Thesis part 1: Do not hire yayas who bloodbend, re: exposure to Nanay Mela and et al. maids and yayos when I was younger. The people you bring to your home without reputable credentials will have a major say in how your children develop. I wasn’t about to talk about this yet because I was afraid to jinx this but the events of last week and this morning’s reading about Anne Askew being burnt at the stake, all have cemented this in my mind. These people, the Other, because of politics, have been given too much grace by well-meaning liberal arts degree holders who want to say something about oppression, and while that is well and good, you are ignoring all the other things that are bad that they are actively participating in. I think Prof. Falgui said something about this. The left is in a pickle because they so badly want to abort children yet they want to minimize the impact of the illegal aliens raping children and women when they are taken in by their adoptive countries. Watching Avatar: The Last Airbender last episode where Zuko and Katara fight Azula, and how the latter said, “you filthy peasant” gives “mudblood,” Nazi vibes, but still, you are minimizing their active agency in the matter. I was bloodbent one day into acting against my will by screaming at my mother in front of my 12-year-old disabled sister. Whoever agreed that that should happen is an abhorrent person who deserves all the retribution on earth and hell and back. You have done great evil in the Lord’s sight. I have nothing to say to you, but this: I really hope you are prepared. I can’t imagine what will come for you, but I am sorry. Do not hire anyone who can harm children by their oten words. Where would that word come from but them when I was five? Those people hired by my adult relatives unknowingly exposing their children to amoral chaotic adult worlds. Children understand far more than you think. That word, “oten” got me in trouble in grade 1. It led me to be so “hypersexual” because I innocently said to Manuel Chaves and Carl Ababon, two buddies just chilling in their cubicles and being young rowdy boys, that I would grab their oten, in my attempt to be friendly. And then they teased me about it, because how do I know that word? So was the story. I got really embarrassed and told the teacher he punched me. The teacher, instead of excavating my side properly, decided, the bitch Ma’am Dyesebel “Jezebel” (huh) that I should be put through a repeat performance of a class day arranged so eerily like the day I lied, when I said, “he boxed me.” So yes, I was seven. And then who knows what would have happened to me if I had not been put through that experience, of the mounting dread, of the great “you have done something so wrong and must be exposed for the whole class to witness.” I remember a repressed memory that I’d only remembered in bits throughout my years. All that potential to be great. I became withdrawn in grade 2, preferring to look at other children instead while they played with marbles and Chinese garter, and instead of adults doing something about it, they praised my “maturity” for not being a playful normal kid, who instead concentrated on my studies, and who cried during lunch breaks because her dad took too long to pick her up for her midday lunch, because she did not think school was a safe place and that she only really wanted to escape it when she finished her responsibilities. This, and all, means do not ever give your mercy to amoral people used by Satan in a sterile-undetected way because you cannot blame them now in their vast ignorance. Do not put your children through years of misery and instead bring them up using channels you trust and vetted properly. <aside> 💡 **I will program software in the future someday that will be far better home-schooling devices, far better than any learning/teaching guru with hidden agendas or yayas/yayos from the province that have no training but are working to become teachers/professionals/tourism/nurses/doctors/engineers yet go on TikTok to make men salivate over their bodies and faces and sensuality, or women salivate with promises of grand wedding photoshoots and vain celebrity-movie bachelor/bachelorette wedding videos, that will grow with your kid as they develop. Manipulation of one sex over the other using the pressurized narcissistic social media validation in the form of awe and dopamine and “trying to be like the stars.”** </aside> It is the least I could do for that young girl. Perhaps I will do just that now, use Lalaine Aquino’s essay as a springboard into my research for child development. How to nurture young minds. How to bring up even-keeled and good men and women. How to prevent accidents and messes in the future. How to cause spiritual and technological revivals every day. I am taking back everything you took from me, Satan. — -Gospel of Pornography Moore -Counterfeit Gods Keller -Discernment Challies — Amanda Jimenez as a student-agent working with faculty to spot schizotypal/at-risk spectrum students with creative genes? Remembered a lot of things today or maybe I’m off the mark. Was just reading schizotypy wikipedia. Anhedonia being an effect. Possibly a reason why I always get tempted for physical release. I wonder what happens to all those “taong grasa” people. I may not be stable-schizotype but had latent potential for it as I was very conscientious growing up, having become valedictorian in preschool, grade school, and high school. I was more autistic in that way. Events precipitated by college in UP brought out