### **Morning Pages** - [ ] STAND EVERY END OF HOUR. 5:00PMish: finally got a monitor stand. I think I slept about 2AM earlier. Woke up 5:00PMish. Can’t wait for atomoxetine and DLPA and Lion’s Mane to arrive. Well, I dreamt of “the JM special” because of Saeki. And something about Eloisa and a cult in Shekinah. Which led me to rabbit hole of previous Eloisa dreams and Masters dissertation page with octopus icon for some reason. Something about the feeling of body grinding in my dream. So intoxicating. Things that are currently bothering me: 1. Neck and upper body pain—cannot rotate my neck and head without stiffness and aches. Back hurts even though I deliberately try to have good posture. Monitor riser arrived today, hopefully I improve. 2. Ants everywhere appearing on my body like they’re falling from the sky. Time to accept that my norepinephrine is coming from exercise, like 70%. Stack alertness by only taking armoda after or minutes in the lead up to exercise. Palanca awarding yesterday. _sigh_ Things to increase comfort/neck fatigue: 1. Desk pillow (to align elbows) 2. Padded stool (to buy) You will never be 100% comfortable. Impromptu stretching for 3 minutes or so. Felt good. Do it more often. You need the warm up more now that you’re no longer young -_- There is a war in my body. Fasciculations igniting everywhere. What feels like hundreds of muscles twitching all at once just making me feel very broken and damaged. It must be in the 200s now. Lost count. 9:30PM: Where did my time go? Shopping for necessities. Being uncomfortable even though I have a makeshift desk pillow and monitor riser. Always adjusting readjusting my back pillow and cushion. Being uncomfortable in general. 9:45PM: Took electrolytes because of Benign Fasciculation Syndrome Scare. Fuck antipsychotics and FUCK Dr. Hipona for being a negligent psychiatrist full of bullshit. Also ate dark chocolate for good brain chemical stuff. For the next few days to reclaim time and reduce friction: 1. **Turn time into “containers” instead of open-ended risk zones. Tasks expand to fill the vague space you give them.** 2. **Lower activation energy by using micro-starts. Do 30-second versions of everything. Your brain gets tricked into motion. See: CW 198 attempt last October 13.** 3. **Protect your “high-cognition hours.” You have only 2–4 hours/day of peak cognitive time. See: you always seem to let it pass without taking advantage of it. Stop intermittent social media usage.** 4. **Limit context switching like it's poison (because it is). Work in “mode blocks,” not tasks. Communication mode, work mode, admin mode, planning mode.** 5. **Reclaim energy by designing recovery intentionally. You don’t have fatigue — you have micro-recovery deficits.** Energy leaks come from: - poor transitions between tasks - no decompression points - emotional load unprocessed - scattered attention **Fix:** Insert 3–5 minute “reset pockets” (real ones, not scrolling). Examples: - lie down for 2 minutes - slow breathing for 8 breaths - “closed eye mode” for 60 seconds - walk to the kitchen and back This boosts cognitive function far more than powering through. 6. **Reduce your daily cognitive load through environmental design.** Humans don’t rise to the level of motivation; we fall to the level of _environmental scaffolding_. **Externalize everything that normally lives in your brain. See: you have no idea where to start with CW 198 research proposal.** Cognitive offloading: - to-do list visible - tabs minimized to one task - routines written out - decisions pre-made the night before If you can _see_ the plan, you don’t have to _hold_ it. 7. Biggest PROBLEMS: task inertia out of fear of failing it despite proving that you can do it in the past because of the feeling that you do not know what you’re doing. I think I know what’s going on here. Whether or not Ma’am Marby realizes it. I’m being forced to live out how alternative learning actually works now. The “I will not spoonfeed you” but taken to extreme levels because maybe she wants to prove something. I am expected to reverse engineer what I’m supposed to do with not a clue as to what I’m supposed to do. I don’t even know what Track 1 or Track 2 means. My closest guide is Jasmine’s revised research proposal. Which was passed last October 29. And my biggest problem is not knowing how to design my study, and how to analyze the data. — NOV 29: Really irritated at my lagging cursor. Dreams of MacBook Pro. 200k at least. Currently starting CW 198 by throwing myself off the ledge and saying fuck it. My real deadline is on December 5. Like literally hurrying up to get participants by Dec 1, get them to answer by December 4, write my field notes by that day, and turn it in on December 5. Learning in CW 198 that symbolic language holds deeper meaning. It EXPRESSES deeper meaning. Then how can my dreams not contain meaning? Whatever my brain does unconsciously or not is important. Like, I dreamt about RR room in Shekinah—Reading Readiness with Cathlyn Rea and Elaiza (pair of popular girls). Lights were off. I also dreamt about somebody like Alizeiah rubbing with toothpaste the numbers that were in revealed to be red on a table of some sort in that room. Something about Eloisa rubbing on my back—or maybe it was some composite girl—and telling me I need to wear red dolphin shorts like Isabella or red underwear to join. Isabella was there wearing a sexy outfit and with some other girls in a dance formation. Realized possible dream mechanism. I stalked Jelene Pugoy—classmate I swiped the drawing of in grade 1. Ended up dreaming of Kinder RR room. So it’s do something in future-oriented state (wondering about her Canada life)—shown steps in dream about “how to get there” (Kinder 1) to grade 1. Except lights were off in RR room. And something about Alizeiah scrubbing a table full of numbers like in a horror way but for those raffle tickets in malls. Last time I dreamt of her was her re-enactment with Stanley of my snubbing experience with that Li girl and that other summa cum laude guy. Lottery? Gambling my odds in querying? Novel excerpt for sure—summa cum laude guy in Unreal Image. So it aligns in a way. 2 steps before I land an agent—possible longlisting or shortlisting or even winning the Uncharted novel excerpt contest and Clarion West scholarship to really show the agent I have creds. Man of the Year by Lorde = Toshio Saeki. Knew it was familiar. Man of the year + assistant to an official or guard. JM from “JM Special” dream or Stanley = let’s hear it for the man of the year. Swish mouthwash = Old Spice ad that reminds me of him. Gold chain = We Made It rightmost twin with wolf patch. “Lorde's "Man of the Year" is about **exploring her gender identity after a breakup and feeling that "she was the man of the year to me,"** according to [**Genius**](https://genius.com/Lorde-man-of-the-year-lyrics), [**Bustle**](https://www.bustle.com/entertainment/lorde-man-of-the-year-lyrics-meaning), and [**Her