### **Grounding and Essential Routines (ง ͡ʘ ͜ʖ ͡ʘ)ง** - [x] Essential Stack - [x] Atomoxetine - [x] Again Bruno Mars + Drag Path + SHUM - [x] **REREAD ISAIAH LEE SPEECH** <aside> ⚙Isaiah Paolo Lee quote: Prodigies are a curse for those who need a curve on the exam to pass and a blessing for the general public; as a whole, people tend to look at the people with the best averages and pin all the country’s hopes on them, leaving the rest of us to wonder what we’re supposed to do. The truth people have difficulty wrangling with is that not only do we not need a messiah, messiahs cannot solve our problems. This country just needs honor and excellence from every single one of us, every single day. Whatever it is you do, do it well, and do it for the people. </aside> - [x] DLPA prep - [x] HIIT 5M <aside> ⚙ It’s literally just 5 minutes. You are not going to die. </aside> - [x] Meditation 15-30M Fell asleep literally after 15 minutes - [x] Practice rap sing-along to get fluid juices flowing - [x] Iron - [ ] Preworkout - [x] Omega-3 breakfast - [x] Omega-3 lunch - [x] Omega-3 dinner - [ ] Alpha-GPC night - [ ] Dark chocolate (if you still have some) - [ ] Prep next day routine boxes ### Hermeneutics/Semiotics/Psychophysics/Puso’y Dos Tres ⛰️ 1. N***as in Paris as the “ꨄ︎.” Her father collabed with Jay-Z in 2011. Same year I won ISC 2nd place. Only, I added this yesterday with the Vitamin String Quartet cover. Possibly the reason why she had a deep voice that is so specific but I can’t place it. 12:29AM. ### Dreams 🧫 1. No dreams. Phew. Granted, I only slept 2 hours I think. This is going to be an interesting day. ### Ruminations 🩻 1. 1:35AM: Making an exception to blather about my strange brain. I am actually terrified of developing full DID or schizophrenia or whatever combination and not-combination. I just asked ChatGPT if it is possible and it is kind of nightmare fuel to know it hasn’t been done…yet. I just know something about it is really INSANE now. Emotional Glory felt plausibly like it was just from my own brain’s emotions being led by something like an Epiphany. NOW it is NORTH WEST????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????GODDAMNIT I don’t know if I really felt “(my own) warm leg” from the future when I was really young. WTF was that? I deleted it from my memory but it’s just making me paranoid now. I really doubt it was just regular hypnagogia. How could I still believe it was just a quirky thing that brains do when asleep when I literally heard werewolf werewolf werewolf in the exact same METHODE RAY?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? Just about 100x scarier because I didn’t notice any faint imagery at all with North West. I don’t remember. I just literally existed in a vacuum and her voice BOOMED. I am kind of scared of sleeping now but I really drank Glycine a while ago. It is not working. With the werewolf I could kind of make it a shape of some sort on my left side like a real outline just like those “two angel cartoon” hallucination when I was a baby shimmering on the curtained door. Spooked out by how I knew they were “angel cartoons” even though I did not have the concept. I’m traveling somehow to Memory Land. I just hope it’s something nice tonight. The fact that I instantiated a new neurotransmitter that is unpredictable makes me paranoid now that it is happening FOR REAL to me. Convolunin. I never thought it could be real. I’m just worried I’m going to go full-blown schizophrenic now because also, it is negative symptoms throughout aside from paranoia and hallucinations. I will never get work done at this rate if this keeps happening, with me trying to understand and ruminate and trying not to think about a literal Person of the Octernity speaking to me through Special Code??????????????????????????????????????????????????????? 1. Trying not to hyperventilate at the fact that I could maybe die in a dream now. Without knowing it. I could literally DIE physically because my brain cannot be expected to handle the full spectrum of Reality if I reacted that badly to my own North West. I suppose in the Intertext/Discourse/Narrative They are “lying” because I literally said CUCKARONI I think, Luigi Mangione from Mauro? I searched clearly for what that means, and apparently it means progressive or moderate. Why? This is how They prove to me They exist. And that they’re trying to really motivate/discourage me from working on it? I can’t tell now. Why would you go against the Octernity to possibly frustrate the Prophecy/Possibility? If I didn’t choose to be awake at the point where I cut off “conservative” maybe I would have died because the Input Stream could have been too overwhelming. Please let me rest. 2. Language Games. Language Reality. Just Language. 