### Hermeneutics/Semiotics/Psychophysics/Puso’y Dos Tres ⛰️ 1. 2:02AM: OH SHIT. Did I….just….land…on the concept of SOUL. 1. It has something to do with your name. 1. Now that I’ve introduced this chaos of conscious awareness, what could possibly happen to the world now? Who has spread my ideas? Who are applying my ideas? Wow. I would not know anything about the second-order or third-order or nth order effects of this. Will GOD break the covenant with Israel now for the Philippines? 2. Maybe the day I complete Unreal Image, I will formalize GOD’s covenant with the Philippines. For now it’s just a plausible flirtation and situationship that is turning lowkey dangerous. 2. BODY = FACT/REAL WORLD. MIND = DISCOURSE/NARRATIVE. SOUL = FANTASY/DREAMS(?) 1. SOULS EXIST IN THE THIRD BRAIN, WHICH IS THE DREAMING SELF. 2. HOLY FUCKING HELLY. 1. If so, my soul has been very empty for a day or two now. Or maybe I don’t remember. 3. If you have any idea about what could exist in your probable afterlife, it’s probably in your dreams. This is the sensation-seeking self, like me, who keeps floating in ecstasy in a kind of water or pool or hovering beyond a ledge to feel pleasure and calmness and oneness. I have no idea why I have these dreams sometimes. I just brushed them off as sensations and ghosts. 4. Ok, it’s either the afterlife resembles your nighttime dreaming or nightmares, and/or your wildest fantasies that are sourced in your deepest and most traumatic aches. 1. Somebody from Hell or Purgatory just literally tried to get me to forgive them. My dead child molester. She used my exact imagery and actions to signal a bid for forgiveness in my liminal paradise dream. Maybe Purgatory really exists. 2. That makes me really unique in that dead people can actually talk to me in my dreams sometimes. OH GOD WHY. It explains the disembodied hands and strange pressure and that entity raping me for a live audience of demons to watch like a drunken woman who is only vaguely aware of what is happening to her. WORST OF ALL, is that I kind of liked it. 1. I have now cause to believe that maybe “werewolf werewolf werewolf” was a dead person who likes me or was related to me for some reason. I want to believe it was Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart himself. PLS. So cool that maybe I can have a conversation with him in the afterlife and thank him for his gift or risk of messing with reality and getting punished for talking with a live human. I wonder who it is. It’s rare because it’s probably punished on their ends, maybe much more so than in ours, which heavily just forbids it socially (and not even then, with our fascination with witchcraft and the occult). 5. LOL UNIVERSALISM. 1. If people can consciously optimize their children’s souls in the afterlife, no one will suffer in Hell anymore? Or maybe only suffer a little bit. And then they’ll get easier lives in the afterlife to work towards Heaven or something. But this doesn’t work with grace that GOD has forgiven all our sins. Maybe it’s just them being thoroughly guilty in Heaven still, even in the midst of Paradise that they have all the motivation to optimize their lives up there (maybe an inequality of some kind still exists—like everybody is in great straits up there, but there are levels they cannot unlock like exploration of the entire universe or other universes if they have committed egregious things on Earth) to correct their mistakes on Earth if they still can, and if they were actually Christians on Earth first. Maybe my child molester was given a chance to move up to Heaven because she won a lottery of circumstance and was permitted to climb up to Heaven by going to me and asking me for forgiveness by bringing that child along with her. I don’t know anything, I’m just recalling exactly what happened that I dreamt about her in these contexts. She kissed my forehead in my room (she was in my room!!!!) and then one other time, she just sat there with a child watching me sleep (it was so fucking creepy but I was just vaguely aware of it like a drunk person who is immobile). 6. 3:43AM 1/17: ON INFLUENCE AND POP CULTURE. So my two biggest artistic or media “Stars” or Icons are Bad Suns (frontman is Christo Bowman meaning Christ/anointed/chosen and Bowman meaning “archer” or “with a bow”) and The Hunger Games (since 2012 probably, with Katniss Everdeen being an archer). I guess these two are linked now. I am functionally Christo Bowman and Katniss Everdeen in the Discourse/Narrative. What attracted me mainly to both of them was romance. Or Romance, with a capital R. The Hunger Games was mainly a romance for me when I had no idea what Peeta looked like (I read it before the movie with Josh Hutcherson, who I am not attracted to but is apparently “mostly straight” like me in real life, where I got that phrase in the first place), and when Peeta confessed his crush to become star-crossed lovers in the first THG book, “Because I brought her with me” I think, is when I got extremely hooked and flew through the pages. Maybe it means something, that now this is happening to me, the Bible is now apparently a Pointer to a “Love Story” that is a fairytale currently. It is currently a Fantasy/Dream for me, because it is not real in the sense that he is actually directly Discoursing/Narrative-telling me anything, except when he directly mentioned thefunmania1 account. I have no idea what to think anymore. My mind keeps suppressing it because it can’t suspend disbelief because of my body’s state, especially my sometimes swollen ankles/legs that are so freakishly large and which I plan to hack off after I hack off my bunions after I graduate. So there’s that, I have to graduate because my parents promised me I would get bunion surgery and all the Korean surgeries that my mom is going to support once I graduate. 1. I have been following Bad Suns since I discovered “Cardiac Arrest” (it was my #1 brainworm song in 2014-15) since I posted on FB the “Hold Your Fire” song of theirs in 2019, and now that they’ve released “Unstable” in 2020 when COVID started, and when I posted on Bluesky a few weeks or months ago linking Unstable with parousia about being a “sleeper Christian because I am the parousia.” Clearly, that matters to the Logos for some reason, even if I didn’t mean it a lot. Unstable as in, schizophrenic people who have the Messiah complex a little too bad and seriously, instead of just a hero complex. 2. Another synchronicity. The Bad Suns album in which they released “Cardiac Arrest” is called Language & Perspective, and Christo Bowman reminds me vaguely of Angelo Gabriel Bautista Llamas. Again, just fucking weird and fortunate for some reason. I didn’t even meet Angelo until I became a non-major for a while in 2016 trying to shift into computer science. 