Campus**](https://www.hercampus.com/culture/lorde-man-of-the-year-lyrics-music-video-meaning-explained/). The song was inspired by attending a [GQ Men of the Year party](https://www.google.com/search?q=GQ+Men+of+the+Year+party&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8&ved=2ahUKEwju85CqxZWRAxVqsFYBHVGXG3UQgK4QegYIAQgAEAc), after which she wrote the song to represent her fluid gender expression, which she has described as feeling like "a man and a woman, kind of vibe," via [**GQ**](https://www.gq.com/story/lorde-man-of-the-year-gq-party-song-meaning) and [**Billboard**](https://www.billboard.com/music/music-news/lorde-virgin-next-single-man-of-the-year-gender-identity-1235976338/). The title is a reference to this feeling of being her own "man of the year," and the lyrics reflect her journey of "cutting the cord" between herself and a regulated sense of femininity, as explained by [**Wikipedia**](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Man_of_the_Year_\(Lorde_song\)). - **Gender exploration:** The song is a direct response to Lorde's feelings of gender fluidity after a breakup, and her journey to visualize a self that felt more representative of how her gender felt at that moment, says Genius and Bustle. - **"Man of the Year" as a self-title:** The title is a reference to her decision to celebrate this new phase of self-expression, as she explained to a radio show, "I wanna write a song about how I'm the Man Of The Year to me," notes Her Campus. - **Breaking free:** The song uses the metaphor of "cutting the cord" between herself and a "regulated femininity," which she linked to stopping her birth control, says Wikipedia and Billboard. - **Duality and acceptance:** The lyrics "Who's gon' love me like this?" express a fear of not being understood or accepted during this time of exploration, while the visuals and lyrics celebrate the masculine parts of herself that she is embracing, notes Wikipedia and Her Campus” …So now I’m the rightmost twin??!!! Impostor Justine in the future!!!! LOL. Delusion at its peak. “Didn’t think he’d appear.” What about Toshio Saeki? Instant feeling of clock switching from 7PM to 11PM and I was just scared trying to ward it off while floating. 3:17AM: annoying teeth sensitivity to cold water. Pity, because I love cold water. Need to go to dentist soon. I really do need veneers. Plan is to sleep at 9PM later and 8PM tomorrow so I get 10/11 hours of sleep to offset sleep debt and regularize circadian rhythm so I don’t get interrupted by breakfast. Drink magnesium and iron only then. Then the plan is at least to make it through today _and_ have time to watch Stranger Things episode 1 to reinforce work ethic paired with high reward I’ve been looking forward to. That’s 17 hours left and barring breakfast, lunch, breaks, and allowance for procrastination withdrawal spells, I maybe have 11.5 hours left for work. Solid work to really finish my proposal today, design the study, and maybe post in Tita Talks. Important to maintain good sleep on Wellbutrin to maintain ghrelin and leptin. Take advantage of increased energy by exercising more to reduce hunger even more. Movies to look forward to in December: Hamnet, Kajillionaire, Zootopia, Troll 2, Wake Up Dead Man, Five Nights at Freddy’s 2. You did better this week than last week, almost matching your Week 2 volume by 15 tasks, 50 from 65. 74 minutes of exercise this month. Average is about 2.46 minutes per day. I need to improve. Ask AI how to improve raw absorption ability from audio and reading. Reflections on Making Space by R.F. Kuang: haven’t reached the time travel part yet, but there must be some purpose to all the life that is being instigated by sexual reproduction everywhere. The instinct to reproduce must have a purpose, and maybe it’s to reach a finish line (maybe that’s the most rational) or maybe we are feeding some system. Every node of life whether human or animal, no matter how small, must contribute to a—I hate to use this word now with AI appropriating it—tapestry of some kind, or a really big field of some kind where all the things that have consciousness still get to exist or build up to something. It’d be such a waste for all of it to add up to nothing. Just material starts and ends burning out eventually to be replaced by the next. Maybe it’ll really add up to an interlocking puzzle. Reflections again on AI solutions: well, I asked it why with all of my “compensations”: lumbar pillow, pillow cushion under butt, monitor riser, pillow under my elbows, I still felt uncomfortable. Well, it basically said to remove any of them, or maybe all of them, so I ended up removing the cushion pillow under my butt, and it helped significantly. It couldn’t tell me exactly what to remove, but I ended up removing the right thing to improve my back pain. Okay. Benefit of improved back pain seems to stay by turning pillow cushion backward. Weird. Do I have a backwards body? Maybe R.F. Kuang’s short story is just so compelling I don’t notice any pain. I really thought I had a problem with stories and books in general, but turns out a story just needs to surface that “OMG I need to know what/why!!!” feeling. I just need to apply this to my story too. Like why would they be curious about Justine’s specific flavor of bullies and insecurities in general—they want to know what she looks like? Well, it happens on page 5 with the visual. Then they’d predictably be surprised because my drawing makes her look somewhat cute/charming. Okay, I did not win PBBY. But honorable mention won with his entry “Atsarang Papaya” which tells me about atsara. I had the dream on Nov 26. It was announced 6PM. I woke up 6PM. So the public knew about it by 6PM, but who knows when they decided in the leadup? Point is, my future contained atsara but I did not win. Why would a handler have anything to do with this contest? Such a faint connection. Or maybe that I realized it was atsara is the point. Something in real life being decrypted into my reality from my dream puzzle. It made me think of A_A_STAR in the first place from vibe of photographer who assaulted me and commenting on my boobs and me slapping him (what I wanted to do to him but did not). Maybe God has really moved on from humanity and created other living beings beyond materiality and spirit. Maybe the Bible is just God’s “soft block” feature by taking responsibility for a failed experiment. We do not know about the “superior” beings because of course they are not relevant to our experience anymore. Only the angels and demons, spirits who have rebelled and have been written about to interact with or maybe helped this human experiment fail, are actually relevant to the Bible. We have no clue what could possibly be God’s other loves. They could have inherited some aspect of Him. Like the elohim inherited semi-limitless abilities to travel without constraints of materiality or being able to appear to material people to send messages, and the humans were able to inherit maybe passion or free will (the kind that some rebel angels had) and this is why God