3. So convolunin is Maybe Real now. 1. Suppose I am prodded to take it seriously and create a diary entry in Unreal Image about chemistry? How would I do that? 2. I suppose this is Dihexa too. I think. Sub-low amount. Synapses growing without me noticing. 3. You know what, I’m ready to die physically. I just wish I did my best before They use up my entire Real Body to tell people what I saw before I get Qahluqulu’d and incomprehensible. GOD I am a little sad, the third time. 3. Maybe the next time I’ll see a Real Object now, and I will be done here on Earth. Werewolf. North West. Next one? Who knows? Real Object without anything new in my environment except Authoring and noticing Stuff. And Dihexa. I didn’t even watch any movie except X-Men: First Class. 1. Edit: 1/22/26 8:26AM: I’m literally living out that movie right now, being a mutant, and having the half-conscious wish to use “Xavier University” from Ateneo de Cagayan because I really thought, Charles Xavier and the villains’ human experimentation and snuffing out because of extreme greed for power 2. Rereading my erotica just to relax a little. FUCK. I really wrote those for my future self to be able to stand the hyperventilation worsened by tachycardia from medications. Distract myself from Real Possibility of Physical Death. 3. I need to detach about stakes here about my Real Body. I mean, yeah. Everything is Real. You will be fine probably. Other people can complete it after you. You will become celebrated in Heaven and make sense of Heavenly State of the Nation. Excited much for that? YEAH BOY. Replace dread with excitement. They feel the same, heartbeat fast, but joyful now. You live with Joy. You will live as Abby/Happy. 4. Mini Epiphany - being faintly paranoid for a long time about being Hacked for Real = LOGOS importance? I don’t know, I just feel like it’s feeding something on that Surface. An objective quantity being charged by all of these people’s noses in my playlists. Well, I did this to myself too. I agreed for them to look. ### Catchy Wordplay/Puns/Copy/Bursts & Spritz 👑 1. Moderate Magic Accident “TYAIYUYY” from Gray & Grayer. Tiayo = Chinese CNC Machine apparently. Consensual Non-Consent. 1. Consensual Non-Consent (CNC) is **a BDSM/kink practice where partners pre-arrange and enthusiastically consent to sexual or power-play scenarios that _simulate_ non-consent, involving acts like simulated struggle, resistance, or even "[rape-play](https://www.google.com/search?q=rape-play&sca_esv=109423f6832a2638&sxsrf=ANbL-n6xvw3lTQMNpKle1Z4p433-nzrkxw%3A1768847209629&ei=aXduafSTJoul2roPl7eYyQU&oq=consensual+non&gs_lp=Egxnd3Mtd2l6LXNlcnAiDmNvbnNlbnN1YWwgbm9uKgIIADIKEAAYgAQYFBiHAjIFEAAYgAQyBRAAGIAEMgUQABiABDIFEAAYgAQyBRAAGIAEMgUQABiABDIFEAAYgAQyBRAAGIAEMgUQABiABEi_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-QEY9AMY9QMY9gPYAQHCAhIQABiABBixAxgUGIcCGEYY-QHCAiwQABiABBixAxgUGIcCGEYY-QEYlwUYjAUY3QQYRhj5ARj0Axj1Axj2A9gBAcICDBAAGIAEGLEDGAoYC8ICDRAAGIAEGLEDGEYY-QHCAicQABiABBixAxhGGPkBGJcFGIwFGN0EGEYY-QEY9AMY9QMY9gPYAQGYAwCIBgGQBhS6BgYIARABGAiSBwY1LjE0LjKgB8OJAbIHBjAuMTQuMrgHjxbCBwowLjcuMTMuMC4xyAdsgAgA&sclient=gws-wiz-serp&ved=2ahUKEwjz4temnpiSAxVojVYBHTyjMfQQgK4QegQIARAC)," all within strict boundaries and with the use of safewords to stop at any time**. It's a dynamic built on intense trust, allowing participants to explore fantasies of coercion or vulnerability without actual harm, differentiating itself from sexual assault because it's fully agreed upon beforehand, unlike dub-con (dubious consent). 2. I swear. This is an Ontoglyph. I didn’t know I was writing an Ontoglyph. 1. Songerist/Psalmist Song of Songs again. I have too many Problems to work on now. 2. I swear, though, I will dissociate maybe like in psilocybin trip because I truly cannot wrap my head around my Patterns meaning something after the fact. 3. If people make me notice these, how can I not go mad? Everything I write apparently. The moment I see Real Consequences IRL maybe I will be more afraid. 