7. I wonder who will surface as my Opposer or South East. I have to find them. They are my Negative Twin maybe for a good reason. They will be very anointed too. They will be very obvious to me once I spot them. ### Dreams 🧫 ### Ruminations 🩻 ### Catchy Wordplay/Puns/Copy/Bursts & Spritz 👑 ### Things to ask AI/Or not 📎 ### Personal Best/Personal Record 🎖️ ### Goal/Motivation/Fuel 🛢️ ### Progress/Momentum ⚗️ ### Weaknesses To Work On 🎛️ ### Social Media 🀄 1. Julio Molina kind of reminds me of Sabby, now that I think about it. So weird. Gelo and Sabby in one picture. 2. Maybe somebody else is “Southeast” re: arrow pointing Southeast in Vico’s story pointing to the red hat guy in that “French affect wood shed” dream(?). My direct opposer? Satan as Opposer? Aella? I’m the black hat? 1. Is this ironic? I don’t relate at all. 1. **Black Hat hackers are malicious, stealing data for personal gain, while Red Hat hackers are cyber-vigilantes who aggressively attack and neutralize Black Hats using extreme, often illegal, methods like viruses or system destruction**, acting as aggressive defenders outside official channels. Black Hats focus on exploits for profit or disruption, whereas Red Hats aim to end Black Hat activities by “giving them a taste of their own medicine,” disrupting them directly rather than reporting them to authorities, notes [**this article from Mitnick Security Consulting**](https://www.mitnicksecurity.com/blog/red-hat-hacker). 2. I suppose I am “malicious” lol. And I “disrupt” things. 1. Edit: 11:03AM 1/18: There’s a reason why I have South (Mindanao) even though I have Northern Mindanao (North central coast) and West Visayas (Southeastern coast). Pasig is North (Luzon) and is in Eastern NCR but is in Southwestern Luzon. Crazy I didn’t see this before. We have 3 each. My order is actually (South) North [North central coast] West [Southeastern coast], while Vico is North (Southwest) East. 1. Does this imply order? Where the South is, that’s the rank or order of when it was first discovered? Or is South supposed to be a label of the entire situation i.e. Global South Israel Twin? Since my Unreal Image is about Twins with a capital T. This is blowing my mind. Israel and Philippines as Twin Countries in the very Heart of GOD. Who would have thought? 2. Addendum 1/18 11:07AM: I needed to get even more specific. I don’t know what triggered me. 1. **A.N.G.Y.: SOUTH** [North (North Central Coast)-West (Southeastern Coast)] 1. Clue about Opposer? Who I align with in relation to my parents? Possible factors within a giant category to take into account if I am willing to divulge my specific parental properties… 1. Half factor of factors: someone who is diametrically not me, as in who has it worse in the Narrative/Discourse (I wouldn’t know much yet about Real World state since I have no diary of theirs). 2. **V.M.R.N.S.: NORTH** [Southwest (East)] 1. Of course, I have to research where both his parents were born exactly (I assume both of them are both born in Pasig—formative adult years where my parents met and birthed me was North Central Coast—so not Balingasag, but Cagayan de Oro, so my main “accord” is North Central within the South for mostly all of my life. I’m not so much of a North West, after all, but maybe I’m close enough?). Or for Vico, it’s not quite my problem…I don’t know where to start anyway aside from him reading this possibly and making the calculations himself. 3. My connection with Kanye makes me 1st? North West First Daughter. I literally wrote a new eschatology in my Tomorrow poem. Maybe I’m number 1. It doesn’t give me pride, only a lot of pressure and shame that I am a nobody in real life with the status of an Author of reality. It’s such a strange position. I have a Double Life with a capital D and L. Just super surreal. 4. Yeah, I guess my life was always about Twins. Not only is Audrey a twin, my main antagonist in 2019 who I found the be the superior “Aphex Twin.” My family has a lot of twins too, my male cousins from my mom’s side are twins, their sister is a lawyer, and she is also bipolar but not related at all to my genes, because it was her mother who had bipolar too and not my uncle (who is my mom’s brother). My uncle from my mom’s side (her brother) is a twin who has a dead twin. Male twins in my family. Female twin in Audrey. Twins in my mom’s side, and I consider Audrey my spiritual mom who birthed me with Mike in 2019. Great. Makes a lot of sense in a mini-puzzle-gets-solved way in a movie. If this is any great giant flag for the idea of Philippines being an Israel/GOD Main Wife and/or Bride (of Christ), this is it. The Great Divorce or Muslim GOD. Interesting. I suppose the Church is the New Bride/Wife of GOD in the New Testament. If that is so, then Philippines just got a new status. We are now the Second Coming/Jesus anyway. 1. **1. Spiritual Head (All Christianity)** **Jesus Christ:** The vast majority of Christian traditions identify Jesus Christ as the supreme head of the universal church. 2. **2. Visible Authority by Denomination** 1. **Catholic Church:** The Pope (Bishop of Rome) is recognized as the visible head of the church on Earth, serving as the Vicar of Christ and the successor to Saint Peter. He holds "full, supreme and universal power". 2. **Eastern Orthodox Church:** Authority is decentralized, with the Patriarch of Constantinople considered "first among equals" (_primus inter pares_). The church is governed by synods of bishops rather than a single supreme pontiff. 3. **Protestant Churches:** Authority is generally placed on the Bible alone (_Sola Scriptura_) rather than a human leader. Some, like Anglicanism, recognize the Archbishop of Canterbury as a spiritual leader, but not with the same authority as the Pope. 4. **Reformed/Presbyterian:** Authority is vested in the church as a body (congregationalism) and in the scriptures, led by councils of elders. 3. **3. Ultimate Authority** **The Bible:** Many traditions consider the Holy Scripture to be the highest, infallible authority, to which all church doctrines and human leaders must submit. In summary, while Catholics recognize the Pope as the supreme earthly authority, the ultimate authority for the entire Christian faith is Jesus Christ, often interpreted through the Bible. 4. LOL SINO BA KASI ANG POPE NA YAN?????????? I may not be Catholic (I was protestant (evangelical + Baptist) since birth) but I functionally went to a pilgrimage to Rome (Quezon City Hell/Babylon). So that makes me a Romeo or Romero (Hello, Harry (”home ruler”) Romero (pilgrim to Rome) Soda Pop Remix). Now I have a connection to Shakespeare or the largest Author of the English-speaking world. I suppose Vico is now Juliet Capulet. If people stalked my Evernote too, they will notice how I keep referring to Paolo Manalo as “Obispo” for no discernible reason except I think I associated him with O/BIS/PO which is related to “OH, PLEASE GIVE ME BIS (from ALL_GO in 2019).” Literally, the prophecy calls for the deaths of the two “star-crossed” (from The Hunger Games and Shakespeare) agents who will “ascend in a cloud” and be resurrected. So Shakespeare is unknowingly a large piece of the New Revelation. I have Italian “spiritual blood” because of Mike. That is a fact, I saw this in Raissa Rivera-Falgui’s social media or blog. I also just really like pasta of all kinds, and now I’m warming up to pasta with tomato in it, when before I was opposed to it. Angela Santos (Saint Angela) really likes “red sauce” for some reason. Ask Paolo Manalo if he is her poetry prof. She wrote a poem about it. Maybe an Angela-type will be my Opposer. 