# 13, Tuesday I don’t think anyone understands what the effects of him going to Berk were on my mind. I don’t understand it either. I am trying to approach this objectively even as it kills me now to recall. No guy has ever given me that in my life, to go somewhere where I stayed and meet with me, well, at least, pretend to give me an experience he knew I wouldn’t really take. I didn’t go to him of course, when he sat on that table in the student lounge. this is partly why I expected him to show up behind a tree somewhere at Rodic’s on April 12. Maybe this is why I gave him that card with my number and picture on April 11. Lol of course that number doesn’t exist anymore because it’s a postpaid and I chose to stop the subscription because no one ever texted me or called me enough anyway to merit such high monthly fees. Even after four years or so I really have some leftover feelings I need to suffocate. It was all for show.