### **Morning Pages** SLOW PROGRESS IS STILL PROGRESS. Got the idea to ask Prof. Quina for a recommendation letter for my master’s. Why not? My story from his class got published in fucking Clarkesworld, and if my Seasons of Mourning story wins a Palanca, which is also from his class in CW 110, he’d be heartened to think his methods are working. Just moderately sad that I never performed this well in my other creative writing classes starting 2018. I can feel the AI all around me, what will the world look like in 2026? I have so little time to establish myself, and I’m already starting at a distinct disadvantage. How will I do this without driving myself insane? Dreamt of a mango bed—or was it some bizarre puzzle-forming contraption that I had to align and then it actually did. Got a faint feeling that Alizeiah was there. And I was at Shekinah again, wearing a uniform that was on backwards and that I had to hook properly. Maphile was there beside me and I followed her near the technical booth. And then I remembered screaming at a bunch of students two years above me, Princess Taleon or something, to get out of our seats with Jansport bags on them. And then I remember feeling so guilty and ruminating about how it didn’t really happen or maybe it was just a dream (lol? within a dream). I wish I dreamt more about other people from UP. If only because it might signal I’m using more recent circuits. I just noticed I’m dreaming of people from Shekinah and OCGS, but not people like Mike, Audrey, or any of the landscapes from UP even though it’s arguably more formative and more traumatic for me. Maybe that’s why, because my brain is deliberately avoiding that store of memories. Today 8:17PM - [ ] KM Reynaldo method - [ ] Find framework and sources So I started up my Google Docs Mood Tracker again. Felt absolutely ashamed that back then I was able to write and finish papers and finished freelance jobs. Far cry from today. Where did my 2025 go? 2022 was so productive and I need to match that energy again in 2026 hopefully. And I noticed I always knew how much time I slept. I always woke up late. I had these depressive episodes and at the same time the energy to go do these things like IONS experiment and watching TV series. I even exercised 40m+. The longer you go far away from 2023 the better. You are on track towards steady progress without the spiraling that seemed to be caused by 2019 and stalking them. Well, here’s to regularly using my planners and trackers forever. I commit to not burning out and disappearing. It is so devastating to see me trying in fits and spurts, never really forming a long-term habit, noticing how I kept coming back, then faded again, then appeared again and not knowing why. All these years pockmarked by illness. All my time never adding up to anything substantial. I am so thankful I’m starting again though. Getting smacked in the face by my trackers—even the lucky chance that I’d remembered to review them again—is a blessing in disguise. I’m really thankful I got the ball rolling in 2024 with my Clarkesworld story. Even though what happened immediately after that was even more Bluesky sputtering and mania. I’m still getting fasciculations. I guess I have to accept that they’re here to stay. They haven’t disappeared since January.