### **Grounding and Essential Routines (ง ͡ʘ ͜ʖ ͡ʘ)ง** - [x] Essential Stack - [x] Again Bruno Mars - [x] DLPA prep - [x] MCT oil - [x] HIIT - [x] Meditation 15m - [ ] Another meditation session 15m - [ ] Practice rap sing-along to get fluid juices flowing - [x] Iron - [ ] Preworkout **Take with fat sources:** - [x] Omega-3 breakfast - [x] Omega-3 lunch - [ ] Omega-3 dinner - [ ] Magnesium + Glycine b4 sleep ### Hermeneutics/Semiotics/Psychophysics/Puso’y Tres ⛰️ 2 Things I realized/re-remembered just in time: 1. It’s like, whenever I’m upset or ragey, I end up saying something that’s true in the LOGOS. Like the daughters (Norr West manifestation), and Gaza (Four Horsemen actual colors). I don’t like the implications, obviously. Will this stop when I consciously realize this is the case? 2. Norr West, like me, could have possibly lost “more than nothing” and became a Nothin++ too. 3. Did they overwrite Yellow Horse for Golden Horse now? WTF!!! Golden sun in the Philippine flag. ### Dreams 🧫 1. Dreamt before 3:20AM: I was in a church hybrid (not a time travel dream, but perhaps an alternate universe dream) that reminded me faintly of the corner I sat on at The Way Christian Ministries in J.R. Borja Corrales, the one with the tithe table with the slit in the middle to drop envelopes with money in it. In this dream, I was sitting for a church sermon with my “Bible” that had been draped in a kind of felt cloth just like a piano with its red felt cover. I ended up bunching it up from embarrassment because it just wouldn’t stop overflowing with cloth. It was a Bible, and yet its cover was a flimsy cloth. I don’t know why. So after that, I had a vague feeling that my dad was there and with a disabled sister too, carrying her. And then I stole/swiped a blue nutty cookie from a tissue. Yeah. Except a maid-looking person saw me and I was afraid she would tell on me and tell the original owner of the cookie when they came back. 1. Two things about this dream I can interpret. It’s directly showing me my “beautiful” character—reminding me of my tithing at like 7 years old giving my hard-earned 100 pesos to the church willingly and enthusiastically. But it’s also showing me my “ugly” side, which is stealing people’s stuff—like swiping Jelene’s drawing of Power Puff Girls in grade 1. 2. I had a wet dream I think. I was being pleasured by a foot—of all things?!—a disembodied foot. And then when I had a false awakening from that dream, there was this Indian girl who was full of snot and saliva on her body, really disgusting image. 3. My next dream was about a TV show thing. I forgot all about it. There was this character being followed I think, and I think they eventually told her she was being watched. And they gave her a tape, or a USB. 4. In another dream, I bought a lot of yellow pad and this gray pad that had illustrations on it. These were big pads of paper. Square and lengthwise, bigger than long-wise yellow pad I’ve been using. 5. No new people in my dreams for the first time in a while, except my dad. These were all random people now. I wonder why… No familiar faces either. No names surfaced. ### Ruminations 🩻 1. The thing about Vic Sotto being able to have a wife and a mistress in 1989 to birth Vico even though they all knew about Paloma who died in 1985. Wow. It’s like nobody really understood the gravity of rape then. They all just looked away. 1. Well, Vico may feel ashamed of it in a way, and may have wanted them imprisoned only instead of the death penalty. He cannot do anything about it anymore, but it did happen. Vic Sotto has a happy ending with a new family, while Paloma rots to this day, buried in the Earth and in the Real World. ### Catchy Wordplay/Puns/Copy/Bursts & Spritz 👑 1. Free(the)bee!!!! 2. “The End?” 1. “I know we just did it, but damn, I want you again.” 2. Amused grin. “Pace yourself, girl.” 3. “You’re not going to make me beg, are you?” 4. (he laughs, pats her head a little condescendingly) 5. “Well…?” 6. “I might…but you know what to do.” His eyes lock onto hers like glue before flitting down to his damp package, still sopping and warm from their tryst, before circling back to her eyes again. 7. (her cheeks burn, but being ordered to do things, well, it’s _him_ we’re talking about.) 8. She’s on her knees now. “Yes, _sir_. Very much yes.” ### Goal/Motivation/Fuel 🛢️ 1. I’m gonna get LASIK or CLEAR one of these days to fix my eyesight. You just need a 12.2k-word story to send to Clarkesworld. ### Progress/Momentum ⚗️ 1. Woke up 5:45AM. Slept 10:45PM, but woke up at 3:20AM to eat something, went back to sleep after 20 minutes I think. 2. Feeling a bit drained even in the morning even with MCT oil. I wonder why. Must be the sleep disruptions. This is just a meh day, I can tell. 3. 4:39PM: Minor progress customizing my Obsidian vault with Ideaverse Zero even though I don’t plan to expand it yet. Tabs look better now. I really like the black and yellow layout. So bee-like. 4. 