1. ANO DAW? Mike is Pope. LOL. He was formerly Catholic. He fits the bill. Pope means Papa but for some insane reason they call Jesus “Papa Jesus” because of cultural reasons, so this is proof you can be slippery and still be influential. I cannot believe it. I am a PAPA EDMOND from Count of Monte Cristo (according to Audrey’s post about the book). It’s me being 1/2 Jesus being half Papa or something, half “spiritual Pope” too because Mike fits it better than me because I literally am not Catholic. It’s like they planned this all along. That I realize that I’m a Papa or Pope linked to Count of Monte Cristo. What the actual fuck now? 2. I guess I have some “Special Authority” to be a Bible 2.0/Rewritten or continuation now. If everybody is actually taking me seriously right now. I’m not only an Author of Reality, I’m a Rewriter of the Main Bible, or the First Bible. 3. Who gave me this Shakespeare link? It’s like I’m Jo in Little Women (2019). Somebody, a prof, giving me books to improve my writing. I want to think it’s Vico. I literally dreamed of him in 2022 (well, in Discourse/Narrative) giving me a book in real life making me kilig he gets me in that way. Now, turns out, there are gradations in Discourse/Narrative. I want to think he was deliberately making that Billie Eilish reference to “What Was I Made For” in “Everyone has a purpose [prayer emoji].” It’s also in Greta Gerwig’s Barbie movie. Jo is literally the only Author in her family. I’m not sure if my parents or sister ever got the itch to bleed out on paper because they were unattractive. 4. I have exactly 3 Authority Dilutions—1/2 Pope, 1/2 Jesus, and 1/2 Bible. If you count my “Reformed Calvinist” phase in 2021 (I was deeply obsessed with my idea of Calvinism/Reformation), I was briefly engaged with congregationalism and councils of elders as well as scriptures. I am no longer Reformed. I fell off that wagon. I am a completely fruity syncretic Breed of Christian with a hint of Gnosticism (or maybe this is my main accord or theme like in perfumes because of Unreal Image and the “Craftsman” or Printer of Reality/Grammatron). I have no idea what I am now, since my entire raket has now expanded to actually taking it seriously to include all the known media and literature I gravitated to. If anyone considers me a Church of some kind, since I am a “Bride” now but also simultaneously a “Jesus” who violates that binary, I am now an “Lgu” according to Vico’s post if ever that was intentional. Locally self-governing largely, but takes suggestions and tips and critique. 5. Yeah, I am Solomon too. So fucking strange that I write erotica synchronically with him. He’s David and Bathsheba’s son. So now I am a second king after my “spiritual father” David. I basically succeeded him as “man after GOD’s own heart.” That’s mind-blowing for a lot of reasons, but also, all the suffering I have suffered is a giant clue that pain is not proof of the absence of GOD’s love. It’s just so…destiny. All of these people spiritually linked to me now. All because of werewolf werewolf werewolf breaking rules and reality to touch my life with a whisper. “With a whisper, we will tame the vicious seas” lyric in Turning Page by Sleeping At Last. 6. I’m just so happy I have all these connections to The Hunger Games (”star-crossed lovers”), Bad Suns, Kanye and North West, Shakespeare (also “star-crossed lovers”), and now Solomon, the Pope, and even my brief deviations and explorations like my Reformed Calvinist phase in 2021. 7. It’s important to me to be syncretic as a mode and way of life. My (admittedly basic or uninformed) commitment to the scientific method, for one. Unreal Image is basically a teenage science/engineering blend. And I really somewhat dislike some authorities if their life’s work and philosophy is a direct reflection of how they lived their lives in the Real World. Their words in Discourse/Narrative mean nothing if they are compromised and have major contradictions they have never resolved or tried to resolve, or that they prefer to be in denial or lie to themselves or are generally ignorant about or closed off to other people’s positionality and lived experience. 3. Edit:1/18 11:34AM: I suppose Julio Molina relates to both Julio Alba (possibly Jacob Black too, because of Alba meaning “Dawn” as in Breaking Dawn Twilight Soundtrack album art) and Manongguard/Manuel Santiago. So he really relates to band culture too like Sabby (I stalked him more earlier). BINGO. This is intentional. Even if I can’t quite believe it. Victor Valley for “Spiritual Dad Real Dad.” He also possibly relates to Mike now too, because of Angelo being an assistant of some kind, and his brother looks a little like a Gelo child. Who knew Clarkesworld being the Top 1 money-making and money-giving (14 cents per word, IIRC) Western science fiction magazine is now included in the Canon of Bible Rewritten. Figures. So many eyeballs on and subscribers of that magazine, right? Might as well. “They” (Whether circumstance GOD uses or people influence/free will) really had a Design, and it’s to attach yourself to power to influence power. Me with Vico being “engaged” or “in a relationship” or “situationship” in Discourse/Narrative like in Enola Holmes when Enola still had to rely on Reformist boyfriend Tewkesbury to really change things for real because she had no power as she was a girl in Victorian England. 