**The smell of nebulizer.** I just remembered it. Also, the edgelord in me who is out for blood for what happened or is continually happening to me wants [[Bongbong]] to win. Bahala kayo mga pota you deserve the leader you will get. If God wills it, there is nothing we can do. Though I’m not voting for Bongbong. I just remembered I was molested again by none other than Nanay [[Mela]] in 2020 or so. Granted, she wasn’t doing it in a sexual way to gratify herself when I was younger, but she tried to wake me up by cupping my vulva to surprise me, smiling mischievously. And then in the months when she was dying, she was directly making references to my alluding to it, like “cup” for “cupped” in my writings (SO I AM NOT CRAZY BECAUSE SOME REAL HUMAN LITERALLY HAD TO HAVE CONNECTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PASS THIS MESSAGE TO HER THAT I OUTED HER FOR GIVING PEDO VIBES, I DID NOT IMAGINE THAT TIME SHE SAID CUP IN A WAY THAT SUGGESTED SHE WAS ACCUSING ME OF SOMETHING) or literally grazing my boob in the sala downstairs, probably because she was angry that her legacy is tarnished forever as the child molester. I was molested for real. And then I had the grace to just lay a hand on her forehead out of pity because she was weakly lying there, but she had the impulse to graze my boob. WTF. I should have punched her. A relative of hers who was visiting her in our house was watching us. I was literally molested. I can’t believe this. I was molested by a maid. Fuck. If I feel like this just by being molested, who knows what a rape victim feels like? FUCK. Imagine having to carry a child whose genes you did not want, like an intruder in your home. A parasite. Well, I also “molested” [[Mike]] when I impulsively touched his shoulder on April 12, and I didn’t just leave it there. I had to block his way down for a bit, because I was just that desperate. I don’t think they anticipated this. I didn’t know I was capable of that. I was all id at that point. No more shame or inhibition. Sometimes I wish I had amnesia so I can be set free from this fucking garbage. If I had amnesia, would I still be saved though? I am so sorry [[God]] for using profanity. It’s the only way I can express angry emotions in an efficient way. I find it very hard to forgive people. She’s probably in hell right now. — [[God]] finds a way to make me happy. Like, I’ve had an instance where I predicted the study notes without even looking at them first. I know they’re just specific wordings but I’m just too happy. Like [[God]] is telling me to keep studying the [[Bible]]. One was when I predicted that [[Paul]] should be used before [[Barnabas]] whenever they were introduced because for some reason I reasoned that [[Paul]] was more important (I don’t like [[Barnabas]] as much now because he decided to take on [[John]] who deserted them in [[Pamphylia]], knowing what I know now after reading Acts 15). So I phrased it as “[[Paul]] and [[Barnabas]]” while writing it down in the daily [[Bible]] study entry days before, even though in the previous verses they were introduced as “[[Barnabas]] and [[Saul]]/[[Paul]].” And the study notes confirms that the order in which they are mentioned now changed. I know it’s a bit trivial but it makes me happy that something so trivial would be mentioned by the person who studied this [[Bible]] and made notes for it. — After exercising, probs like an hour later, felt pressure and tenderness in my right foot. Hoping it’s just superficial phlebitis. It’s kind of itchy and if I try to put pressure on it it hurts. I’m not obese, I don’t smoke, I’m not sedentary, I’m not pregnant, I don’t have any underlying conditions, and all those other factors. Why do I have this? Poor circulation probably. You sat glued to your chair for 7-8 hours reading [[What It Means To Be Malaya]]. ## Grateful For: 1. Being able to speed read something and finish an entire book in a day.