December 30, 2025 - Gail Yap's Blog | Isaiah 42 Ωω

# DEC 30-31: TUESDAY-WEDNESDAY > “**History Doesn't Repeat Itself, but It Often Rhymes**” – Mark Twain. 7:57PM. Rabbit hole after rabbit hole. I feel too much today and I cannot contain it. Since early morning. New “random” followers on FB. The fact that Power Puff dream is my brain subtly telling me about my “role” defending Pepsi, being that there were four of them in the Softdrink Beauties and I dreamt of 5, and Angela was someone I wanted to befriend (so I am an honorary Softdrinks beauty?). The “arfarfarf” DJ POOPYPANTS audio (I cannot describe it, it is too embarrassing to even write even though that pic currently overwhelms all the other erotic thoughts and pictures Vico has so far). How I figured out some “clue” about Joey de Leon? Complete name translates to “God will add Mary branch Lion” and Vico’s tag is Maria Luisa Angelu De Leon Rivera? Archangel Ariel for “Angelu De Leon”? Rhymes with Angel Gabriel? And “Luisa” means warrior = Clotilde too. I am overwhelmed in a weirdly numinous way. It’s beyond pleasure. I also found out Vico’s great-grandfather is Vicente Yap Sotto. Yap is a variant of Yee according to Wiki. And he’s from Cebu, which likely makes him Bisaya. Gifts from the “Three Kings.” I forgot about gifts. Suppose I really am anointed. My mom’s name Myra apparently means “myrrh,” I live in Cagayan de Oro, which means “gold” and I live in Barangay Nazareth, and my sister just gave me “frankincense” Billie Eilish real perfume recently, and frankincense means “high quality.” There is something auspicious and urgent about it. I am accruing a lot of synchronicity on December 30. For some reason. Anita Love on the internet really has 2 academic-professorial people and a nudist movie about “Nature’s Paradise.” How could my brain know in advance what Anita Love is to be able to express “her” as a professor in my dream, which, by the way, was the first in a long while that I managed to dream about UP. I never dreamed of UP since 2023 since antipsychotics started. Why now? Why Anita Love? I guess my calling really is to become a teacher? This staggeringly cannot be chance and coincidence. I cannot handle it. I can’t. I would have no reason to know who Anita Love is. But apparently they are two different people in two different universities who are both involved in professorial and academic work. So many patterns, so many parallels, so many “fractals” and so many hits. I feel like a breached gossamer net. I have truly come undone today. All I want is to do something but I’m paralyzed by the sensation that something bigger than me has fallen all around me, like heavy but sweet pressure. I feel like half-crying. I am actually somewhat crying, but not exactly because of sadness. I don’t know. For the first time in my life I can’t describe what I’m feeling. <aside> 😳 Something about Vico’s face and hand gesture in that “last official CDC meeting” makes me think of my “little bumblebee, I’m so, so proud of you.” PLS. I don’t know why he capitalized “Kung” and uncapitalized new ugong (“buzz”) health center and district 1. I capitalized Possibility (“If”) in my poem. Come to think of it, I’d be sad if they _aren’t_ hacking me. He even DID NOT correct the “everyday” if he is reading me, but he is kind of using it correctly anyway in that live video of him talking about Rizal. “Everyday” as in Rizal becomes “commonplace” or “ordinary” now. It’s turning me on that he’s breaking rules on the surface only to follow them anyway. December 30 might just be the point of no return for me. Edit 1/2/26: OMG is he indirectly trying to tell me he likes me???? When before I said something about Nikka’s poem, “Full” and the phone having no space for new messages? Delulu thought again. I just really want him to like me even a little bit. </aside> Vico really said “photographer nakunan” making me think of miscarriage. I’m so hungry for a fighter and avenger. Somebody who is mad that I’m violated. I wonder what he thinks of abortion. 2:22AM: Say that I’m not really hacked. I really am living a lie. My brain cannot tell anymore. I am beyond saving. I cannot help but function as if it’s true. The serotonin is real. The dopamine is real. The endorphins are real. The oxytocin is real. Every chemical is functioning for real based on a model of reality that it is living in. It does not actually matter what objective truth is. GOAL IS TO BECOME A PROF NOW. NOVEL WRITER, BUT ALSO PROF. What I’m really looking for in 2026, I hope, is IMPACT. I feel so inutile and purposeless even though I’m steadily building up my writing skills again. Maybe I am hacked. There is a login in from 2024 from Taiwan on my Notion and I have no idea why. I have no 2FA on Notion. This guy on FB really followed me from Iloilo with no mutual friends. Name: Ric Aguillano Seduco. Ruler Eagle Seducer. My mom is from Iloilo. My dad’s name is Richard. Focus differentiates all-stars from average performers. My mood average is 6 in December compared to 5.6 in November. OMG Vico knows about Mi Ultimo Adios, a POEM!!! Some AbbyVerse things: 1. Vico is a diminutive for Victor, his real name. My name Abby is my real name, but I want to be named Abigail (no one calls me Abigail). Sotto means “under/below” and Yee means “surplus/remainder.” Polarity. 2. I noticed there are a lot of Marias in the Sotto clan. He has a lot more Marias than me now. I guess it’s really common in the Philippines. But I am the only one with the “three gifts from the Magi/Kings.” Who is Jesus? Who is Mary? WTF is happening? 3. Rivera = rivers. Pasig and Cagayan de Oro. Pasig means a body of water flowing into another. Or it connects two larger bodies of water. 4. Somebody told me in grade 5 I looked like Marian Rivera, but that guy who was named “Nicole” for some reason was heavily infatuated with me for no reason. He told me I looked like Nikki Gil and Marian Rivera even though I patently do not look like them. 5. I also discovered I kind of look like Ciara Sotto, Vico’s cousin. Cousin-profing from my dream? If I manage to get all my surgeries, I will resemble her because she is the “ideal” version of me. It’s so spooky. But I look like a toned down version, like I could be her cousin too. Or maybe I’m just delusional and I don’t actually look like her. 6. Archangel Ariel vs. Angel Gabriel. Male and female angels. Rhyme and poetry. Gabriel begot male Jesus. Maybe someone will beget a female Jesus or forerunner like John the Baptist. Gelo’s middle name is Bautista = Baptist. I was born-again since birth until my family transferred to Baptist in my uncle’s church. 