Temporary: to be productive for the rest of your diliman nightmare, try to channel anger because you are paralyzed whenever you dissociate. anger keeps you sober. righteous anger keeps you grounded to earth. control it. but still be angry. HULLLLLKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK. — FUCK MY HYPOCRISY. I write things in my paper like “breeds discontentment because of a lot of random novel stimuli” and I can’t even get myself to concentrate on intentionally chosen things for more than 5 minutes. My attention span is non-existent. At least for things I’m not invested in. I really do have a pseudo ADHD or my mental illnesses all have mimicked the ADHD neurotype as well. I really need to meditate. — i’m not paid enough for this fookin bullshit good news to everyone who hates me: i don’t even have to think of my traumatic experiences anymore for my heart to physically hurt. it just does that randomly throughout the day now for no discernible reason. i’m probably gonna die lols.