After a day of rapid progress after a day of… indiscretions. Thought process with research and reading everywhere led me to a rabbit hole of pulling all the tasks together in TickTick. It’s now very nearly uncontainable in its mass. Critical mass of tasks I have to start. If only I had more time. Caffeine and L-Theanine appear to be game changers. Also, a rough outline: Scoutmag article on bagel—>watch movie until bar scene with daughter seeing news—>research the film wiki and ruminate on multiverse tweet by falgui whilst ruminate on shoes post by mirasol—>adding yet more tasks into TickTick—>don’t remember what or why but decided to google julia barretto the prostitute movie (prolly thought about my thesis amop) and found it’s not yet released—>dug up what appears to be a repressed memory of some sorts of what happened on april 12. Sir said as he’d come into the room with ma’am sitting on the table and said, “Sumabad.” Or some word equivalent referring to what I did which I thought at the time in 2019 meant approximately the same thing as that word. Maybe I wasn’t so dumb at Tagalog. Maybe I understood what it meant. Sumabad. Interrupt. What they’d been doing. Was that intentional? Was this why I repressed whether or not his standing there in front of the fountain was intentional or not? I can never know. I will never know. It was repressed but now it’s exposed. By some Herculean effort of reality by God’s will — as in, I was ruminating on the saying, “all steps of a godly man are ordained by God,” I have discovered a narrative plot hole so crucial to my perception of what really happened. Did they mean for me to do just that? To humiliate me? Was it pure revenge? Why? This Abby girl has nothing going for her in her life, why don’t we give her some of the only joys she will have, but only freemium ones at that, never the real. But also, in order to satisfy the bloodlust of the participants who no doubt will cry foul over the privileging of a relatively privileged girl they don’t know is suffering acutely in ways they can never imagine, let us fuck up her life even more in ways we never understood or could have ever had the decency to predict how this might play into her young adult development and future as a 20-something loner who has gone all through her UP life a mere husk with no human connection to anything but her virtual NEET diary. Let us pressure her in all sorts of ways to drive her to pits of despair in a hellscape where she will attempt to find out what she did and why she is ignorant and why she must be destroyed. It is very weird indeed how on july 14 i was working on logseq graphs thinking how am i gonna apply this to my thesis plans. And then cue surprise when i continued watching everything everywhere.