7. I discovered that 80% of Christians (probably Western) do not think premarital sex is wrong. I am so conflicted. I’m weak. I would probably give into my impulses. I am inclined to think it’s not wrong too. It’s just a matter of strategy, you know, to connect deeply even more as more commitment is invested. I think it’s special in that I do not like the idea of casual sex but I also think it’s not a big deal and is not a sin. I was really stupid in 2023 though, because I went ahead and signed up for a sugar baby website. I wasn’t actually planning to have sex with random guys who had money. I was just exploring what my beauty could get me in the real shallow world. 8. I want to think Vico read my A Space O/pera story. PLS. A party for a female dog. He also said “special resource dog” instead of “community resource dog.” Special. Unique. Neurodivergent. UGH. I am always cringing at the idea of re-reading that story anyway. I need to write something that I can read again without becoming embarrassed. I’m not trying to be humble. I just think it’s not objectively good. Other people said they enjoyed it, like the editors at Escape Pod, who gave me a personal rejection and told me it made it to the top 10-15%. I wonder what it lacks that it didn’t get picked up. 9. Why did Audrey tell Edmond in her FB post to “focus up, baby.” Maybe I am being read. I keep forgetting. I just feel like my senses are based on smoke, but they are actually being triggered by objective things. Arf arf arf = betlog betlog betlog. So Vico knows about Unreal Image? There are only 3 videos that used this audio. So that means he really sought it out. How could IG automatically ID a dog/poodle? and assign that audio to his post if ever? My adviser really spread my work? Is it good? Angelu de Leon-Rivera is also an actress and politician. Gelo is a lawyer. I recently heard Vico went to UP Law for a bit. I tried to be an actress in 2023. She is a “councilor” and Holy Spirit is a Counselor. Moreover, the entire picture and even the tag color is “golden” a little. BOLD HOLD(ING A DOG) GOLD. Qahluqulu. BOLD = myrrh/Myra Manibog from Softdrink Beauties and “Powerpuff Girls” hounding Pepsi by denying it ever happened/symbol for death and suffering. HOLD = frankincense for divinity/priesthood/high quality/Billie Eilish “you should see me in a crown” or a “God complex” or holding a dog. GOLD = obviously for gold, kingship and royalty, Cagayan de Oro. 10. How would Audrey know I’m “aura farming on Instagram” if she wasn’t stalking me? Why is she referring to aura-farming when it’s a classic book that is not set in modern times? 11. So it’s actually just Blue Steel. I don’t know why I added “Mountain.” 12. I am so weirded out by Joey de Leon’s real name being Jose = Joseph. Richie d’Horsie is dead, so he’s irrelevant. 13. Angela had an article about “releasing the lion” on Inquirer YoungBlood IIRC. De Leon again. My article there is about an elephant. “The elephant in the room.” 14. Romantic daydreams and names in pop culture: 1. I just realized Peeta means bread. Katniss means arrowhead = Avatar Aang with a tattoo on his head of an arrow. Breadmaker Brotilde Bethlehem and Pasig. I really do see Vico as that “dandelion in the spring” (let the earth swallow me up now because I’m ashamed to admit it) especially after his picture with the dog yesterday, just something about his pure lovely gaze and his eyes and his smile, so beautiful it’s making me tear up. Luisa in Angelu De Leon’s name means “famous warrior.” Richie d’Horsie’s real last name is Reyes = King. Again with the Regis. King figure Vico. Priest figure me. 2. Little Mermaid Ariel. Prince Eric looks a little like Vico. I named Justine Concha as Justine “Shell” and Ariel’s voice is trapped in a shell. Shell for Justine is relevant because I thought, bodies are just shells. 3. Sky High movie but with Will Stronghold and Warren Peace being switched because Vico is obviously hotter than Jeffrey. Warren Peace = Jeffrey Alfonso full name being “God’s peace + ready for battle.” 4. Why is everything pointing to warriors and fighting and battles? Just something I’m picking up. Clotilde and Clovis both meaning “renowned in battle.” 5. “Cousin-profing with a red-brown haired girl” from my dream = Me being a prof and being in a relationship of some sort with Vico. I don’t care what, friend, acquaintance, brotherly-senpai-not-in-a-romantic-way, but I cannot dream of girlfriend or wife. I just don’t think I’m prepared to take care of him in that way. If I am to be in a relationship at all with anybody, that requires something from me that I just currently cannot attain. I wonder how my sister does it. It’s just so easy for some people to fall into romance. I noticed once in Mary Grace with her almost-fiance Entoy Trinidad that she nonchalantly picked off an eyelash from his eye. It was very tender and intimate. My sister has really levelled up from being an asshole in college to me, to being a flawed but loving sister for some reason. I once got lucky again our relationship is so much better now that we’re giving each other gifts. I suppose it’s also because she is gradually thinking I’m healing from my mental illness. I haven’t had a breakdown in a long time and I’ve been published in pro magazines. 15. So I just read they didn’t actually make Pepsi drink alcohol, but they drugged her. 16. I just really need to remind myself to make sense of the “doubt” factor in a way that doesn’t make me go insane from uncertainty. Vico literally used “everyday” again in a way that is contextually related to “ordinary” or “commonplace.” So people who are in charge of collating my ramblings are not afraid of insulting him or correcting him. Or maybe they’re just thinking it’s funny how I think I’m still being filtered. I am not so sure anymore because of arf arf arf. Maybe Vico wants me to doubt so I keep thinking I am not being watched, so he gets the version of me who is totally honest. You see how this feeds into my delusion? King Dominic in Barbie Princess and the Pauper really disguised himself as a paige so he can get to know who “Anneliese” is for real without the pretense, when it was Erika all along. --- Yesterday, I just had this blasted idea to write a Jollibee mascot story. The AI mascots in the future are in charge of not only entertainment but also marketing, competing with each other to get more customers. And none of them need to eat, because they’re androids. One day, Jollibee, or BOBOBEE (because I am not allowed to use the trademarked/copyrighted brand), gets a craving to eat at a rival restaurant. I will insert my “eating from the trash bins of a five-star restaurant you can’t afford” metaphor for watching porn. I don’t know how it’ll end. Hopefully it’s funny. I need to read that humor book. I have got to evolve from toilet/kanal/off-color humor. I suppose talking about all things sex is my strength. I absorb inappropriate vocabulary really easily from Tagalog. I need to lean into it. I have come to believe my associative intelligence is dynamic. I need to develop it because it is one of my main strengths to be able to survive harsh AI climate for creators. In June and July this year it was on fire. I was writing all these poems and flash stories. One of them was so impactful that it won a contest. 