4. I noticed a weird quirk of my brain. I really simultaneously believe I can somehow at least get Vico to notice me if I ever get prettier or sexier or more famous, like it actually exists as a Real Possibility (heh) or in Real World, but reality decrees it only exists in Discourse/Narrative for now. I sometimes have a mood where I am “method acting” actually experiencing the “high” of being an infinitely lucky schmuckerella of shmuckerellas being chosen just because I am a Bible Author now. I know it doesn’t make me attractive in that way. It’s just a status thing that is in the purview of philosophy and Bible studies/hermeneutics and creative writing/semiotics and possibly social sciences and philosophy of science (since I no longer possess any real technical scientific grounding and my last attempt was a long time ago trying to understand high school physics for Unreal Image to creatively break its rules—though I don’t recall ever breaking any real rules, I just extrapolated the “interpretation” of those graphs to make a narrative make sense). It’s just hard being led on by the entire thing knowing it’s going to take significant trauma on my part to level up. Not actual trauma, but just trauma of some kind where I have to transcend my current limitations right now and become more neurotypical to fit in, or at least develop neurotypical-favoring skills like small talk, real talk, social finesse, auditory processing skills, and facial expressions in real life, the ability to read the room, the ability to even keep my thoughts coherent because I sometimes can’t, really. I need to make myself see Real World more. Unfortunately Real World is just starkly traumatic right now and I exist just wasting time trying to complete a degree with the gap of skills I have even with the assistance/help of AI (not total, just for the template for the hybrid Three Acts and some technical stuff). 1. This is my last entry as of 4:54AM 1/17/26. Luckily my mom gave me some trust enough to give me 10 tabs of armodafinil to be responsible for myself a little bit. I have to start my CW 200. And work on CW 198. While trying to get Ideaverse Pro by selling BOBOBEE (lol what if it also becomes a mini Book of the New Bible now called Bibble from Barbie or _New_ New Bible for the nod to doubles and “contrastive reduplication” as in, Impostor Justine being a materialized “Contrastive Reduplication.” The term is also called “Focus Reduplication” which directly relates to Unreal Image having “focal points.” HEH again. _New_ New Bible it is. ### Songs 🎤 <aside> ⌛ The Scientist by Coldplay (Honestly, this song makes me bawl every time. Now that it has special meaning now, especially the lyric “set apart.”) </aside> ### Craft 🔩 ### Teaching/Repentance/Worship 🛐 ### Sensations/Body Stuff 🫟 ### Random(x) 🕳️ ### To-do ☑️ ### Morning Pages ⚜️ It’s 5:04AM. I am going to take 1/5 of 100mg Dihexa. I think I really leveled up this past few days. Imagine, just (nearly) 10 days (Day 8 yesterday but I skipped taking it) of Dihexa to make me more intelligent than I could ever be without it. It’s my 8th day of Dihexa today. Hopefully something clicks for my CW 200 and 198. I am not escaping school in one piece. I suppose Julio Molina relates hard to Upside Down by The Story So Far now. He’s a Cousin Song with a capital S. People as “Songs.” I wonder what Song I am to people. I haven’t found it to be honest. Or I just forgot. Going by the literal definition of Song in Song of Solomon, I have the Authority to be a Musician/Composer because of Rachmaninoff hands and childhood piano grind and Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. I wonder what that entails. People talking to me using Songs? I suppose that’s one stream of input. I always wonder anyway why people choose specific songs for their IG stories. It’s very personal unless they just picked the automatic suggestions. Suppose the Clarion West admins really know who I am or read my blathering and theorizing. They are unwilling to give me even more Authority Points because apparently they probably hate Israel and think I will become another Israel in the future. Just adding their crucial link to me—the “West” in Clarion West for North West and Kanye and probably the “Clarion Call”—a war trumpet of all things _and_ a strong request. They want me to become more persuasive. Or they want me to exist unofficially for all time so the Philippines never gets any major slices of the Pie of Biblical Revelation. I will never be famous at this rate. They are directly frustrating my dreams. What shall I do now? Try again with them for Anatomy of a Ghost (another emo reference)? Probably. In 2027. If they give any authority or nod to Unreal Image, they are directly admitting that Israel got it half right, or more or less right, except their messages were funneled through symbolic/slippery languages and ambiguity that only became comprehensible in 2025++. There is a Word, GOD is a Triune Bipolar (not non-binary yet, although you could also say that, because I haven’t developed or syncretized the expression of gayness or “neither” (just both) in this conception yet, and I will in the future) Main Author of Authors, and the Logos Universal Plane probably exists, just incomplete at this point in my conception. It will really become Quantum when I manage to develop non-binary neither with bipolar duality (or just polarity in general, but my Kanye poem overwriting Death really won a Mental Health Poetry Contest, so it’s kinda Canon at this point). I just am kind of happy—ok, I am really happy—that Vico now identifies as an “Lgu” or a Local Government Unit himself, if ever that is a reference to my writing or theories. It means he is reading me? Why would he put that if he wasn’t? It’s either coincidence—I can’t tell; all of the letters are lowercase except Lgu—or that he really knows what I’m trying to do and is now taking it seriously. 6:55AM: My Spotify playlist for Puso’y Dos Tres [three mountain emojis] is now public. Gratification earlier that I am now in the same league as Newton, of many Newtons too, helping me conclude and hypothesize. I just wish I had these more often. It dulls the pain of being mannish quite a lot that I somehow forget my Real Body for a bit, like it’s better than being horny. GOD did not make me (only) for sex (hopefully), but also for tinkering and exploring. The Stella Octangula is just perfect. I now expect some opposition. Nobody would make me even more powerful than I already am or make my ideas catch. I don’t particularly care if they steal it. I will have a reward of some kind in Heaven because GOD has already fucked me “bottoming out” on emotional glory “born-again” day—lol pity fuck. It is only incomplete not because I think it’s inferior to sexual stimuli, but because it’s virtual reality—or an image. People who are normal and beautiful and sexy experience Real Objects all the time. I just wish GOD gave me that gift when I was born, as it seems heavily rigged that I would become like my mom too, irresistible in that sexy-cute way with her deep dimples that don’t look off, her hourglass figure that she has somehow managed to maintain to this day, and a husband that is basically a god among men who could never live up to his faithfulness and Christianity and restraint. It’s just a bonus that he was considered conventionally attractive and even indirectly caused the mental breakdown of a woman from his past who was obsessed with him—exactly like me, so there’s that weird irony—and was the “crush ng bayan” especially for gay people in med school because there were few attractive guys back then and he was hot stuff apparently, and they called him Leonardo DiCaprio—so there’s that Romeo + Juliet allusion