Fantasies again. Got so worse that I ended my porn-free streak today because I went too into it. I even tried to get off (not during the fantasy) whilst avoiding sexual thoughts so that if I get an orgasm I would no longer crave it. Sort of helped. Also, I didn't do anything today. Not even most of my essential routines. I only read and prayed (said thanks) way past 12:00AM, which is technically Jan 7th. I can only blame this on burn out. I didn't anticipate that I'd be so useless without moda. Am I going to have to take it to feel normal? To be fair, I only got about 4 hours of sleep again. And I felt groggy and foggy-headed the whole day. I couldn't even meditate right. I couldn't read the Bible with a clear head without getting distracted so much, and had to re-read again and again because I couldn't really concentrate and absorb what I was reading. My throat hurts, and I think it's a thyroid problem, but that's me being paranoid. It's probably from strenuous exercise. My body's just really tired today. After five days of hard moving from barely nothing in 2021. That must have been a shock to my system. It did help the first few days, and maybe I didn't notice the toll because of moda. I hope it's not my thyroid. I didn't even have productive leisure time. I just zoned out most of the time, and the few times I tried to nap, I couldn't, because I kept drinking coffee in the hopes of clearing my head. I can't fathom how people manage to live busy lives every day like this, esp. those people who have a ton on their plate and seem to excel. Maybe they don't really feel the resistance plus they have mental stamina and out of habit. Sort of like you did in high school. But maybe I'm just romanticizing it. I stayed up late to study. But I don't quite remember feeling lethargic in class. Maybe it really is coffee. The long-term use, I mean. I really need to quit. After classes end this sem I will. But for now I have to put up with these low energy crashes.