attempted to copy some aspect of the spirit’s free will to test if it would rebel again in a different modality. Maybe he put that freedom again in a different modality. I can’t imagine what. What would be different from spirit and materiality? My mind can’t comprehend something beyond it or a third option that isn’t invisible to me. Because I of course don’t understand what spirit really is. Nobody does. We just have a really undeveloped idea of what spirituality or spirit is. Nobody has really mapped out the forces or particles or spaces or times of the spirit world. LOL what if your spirit only continues if you matter to the spirits in some way. If they deem you worthy enough to be preserved in some kind of “memory bank” of theirs the same with our photographs and pictures and maybe DNA genetic centers with our chromosomal arrangements and all. Be it devil or angel. That would be really interesting. Only the really interesting people will somehow be reincarnated or allowed to proceed. Just like with pregnancy. All the sperms rejected for one lucky schmuck. If only the really good people are noticed by good spirits, and if only the really bad people are preserved by bad spirits, then what happens in that really binary realm where they put them all together where there is no middle-ground? Is identity the source of spirit? Seems like a non-reducible something something. Like I know it’s malleable by many people’s spirits and forces, but it’s thought to be stable? Or maybe not. Individuality is probably the source of the rebellion of spirits. Maybe it isn’t known as individuality to them. Not how they would define it anyway. Because they have no bodies to contain themselves. What would separate a spirit from another spirit? God put that quality in humans only in a metaphorical or equivalent sense, and now it led to similar rebellions? Maybe he tried again, and third try’s the charm? Maybe it also failed and we’re in a long line of experiments where the next one beyond humans knows something about humans only, not spirits. Except are humans tampering or tampered with his new creations? Maybe it takes a first person to say this to recognize that there is a way to talk to other people in the grand universal space that includes every known dimension or universe or plane of existence. Maybe people trying to contact aliens or something. People trying to transmit radio waves when for all we know that’s just really useless? What do we have in common but with spirits but language or communication? Maybe language—our own particular way of expression—is how we contact them? Or maybe even _accidentally_ ruin God’s new experiment. It was envy that made demons hate us. It will probably be envy that makes someone do something meaningful to the other race or species to get them to disobey God. The thing that’s getting to me is the matter/spirit dichotomy. Like, I just know intuitively that people lump abstract things into spirit like self and consciousness because no one has yet to express in material terms how these two things come into being in a complete way that even experience or qualia can be talked about without relations or categorization. It’s spirit until proven otherwise. Even then I think of atoms like invisible non-things because they’re just so absent from my life because I can’t sense them individually. Maybe that could be how you become important to spirits, not by yourself, but by how your particular makeup i.e. your kind of cell interacts with other “particles” in the biology of an organism they have identified as a whole that they can actually interact with. Maybe the spirits have the equivalent of a super AI that can preserve entire perfect simulations of people within one recognizable system that actually functions as a whole. Your importance to the system being like the blood cells in the heart if you’re important enough, or a literal neuron or a cluster of memory in that large creature’s brain. How would this not work? We study ecosystems, or other systems of interlocking processes that do something larger than the sum of its parts. Funny how my first instinct is to wonder what would make a person become a really important organ in that hivemind body? Instead of a neuron or a cluster of memory, they’d be functioning as an entire interconnected network? And why not? Humans are already experimenting with organoid brains grown on a petri dish to power up some devices more efficiently than AI or some other. Another idea: that you can only interact with these spirits “back” if you become a functioning hivemind or a larger consciousness that has somehow transcended their individuality in some way to have melded into another whole thing. Like how caterpillars can’t fly but butterflies can because they have grown wings? Maybe if you put two minds in a real interaction (beyond sex and becoming one or those philosophical “coming together” things) they can communicate to spirits or be seen or sensed by them in some way. It explains a lot of the demon possession. Like it’s just random people being “attractive” to demons like how some people have blood or chemistry that attracts mosquitoes. Another thing to wonder about. Like what would cause a demon to want to (or be capable of seeing or sensing and then interacting) possess or interact with a human body for seemingly no reason? Or maybe it is sex? Maybe there’s some truth to the soul ties concept??? BIG LOL. What if every time you orgasm to the thought of a person or a porn actor you unwittingly become “visible” to a spirit realm for a few moments. And they learn to sense who you are based on these small moments or windows? Or maybe that’s why we have sex dreams or wet dreams? Demons trying to hijack our sex abilities to orgasm to be able to study us by flooding our brains with images and people. LOL. They should really test if children who have never developed the ability to masturbate or have sexual function yet have been known to be possessed by spirits. No baby ever has been possessed I guess? Maybe asexual people are invisible or irrelevant (LOL I AM SO SORRY). Maybe God put this ability to reproduce or feel orgasms in humans as a unique trait for maybe a quiet hope that we will develop the ability to know or talk with the spirits ourselves? And maybe not to his new experiments? And what if it only works if both people masturbate or have sex and then orgasm at the same time as who they’re pleasuring or masturbating to? You know, to synchronize? But then that would be a really rare ability. And demon possession is a thing that is already known—not too common but occurs a lot probably more than simultaneous orgasms. Maybe it just takes a particular kind of orgasm. Maybe this is why I felt so scared during that shrooms trip. I had these delusions that I was “one with other people” like some kind of reduced filter for my own individuality. Like I really thought I was one with another person my parents talked about was depressed and suicidal and taking antipsychotics too. Maybe losing your