6:52PM: In the thick of things. Getting books again. Trying to comprehend. ### Weaknesses To Work On 🎛️ 1. Turning off DLPFC (Dorsolateral Prefrontal Cortex) that houses shame and identity that actors and improvisers can turn off at will to enter a flow state of free-flowing associations and self-expression and autobiography with Medial Prefrontal Cortex and become another person. 2. I really did this to myself. Anything that comes easy or cheap is automatically not worth it. This “Swedish candy” from Korea is disgusting and plasticky and tastes like couches and paint and hangars. Cheap = poor quality. Always remember this. ### Social Media 🀄 1. So, US visit at 5AM. My location-time-conditioned brain thought, Compass Rose update probably. Move to South-South East? 150° at 5AM. I have no clue yet why. Is this Brotilde moving closer to me to have Them manifest in my visions/dreams? 2. So Mike’s acedia article from “Catholic Herald” (angel?) has a mention of Princess Diaries!!!!! SHOCKED. ### Songs 🎤 **Deleted? Delighted?** <iframe data-testid="embed-iframe" style="border-radius:12px" src="https://open.spotify.com/embed/track/6GfJIXV6PYZMRWakgIlgJL?utm_source=generator&si=69f04ad12a6a40ce" width="100%" height="352" frameBorder="0" allowfullscreen="" allow="autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; fullscreen; picture-in-picture" loading="lazy"></iframe> **AELLA’S HEART SERVED ON A PLATTER!!! THANK YOU WHOEVER TRIGGERED ME!!!!!** <iframe data-testid="embed-iframe" style="border-radius:12px" src="https://open.spotify.com/embed/track/6wf7Yu7cxBSPrRlWeSeK0Q?utm_source=generator&si=4f88f9fc6d774ab8" width="100%" height="352" frameBorder="0" allowfullscreen="" allow="autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; fullscreen; picture-in-picture" loading="lazy"></iframe> ### Craft 🔩 1. So the “trick” here seems to be, to generalize from such a condensed specific—a novel—that you can truly say is in a class of its own. _Mockingjay_ for its immersive detail and specificity and pitch-perfect everything. How do I imbibe such specific detail and turn it into a generalized method for myself? To be used for anything in writing? It is such an impossible task, and yet you already have the example. The standard, to which all your writing should seek to aspire to. I truly believe I’m not wrong here. My instinct about it being excellent is not misplaced or misjudged. Just because it’s a popular classic book—it’s popular for a reason, it’s the creme of the crop of genre fiction, it’s excellent romance on top of revolutionary ideas, it’s everything—doesn’t mean it doesn’t have merit. It is both excellent and popular. Can you imagine, coming up with something similar? 1. LOOK AT THIS GEM OF A PARAGRPAH (p.236-237) > It’s a bad night in our room. Sleep’s out of the question. I think I can actually smell the ring of flesh around my chest burning, and Johanna’s fighting off withdrawal symptoms. Early on, when I apologize about cutting off her morphling supply, she waves it off, saying it had to happen anyway. But by three in the morning, I’m the target of every colorful bit of profanity District 7 has to offer. At dawn, she drags me out of bed, determined to get to training. 1. Immersive detail: “ring of flesh” burning which she can notice very clearly because IT IS ON HER BODY. Something is happening to characters’ bodies all the time. It just takes one to notice and surface it, something annoying, something they cannot help but notice. They are, in a sense, real people with real senses and bodies that ache, get hungry, get tarnished, get weaker. 2. YOUR CHARACTER is not the only character in the story: “…and Johanna’s fighting off withdrawal symptoms.” Note the “…and” because Katniss actually notices Johanna as if she actually exists, not just a prop, not just a mouthpiece, but a living character who does things with their own motives, and who may or may not impinge on their lives by being noticeable, sticking out in their view, getting our main character’s attention, deserving a mention in the paragraph to segue about talking about their relationship with that character. 2. I never forget that Suzanne Collins was a screenwriter and worked in TV for a while. Being a screenwriter really helped her cinematic eye. Her novel-writing skills are top-notch because she is trained to visualize everything as if they are happening, homing in on the exact detail that holds meaningful and weighty heft in the story. 2. **Emotional logic to encode memory.** Your brain needs to glom onto what the character needs to happen in the story, like, “I need to confess my love.” “I need to make him stay.” “I need to hurt her feelings.” Those are intentions attached to surface level words. It is easier to write, easier to intuit, over words themselves you end up scrambling for anyway. Come up with a skeleton by intentions, and not plot events. Something needs to happen for the character to react, to act, to make sense of a situation, to be a free agent and enact their intention/motivation in the story. They want something, and they need to do something to act out that desire. 