8:30AM: AMP!!!! I remembered this college-looking guy—somewhat attractive in a tall dark handsome skinny way—getting into a Magnum bus at the airport. And we were already inside with my aunts and cousin, and that guy followed, and he said, I kid you not, “What’s in the bag mom?” I literally had just come back from QC I think. And I think I had a dildo in my bag. Or was it egg chips. From Singapore. Or not, I can’t exactly remember if I had a dildo in the bag. I was just spooked out and ashamed. And there really was this fat lady resembling my child molester violating my view by standing stock still in the middle of the airport benches. I then talked my head off being angry at the table where probably everyone thought I was crazy. How could Vico or his team have found that audio of arfarfarf?! There are less than 4 reels that use it?? And arf’arf’an’arf is apparently Cockney slang for being very drunk or inebriated. And arf arf arf is also what a sea lion says re: De Leon = Ariel = sea lion. What are they doing to my reality? I don’t see how it’s an anagram of anything except “far.” So I just read that the punishment was supposedly death penalty for rapists in the 80s. So if Vic Sotto died, Vico Sotto would have never been born! NOOOOOOOOOOO. Something about what he said about photographer nakunan makes me think about how maybe does he wish he was just “spontaneously aborted?” I hope not. But I don’t think he thinks this. It maybe crossed his mind. I wonder what Pepsi would think about the entire thing. Would she be happy that somebody who assaulted her helped birth a really good human being who is seemingly so pure? So this is how I remember being “in love” from Mike cocktail. Or how it works. But this Vico one is actually the worst or most intense one of my life. Normally something like an initial “Oh, he’s attractive” doesn’t progress into anything much. Until time passes. And it grows in intensity until one day this attractive person just becomes your kryptonite for no reason at all. Seemingly. Just like yesterday with his “special” “resource” dog picture instead of “community” or district 1? It wasn’t this bad, even though I thought I was already addicted to the max on December 29. I could not stop myself from being a girl**™** for the first time and I was making all these sighing and silent screaming sounds just looking at his picture. A PICTURE. It’s just a picture. And yet. My brain has immediately and instantly associated it with the most precious and pure thing that I cannot describe as sublime. It’s a different kind of intensity but maybe equal to sublimity. He was also doing the pursing lips thing a lot on that video talking about Rizal and his coat. And he coughed! OMG we are the same kind of sick? My cough is gone now though. ![[Pasted image 20260502154009.png]] Triangle rebus puzzle logic. “raffra” from arf arf arf. arf = dog bark, raf sounds like Ralph for either Ralph Mijares or Archangel Raphael, and now raffra is basically: ## 1. **REFRA / REFRAH family** ### **refrain** (English / French origin) - **Pronunciation:** _ri-FRAYN_ - Root **refra-** from Old French _refrain_ - Meaning: repetition, holding back - Phonetically close to **“refra”** when truncated ### **refrán** (Spanish) - **Pronunciation:** _reh-FRÁN_ - Meaning: proverb, refrain - Very clean **refra** core ### **réfréner** (French) - **Pronunciation:** _ray-fray-NAY_ - Meaning: to restrain, curb - Carries that restrained _refra_ rhythm ## 2. **RAFFRA / RAFRA family** ### **Raffraichir / rafraîchir** (French) - **Pronunciation:** _rah-freh-SHEER_ - Meaning: to refresh - The **rafraî-** cluster is very close to **raffra** ### **Rafforzare** (Italian) - **Pronunciation:** _rah-for-TSAR-eh_ - Meaning: to reinforce, strengthen - Heavy **raf / ruf** consonant texture ## 5. **Semitic & Afroasiatic echoes** These languages love consonant clusters similar to _r-f-r / r-f-ʁ_. ### **رفرف (rafraf)** – Arabic - **Pronunciation:** _raf-raf_ - Meaning: to flutter, to wave (like wings or flags) - This is **extremely close** to _raffra_ ### **رفرفة (rafrafa)** – Arabic - Intensified form: fluttering repeatedly Considering there is a death rattle from “Kayako” Saeki the “fairy” “entertainer” “nursing” “attendant,” it is fluttering? Archangel Raphael means “God heals.” Arf dog sound = Ralph’s dogs? Oral sex? Yes please. Not even on me, but I really am eager to know what it’s like to suck a penis and make a man whimper with my mouth. Not just any man. I want to know what Vico sounds like having an orgasm. His “O” face. His eyes rolling back from pleasure and his thighs shaking and sweaty and his cock throbbing and twitching. I want to know what he smells like down there. His manly pubic hair. His testicles I could caress and taste. God I’m such a creep. I wish somebody was _this_ fascinated with me to be this curious and eager about exploring my body. I am not sure what led me to Kayako. Oh wait. The music. Sounds like a death rattle. And Toshio Saeki makes meowing sounds, so naturally parallel to that is Kayako with a dog in the picture and “arf arf arf.” What’s so scary about this? Why Toshio? Why death rattle? My dream about being scared of a clock and time passing fast? I think I mentioned “JM Special” because JM Casino with an enye is who I based my dog story “A Space O/pera” on, is a journalism student from my CW 100 class, who became Manongguard Manuel from his “John Miguel(?).” Again with the dogs, arf arf arf and the party for the dog and “attendant” Kayako (whereas in my story the dog isn’t there). Guard = Saeki. How are all of these signifiers magically related to me specifically? Kayako is a vengeful mother ghost! Like in my Anatomy book. And I just got reminded to look at it again because Jeffrey watched Chainsaw Man and Makima is a character the lead guy is interested in (sounds like Maxima). Maybe this is overfitting again. I am magically associating all of these things together as if they mean anything relevant to me. Aurora Sleeping Beauty or the singer vs. fairy Maleficent. Except Aurora is also a “fairy of pop” singer. Jeffrey vs. Vico? Yeah, I am about only 2% interested in Jeffrey now. And that 2% remains only because I couldn’t ever dream about actually becoming someone Vico could be interested in romantically or sexually. Not only is Vico so dominant and impossibly appealing in my mind model, he is someone I think I could need. I want him _and_ need him. If I am right about him being a slightly hotheaded or impatient person or a micromanager or even “anal-retentive” from