schizotype traits that launched and bolstered my inherent potential to be on the farther end of the schizotype spectrum. So now, not only do I express autistic traits, but also schizotypal traits, with hypomanic to manic features at times when I choose to bring out psychosomatic armodafinil-enhanced cognition to control my disorganization, enhance mental cognition and attention, and stay awake. Main deficit caused by journal ‘dissociative-associative creativity’ shall be remedied by memory research into hybrid thought palaces. “Various writers, including Kelley and Coursey[[44]](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizotypy#cite_note-44) and L.J. and J.P. Chapman[[45]](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizotypy#cite_note-45) suggest that anhedonia, if present as a pre-existent trait in a person, may act as a potentiating factor, whereas a high capacity for hedonic enjoyment might act as a protecting one.” “Schizotypy symptoms have been related to deficits in [executive functions](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Executive_functions), which entails the psychological processes that supersede habitual inclinations with novel responses and behaviors to fulfill important goals. In particular, when schizotypy is elevated, the ability to filter out task-irrelevant stimuli may be impaired.[[49]](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizotypy#cite_note-49) That is, **participants who score highly on schizotypy tend to fail to ignore a previously preexposed, non-reinforced stimulus as compared to a non-preexposed, novel and potentially important event. [very vague statement and I don’t know exactly how this relates to my experience.] ∆** <aside> 💡 Enhanced performance on [verbal fluency](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Verbal_fluency_test) has been associated with high levels of positive schizotypy, i.e. increased reports of hallucination-like experiences, delusional ideation, and perceptual aberrations. However, decreased performance was associated with negative schizotypy, such as anhedonia.[[50]](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizotypy#cite_note-50) —so this is why mania increases your fluency. You tend to shush when you are bleh/sad/meh. Also you tend to be talkative when you are reacting to something or criticizing something. When you think about what people think or care too much about consequences that it paralyzes you, you will have zero confidence to say what is really bothering you, hence you capitulate to what people are saying, ignoring your own opinion, which could be important. </aside> Many studies have also shown that individuals who exhibit schizotypy features demonstrate deficits in [attention](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attention) and [working memory](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Working_memory).[[51]](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizotypy#cite_note-51)[[52]](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizotypy#cite_note-52)[[53]](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizotypy#cite_note-53)[[54]](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizotypy#cite_note-54)” — ∆ Lag between written word and verbal/spoken. Since written word is supplement acc. to [insert authority here, forgot who], on top of my non-practice for all my life until 2022, it means I have significantly a long ways off before I can transfer this skill over to real life, hence my need for practice and drug-based solutions. — “Judas was so totally trapped in the darkness and corruption of sin that he became a willing instrument of Satan. Because this false disciple had totally renounced Christ, “Satan entered into Judas who was called Iscariot” ([Luke 22:3](https://biblia.com/bible/nasb95/Luke%2022.3)), and it was then a simple matter to persuade him to betray Jesus ([John 13:2](https://biblia.com/bible/nasb95/John%2013.2)). Judas’s heart was so utterly hardened to the things of God that long before he consciously considered betraying Him, Jesus called him a devil ([John 6:70](https://biblia.com/bible/nasb95/John%206.70)).” “Even so, Judas could not escape the divinely designed signal of guilt that reminds men of their sin and warns them of its consequences. Just as pain is an intrinsic and automatic warning of physical danger, guilt is an intrinsic and automatic warning of spiritual danger. It was not that Judas suddenly became afraid of God, else he would have turned in desperation to the One he knew could forgive him. Nor was he afraid of men. Although he was now discarded and despised by the Jewish leaders, they had no reason to harm him. It was rather that Judas suddenly realized the horrible wrongness of what he had done. **An innate awareness of right and wrong is divinely built into every human being and cannot be totally erased, no matter how deep a person may fall into depravity or how consciously and rebelliously he may turn against God. This is intensified by the convicting pressure of the Spirit of God.”