## THOUGHTS ? AXIOMS ? INTENTIONS One thing I’ve realized about myself. I spend a lot of time fantasizing about my dreams and goals, but once I attain a sliver of it, like say, Jeffrey sexting me “fucking you until the sun rises” and getting Emmily’s message, I feel overloaded, like I’m overstimulated and there’s this cloud of, not necessarily emotional numbness, but a hazy post-euphoria that feels sort of like, I don’t know how to describe it, it’s like a wall just came down on me and I’m paralyzed to do anything but have no thoughts at all, like all I feel is the emotion. It’s not exactly unpleasant, but it slows me down. I become useless for a few hours or days processing what just happened. Yesterday was so weird, it’s like the stars aligned and while I got two rejections from lit magazines, I got preselected for HOTW travel writing job, got contacted by my favorite author, and I got a schedule for an interview for EduQuest job. I don’t even care about the money, but I want to live in that minute rush of sunrise as it breaks. 2:57PM, and I just applied for Tin House Winter Online Workshop on a lark. I hope that 2,000 will be worth it. November 21 - results. My brain is not braining today. Learn to see expectations, surface reaction, observe, speculate, contrast, expand, suggest, connect I - it knows the secrets Justine doesn’t even verbalize Q - quick-witted S - sperm and egg theory - drives that don’t necessarily take stock of consequences Math and language - capturing or not capturing reality I have a sneaking suspicion I have an Omega-3 deficiency. When you’re more concerned about the sentences, you stop thinking of meaning.