### **Morning Pages** It’s been 4 hours of just vibing to music. WHTF. STOP! Shortest armoda high ever. I felt sleepy at 10:30AM ish. I drank another one 11:05AM. It’s only half tab. Maybe that’s why. Or maybe this is why it’s cheaper. The manufacturer knew it was off or maybe a less potent version. At least it tastes the same bitter bleh. Your inability to do HIIT now for an extended amount of time is a purely mental thing. You were able to do it in 2024. See: Spotify playlist. And you were able to long exercise in October. What’s stopping you now is seemingly laziness of some mutated kind. It’s something like a tiredness too. Don’t know if it’s your recent NADH actually not helping your energy, the thing you bought it for. WTF! 12:00PM ish: BOY IT IS HAPPENING AGAIN. AN OUTPOURING OF NEW IDEAS AND LITTLE TWEAKS TO BEEF UP MY UNREAL IMAGE NOVEL. WOWZA. IDEAS THAT ARE ACTUALLY BRILLIANT!!!! MORE IDEAS. BRILLIANT!!!! 3:47PM. Just remembered my mom’s experience of having to be exposed to a “demon-possessed” child who was scared of Biblical verses or something. I think it’s because the Bible is the best-selling word or source or megatext that it’s acquired some kind of magical power or weight in the spiritual realm. Like so many people have heard of it, so many people roil in it, so many people make it real. Demons have no choice but to follow suit. Or maybe they were first. I’ve been awake for at least 22 hours by now. It’s 3:48PM and I’m kind of tired. So in the midst of doing low effort tasks in a blitz I ended up with a better (if not, insane???) plot for Chaos. WOWZA. And I discovered some inspos for Unreal Image, specifically Heptapod language, and the vacuum cat language attempts at swearing, and that Under the Skin movie that I didn’t understand when I first saw it when I was younger. I can’t believe I’m actually writing Heptapod fanfiction now. I never noticed it. Just reread Sydney’s story earlier about the multiverse. Well, if she says I stole her story, I maybe borrowed the killing other alternate versions, but that’s the only thing I copied. It’s not exactly copied though. They have different motives. And it’s a TV trope according to TV Tropes website. And Multiverse of Madness did it “first,” so there. Writing goals as if they’re in past tense makes it so that the brain finds it easier to reach apparently because now they’re treated as memories. Okay then. I finished my novel in December, and I finished my screenplay outline before December 1, and I drafted the screenplay in the nick of time before December 31. And also I finished my academic responsibilities like CW 198 field work and critical reflection and also my critical essay for CW 200 and now headed to graduate and also looking forward to Jan 15. I did all of those things because I’m a finisher, as in I finish FINISH FINISH!!!! NOW I HAVE TWO EVENTS BACKING ME UP. Women’s wrongs paper done eerily faster than normal, and Unreal Image synopsis and outline done in the nick of fucking time. I should be acting like I have a deadline tomorrow. Because I do. I should be mildly pressured. I should set my own deadlines. I just can’t let adrenaline do that to me. For all I know I’m being sloppy like with the fudging of Sam and Kyle. Just swimming in Billie Eilish “you should see me in a crown” for hype purposes. HYPEEEEEEE. Unfortunately no one is really hyping me up. I get that I have my family doing it and some strangers from poetry contest but currently no one has seen my Unreal Image attempts and really given me feedback that I’m going somewhere great. I need to know if my ideas are strong. I just feel a bit insecure because for all I know it’s just subjectively good when in fact it’s too try-hard. Hope not. I really hope not. I had hoped cloaking it in YA relatable language would mask some of its ambitions. Like I want it to be underrated more. Like it should grow on people instead of being a knockout. But that’s also a very welcome result. That is, people thinking it’s brilliant. I really hope it’s funny too. And fun. I had a real fucking scary experience when I went to Balingasag. As in, I just remembered this scary entity whispering loudly, “werewolf werewolf werewolf” to me. And now it faintly reminds me of betlog betlog betlog and sako sako sako. What about wolves exactly? Moons? I was so confused that they said it to me like I realized it should mean something important. It was a harbinger of something real. In my future. So strange. But it’s so fucking funny and weird it turns out. Because lobo is balloon. And Jeffrey, well, he’s Jeff Koons. Like the balloon dog guy. And werewolf translates as “asong lobo” which is literally “balloon dog.” No idea why it’s so funny and meaningful. It just is. Balloon dog. It’s the most expensive work sold by a living artist. So it’s money now? I’m not superstitious. I’m just mildly excited and very scared. Although I’m also worried. Like what if it’s a monkey’s paw? I’m not trying to be the richest author ever. Just relatively financially stable with a little extra for niceties and all. I hope I can afford some cosmetic work. But balloon dog though, million dollar art?? And it’s in my deceased grandparents’ room. So what gives? Will I be rich? Will I jinx something by claiming it? Hmmm. It’s either riches, Jeffrey himself, or this is a huge trap. These two things are currently the top two things I really want in life so far. So it’s a really convoluted way to refer to my future actions aligning with my desire. It’s like they knew I would circle back to betlog betlog betlog. But how would they have known though? Unless they were planning to nudge me here. They had an ear worm ready. No idea where. It just “randomly” occurred to me. My 84th song on Unreal Image playlist is a real brainteaser. It’s got werewolf Jacob on the album art and the outro is really relevant to my novel as in it’s really poignant, so I did the ballsy thing and contacted the band Sleeping At Last, which is another coincidence because I was almost sleeping when the werewolf thing happened on Nov 1. Hoping they reply, and hopefully it will be cheaper than I think it is. Hopefully I can afford it. Please. Another coincidence is “breaking dawn” as in breaking the dawn of the New Year. WOW. It’s on the album cover. Write LBDNSleep before December 5 ends. Magnetic field produced by heart is 100 times stronger than what brain produces. WOW.