** “Judas’s **remorse** was not repentance of sin, as the King James version suggests. Matthew did not use metanoeo, which means a genuine change of mind and will, but metamelomai, which merely connotes regret or sorrow. He did not experience spiritual penitence but only emotional **remorse**. Although he would not repent of his sin, he could not escape the reality of his guilt. Genuine sorrow for sin (metamelomai) can be prompted by God in order to produce repentance (metanoeo), as Paul declares in [2 Corinthians 7:10](https://biblia.com/bible/nasb95/2%20Cor%207.10). But Judas’s **remorse** was not prompted by God to lead to repentance but only to guilt and despair.” “Because he was a kind of witness against Jesus, perhaps Judas thought that by admitting the wickedness of what he had done he would be punished as a false witness, as [Deuteronomy 19:16–19](https://biblia.com/bible/nasb95/Deut%2019.16%E2%80%9319) prescribed. Under that provision, he would have been crucified himself, suffering the penalty imposed on the one he caused to be falsely convicted. **Instead of looking to Jesus’ for forgiveness and trusting in His atoning death, Judas’s perverted mind may have led him to believe that by dying he somehow could atone for his own sin.”** “Proof that Judas’s sorrow was ungodly and selfish is seen in the fact that he made no effort to defend or rescue Jesus. He had no desire to vindicate or save Jesus but only to salve his own conscience, which he attempted to do by returning **the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and elders.”** ([Did Judas Repent? (gty.org)](https://www.gty.org/library/bibleqnas-library/QA0115/did-judas-repent)) — > Matthew 27:3 > > _NIV_ - When Judas, who had betrayed him, saw that Jesus was condemned, he was seized with **remorse** and returned the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and the elders. > > _KJV_ - Then Judas, which had betrayed him, when he saw that he was condemned, **repented** himself, and brought again the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and elders, Oxford meaning of ["repent";](http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/english/repent) > Feel or express sincere regret or remorse about one’s wrongdoing or sinView or think of (an action or omission) with deep regret or remorseFeel regret or penitence about Many Christian denominations believe that [Repentance](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Repentance) is a prerequisite for salvation, which means not only regret but the commitment of not repeating it. If Judas truely repented, he is sure to enter Heaven. But Jesus said that Judas was doomed to destruction (John 17:12) and it would be better for him if he had not been born (Matthew 26:24). Is the word _'repented'_ used in KJV refering to the true repentance which leads to salvation or was it just a feeling of remorse, which made Judas feel shameful and then led him to commit suicide. ([Ruminator](https://hermeneutics.stackexchange.com/users/20832/ruminator) **13.4k**77 gold badges4747 silver badges128) — <aside> 💡 Key = mental illness should never be glorified. It is a tool for those who know and are in the business (like me) of making the best of it. “Fashionable” cynicism and pick me bandwagoning happen because people want to be part of something they can relate to on some level, which is justifiable, misery loves company et al. **When you put a face on it, especially a fashionable face, a famous face, a “hero” who seems impenetrable and joyful and happy at the glory (appears to be enjoying it, without being honest about the inevitable pitfalls and cons) there will result envy stemming from the mob mentality, especially who see the good without bad, magnifying it and making a god of it to be obtained for themselves.** </aside> — # [Did Judas commit suicide by hanging himself because Satan "had entered him"? or was it by his own "free will"?](https://hermeneutics.stackexchange.com/questions/36554/did-judas-commit-suicide-by-hanging-himself-because-satan-had-entered-him-or) [Ask Question](https://hermeneutics.stackexchange.com/questions/ask) Asked December 15, 2018 10:30 AM Modified [3 years, 6 months ago](https://hermeneutics.stackexchange.com/questions/36554/did-judas-commit-suicide-by-hanging-himself-because-satan-had-entered-him-or?lastactivity) Viewed 5k times 2 2 I will start off by quoting a portion of John 6:70, which says: > Jesus answered them, Have not I chosen you twelve, and one of you is a devil? "Devil" here is "Diabolos, slanderous; with definitive article, "Satan." It's interesting that "Judas" means "praise," but "Iscariot" means "man of Kerioth," which was a town that was settled by the Tribe of Judas (Joshua 15:25), but especially interesting to note that Judas was the only disciple that was _not_ a native of Galilee (from my understanding), and coming from a geography (Judah) that was _the most hostile_ to Jesus Christ. Later, the narrative tells us in John 13:27 that "Satan **entered into** him" after Judas had dipped the sop, which implies that Judas had eaten it(?). There are many commentators that do not subscribe to the fact that Satan literally "possessed" Judas, while others subscribe to the literal interpretation that Satan, in fact, _did_ possess Judas' body. Granted, in John 13:2, Satan had already _placed it on his heart_ to betray Christ, so the proverbial foundation was set. The "entering" seems to be far different than merely "putting it on one's heart," etc. (in Acts 5:3, one reads, "Why hath Satan filled thine heart," etc., but filling one's heart, or 'getting one to do something' [in this case, Satan being the perpetrator, of course); "entering" sounds like "possession". James Burton Coffman Commentaries says the following [partial quote]: > The entering of Satan into Judas at this time indicates an unusually malevolent entry; because Satan had been in Judas before, as for example, when he bargained for the thirty pieces of silver. Therefore, this indicates that Satan took possession of Judas permanently, in consequence of his judicial hardening, a fact suggested, and even demanded, by the fact of Jesus' command for Judas to act quickly. Until this point, there had been hope for Judas; but, after Satan took him over, his descent into wretchedness and death was swift, dramatic, and irrevocable. **From this particular perspective, one extrapolates that Judas was _literally possessed_ by Satan, and because of this, Judas' doom befell him: Suicide by hanging. Some commentators render it as "madness had overtaken him" and so the act of suicide was in a 'state of mania' to the extent that Judas wouldn't have otherwise known what he was doing, etc. (Same difference with being possessed by Satan?)