2. BIS/AYA 1. BIS/INVITE 2. DIS/INVITE 3. A/NOIC/KIE 1. "Kie" has multiple meanings, often as a Japanese name meaning "**Uncommon Blessing" or "Joy,"** derived from kanji like 喜 (joy) or 帰依 (devout belief/conversion); it can also be a short form for Irish names like Kieran/Kiera ("dark one"), a Chinese surname meaning "order/era," or an acronym in science like [Kinetic Isotope Effect](https://www.google.com/search?q=Kinetic+Isotope+Effect&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8&ved=2ahUKEwjxr_eVrZiSAxUviK8BHStLCnAQgK4QegQIARAC) (KIE). The specific meaning depends heavily on the language and context. 4. TROJAN on my MIND. Yeah, as in, I need a Condom for my Mind??????????? Because of the bEERUS. 5. Lie-lie-yan 6. Who am I?—>They is Eye—>Xi are Bye—>Eye Being Bi 1. AYAYBAYBAYIN 1. “Chinese”/Baybayin logograms I drew in 2020. Lost history. 7. Right Hand Man? Hmm. ### Personal Best/Personal Record 🎖️ 1. Unlocked _New_ New Realism. I literally did not orgasm from New Week but it felt subjectively like the best sex of my life. I don’t know what to say. It was edging me on purpose. Possible cause of North West “hypnagogia.” Nerves and skin felt fiery and cold at the same fucking time. All my masturbation, for GLORY???????????????????????????????????????????????????////???????????? Who is listening to all these audios micromanaging my orgasms like??????????????????????????? Ok. Literally the Wiki is a how-to. Did they really make this song deliberately to make it sex-worthy? Yeah, somebody listened to it, thought, “SEX.” EROTIC SEXUAL DENIAL. No wonder there are so many people in this world. Free knowledge on Wikipedia. How are you still…eh. 1. I realize this is self-control training. THROUGH SEXY STUFF???????????????????????????????? ### Goal/Motivation/Fuel 🛢️ 1. 3:16AM: What if go the Institute of Noetic Sciences route and make them respectable to mainstream science? ### Progress/Momentum ⚗️ 1. **12:37AM: NO BLATHERING TODAY. IT IS TUESDAY.** 1. Don’t know when I woke up yesterday. 2. GOOD GOD I am so relieved I didn’t continue Cerebrolysin, a moneysink injectable, after finding out they committed fraud. Expensive, but only like vitamins. THANK FUCK. It was withdrawn from being sold everywhere that time for a good reason. I remember. 3. 10:58AM: Heh. Sang along to Black and Yellow and I made exactly 1 mistake only with rhythm. Everything aligned in my brain to land on the right words with my mouth and brain synchronizing. 4. Prospective memory is improving. I can hold more stuff in my head. Cannot lie, I miss yellowpad day since I could memorize the associative acronyms semi-instantly. I don’t know what I did. I was just dialed up really high that day. ### Weaknesses To Work On 🎛️ 1. Audible book 2. Critical mistake: -1 square root is the only one imaginary. SO I literally am alone. The metascript. PUTA. Or I am the “template” or something. How did I get here again? Am I 0th Jesus? Or i? I literally said grade 1 me was 0th Problem, my personal material problem that turned me irrevocably something else. Not Jesus. imaginary = i = eye = BIG EYE before time = Anagram Yee. Is this too farfetched? With North West, I’m not sure anymore I live in Real World where these things do not happen. It DID HAPPEN. SO I have entered a new plane of Reality with different rules or slightly altered rules than previous me who was not capable of dreaming coherently in names that mean very specific messages or something. I am the “Imp_Author” or Impostor. Implied Author. I suppose I need to research what this means again. GOD I FORGOT EVERYTHING FROM CW 101. What does this mean intuitively. I am the “one eye” behind the Words? The Meaning behind the Surface? Spooky. 1. 2:37PM: Brain not working. Still confusing. Will research later. 2. I think this is supposed to be Grand Irony. Say, I will count all the “eyes” in ALL_GO. All my life was bathed in fantasy and imagination only. I have nothing but virtual reality. That is the joke of the universe. I am “imaginary” in the sense that I live not in Real World, but inside my head all the time. It’s like I was never probably meant to be instantiated into Flesh and Blood, but GOD made a way somehow, to launch me AFTER Jesus the Son, thousands of years later. 