Truly, what will separate you from your idea self is the willingness to pursue your goal despite resistance. All of your tiny frictions, memory failures, fatigue, procrastination, anxiety, fear, will all add up to a life of languishing if you do not constantly put healthy pressure on yourself. Believe you will progress in a year’s time. Seems reasonable a timeframe. All your effort has got to add up to something. You’ll see. Work towards a competence that is largely neutral and not effortful. Just like what you used to do. Your unconscious is powerful. You are more capable than you think. You don’t get it. You are underperforming for a good reason. You do not use things to their full extent. You do not optimize nearly enough. Your iPad, for example. Other people with iPads customize their experience and decorate and keep journals and get organized. Your sister’s room looks like an Airbnb. Yours looks like a functional workman-like room, because obviously you don’t prioritize aesthetics. You are more functional that way. Whatever beauty you derive and get satisfaction from, it is not borne out of looks, except when it’s physical attractiveness and it involves your wound. Things do not have their thingness, that which makes them appealing. You find joy in experimentation, that’s why you’re comfortable with messiness. That, or you just don’t have the brain chemicals to allot to seemingly frivolous things. And your trauma makes you focus on your ego in a way that is maladaptive to this society’s configuration. Caring about how you look and doing something about it—like your sister who has natural advantages whether in physical looks or natural chemicals—is different than just being traumatized and being paralyzed. Memory stuff: remembered panda express stories trojan horse with slight prompt, forgot “C” in SUCCEs mnemonic. your bottleneck is really your memory—do something about it! write bivergent memory! monetize your weakness, struggle, and comeback era! non-fiction books about how to write. ## Intentions: 1. Only use TikTok to canvass for ideas about how to start your author brand—two hours x 2 times per week. Friday and Saturday—to preserve brain health—avoid atrophy, dopamine superstimulus, patience, memory, persistence, brain fog, prospective memory 2. Read Memory Craft 3. Get to a place where you can have certainty, a kind of stored knowledge base that you can rely on when you feel like you have to contribute knowledge or perspective. 4. Watch Fair Play after exercising for 30m and emailing and checking classes. Things that make me happy 1. Having my judgment be validated. 2. Figuring out mysteries and treasure hunts 3. Experimentation with concepts, putting things together, making unusual connections that are unique and valued. Reasons to exercise every day 1. Battle anhedonia—you’ve never known yourself unburdened by this 2. Brain recovery 3. Increase chances of being lucky with serendipity connections 4. The idea of a brain electromagnetic collective consciousness = quantum psychology Non-negotiable—exercise twice a day **HOMETRUTHS (might possibly make this a regular thing to cement axiomatic things):** EVERYONE is in denial about something. Carefully choose the lies you are willing to accept. DO NOT EVER. I repeat. EVER appeal to people’s good side. Think in terms of their interests. Writing ideas: Develop a villain PLEASE LET ME GET THE CONTENT SPECIALIST JOB IN FILM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! — I forgot to mention I edited my about page on Wordpress to death.