** The question arises: If Judas had free will, and he did, and had he _not_ been overtaken by Satan (possession of his body, apparently: "entered in to him"), then would have Judas committed suicide at all? I suppose this is merely speculative, but it's a stout curiosity, in any event. In Robertson's _Word Pictures in the New Testament_, it reads [bold added by me]: > Then entered Satan into him (τοτε εισηλτεν εις εκεινον ο Σατανας — tote eisēlthen eis ekeinon ho Satanas). The only time the word Satan occurs in the Gospel. As he had done before (John 13:2; Luke 22:3) until Christ considered him a devil (John 6:70). This is the natural outcome of one who plays with the devil. I tend to lean towards the fact that Satan _literally entered into Judas_ in the sense of "possession." With that said, once again: **Was Judas' suicide _because of_ Satan, then (because Judas was possessed by Satan)? or: Was Judas merely overcome with a 'Satanic madness' of some sort (the text implies that Satan entered in to him, so I take that literally)?** **Was Satan the mechanism by which Judas went and hung himself, because Satan was literally possessing Judas?** **Would Judas have committed suicide if Satan _weren't_ possessing him?** **Was Judas outside the means of "free will" if Satan was possessing him and, therefore, caused him (Judas) to go and hang himself?** ([Derrick Tyson](https://hermeneutics.stackexchange.com/users/27368/derrick-tyson)) **232**33 silver badges8 – [Nigel J](https://hermeneutics.stackexchange.com/users/21426/nigel-j) [Dec 15, 2018 at 11:03](https://hermeneutics.stackexchange.com/questions/36554/did-judas-commit-suicide-by-hanging-himself-because-satan-had-entered-him-or#comment72175_36554) - Nigel J, agreed!  [Dec 16, 2018 at 5:57](https://hermeneutics.stackexchange.com/questions/36554/did-judas-commit-suicide-by-hanging-himself-because-satan-had-entered-him-or#comment73226_36554) – [Derrick Tyson](https://hermeneutics.stackexchange.com/users/27368/derrick-tyson) - 1There is another possibility omitted: Judas' free will led him to fall victim to Satan.  [Dec 16, 2018 at 21:40](https://hermeneutics.stackexchange.com/questions/36554/did-judas-commit-suicide-by-hanging-himself-because-satan-had-entered-him-or#comment73277_36554) – [Sola Gratia](https://hermeneutics.stackexchange.com/users/13583/sola-gratia) - 1@DerrickTyson: As I already wrote, Satan did not enter him against his will (which is what possession is). He was already contemplating on betraying Christ for some time (see the passages from my last comment) before he finally, after much inner struggle, succumbed to the temptation completely.  [Jan 1, 2019 at 0:44](https://hermeneutics.stackexchange.com/questions/36554/did-judas-commit-suicide-by-hanging-himself-because-satan-had-entered-him-or#comment74010_36554) – [Lucian](https://hermeneutics.stackexchange.com/users/20620/lucian) - 1Another possibility is Judas committed suicide because he presumed that was his only solution to rid himself of Satan.  [Jan 16, 2019 at 17:23](https://hermeneutics.stackexchange.com/questions/36554/did-judas-commit-suicide-by-hanging-himself-because-satan-had-entered-him-or#comment74954_36554) – [Revelation Lad](https://hermeneutics.stackexchange.com/users/8450/revelation-lad) — I guess this is the rub, the gravamen: my envy of any woman who is beautiful is more acceptable than anyone being envious of my talents because beautiful women who were born with it did not suffer at all to get that advantage. They did not earn it nor suffer emotional, psychological, social rejection-type pain (though there are drawbacks like antagonism from envious peers, but though that is bad, that is an effect, not a precondition for the physical beauty to manifest—you did not become physically pretty naturally because people/your friends ignored you), hence the grace. Women who have had plastic surgery and who may have experienced pain and effortful exertion in trying to earn money to get those surgeries, plus the pain of recovery from surgery may hold some equal status to me. Hence, why people on the lower income end may feel bad because of my relative privilege as one of the heirs of my Angkong’s toil, backbreaking hiking for hours every day as he went to and fro to the city as a merchant, and skin cancer from his porcelain skin burnt by the heat. But since he earned it the hard way, I am spared anger if he had earned it through corruption. The amount of effort/pain involved versus grace bestowed. Hence my apparent relatively ugly sister status is an equalizer. I inherited some schizotypy from dad’s side which may lead to my advantage if I use it right and control it well. I inherited some autistic traits from my mom’s side (uncle seems to be on a spectrum I could hypothesize to be on the autism spectrum, but more high-functioning). —