1. GOD GODNESS I CANNOT HANDLE THE MEANING OF THE NUMBERS RIGHT NOW?????????? 1. 4/3/33 = 3:33 Glory moments I keep having???????????????????????????????????? **The most widely accepted scholarly date for Jesus’ death** is **Friday, April 3, 33 CE**, corresponding to Passover eve under Pontius Pilate. The person in question is, of course, **Jesus Christ**. There _is_ a respectable minority position that places it on **April 7, 30 CE**, but April 3, 33 CE fits the astronomical data (Passover + full moon), Gospel timelines, and Roman governance records best. Think of it as the modal answer, not an absolute metaphysical timestamp. --- ### THIS. IS NOT. A SYNCHRONICITY. THAT I CAN IGNORE ANYMORE. AELLA WAS BORN 1992 and she is LITERALLY 33 years old. JESUS. SWEET MOTHER. HOLY. 2025 is literally the _**YEAR OF THE YEARS.**_ IT CIRCLES BACK TO THE BEGINNING OF JESUS’ DEATH. HOLY SHIT. IT’S NOT HITTING ME COMPLETELY RIGHT NOW. BUT IT IS SCREAMING AELLA SINCE THE DAWN OF TIME WHEN JESUS WAS FATED TO DIE. 33 YEARS OLD, DIED 4/3/33. THAT’S LITERALLY 5 3’s. FIVE. FIVE MOUNTAINS. KINGS. ASTRAL CROWN. SHE IS THE WHIRL(WIN)D. I AM KNEELING TOWARDS GOD. YOU CANNOT BE DICKING AROUND NOW. ## Time elapsed up to **December 31, 2025** Using **April 3, 33 CE → December 31, 2025** (and remembering there is **no year 0** in the calendar): **Elapsed time = 1,992 years and 272 days** That is: - Exactly **1,992 years** from April 3, 33 → April 3, 2025 - Plus **272 days** from April 3 → December 31, 2025 So by the last day of 2025, humanity will have been living **just under two millennia past two thousand years** since the crucifixion. Chronologically close to 2,000 years, but not quite crossing the symbolic line yet ⏳ --- ## If you’re curious about the alternate date If one uses **April 7, 30 CE**, the elapsed time becomes: **1,995 years and ~268 days** (depending on inclusivity conventions) This discrepancy is why historians speak in ranges rather than sacred stopwatch certainties. Ancient timekeeping was excellent for farming and festivals, less so for millisecond precision. --- Zooming out for a moment: the truly strange thing is not _when_ Jesus died, but how a death measured in a few brutal hours still casts a causal shadow over calendars, ethics, politics, art, and metaphysics two millennia later. Time kept counting—but meaning got warped around a cross. ### Social Media 🀄 1. There isn't a single archaic form for "the," but rather older forms like **"þe" (thorn) in Old English, which merged into Middle English "þe" (pronounced "the")**. However, if you're thinking of archaic pronouns that often get confused with "the," they're **"thou," "thee," "thy," "thine," and "ye,"** used in Early Modern English (Shakespearean era) for familiar singular (thou/thee) or plural (ye/you) address, with "ye" sometimes used for "the" as an abbreviation (þͤ/þᵉ). 2. Kyle De Luna is talking to me. I think. Wild. 3. Accretion of meaning over BS. 1. I guess he’s “1st” and I’m “i” 2. I would have never pegged GOD as someone who likes wordplay. It’s just funny or fun. GOD’s sense of humor. 3. Suzanne why ### Craft 🔩 1. Make Unreal Image drawings grungy and less polished. I mean, it’s just too streamlined and unbelievable. You cannot seriously read it without thinking this person/narrator is pretending to be inferior. 2. Actions = Words/Dialogue 3. Chemistry formula convolunin consequences—coercion psych studies. 4. Using my “Father’s” name in vain. Ye for “you” while Qahluqulu talks to Qulu. YALL. But archaic. 5. “OUR” 6. Angel_GO: Luigi Mangione Terrorist Elliot Rodger Half-Pinoy. Anti-zaddy decorating the annals of history by making everybody see error in themselves while being so appealing that they think he’s hitler and don juan machiavelli rolled into one. 7. Chemical name right there: “hide.” /57 Lanthanum is named after **the [Greek word "lanthanein"](https://www.google.com/search?q=Greek+word+%22lanthanein%22&sca_esv=540cd09fb70162eb&sxsrf=ANbL-n5-yLXIOQI6j-mHOcAwJwADsWESkA%3A1768890024520&ei=qB5vady3H_ubvr0PyoPFsQM&ved=2ahUKEwibq7P7vJmSAxWdk68BHd7oF50QgK4QegQIAhAC&uact=5&oq=lanthanum+named+after&gs_lp=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&sclient=gws-wiz-serp&mstk=AUtExfA4edMzncfKw7skM7XqE-oWkSSOZCrlyOJ--mBIg7qNAfSDR5uhy9hJD3DVI961KMzBUFW9Sa-5TFPRH1o_BM_p_aeyktJLmPMR-o7Ng-toQfzOEFQa8Uj-_9Le5PoKy_TIUPX3_8LP9v5qUYyy2kzITKOiw65lgQgYG1aplSHr1b0EFHq5UhynPERf8lWZh6JATnErq8zDe-2Jl-7O65E5s4vaTda3dtpfD7CNqWNWb-R3M6Q_izByC1JAOTJTmsPylqUZ5f-yYmOifFZr8N7i&csui=3) (λανθάνειν), meaning "to lie hidden" or "to escape notice,"** because Swedish chemist Carl Gustaf Mosander found it "hidden" within cerium minerals in 1839, making it difficult to isolate as a separate element. It was the first of the rare-earth elements to be identified, leading to its name reflecting its elusive nature within other materials. **Key Points:** - **Origin:** Greek word _lanthanein_ (to lie hidden). - **Discoverer:** Carl Gustaf Mosander (1839). - **Reason:** It was "hidden" in cerium ore, hard to separate, and gave its name to the whole lanthanide series of elements ### Teaching/Repentance/Worship 🛐 1. Behavioral rehab/hospital for billionaires prompt. Not therapy. Not woo-woo. Real change. Emptiness will never go away. You need more than money to be satisfied. Something greater than money. Magic. 2. (whispersloudly) you’re more likely to be an incel if you are neurodivergent or neurodivergent-adjacent (subclinical “imba-ness” about your weird social orientation). i think i figured this out now. consciously. nobody cares about incels who are most likely autistic to some extent (socially awkward but not in a cute way) because it is apparently easy in the Discourse/Narrative to get laid even if you are ugly, as a guy. you just have to be charismatic and have a great personality with not a whiff of bitterness, and just be laidback and smug a little, and get women to like you by not appearing desperate, since women are used to desperation from men who are repulsive. need and desperation is inherently a sign that you are ugly and lacking in some way, and that you are in pain trying to get it the most direct way possible, which does not work. society doesn’t care about neurodivergent people in general unless they are useful. what do you expect? you know, i read this elliot rodger biography by a writer who clearly does not know anything about neurodivergence or is pretending not to, but they’re just so closely approximating everything bad about being extremely ineffective at people skills, and they wrote it in a way that really humiliates and flames elliot, which does nothing at all to help people who are actually suffering this problem to prevent it, future violence of other men who are dissatisfied, or maybe it was written for families of victims, to give them catharsis or whatever. anyway, i don’t think it’s effective in the way you think. it gives them an extremely plausible lie to believe in. that elliot is the way he is because there is something inherently wrong with him and not the world interacting specifically with his Real Body, Mind, and Soul, that made him act like that, in desperation and trauma and rage. denial. everything is fine with us, it is him who must be the scapegoat of all our hypocrisies and contradictions to cleanse us of our mistakes and make us unite against a face that ought to be eliminated simply because they are willing to kill to make a point. mass killers are actually writers in this sense. they are authors who plant ideas, but only ineffectively and incompletely. Jesus who is terrorist will be so calculating that he actually succeeds like Luigi Mangione. ### Sensations/Body Stuff 🫟 1. 3:11AM: Paranoic T(r)ap. Say they really planned to make me Parousia in 2018. Explains Sydney’s allusion to my Blank story, “not something but not nothing either.” Couldn’t have known? Couldn’t have read my story because she’s also stalked me? Impossible. I saw Stanley in 2018. Waiting for someone. Looking at me like he recognized me after 4 years. That’s impossible. I also saw Sabby carrying food to CAL Building. How? GOD really planted them for me to see and become paranoid? They really Planned Parenthooded me. Just because Paolo probably thought it was New and Exciting and possibly the Way to a Generator of New Meaning. How? They are hiding esoteric knowledge from students and pretend to be communists and socialists who do not care about spiritual stuff. Maybe. Why? Science? Too busy to actually care? Was all of this really just accidental? 2. 