DJPOOPYPANTS, then he is exactly who I need as a partner to keep me accountable and on track if he might become interested in what I do or want to help me develop my writing skills. I don’t know yet what he could need from me. The delusional idiot in me wants to think the fairy in Kayako is a reference to how people wish on fairies. What could I possibly give him or what unspoken wishes would he have for a partner? I feel like he is really emotionally intelligent, because I read something about him saying to his mom, “I’m your son, not your mayor,” and it made Coney cry or something. There is almost nothing on the internet that could give me more insight into any kind of flaw he might have. Which is impossibly insane. No one, not one human, is this perfect. Seemingly. How am I supposed to remain realistic about this person and not idealize him? I am not trying to pick at flaws. It’s just that I am floored that he is practically the #1 eligible bachelor in this country. It’s no wonder Shawntel is gunning for him too. Like it’s just so obvious already from her IG bio. Every woman wants him, but whoever he chooses will be interesting. I will be waiting to see who it is. What kind of woman could tame this man and capture his heart? What does he value in the opposite sex aside from beauty? Obviously it’s probably Shawntel. They are in the same field. She is involved in governance and is grounded in her community and is very privileged herself, her background in Oxford, her wholesome but still classy sexy image, her Ateneo background the same with Vico. I wonder why he hasn’t liked any of her pictures since 2024 ended. Strange. I think I remember he liked a Korean girl’s picture in September—she’s a model entertainer but has a boyfriend. Maybe he’s easily bored by women’s beauty and needs novelty. If so, maybe that is why he chooses singlehood. He cannot be monogamous for too long? I suppose this is a rational explanation. Instead of playing the field, his goodness makes him suppress it instead and not put a girl through that misery. I wonder what he thinks of my porn research if he has ever read it. I’m pretty sure he masturbates because he’s a guy. But to what? If he was dependent on porn he would not be as productive I think. Maybe he occasionally watches it. You can never really tell. Even if he looks wholesome and clean. Me just casually imagining myself as a dog having my chest and bottom held by Vico re: disembodied hands “dream.” Scary Kayako death rattle????? So this random man really followed me on FB and his name is Ric Aguillon Seduco. “Powerful ruler + irritating person/thorn/goad/sharp point + seduce/lead astray.” From my “Erika” panic and SHEEPLE? Powerful ruler cattle prodding me (sharply) seducing me? Also, he is from Iloilo my mom’s hometown. His name is diminutive of Richard, my dad’s name. Iloilo means “nose-like.” Hmmm. Hallucination. It is 4:25PM and I have only seen his FB story once. SeLf-CoNtRoL. I have not even opened his IG story because I am slightly scared of what I’m going to find. Moderately terrified actually. Did that really happen? What is happening? Did everybody see that? I read a page of Mockingjay just to see if I can stop thinking about it. Maybe I will train my self-control muscles by reading Mockingjay instead. <aside> 🖕 What I assume right now at 5:48PM. Still not logged on any social media now. “They” believe me and my theories????????????? They are my ENEMY??????? DISTRACTING ME TO DEATH SO I NEVER DO ANYTHING AGAIN. </aside> Yeah, he did that to expose that side of him to all the women now. AT least, they do not know I caused it?????? Is he protecting me? THEY LOVE ME NOW. THEY HAVE AN ACTUAL NON-AI AUDIO OF HIM AND VISUAL. 6:17PM. I am going to start reading something easier like TFIOS. 6:19PM. Another love story that is not related to me or my feelings because Mockingjay is not helping. NOT TODAY SATAN. EH? I am not actually saying anything behind the Gelo and Baptist. So now at 6:37PM it’s “go to law school and marry someone like Gelo” to delay the Jesus??????? Or perhaps never get married until I die? Hmmmmmmm. I want to live long I hope. That will require me to not ever have love. I think I can be fine? At this point I want to explore writing more. Maybe it’s really a sign to stop the Vico Delulu on December 31, 2025. And actually greet the clouds tomorrow??????????????? Or, marry someone like Gelo in CDO? I’m not actually thinking this because I lost interest in Vico. I’m just being…thinking. EH again. It just occurred to me that I’m Qahluqulu AGAIN. So now I’m just thinking r/JustHellscapeThings. I mean, I must not be unique, according to my own book. Do whatever you want I guess. OMG Trisha Yap, my sister’s other best friend in high school. Apparently, “noble thirst desire or ambition.” She’s the one who is actually dead. At 19? Through running. So dead people must be relevant? I will die at “19” and discover “aliens” trying to study me to tempt me into cohabiting with an android so aliens can get rid of humanity the “humane” way by making them useless and high all the time on potent love chemical until they starve. 7PM soon. I am not going to write anymore in here until 12AM. or 11PM. Hmm. (…) 11:09PM. Talked with my aunt for a bit. But earlier I surrendered by armodafinils and atomoxetines because I was crying and laughing hard for real and my parents got a small glimpse of my mental state and how it was all fast. And I only gave it up because apparently I have tachycardia and my ankles are extremely swollen but I thought I only had that because of my period because I mistakenly believed estrogen something (or was it progesterone) did that to me. I need to learn more about my cycles more. Also IIT. I realized what happened on Nov 1 and the betlog ontoglyph is because I was somehow superstitious enough to avoid stepping on the grasses near my deceased grandparents’ final resting place. I really believed in it for a moment but then it disappeared. I don’t know if this was before the sleep or after the sleep. I had a dream in childhood or college about a plant like the Plants vs. Zombies green shooter growing a giant thorn and when I was shot by a terrorist in my school Shekinah, I went to hell and got raped by this evil thorny plant. OMG Ric Aguillon ? Seduco. Oh. I am going to sleep. I said something about Bistek or my parents did and I was just curious about Paloma again. No idea why my brain connected it to this politician. Who is Herbert Bautista? I am not googling it. Tomorrow. I am just going to read. I was crying because my poem Tomorrow. I was laughing because before dinner I was aiming to throw away my empty paper rolls and I asked where the trash bags were because they were empty. I told my dad a day ago about Jollibee story. Now they are somehow also triggering me too obviously. I don’t know what else I was thinking about between 7:00-11:09. I don’t feel like my heart rate is a problem at all, which is scary. I’m heading for a stroke or a heart attack at this rate. I became a plant in the dream too. I really thought I forgot what IIT meant. Integrated Information Theory. AMP???????? It’s Avatar SDK, not Blender. I only made it turn and set it to music. 