I had a very weird but awesome dream last night. I rode a train with yellow upholstered seats and it was very huge and very fast, maybe like a bullet, and it had the ability to turn into a bus? I don't know how my brain rationalised that. In a different world, I was accepted to ICA or maybe Poveda, and I wasn't even in college yet, and I was going to be taken there by this vehicle. --- I really really really want to work at Google. Even if that job's just in the art or front-end departments. I really really really want it, but I guess I have to evolve into something that they want. --- I kind of want to go home already. I am going to be so happy when I board that plane again. I also really want to be studious, but I can't bring myself to study. I know it's essential to my growth and maturity, but I can't seem to get started. My brain likes being comforted too much for it's own good. I really like Andrew Belle's songs. --- okay, Kate just uploaded a new profile picture, one where she's wearing make up, and she looks as white as ever. I know she's really pretty and I say that because she got 45+ likes in just 30 minutes. I bet it's going to reach at least 150 likes by tomorrow. But why do i still even care? I mean, i don't want unwanted attention because I look pretty or whatever. But I think I'm kidding myself. I actually do want that kind of attention maybe simply because I haven't experienced it. I don't want it like "I gotta have it right now", but sometimes I think about it at least thrice a week. I don't know if that's accurate. When people look at me, they don't have the urge to do a double take. I can honestly say that I'm at least a 6 in the looks department, and maybe my prime would be a high 7 if I really tried hard enough. Like exercise and get fit and possibly get a new hairstyle that would suit me, but I guess my looks aren't my selling point. I don't even know what my selling point is. I mean, college has made it perfectly clear that I'm nowhere near as smart to even land a place in the top 19 in a class of 20. I'm having a really hard identity crisis. I don't even know if I'll end up successful, but I always say that I'll write this book, or do this thing to get rich to my sister, and maybe she thinks I'm full of shit. In all sense of the word, I am useless. I am lazy too. I'm not attractive enough to coast by on my looks alone. What am I gonna do then? I need to work my ass off. As a side note, I'm going to promise something to myself that I should finish that book by the end of 2016. I'll begin selling it on January 2017 and if that doesn't happen by then, I don't know what else I could do to help my goals become reality. --- If I take midyear classes, I'm looking at only 1 week of vacation time after it, so that's essentially like being held hostage. I hate the fact that I have to do it, I mean, it's non-negotiable. I just have to plow through it. I hate myself. I hate everything that I have to do for this university. This cruel, cruel university with its cruel students and cruel policies. I hate it. I just want to leave it for good, which isn't happening unless I graduate in 2019. --- I can't believe Kim Tee's going to graduate next year or the next. I mean, if it's a 5 year course, she only has two years left, meanwhile, I have 3 more years of this hell. Or if hers is a 4-year course, then she only has 1 year left. --- # I want to have Arian Valdez's brain. --- Somewhere, a student is receiving a grade of 100% and celebrating with pizza. I hope that's me by next week. I have 10 days to study for my first Math 54 exam. --- I am going to get at least 37.5 in that Math exam if it's the last thing I do. Go me. For God's glory. I'm going to wake up really early tomorrow to get started on studying. No more movies, no more reddit. No more. NO MORE.