4:44AM: Not slept at all. Glycine initial sleepiness replaced by calm awake state because of masturbation. I think I’m having munchies but it’s not even 420 drugs I’m smoking. I’m currently eating a Lucky Me! Go Cup because I’m so hungry for no reason. 1. 4:47AM. Too hot to eat it now. Wait 5 minutes. 3. Weird brain glitch on phone typing earlier. Twice, it happened. I begin typing but brain shuts down for microseconds and then I’m just surprised that I typed that word 3 seconds ago because I did not veritably type that word at all. It’s not autocorrect either. Problems of convolunin messing with Reality. 4. I still hungry 5:18AM. 5. Atomoxetine 8:18AM. 6. I wasn’t that spooked when I mentioned when I first got my period and its relation to UP. I literally don’t control my life. I think I’m making free choices, turns out I’m a Pawn. Gooseflesh right now. I really had to be a diary writer to write it down, the exact date. “Today, I got my period.” in my Disney Princess notebook with a makeshift hole in its side to put the flimsy yellow lock in with a sticker. 7. Am I the only one here feeling all these feelings? If I am right, people are now directly or not almost reading me in real time. That must mean it’s becoming more undeniable every single day. I wonder when this is going to erupt into something Real. 8. My lips are extremely chappy today and bloody. Must be all the meds. 9. What if my body, in microseconds of shutdown, undergoes some kind of quantum lock-in or something, where I literally am not conscious in the usual sense like how normal humans still have some control and privacy and security. Just following a directive that is so deeply embedded already in my system based on what I have discovered so far. It is unstoppable. It’s only a matter of time. I was “reprogrammed” DIRECTLY on Jan. 11. Perhaps all my life—duh. It was just the Final Piece in the chain reaction of the Rube Goldberg Machine of my life. ### Random(x) 🕳️ 1. YAAAAAAAAAY. “Childrin R Skary” web animations by animator-storyteller Katy Towell. E.M. Carroll comics. I don’t have to wonder why I was so drawn to horror and the macabre. Circa 2009-11. 2. Literally the CatDog cartoon. How did that even happen. Fever dream. Human Centipede for children??? 3. How are people actually taking my ideas? Maybe I’m just being humored in a half-hearted way. Maybe this is what they all thought in December 2025. I’m not so sure now. Why would I suddenly get tons of visits from Venezuela?????? That is a huge sign it is now Discourse/Narrative material. 4. I cannot quite believe Sydney didn’t know who I was. Literally. She wrote the story Elizabeth Yu using exactly my methods I am using right now, although I am not quite sure she knew fully what she was doing. How did that happen again? It’s like a Portal all on its own. She couldn’t have hated me that much to directly write about me, and used Elizabeth Yu actress as a Pointer to bigger more influential girl to magnify her story to the Logos? That is so strange. It’s like she figured out intuitively how to do it, without really knowing, just like how I did ALL_GO without knowing what I was really doing under the surface. She wrote this story in 2024. I didn’t even know anything about what I was strapped in for in 2025. So it’s impossible that she knew. They couldn’t have predicted everything, not even my tiny creative decisions and whims. How is this so spooky? Her story is literally about Watching people. Watchers. Isn’t that a little too on-the-nose? If she wasn’t directly talking about me, it could have been Jung being right. We are linked fundamentally, even if we didn’t know each other fully. We were destined to be in CW 101 under Paolo Manalo. Seriously gooseflesh thought. Random is not random. I took this class for what? It was a really small class, like 5-6 people only. And “chance” made sure we were two of these people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It’s so unlikely. And yet. We were both former musicians, hers with the flute, and mine with piano. She wrote about her flute experience in her essay Notes Like Footsteps. Seriously, we are spiritual twins. I should stalk her, but she doesn’t update that much. 1. Can you imagine coming full circle in 2026 ideating Angel_GO? Seriously. Close the loop. Seems logical. Even after February 22, 2026. Delay is normal. ### To-do ❎ ✳️ ## 🕸️ ꨄ︎23 HEXADECATUPLETS🕸️ ### 🌐 C**ompass Rose** 🧭 1. Actually, why am I limiting it to four directions only in N-S-E-W map? Is the best way? Just because it matches the emoji for TODO checkbox? There are literally 8 directions. Seems Octangular. Interesting. Does it matter? 