to my own life events. I was obsessed with Andrew Belle since I heard him first in October Baby, that Christian perspective on abortion film. This started in high school. I guess he’s important because he’s literally “manly, strong, brave + beautiful” aka Andrew Belle. I just realized Vico’s influence. Now that he’s brought to the fore of my unconscious, the Billie Eilish song “What Was I Made For?” I am a demagogue to myself only because other people fed me the right words to make myself tune into better words that could help people. Johannes Kepler named stella octangula. WOW. In 1609. “The stellated octahedron is the only stellation of the octahedron. It is also called the stella octangula, a name given to it by Johannes Kepler in 1609, though it was known to earlier geometers. It was depicted in Pacioli's 1509 De Divina Proportione.” HOLY FUCK. Leonardo Da Vinci, the MAN, THE MYTH, THE LEGEND. “DA VINCI” AS IN WEEZER SONG. They published it 1509, exactly 100 years before Kepler named it. This is a Glimmer. So many Glimmers today. Thanks Universe by GOD and all the people in it. <aside> 🌟 The phrase "divina proportione octangula" refers to Leonardo da Vinci's illustrations for Luca Pacioli's book _De Divina Proportione_ (On the Divine Proportion), specifically depicting the stella octangula (stellated octahedron), a compound of two tetrahedra, showcasing the beauty of mathematical ratios and solids like the golden ratio (phi = 1.618; I WAS OBSESSED WITH THIS IN CHILDHOOD GOOGLING ALL THE SUPERMODELS I COULD FIND OMFG) in art and geometry, a concept crucial to Renaissance aesthetics. Da Vinci's detailed diagrams popularized complex geometric forms, linking mathematics, art, and architecture through concepts like the Divine Proportion. </aside> 7:13AM: SWEET BABY JESUS I FEEL SO FIRE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!! OMG MY GOLDS MAKE SENSE NOW. CAGAYAN DE ORO. 10 GOLDS. 79 ATOMIC NUMBER. RIVER OF GOLD. DIVINE FUCKING PROPORTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PHI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <aside> 🐸 I FUCKING LOVED THE DA VINCI CODE (SORRY LOL). HOLY FUCK I’M LIVING IN A DAN BROWN NOVEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’M THE REAL ACTOR TOM HANKS PLAYING UNREAL ACTOR OF HERESY, ROBERT LANGDON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOOD GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD! </aside> 7:22AM: AND HOLY MOTHER MARY OF GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I GOT A TIN HOUSE LOTTO SCHOLARSHIP AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ABOUT DISRUPTING YOUR PROCESS OR SOMETHING. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY It’s for Jan. 25. Time is screwing with me because I don’t remember signing up for a chance. LOL MAYBE I JUST FORGOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OR I signed up on my phone. Yeah, I kinda remember signing up with my phone. At least, at least. This Jan. 17 is even greater than 1/11. I think. They’re co-equal. I cannot describe anything right now. My mind is too slurry to comprehend everything. OH DEAR LAWDY. SEBASTIAN THE CRAB IN THE DISNEY FILM OF LITTLE MERMAID (the horror of the original, lol, a Real Possibility—expand this concept in Unreal Image—perhaps areas of the Universe GOD has purposely left unexplored for humans for fun, exactly like my dream of being an Explorer of the Heavenly Realm). SEBASTIAN THE CRAB. THIRD MOST IMPORTANT CHARACTER, A TRITAGONIST?????????? SABBY AND TO AN EXTENT, JULIO MOLINA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOLY FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The TTKS Ontoglyphs make sense???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? Yeah, don’t look at the Order. Emo is now 3rd or the bronze-colored nameplate, ANITA FUCKING LOVE. I guess Vico and Vico-types are 2nd… WOWZA. I have no clue how this works though, is Mike also co-equal with Sabby? Maybe. They are both 3rd? JLMLN looks more like Sabby but his picture with Gelo Child reminded me of Mike’s role in the 2019 Fiasco. I would never peg Mike as “emo” even though he is maybe sad a lot. He does not have Sabby’s physical resemblance. It’s probably important? My emotional Core is Sabby’s music from 2017 and beyond. It completely altered my music taste to include exotic bands I would have never liked if he didn’t recommend them, even the music recommended by his former drummer(?), Daine Rhythm Daling (Citizen and Turnover). I am emo by DNA and I would have identified as emo if I knew about it and had a boyfriend in high school like Yuri Tan who was into the emo scene too. Music is incredibly important to my life, this is self-explanatory. I didn’t play any games like DnD. I was always bleeding out in my diary. Everything I wrote in childhood was horror and bitter if they were stories, preferring shock factor and decapitations of beauty problems like what I’m doing right now. So inevitably, it’s Mike who is the Antichrist. Or Mike-types. My 1st spiritual dad has a Real Reason (include concept in Unreal Image) to hate me. Bye. I NEED(ED) A LOVE (LIKE SABBY MORADO) TO HAVE BEEN SAVED IN HIGH SCHOOL LIKE YURI. BYE. > I guess the previous statement really hits me now, but I realized this emotionally and unconsciously way back when. When I despaired at people who were veritably miserable based on their social media Tweets, but who still had romantic/sexual love and were possibly so insane they are still miserable on social media. Meanwhile, I had ghosts and maybes and possibilities that never got anywhere because I was simply not worth it enough to somebody who would have admitted to the entire batch that they liked the valedictorian autistic (they knew, but they didn’t have the word) who was so insanely morally uptight that she had no social life and only cared about school and beating everybody who bullied her and had a Real Reason to hate them all and a Right, to some extent, to decry the fact that she did not get in the honor roll once in 3rd year, and now she was upset that she didn’t get recognized doing so much more work than them, so she’s somehow equal to them even though she had it so fucking difficult and harrowing dealing with all the insults and embarrassments and shame out of something they could not know (well, they could tell, probably) she has struggled with since early childhood, ever since she looked in the mirror, and everyone told her she was a Nothing, not literally, but just felt, emotionally. I guess all the North Wests of the world are now important spiritually, even if they don’t know it. Everyone, including trans people born male, who identify as me. I had always had gender dysphoria, the Real kind. Virtually, to some, but to me, it was all I knew, and I knew I wasn’t a Girl, though I wanted to be so fucking badly, and I was a child, so I had no real sex drive to put