or consumed by other things? Maybe this is a sign that it’s not real. Otherwise I would get a lot more input. How is it possible at all? Why are they so silent? Mike has barely posted and the last one was months ago, Audrey doesn’t post a lot, Paolo, idk what about Gacha Press but it’s my strongest proof of him still being involved. It’s just so unlikely that something like my Notion entries could reach someone that busy, but none of the people involved originally have surfaced. Strange. Maybe I just have bad time management. What are they trying to “say” to me by exposing me to Vico if ever that delusion is true? I have no idea who else is involved, except possibly my adviser, who is the only person I sent Unreal Image to. Vida is one “proof” with her threat memes. I faintly recall seeing her at UPTC smiling at me for no reason, maybe to apologize for not giving me access to her story which I commented on back when X was Twitter in 2017. How did she follow me indeed? How would they know what I look like if people did not spread pictures of me? Unless I’m actually off-base and that not only UPD is involved and I’m stalking the wrong people. How is this possible? There are no answers here, only hunches. I vaguely remember Rayji copying my wording, but that could be coincidence only. Somehow, my former children’s lit prof Frances Ong appeared in my “People You May Know” on Facebook. So I can only assume or bet that she also knows about Unreal Image now, because why would she check me out if I didn’t write anything children’s/YA? Is it that controversial that it got spread to people who are not involved even? Why? Does this mean I have a shot at Best Thesis? #Delulu Yeah, I have got to start on the critical essay now. I wonder what kind of politics got me into this mess. I have a very vague idea. Are people divided over what to do with me? How did they hire—well, budget for even—a hacker to really hack my Notion (I’m just assuming you need to have a contact at Notion for this). Or even, maybe it’s just not high-profile enough, but then VICO????? How did I get here? I just unconsciously accepted that it’s possible but I have no clue how. Where did they convince people to invest in this “project.” How do people even keep it contained since 2019? Do they have NDAs? Did they officially launch this or was this just an informal group chat thing? I am the worst person to ask these things because it literally just appeared in my life like a portal I was nudged into. It is borderline fantastical. I sometimes forget that I actually don’t have objectivity anymore because everything is such a mess and unclear and “magical” and no one can tell me how it happened exactly. Even if I wrote something extremely offensive in 2019, they would have just slapped me with real consequences, but why did they do that instead? Why did it have to be me? Is this a thing in universities that I was not aware about? That suddenly faculty or higher-ups can decide to invade your life if they deem you interesting enough to study? If that actually was true, they would have officially invited me to sign a grant contract or something, to continue the project and have clear goals. It seems like in 2019 I had no clue at all what they expected me to do when they just appeared everywhere and followed me for seemingly vague reasons trying to bring my script to life? I forgot about Luigi del Rosario, but seemingly he had a post about Liza—or a meme—that literally said “Palitan mo na siya, Liza [referring to Prof. Rubicon Soberano who was said to favor girls or give them more attention]. Is this a subtweet? Maybe. How did it reach Luigi? Why did it even reach him? How could they have all known who I was talking about, even Sabby? When I didn’t even use their names???? I really became a viral “hit” in 2019 and nobody told me anything since then. Paolo was even trying to avoid me when I tried to talk to him, “The two are not ready.” Maybe that was my strongest clue that they were about to do April 12 to get me to meet Mike and Audrey. So they really intended to “seduce” me to go upstairs. And further, Luigi “appeared” to review my work by calling it “inaccurate” but entertaining because obviously he’s good at computer science. How would they have known I would see that review? Do they just assume I’m a terminally online stalker? Boy this is such a mess with what they assume I know, and what they assume I don’t know. What if somebody else was really posting about me and I couldn’t see them? And further, you are repressing it, but literally I SHIT YOU NOT Charlson really said on Twitter something like, “Wow, I wasn’t mentioned?” an out-of-context Tweet referring to your diary, which when you checked, was accurate. MY HIGH SCHOOL BATCH got roped into this too. Otherwise, Sir Edward wouldn’t have commented that “Megan who?” or some variation of “____ who” on