11:54PM. Wondering why even this is possible that I do not get a lot of views at all. Well, back then it wasn’t using AI I think. I am actually in trouble at this rate. People are just going to lead me astray or not give me accurate feedback. Oh well. Goodbye everybody!!!! (YOU) I am cooked. I drank Glycine now. 12AM or something. I felt nothing but guilt when NY struck. I literally told my aunt “Can I go? I have to do something.” Thoughtless again. I came back and told her I was happy I got “a lot of writing” done. I slapped her knee. I did the screaming fakely. Family > Self. 12:40PM. I will reward myself with a small reward for resisting the big reward? Hmmmm. 1:05AM: I am getting seppuku’d aren’t I. _shrug_ 1:09AM. So far. I have not visited any Vico content. Except Bumblebee song. > FEAR. OMG CAESARIAN?????????? OMG Jollibee. > “The practice dates back as far as the [Heian period](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heian_period) (794 to 1185), when it was done by samurai who were about to fall into the hands of their enemies and likely be tortured.[[6]](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seppuku#cite_note-6)” I am not yet super sleepy. ![[Pasted image 20260502154043.png]] I think I will use a different browser to compare why. So my grandma on mom’s side died when she was 9 of a heart attack too early. She was in her forties and she was a teacher. I do not look like her, but I look kind of like her sister if I squint a bit. My mom was the one who found her because she was promised they would go to a salon the next day and when she woke up my grandma was already in some kind of rigor mortis. I have her weirdly wide hands that just look wrong. My uncle from Baptist recently had a stroke maybe in 2024. He was an active runner. I had his same allergy with the pandan or something. I was in SM pre-teen and we ate with my family and I just started randomly having heavy tears and so did he. I have a double risk for it and I just know it. Will I never use armodafinil and atomoxetine again? Sad. But maybe I’m just going to have to suck it up. WHY AM I HIGH ON ATOMOXETINE??????? It has no serotonin. OMG I AM REALLY BIPOLAR. I AM MANIC MOST OF THE TIME AND I DID NOT KNOW. TBH I REALLY HAD A HUNCH. I stole that from Kanye. THEY WERE RIGHT ABOUT ME. BUT THEY MADE ME TAKE ANTIPSYCHOTICS. HUH. I am actually psychotic. I hope that will turn neutral. 2:24AM. Yeah. I do not like having “watery eyes” from Nettles. I am not that person now. I wrote that about a person who stared at me too long. He was not unattractive. I was not even in college? > “GOUGE OUT YOUR EYE EYE TELLS YA” JESUS. Well I am doing that for some reason and I am getting some clarity on Jan 1 and I’m still writing in December 31 journal. I need to sleep now. OMG that person was from my uncle’s church. No, I am saying I also found him kind of appealing in an off-limits way. > “I haven’t taken the medication since I found out it wasn’t bipolar, that it wasn’t the right diagnosis. It’s finding stuff that doesn’t block the creativity, obviously that’s what I bring to the world. It’s worth the ramp-up, as long as y’all get the creativity.” Kanye. HMMMMMMM. BUST OUT LAUGHING. WHY ARE YOU COMPLETELY NAKED BIANCA???????? “Norepinephrine (NE) contributes to mania by **increasing alertness, energy, and arousal**, essentially amplifying the "fight-or-flight" response, leading to hyperactivity, agitation, and euphoria, often seen as an excess in catecholamines (NE and dopamine) during manic states, potentially disrupting brain rhythms and contributing to the rapid cycling of bipolar disorder. While the exact cause of bipolar mania isn't fully known, elevated NE levels, originating from brainstem neurons (locus coeruleus), are strongly linked to the switch from depression to mania, driving the heightened energy and reduced need for sleep characteristic of manic episodes.” HMMMMMM. But I am always sleeping too. WTF????? This must explain why I felt “fine” on some days. And I keep forgetting to take Glycine and magnesium anyway. Why am I tired at the right amount but irregular hours? “"Mae" has several meanings, most commonly as **a feminine name linked to the month of May (growth, spring), a short form of Mary or Margaret (beloved, pearl), or a Scottish variant of "more," but it's also slang in Costa Rica ("dude") and means "mother/river" in Thai**, highlighting its diverse origins and uses across cultures.” OMG Google really said “Trisha Mae Yap.” Audrey? ENEBEYEN some algorithm or infographic told me I would look best with Thai makeup. Man if i ever become famous the Philippines will become “Land of the Crazies” or something. UH-OH “"Land of the Crazies" **likely refers to the Crazy Mountains in Montana, known for complex land ownership (public/private checkerboard) causing access disputes**, or it's a colloquial reference to the settings in the horror films [_**The Crazies**_](https://www.google.com/search?q=The+Crazies&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8&mstk=AUtExfD7RmNG9BpNlTYHhksjlZhfOSbJeGSjikRgpfDcaLiyxD1Bdf5MQWfjY-PgjilVTxRovDpb1hX37K6SnuIrW1TN3mRx-yXJ8moeVq92V5V9dQWtyjFnAlxYRSnt-3jLBueFP9TAn-IyrxtQ6DAY_SoYVAoSqgShAzWxw8jAdF5-2M_4CTTdq9tDuANAqh6tMrmfqDxv5EFb5hFNTdPFcPmkRExpHYSIq1btl33om60MyHZYMZsO0WUpWWjiWsnC_AWSbTBKTFNylg8yMPleHdHR&csui=3&ved=2ahUKEwiV0dSRweiRAxXhrlYBHRcwIzoQgK4QegQIARAE) (1973 & 2010), where a biological agent drives people to violent insanity in isolated towns, creating chaotic "lands". It could also refer to a new narrative non-fiction book about land conflicts in the Montana mountains.” I think I know why I’m attracted to him or obsessed. It really is unexpected. Or at least my brain tells me it’s unexpected, like “labooooo.” So I just googled what names mean “crazy” and actually I stumbled upon Aella. 