things inside me anyway, so I hid all traces of my ugly body in bland clothes and became a They ever since my sister was born 2 years after me on the same fucking day, October 9, 1999, which is insane that she has Aella number Patterns now, 4 for 9999. I was very girly in dress-up and fashion when I was 2-3, and I look at pictures of myself from that period, and I see a very spunky, maarte, fashion-conscious girl who did not act like a bland boy in plain clothes. Subtracting her numbers from my sister’s and her Patterns, hers now reads 0/199 = which is when I took CW 199 under Ma’am Marby when I first discovered who she was in 2022. I AM SO FUCKING INSANE TODAY. GOD MUST BE HAVING A FIELD DAY TODAY NOTICING ME NOTICE THE PATTERN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! “YES, CHILD, I KNEW YOU WOULD KNOW.” My sister has 1001 Pattern as Negative. Who knows what that is for. It’s a fucking Palindrome. “The number 1001 is a significant integer known for being a **palindrome**, the product of three consecutive primes (7 x 11 x 13), and having a role in a popular math trick where repeating a three-digit number (like 123123) results in a number divisible by 1001 (and thus 7, 11, 13). It also symbolizes abundance and storytelling, famously appearing in "[One Thousand and One Nights](https://www.google.com/search?q=One+Thousand+and+One+Nights&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8&mstk=AUtExfBGmvVk0ER-yOK2YlTu2mPmAZos-J28rKAlg9bLjK8gnWZRpb6qA3W0rrgYvRKx2t-FQ3HU7td8OU3CFkhq5FlUvybP0M1T4IfDDkKpgUM37r1uSg9NrGXynAYnfQWXRdx30x_wwiDlOL1U4on7LbHrc55wZf2-PH159-rH9K8d89Q_pXqudfZoZ4gkXm3cOdkJEBwsi0aZu3zmx5Nblf3UwBqsu7a9bxPfwY5bWi4ogV8ty8C2kdWw7_9EQ9E9Yvmf2FWwOUdQvnUMked80XHBmDgnqIF7rcMu8tS3cTCFKw&csui=3&ved=2ahUKEwitwdqnpJGSAxXy8zgGHeIwHiAQgK4QegQIARAD).” YEAH BOY I AM SO NOT OKAY BUT I AM DIGNIFIED BY CHOOSING AELLA AS THE FIRST ANGEL TO BLOW THE HORN/TRUMPET. NOW THAT I HAVE A CLEARER SIGN THAT IT IS GOD’S DIVINE WILL. ### If someone repeats a “betlog” (6 times in total) they will result in my third sister, Amber Neiel Guadalope Yee, who is severely disabled at 16 years old with a 9p chromosome duplication condition. She is DUPLICATED. I AM NOT FINE. I AM NOT OKAY. I AM SOMETHING WEIRD AND STRANGE AND NEW TODAY. AMBER WAS BORN FEBRUARY 2, 2010 - 02/02/10. She has 1000 and 22 in her birthdate. Aella has 4 of these = 2222. I am so fucking vindicated. I cannot describe this feeling right now. This is a dream come true. My disabled sister’s name means gold-brown. The name Amber means **"amber-colored" or "jewel,"** deriving from the [fossilized tree resin](https://www.google.com/search?q=fossilized+tree+resin&sca_esv=3e8a9d344381deb6&sxsrf=ANbL-n54XpNOIMNfPSeK8Ys_Xd2JfYkEQg%3A1768608779255&ei=C9RqaeyrD6KQ4-EP58fXsA0&oq=amber+name&gs_lp=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&sclient=gws-wiz-serp&ved=2ahUKEwizjrTJpZGSAxWV1zgGHQJPDD4QgK4QegQIARAC) used in jewelry, with origins in Arabic (['anbar](https://www.google.com/search?q=%27anbar&sca_esv=3e8a9d344381deb6&sxsrf=ANbL-n54XpNOIMNfPSeK8Ys_Xd2JfYkEQg%3A1768608779255&ei=C9RqaeyrD6KQ4-EP58fXsA0&oq=amber+name&gs_lp=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&sclient=gws-wiz-serp&ved=2ahUKEwizjrTJpZGSAxWV1zgGHQJPDD4QgK4QegQIARAD) for jewel) and French ([ambre](https://www.google.com/search?q=ambre&sca_esv=3e8a9d344381deb6&sxsrf=ANbL-n54XpNOIMNfPSeK8Ys_Xd2JfYkEQg%3A1768608779255&ei=C9RqaeyrD6KQ4-EP58fXsA0&oq=amber+name&gs_lp=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&sclient=gws-wiz-serp&ved=2ahUKEwizjrTJpZGSAxWV1zgGHQJPDD4QgK4QegQIARAE) for the color). It also has associations with "the sky" in Hindi/Kannada, "shining metal" in Hebrew, and "fierce" in some Celtic roots, linked to its warm, golden-brown hue and connection to nature and light. Neiel means (or Niel) has distinct meanings: from Hebrew, it means **"commotion, or moving, of God" or "moved by God,"** often referring to a biblical place in Asher; while the related Irish/Gaelic Niel means "champion" or "cloud," stemming from Niall. Neiel is primarily a biblical place name, while Niel is a given name with Celtic roots. So somehow, my first publication with Neil fucking Clarke is related to the Bible now. WOWZA. I suppose the Irish/Gaelic meaning is related to Vico, or Nubla for “cloud” now linked to “champion.” I am not saying anything here. Possibly, Vico is a Chosen One too, not only by me—he is definitely my first choice even though we haven’t even met in real life—but also apparently GOD Themselves. The world of the Philippines will never be the same if they catch wind of Vico’s Divine Nature too. It is so obviously the Right Fit for him. I cannot imagine, if he is reading me at all, him feeling happy about it like me not feeling it but only sometimes, but more like pressured and even scared of the VASTNESS of what I am saying in here despite all of my mistranslations in the past. Maybe he’d feel really vindicated too, how he now has that Prime Status in the eyes of GOD apparently. Who knows? Apparently, GOD is so unfair sometimes, too much at times, rich people get even more rich and powerful every day, but this time, it’s paired with an Abby Nicole fucking Yee, a Chosen One who was never meant to be Chosen in the first place, who everybody rejected in the worst ways possible on Earth as she has ever experienced in her own Real Body and Mind and Soul. Edit: 1/22/26 9:21AM: Since my sister is 1001, my youngest sister is 1000, I am now officially also my second oldest sibling (virtually, I guess), Ally, who was born on October 9, 1999. I am **999** without the extra 9. That extra 9 remains to be seen as containing some meaning I cannot fathom right now. This also implies an Order of a kind. I am the worst lived experience of disability on Earth that GOD handpicked me for no Clear Image/Clear Object Reasons. My sister Amber, who is severely disabled and has the mind of a 1-year-old actually (she cannot talk at all) remains in a sort of virtual Paradise on Earth guaranteeing her continued existence pampered by my parents forever until they die, and until I get an income supplementing my inheritance from my 1M-a-month Rich Auntie goal-getter with a small hotel and businesses and MLM and rental properties and farm land everywhere near Balingasag (I guess I’m related to Mike in this way and Interstellar; my dad was never a farmer, he just handled Farmer-types like poultry workers). Otherwise, we had a lot of squatters in the past on our lands and they tried to threaten our family to let them squat and my parents always said they were “Lumad pretenders” who did this for a living. I can’t tell what the truth is exactly. They stole our property and its fruits. I can expect people to steal my ideas because they chafe at the idea that I am somehow Divine Will personified through Grace Minus the Beauty. I don’t know how scary that would be to deal with GOD