[x] Final Portfolio Deadline [ ] Edit Seasons of Mourning 12/11 ? mild? catatonia  12/12 I: 2.5 A: 2 D: 2; Atrophy scares me; Recently got premium again for Spotify because I no longer have any fuel. I don't know if I can call myself a Christian, once again. Broke the anti-masturbation act a few days or a week ago because I needed to feel something other than deadish/numb/aimless. Today I ran faster because of my music and I thought I saw Prof. Falgui's silver BOJ car. I thought I saw a Stanley but didn't look up. I also thought I saw a Sabby but didn't really look at him. Regardless of who I saw and what I listened today I don't really think anything profound can be said about something that is manufactured as my experiences with them, aside from what I'd already written and said or composed. I listened to nostalgia because I binged Watchmen and I wanted to remember what it was like, although I found myself avoiding Fleetwood Mac because I do not want another mental wound to form/mental breakdown before I submit my last requirements for the sem. I saw Prof. Mirasol's dissertation oral defense posted on the bulletin when I passed papers on Dec 3. I think I felt an equivalent emotion for what the Ate/server at Mashitta feels when she sees me or other students who look like me, although I know it's an imperfect analogy. Made some kind of progress with essay on actual paper. I watched Vita and Virginia and felt nothing or barely anything so I don't think I'm extremely gay unless there's nudity. I might be slightly bi or just queer. I liked how the movie handled characterization. Don't know if it's just because I could relate to both of them. Vita without the confident brazenness. Virginia without the work ethic (yet). Memorable lines: "If you leave me stranded, I'll hurt you." "I listened." Felt bad for Leonard. Felt disturbed by how lightly people took monogamy.