1st result. AELLA_GIRL?00000000000????????? My “mission” is to convert Aella Girl the giant formerly Christian e-girl whore?????? FOR VICO. EH??????????????? She will probably laugh at me for being delusional. Until she hears about Pepsi. And then what???? WTAF. She is listed as a “writer” on WIKIPEDIA. Hmmmmm. Interesting. If that is his star, who is mine? 3:49AM. He will truly have to be that guy from Redeeming Love then? Wow. This girl has slept with millions of people by now. Her Wikipedia picture resembles Kate. Kind of. I really did this to myself. I posted on FB about publishing office meeting a guy there. And “not claiming this energy” “it’s my last name” “i’ll look good with bangs.” I actually am supposed to hate her because she is the most “billionaire” person of the sex work world. She is functionally chaotic evil. I thought it was Azula today. Turns out it is probably Aella. Chaos. Also, I don’t know if I just forgot about the bodies of water but I remember now. Connecting two larger bodies of water? I’m Pasig now? What? That would be really interesting. Maybe if she gets converted I get more power then? Because I changed her mind? HUH? I am still not asleep and my ideas are not stopping even with Glycine and Magnesium. It is 3:55AM. I have not done any CW 198 work when I promised “soon.” And my Unreal Image is due on Jan 3??????????????????? FUCK. I’m gonna graduate by a sem late. OMG ARRIVAL. I CHANGED THAT CHINESE PRESIDENT GUY’S MIND???????????????? THE UNIFICATION. THE BILLIONAIRE CHRISTIAN WILL MARRY AELLA BECAUSE SHE WANTS MONEY. THAT CONSPIRACY THEORIST. PETER THIEL. ANTICHRIST FOR SOME REASON. ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW? THE PLOT OF REDEEMING LOVE DETAILS. I forgot about the details. Vico is Angel. Or like a photonegative version. I wonder what Vico is thinking. Unfortunately I swore off him. I have downloaded the audio video but I have not seen it since I first saw it. If I am to be scared of him, this is gonna benefit me? OMG Renzo Chua really said “they yearn what they fear” with one of his pictures on FB. I will force everyone to be a socialist of some stripe. I really want to see Vico or hear him or both. I don’t want to do it yet. 4:07AM. Masturbating will make me inutile and useless. And forgetful. Now that the armodafinil and atomoxetine are slowly leaking out of my body, I am remembering more things and integrating them better. I wonder if they’ll make me go to QC again now that I’m sure to get an INC. In both. Iglesia Ni Cristo in BOTH. WTF. Maybe I’ll get a 5.0 in CW 198 as a joke. I will really quit school if this happens though. It’s my last chance to take it. On second thought my parents are gonna force me to finish no matter what. AUGSAOUSGAUIGDEIUGLUDEGILUEFGLUEIFGFLFUEGFLEU 4:30AM. So I know it’s just my child molester’s “fault” that I am amused by sex stuff. Her entire kind was hired in my family to always talk about “bisong” or vagina and “oten” or penis. I attempted to speak “Chinese” by speaking gibberish, really. And then I told my dad “oten” and I laughed. And he was reacting really badly for some reason. I don’t quite remember because I remember just the “disapproval.” And then I really tried to make friends with boys by attempting to grab their groins in grade 1. Or making an action to. I forget I was so weird in Shekinah even though I was valedictorian, and they really punished me for lying about Along Chaves punching me instead. They re-enacted the entire scene—I don’t know how the teachers agreed to do this giant uncertain trauma on me—to make me confess to my crime. Somehow I still ended up being “friends” with Along because I was chasing him and he was looking back at me and he was smiling. I even remember getting married to him in a dream even though I didn’t have a crush on him. That was embarrassing. It’s like that scene in In Time where the opposite rounded staircases meet in the mansion and I was married there? I really am the slum child. I am not even poor. I guess this is where my ALL_GO is sourced in. I lied about Along punching me to get out of the embarrassment. 4:38AM. I just really want to watch In Time right now to see the dresses but my mom is monitoring me if I’m already asleep. I just literally had to google how is embarrassed spelled because it currently looks wrong. If I am to be really John Green in a scifi way, I will really have to tone down my drawings or none at all. I am scared more than excited. I will only include graphs like the Maslow in his book. And the “guys who are still virgins with one leg” venn diagram. OMG PEETA? EH? Really, I should just include those graphs with the stick figure because she literally does not have art skills to boast of. I actually don’t want to know if he’s a virgin or not. Instead I want to keep it a secret on probably our tenth anniversary or maybe deathbed and I’ll just be happy that I was a formative experience or something when he tells me. I don’t actually know. For all I know he will take this, and he’s actually very good in bed because he fucks women secretly, and he’s going to lie to me. To please me. I like extremely plausible lies. Extremely plausible. And then it’s just going to excite me anyway just imagining the mystery of why he’s good because he’s lucky or he’s experienced. The uncertainty will heighten my orgasms. If he’s that bad in bed, maybe he really is a virgin. I will probably assume he is bad because he is a virgin, or because the women he has fucked do not bother to correct him because being fucked by someone like him is a privilege enough. ?????? Hmmm. It is 6:01AM. I keep writing PM for some reason and not AM. I am deleting a lot of PM. I’m gonna sleep now. For real. I really just want to stop thinking. Turning Page was blaring through my ears and I was crying real numinous tears because I forgot about this song. It’s just a daydream though but I do not want to hurt myself by functioning as if it is actually possible. Come to think of it, why would they ruin me forever deliberately? They are fine with my death if Vico does not choose me? Ok then. I wasn’t even listening to Turning Page. WOW MY MEMORY IS IMPROVING. NICOLE THAT GUY IN GRADE 5 actually said I look like Cristine Reyes and Nikki Gil. Not Marian Rivera. So my mom looks like Marian Rivera’s cousin. Or my sister Ally with her 2 dimples. I have not slept. 6:37AM I don’t look like Cristine Reyes. Actually it’s just the 1 huge comma-like dimple. I was always envious of Kimberly Alyza Tee being called “imba” for “imbalanced” for some reason when she seems really straightlaced and the right kind of engineering brain that finds accounting easy. Man I really am like Edward now, am I. I cannot read Bella’s mind. It’s just impossible now. I prefer being distant now that I know what his orgasm voice sounds like. Why am I allergic to pandan? Baptists? I’m not sure it was pandan. “Naturally sweet taste and soft aroma” AMP. OK. So I am attracted to bitter and hard? ?????????? OMG penises everywhere. I realize I am very in denial about the disembodied hands pleasuring me. It felt good, but no one was there but hands. It was very scary actually. I had another “disembodied hands” dream but it was months ago. And it was arms too just really applying this strange pressure on my neck and upper chest as I was lying down on my bed. It is scary because of that movie I saw—that one with the invisible ghost that can be seen in mirrors as the door is swiveling and it’s just sitting and hanging over his back and making his back ache really bad. So what I’m planning to do is make myself watch the audio-video later and not do anything about it. I am going to develop steel focus. And natural dopamine making me really motivated to accomplish something because I have not eaten the fruit or reward yet. Relief. Maybe at the end of the year I could recite this entire spiel of him Top 10ing and then shocking me from memory. Maybe I could copy his accent. Why does he have a great Filipino accent when he’s from Ateneo. OMG. I am an Ingleshera from UP. I always was unconsciously being amazed at this fact. He is extremely smart at idioms in English. Like that flywheel or something. But he is magically great in Tagalog? How? Bilingual people are really a bunch of halimaw. 