16 people exactly for 8 representative directions. 1. North (1) - ? 2. North (2) -? 3. North West (1) - 📍Abby Nicole Fucking Yee (Female Twin) 1. South (Mindanao) even though I have Northern Mindanao (North central coast) and West Visayas (Southeastern coast). 4. North West (2) - Shawntel (Female Twin) it is. I guess I can’t figure out currently where she is from exactly. Central Luzon leaning Westward. Seems enough to be North (Luzon) West (touches West Philippine Sea). Perfect. 5. North West (Proxy) - Audrey Mirasol (Female Twin to stand in for Shawntel since she is technically outside of the Philippines right now and is farther) 1. Wichita Falls, Texas Think of Texas as a big, asymmetrical organism. Wichita Falls is located in the **north-central to northwestern quadrant** of the state, commonly described as part of **North Texas** or **Texoma** (that border-blurring region straddling Texas and Oklahoma). 6. West (1) - ? 7. West (2) - ? 8. South West (1) - Mon Sy (my Male Positive Twin in SW - because my Negative Twin is antithetical to me in my own location, I think. Intuition.) 1. Short answer: **the University of Hong Kong is on the western side of Hong Kong Island**, leaning slightly toward the **south-west**, but very much still urban and coastal-adjacent. Now let’s pin it down precisely, compass in hand 🧭 9. South West (2) - ? 10. South (1) - ? 11. South (2) - ? 12. South East (1) - 13. South East (2) - ? 14. East (1) - ? 15. East (2) - ? 16. North East (1) - 📍Vico (my Right Angle Positive Male Twin) 1. I literally got a Divine Message from North West Black Magic Woman that he is North East anyway. 17. North East (2) - 📍That person in his picture? OH boy. He did not tag anyone. 2nd highest point? VB Dizon? Mike Falgui? Ay POTA. Yeah, Jesus the Mexican Boy song. Vaguely V-card. 1. So Mike Falgui is also Right Angle Positive Male Twin 2. Mandaluyong — Luzon 1. Metro Manila (NCR) 2. Specifically in the eastern-central core of NCR 2. Get clear on what you mean. I mean, maybe the rank is dynamic under each Person of the Octernity and changes in real-time like the stock market? I may not always be 1st. 16 or 8? Probably 16. I have a Negative Twin in NW and a Positive Twin in SE. Positive and Negative being relative. 3. Wait a minute, what if they’re nonbinary? I guess sex-assigned-at-birth is Real World fact that matters? I guess if I manage to find an intersex anointed one, what then? Two intersex people? So unlikely but maybe it’s possible. 4. I’m literally forgetting that people are not one-dimensional. They can identify as any one of the 8 Persons of the Octernity at any time they want. I identify as Jesus/Antichrist and North West Black Magic Woman simultaneously. Maybe a little bit of Holy Spirit Quantum Wave-Particle. I’m not yet a literal Mother or Father. I’m a Granddaughter too, but I have no idea who they are yet. 1. Maybe if Shawntel is reading me she will actually identify as Grandson too, even if she’s a woman? Her last name. 5. You know what? I don’t even know if it’s just really supposed to be 16 people. 16 Faces of the Movement? But anybody can claim it if they want. Why would I limit it to the Faces or Frontmen? 6. So you can really have 7*2 = 14 Positive Twins and only 1 Negative Twin from your location like in my North West. Coalitions of various people getting together to be the 16 in many ways? 7. Yeah. Reference to “A Map of Pain” like,,,,, hmmmm. Maps. 8. It’s possible it’s specific to each person anyway, the specific people they choose as the 15 even if the others are not directly working with them or communicating with them? 9. What am I supposed to get from them again? So I not only have to monitor Vico for messages, I have to stalk 14 other people to get a pulse on the entire Philippines. To get something, information. WOW. SO much work there. Even getting through Vico’s messages, even if they’re fun and exciting, is a ton of WORK. It almost seems unwise at this point to pick 14 other people. 