1. How did I ever not see this in my own writing before? It’s just so logical now. I’m really glad I stumbled upon that random IG post now. ### Teaching/Repentance/Worship 🛐 1. Even if you believe wholeheartedly in evolution without a narrative at all attached to it, you still have to wonder, why are humans the only ones with language that is _this_ complex and developed. Other animals don’t have this. They don’t write words, they don’t document texts, they don’t mass-produce books for others to read, they don’t attach meaning to their existence, they have no LOGOS stake, or that they do, just on a different plane probably. They don’t even pass their own history forward. They have no cultural capital. They use symbols only primitively. They don’t think about their own thinking. Humans are especially equipped to untangle why we are the only species capable of doing this and for _this_ long. 1. If Jews didn’t believe in the Adam and Eve story (I think I really asked myself this question about three years ago and even posted on Reddit), a Jesus wouldn’t have died wholeheartedly believing that humanity needed to be saved from Original Sin, or the sin of Adam and Eve, an assumption based on the idea that we are fallen inherently—all of us—and that only a Divine human-God would be able to save us. It seems like the most coherent explanation anyway for Creation. Even if it didn’t happen that way literally or wholly. 1. This story has layers—geological layers, really. If you drill straight down, you don’t hit a single “origin,” you hit a stack of cultural sediment. 🪨🧠 2. First: **where the Adam and Eve story comes from.** Genesis didn’t drop out of the sky fully footnoted. It emerged from the **Ancient Near Eastern world**, especially Mesopotamia. You can see family resemblances with older myths: - **The Epic of Gilgamesh**: humans lose immortality through a plant; wisdom and death arrive together. - **Enuma Elish / Atrahasis**: humans are made from clay, animated by divine breath, and get in trouble with the gods. - Sacred gardens, divine trees, serpent figures, and forbidden knowledge were already part of the symbolic vocabulary. Genesis is doing something clever and subversive with this material. Instead of many squabbling gods, you get **one God**. Instead of humans being an afterthought or slave labor, humans are **image-bearers**. Instead of chaos being eternal, creation is declared **good**. Adam and Eve aren’t meant as a lab report; they’re a **theological anthropology**—a story about what humans are like and why things feel fractured. Now the important pivot: **did Jesus “believe” Adam and Eve the way modern literalists do?** That question only makes sense if you smuggle in modern categories. Jesus was a **Second Temple Jew**, not a 21st-century fundamentalist or skeptic. In that world: - Adam was a **representative human**, not primarily a biological claim. - Genesis functioned as **sacred story**, not courtroom transcript. - Truth meant “this reveals reality,” not “this happened exactly like CCTV footage.” Jesus references Adam, Eve, Noah, Jonah, etc. the way philosophers reference myths: as **shared symbolic frameworks**. He never teaches original sin the way Augustine later formulates it. That framework comes mainly from **Paul**, especially Romans 5, where Adam becomes a _type_—a pattern—set against Christ. Which brings us to your sharp insight. **Did the Bible just presuppose a God upset about covenant-breaking?** Yes—and also no. Yes, in the sense that the Bible assumes: - God is relational. - Humans are moral agents. - Something is deeply wrong with how we use freedom. But no, in the sense that this is not about a petty deity throwing a tantrum over fruit theft. In ancient covenant thinking, “sin” isn’t mainly rule-breaking—it’s **relational rupture**. Think less “legal violation,” more “the fabric of trust is torn.” Adam and Eve aren’t condemned for curiosity. They’re portrayed as grasping autonomy _without wisdom_—trying to become “like gods” without the maturity to carry that weight. The result isn’t God flipping a switch to punish them; the result is **exile**, alienation, death—what naturally follows when finite beings try to ground themselves instead of being grounded. So when Christianity later says Jesus dies “for our sins,” that doesn’t mean: > God was mad and needed blood. It means: > Humanity is stuck in a self-reinforcing pattern of alienation, violence, and death—and God enters that pattern to exhaust it from the inside. The cross is less a divine temper tantrum and more a **cosmic intervention into a broken system**. 