Wow. October 1. It's 8 days until my birthday. And 7 days until the next math exam. --- This will all end soon. Either badly or not. I know. If I try my damn hardest, I could probably end up on the University Scholar List. But I know there's a 90% my laziness will take over. So unless I do something desperate and drastic, I will never achieve this. I will never raise my standards if I don't try. I have to try. ---- OMG I still can't believe that I'll be 18 8 days from now. It's all so surreal. Like when I was 12, I couldn't even fathom becoming a college student and an adult. And a few days from now, I'll be freaking 18. 18!! I know it's not that old, like 20, but still. I'll be officially an adult. But I still feel like I'm the most irrational and stupid child. --- And today, I bought french vanilla cadbury chocolate, and it tasted awesome. I'll have to jog on Saturday again. --- I will be so happy when this week (or year) is over. I really didn't ask for this responsibility. --- Well that went okay. I collected some of the payments, and while it was nerve-wracking, I managed it, although I didn't really collect all of it. --- Why do I even have these dreams of grandeur? Is it because I feel empty inside and I want to own these experiences and things because I think my self-worth depends on them? Intelligence, medals, beauty, people's awe. All of the things I needlessly worry about. And obsess. I know I studied, and I have to study some more, and damn it, I'm slowly getting there. I'm trying. And I can actually feel improvement over the last few weeks. It seems like my 'momentum' is finally kicking in to jolt me and force me to move from rest. Omg physics. --- And I caved. I went on reddit again. I'm not going to do it tomorrow, although --- WHAT THE FUCK. AJ CARTAS, a dude I sort of met in ISC way back 2011, has bought a new Porsche for his mom. He got _that_ much money from doing that famewhore thing he does on youtube and instagram. How can an internet celebrity make so much? He's not exactly special either. He just has tons of followers. I don't know why. Maybe I'm just envious. Sorry, AJ. --- Lol there's this proposal in cdo that's being publicised on social media right now. I knew her sister from shekinah but we never talked. Anyway, I think the guy chose october 1 to propose because it'd be easier to remember. Meh. I give it 4-10 years. Even if they don't separate, I don't think it'll be as blissful as they think. --- I'm gonna try to predict my grades at the end of the sem. prediction set 1: EL 50 - 1.75 Physics 71 - 1.75 CS 11 - 1.75 Math 53 - 1.5 PE 1.25 prediction set 2: EL 50 - 1.5 Physics 71 - 1.5 CS 11 - 1.5 Math 53 - 1.5 PE 1.0 prediction set 3 Physics 71 - 1.25 CS 11 - 1.5 Math 53 - 1.25 EL 50 - 1.5 PE 1.0 --- Lol what if I end up with 2.00+ grades. --- Wow, (obligatory this year went by too fast observation).