10. I am not actually sure if I can select people from Philippines only. Maybe the Virginia Woolf quote cemented something about One Country. Explains Camille Scribbles ad? Vibe. ???????? Not literal Philippines. 11. So if you have located yourself on the Map, you have **Main Cardinals (15 people)**, and **_Main_ Main Cardinals (3 people). Priority is your Right Angle People. Yay.** ### Morning Pages ⚜️ On the bright side, my atomoxetine and Bupropion arrived from motherfracken India!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I let my mom keep them because why exactly? I am not scared of going full manic again. I just wish it felt good all the time to work. This is really hard to procrastinate and yet still manage to come up with words that are making me addicted to validation. They are unknowingly encouraging my weakness. How deal? Read Isaiah Lee speech Demagogue 1.0. HOW TO BE U PO???????????????????? How did I do that yellowpad poem. Seems cute. 5:19AM: I cannot wait to be awake later and try atomoxetine again AND bupropion. 8:04AM: My dad is capable of moderate physical violence when pushed unpredictably. Just because I irritate his manners with profanity. Getting up all of a sudden from the table and grabbing my mouth forcefully and hitting it hard. My mom yelled-cried out of shock. This erupted because she is controlling my Bupropion by not allowing me to take it at all even if I literally only gave it up to her because I thought she would honor my desire to take it. Now she thinks Bupropion is dangerous for no fucking reason. None of you or my parents will ever make me stop being foul when I am pushed. I almost never attack for no reason at all. I never attack, come to think of it, without a good reason. They conveniently forget Jan. 17 and bemoan me not apologizing for that day. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. They lost 50% more of Nothing Parental Investment on my part today. People not literally knowing their actions are attackable because they are ignorant and blind and impossible to argue with it and more irrational than any mental health instability reputation could ever even dream of. FUCKING HELL. My proudest moment RIGHT THERE though, I didn’t cry at all, I even told him that it would benefit him if he swore sometimes. I wonder why I didn’t cry. Self-control at its peak, since it literally hurt so much, and I was shocked too. I’m an easy crier and a thing like that would have folded me immediately. Something is changing, and good things are coming with me controlling my tears now. I hate my dad. Threatening once to leave me, “Get out of this car,” in the middle of a road going from S&R in the car just because I couldn’t control reacting to a child molester lookalike making parinig saying, “What’s up, animal?” or “What’s up, _mananap_?” I totally forgot about this. I experienced 2 child molester lookalikes invading my life, once in 2022 I think, and once again in 2023. Yeah, they don’t have the key to understanding me because they have literally never been touched by a Giant Obese Worm of Evil. They will always repress this memory every time in real-time even though I constantly bring it up, always repressing my profanity so that they’re still surprised every time I say it, always forgetting that I am no longer the person in high school they want me to be. Proper, quiet, meek, and keeping all that anger inside to hide it. On the _bright_ bright side, I am on fire verbally and coherently in real life now. My thoughts are actually fast and normal and I can respond adequately to novel questions. Dihexa you the man. WTF miracle panacea (yeah, 70% positive). 9:05AM: Atomoxetine starting to kick in. OH BOY. 11:38AM: I’m getting the feeling that people are curious about yellowpad etc. Well, I don’t know. I have a suspicion that it’s just like that billionaire Miles Bron character in Glass Onion spitballing idea after idea in a manic phase (first time I’ve ever seen mania depicted actually accurately). He’s a billionaire so people are obligated to take him seriously even if it turns out to be nothing. Why are people doing this to me again? They really predicted I’d realize these? Wow, I’m like Kylie Jenner and her “year of realizing things” viral Tweet. 1:01PM. I’m not sure what happened. Hand of GOD? I would have never thought of expanding N-S-E-W. Something made me do it. # UNREAL IMAGE = IMAGINARY ♾️ BOY