I read my past papers yesterday and I realized with the acquiring of new skills comes the loss of old ones. Possibly my being becoming better at VO took some of my brain’s neurons. I don’t know. I always thought brains were supposed to be neuroplastic. Maybe I no longer can come up with good prose in my papers, which are now straightforward and less linguistically complex but more organized and succinct, because of the damage wrought by 2019 beyond. I think I did barely anything in 2019 and 2020 and even 2021, and in three years, I really stagnated. I feel like I should grieve this loss but I can’t. I’m just numb. If I really think about it, I will likely not even make a living through writing, because if I become a ghostwriter, it’ll eat most of my time, it’ll make me hate writing because I don’t like working for another person and their agendas, it’ll be so much harder because I don’t have the drive to actually write the thing except earn a living. I think my most realistic job after graduation is a bunch of VO and fakery with editing my face so I can become attractive and be a spokesperson for a bunch of products or businesses. It sounds really dim. But it’s just a way to earn money. It’ll allow me to concentrate on my real ministry after graduation — my creative neurons and energy are better spent on my passions.