I think August went by in a blur. I don’t even want to bother with X/XX Recap and Monthly reviews. It all feels blah. I have no memory anyway. Perhaps this brain fog is a result of my semi-manic episode yesterday. Felt so “high” and “on point.” Now my mind is just… tired and stretched out. I can’t even concentrate straight. It’s 12:06AM by the way. Maybe that’s one of the reasons why. And my August journals are empty mostly. I don’t remember why I stopped writing. I think I switched to offline. But I can’t be too sure. I don’t even remember what happened last month. In my opinion, a lot of books today get published because they just got really lucky in finding someone to represent them with the same vision and taste. I don’t know why it’s been so hard for me before to get my foot in the door. Not talking about 2019 disaster. I am talking about publishing magazines and all. I got into [[Philippines Graphic]] but that’s just 1 magazine. I wasted all this time. I’m 24 and I’m still just going through the motions with this disorder heaped on me by my own brain’s natural instinct to go after goals and people it craves. I just wish my faith would help me more. I feel like [[God]] is healing me, and by my writing in here it’s like of course, He’s directly looking over my shoulder and I’m backbiting (lol) or gossiping about Him to His face. I just feel on top of the world when I’m manic or semi-manic and then today I feel so blah. One reason’s probably because I have ceased accountability measures meant to keep me grounded on some regularity. I need to exercise more daily, read consistently, produce work (well, I tried), and read my Bible and all of the things that are supposed to be healthy. So my dad just went in my room and attempted to get me to drink my [[Amiabel]] meds. I refused. I don’t want to be saddled with anti-manic drugs anymore. I want to be able to deal with this disorder without it because I think I have better routines and software that can help me now. I really think I can do it, and I’m being optimistic. I don’t want to ruin my memory any more than it has been already by years of taking these predatory meds that eat my brain cells away. I think. I don’t know, I feel like I was always dripping with stories in my head way back, but now I’m not the type anymore. I felt so free before. Now I have a developing morality and more options to really choose the kinds of stories that may glorify God and display His glory. I guess I’ve improved in a lot of ways so I can’t completely blame the meds because maybe I would have been worse off if I didn’t drink them. I feel like I am always losing something and I don’t know what it is. I am paranoid that I may not live to see the future because idiots don’t believe in climate change. # Intentions 1. Get more exercise = BDNF memory rebuilt and rebuilding = myelin strengthening 2. Priority is brain health and body CNS to be able to function excellently. = you are on a mission to be a psychonaut superstar!!!! 3. I am going to hopefully work more so I can actually be of use to people. This is how I can show love in the circumstances that I am in. On one hand, I am loving my family through doing work at home and keeping my academics good. I hope to graduate next year and I really hope I don’t lag behind the schedule. 4. You cannot multi-task. All of your todo lists, you should know this by now, will not be done. One thing at a time. Per day. Have a set priority to go about your goals. Have long-term plans. This is why you have a monthly calendar. # Happenings So I did a lot of stuff relatively before classes start tomorrow. It’s all on logseq. I hope I keep this up. I even exercised for 30m today. Felt good. # Grateful for 1. Happy music that instantly boosts my mood. # Action items 1. Get consistent with workout routine --- - you should do: - your previous todos - your dailies - keep them short if you want breadth; if not go depth --- - DONE days away from meds #habit-tracker - DONE long exercise for purpose: dopamine and bdnf #habit-tracker - DONE meditation for purpose: train attention and all #habit-tracker - DONE [[September 6th, 2022]] download all the books and organize them accordingly - DONE enroll - what happened today: - [[set]] up these sweet [[Plugin]] to finally keep my [[Routine]] - [[Trackers]] - [[logseq-trackhabits2-plugin]] - i actually exercised for 30m so yay - i like the feeling of exercising only after. please remember you feel better after exercise than if you were artificially taking a eugeroic drug. please don't forget to keep this up because routines are essential to being an adult. - i started shortform with a cancel deadline on [[September 10, 2022]] - preoccupied with thoughts of doom. climate change. - email filtered a bunch of emails - TODO buy mac and cheese [[3 - My Collected Diaries, 2008-2026/2022/8 September/September 6, 2022]] - Sources for new thesis: - Ecologies of Grace - The Guardian article about preppers - book by author of article - postmillenialism - Don't Look Up - Interstellar - actionable gamification - TODO write on substack #habit-tracker - #card#Dailies What should you do to avoid multi-tasking - Try to trust in the right things by discernment. Use your God-given nose to sniff out the best course of action. Do not try to be a jack of all trades. Use your time sparingly to go off tangents. You have to be the best at focusing now. Because that will be your greatest downfall. Multiplicity of options is going to make you lag. - #card#Dailies What should you do to avoid rookie mistakes? - Listen to older people and their mistakes and what they'd have done over again if they had the chance.