July 8–10: I was walking a street in broad daylight with my mom and I noticed or somebody else pointed out that my Adam's apple was bulging, and that I was desperate to get surgery for it. That dream or nightmare didn't feel particularly scary from what I remember, but it kind of did affect me in that I had cascading thoughts of self pity and inferiority and I then concluded that I was doomed to be a forever alone androgynous aunt who will have a middling career as a used-to-be curiosity. To be honest I was kind of thankful because it did kind of make me give up on the idea of attracting anyone [and let's be honest, it's what people look at the first time]  because frankly it's not really a priority, and hoping for a kind of second puberty is just as futile as wishing I could somehow grow another head or face that isn't as mannish as mine. I don't know what the point of writing this dream down is. Being a Christian doesn't exempt me from wanting to edit God's raw materials, and that includes my face. I simply do not like it in any way and wish I could replace it with a less manlier version. It wasn't about the Adam's apple so much as it was about my androgyny. I can't "pass" for feminine and I feel like a bird woman / chunky scarecrow type when I wear a dress. I know from CBT that I am probably biased and this thinking will probably change tomorrow and it's all angles, but I can't help but hate every single picture I see of myself. It's like the camera hates me or something. I hate it back as well. Temporary emotions. It's just a temporary emotion that will be replaced with a better one once I get my self-esteem somewhere else that I can improve on. My face shouldn't be a concern and I shouldn't even waste bytes of text on writing about it.  Another dream: My severed fingers on my left hand. I think this had something to do with my warts and wounds from the removal. There was nothing out of the ordinary about it except I could see the pink flesh surrounding the bones from the cut off joints/tips. I didn't feel pain, and people didn't seem alarmed. Even I couldn't see anything wrong or odd about the situation, which is what lucid dreaming techniques say is the first thing to note. The "tell," so to speak, that you are, in fact, dreaming, so you could then control your dream. I have almost next to no lucidity in real life either. Clearly, this could be a problem I could attempt to fix "virtually" in dreams.