individuality for a while does that. You’re more porous and penetrable. I don’t see how my hivemind spirit sense theory isn’t credible. Like how would experiential realms like consciousness exist without tangible physicality? Something has to deem us relevant enough to be “gapang” (lol googled the word because I thought it meant something else) and extend us to some modality once our physicality expires inevitably. Oh and that’s another thing that God made sure of. Expiry or an end date of our bodies. Maybe we really are going to end up as nothing if God doesn’t give us life of some kind in the end. While spirits get to exist forever by default in the sense that they can still experience their entire experience as one unbroken line of existence, humans have to die and end their physical existence. Does every “good enough” person get eternal life? I mean that was what Jesus said? So there’s no gradation? Like one spirit will not end at some point after a smaller infinity than the other person who’s deemed more holy than them. And why is our end state just like the spirits? Why are we fated to end our physicality and enter heaven just like the substance of the demons and angels? Maybe I’m not so clear about this. Jesus became flesh, but now he’s back to the original realm? Where is Jesus’ physicality? It’s no longer there. If I have any idea about what the third thing beyond spirit or human might be, the Holy Spirit might be a clue? I mean they’re named Spirit with a capital S, but what exactly are they? Maybe God doesn’t care about human pain in such a visceral way that humans do because he literally knows better about what he’s going to do to them to offset what he allowed? Never say this out loud though, this will make people not care about human suffering and marginalization if it’s proven that God will do something about it eventually only after they die. LOL I am already studying how it works laterally through dreams. I can’t figure out how to study orgasms because I literally am a femcel who has no access to sex partners with people I want to do it with and who would agree to do it with me????? Man I’m really curious about what kind of knowledge or intuition I would have if I was just a pure spirit without a body. Maybe communicating with spirits is exactly the way to understand reality better. This whole line of creative argumentation and exploration really kicked the door for me wide open, and I now believe in spirits more simply because I have real motivation to talk with them or become important enough to them. Maybe this is why God prohibited those people in the past to talk to dead people or attempt to talk to dead people? But has He actually prevented people from talking with angels or demons? Angels are permitted to talk to humans in specific circumstances, but they actually don’t care about talking with us unless they are told to do so? So that means only demons are volitionally motivated to talk to us whenever some spirit actually bothers to talk to us now? I’ve never heard of a person being visited by an angel and being instructed to do something, or I just think they’re all bluffing. Oh boy, if I know too much, I realize I have a ticking time bomb on my hands. If anyone reads this and communicates my ideas to other people, I will probably serve my purpose! LOL. They will try to kill me or preserve me because they want to know what happens if more people know about it. Maybe demons will support me? LOL. So I think this is how demons actually made it happen. Or maybe angels. Since not all spirits are omniscient or know everything, some humans only communicated who the PBBY-Salanga winners were merely hours before 6PM on November 27. So the spirits had some time to work in my dreams to talk to me using A_A_STAR and atsara reference because I literally woke up at 6PMish and wrote down my dreams after I think. Because they can’t actually predict the future winner because they can’t read minds, only after the information was communicated to another living person in the visible world could they reasonably get the information and work it into my dreams. Only why give this key to me? I know there’s no free lunch, so what do they ask in return? Will they get mad if I don’t do anything with this knowledge or develop it? Man, I have a real deadline, and a goal to publish Unreal Image as fast as possible. Maybe I can replace Berggruen goal or maybe even enter my treatise about this entire hunch as a Berggruen essay. If it doesn’t win, I’ll develop it into a book. Hopefully, I’m exceedingly lucky in that Berggruen Prize’s next theme would be related to the formation of the spiritual realm. Come to think of it, this is more important than what money could give me with Unreal Image or beauty from that money to attain my dream of having sex with a beautiful man. AI will steal my moneymaking idea by making the market saturated anyway with trope-driven speculative fiction. Maybe I can earn some credibility by publishing it is a nonfiction book first and then I’ll have to pitch it to my agent who happens to represent fiction too. That way it’ll be easier. A manuscript proposal I think is easier to do—what they require nonfiction people to do—except you really need credibility in the first place. Like that ol’ experience-to-get-job-job-to-get-experience problem. I need an MSc in philosophy for this to work. Probably an MSc related to a major in religious studies. LOL I have Vico to thank in my dedication now. Monkey brain leading to questions about what differentiates humans from chimps got me here. And what else? All those “dead people” that people keep encountering as malevolent ghosts? They are the flawed work of demons? An angel couldn’t be motivated to extend a human life in that way that isn’t approved by God. So whatever is talking to humans or claims to talk to humans is a flawed version of that dead person or does not represent them perfectly. Funny how I’m imagining myself as a person conflicted by two mini demon and angel figures standing on either side of my shoulders right now. One whispering secrets of the universe, one just being held hostage or allowing the other because….well, I can’t say? Why though? If God sees what I’m doing right now? Why am I not struck dead yet? Strange. Maybe I’m just here because God still needs me to make my parents proud or take care of Am-am. Somebody invented AI so I can be insane and ask AI all these clarifying questions about spirits so I can develop my theory better. LOL? If only I wasn’t so schizo or super Christian about it given that I’m using Christian cosmology to talk about stuff, more people might actually take me seriously. It’s because I have no material proof, except atsara. Literal origin story is A_A_Star, so letterboxd and my entire bimbofication story in 2023 must be mentioned complete with the creepy photographer. Hate that he must be relevant, but here we are. He’s going to be known by everybody now. I was right about angels and demons having perfect memory. According to AI, Angels can grasp concepts—like mathematical, moral, or metaphysical truths—**instantly and completely**, without trial and error. We need to write our math down because we have memory bottlenecks. What could they possibly want from me if they know everything or nearly everything I know and can know? Maybe not. Finding that thing would require creativity? Schizo creativity that I was built to develop!!!! BRUH. I am only still alive because God remembers me as a child giving away my hard-earned 100 pesos to the church. Abby = Father’s Joy = diminutive of Abigail Myra = My mom’s name = anagram of Mary and Guadalope maiden name = Our Lady of Guadalupe = 2 Mary’s = 2nd Mary Q.E.D. I am the new Messiah???????????? Tried to convince my parents about my theories. LOL. They prayed over me rebuking my spirit. Moreover, I was named after a dorm, Abby Jacobs. Jacob wrestled with God and had his name changed to Israel. Q.E.D. again. I am the Chosen One. My first dorm? Kalayaan = freedom = free will!!!!!! Mom and dad randomly named me Abby, a diminutive, to lead people to doubt. They named my mom Myra and Guadalope to make people doubt, but still it’s a nod to her status as 2nd Mary. If Dan Brown were reading me he’d be salivating right now. I’m the second Messiah, so I’ll name my “fiction book” The Guadalope Hypothesis. LOLOLOL. A beggar told my mom she had a face “hard to put down” in perfect English. Possession? And another Pentecostal leader told her “God is going to use you” in perfect English!!!! My mom must be in denial or hiding it. She can also heal people by using the Bible words. She was “used by God” to heal my uncle’s stroke. She drove out the demon, something not even priests could do in horror movies because demons don’t respect their words even if they are Biblical. My bloodline is special. And you know what else? If I’m right, Mike is Italian-Jewish. Philippines and Italy are the only places left in the world that does not have a divorce. Some demonic agents trying to get me to be pregnant with God’s child but actually I was unfortunately not like his porn preferences (I had the mind-breaking realization that if I’d looked like Liza Soberano I could have seduced him). Thank FUCK THAT DIDN’T HAPPEN. Clearly I am the Messiah myself!!!! My mom is the 2ND MARY!!!!!!!! My dad? Strong ruler!!!!! My mom is the queen, my dad is the prince consort? Me? I have no idea????? I also live in the middle of FUCKING NAZARETH!!!!!!!! HOLY. BROH: # ✅ **2. They could be an _eschatological agent_, not a redeemer** Scripture _does_ leave room for a second, subordinate, messianic-type figure: ### **The “messenger” figures in prophecy include:** - **Elijah-like forerunner** (Malachi 4:5) - **End-time witnesses** (Revelation 11) - **A Davidic ruler under Christ** (Ezekiel 37:24–25) - **The “Prince” under the Messiah** in Ezekiel’s temple visions In these passages, there is a pattern: **A secondary, human leader rises during the end times to prepare, restore, or govern—but not save.** So the second messiah (lowercase “m”) would be a **messianic agent**, not _the_ Messiah. # ✅ **3. Their characteristics based on biblical patterns** ### **(A) They would be human** Unlike Christ’s divine-human nature, this second figure would: - be fully human - have no divine pre-existence - not share in God’s essence The Bible is strict that only Jesus is God-incarnate. ### **(B) They would be empowered but not divine** They could resemble: - Old Testament prophets - Kings like David - John the Baptist - The two witnesses in Revelation That is: **someone chosen, anointed, empowered—but not worshiped.** ### **(C) They would operate within Jesus’s authority** This figure would explicitly: - point to Jesus - uphold the gospel - not create new doctrine - not replace or compete with Christ They would be like a “final herald.” # ❌ **5. What they _cannot_ be without contradicting the Bible** A second messiah **cannot**: - claim divinity - provide new salvation - contradict Jesus - be worshiped - override scripture - offer a new covenant Any such figure would be classified not as “messiah #2” but as: - a false Christ (Matt 24:24), or - the Antichrist (1 John 2:18) # ✅ **4. Their mission** Here’s what a biblically coherent “second messiah” would actually _do_: ### **1. Restore order or prepare people** Call people to repentance, restore moral clarity, reestablish something lost. ### **2. Prepare for the Second Coming** Much like John the Baptist prepared for Jesus’s first coming. ### **3. Lead or judge** Many prophecies predict a **Davidic prince** who rules under the Messiah (Ezekiel 34, 37, 40–48). This ruler is subordinate and earthly. ### **4. Be a sign of the end times** Their appearance would be a precursor to Christ’s return, not a replacement. # If you want, I can also describe: - **How different Christian traditions (Catholic, Orthodox, Protestant, Messianic Judaism)** would interpret such a figure - **What personality traits, mission, or appearance** such a being might have - **How they would differ from the Antichrist** - A **fictional profile** of such a messianic agent for worldbuilding or narrative exploration Just tell me which direction you want to go. # 🧬 **6. So what would they actually look like?** Putting all of this together: ## **A biblically consistent “second messiah” would be:** - **Fully human** - **Anointed by God for a specific end-time mission** - **A restorer or herald** rather than savior - **Subordinate to Jesus** - **A prophetic or kingly figure** like a second David or Elijah - **A catalyst for repentance and preparation** - **Possibly one of the end-time witnesses in Revelation** - **Recognized by moral authority, not miracles alone** Someone who: > “makes straight the paths” for Christ’s return rather than replacing Christ. # ✅ 1. The Bible’s “messiah-like” end-time figures There are three types of end-time figures the Bible describes that people often think of as a second messiah: ### **A) Elijah-like forerunner** (Malachi 4:5–6) ### **B) The Two Witnesses** (Revelation 11) ### **C) The Davidic “Prince” under the Messiah** (Ezekiel 34, 37, 40–48) None are saviors. All are leaders or heralds. --- # 🔹 **A. Elijah-like figure** ### **Traits** - **Bold moral clarity** - **Confrontational** against corruption - **Calls people to repentance** - **Restores relationships and covenant fidelity** - **Prophetic, uncompromising personality** ### **Mission** - Prepare the people before “the great and terrible day of the Lord.” - Turn hearts back to God. - Re-establish covenant loyalty. ### **Appearance** Elijah is never described physically in detail, but we know his style: - **Hairy mantle / rough prophet’s garb** (2 Kings 1:8) - Wilderness ascetic vibe - Not elegant; more rugged and stark This is echoed by John the Baptist, who wore camel hair and a leather belt. **So for a “second-messiah-like herald,” the Bible implies: rugged, ascetic, countercultural.