I started taking Depakote in April as prescribed by Dr. Benson Go. For about two months I was semi-productive if you count my writings compared to my apparent grinding to a halt [I hope this doesn't last].  --- 27: Drank Escitalopram Oxalate / Escivex 10; felt a slight dull headache in the morning, which became worse in the afternoon. Tried to nap but I don't know if I actually fell into a light sleep or if I just fooled myself into thinking I napped. The headache has subsided but I feel like how one would when you've been in the swimming pool for a time and get sensations of phantom waves around you [don't know if this is dizziness]. Maybe it's because I didn't have moderate exercise today that I didn't feel or could not muster a motivated state and I could not override my natural inclination to sluggishness. I've heard fatigue is a side-effect of the meds. I pray this doesn't last.  July  3: I am not a natural morning person. With that said, I've become one these past few weeks save for a few days where I don't get enough sleep. Like yesterday. I enjoyed Toy Story 4 with my family and went to home and fell asleep at 12:30AM. I felt like sleeping in when the alarm rang at 7AM and almost forgot my commitment to not waste my time. I got up and read the Social Anxiety book and watched a video on humor from a guy whose jokes probably fatigued me into a mid-noon nap. I'm not proud of napping for almost an hour before lunch. I now know I can't really function with only 6.5 hours of sleep. To make my energy situation sound more high maintenance than it should be [compared to normal people with no mental issues; I guess that's one thing you people can be thankful for], I somehow cannot ward off depressive episodes without exercise [yet]. So aside from sleeping more than 7 hours a night, I should at least commit six days of the week to daily exercise, because if I don't, I run the risk of being useless or unproductive. I'm worried about how this is going to fit with my schedule when I'll grapple with the 19 units of CW in August. My mood today was slightly anxious and less slightly irritable; depressive in the morning, and just about slightly elevated in the afternoon. I finally responded to some Facebook messages I had been avoiding for the longest time. Aside from relief, it brought me feelings of wellbeing, which I didn't think was possible.  4: Woke up at 5:30AM and did almost all my tasks for the day. Then maybe around the time I ate two pizzas and after,   like 7PM, I did the "fold my arms and have a bit of sleep" pose and promptly got myself tranquilized and lulled into comfort in the sala when I was supposed to be watching the news. I remembered that Psalm [though it's actually Proverbs, acc. to Google] about that exact pose leading to poverty, went into the family room, and almost repeated the mistake of resting my head and back. I don't want to sound like I abhor the idea of naps but I really needed to pay attention at that point, and I tried to rock my body from side to side in order to keep awake. I wonder how other people manage to keep a social life, have leisure, do academics and have steady relationships, and manage to not hibernate for three months. Where does all that energy even come from? Is this an Abby specific curse/feature? Am I really that slow? I know I'm not supposed to peek at other people's paces and speeds but it's become so much more demoralizing even as I find myself improving in my reactions. I rarely had negative catastrophic thoughts the past few days. So this is the part of my life where I try to appreciate small gains, then.  2/13/20: Low mood - overslept until 5:20PM and missed all my classes.  2/14/20: 2/15/20: 2/16/20: 2/17/20: 2/18/20: 2/19/20: 2/20/20: 2/21/20: 2/22/20: 2/23/20: 2/24/20: 2/25/20: 2/26/20: 2/27/20: 2/28/20: 2/29/20: March: