Got a vaccine booster. Feeling really tired. I woke up at like 3AM and managed to do some essential routines. Sadly I couldn't exercise. Longest streak this January for not exercising. About 5-6 days. After vaccination, went to Ketkai with my mom to buy a bra, Luxe Organix Lotion (the teal/mint one), and Kingcorn with cheese. Feeling really fancy. I really like buying things. I realized it's been so long since I've been to Ketkai. Got a pang of nostalgia when I went to the smaller passageways and narrower stalls where I had a memory pop up: the salon near the exit we used to frequent and the salon's chemical smell itself, the CVentura store lights, the playplace. Got two familiar scents more. The Watson's whiff of something I couldn't place. The Luxe Organix Lotion itself. I don't know why these smells are so familiar. I sometimes think I'm living in the past for one moment, like time travel, when I inhale them. It's 2022 and I'm literally living in the future. What would younger me think? I was even shot back to 2007/2006 or so when I remembered, in that cascade of memories, how 15 or so years ago I was in my Uncle Kit and Auntie Ginny's wedding, overhearing my aunt's girlfriends telling her, "Girl! You're getting married!!" 15 years ago. And then I thought about their marriage. I don't know why. Maybe I was trying to subconsciously work out something to work into my One-Act Play. Also, there was this "gwapo" doctor who stood in front of me when I got vaccinated. I didn't look at him though, when the lady beside the woman who vaccinated me called him that. I feel really paranoid. Some evil part of my nature always tenses up when I see women more attractive than me. Like I could think, "She's attractive, but I'm probably 10 times smarter than her." Which could be true given the odds that not all CDO people have access to quality education. Which to be quite honest, isn't so great to begin with. I swear most of the things that I now carry with me as skills are things I've had to stumble upon myself or have had to use my autodidact feature. Because I feel like my education failed me. I'm not absolving myself of any blame either. I, for one reason or another, did not listen at all in those humanities classes that were supposed to teach me perspectives from other people. I tuned out their voices because I was way into my head. I have no idea what happened to my education, except that I wasn't really suited to auditory delivery. I needed readings, which I didn't even do. I was too busy trying to jumpstart my writing career. Anyway, I saw two attractive women, one as I was heading into the vaccination area and she opened the sliding door, and the other was a volunteer or some nurse. Once again, making me really paranoid. Am I being paranoid? Really? Am I supposed to believe the opposite is true: that people do not know what I wrote? My One-Act Play. I was in Watson's and the song with the lyrics, "it's just a little crush," was playing on the intercom. People in the future will laugh at how my intuition was right, how my belief is true. Somebody must be doing an intuition study on me. I don't know if that's ethical. Why me? What would my life be like if I wasn't aware of being watched? Would I be less weird? Would I be normal? Would I not be distrustful of anyone and everything that seems good and pure? Will people never acknowledge the kind of abuse I went through starting in 2019? Look at all my writings starting from then on, all those gibberish poems, all those ideations, all those collabs (cringe), all those weird reactive "art" pieces in the form of photos, all the age regression, all the crying in Eng 143. Were all those not the product of an insanity fueled cocktail of extreme guilt, false hope, fantasy, megalomania, the Joker++ kind? I was unable to function at all and yet people kept egging my fantasies on, as if I was studying for some kind of "gossip" or "rumor" research. As if I was going to continue ALL_GO?