I have a corpse groom waiting in the hanging tree. Everything that's happened yesterday and today seems too eerie. I feel like Ivan Panin. One of the fucking investigators in the Ramsawmy wife interrogation kinda looks like Mike. EVEN THE MANNERISMS AND THE WAY HE TALKS WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF WT FTWF . It's like I'm in a funhouse mirror type circus what have you. What is God telling me? That I'll never escape this memory? The pain? That I'll always be walking on knives trying my whole life like Ariel and in the end have the prince's marriage to the other naturally human girl be a shining symbol of how much she has nothing on this earth. That it's useless to make marriage work. That it's better to devote my time to earning a soul and sanctify myself on earth as much as I possibly can before I meet my true Groom. Every random choice I make feels rigged. I am haunted by everything. --- no sleep since sunday, 8-9AM. 10AM MONDAY: Moda side effect extreme: (at least it's not (yet) the skin condition): extremely vomitty bouts of heaving. IDK. ? ? ? ? ??