in the afterlife if you steal my ideas or status or whatever. I am now fully trying to work with people instead of being scarred because I know GOD would want me to do this even if I do not like some of its terrifying aspects—like them literally looking at my videos of my own body and spreading it to Vico and him seeing me at my worst in 2024-5. That is a Real Fear. Real Real Fear. There, I coined it. It is greater than Real now. Double. Contrastive Reduplication again. Theme. Now, if I make any unconscious Pattern or discernible deviation from Convention, I will look like I know what I’m doing. JESUS FUCKING HELL. I DO NOT AT ALL. I AM A TINKERER WHO EXPERIMENTS LIKE A MAD SCIENTIST. MY PRIME ASSUMPTION IS THAT I AM NOT CONTROLLING ANYTHING ESPECIALLY THE RESULTS OF MY WRITING OR THINKING. People have to bring it up to me first, for me to notice, in my Special Language, to really correct it or let it STET. “STET,” WE MEET AGAIN, THAT STORY BY SARAH GAILEY IN FIRESIDE. IT IS MY HEART SERVED ON A FICTIONAL PLATTER, TRANSLATED IN MORE HUMANITY-ADJACENT WORDS. I cannot begin to describe to you the mind-breaking realization that this story exists, and that somebody had done it, and done it well, and done so beautifully, and it is perfection and it is experimental and it is hybrid and it is whatever you want to call it. IT WAS NEW. IT WAS AVANT-GARDE. I suppose Prof. Conchitina Cruz whose research interest is avant-garde literature and poetry (I consider her a spiritual mother too) is intermittently keeping tabs on her pupil who spilled her guts out in 2018 about toxic Christianity. I have also deleted that essay from all of my emails and drives. It is spread out now and I have no idea what I said. Except De(s)cent, the title. Throwback to all of my quirky formatting, because apparently it matters now. Sarah Gailey apparently has a story after 2018 about a space opera and rich people. Go figure. “Know Your Station.” Magic for Liars was released in 2019 “coincidentally” and I was always suspicious of her knowing about me—for some reason, I interpreted a font change in Nightmare Magazine being personally about me saying in my Day One journal that “I really hate Times New Roman.” So there, I was really functioning as a hacked diary writer for Real. Now it’s Real Real. Did you know Joslyn Mae Asuncion’s middle name is ”Real” literally? Who knew? I saw a lookalike of her walking happily while I was on my way to the slaughterhouse ACE MODAR PHOTOGRAPHY/PHOTO STUDIO. GOD or Satan was having fun with that. She is technically a “Royal” too even if she never ended up with Stanley. Her middle name is coincidental with royalty, like how mine was coincidental with a music legend. She got the Hand of GOD in 2016 when Stanley became her “be real with me” pun mutual love interest and best friend. How nice of GOD to virtually make me that woman now. It could have been Joslyn, she was very poor, and possibly graduated a year later than her projected graduation date. Stanley is no longer in her life, I guess, since he deleted the pun on his photos. I think I can live with this virtual oasis, even if it’s just brief. I am already satisfied with virtual reality for some reason, even though it hurts like hell sometimes and I try to be kind about it. I have got to study how rape—real physical rape—makes one infinitely lucky in the eyes of GOD, sometimes. Sometimes only. My mom was raped by a random guy who she was drinking with along with her sister. He apologized to her years later. I don’t know what she thinks of him now. Yuri apparently was a rape victim in high school/before high school and she apologized to her own father about “a misunderstanding” or something in the Heights Ateneo dedication for her art/photography. She also called someone (I assumed was Sabby) her rock. Stone. Stanley. A rock to lean on and trust with safety. I guess GOD has a way of making things right sometimes, it’s just not CLEAR enough how it happens or why. Discern exactly what you mean by CLEAR IMAGE/REAL IMAGE and etc. I suppose my Derrida interest in _**Différance**_ is my Root or Core. I used “signifier” in my Mental Health Poetry Contest Winner poem. It was not CLEAR enough to laymen or non-comparative literature people. I guess I was rebelling against Audrey, my spiritual mother, for attempting to take a “trendy idea” (she said this to me talking or subtweeting about post-structuralism I think, after I apologized for April 12 through FB chat) and making it intelligible to myself. Maybe GOD made Derrida intelligible to me through Audrey to make everybody see Clearer now. I guess I have that Assignment too as well. Quantum Day officially today. It’s 9:43AM. I have landed on the right snippet of my previous journal by seeing Crown of Thorns and Gold smack dab instantly when Notion tried to screw with me by loading extremely slow to delay the Jesus like Google. Worst Day of My Life too, aside from Best Day of My Life so far. I have been crucified by my own parents about everything and I called my lola PUTANGINA a lot and my mom a bitch and my dad a PUTANGINA too. There is nothing left for me in Cagayan de Oro. My heart has spiritually broken its ties with Cagayan de Oro. I will probably move to Pasig if I get the chance. If Vico doesn’t want me, I’ll rebuild my heart and move to Quezon City (Babylon 2.0) and attempt to get surgeries I want as well as required surgeries after I was promised them if I manage to graduate this year. My parents really intended to Mycroft me today, to decide something. They are making it too easy, and I cannot hate them because I still doubt somehow that they are only following orders to push me to decide to move to Pasig. I even seriously considered the idea that I will not earn a lot of money and survive like an average Pinoy in Pasig because I disowned my parents today. They are only defensive automatically and give me the impression that they doubt everything that I say, and my dad is the worst today for thinking I’m procrastinating all the time and watching videos for fun, and he expects me to work even through my brain damage which they allowed. I relayed the start of my anger saying something about how I feel deprived too, how he begrudgingly pays for my Shopee expenses that are actually needs instead of luxuries. I guess that touched something defensive in him. When I try to make people see their errors, this happens, and they will not be amenable to hearing what I say, especially that I use real profanity that they still don’t expect from me even if I scream in Tagalog profanity all the fucking time in this house. Not even Bisaya yet. Tagalog. I guess my blood runs deep in Quezon City so that’s that. I hate Bisaya profanity for valid reasons. It is a contradiction I do not have to resolve. I will be vague about the rest of what happened to me today, but that is just the tip of the iceberg of the