Ralph’s picture of them both that he had recently released. How could everybody from my batch keep this from me? When I tried to contact Charlson, he outright denied it, so there is no incentive to tell me the truth. They were all instructed to lie to me for a reason. I am still getting at the bottom of the complete story. Seems like my brain won’t shut up about this greatest mystery that has haunted me since 2019. Jan. 6, in particular. When you sensed—and you have every right to trust those—a weird energy in the air especially with Mike’s behavior towards you in Eng 143. I cannot believe some of the things that happened in that classroom. Like him pretending to have a limp. I forgot why. And him announcing nonchalantly in a flirty way that he would “like to see me after class” and smirked to himself in front of the entire class to see. Why would you do that? They really saw my pain then? That is the affirmative action? YOU ARE FORGETTING PAOLO’S POEMS. That sisig one, “sizzling lang sa simula.” The “you always teach me right and wrong” about a “daddy” or something. And “two shy mimosa debating ethics in private.” They were using your lore for writing. Is that it? The point? I don’t buy it. Why would they make me wanna think “I believe I have reached a new low.” I am redacted? OH. I did that to mess with people. See what got you into the 2019 mess? That throwaway line that betrayed your motives: “There’s no harm in revealing their ranks to each other.” Yeah. Paolo’s poems directly clued you into the theme—ALL WRITERS/LIARS GO TO HELL—by him posting these poems on Twitter that told you it was “mutual” when in fact you were played with for some reason. Are they sadists or something? Why were you so stupid to take those at face-value? You were just really desperate and thirsty for his attention. Nothing in art is truthful. Not really, especially poetry. I wonder if they preserved the format of Notion when they access me. How would that possible, though? It’s not a public Notion site? Vico really referred to the A.D.-B.C.??? So it’s there? Vico’s hands are huge in that pic with the mask. 😳 Wow. Maybe this really is affirmative action i.e. they think they owe me. I don’t know how it mutated into people taking my insanity seriously. My 2022 attempt with Ma’am Marby is actually what made them aware of my Notion in the first place. So I guess Ma’am Marby is part of this distantly for some reason. They just tried to access it through the UPD system and correctly assumed I would take advantage of free Pro version for students. The idea that Vico wants me is just feeding my narcissist impulse and fantasy. I was 24 in 2021? Unfortunately I don’t think I can trust whatever is happening in the “Narrative” where discourse lives. Why would they make me think this, even jokingly or half-seriously. That is cruel. Unless this is not what they intended at all. Am I right, or is he basically saving it for “Troubadour.” Why he would admit that is baffling. Or maybe he isn’t saying anything at all. I’m always expecting something like a trap again. Like claiming werewolf ontoglyph. I’m cursed or “blessed” anyhow now that I’ve basically claimed the Red/Yellow Horse and the Holy Spirit (fire - tongues of flame; speaking in tongues). What am I supposed to do as UP again? Write. Also, what can a king do if I am basically “trans” with a “priest” orientation. Or even Clotilde? War and “Deception/False Prophecy.” My mistake is that I think they’re all talking to each other. Maybe they’re just living separate lives but they can still access me or that they don’t actually regularly meet to plan what to post. When I’m dead I hope I go to a knowledge library with the book about 2019 in full. It will be wild. I guess I am never getting answers while I’m alive. 1:22AM: I touched myself and after I orgasmed I got knocked out by the heaviest wave of sleepiness in my life. This has never happened to me in my life. I am so screwed because I read that prolactin that causes this is only released in smaller amounts compared to real sexual activity. WTF????? I can just deduce that my brain now thinks it’s real. Did I lose my virginity? OMG… I just measured 10 inches from my height with a measuring tape and OMG VICO IS SO TALL it’s like I’m a hobbit. Huh. I was actually 21 in 2019 since late October 2018. ### **PROGRESS / MOMENTUM** 1. I don’t know what to write here. I wish I had better news to write. It is 9:43PM and I’m just listening to music. I will stop at 10PM. 2. Your best days are not behind you. You are more capable than you think. 3. You are not using your Daily Planner the way it was meant to be used. Those tasks are not optional. 4. It is Jan. 3 and I’m acting like today isn’t the deadline and am just eating Piattos even though I’m somehow retaining more water because my heart isn’t pumping as well because of my experimentation with meds.