🩸➡️🌱 In short: - Adam and Eve come from ancient mythic theology, not primitive science. - Jesus operates within that symbolic world without turning it into a literal biology lesson. - The Bible presupposes not an offended God, but a **tragically misaligned humanity**. - “Fallenness” is existential before it’s genetic. The strange thing—and the reason the story persists—is that even if you strip away the literalism, the diagnosis still fits uncomfortably well. Humans reach for godlike power, fracture trust, and then act surprised when the garden feels far away. 🌳🚪 2. Even the order of appearance for the Four Horsemen is oddly synchronous with the Islamic/Arabic Caliphates in history. With red and white, it can be argued even that white came first because red was just all-around and not established as a color maybe until second after white came first. So Philippines is really now functioning as Rashidun, or **Neon Gray Horse,** with the inner lining of our own flag, [red] mania/war in 2019 “Hold Your Fire” Bad Suns post, depression [sickly green]/plague 2020 [with the hope of golden sunrise], famine/economics/politics with Vico [blue], and death/afterlife/Holy Spirit theories of mine coupled with language names theories and all [white]. The clue is in Hashemites being red but coming first anyway. The order is sometimes a little slippery, so the 2-sided coin is Canon now. Yellow/Gold for Prophecy/Deception/”Scam” and Green for Depression/Plague/Sword. 1. The Pale Horseman is **the fourth and final horseman in the Book of Revelation (6:8), representing Death, with Hades following closely behind**. Riding a pale green/sickly-colored horse, this figure is given power to kill one-fourth of the earth using sword, famine, pestilence, and wild beasts. 2. **Key Details and Symbolism:** - **Name & Appearance:** The rider is explicitly named Death. The horse’s color, _chloros_ in Greek, denotes a pale green, yellowish, or ash-colored hue, signifying sickness and decay. - **Role:** He represents the culmination of the catastrophes brought by the first three horsemen (Conquest, War, Famine), finalizing the destruction. - **Associated Power:** Hades, the abode of the dead, follows him to claim the victims. Together, they exercise authority over a quarter of the earth. - **Biblical Context:** The four horsemen are part of the opening of the seven seals in the Apocalypse. The imagery originates from the Book of Zechariah, symbolizing divine judgment - In the sense that the Bible is “about me” anyway, this Pale Horseman has culminated in me dying spiritually a lot in December-January, as I am 1/4 Chinese, or a quarter of the Earth. Since Aella is the “whirl(win)d” or the world too, I’m a small world. Small word irony, since if I’m right, it’s a small world being spread to people in-the-know. Taiwan is Republic of China territory, so since I’m Taiwan, or the “platformed bay” of the world at 120° perfectly ever since I was forced to kneel towards my laptop mentioning that I’m “kneeling toward GOD” in the same breath as Aella a few weeks/days ago, I am China, and 1/4 at that, was destroyed. ### Sensations/Body Stuff 🫟 1. Took Atomoxetine about 12PM. 2. Heartbeat too fast even at rest. Not good. 3. Took caffeine 200mg 2PM. ### To-do ☑️ - [ ] Come up with a list of rookie mistakes Suzanne Collins definitely does not make, like hiding behind verbs to tell instead of show, “She shouted,…” blah blah and uses dialogue to show anger and a well-placed exclamation point. - [ ] Read a shitty book to see why it sucks. Read your work after to improve your phrasing or finesse. - [ ] A hankering to harvest the strengths of Nexus method, Antinet Zettelkasten, Smart Notes by Ahrens, Syntopicon (not the template, I realized, it’s too basic, but the method from other websites), Commonplace book (already in Ideaverse), and of course, Ideaverse Pro itself. CANNOT WAIT. (PRETEND) IT’S INEVITABLE. - [ ] Workbook N.K. Jemisin - [ ] Daniel Keyes Flowers For Algernon study - [ ] Mental Models/Tools for Thought fertilizer - [ ] Wonderbook - [ ] Dark Humor Bloom - [x] Semiotics reading - [ ] Thinking in Systems and Mental Models - [ ] The Open Secret: A New Vision for Natural Theology by Alister E. McGrath - [ ] No Bad Parts Internal Family Systems - [ ] Save the Cat Writes a Young Adult Novel and Judy Blume Guide and NK Jemisin Guide for CW 200 critical essay - [ ] Truth and Fiction in The Da Vinci Code —This idea niggling at me: Mother-Girlfriend relationship in Justine Davidson, mirroring archetype of the Madonna with Mary Magdalene. A possibility that has hounded and haunted history too. Even in the Da Vinci Code. Seems right. - [ ] Julia Kristeva Stabat Mater - really important resource considering she was your inspiration too in 2018. —The essay is experimental, and (in two columns) combines a scholarly investigation of the cult of the [Virgin Mary](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_\(mother_of_Jesus\))[[3]](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stabat_Mater_\(Kristeva\)#cite_note-DoaneHodges1992-3) and of "the maternal" symbolized by the Virgin with a personal account of Kristeva's "bodily and psychic experiences surrounding and including the birth of her son".