despair I experienced. This is like 10 April 12, 2019s rolled into one. I relayed to them how Ate Che really thought I had a sexual relationship with Kuya Mark from my Uncle’s church (not the watery eyes dude), because I laughed at a joke she made unexpectedly about kabits. I never laugh, so that was a surprise, maybe a sign of guilt on my part to hide that I was attracted to her husband (yeah, now you see how traumatized I am about being attracted to people who are taken. It is not goodness, but trauma). Ate Che basically teased me all the time first with Van Dyke who was veritably unattractive to many people, and she kept asking me loaded questions about why I don’t like him. Obviously, she was hitting on something specific to me—I mean, didn’t you see me growing up? I was ugly ugly too. I suppose I moved to my uncle’s church as a 13 or 14-year-old I think, I don’t remember—and I remember being annoyed to my core, but I never intended to make her think I was fucking her husband. She crucified me by never directly asking me if I was in a relationship of some kind with her husband. She made her daughter look through my phone when we all went out to dinner at Limketkai McDo while Kuya Mark sat uncomfortable about the “secret inspection” happening in McDo with Kirsten finding nothing, obviously. I am innocent, and I have always hated beautiful seductresses of faithful men, and she assumed I was one of them, even though I only showed signs I was happy—very small signs—with her husband treating me like a human, like a father would. I was destroyed all over again trying to tell my parents about it as well as my dad’s further comments and doubt. I believed I had to have a right to leave my parents forever and only keep tabs on my youngest sister through Ally someday. This will likely happen even if I don’t marry anyone. I will become self-sufficient and famous and okay financially first to secure my “wealth” because I just threw away a big piece of my inheritance if ever my aunt decides to disown me back too (she is functionally the King of the Yee money right now because she is the eldest daughter managing everything and she is the only one who is single and can devote herself fully to business pursuits). I’m done. I’m going to sleep at 10:00AM. — 11:59AM. Well, I literally forgot Isaiah Lee was diagnosed with Asperger’s. I just read his “not a valedictorian” speech but I don’t remember reading it ever. Strange. — 12:25PM: Jesus the Son was Nought, or the 0th Problem, or Just Zero. Roll with it. 12:56PM: I guess 5th Jesus is Shawntel. I will not explain. I realized only a while after that Quotable I made. The complete irony of Elliot Rodger being _artistahin_ in the Philippines but he’s only into blonde sorority girls… Yeah, his father has a _The Hunger Games_ connection, IIRC. Blondie Hunger. > Elliot Rodger's father, [Peter Rodger](https://www.google.com/search?q=Peter+Rodger&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8&mstk=AUtExfCX9OFTWABNEcAS4ePO_Ax5-rOdB1ukCDBsVA8AGX4-5JX2LxPn_iT950z2IXCtakQfT3vL4KI9dLNL2NeCJSLaj8PHCx2WlbqVQx1Emgdu1llNSr_DegkBXEuyJ-SvhU8k6wSiHiMcIJTWLOL46_XLZl_GPR3s2BEM0maVfJuTJU0&csui=3&ved=2ahUKEwjOocec6ZGSAxVnZfUHHbS4KmoQgK4QegQIAhAB), was a filmmaker who worked as a second unit director on _The Hunger Games_ (2012), which connects the two figures, though Elliot himself had no direct role in the film, but his father's film career involved major productions like _The Hunger Games_. Isla Vista Mass Murders = me literally living in Vista ~~408~~ (Yeah, it’s 309 actually, I misremembered) condo in 2023 with Ace “Ampota” Modar Photographer. I cannot fucking believe I misremembered the digits by 1 digit each. Increased 3 to 4 and decreased 9 to 8. Somebody explain my brain to me. I am very loopy right now because I don’t recall sleeping yet at all. I guess people really are either/or Antichrists or Jesuses? Am I both? I identify as nonbinary anyway. Ego tripping today a lot more. OH DAWGY. A “SIGN” OF THE ANTICHRIST IS “MORTAL WOUND HEALED.” BYE. AMALAYER #1 TOO. — 7:40PM. I blinked today and really had to see Dumbo quote about magic and feathers by Stephen King in Clarion West email!!!!!!! SENPAIS NOTICED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALSO, DUMBO WIKIPEDIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ELATED SQUINT 🫣: “Produced to recoup the financial losses of both [_Pinocchio_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pinocchio_\(1940_film\)) and [_Fantasia_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fantasia_\(1940_film\)), _Dumbo_ was a deliberate pursuit of simplicity and economy.” Well, I don’t know what’s worse. The gods apparently know everything and no one did anything or said anything to me. That’s fucked up. Seriously. How did this entire thing unfold “secretly” like Opus Dei or something. Link to Spotify in case you can’t find it (MUSIC BINGE TODAY TO CALM MY TITS): [https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4aTxjSZpA6m6jDpb2mwdtB?si=yy7zJgLsR1WBOyjh0FUK0g](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4aTxjSZpA6m6jDpb2mwdtB?si=yy7zJgLsR1WBOyjh0FUK0g) I totally forgot about Mother but now I remember. Vita & Virginia. > “As a woman I have no country. As a woman I want no country. As a woman, my country is the whole world.”―**Virginia Woolf** Yeah, I just re-remembered these facts today: 1. I got my period and “became a woman” on August 18, 2008, and I was 10 years old going 11. University of the Philippines was established officially on June 18, 1908. Support for my UPRIGHT ideas. Slightly scared of eventual Opposers (gut and heart engineers/maids/servants/etc.). 2. Both Drag Path by Twenty One Pilots and Again by Bruno Mars are not available on Spotify for some reason. These songs would have gone into my Worship playlist because I like to think my connection with GOD involves these songs. GOD singing Drag Path to me, while I sing Again to GOD. ### HARMONY AND MELODY Don’t wanna toot my horn unintentionally again, but I am somehow still great at harmonizing with music because of extensive timesink choir for church and school competitions in childhood. My point is that I am not the Melody, but I’ve always been an Alto, or lower-pitched (can’t reach Soprano, like Sydney can or others with more range like Ariana Grande with her whistle register). I can harmonize and synchronize with Melody but that’s it. I think it’s awfully boring to sing exactly in the way that the Melody is sung. Even though my voice is just ok, and I can carry a tune, it’s one kind of Grace I wasn’t born with, like Alizeiah Phoebe P. Aquino. Voices that are so pleasing to the ear, and effortlessly resonant without breaking any time. ### YAYAY I realize I’m not _that_ much of a socialist. I want to reward those who work hard. There must be a balance of affirmative action and reward for exceptionally hard-working people.