i. ALL_WRITERS Design Principle = You thought it was for you, but it's not. To elaborate, I was unconsciously working on the wishful thinking principle, that Prof. Mike posted all, if not most of the intentions for those posts were for me. I didn't realize the gravity of what it meant if he, in fact, did. I remembered the Flannery O'Connor story last night where the guy in the bus was thinking to himself how the other woman in the hat was better[?] or something I can't quite recall. Working on that premise means, at the age of 47, it means that he really would be a spiteful person who was bitter about his ex leaving him, or that he wanted me to find his account because I erroneously assumed he was in a "If you liked me back then you would work to find my Facebook account and see my real feelings because I somehow knew you would stalk Raissa and put the pieces together and that I'm not gay, if you're wondering, and I'm single re: her cover photos" without thinking what "leading on" or misleading effects this would have on Prof. Audrey. And that by writing ALL_GO, I was rubbing salt in her wounds. The gravity of what I'd done was even greater. I could somehow tell that she wasn't over him if they did call it off.  To completely diminish my role as the main character, the first post which was taken in Baguio was probably the start of his wistfulness and melancholy for happier times when he and Prof. Audrey were dating. To conclude, it means that he hasn't completely moved on and when he possibly read the "Go Fetch" story, he was reading it with Prof. Audrey in mind, or some other colleague.  All of these hypotheses are just hypotheses and yet I can't help but feel God is leading me to the right explanation. I was just a pointer to all the memories he'd had of Prof. Audrey. I wore the black three-fourths shirt from Zalora[?] which probably reminded him of her grad pic. I don't think he actually posted those things in spite. I was just a secondary character. It's good to be able to accept this.  I don't know why I'm writing this. I'm releasing the "stings." So I can finally be ready to apologize in late November.  ii. Not denying that I was a little bit elated when I found out the average onset for bipolar disorder was 25. I thought I was  being "aged up." Like a Sylvia Plath wannabe. In the case that I actually am bipolar, I will be off my meds soon as I've taken them from April. It will almost be a year.  iii. God's design principle clearly is unknown, even though He has given us grace. I think with all this theology, much of what we theorize about God is "grasping at straws."  iv. April 12 details:  "Ako Hall"—I had this sadistic, if not schadenfreude-driven urge to humiliate Prof. Audrey even further. I couldn't contain it. I was fully aware of what I'd said, in a buzzed way that I had no way of containing. To blame Satan for goading me into that behavior is to justify my own deeply-set character flaw of wanting to retaliate because I was humiliated at Rodic's with all those people watching me break down crying—which was the point. I made fun of—or used her pain in that picture of her—to further my own agenda of trying to get someone. I was also fully aware when I'd said "He was the only one who listened to me when no one else did." which I consciously, and though I didn't expect that I would say it when we talked, said because I was referring to the story in Eng143 with the "tell Aunt Letty[?] your problems" and the man who rescued her from drowning.  v. Err on the side of caution. Do not try to edit or change synopsis.