[[1]](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stabat_Mater_\(Kristeva\)#cite_note-Crownfield-1) ### Morning Pages ⚜️ I’m just looking at some of Vico’s videos visiting his various Oplan rounds and I just noticed that he really seems to love humanity and people in general. You can’t fake that. I wish I had that. Looking forward to March! Otherwise Fellowship will go a long way, that’s $500 automatically, and a little clout to say in query letters to agents. “This novel was granted an Otherwise Fellowship…” would be so cool. Thank you whoever prompted me about Eve. I think Marivic is Pre-fall GOD’s idea of perfection. Since humans are image-bearers, there must be something about Pre-fall humans that exists in Marivic too. I don’t know what yet, exactly. If I’m right about dual GOD, they were a dyadic relationship—Eve and Adam, then Marivic the GOD Parent Duo. The Second Family, essentially. Uncanny Magazine may open again in March!!! Get on it, BOBOBEE (me hehe)!!!! A hankering to harvest the strengths of Nexus method, Antinet Zettelkasten, Smart Notes by Ahrens, Syntopicon (not the template, I realized, it’s too basic, but the method from other websites), Commonplace book (already in Ideaverse), and of course, Ideaverse Pro itself. CANNOT WAIT. (PRETEND) IT’S INEVITABLE. ### SYNCHRONICITIES 🥹 1. 3:44PM. GOD AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. GRAND SYNCHRONICITY/IDEA to make GOD Cousins into in-law relationships because socially they are too, if you squint. Both Stanley and Shawntel archetypes fit in nicely with my Dad and Vico’s mom. 2. My idea too to merge a GOD into relationships borne out of the duality idea. There has to be a reason why GOD made human relationships in this way and relations between each other. You are defined by your position in the tree. Since we are all image-bearers, something from the GODHEAD must work similarly like a Grand Family structure within themselves, partitioned based on role/relationship. The Trinity was said to be a complete Triune Identity working together in harmony, while remaining separate Persons. So inevitably, all 12 (current number of GODs), must work within each other and with each other too. 3. Mae Espada is in on it now, or I must be barking mad. She liked a post about Jennette McCurdy (God is gracious + son of sea ruler)’s novel, Half His Age (our linked interest in Mike) from the Beach Reads Book Club in Pasig!!!!! 4. I still can’t believe my engrams for my Mockingjay “bird” pin—my brain’s consolidation/idea of “bird” got resonated onto the LOGOS to show me Eileen Zayas. Too uncanny. It really has weight. What I think about, what I’m emotionally attached to, emblems and symbols translated materially in real life, ALL OF IT apparently, has weight. So many wolves could have accreted in my life by November, it was inevitable the LOGOS had to say something about it, maybe I unlocked a level of reality on November 1. It’s like I punctured reality and the meaning overflowed to my life in hypnagogia like a pinpricked finger, flowing blood to me. 5. Came up with black bear/polar bear relationship between Antichrist Face and Stella (now South South East). Also came up with Twin Joseph connection and how Joseph the husband of Mary is related to Heli and being the legal Davidic line to Jesus to cement the prophecy. It is an in-law relationship like with the Possibility with Stanley and my dad’s relationship. His name is technically closing the loop between Iwai too and his last name is “son.” I also made Marivic a naked singularity, so They’re no longer ambiguous. 6. BRILLIANT GRAND EUREKA!!!!! YOU SEE WHAT YOU JUST DID? YOU ARE FULFILLING STRUCTURALIST IDEALS BY USING POSTSTRUCTURALIST METHODS. Derrida’s critique of Strauss highlights that instead of structuralism using binary oppositions, we ought to recognize the interplay of differences among the texts which is called structuration, exactly what I’m fulfilling by putting dual minds inside one GOD and the interplay of relationships among the GODHEAD. 1. LOL, you know who Claude Levi-Strauss’s wife is? DINA DREYFUS. DINA!!!! HE’S TECHNICALLY MY SPIRITUAL FATHER TOO!!!!!!!! 7. NEW GOAL! An online Master of Arts in Philosophy and Religion with a concentration in Philosophy, Cosmology, and Consciousness at the California Institute of Integral Studies 8. I found one of my main fields, Analytic Theology!!!!! Also, theological anthropology. 9. Goal: **German first. French second. Latin reading knowledge third.** 1. Think of it as: 1. German = engine 2. French = nervous system 3. Latin = evolutionary ancestry