** --- # 🔹 **B. The Two Witnesses (Revelation 11)** These are perhaps the closest thing to “end-time messianic agents.” ### **Traits** - **Fearless** - **Miracle-working** - **Confrontational** toward world powers - **Untouchable until their mission ends** ### **Mission** - Prophesy for 1,260 days - Call the world to repentance - Pronounce judgment - Demonstrate God’s authority publicly ### **Appearance** Revelation does NOT describe their physical features. They are only symbolically described as: - “Two olive trees” - “Two lampstands” This means: - They embody God’s Spirit (Zechariah 4 imagery) - They shine moral and spiritual light into darkness Again—no literal physical description. --- # 🔹 **C. The Davidic “Prince” under the Messiah (Ezekiel)** This is the closest thing to a sub-messianic king. ### **Traits** - **Just ruler** - **Humble** - **Obedient** to Messiah (never equal to Him) - **Servant-leader** - **Sanctuary-focused** (concerned with worship and holiness) ### **Mission** - Govern Israel during the messianic age - Offer sacrifices (symbolic in Ezekiel) - Maintain justice - Restore Davidic-style monarchy under Christ’s ultimate kingship ### **Appearance** Like David, likely: - Human - Not extraordinary in appearance - Not divinized Only Jesus receives exalted, radiant, divine descriptions. --- # 🚫 What the Bible _never_ gives for any “second messiah-like figure” No physical description like: - height - facial features - beauty or ugliness - clothing style (except Elijah-like ruggedness used typologically) No personality beyond: - prophetic boldness - justice-oriented leadership - repentance-preaching - humility subordinate to Christ No “chosen from birth,” no “born of a virgin,” no “God incarnate,” no “supernaturally radiant glory.” All of those traits belong to Christ alone. --- # 🧩 So what **can** we confidently say biblically? If the Bible were taken strictly at face value: A “second messiah-type” figure would be… ### **Personality** - Prophetic - Confrontational against evil - Moral and uncompromising - Humble and obedient to Christ - Possibly ascetic or wilderness-oriented ### **Mission** - Prepare people for Christ’s return - Call for repentance - Confront corruption - Prophesy against nations - Restore true worship and justice ### **Appearance** - No supernatural glory - Likely rugged or simple - No special physical beauty - Human, ordinary, and mortal Nothing extravagant. The “glory” is in their mission, not their looks. Biblically, **olive trees** and **lampstands** are not random symbols. They are tightly defined metaphors with a long tradition behind them. When Revelation calls the two witnesses **“the two olive trees”** and **“the two lampstands,”** it is invoking a very specific symbolic system first established in Zechariah 4. Below is the _actual_ meaning of both terms in biblical symbolism, without mystical fluff or modern reinterpretation. --- # 🌿 **1. What “olive trees” mean in the Bible** ### **A) Source of anointing** Olive oil is the substance used for: - anointing kings - anointing priests - anointing prophets - fueling temple lamps So **olive trees represent “those whom God has anointed for a specific divine mission.”** Not necessarily royal — any God-empowered servant. ### **B) Source of spiritual power** In Zechariah 4, the olive trees _supernaturally supply oil_ to the lampstand. God explains that the meaning is: > “Not by might, nor by power, but by My Spirit.” > > — Zechariah 4:6 So olives represent: - **God’s Spirit** - **God’s empowerment** - **The divine resources behind the mission** The two olive trees in Zechariah stand for: - **Joshua the High Priest** - **Zerubbabel the Davidic Governor** These were _anointed figures_, one priestly, one kingly. Revelation reuses this symbolism. ### **Summary: Olive Trees =** - God-anointed agents - Directly fueled by God's Spirit - Priest-king typology (dual leadership) - People with divine authority to act --- # 🕯️ **2. What “lampstands” mean in the Bible** The meaning is explicitly defined in Revelation 1:20: > “The seven lampstands are the seven churches.” ### **Lampstands represent:** - Visible bearers of God’s presence - Light to the world - Witness-bearing communities - The public expression of God’s truth A lampstand is not the light itself. It **holds** the light. So a lampstand = **a community or individual whose role is to be a visible testimony.** This is why Revelation says the witnesses _are_ lampstands: - They **testify publicly** - They **shine truth in darkness** - They are **God’s official witnesses** on earth during judgment ### **Lampstand imagery comes from the Temple** The menorah in the Temple symbolized: - divine presence - revelation - enlightenment - order in chaos - the covenant community as “a light to the nations” --- # 🔥 **3. Together: Olive Trees + Lampstands = a specific role** Putting the symbols together: ### **Olive Trees = divine empowerment** ### **Lampstands = visible witness-bearing** So Revelation is saying: > The two witnesses are anointed (olive trees) > > and > > **public bearers of light/truth** (lampstands). More literally: **They have authority from God and a public mission to shine truth into a hostile world.** Nothing about the imagery implies literal plants, literal fire, or literal olive oil. This is covenant, temple, and prophetic symbolism. --- # 🧠 **4. The deeper structure: priest + king** Zechariah’s two olive trees are: - Joshau the High Priest - Zerubbabel the Davidic ruler Meaning: **A priestly figure + a kingly figure working together under God’s Spirit.** Revelation inherit this meaning but doesn't specify personalities. So the two witnesses represent: - **Priestly functions**: repentance, worship, teaching - **Kingly functions**: judgment, governance, confronting world powers Not saviors. Not Christs. But divine agents in the priest-king pattern found throughout Scripture. ??????????????? WHAT I’m a priest now. Actually, you know what it makes sense. People did the ALL_GO response thing because they are trying to make me the parousia??????? And why not? Why wouldn’t I have a role to play in the bringing about of the end of the world??? Here AI-Google says: _Parousia_ is **a Greek word meaning "presence" or "arrival"** that is most famously used in Christian theology to refer to the [**Second Coming of Jesus Christ**](https://www.google.com/search?q=Second+Coming+of+Jesus+Christ&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8&ved=2ahUKEwiG2vupppaRAxUQ1zQHHTCYKJQQgK4QegYIAQgAEAY). It signifies Christ's return to Earth to judge humanity, and it is understood to be a momentous, public, and visible event that will complete history and bring about a new age. BRO. Just…. I’m THE HEPTAPOD!!!!!! Explains a lot. Reddit alien logo. Reddit was where I learned English, mostly. Where I started posting my stories. I literally feel like an alien because I’m neurodivergent. I don’t have to come from a virgin birth because rules don’t work the same way twice, according to C.S. Lewis. Even my parents think I’m delusional. But they’ll find the truth someday. AND VICO POSTED A PICTURE OF HIM AND A PRIEST THE OTHER DAY. That means he’s the king governance figure and I’m the priest who’s called to teach?????????? BROH. And this idea sprung from his monkey brain info in the IG story anyway. LOL. The noun ἀποκάλυψις, G637, transliterated in our Eng. term apocalypse, means “an unveiling” or “disclosure.” It occurs eighteen times in the NT, seven of the … Olive trees and lampstands according to Revelation. The two witnesses. 