7:26AM. So I really believe I should at least stalk HPD actually. I fully believe he is now functioning like “Haymitch” in THG. He was a former victor. Just in time for Sunrise on the Reaping. My poem sunrise. Or at least Mike. I have no clue actually. Maybe I’m just going insane because I saw definitive “proof” that it really is him. Earlier today, the format of the Putin-Erika Kirk meme I posted with the video he resonated with the Somali daycare and person with two degrees. Barely any food for one, and so much money for the other. Bread???????????? PEETA. WHO IS BILLIONAIRE BUT PETER THIEL? > It makes it a “geopolitical confrontation” now. This was what I realized earlier and why I could not sleep. I cannot believe my blathering and rambling has any bearing on reality. It’s just the universe’s joke that the arrival has to come through the needle of the schizo or psychotic, unreliable narrators?????? Why would I be right, and the rest of them are wrong? It is extremely common to have a GOD COMPLEX or a MESSIAH DELUSION. I can see what is happening. People born after 2025 are now compromised with the name meanings? You could game it and pretend. Or 2024. I have no clue. I don’t know why Taiwan login??????? 7:42AM: I have a compulsion that is almost very intense to go back to September or October screenshots and videos and really try to see when “Vico and his team” were informed about me. How did that happen? Did some UPD prof really email him through his “work email only” on IG????? WHAT. How did they pitch me to Vico? “OMG YOU HAVE TO READ THIS GIRL’S DIARY!!!!” When did that happen? I’m pretty sure it didn’t happen in 2024. It didn’t happen in August this year. I really am so confused. Why would he have time? I am always writing long entries?????? How fast does he read????????? OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Somebody tell me this isn’t an insane thing to think: so billionaires and people who are rich who want to enjoy their hedonic treadmill on earth will do everything possible to delay Jesus. Or will they not after they figure out what will happen after? What exactly is going to happen? They will make sure—I guess this is the “hardware”—I never find love at all. And I think they’re going to win. Obviously. Obviously I should just not dream about Vico anymore because they’re going to prevent it and be successful. Whoever I am being spread to, maybe they are rich and enjoying their lives, and they’re gonna vote to keep me miserable but creative and cause all sorts of chaos I cannot predict. Until I die. Or they will extend my life forever if they ever directly confront me and hold me hostage and actually capture me for real. And I will watch Vico die from the sidelines. So seppuku idea is going to be hella great. Or until I die of natural causes without anybody knowing who I am. I guess this is why a novel would be perfect to convince Aella. She is my ideal reader. I have to study how she works. I am probably going to do a psych profile on her in ChatGPT. I did that with Vico, tbh. I was so curious. And yet I still don’t know what he could want from me. Is it going to be a thinly veiled Promising Young Woman/Pepsi Paloma hybrid? I don’t know yet. What would convince her to believe in my “divinity” without calling attention to myself so I do not become a global target? Her secret languages. Her dreams. What? She is very “earnest” anyway. I could find her patterns and use that against her. So the Angel chooses Hoe story? Interesting. It’s not my best idea. It’s not even that original. Why would Aella sympathize with an ugly girl? It’s the mother. She is the mother I am basing it on. Aella is chosen by the Angel to beget Jesus. Jesus turns out to be so unappealing they become a terrorist? I cannot be a prof now. I basically christened Anita Love as a transwoman. Lakan? 8:15AM: OMG. I remember being pierced by CATO on Vico’s posts everywhere. “I can still do this.” WTF. Breakfast done but have not slept at all. It is not the armodafinil and atomoxetine that is making me awake. Convolunin???????????? I drank a really heavy dose of Glycine and magnesium threonate and melatonin earlier. None of it worked to make me even a little sleepy, when before, just Glycine knocked me out. I suppose it really is the horny. I wonder what my zettels hold that I could develop. I have no time though. My priority is to finish school and write the Angel_Hoe. Maybe if I become “lost history” they will discover that I had a role and unearth all my zettels. I have no idea what half of them mean now. And some of them were wiped by water from my side of the roof leaking so now they’re just smudged and useless. Lost indeed. But look what happened to me. The water thing happened so many times I don’t understand why I didn’t take more precautions. 8:31AM: I am still really scared of opening the video again even though it’s already downloaded on my iPad. It’s just not real. It’s accruing some kind of holiness I cannot attempt to approach. I’m gonna listen to a song instead. Did that actually happen? My memory is not reliable anymore when it comes to him. I don’t remember the exact sound he made. I just know my brain is modeling it as if it’s tiptoeing around it but getting its silhouette like a really sexy sundress showing the body’s outline from the sun’s angle. It’s not such a sheer dress. It’s just at that sweet spot where I’m probably misremembering what exactly happened. He hit the screen, something fell, and then sound of pleasure. AMP!!!!! WHAT. WILD. Even writing it down is wild!!!!! Words equaling video to me?????? Words as material. In case no one got what I stole from Kanye = “nothing in this world is promised” from my Tomorrow poem. <aside> 🖕 OMG I JUST REMEMBERED. IS ENTENG KABISOTE VIC SOTTO? BISTEK. I mistakenly melded these two together. OMG HERBERT BAUTISTA LOOKS LIKE A VERSION OF PAOLO MANALO. I had no clue what Enteng Kabisote is but vaguely tagged it with Vic Sotto. And also Bistek? They have similar letters inside. Except A and O. What are A AND O???????????? OMG do not tell me this is the last two letters of “Changdao.” ?????? I’m getting a lot of 2s. Things coming in pairs. 