### **Morning Pages** 4:26AM: Done planning out my tasks for today. I will turn in, but not before saying this: you have to do your absolute best to finish research proposal today. I will be counting on you to do that because you have 3 days to draft an outline and first chapter for Anatomy. OMFL thank God I was browsing Strange Horizons at this exact hour trying to see if poetry is still being accepted for December. I got Aaron Rabinowitz’s Embrace the Void recommendation in the people to follow and he’s apparently a philosopher and really interested in luck!!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!!!! Just in time for Anatomy and Chaos. WOW! Talk about LUCKY!!! 5:42 AM: I did not turn in, but instead, I made some dastardly brilliant edits and tweaks to my Mirrored draft. WAW THERE. Maybe it’s my new NADH supplement. Maybe it’s me being a brilliant motherfucker!!! TWO EXTREMELY SEROTOGENIC EVENTS!!! PLEASE CARRY THIS THROUGH THE MORNING AND BEYOND!!!! So basically I have 5 big main tasks to complete before this year ends: 1. My CW 200 thesis - [ ] (critical component + - [ ] Mirrored novella) 2. MY CW 198 coursework - [ ] (field work + critical reflection - [ ] prangkahan short story) 3. Clarion West Anatomy - [ ] 1st chapter, - [ ] synopsis, - [ ] and outline 4. Chaos, Eros, Logos - [ ] (study luck + - [ ] metaphysics + - [ ] incorporate Michael’s critique) 5. Mirrored with Prof. Kwe’s and Michael’s help - [ ] Rewrite knowing what you know by then …which adds up to 11 separate subtasks. This is for my work next year (Clarion guidance with Anatomy), finishing my schoolwork for undergrad (200 and 198), and hopefully getting published in Strange Horizons (Chaos), and Clarkesworld/Uncanny (Mirrored) They are all related to writing. Whatever will help me write faster will be key. — 1:57PM: My Clarkesworld story Human Studies 401 is now Under Review!!!! — There’s so much to admire in Vico. He’s working round the clock monitoring Uwan with rescuers and scientists. If every government official cared like him, who knows where we would be? — Spent early afternoon on looking for philosophers and editors to level up my work. — Looking forward to December angpao. I have 93 major calendar tasks to take care of in December. So many opportunities. Hopefully, hopefully. Come on, don’t you want to have that “**Clarion West NWW ‘26 Worldbuilder Scholar” or “Clarion West NWW ‘26 Octavia E. Butler Scholar”? GET ON IT.** 8:19PM: Itching to write an outline and a 1000-word synopsis. 8:36PM done figuring out broad details and ending of Mirrored!!!!! I AM ON FIRE TODAY. THANK YOU UNIVERSE!!! THANK YOU GOD!!!!! Such a throwback to my past brainstorms. All coming together so nicely today. I will forever be indebted to NADH. I think. Recalled the word “lassitude” without any help at all. Kind of proud. !!!! - [ ] Pay thru Instapay Atome bill Why I think heaven and hell are real: after I think I wrote about liminal paradise with both Audrey and Mike kissing my head forgiving me, and which I told no one, then a really weird dream happened a few years later where my child molester maid did that thing too to me as I was laying in my real bed. Surreal and kind of gave me the clue that she was desperate to have me forgive her. Because she used my language. She was likely suffering or something in hell or some other. Then I had another dream where she was watching me as I slept, with a child beside her. I don’t know if they were just dreams. Nothing scares me anymore that I’m not surprised or shocked it happened. I also don’t know how my brain could come up with it by itself. Mood significantly lifted today when I realized through upsetting news, some very good news. I was charged by Evernote for 3,000 and I discovered that I had money in my PayPal from Garden Party Collective, and that the money I had in my GCash amounting to 2,500 or so was actually from my 7k from my birthday that I hadn’t spent yet. And Evernote refunded me almost immediately it was such a hit of sweet relief. From submitting the form online to not even 5 minutes later getting approved. So now I have 6,000+ in total. I’m not sure yet what to buy. I want to use it to pay off my debt anyway, so I’m relieved that the weight that’s been bugging me since morning got edged off my chest. Relayed to my parents at dinner about New York Times bestselling dream and talked about Thea Guanzon. I think I’ll miss this when they’re gone. Them just being there encouraging and validating me. I’m moderately happy in the moment, but I think I won’t truly realize the value of them until I can no longer talk to them. I will feel really nostalgic. And weepy. I just know it. Well, future me, I don’t know how to help you yet. Just know that you had it all and that’s enough that you had the boon of having your parents love you and care for you and tolerating your delays and craziness. Maybe I need to give up on dream of MSc. Until at least I get my hands on Dihexa. I don’t see how a philosophy degree is going to help me at all. It’s just going to make me hate it because I’m required to submit schoolwork. I notice that there’s not a lot of philosophers, practically nil except for black women specifically in Nigeria, on Fiverr. Weird. I will not be employable anyhow after I get an MSc. My motive is just to really avenge my undergraduate failures. I want an MSc because I want to have First Class Honors or something, maybe even summa cum laude. It’s such a childish ambition. It will likely give me some authority if people are interested in my background at all if I get published continuously. It’ll be an icebreaker topic too. ### **REMINDERS:** 1. DO NOT FORGET 3 caps MAGNESIUM BEFORE SLEEP