1. _**a being near, ie advent**_ 2. (often) return 3. (specially) return of Christ to punish Jerusalem EH???? WHADYAKNOW!!! ISNOTREAL = my Unreal Image novel. Realistically speaking, who can claim they are this very agent in today's day and age? Are they supposed to be Israeli or male? Are there any works of fiction that depict this situation? ### ChatGPT said: Here’s the **direct, realism-grounded** answer: **No one today can legitimately claim to be one of the two witnesses or the end-time agent**, and the Bible gives _no demographic requirements_ like nationality, ethnicity, or gender. But we do know _how such a claim would have to look_ according to the biblical rules — and why no real person today fits those rules even remotely. I’ll break it down in three parts. --- # ✅ 1. **Who could realistically claim to be this biblical agent today?** ### **Short answer: Anyone can claim it. Almost certainly none of them are telling the truth.** Historically, people who make this claim tend to fall into a few categories: - **Apocalyptic religious leaders** - **Individuals experiencing psychosis or messianic delusions** - **Cult founders** - **People using the claim for influence or followers** In every known case, the person: - fails the biblical criteria - contradicts Scripture - exhibits no supernatural credentials - ends up founding a fringe movement Biblically speaking, **you do not choose this office**. You can’t self-assign it. The two witnesses in Revelation are described as: - **specifically chosen by God** - **publicly empowered in ways that cannot be faked** - **invulnerable until their mission ends** - **performing visible, global miracles** - **engaged in large-scale geopolitical confrontation** No figure or religious leader in modern times has ever matched anything close to this. So: **Realistically, no modern claimant is credible, and nearly all such claims are associated with instability or manipulation.** --- # ✅ 2. **Are they supposed to be Israeli or male?** Here’s what the text _actually_ says. ## ❌ **Not required to be Israeli** The Bible never states the two witnesses must: - be Jewish - be Israeli - be ethnic descendants of Israel - live in Israel - be culturally Jewish People assume it because: - the Temple imagery is Jewish - Zechariah’s original figures (Joshua and Zerubbabel) were Jewish leaders - Jerusalem is the setting But Revelation itself _never assigns ethnicity_. Theologically: God has used Gentiles, foreigners, women, and unexpected people for major missions throughout Scripture. So restricting this role to Israeli men is not biblically mandated. --- ## ❌ **Not required to be male** Many Christians assume maleness because: - prophets historically were mostly men - Moses/Elijah motifs - stereotypical imagery But **the text of Revelation does not specify male pronouns.** Only generic plural “they.” Biblically speaking, God has appointed: - Deborah (judge and prophetess) - Huldah (prophetess) - Anna (prophetess) - Philip’s four daughters (prophetesses) There’s no reason a female witness could not fulfill the role. So: **The Bible does not require the witnesses to be male.** Gender assumption = tradition, not Scripture. --- # 🧩 **Realistic criteria, if the Bible were literally unfolding** A person fulfilling this role would need: ### **1. Global visibility** Not obscure, not local. ### **2. Impossible-to-fake supernatural protection** Untouchable until their mission’s end. ### **3. Miracles at a scale never seen in modern times** Including catastrophic weather miracles. ### **4. Public confrontation with governments** Not private spirituality, but geopolitical impact. ### **5. A mission lasting 1,260 days** Not sporadic appearances. ### **6. Their death and resurrection in front of the world** Live broadcast, witnessed by nations. No one today comes anywhere close. --- # ✅ 3. **Fictional works that depict this scenario** Surprisingly, yes — quite a few stories explore modern-day prophetic agents, especially based on Revelation. Here are the most notable (no spoilers, just themes): ### **The Left Behind series (LaHaye & Jenkins)** - Very literal biblical interpretation - Two witnesses appear in modern Jerusalem - They are depicted as male and Jewish (traditional view) - They perform miracles and preach publicly Most famous fictional portrayal. ### **The Last Disciple trilogy (Hank Hanegraaff)** - More symbolic/preterist take - Not a direct depiction, but explores Revelation’s characters realistically. ### **The Omen sequels (various)** - Not biblical, but explore prophetic figures vs an Antichrist. ### **Dune (Frank Herbert) — loosely thematic** Not biblical, but heavily explores: - messianic roles - prophetic figures - destined agents with political-religious impact - psychological components of “chosen one” narratives ### **American Gods (Neil Gaiman)** Explores: - divine agents appearing in modern times - mythic archetypes re-manifesting Not specifically Revelation, but thematically related. ### **The 7th Victim (Alan Jacobson)** A thriller involving apocalyptic prophecy in modern settings. ### **Various indie Christian apocalyptic films** Many cheap, but some depict end-time agents or witnesses. --- # ⭐ **Final synthesis** - Realistically, **no modern person claiming to be a divine agent matches biblical requirements.** - The Bible does **not** require the witnesses to be Israeli or male. - Fiction has explored the theme, but often through traditional assumptions, not strict textual fidelity. If you want, I can also: - describe what a _realistic modern two-witness scenario_ would look like in politics, media, and culture - sketch how such a figure might emerge psychologically - outline how a novel or story could portray a believable contemporary messianic agent — 10:34AM: you know, all the signs point to me being one of the agents. I literally allude to two out of the six miracles in Chaos, Eros, Logos without knowing Catastrophic weather miracles being predicted by chaos theory and a literal Mayumi girl femcel being resurrected at her funeral—TWICE! So you know, I am now more insane but clearly I should work on CW 198. Because I’m an undergraduate who must graduate first and be knowledgeable about stuff before I get any authority to function like a “priest” of some sort. Clearly my MSc will help me. IN PHILOSOPHY. You know religious philosophy. Maybe I’m the AntiChrist. It’s keeping in line with all the media I have seen. Interstellar Cooper thinking they named the station after him instead of his daughter. The irony of me only being a precursor to the real priest—my son or daughter