Why am I so aggressively disinterested in everything? All the books I've downloaded, all the movies… I haven't even started because they're too uninteresting for some reason. It's like I have the attention span of a hamster or something. I don't even want to do anything. My body (specifically my bloodshot eyes) is screaming for me to go back to sleep. I want to sleep, but I'm afraid that if I do, I'll be wasting the 3 days of freedom left. Of course, I have to go back to hell on January 11. Ugh. --- I miss the feeling of being productive and smart. --- Okay I really really really really don't want to go back to that place - hell. AKA UP. I hate it. If there was any way to get rich quick without having to do all that hard work (and even then it's not guaranteed that I'll be wealthy), I'd have already jumped at it head first. I think that's part of the reason why I'm a horrible person overall. My personality is defined by my selfishness and pride. I have no passion for anything. I only seem to because doing something like reading a high-brow book or doing something "worthwhile" and not inane makes my self-esteem go up. And even then, I suck at most of what I do. I am a terrible human. An even worse Christian. Why do I even call myself that when even unbelievers behave better than I do? It seems like my life is a farce.