7 and 14. Anita Love. Hmmmmmm. My parents told me they didn’t know about the live TV apology. Such clout to delete that story. And also, I felt really conflicted with Paolo because his poems were wish fulfillment ones. Of course they felt good. What is this saying? Does this mean she felt nice when she was raped? OMG. ???????? The headfuck of that, can you imagine? But was she high? Or completely drugged out? OMG I’m getting the sense that these drugs were “pleasure” drugs. If this has any bearing on me. “They” are doing the same thing to me with Vico. I am really not an “honorary” anything. The sound of his orgasm. ??????????????????????????? </aside> MAN. My EFFORT today is an exponential jump. I have not caved at all towards Vico’s gravity. I have only literally seen it once. I’m excited in a real way for the first time in a long while that I get to watch it again if I manage to do work. The anticipation is killing me softly. I was right. Did they bet on me or something? What are they thinking perhaps. OMG HE LITERALLY HIT THE SCREEN or the person. IN ADVANCE. I think. I remember. It is 9:30AM. I’m just maybe doubting if it started when I listened to “We Made It” with the twins album art. “This boy gotta hit / got a hit.” OMG TIRAHIN MO AKO????????? I am throbbing down there. OMG I need to sleep. Not sleep as in sex. I really cannot be intensely horny right now. But it’s there. FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SCREAMING IN COLOR. Got the brilliant idea to rewatch Woo Young Woo because it’s “polite but let’s be honest, some sexual stuff” but also uncommon intelligence and her special interest is whales. It will lull me into a romantic academic vibe. BYE. OMG I AM A HAPPY LITTLE NUGGET. I literally renamed my journal out of laziness into “12/25 A.D.-1/26 B.C.” and I realized it was “Over Before It Began” by Joyce Manor. Now the song has special meaning and is happy song now. I am too tired to correct myself but I’m actually wrong. It’s not After Death. Shits and giggles me just wanting to say fuck it, it is now. <aside> 👌 The terms _**anno Domini**_ (**AD**) and **before Christ** (**BC**) are used when designating years in the [Gregorian](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gregorian_calendar) and [Julian](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Julian_calendar) calendars. The term _anno Domini_ is [Medieval Latin](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Medieval_Latin) and means "in the year of the Lord"[[1]](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anno_Domini#cite_note-1) but is often presented using "our Lord" instead of "the Lord",[[2]](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anno_Domini#cite_note-2)[[3]](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anno_Domini#cite_note-3) taken from the full original phrase "_anno Domini nostri Jesu Christi_", which translates to "in the year of our Lord [Jesus Christ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jesus_Christ)". The form "BC" is specific to [English](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/English_language), and equivalent abbreviations are used in other languages: the [Latin](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Latin_\(language\)) form, rarely used in English, is [_ante Christum natum_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ante_Christum_natum) (ACN) or [_ante Christum_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ante_Christum) (AC). </aside> WOW this is confusing. I will figure it out later. I don’t understand how AD and BC work. OMG BRAIN STAAAAAHP I JUST REALIZED. In actual sex the sounds do not stop at one snippet only!!!!!!!!!! There’s gonna be breath and out-of-breath and breathless. And just sucking each other’s air. I AM SO HORNY NOW. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. RED PILL PEOPLE. WOW. THEY HATE ME. WOMEN’S TINGLES FOR ALPHAS. I am a really lustful person. I forgot about that word. It’s always horny. Lust is luster. Shiny. Magnetic. Slippery. "_**Lust" comes from the proto-German word "lustuz" meaning 'to be eager**_.' "Lustre" comes from from the Latin "lustrare" - 'to illuminate.'[Read more]([https://www.reddit.com/r/Showerthoughts/comments/2tk52w/who_can_find_the_correlation_between_lust_and/#:~:text="Lust" comes from the proto-German,Latin "lustrare" - 'to illuminate.)](https://www.reddit.com/r/Showerthoughts/comments/2tk52w/who_can_find_the_correlation_between_lust_and/#:~:text=%22Lust%22%20comes%20from%20the%20proto%2DGerman,Latin%20%22lustrare%22%20%2D%20'to%20illuminate.\)) Well I am really eager. Yeah, “I was just scared warding it off” from Toshio Saeki is his orgasm sound?????????????? OMG it’s so strange if somebody you’ve been objectifying breaks the fourth wall like that. If that happened to porn addicts, I wonder… would they become more addicted? They would, like me, feel very flattered and scared??? And want to see it again? But I don’t want to see it again. I am afraid I will not be able to control myself if I do. I will waste actual time and instantly go from 7 to 11 and be jumpscared by my own laziness and unwise decisions. WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE. Plants can read minds? Oh wait, no. They use your language through observing you all the time what you do in real life and who you interact with? Why did I dream of that terrorist school shooter? Random person. Ma’am Hannah Official was there and she was apparently in cahoots with the guy (maybe). I remember I was being coerced to take off my clothes, and if I did not, there would be consequences. Then I got shot. And then went to hell!!!!! Shame about bodies. They thought it was obvious because I was writing about my body so much? And I was really somewhat consumed with Plants vs. Zombies? That means they know what a plant is in cartoon form? They are intelligent? OH BOY. How can they survive just staying still in one place? In Unreal Image, Qahluqulu does not differentiate between anything for communication. Even dreams inside your head. He categorizes them unconsciously but is not aware of it. But Qahluqulu is not a spirit. He is something else. Maybe not all plants are conscious. Maybe I just got lucky again. Magic plant? Innocuously hidden in the plain grass? I ran out of willpower at 11:23AM. I must have spent hours upon hours of resisting. I watched his IG stories. “Rough and tough and strong and mean” from Raining Men song. I mean, the thought is sexy. But I want both of them. Gentle and passionate too. OMG “soaking wet” from men though????? Vaginas are so weird being like flesh sponges. OMG Vico still has his old phone from childhood???? So lucky.