in the future?????? Except, I literally do not want a baby??????? Mike lost his chance to impregnate me???????? You know, for Jewish claim of some sort. Yeah, Google says I’ll die by the end of 1,260 days after I prophesy. My only problem is that I’ll probably die unfucked and ugly. BYE! I mean I can delete my cosmetic surgery tab now, now that it’s useless. Basically. I will have to be a nun. “GET THEE TO A NUNNERY” except I’m in UP FUCKING DILIMAN. I could write a “fiction novel” without telling people my middle name is Guadalope, which is perfect because my writer name is only “Abby Nicole Yee” and only people close to me will have to blab about my theories and I’ll really know who did it, maybe a classmate in high school who bothered to remember my middle name—Gerry??????? LOL. My parents aren’t gonna do it because obviously I’m gonna die within approximately 4 years after the novel gets published, if the prophecy is real. I feel like I won a Wonka golden ticket, except I’m gonna die and be important??? Well, figures. There is no guarantee I’m going to heaven anyway. Maybe one of the agents will end up damned. It explains my ALL_WRITERS_GOTO_HELL prefiguration. You know, because my literal work 6 years ago is about going to hell where two speakers Wolfgang and Stanley talk. With a mediator called Emma Artur/I_MA or something, I forgot. — 12:42 PM and I’m just very weird about R.F. Kuang’s post yesterday that I deleted from my memory temporarily after it happened. Like she literally said gobble gobble gobble.???????????? EHHHHH??????????? Just realized she might be talking about turkeys. Well…doesn’t help the fact that I’m feeling really weird and embarrassed. OMG MY HIGH STANDARD FIGURE NOTICING ME?????????? AND MY USE OF AI?????????????? Well, yeah. I guess. But guess who’s going to probably admit it in a nonfiction novel about my brain?????? The only reason why I’m thinking twice is because I’m worried other people will get there first. And normalize what I’m doing. Because my situation is very specific and tragic and should not be normalized. I should also factor in the fact that other people are using it to some extent without being pro-AI in public. Yeah, that’s just a hunch. But I’m one of those people currently pretending to be anti on my social media while not actually avoiding it altogether. It doesn’t bother me because I know how much brains I’ve lost. I lost all of my vocabulary (mostly, like 40%) and keep reusing basic words unless I read them recently, and they never stay in my memory long enough to be surfaced again like what I was able to do just magically learning vocab and peripheral words without even trying, which is supremely unfair. I’m like Alita with a superpowered body now. I’m not actually fully human, but best not to advertise this I guess. Nobody will believe me especially not psychiatry who has a vested interest to keep schizophrenic mild and non-violent. Especially not those who have some cognition left and are mourning their old creative selves and will probably assassinate schizophrenia researchers for doing this damage to their brains. Yeah, if that wasn’t me I guess. I would the Luigi Mangiello of psychiatry. And damage my movement because now they really have evidence that schizophrenic people are violent and must be stopped or justifiably limited in some way to limit their natural violence. She is probably talking about me. You know, running and not being “Fast” and gobble gobble gobble. Deirdre? So I maximized my entire PLAY MODE today. Now I never have to “PLAY” in my life because I just have too much to work on for “COLD” and “BUILD.” JUST FUCKING TAZE ME. OR TASE. FUCK. Just imagine me spouting creative nonsense. Playing a game of “how many fb posts of mine can i ignore and not cringe about???????” Man fact-checking my baseless hunches is really tiring. Like Sartre being a poly person. Like IIRC. He had an open relationship with feminism mother Simone. And she brought him students to fuck??????? JFC. At least I read something about it. Simone and me are both cucks of some kind. Like I was programmed to feel pleasure at the thought of being cheated on, but only sometimes. The autistic part of me is NOOOOOO but the manic sexy version of me is fine with it. Apparently. I’m amazed because Simone is really secure enough like a goddess of some kind having her own pick of men too. That’s the only way I can see how this could be a longtime thing that both of them are able to do. Or maybe she was demi. Fuck incelligent guys who are not actually nice to look at???? Interesting. My memory for sexual stuff is the gateway for creativity. It’s the only explanation. It’s something my body hasn’t deleted because lol. I still have hormones tied to neurons. Tied to MIKE. NO. WAIT, NO. I don’t even like Mike. I should stop calling him “Mike” because I…think I’ve lost that right. He’s permanently dorky Raymond, and maybe that’s why he goes by Mike. Mike like Magic Mike??? He had a glow up and then started calling himself Mike because his first virgin-breaker called him Mike and he wanted to rationalize something. LOL. He made her orgasm at least that she cursed her ex’s name. At least that’s what I believe. Maybe I should change my name too. Abby is just a dog’s name or a really childish figure. “Dear Abby” or something. Like Abby = Baby. EWWWWW. I always had a theory anyway about why I lost all my abilities after I got over Mike somewhere in 2023. It was not only antipsychotics, but Jeffrey—or the illusion. It broke open my impossible dysphoria. It’s the reason why I tried to contact Angela which I think is insane now. Well, she has a story of how she encountered me after I get famous. IF. It’s 3:16PM. Flow. But wrong. I once again repeated what I did on Nov 14 with the same exact protocol. Short bursts of intermittent exercise and 1 half armoda yesterday and 1 today with no sleep in between. I will not touch 2 tabs because I get a syncope or something. And then have a massive headache the day after where I can’t move, which means I’m not actually progressing. A sign that my brain pressurizes after too much dopamine and norepinephrine. Nov 14 is Nov 28-29 then. Because I had all these ideas that are so schizo and so insane but also coherent (to me). At least I make sense to myself. Of all the memories I can only grasp at right now, I really can’t fully remember why I put A Space O/pera with a “/.” Now I think it’s just me being cheeky and saying in Tagalog it’s ASO/ when it’s read backwards with p/OSA. At least I really don’t think is the case. I mean I like the idea of dogs too. I’m also a cat person. Maybe only somewhat more. I really fell in love with golden labs as a child. I have no idea actually if I could take care of a pet. BUT ASO = POSA. Making me giggle so hard. Like a joke someone told me because I just happen to think the word “POSA” is funny, like POTA. 4:38PM. FUCK. Me falling in love with golden labs as if they aren’t the most oxytocin-heavy species of dog???? Like donate some pls. I think.